Category Archives: Dreams

by

Dream: Evacuation

After the K-rising incident this morning I was somehow able to return to sleep. I had a very vivid dream which I believe may have some precognitive components to it.

Dream: Evacuation

The dream started with me outside with a large group of people. There were police officers and people of “high rank” that called the gathering. They had megaphones and were directimg people in certain directions. I remember being inside a massive room with enormous windows from floor to ceiling. Looking back on it, it reminds me of an airport but I don’t know which one (DFW?). There were children running about and I was trying to keep track of mine. I got distracted by the many helicopters that were circling very, very close to the windows. I can still see the blue and white underside vividly in my mind.

Then there was an evacuation of large masses of the human population into an underground complex. The complex was completely air tight and had provisions and accommodations enough for hundreds, maybe thousands of people.

Inside it was all concrete and steel with ample lighting. I remember there was much confusion at first and I was searching for my children. I was told they were in a room with other children. I located the room which was the size of a movie theater and saw many children covered in blankets laying down to sleep.

Then the room seemed to spin and all the children vanished. In their place was a black sheet of ice. As I went toward the exit the ice began to crack and huge crevices began to form. One man threw some metal tools into a large fan. He was one of the many who had gone insane from the stress of the situation. The metal tools caused the fan to stick and sparks began to fly. I knew a fire was imminent and went to warn everyone. While all this was happening there was an underlying current of tension and panic from the people. The only thing I cared about was finding my son.

I found myself in a kitchen and there were several kids playing. I asked about my son and they told me he had climbed into a giant ice machine and gotten stuck. After some tense moments trying to shut it off, I was able to get him out. Inside was not ice but giant waffles. Very strange!

Then I was back inside the airport-type place with large windows. There was an announcement that seemed projected into the air above the windows. The announcement was that the President was unable to fulfill his/her duties so Clinton was called in to take over. I remember thinking, “Why would they call in Clinton?” On the screen was a clear-as-day image of Clinton as he announced some major changes to the US. He announced that the US was in a state of emergency and to seek shelter immediately.

Considerations

When I awoke the feeling was that the dream had some very important precognitive messages in it. I am not sure what is precognitive and what isn’t, but the main feeling I brought back from it was that Clinton was important. My first thought was that his wife, Hillary, was the one unable to fulfill her duties as president. But relax, if you don’t want Clinton as president, remember, this is just a dream. lol

In considering the dream now, I feel like there will be something that creates a need for martial law and temporary evacuation of the population of some areas. The feeling in the dream was uncertainty. I felt very much like I did while watching the news when the planes hit the twin towers. A tenseness and feeling of “what’s next?”

I also think the scenes of the dream are two different time periods. The airport scenes are likely an evacuation point and it felt less tense there. I felt safe and reassured that if I stayed there I would be okay. The underground location was much more chaotic, like things had gotten worse and many people had died. I shudder to think what might have happened to make me feel like I did in the dream.

If this is precognitive then it also suggests the time period of such events. Bill Clinton will be alive, at least during the airport time period. I don’t know how old he is now but the image I saw of him in the dream was very similar to how he looks now. For all I know, the second time period of the underground location could be years later.

Then again, this dream may not be precognitive at all.

Picture found at http://pedrocarrion.com/dallas-fort-worth-international-airport/

 

 

by

Another Visit from Kundalini

I have taken to meditating in the middle of the day this week. Usually, this time is spent clearing my mind and connecting with my Team.

We discussed my fear reaction during the previous night’s dreamstate in which I felt the Kundalini rising. They reassured me that all was going as planned. My Companion was particularly excited and his energy was very uppity, more so than usual. He showed me a visual of a thumb and pointer finger real close together and said, “You are almost there.” As I became more relaxed and close to entering the trance state I saw a visual of Dorothy’s red shoes tapping together three times and heard, “There’s no place like home.” This brought me out of my reverie and I wondered about it, and heard, “The Union is close. Soon you’ll be Home. We’re waiting for you.” The energy around me indicated quite a few more members of my Team than I am use to. I tried not to overthink it, but typically when the numbers rise, so do my chances of a “big event” in my life. The excitement from my Team was tremendous.

Talk about a build, up, huh? lol

Dream: Choosing to be Bad

I was with a family consisting of a mother, father and young woman. The environment had a continuous golden hue about it as did the young woman who was the focus of my attention. I was traveling with the family to what would be the woman’s new school (university).

We approached an island in a boat. The island was magnificent with crystal blue waters surrounding it and white sand beaches. It also had tall, red porous rock (pumice) mounds formed from the magma from an old volcano. The rock was used as a building material for the housing of the island and I could see tall structures resembling human-sized ant colonies with blue glass windows indicating the separate living quarters.

We walked amidst many hundreds of other families who were all gathering there for orientation. I was sent to gather information when we stopped and stood at the base of an elevator. There was a feeling of anticipation mixed with nervousness, similar to how I recall feeling on my own first day of college. There is nervousness in going off on one’s own but this is also the very source of the excitement.

I went to the university cafe to order something to eat and saw a group of dark haired, Asian men in a group discussing something. An officer approached them to break them up and I assumed these men must be of the “bad” sort. I then watched some students mingling around a table. One was standing in an ant bed and had ants crawling up his trousers.

The men caught my attention again and before I knew it I was standing next to one of them. All I recall now is his dark hair because there was an intense attraction to him. He persuaded me to go with him and was very blunt in his advances. My entire focus was on him and the feeling he gave me. It was spectacular and I was enthralled by its seductive quality. I felt completely and utterly under his spell and did not reject it.

I spent the rest of the dream with this man who told me his name was Michael. He had 100% of my attention and anything he suggested I was willing to do, even if it was something I would normally never consider doing. Despite me describing him as “bad”, he was nothing of the sort. He was completely gentle, loving and compassionate. I trusted him with my all and knew he would never ask of me something that was not in my best interests. Besides, the spectacular feeling I had when around him was intoxicating. I knew without a doubt that I didn’t want to be with anyone but him.

