Category Archives: Dreams

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Sleep Paralysis and ET Encounter

Yesterday’s energy was flat and ominous at times. I realized that the “ominous” feeling came on when I was too much in my mind and focusing outward. I tend to do this out of habit – probing my environment for clues of where the feeling originates. My guides reminded me to settle in my heart. When I did, the ominous feeling muted and there was calm.

This mini-lesson taught me just how much I tend to focus upon the future. Always looking ahead. There is nothing wrong with anticipating future events if you can avoid dwelling on them. That is my problem. I stay in the future instead of pulling myself back to present. This is especially true now when my guidance is quiet 99% of the time.

Prior to sleep, I requested once again to be allowed to remember what was going on while I slept. This was granted. Just to be on the safe side, I took B6 to make sure I remembered more of my dreams and hoping for an OBE.

Lucide Dream and Sleep Paralysis Episode

At bedtime it began to rain pretty hard. This lasted well into the night. I struggle to fall asleep when there is thunder and lightening, often drifting in the in-between for long periods between booms of thunder. This particular night was no exception but something odd occurred. Maybe it was B6 or the intention to remember, but I kept feeling a strange energy come over my body. With the feeling was an awareness of an on-going conversation with my Companion about the soul exchange. I kept interrupting myself saying to my Companion things like, “I am ready” and “I trust you”. With each statement the energy would envelop me, coming on strongly from the center of my back. At its peak, the energy encapsulated me completely and I felt like I was inside the center of a flower bud; “petals” of energy softly cradling me inside.

Usually my awareness would pull me out of these episodes with a start. There was a smidgen of fear every time. How frustrating that the fear is still there after so, so many similar energetic experiences!

Lucid Dream

At one point I entered into a semi-lucid dream. I was inside an unfamiliar house with my children. There was a storm and I could hear the rain pelting the roof. I tried to turn on the light, but the electricity must have been out because it would not turn on. In the dark I could see outlines of the kitchen. Everything had a glowing white aura.

There was a feeling of impending doom that made me nervous. As I headed out of the kitchen, I heard a loud, crackling followed by an electric buzzing. The buzzing got louder and I looked up because it seemed to be coming from above my head. That’s when I saw a tiny, neon-blue colored sphere about the size of a fist. It began to circle around my head. At that time, a hissing noise started to accompany the buzzing. It sounded similar to the release of an air brake but the sound would draw out with a long “hissssss”. I connected all of this to an E.T. encounter for some reason and thought for sure They had come to collect me.

The sounds were so audible, the visuals so vivid and my rising fear so palpable that I suddenly realized and thought, “This is NOT real!”

Sleep Paralysis

Instantly I was propelled into my sleeping body with quite a bit of force, but the sounds and visuals did not dissipate. Instead, they grew more intense and I had to remind myself that I had just been OOB and all was well and normal. My heart was pounding in my chest so hard, though, and there was a strange energy pushing into my back at heart level, that I struggled to calm down.

In my visual field the hypnagogia turned on and there was a message written over and over on millions of tiny, rectangles. The message was, “I love you”. When I recognized the message the rectangles turned into circles and began to rise in my visual field like bubbles. I remembered not to focus on them and tried to focus on my heart and breathing, but this was nearly impossible because my entire body felt wrong. My back felt like it was arching uncomfortably and the energy pouring into my heart center was chaotic and almost painful. It felt as if I was being torn apart. There was also a strange energy around my head that felt wrong.

And I was afraid. Not terrified. Afraid and getting it under control when there suddenly appeared in front of my vision, face-to-face with me, a woman….errr female. Her gender was very obvious for some reason but she did not look human. Her face would fade in and out but when I saw her she had slanted, black eyes that were parallel to each other and almost touched on the very top of her head.

She looked like an insect. A praying mantis.

I suddenly knew I was on board a craft and she was sitting across from me. My fear was gone. Completely. There was a sense that someone was to my left. My guide. I said to him, “I’m ready if you are.”

That’s when the energy sensations pulled me back to awareness of my body. My back still felt to be arching uncomfortably and I knew I was in sleep paralysis. Heart still pounding I got control of it all and was able to slowly come out of it.

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To Become Whole, We Must First Be Separate

Warning – this post could upset some of you, especially those of you who have experienced sexual trauma.

“To become Whole, We must first Be Separate”.

This was what I was told this morning when I awoke in tears from a dream directed at helping me to heal a major wound which I have been carrying with me for many, many lives.

Dream

In the dream I was a counselor who was told about an incident where a young girl witnessed her father molesting her little brother. In the dream, I actually witnessed it as well. I took the girl to report it and listened to her statement.

Then I shifted into a hospital setting and was laying in a bed. Everything was white. In front of me was this machine that I knew was an electroshock therapy machine. It was connected to me. I kept shocking myself over and over again with it. For some reason the shock made me feel better and I would smile. I both experienced and witnessed this as it occurred.