The dream shifted. I was in a state of euphoria, going around from person to person asking them if they were going to attend the event. It had a name but it is lost to me now. However, I knew that it was similar to a divorce because in my mind the event’s focus was on my current husband and our dissolution of marriage. In the dream I was not upset at all about this. In fact, I was celebrating it.

The Micheal person who I had been with earlier in the dream reappeared then and began to discuss with me plans for our Union. I do not remember it  – or anything we talked about really  – I was too absorbed in the amazing, all-encompassing bliss feeling that was coursing through me. All I cared about was completing the circuit of this energy but was held back by him. “Not yet” was all remember him saying about it.

Afterwards

I woke up and the dream quickly began to fade, but my Companion was talking to me and continuing the conversation I was having with Michael in the dream. When I focused on his voice in my mind my heart lit up with an amazing feeling. It is indescribable! It was so much more powerful than I had felt up until this point that I wondered if I was about to die. All I wanted to do was succumb to it; to let it overtake me and be lost in it. It is beyond any ecstasy I have ever experienced and even that is an inadequate description.

I wish I could remember everything he said to me, but again the feeling was so amazing and powerful that my mental focus was nil. lol I had lost all resistance. Not one ounce of it remained. Even now all I can think about is losing myself in that feeling. I remember briefly thinking as the feeling waned, “I should be afraid. He (my Companion) could do anything he wanted with me and I would accept it. What if he is tempted to abuse that power?” I understood then the source of my fear for any human would be tempted by such power over another. Yet the thought disintegrated in the presence of the all-encompassing bliss feeling. I didn’t care one bit if I was abused. But I knew I wouldn’t be.

At this point my crown chakra was intensely blazing and it felt as if the entirety of the top and back of my head was a vast vortex of energy flowing in. My third-eye was also blazing but distinctly separate from the crown sensation. Since the heart bliss was still very powerful, I briefly thought the circuit was about to complete. All that was missing was my throat chakra! This is when most of our conversation becomes memorable to me.

From what I can recall of our conversation, he told me that the Union was forthcoming. My trip to Mt. Shasta was mentioned along with the soul exchange. He told me I would be “called” and in this case I knew it was in regards to my “work” here on Earth. There was a sense that after the Union my focus – knowingness – would be shifted into high gear and the doubt erased as to what I am suppose to do and why. It scared me somewhat because I knew partially what this entailed and my dream hinted at it.

He reminded me of something he told me during the last full moon (major K energy then, too). He told me, “When you see me, you will die a thousands deaths.” I suspect now this is meant to warn me of what to expect when the Union is complete. I attribute Union to the completion of the Kundalini circuit, but I may be wrong. All I know is that I am more than willing to die a thousand deaths and then some. That is how seductive the feeling is. It says, “Surrender to me” and the feeling is that when I fully surrender that I will cease to exist as me – that I will become We. I will go back to Source and become Whole; complete; restored to my full brilliance.

I can’t wait.

 

 

by

Beetle Mania

Sorry to disappoint you, but this is not about The Beatles. 🙂 lol

For about a week  I’ve been seeing beetles everywhere. First they were coming in my dreams. Big, black, shiny beetles walking around. I noticed them in my dreams as out of place and so when I woke that was pretty much all I recalled about the dream. Weird, huh?

Last night as I went into the house and was preparing for bed, I looked down on my black yoga pants and saw a bug. Looking closer I recognized it. Do you?

A little lightening bug was on me! Tee-hee!

Then this morning, about an hour after thinking to myself, “I need to write a post on beetles because I keep seeing them” I spotted a tiny black beetle on the floor in the bathroom. It was probably the size of my pinky fingernail, but it was still gross to me so I picked it up with some TP and tossed it in the toilet. Yuck!

So what is up, Mr. Beetle? Why do you keep coming around?

Upon first inspection, seeing a beetle in your dreams does not look to be a good sign. Everywhere I looked online said that if you see a beetle in your dreams just casually walking around (like in mine) then it means there is a destructive force present in your waking life. This destructive force could be internal or external. Other than that, it leaves the determination of just what this force is up to the dreamer. Not really that easy to do in my case as there are so many such forces both internally and externally that I can choose from. lol

Then I thought to look up the symbolism of the beetle as a totem or sign just to see if it differed from the dream symbolism. Sometimes the meaning is the same regardless but in this case it was very different.

As always I went to whats-your-sign.com and found a plethora of information on the symbolism of the beetle. Yay! I love that website! Anyway, rather than summarize everything, I will just pick and choose those parts of Mr. Beetle’s message that I feel are applicable to me and my situation.

Transformation
Adaptation
Surrender to change
Strength
Stability
Give thanks for those things that are stable, reliable and secure in my life
Focus on the material
Be more grounded
Be more rooted in our life (family connections)
Take note of negative thoughts and their influence
Black indicates promotion of stability, protection and healing misunderstandings

It seems to me that Mr. Beetle has come to remind me to focus on my life and getting it on track. All things mundane and then some is what seems to be his theme. There is, of course, a spiritual component to his message, but it seems that he wants me to see the spiritual in the physical. This I am happy to do but at the same time I would rather not get my hands dirty with some of the more unpleasant parts. I admit, little, black beetles give me the heebie-jeebies. lol

I prefer the message of the little firefly/lightening bug. I linked to the symbolism above but will say his message brings me a bit more hope. I can use some inspiration, imagination, illumination, and patience. Patience especially. 🙂

 

 

by

Dream, OBE and Realizations

As always, just when I think I’ve gone back to “normal”, something happens to shake things up.

It began with me feeling a strange energy shift yesterday which made me feel a bit melancholy. I requested help prior to sleep, asking my guidance what, if anything, I should do. I was told I would astral project but I responded that I was not really interested in projecting.

Dream: Scandal

I entered a semi-lucid dream in which I was a guest at a luncheon with many friends and acquaintances. The house was quaint and reminded me of a country cottage. There was a long table dressed with a white tablecloth in the center of a country-style kitchen. Sitting at the table was approximately five or six people, couples mostly.

The wooden floors creaked as I approached the table. I was introduced to a woman who was familiar from recent dream. She had dark, curly, shoulder-length hair and fair skin. When we were introduced I became dizzy, which was odd. My entire head began to spin and within the dream I recognized why. I knew this woman and her partner. There was a brief memory of Russia being involved in this exchange of information. A past life perhaps? IDK but it triggered a dizzy spell within the dream experience.

Then I was interacting with this woman’s partner. I never quite saw him clearly, which is weird. He was young, I know that, and I believe he also had fair skin but still I struggle to recall his exact appearance. He came up to me and there was a huge inrush of attraction and energy that hit me square in the heart and shot down through to my root chakra. He moved in very close to me and there was a knowingness that his intentions were to be with me despite having a partner. He hooked his arm around mine and led me to the opposite side of the room. He kept brushing my chest purposefully. I recall that I was wearing a corseted blue dress. My reaction to this was to pull away out of fear that someone would see us. I remember a man glancing in our direction and the word “scandal” came to mind.

Then we were outside of the cottage on the edge of a large, green meadow. There were very tall trees that towered over us and a cool breeze. I leaned up against one of the trees, its bark was white like an aspen. The man was with me and he was embracing me and there was such a glorious feeling in this. My heart was so full that I could not breathe. I recall him asking me if I would run off to Montana with him. I wanted to. Badly. Yet I kept having this awful feeling of dread and my emotions were conflicted to the point of torture. What about his partner? I couldn’t do that to her. I was ashamed that I wanted to.

I don’t recall making out or doing anything sexual with this man. At one point, though, my breasts were exposed and I was encouraging him by saying, “They are all outside”. Obviously, the dream had shifted back to inside the cottage. The man said, “No, they are just there” pointing to the doors. I became frozen with fear at this point and a bit paranoid. The energy was still pummeling me from my chest to my toes. I was overcome by it. I wanted to completely succumb to it yet at the same time I was paralyzed by it.

At this point the man and everyone else disappeared. I was alone in the cottage searching for a broom and dustpan. My entire focus was to sweep up some spilled cereal that had gotten underneath the cabinets. At the back of my mind the entire time was the man and what he represented. I wanted nothing to do with any of it.

Realizations

I woke up gradually and without much memory of the dream at first. However, someone was still speaking to me and encouraging me to remember. I was asked to focus on what I felt. When I did this I felt the surge of energy in my heart chakra and an inability to breathe through it. I shut it down as quickly as I could but at the same time I did not want the feeling to stop. It is the most spectacular feeling yet when I have it I feel so much dread, as if I will die or something horrible will happen if I allow it. I want desperately to get away from the feeling.

Within moments of all of this, I realized  my “running” was true. I was absolutely terrified and in that moment all I felt was a paralyzing terror. The heart sensation was muted and I wanted to feel it but I also wanted to run as far away from it as I could get. To want something so desperately but at the same time feel absolute terror and dread for that very thing is a VERY conflicting situation to be in. I HATE IT!

The dream began to hit me in full and the woman and the dizzy feeling was very pronounced. I literally began to lose consciousness in the dream and could almost contact the feeling right then and there while recalling it. I knew there was a past life connection there somewhere. It was linked to Russia and in recalling the dream I remember hearing someone speak with a Russian accent. In my mind a scenario began to play out. Couple immigrates from Russia. Man meets me and we are caught up in a scandalous romance. He begs me to run off with him to Montana.

I immediately tossed it from my mind, though. I couldn’t handle it. No more past lives! No more of any of this!

I felt so much dread and a pure panic. My mind was going a million miles an hour but the thoughts were muddled and nothing made sense. The main thoughts that I had were that that wonderful feeling = really horribly bad stuff. lol

As I calmed and listened to my guidance I understood that the Kundalini was in a sense forcing these issues to the surface. I have so much fear associated with this particular kind of love but I desperately want to experience it. I was reminded that this love is okay and I am not “bad” for feeling it. Despite this I could not help but feel “bad”. I felt awful. I felt like a whore. A slut. Completely degraded. WTF?

OBE

I fell back to sleep hearing my guide tell me, “You will project”. He was correct. But it was a brief projection. Almost immediately upon returning to sleep I woke up from within a dream and said, “I’m OUT! I’m OUT!” over and over. “Out” meaning OOB. I disconnected from my dream-self, turned around and forcefully said to her, “I’m OUT!!!” As I did, I literally pushed her away from me but the sensation was the opposite of what I expected. I felt myself pulled with intense force back into her. For what seemed like an eternity I pushed and pushed with all my might to get away from her. I was “out” but couldn’t detach completely. And in focusing so much on trying to get out I began to hold my breath. Imagine pushing on something, like a heavy dresser, and how you bear down, holding your breath as you push with all your might. This is what I did to the point that I felt my physical body screaming for air. The sensation of breathlessness was the last straw and my physical body sucked me back with such force that my energy was very strange and I felt somewhat disoriented. I yelled at my guides, “I want OUT and I don’t want to ever go back!” I heard in reply, “Foolish girl”. LOL Now that just made me angry and I said, “If it is possible I will figure out how to do it.”