Then a man came into the room. I recognized him as my partner. He was completely naked. He radiated unconditional love and sympathy as he crawled into my hospital bed and snuggled up to me. I felt completely numb and did not respond to him.

When I awoke, I was crying uncontrollably. It was not sobbing, but more silent, slow tears that wouldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried to stop them and my heart chakra was ablaze with a warm, comforting feeling. I heard from my Companion, “It’s not your fault.”

Healing a Deep Wound

The wound itself has been one of discussion in this blog before. It specifically comes from the past 3 lives prior to this one but is also a part of this lifetime.

The wound, simply put, is betrayal. More specifically, this betrayal is betrayal of love and trust. The love of a child for a parent. The love of a woman for her husband. The complete trust of a child that their parents will care for them, protect them, and nurture them because they are too small and too innocent to do so themselves. The complete trust of a wife in her husband and expectation that he will protect her and bear what she cannot.

With all this betrayal of love and trust also comes a feeling of complete abandonment by God.

There is also a complete disgust for mankind and the male gender in general.

To recap:

  • Most recent past life: I was murdered by my father at the age of 6. I am not sure why but Remembered this morning that my mother, who I thought innocent, was an accomplice. Betrayal by parents.
  • Life before that: I married a man who was abusive and raped me. Betrayal by husband.
  • Life before that: As a child I was molested by my own father after my mother’s death. Later in that life I was murdered by my own husband who also murdered our infant son and then killed himself. Betrayal by father. Betrayal by husband.

This Lifetime

Memories from this life also surfaced. When I was little, around 7 years old, I walked past our bathroom and saw our neighbor using the restroom in front of my little sister. He was asking her, “Do you want to touch it.” Horrified, I took my sister’s hand and told her, “No.” The moment will forever be ingrained in my memory.

I told my mom but I had no idea what, if anything, she did about. The neighbors eventually moved to Mexico, though.

Fast forward to 2003. On a road trip back from California, I fell asleep in the back seat only to awaken to the sound of my mom and older sister having a serious conversation. In it, I overheard that my sister had been molested by the neighbor when she was 10-11 years old. This was the same neighbor who I had seen trying to get my younger sister to touch him. I interrupted their conversation because I was totally shocked. My sister said, “I thought you knew about it. He did it to you, too.” I had no idea what she was talking about.

She went on to tell of what exactly he did and how he use to touch all three of us when swimming in our pool. My sister has struggled with healing from her experiences her whole life.

I still have no memory of any of it.

In recalling all of this, I wondered if maybe I buried memories from this life to save myself from what my sister is still struggling to heal. I honestly don’t think that he did to me what he did to her, but I have feelings that do not make sense from that time in my life. I also have huge gaps in my memory from that time in my life.

Connecting the Dots

Beliefs and feelings were obvious to me. It was like a flood of information, as if all the weeks of deep sleep and healing were finally revealed.

Love is painful. Men are not to be trusted. It was my fault, so I should be punished.

There are other false beliefs but these are the main ones. The last, especially, is troublesome because it is the last belief that continues the cycle.

My guidance has long told me, “You are special”. It was repeated this morning. This time, however, I understood why. This phrase was often spoken to me when I was molested by my father in the first life in this cycle. Everything that happened after was associated with that phrase. That is why I always retract from it and experience fear when I hear it. I always think, “I am NOT special.” I don’t want to be special because to be special means accepting what happened to me and what I was – which was “bad”. In that lifetime I felt I was being punished – by my father and by God – but I had no idea what I had done wrong.

It was reiterated that none of it was my fault and that I need not be punished any longer. The emotions from that and the other lifetime resurfaced. Emotions of confusion of a child who loved his/her parents unconditionally only to suffer at their hands. Despite all of their mistreatment of me, I still loved them. I love them so much that I assumed it was not their fault but my own.

I was reminded that I reject love from others; I do not allow myself to be loved fully. Love is fully trusting in another. It is placing all of yourself in their hands. I refuse to do that. If I cannot do that, I cannot become Whole.

This wound is the last big hurdle I face in the path to Wholeness. I asked why I had not just healed it on the Other Side between lives. It was explained that when we are Home we are separated from much of the experience of the pain, so we cannot fully heal our wounds unless we are in the physical where they originated. When I return to the physical the pattern continues – I feel I should be punished and so I am. And it was never my fault to begin with.

 

 

 

 

 

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Three Dreams and Another ReUnion

Last night the energy sludge shifted a bit and with it came an intense third-eye pulling sensation that came and went until I went to bed. I should have known this sudden chakra activity indicated a change was coming since I have had barely any chakra and energy activity for over a week now.