Considerations

I drifted back to sleep briefly and when I awoke I felt much more settled. My heart was no longer blazing but my entire midsection was sore. I am sure I gave my solar plexus quite a workout. lol

The struggle I am going through is not fun. I honestly don’t know how to embrace the feeling that I obviously want to embrace despite the fear it triggers. I know I need to confront the fear head-on but I don’t know how. There is such an exhaustion related to this struggle now. I wish I had never contacted the feeling now, but then I can’t go back, can I? Obviously, in my past lives, I have felt the feeling and been overcome by it, making some really stupid decisions and then blaming myself, degrading myself, beating myself up for it. There is a sense that I would die for the feeling, and I guess I have several times. LOL I can laugh now, but then the energetic impact, the “soul damage” that has been done is painfully obvious. I relate the feelings with being “bad” or “bad” things. The judgement is severe. Sigh. Yet I know I will get past it. The only way out is through.

 

by

Dream: Heart Maze

I went to bed with questions, lots of them. One in particular was about the coming ReUnion phase.

Dream: Heart Maze

I was having a discussion with someone I know from the internet. I could hear her very clearly and she had a distinct accent. I am not sure what kind of accent it was, but I remember seeing her screen name flash in front of me several times. She was addressing my fears about the ReUnion phase and what it would mean for me.

There is much missing from the dream now because it was the first dream of the evening and I awoke right after. I thought about writing it down but was too tired and so set the intention to remember it. I should have written it down.

In the discussion I do recall that she directly answered my question about whether the phase meant I would meet more individuals with whom I had a strong heart connection. I don’t feel I can handle anymore such connections and so was worried more were coming. She said right out, “It is inevitable.” hahaha

She then showed me why it was inevitable. There is little memory of her words now, but the images are quite vivid. I saw the human heart up close. Inside of it was a maze. It looked like one of those maze games inside of a small plastic container. The object of those games it to get a tiny silver ball through the entire maze just by moving the container.

I saw the “heart maze” and inside was the tiny ball. The woman explained that the paths of this maze were not clear. Sometimes I would come up against resistance. I saw then a blockage in the maze that looked like a small piece of debris. The silver ball could not pass through. She explained these were emotions and that in order to remove the blockages I must allow the emotions to flow. It was stressed that too much focus on the emotional debris would keep it in place.

I remember she told me that these connections were a blessing and to welcome them with open arms. She was very encouraging and positive. The overall feeling was that these connections were mutually agreed-upon and spiritually supportive. A blessing and a gift.

I wish now I could remember everything she said, but the feeling when I awoke was that the heart connections were meant to help clear these blockages. The connections blow through several blockages and clear more of the path than if they do not occur. I remember making a mental connection with the video game Pac-Man. The connections give me super powers to blast through the blockages. lol

I awoke feeling very grateful to my friend for helping me with this understanding. However, I am still not looking forward to the ReUnion phase. I think I prefer clearing out my blockages one at a time to gaining superpowers from a partnership. lol

by

OBE: Human DNA

I awoke at 5:30am wide awake and determined to fix my life. lol I got up and got a drink of water to try and calm down because even though I was prepared to do some drastic things at that very moment, I knew better than to do anything when in such a state.

I returned to bed at 5:55am and tried to meditate. It didn’t work too well at first but slowly the irritation melted away. The last thing I remember is hearing the tiny footsteps of one of my children as they went downstairs. I remember thinking, “That’s it. I’m going to have to get up soon.” Then I remembered it was Sunday and realized I didn’t have to get up. So I rolled over onto my left side to sleep.

Lucid to OBE: The Plan

I found myself in a dark room along with two others both of them men I think. I couldn’t see well but the energy was good and so I assumed the lights were just off. One man in particular was very close to me. I could feel his arm next to mine. This brought on full lucidty and I knew I was OOB. I looked at my hands and said, “Clarity now” and could feel and see everything stabilize. Still feeling the man so close to me I began to immediately want one thing: sex. LOL

I kept trying to get the man interested in me but he was talking strangely. Talking about a “plan” that needed to be worked on and asking the other guy if he had gotten the information. The whole conversation reminded me of a James Bond movie or “Black Ops” type stuff. I was not in the least interested in what they were saying, though.

The man I was interested in kept walking away from me as he was talking. I was aware of a door and heard someone enter and them whispering. Still not caring, I got the attention of the guy and tried to kiss him and he sent me a message telepathically that this was not what we were suppose to be doing. lolol Looking back on this now I am sure I was in my child personality – all bubbly and high energy and a bit sporadic. I definitely don’t listen well when I am “the child”.

At some point I lost connection and shifted into my body. I could feel the energy still prime to go back out, so I did.

OBE: Human DNA

Back in the scene again, I immediately went back to trying to get the guy interested in me. The conversation continued about this “plan” but I was oblivious. Instead, I wanted to play.

Looking up I noticed a staircase and grabbed onto the railing. I swung up and around it and then landed right on top of the man. I still can’t see him but this time he allows me to embrace him and kiss him, but something is weird about it. I did’t physically feel him but instead it felt like a blob of plastic. And it is like I am kissing air. Undeterred I hear him say something like, “There, I’m done.” I say back to him, “I want to see you.” I strain my eyes through the darkness to try and see him. I see an outline and move closer and then he ducks out of the way. He does this several times until I grab onto him and push him down onto the floor.

Finally thinking I will be able to see this mystery man, I look down at the person whose shoulders I have my hands on. My vision suddenly brightens up, like someone turned on the lights. In front of me is not a man at all but a small girl with long, blonde hair. When I see her I let her get up and she looks at me a bit stunned. I’m stunned briefly but then see a flash of color through the windows. “Fireworks!” I yell to the girl. She looks confused. I say to her, “Come on! Let’s go see!” I grab her hand and she resists, pulling back, but I am bigger and stronger and just drag her along behind me.

I go right through the door – no resistance. It is like it just disappears. The girl is right behind me but I don’t feel like I am dragging her anymore.