When I went to bed I felt Them and acknowledged their presence. I was greeted with a message reminding me that I had been chosen for Contact. I did not react but just acknowledged the message and then asked to Remember more of what was going on in my dreams. This was granted. I asked what would happen and was told, “It’s a surprise.” Too tired to react to Them, I fell asleep.

Dream: Golden Key Ring

I had numerous dreams. In this one, I was in a huge high school with more people than I can imagine would ever been in any high school. In fact, it did not even resemble a high school but more like an elaborate convention hall with numerous rooms and cathedral ceilings covered in gold leaf embellishments. Every staircase was a grand one and every level was filled with people milling about. The excitement was palpable.

I was led around and followed without resistance because I felt out of my element and was confused a little as to where I was and who was with me. I met with some “freshmen” and remembered that I was a “sophomore”. I walked with a young girl for a while until our paths diverged and then I found myself standing at the entrance to a grand event hall.

In the entrance was a podium and a man took me to it and pointed out a woman who was quite short and did not look human but kind of like a disfigured dwarf. Her head was misshapen and in my memory now all I see is a golden blob as her head. The man stayed and handed me a golden key ring. I took it and looked over the many keys on it. Each was an elongated, golden heart. As I fiddled with them a discussion began about practicing self-protection. I was questioned about whether I had ever fired a gun. I said, “Yes, silly. I’ve shot all kinds of guns.” I mentioned firing an AK-47 and M-1 Carbine. Memory of doing this was vivid in my mind at the time (in reality I did fire these guns and many others).

Satisfied that I knew how to use a gun, discussion began about using a knife and I recall seeing a golden knife thrown a the podium. I admitted I had no experience in this. The man pointed to the dwarf woman and said she would instruct me.

Dream: Too Much Jewelry

In this dream I had been awakened before dawn and saw my husband had left the front yard in a mess and deposited a huge pile of dirt in the middle of the lawn. I began to go out and clean up what I could but decided not to. It was his mess.

When I went inside I had been presented with gifts, so many I lost count. I began to try and organize them. There were trays upon trays of silver jewelry. I put them on the table next to the bed and hid some underneath. A friend of mine from high school joined me and asked me about them. I tried to give her a tray of some of the more normal jewelry but she declined. I remember some of the trays were full of hoops and rings and others of jewelry that were of symbols I did not recognize.

Dream: Three Boys and a Kiss

All I recall of this dream is seeing three young men. They all seemed to glow with energy. I kissed one of them and it felt very, very real. When I kissed him the feeling I got was that it was not allowed and that I was not following orders. I did not feel anything energetically from the kiss.

Interpretations

Honestly, there is so much symbolism here that I am a bit blown away. The feeling is that something is about to change and I am preparing for it. The golden keys in the first dream represent status and one’s adaptability to a changing situation. The guns and knives seem to indicate a need to learn to protect myself or an alertness to potential danger.

The jewelry symbolizes one’s own self-worth and knowledge. The fact that it is given as a gift indicates acknowledgement of  and incorporation of knowledge. I am feeling overwhelmed by having so much jewelry (knowledge) and am trying to organize it and even gave some of it away. Seems like I am trying to figure out how to handle what is coming to me.

The last dream indicates a need to be more open and honest with my feelings and emotions. There may be a better way to express them.

Overall there is a sense of smaller groups connecting to form larger ones. I feel I and many others have been doing quite a bit of preparing behind-the-scenes. It feels like another ReUnion is approaching or in process.

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Message: Decide!

I’m still sleeping very, very deep. So deep, that when I wake I am so drowsy that I fall instantly back to sleep, which is uncommon for me. And I am still waking up at 5:00-5:30am. I really, really am hating it right now because I am soooo tired.

Decide! 

Despite being so tired and sleeping extremely deeply, I am having numerous, vivid dreams and also still waking up several times a night. In one instance, I awoke from being jolted by energy that literally made me jump. I don’t think it was my physical body that jumped, but that doesn’t matter – it all feels the same to me. With the jolt of energy came someone saying, “Decide!”

Being as tired as I was, I only briefly wondered what it was all about and then passed back out into dream land.

Dream: Teacher Workshop and Giving Readings

Then I was sitting in a large cafeteria with so many others I lost count. I quickly remembered I was at a workshop and that I was among teachers and staff. I was sitting next to a man with medium brown hair and the tables reminded me of those at an elementary school – much too small for adults.

I remember seeing the agenda. The workshop lasted all day! It became evident to me that it had gone over its allotted time. The suggested change in time was a three hour delay. For some reason I felt this was caused by me. I remember discussing the schedule change with the man sitting next to me and told him I planned to leave at 9am even though it would not be over. The agenda is very vivid in my mind even now.

Then I was speaking with a man who was at least a foot taller than me with medium brown hair and a light complexion. All I remember now is that he asked me, “So you aren’t working now?” I said to him, “No. I have lots of time on my hands.” There is memory of a discussion in which he asked me if I would stay in Dallas (this was where the workshop was) and I said I wished I could but I have a family, etc and needed to get back to them.

Instantly I shifted back to the cafeteria and was speaking to two young women. I gave them both readings and then found out they were not as old as I had thought – still teenagers. I remember feeling worried they would tell their parents and I would get into trouble because they were minors. I explained this to them and one wanted my business card. I gave it to her and felt better for some reason.

Discussion

I woke up and it was 5:30am. Instantly memory of the jolt of energy and the dream came to me. I asked what the “Decide!” demand was for. Decide what? Then I felt it was being asked of me to get me to figure out if I wanted to focus on living or dying. In hearing this I did not hesitate. I am not interested in staying in life, no matter how “exciting” my guides try to make it, it is just not as wonderful as the spiritual side and unless they can somehow merge the two, this physical existence is just not enough.

Dream: End of the Road

Somehow I fell back to sleep briefly, which is odd because I was wide awake. I entered instantly into a dream where I was discussing a destination. There were two, one in CA and the other in TX.

Then I was in a car and driving very, very fast on a four or five lane highway. I kept thinking I was in LA for some reason.

It was like a video game. The speed was so fast I clung to the steering wheel for dear life. I tried to stay in the far right lane where I would slow down to 60mph. But then I would end up jerked back to the fast lane every time. Once, in the fast lane, a car zoomed in front of me and side swiped the concrete barrier and kept going. I nearly did as well and felt as if I were somehow following this fast car. Strangely, there weren’t many cars on the highway, just mine, the reckless driver and a woman in a car that stayed in the slow lane.

I finally stayed in the slow lane and the woman remained behind me, adjusting her speed for me as needed. I watched as the road wound around unfamiliar terrain. I remember thinking, “I wish I knew this road.”

Then the road turned to the right and I saw it turned to gravel. I slowed way down and then stopped my car completely and got out. The woman followed me.

The road had large boulders and I carefully walked through them as it sloped upward. That is when I noticed the road dead ended at what appeared to be a semi truck. A large, silver ramp met the road. I stood upon it and looked inside the truck. It appeared to be completely furnished with mahogany shelves filled with books, side tables, lamps and several nice sofas. It was huge! It did not resemble any truck I had ever been inside of.

A woman was standing inside and taking tickets and money from other travelers who came in from behind me. I had never noticed them, but there were quite a few. In listening to their conversations, I learned that this truck took people to several destinations. The woman who had been following me stated hers and boarded the truck. I was asked what my destination was. I couldn’t remember but I saw in my mind an ocean port with beautiful, crystal blue waters and white sand beaches. I kept thinking my destination was in CA but then thought, no it was Jalisco. Confused, I thought for a moment Jalisco was in Texas but knew that was wrong.

Then I told the woman I had sent my children ahead of me but their truck did not look anything like this one. I had a vivid memory of doing so, too. I remember their truck was plain inside – like a real truck. I felt I was a very bad mother for sending my children away. The woman said, “I’m sure they got there safe and sound.”

Discussion

I awoke with this song in my head:

So much went through my mind this morning, that I can’t even share it all. I will say that I was asked to think of when I felt most alive in this life. There were two specifics times I recalled:

  1. My first experience teaching in a public school. I was so in love with my job and my students that I got to work every day more than an hour early. My favorite lessons were teaching my students how to meditate and how to go inward to learn about themselves (introspection).
  2. My first years giving readings – mediumship, psychic, medical intuition, spirit guide, etc. The feeling is indescribable. There is no feeling that has yet compared to how I feel during and after giving a reading in which I have connected with Spirit and given the sitter proof that their loved ones continue on and are always with them.

I have neither of these two things in my life now. I made it clear to my guides that as a mother I cannot – will not – put my own wants and needs above those of my children. That is the burden that comes with being a mother. Yet at the same time I feel utterly and completely without purpose.

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Lucid Dream to OBE: Take it Off

Up at 5am this morning because my two youngest decided it was time to get up. My husband was with them, awake and watching t.v. Furious, I yelled at them to be quiet and then fumed while laying in bed. I wasn’t really mad at them, though. I was mad because I woke up on my own, like clockwork, and could not go back to sleep. When I wake up that early I have absolutely nothing to do and all I want is to go back to sleep and astral project or just dream. Yet for some reason at 5-5:30am I am wide awake. I was fed up.

I attempted to meditate but made sure my guides knew just how upset I was at being kept out of astral for so long. I said,”If you are going to take everything (spiritual) away, then at least let me astral!!” I heard no response and continued to fume for a bit about other things like how my entire back felt stiff and it was really cold! lol

Lucid Dream: New House

The next thing I remember I am inside a house that has no furniture. There was a woman with me who was showing me around. Specifically, we were looking at the high ceilings. She said to me, “You have nice vaulted ceilings. At least the ceilings are higher in this one (house).” I said, “Well my last one had coffered ceilings. I remember looking up at the ceiling as it came to a point above my head.