We fly out into the road and I can see the bright reds, blues and whites of what I assume is fireworks. At the same time, a small child comes running toward us. He is all alone and couldn’t be more than 3 or 4 years old. I say aloud, “There’s a kid coming.” I heard a boy’s voice respond but I never see who it comes from.

I turn to see who is speaking to me but my attention is drawn to my own house. It is bigger than life and so grand looking, the white bricks gleaming. It resembles a mansion. I also notice that we are standing lower than we should be. There is a small, stone stair that leads up to the house. Being this stair is not there in real life, I take note of it wondering briefly where I am.

I still see fireworks and hear booming but am confused because no fireworks I’ve ever seen looked this way. I say aloud, “I wonder what it is?” and send a mental thought wondering why the colors were not streaming down like fireworks do. And hear a male voice say, “It’s human DNA.” And I think, “Of course.”

I grab the little girl’s hand and we fly toward the noise and lights. We are stopped suddenly by a black military Hummer. Men in black and gray military garb wearing black hats and carrying radios hang out the windows and glare at us. This is when I begin to think the fireworks are not fireworks but flares and the booms are guns.

Curious and with absolutely no fear, I float down the street and see tall apartment buildings to my left. I hear yelling. I stop and look up and on a balcony above there are several men in black with guns. They are pointing their guns at civilians who are wearing their night clothes and very obviously afraid. I hear a gun go off and one of the men in black yells. I see a woman, obviously terrified, follow orders and stand where she is told. There is a line of scared civilians behind her. I know a man had just been killed and shudder a bit from the knowledge of this.

We continue down the street which has now morphed into some unfamiliar city. It reminds me of the UK but I have not been to many European cities so it could have been anywhere. The reason it reminded me of the UK is that there were shops on the lower levels of the buildings and above them were apartments where people lived. The buildings were very close together. Quite cramped for space. This is what I saw when I visited London.

I saw on the streets two men standing and watching the commotion on the balcony above. They look foreign but their skin tone is white and both look to be in their 50’s. One was smoking a cigarette. I asked them if they were going to do anything. The man with the cigarette said something like, “We don’t get involved” and they both shrugged their shoulders. Both were wearing a red cloth armband and their clothing reminded me of clothing a rebel or militia member would wear. The color was mostly green but it was not a uniform. It was familiar to me but now I cannot place it.

There was a realization at this time that pulled me back into my body. My last thought was, “Too many of us are bystanders.” And I felt so sad about how few of us were trying to help. It was like the entire OBE was a lesson on the state of the world and why it was the way it was. Too many bystanders.

Message

Back in my body I sensed my guides near and said, “I want to go back.” I knew my energy was not right but despite that I still tried to return. Instead I ended up in the in-between with several guides around me. It was like the first OBE – the scene was dark and I could not see anyone’s face.

I could sense the presence of both male and female energy. Still trying to will myself back into the scene, I kept trying to catch the right wave of vibrations to exit. When it became clear that I was not suppose to leave, I settled down.

Then I heard a male voice say, “You have six keys left.” In front of me I saw an illuminated golden key ring and six small, golden keys dangling from it. Before I had a chance to think about it I heard a woman’s voice say, “We’ve been trying to tell you. You can’t act prematurely. There’s still six left to go.”

There was more said without words. I knew these were the ones helping me, who have been helping me for a while now. There was a sense that I was not being very cooperative and this was their attempt to get me to listen. The message was clear, “Now was not the time to take action. These feelings will pass.”

Edit: I took 100mg B6 prior to bed. I’m starting to think B6 is my ticket to OBE. lol

by

Determined to See This Through

The heart fire is coming and going and bringing with it all kinds of emotions. I am grateful for it’s return because I feel more alive when it is present despite the inner conflict that arises within me.

Yesterday, about mid-afternoon, I went into grief for no apparent reason. Thankfully, I am able to observe these releases and with this one it was easy to see that my grief stemmed from my inability to act on the divine love I have for my counterpart. I almost laughed out loud because it felt like what I would expect a horrible breakup would feel like. Since I have not experienced feelings of such magnitude I can only speculate that “breakup” grief is what it resembles.

In an attempt to understand my grief and this amazing connection I have been blessed with, I asked for help. I was led to read WP, checking Reader for new posts. I stumbled upon this post. The synchronicities blew me away and I began to wonder about one of my recent dreams. I reread that dream and connections were made.

My dreams have been pointing me in the direction of healing for as long as I can remember. How blind I have been! The emotional release accompanying this realization confirmed I was on the right track.

Then I was led to read another of my past posts. The synchronisities screamed at me. I had not noticed them when the post was written but now, now they are so obvious! This part especially hit home:

As we left for the evening, I had to leave behind my new friends and rejoin my family. I felt torn and there was agony in my decision. I walked toward my “old” family carrying a large trailer behind me. It was as if I were the car and it (a huge trailer) was hitched to me. As I walked along the road, I encountered masses of people walking toward me – the wrong way. They were drunk and dazed and I remember thinking, “They don’t see me”.

The entire walk home one of my new friends accompanied me. He and I had a strong connection, one that made me feel alive again. It was like he was my soul mate (if such a thing exists).

When I got home I remember I forgot my keys but decided to not go back. I had crossed through a “gate” of some sort and to go back through it would mean going through a “check-point” and I didn’t want to risk getting caught. What I was getting caught for, I don’t know.

When I woke up I was very sad and questioning why. I felt completely and utterly dissociated from my life, my family, and everyone I know. The feeling was so intensely real that I figured it must mean I needed to disconnect from my life and everyone in it. I believed this to the point that I even looked online for an apartment and told my husband I wanted to move out.

The realization of all of this, all of this I had not seen, blew me away. Of course, I can’t be so hard on myself. I was unable to see it at that time. So much had not yet been revealed to me. But now, now I know.