She then took me into a closet and showed me a small cubby where I could store things. I remember telling her that I didn’t like the vaulted ceilings in the closet because it made the shelves too high. I inspected the small cubbyhole she was showing me. It resembled a box.

OBE: Take it Off

Throughout the above dream my lucidity would come and go, but toward the end, as I looked at the woman, I thought to myself, “I am out of body!” I felt the energy indicating this the minute I thought the thought. My vision and the image of the woman disappeared but I felt her presence still close by.

I was standing in an unfamiliar place. I could sense the space expand around me. Though my vision was not fully available to me, the first thing I thought was that I needed to look at my hands. When thought this, my vision turned on and I saw bright blue sky and a flash of the woman to my left. I remember she said to me, “Look.” Yet, despite trying hard to keep my vibration high, the scene continued to fade in and out. I believe, however, that I was standing on a beach near the ocean. The only vivid images I recall now are of the sky and the woman. There is also a sensation of being encouraged to expand. With this there is memory of the woman reaching over and taking off my outer shell. In this I recall seeing the duplicate of my physical body fall away like a suit of clothing. Underneath was a brilliant green energy body.

OBE: Honeymoon

I felt the familiar energy of settling back into my body. Surprised that I had been allowed to go OOB I immediately took advantage of my high energy state and exited.

I was standing beside the woman. I had absolutely no astral sight but instead was able to perceive in black and white. The woman and I were walking toward a destination and I knew we were standing outside of a building. I could sense the greenery around me and wished I could see it in all its brilliance.

The door opened and we stepped inside. My vision would sporadically turn on and off and so I was able to get a glimpse of where we were. It appeared to be a house like the previous lucid dream. The woman was my main focus, though. She was blonde and fair, her hair cut in layers that framed her face. She had a very youthful appearance and glow about her.

She led me toward the end of the house where I perceived huge ceiling-high windows. She lifted me up and set me on something. This surprised me because I could feel her grab hold of me and it seemed so effortless for her to lift me. I felt her close to me still and my vision turned on flooding me with an intense light and an image of her face. Her cherub-like face was so child-like! She couldn’t have been more than 10 years old! When I saw her I said, “Keira!” and pulled her close to me to hug and kiss her. I felt a great affinity for her and was overjoyed to see her. She hugged me but when I attempted to kiss her she said, “Not now. I’m not allowed.” So my kiss hit empty air. Somewhat disappointed I watched as her image literally vanished in front of my eyes but I could still feel her all around me.

She led me toward the huge windows and then we materialized on the other side. My vision turned on again and again an intense light flooded my eyes. We were standing on a large, golden-colored balcony. There were couples sitting together and relaxing. Somehow I knew they were all married couples and this was where they honeymooned. I recognized the place and I remember I said to her, “This overlooks the ocean!” I rushed to the edge of the balcony (it was solid) to look over it. When I did, I did not see a beach. Instead, I saw a clear creek with rushing water that was heading downhill over polished rocks to an unseen source. On either side of the creek was lush, green, tropical vegetation. It reminded me of a section of a rainforest that had been clear-cut. I looked up at the most vividly blue sky I had ever seen and just smiled. It was fantastic! Yet at the same time I wondered, “Where’s the ocean?” It was as if someone had drained it and left only a creek behind.

Then my energy shifted and I felt the familiar sensation of my physical body. I lingered in the in-between for some time after that.

Message: There’s a Tear in the Fabric of the Astral Realms

Of course, I wondered why I was allowed OOB when I had been told I could not. It was explained that there was a massive crack in the astral realms right now. This was shown to me like a rip in the fabric of energy that separated the various “levels”. The tear caused these levels to intermingle. It is like when there is a tear in a plastic swimming pool. The water rushes through the crack all at once. With these various planes or levels of astral, this causes a blending of the vibrations, making it difficult to traverse without guidance and even harder still to move up through the lower levels. The crack or tear makes it difficult for one to maintain the correct vibration. The tear acts to destabilize one’s energy and “sucks” it away into the whirlpool created by the crack. This is why it was so hard for me to control my energy. My guides were trying to show me how to fix this problem. I need to drop my astral body altogether (as in the first OBE). I was told that I was not following directions on how to do this. I was more interested in playing. LOL Too true! It had been so long since I had been aware of being OOB that I really just wanted to fly and explore. I was able to stay OOB without dropping my astral body only because my guide was helping me to stabilize my energy. Anything that would disrupt this (kissing, touching, etc) would have caused a spike in my vibration which would have instantly destabilized my astral body. The only way around this was to discard the astral body completely.