The first dream was warning me of what was to come. The destruction is my entire life, my foundations, falling down around me. Tear it all down and then build it back up. It is destruction of the old me to make way for the new. It is also representative of how my world was turned upside down in December 2015. The ReUnion threw me into chaos for a time and, like the second dream stated so clearly, “I had crossed through a ‘gate’ of some sort’ and there is was going back.

Everything in bold is how I felt the end of December through January. My whole life felt wrong and I so desperately wanted out of it and to join my new friend.

Putting it all together, my mind was made up. This last hurdle must be confronted and destroyed if I am to get to the other side. Going back is not an option.

waterfall

Dream: Waterfall

I went to bed asking to move forward. “Show me what I need to see,” I said. My Companion whispered to me, “Remember.” I knew this was a good sign.

In the dream I on a boat with a male friend. He resembled the man who I call my counterpart except this time he was much younger and his skin a bit lighter. I sensed he had more “life” in him than before.

We were on a fast flowing, massive river similar in size to the Amazon. It was forking in front of us. Both sides equal except for one thing. The path on the left had lines strung over it filled with live chickens hanging by their feet. They were flapping their wings and squawking loudly. On the right there was also a line but on it there were only two live chickens flapping about.

Together we chose the path to the right and navigated down the river. The rapids grew stronger and tossed us about. I knew not many took this path and that the reason was because it ended in a huge waterfall.

As we approached the waterfall, I saw a brilliant white mansion to the right. I knew no one lived in it. I had been there before.

In front of us the river narrowed substantially and its waters were channeled between pillars of concrete. It was a dam of some sort. My partner asked me if I was ready and I said, “Can’t we go around?” He said, “We shouldn’t.” Then we jumped into the river and swam to the left bank. We crawled out and sat upon the concrete together, both of us completely naked. To our right the sound of the waterfall was prominent. I felt exhausted and lay down to rest. My partner sat next to me and looked down at me. I could see him clearly and recognized him. He was nearly my age now and so beautiful. I wanted to put my fingers in his dark hair but I didn’t. I just stared up at him.

Then he was talking to me but I heard no words. Instead he was writing all over my bare skin. He was writing messages to me. His writing covered every inch of me. I saw I had written messages on his skin, too. I knew I had nothing to hide from him and he had nothing to hide from me. I wish I could remember what he wrote now but all I recall is how gentle and loving he was. My heart overflowed with love for him.

Heart Blast

I woke up in tears. Gentle tears. Tears not of sorrow but of the most profound love. My heart was blazing but part of it, the upper right section, was tender. Instead of feeling grief and agony for the seeming separation I woke up to, I felt determined; brave. I felt as if I could do anything as long as he was by my side and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was….is by my side.

I lay in my bed immersed in the love that overflowed from my heart center and heard my Companion say, “There are some things we cannot do alone.” I knew what he meant and he was not referring to himself as my partner in this instance. It was time to focus on my physical counterpart now. In that moment all I wanted to do was go; to leave everything behind and find him. Yet I knew this was impossible and not appropriate. I have contracts to complete, a mission to accomplish. I must become Whole. And instead of feeling sad about it, I felt determined and undeterred.

Whatever the waterfall is, and I have a good idea of what it is, I CAN confront it and move past it. I do it not only for me, but for him. The kind of love we have is the kind that makes me want to do anything for him. I would lose my life if I had to. I guess that is the motivation I need to move past this because to do it just for me is not enough. I don’t feel I am worth it, but he is.

I want to add that had I known a love like this existed, was even possible, I never would have wasted my time with all the others. That love was a pretend love, a projected love. I don’t mean to negate any of my past experiences or past loves, but that is how I feel. If I had known, I would not have accepted anything but the real deal.

 

by

Lucid Dream, Energy Zaps and Flying Sphere

Can you feel the energy surge? There has been a geomagnetic storm  raging since yesterday.

I noticed it yesterday. My energy was much higher than normal and my third-eye began to buzz in the evening. Then throughout the night and into the morning I had some interesting energy sensations. The energy helmet greeted me upon waking along with a nice heart chakra and solar plexus warmth.

Energy Zaps

Throughout the night I kept waking to some strange energy sensations. I have felt them before, but they still surprised me. These particular ones were connected to my thoughts. As I would drift to sleep, my mind would wander. This is a normal part of falling asleep. Everyone does it. Yet this time if a thought focused on the future, such as worrying about something that should have been or needs to be done, I would get this strange energy zap that would come in via the back of my chest and scatter as if sending shockwaves through my entire nervous system. It was very uncomfortable and woke me up every time.

After a few wakings, my guidance came through and asked, “What were you thinking about?” and I realized that only those thoughts that were anxiety-ridden were resulting in this uncomfortable energy. The solution was to focus on my heart and do some pranayama breathing. Despite doing these two things, I would still be shocked into waking because my mind would end up doing what it habitually does. The thought that woke me up the last time was: Oh, I should have made Adrian (my daughter) do her homework before bed. LOL

Lucid Dream: Back at Work

I awoke at 4am because my son was screaming. Afterward it was hard to fall back to sleep. There was energy pouring into my third-eye and crown chakras at this time forming what I like to call an energy helmet. It had been so long since I felt any energy sensations that this made falling asleep that much harder.

The next thing I remember is being in my old office at my last job. I had just arrived to work and was getting ready for the day. As I looked over my schedule and prepared for my first appointment I began thinking, “I don’t want to be here. I don’t like this job” and other similar thoughts. There was a feeling of drudgery and exhaustion that came with it. It made me feel heavy and tired.

The whole time I was sure I was wide awake but the fact that I was in my old office and back at work really upset me. I looked around at everything, inspecting it to try and find out if it was real or a dream. The acute feeling of disappointment was overwhelming and I almost started to cry. I really didn’t want to be there. Yet it felt so real!

I began to say out loud, “I don’t want to be here. I don’t work here anymore. I left this job. This has to be a dream!”

The last statement resulted in a dissolution of the entire scene. It was like it melted away around me. Very strange to witness and even stranger to feel.

The strangeness brought me back into my body but the energy sensations were not the normal vibrations I feel upon re-entry. The only way to describe them is pulsing out from me and then back into me. It was like expansion followed by contraction.

I didn’t know how to respond to this new energy so I did not attempt to go OOB, which is what I normally would have done. Instead I woke up and memories of the night flooded my mind and the energy helmet covered my head and third-eye.

Busy Night

My memories were of being with a group of four others. I seem to be with this group often – two men and two women. I have only a vague recollection of what they look like. I know one man has very dark hair but when I try to focus on any of them I only see a blur. Last night we met like we have been for some time. We usually gather together in a circle, holding hands. I have memory of doing this but am not sure what we are doing exactly.

What I recall of last night is flying in some kind of hover craft. In the dream there was a superhero theme going on and the vehicle resembled the bat mobile except that it was much, much smaller and had no tires. I was invited to fly it and was reluctant at first but then accepted the invitation. I went from apprehensive to full out thrilled as I flew it faster and faster. It was quite fun!

Another memory I have is of interacting with this hovering sphere with two dark “eyes”. It resembled some kind of video surveillance drone. It was black and dark gray and zoomed around me about four feet above my head. It was about the size of a basketball. In the dream I had been told I won a prize and was given laser guns and played a game of trying to zap the drone with the lasers. lol

What is funny is that I recall that I woke from this dream to a feeling of being zapped by energy and hearing the electrified buzzing sound that I heard yesterday while in a lucid state. The sound was so very unsettling yet at the same time completely familiar. I had been too tired at the time to notice but when the memory returned so did the memory of the distinct sound. Crackling, electrified buzzing. Reminds me of the sound a lite saber makes. lol

Heart Chakra and Solar Plexus Warmth

I settled down to meditate because I knew sleep was unlikely. My thoughts drifted to the power of heart connections and mulling over how the world would be in the future. How would humans deal the intensity of heart connections? How are we suppose to handle them?

The answer eluded me, likely because I still have so many ingrained beliefs that need to be released. I thought about my own experience and how it has affected me. I cannot imagine a society where everyone feels such a connection. .

The entire time my thoughts were on this subject my heart chakra was lit up with a warm, inviting energy. My solar plexus soon joined the heart. All along my third-eye was blazing. Just feeling the wonderful heart warmth was a relief. I really thought I wouldn’t feel it again. I want it to stay forever.

 

 

by

Sleep Paralysis and ET Encounter

Yesterday’s energy was flat and ominous at times. I realized that the “ominous” feeling came on when I was too much in my mind and focusing outward. I tend to do this out of habit – probing my environment for clues of where the feeling originates. My guides reminded me to settle in my heart. When I did, the ominous feeling muted and there was calm.

This mini-lesson taught me just how much I tend to focus upon the future. Always looking ahead. There is nothing wrong with anticipating future events if you can avoid dwelling on them. That is my problem. I stay in the future instead of pulling myself back to present. This is especially true now when my guidance is quiet 99% of the time.

Prior to sleep, I requested once again to be allowed to remember what was going on while I slept. This was granted. Just to be on the safe side, I took B6 to make sure I remembered more of my dreams and hoping for an OBE.

Lucide Dream and Sleep Paralysis Episode

At bedtime it began to rain pretty hard. This lasted well into the night. I struggle to fall asleep when there is thunder and lightening, often drifting in the in-between for long periods between booms of thunder. This particular night was no exception but something odd occurred. Maybe it was B6 or the intention to remember, but I kept feeling a strange energy come over my body. With the feeling was an awareness of an on-going conversation with my Companion about the soul exchange. I kept interrupting myself saying to my Companion things like, “I am ready” and “I trust you”. With each statement the energy would envelop me, coming on strongly from the center of my back. At its peak, the energy encapsulated me completely and I felt like I was inside the center of a flower bud; “petals” of energy softly cradling me inside.

Usually my awareness would pull me out of these episodes with a start. There was a smidgen of fear every time. How frustrating that the fear is still there after so, so many similar energetic experiences!

Lucid Dream

At one point I entered into a semi-lucid dream. I was inside an unfamiliar house with my children. There was a storm and I could hear the rain pelting the roof. I tried to turn on the light, but the electricity must have been out because it would not turn on. In the dark I could see outlines of the kitchen. Everything had a glowing white aura.

There was a feeling of impending doom that made me nervous. As I headed out of the kitchen, I heard a loud, crackling followed by an electric buzzing. The buzzing got louder and I looked up because it seemed to be coming from above my head. That’s when I saw a tiny, neon-blue colored sphere about the size of a fist. It began to circle around my head. At that time, a hissing noise started to accompany the buzzing. It sounded similar to the release of an air brake but the sound would draw out with a long “hissssss”. I connected all of this to an E.T. encounter for some reason and thought for sure They had come to collect me.

The sounds were so audible, the visuals so vivid and my rising fear so palpable that I suddenly realized and thought, “This is NOT real!”

Sleep Paralysis

Instantly I was propelled into my sleeping body with quite a bit of force, but the sounds and visuals did not dissipate. Instead, they grew more intense and I had to remind myself that I had just been OOB and all was well and normal. My heart was pounding in my chest so hard, though, and there was a strange energy pushing into my back at heart level, that I struggled to calm down.

In my visual field the hypnagogia turned on and there was a message written over and over on millions of tiny, rectangles. The message was, “I love you”. When I recognized the message the rectangles turned into circles and began to rise in my visual field like bubbles. I remembered not to focus on them and tried to focus on my heart and breathing, but this was nearly impossible because my entire body felt wrong. My back felt like it was arching uncomfortably and the energy pouring into my heart center was chaotic and almost painful. It felt as if I was being torn apart. There was also a strange energy around my head that felt wrong.