 

 

 

 

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A Dream and a Name

In this dream I was at a gym preparing for a group class. The instructor came in and had us all grab barbells. For some reason I grabbed two very small dumbbells to do push-ups and then realized we were going to do something else, so dropped them only to find all the barbells were taken. The instructor then had us line up very close, holding our barbells. Then we were attached to one another by clips. The result was that we appeared as a human grid.

Our assignment was to run a route in pairs. We would be carrying a barbell between us and our fuel was an assortment of tea.

As my partner and I ran together, we far outpaced the rest of the group. The route was a dirt path among rolling hills covered in tall, green grass. The view from the top of the hill was spectacular and my partner and I sprinted down the hill together at a high speed. I remember looking behind us and seeing our group shrink as the distance between us increased. I remember feeling intense joy and pride at our accomplishment.

Then we reached the bottom of the hill and our speed dramatically decreased. We slowly made our way to what appeared to a be a large temple or shrine made out of light gray stone. There were paved roads that meandered around green patches of grass dotted with flowers and surrounded by short hedges.

I noticed our ration of tea bags was almost gone and we were nearly out of water. How could we ever get to the finish line without our fuel? I decided to put several tea bags in our last remaining water. My partner said, “Wouldn’t that make the tea too strong?” I said yes and explained I liked it that way. There remained three gray tea bags of Oolong tea.

This is when the others in our group began to catch up to us. One pair passed us and I noticed they were on a tandem bicycle. That is when I realized my partner and I were on two separate bicycles.

As we made our way toward the main road, my partner wanted to take a different route. I hesitated but then followed him since both routes led to the same destination. As we pedaled down the path, I saw two police officers rounding up some children who did not follow the directions and were off track. I remember thinking I was glad I was not one of them.

path

Dream Interpretation

The dream is suggestive of not working with my counterpart toward our common goal. There is a separation that exists, symbolized by the separate bicycle when we should be on a tandem bike. Tea is symbolic of life satisfaction and taking one’s time in regards to a relationship. Not only is tea our “fuel” and we are running low but our speed slows down significantly.

In-Between Communication

Prior to waking from this dream, I found myself in a discussion with an online friend. We were talking about desire and her lack of it and my sudden increase of it. I pointed out my partner, who appeared much as he did in past lucid dreams though he was quite a distance away in this particular lucid moment. I remember telling her, “I don’t have any issue with it (desire) now.” She had said something like, “My partner and I do not have any interest in each other anymore.”

She then said to me, “If you want to be with him why don’t you initiate?” I said, “I don’t know. I just don’t want to.” I remember looking at my partner from a distance and thinking I would like him to come over where we were standing.

That is when I became lucid in the in-between and my Companion was close. I knew he wanted me to do what he normally did in our past encounters. He wanted me to initiate our connection. My first thought was, “How? I don’t know how.” Yet I could feel my heart chakra active. It felt like my entire chest was a mass of solid energy. My third eye was also active.

There was recognition then that I preferred to be the pursued, not the pursuer. In fact, all my life I have never once pursued anyone other than one boyfriend in high school who took my advances to mean I wanted to jump right in bed with him. This was not the case and I quickly withdrew. I discovered that if I showed any interest in a man (meaning just being nice to them or friendly) it was misconstrued to mean I wanted to have sex with them. So I quickly learned to remain distant and let them pursue me. If I was interested then I would accept. It I was not, I would ignore them or straight out tell them to back off. It really sucked for me to be this way because I prefer men to women as friends yet I could never have a male friend because they always wanted it to go beyond friendship. 😦

That is when I was straight out told that I needed to reverse this role. I needed to pursue what I wanted. If I wanted sex, then I need to initiate it. If I wanted the heart connection, then I needed to initiate it. There is nothing wrong with wanting either. It is my right, my decision.

But I fear the rejection that goes with it. I recognized this fear right away.

That is when I recall hearing myself ask my Companion, “What is your name?” I heard myself reply, “Allen”. This brought me to full wakefulness and I remember hearing an entire name, “Richard Allen” but I can’t remember the last name now. Then I could not remember my own name and it took me quite some time to remember it.

As I lingered in bed, trying to get a grip on reality, I had a vivid vision of an orange cat. It was very obviously dead.

 

orangecat

 

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Dream: Caging the Dogs

In this dream I was at my mom’s house. There were two dogs who I was scolding and putting in a large pen that resembled a chicken pen. They had escaped on more than one occasion and the screen door was damaged. I tied the door in place with bungee cords and then spotted a small hole that I knew one of the dogs would try and escape out of. So I went scrounging for a piece of wire to patch the hole. I found some on an old, rotten chicken coup and pulled it off along with the tiny wires that held the piece in place. Then I patched the hole. I was very meticulous about placing the patch and felt proud of myself when I completed it because I knew there was no way the dogs could escape.

Interpretation

I am afraid of something I know, something that I feel may escape if I do not pen it up properly. This “something” is connected to the symbol of the dog. Dogs can represent various things. In this particular dream they are playful and are escaping and causing damage to their pen. A pen is typically symbolic of communication and self-expression and since this one resembled a chicken pen then I am afraid of expressing a certain aspect of myself. Based upon these symbols, I can only guess that I am being encouraged to stop limiting my expression of my intuitive gifts. This does not feel totally correct, though, and I want to say that the dogs represent living life fully and being loyal to myself.

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Two Recurring Dream Symbols

My sleep has been very dream-filled and deep of late. There are some symbols that keep repeating that I think are worth mentioning.

Cats

Cats continue to appear. Usually they are in varying states of health. My most vivid memory is of a gray cat that was literally cut in half yet still alive. There was also a memory of a cat and a snake together. This cat was white and also ill. Still yet there was another dream in which the cat was lashing out at me with its claws and hissing. I was not afraid of it, though.

Cats are representative of feminine sexuality, independence, creativity and/or power. For me, they are usually indicative of my sexuality. The colors vary, but I suspect the gray cat that was cut in half represents my masculine and feminine sides not yet being united and whole. Aggression is symbolic of not accepting my feminine side/sexuality. The white cat with the snake could indicate fear of the feminine side of myself.

No Gas (Fuel)

Twice now I have had memories of looking at my cars fuel gauge and seeing it on empty.

In the first dream I was chasing a man who I had been dating but had disconnected from me. I never saw the man. Instead I was outside an apartment complex getting into my car. When I turned on my car it began to shake violently and the lights flashed. That is when I realized I had no gas and needed to get to a gas station. I found one nearby but it was foreign – the cost of the gas was in liters and it cost 50 cents a liter. The attendant approached me and he was Japanese and asked how he could assist me. I allowed him to fill up my gas tank and gave him my credit card which was in the shape of the state of Texas.

The second dream was just of me seeing my gas gauge was at empty and being concerned about it.

Apparently I need to rest and re-energize or feel the need to do so. It also indicates that I need to focus on my health, which I am doing. It just so happens that the number 50 has to do with healing and well-being.

 

 

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Message: Worship Life

If you stripped away all the roles and labels you identify with, what would be left?

This question was asked of me this morning along with these messages:

Worship life.

Think “some day” and you’ll spend the rest of your life waiting for “some day” to come.

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51 510 

Dreams

My dreams were also intensely vivid and related to these messages.

In one dream I was standing by an area where bundles of tall sticks had been stored vertically. Amidst them were four babies that appeared to be dead but when inspected were very much alive. We revived them and they morphed into dogs and the rest of the dream involved discussion about the dogs.

In the other dream me and my family moved to Alaska where a sustainable community was being created. The place was all gray and dreary and I kept worrying about the long nights ahead and dreading the future. I had a feeling that I should be happy but I was not and I was bored.

Memories

When I awoke all kind of things were going through my head. The song, from my previous post  was the most noticeable but there was a distinct memory of the time prior to my move to Alaska:

My ex-husband moved to Alaska before me to attend a training academy and I waited in Texas, living with my Mom and preparing for our drive to Alaska. I didn’t want to go. I knew what was waiting for me. At one point I broke down in tears while taking a shower because I wanted badly to stay in Texas. This was after I had turned down a job offer for a teaching position at a nearby school. At the time, I was too afraid to go out on my own, even with all the signs pointing to this being the right thing to do. I believed my marriage was more important; that to choose my wants and needs over my marriage was selfish and wrong. My mother had seen me crying and spoke to me about it afterward. She encouraged me to stay and I remember such pain in my heart. Unbearable pain. Excruciating.

Lessons

After this memory hit me, I was asked, “Focus on that feeling. What did it tell you?”

My response: “The feeling was showing me what I am not.”

I recognized that the feeling was trying to show me that moving to Alaska did not align with my energy/vibration. It was out of sync with me. Yet I ignored it, choosing instead to follow my ex’s path, a path that was not mine and did not align with my authentic self. The result was near disastrous for me.

I feel the beginnings of this feeling in my current life. Honestly, I don’t even want to acknowledge the feeling is emerging. I hate knowing it is there. Yet things in my life are shifting in a direction I know I am not suppose to go. What do I do with that?

Preparation

As I drifted in and out of the in-between, scenes came into my mind. One specific scene pulled me out of my reverie it surprised me so much. In this scene, a friend of mine was talking to me about needing to find a roommate. I did not recognize this friend, though. Her search came at a time in which I needed to find a place to live on my own. As I pulled myself out of the scene there came with it a knowingness that if I follow my heart, then things will align perfectly to set me on the right path.

Of course, I panicked and had thoughts like, “What will I do for a living? Where will I go? I can’t live far away from my family! I will be so alone! What about my kids?” and on and on and on. Yet the feeling with these thoughts was calm – the panic was hollow; fabricated. So weird!

In response to these thoughts there was knowing that I would be OK. I have money saved. I have a retirement fund I can cash in at any time. I can travel. I can do anything I want. I thought of traveling to Egypt and to South America. Then worry would enter and say, “But what of after all of that? What do I do when all that money is gone?”

The winning answer is “Who the f**k cares!” LOL

I know all of this is preparation for something to come. There is nothing for me to do now except prepare. It could be a year from now, two years, ten years. I don’t know. But the feeling, the PUSH is coming and I need to acknowledge it for what it is so that when it happens, the resistance will not be there.

And those labels, for me they are (in order of importance): mother, wife, daughter, sister, counselor, teacher, lover, friend. Who am I when I toss all of those? What is left?

If you try this, you will know just how scary it is to let go of these labels but at the same time extremely freeing. We can imagine ourselves without these labels but in actually letting them go – releasing the identification with them – we will find who we truly are. I don’t know the answer to this for myself yet. I have to live it. Yet there is a feeling that I will be like I was in the beginning of this life – without boundaries, always in the present moment, and endlessly exploring and loving life. Imagine that.

 

 

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Willing to Experience Anything

Though the energies have been high and quite intense, I have not noticed them quite as much as is normal. Perhaps I have adjusted? The only indicators for me that the energies are high right now are: 1. My guidance/intuition tells me they are. 2. My heart, third-eye and crown have been active on and off. 3. My sleep is more interrupted than usual and I am having more vivid dreams.

My dreams indicate that I am going through yet another transition period and making more decisions behind-the-scenes.

Community College or University – I had a dream in which I was deciding if I should go to a community college or university. A line of students were waiting for orientation at the community college and I remember mulling over my options. I was going for an advanced (doctorate) degree so I chose the university. The feeling from this dream is that I am choosing what direction I wish to go in. There comes with this dream a sense that choosing the university indicates choosing a “school” many, many others would also be attending. Maybe the lessons then are more mundane in nature?

Piranha Swimming in Air – I walked into a bedroom and saw a large aquarium with big fish in it. I prepared to feed them when I saw one of the fish swimming around in the air about me. It startled me and I left in a hurry. I told some people outside, “Do you know one of the fish escaped? Be careful because it’s a piranha and it could bite you.” I also asked, “Is it even possible for a fish to swim in the air??” Fish out of a fish tank and swimming in the air is actually a common dream for me.

Fish are usually representative of ideas and/or insights from the subconscious. A piranha is likely an idea or issue that is literally eating away at me and causing me internal upset. The fish tank itself indicates I am in control of my emotions (all but the piranha that is).

tardisRejecting Intuition – In this dream I was at a busy intersection with others. It reminded me a large city like New York. There was a man sitting on the bench. When I saw him I intuited that he would be in an accident and lose both his legs. I decided not to tell him because I believe doing so is irresponsible and unethical. I continued past him but was asked to stop and reset this machine for the next person. It reminded me of the Tardis from Dr. Who except it was smaller. I found the latch and flipped it. The latch was labeled, “Walk-in”. There was much confusion here in the dream and a thought of wishing I didn’t know what the future would bring.

Continued Shifting

There are other dreams intermixed with these but the themes are similar. When I awoke one of the six times that I woke in the night (ugh!) I recall knowing that I had chosen to slow down progress towards Wholeness. I am afraid and need to sort through that fear. I was not very nice to myself upon recognizing this and viewed it as a flaw. There was also knowing that a rest period has been entered (again) and April 4 came to mind. As usual it appears my guidance is giving me a heads up on when the next rush of energies (likely Kundalini) is coming.

In the meanwhile, physically I look and feel wonderful. There has been a physical transformation in me over the last couple of weeks that I am pleased with. My complexion is superb when it has been anything but since the end of January. I have more energy than usual and my body just feels lighter. It is hard to describe. Additionally, I am feeling more connected to my body and feel so much more than I have in a very long time (3 years?). I am actually interested in sex again. Huh? lol Happy dance. I literally feel like I am 20 years old again. Woo-hoo!

On top of these changes, I am also feeling more motivated. Today I have an appointment with an orthodontist to fix my teeth which has been an on-going irritation for me since my 20’s. I have never done anything because of the high cost involved and I could never justify paying so much for one out of place tooth. This time I’m going to do it. It’s an early 40th birthday present to myself. 🙂

There is also present an inkling that I might be able to venture back into the workplace. The thought of it is still unsettling but I sense this will break down in the next few months. There are still some things in my life that need to shift before looking for work but I am being prepared for something that is coming.

I am willing to experience anything at this point. 🙂