And I was afraid. Not terrified. Afraid and getting it under control when there suddenly appeared in front of my vision, face-to-face with me, a woman….errr female. Her gender was very obvious for some reason but she did not look human. Her face would fade in and out but when I saw her she had slanted, black eyes that were parallel to each other and almost touched on the very top of her head.

She looked like an insect. A praying mantis.

I suddenly knew I was on board a craft and she was sitting across from me. My fear was gone. Completely. There was a sense that someone was to my left. My guide. I said to him, “I’m ready if you are.”

That’s when the energy sensations pulled me back to awareness of my body. My back still felt to be arching uncomfortably and I knew I was in sleep paralysis. Heart still pounding I got control of it all and was able to slowly come out of it.

.

 

by

To Become Whole, We Must First Be Separate

Warning – this post could upset some of you, especially those of you who have experienced sexual trauma.

“To become Whole, We must first Be Separate”.

This was what I was told this morning when I awoke in tears from a dream directed at helping me to heal a major wound which I have been carrying with me for many, many lives.

Dream

In the dream I was a counselor who was told about an incident where a young girl witnessed her father molesting her little brother. In the dream, I actually witnessed it as well. I took the girl to report it and listened to her statement.

Then I shifted into a hospital setting and was laying in a bed. Everything was white. In front of me was this machine that I knew was an electroshock therapy machine. It was connected to me. I kept shocking myself over and over again with it. For some reason the shock made me feel better and I would smile. I both experienced and witnessed this as it occurred.

Then a man came into the room. I recognized him as my partner. He was completely naked. He radiated unconditional love and sympathy as he crawled into my hospital bed and snuggled up to me. I felt completely numb and did not respond to him.

When I awoke, I was crying uncontrollably. It was not sobbing, but more silent, slow tears that wouldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried to stop them and my heart chakra was ablaze with a warm, comforting feeling. I heard from my Companion, “It’s not your fault.”

Healing a Deep Wound

The wound itself has been one of discussion in this blog before. It specifically comes from the past 3 lives prior to this one but is also a part of this lifetime.

The wound, simply put, is betrayal. More specifically, this betrayal is betrayal of love and trust. The love of a child for a parent. The love of a woman for her husband. The complete trust of a child that their parents will care for them, protect them, and nurture them because they are too small and too innocent to do so themselves. The complete trust of a wife in her husband and expectation that he will protect her and bear what she cannot.

With all this betrayal of love and trust also comes a feeling of complete abandonment by God.

There is also a complete disgust for mankind and the male gender in general.

To recap:

  • Most recent past life: I was murdered by my father at the age of 6. I am not sure why but Remembered this morning that my mother, who I thought innocent, was an accomplice. Betrayal by parents.
  • Life before that: I married a man who was abusive and raped me. Betrayal by husband.
  • Life before that: As a child I was molested by my own father after my mother’s death. Later in that life I was murdered by my own husband who also murdered our infant son and then killed himself. Betrayal by father. Betrayal by husband.

This Lifetime

Memories from this life also surfaced. When I was little, around 7 years old, I walked past our bathroom and saw our neighbor using the restroom in front of my little sister. He was asking her, “Do you want to touch it.” Horrified, I took my sister’s hand and told her, “No.” The moment will forever be ingrained in my memory.

I told my mom but I had no idea what, if anything, she did about. The neighbors eventually moved to Mexico, though.

Fast forward to 2003. On a road trip back from California, I fell asleep in the back seat only to awaken to the sound of my mom and older sister having a serious conversation. In it, I overheard that my sister had been molested by the neighbor when she was 10-11 years old. This was the same neighbor who I had seen trying to get my younger sister to touch him. I interrupted their conversation because I was totally shocked. My sister said, “I thought you knew about it. He did it to you, too.” I had no idea what she was talking about.

She went on to tell of what exactly he did and how he use to touch all three of us when swimming in our pool. My sister has struggled with healing from her experiences her whole life.

I still have no memory of any of it.

In recalling all of this, I wondered if maybe I buried memories from this life to save myself from what my sister is still struggling to heal. I honestly don’t think that he did to me what he did to her, but I have feelings that do not make sense from that time in my life. I also have huge gaps in my memory from that time in my life.

Connecting the Dots

Beliefs and feelings were obvious to me. It was like a flood of information, as if all the weeks of deep sleep and healing were finally revealed.

Love is painful. Men are not to be trusted. It was my fault, so I should be punished.

There are other false beliefs but these are the main ones. The last, especially, is troublesome because it is the last belief that continues the cycle.

My guidance has long told me, “You are special”. It was repeated this morning. This time, however, I understood why. This phrase was often spoken to me when I was molested by my father in the first life in this cycle. Everything that happened after was associated with that phrase. That is why I always retract from it and experience fear when I hear it. I always think, “I am NOT special.” I don’t want to be special because to be special means accepting what happened to me and what I was – which was “bad”. In that lifetime I felt I was being punished – by my father and by God – but I had no idea what I had done wrong.

It was reiterated that none of it was my fault and that I need not be punished any longer. The emotions from that and the other lifetime resurfaced. Emotions of confusion of a child who loved his/her parents unconditionally only to suffer at their hands. Despite all of their mistreatment of me, I still loved them. I love them so much that I assumed it was not their fault but my own.

I was reminded that I reject love from others; I do not allow myself to be loved fully. Love is fully trusting in another. It is placing all of yourself in their hands. I refuse to do that. If I cannot do that, I cannot become Whole.

This wound is the last big hurdle I face in the path to Wholeness. I asked why I had not just healed it on the Other Side between lives. It was explained that when we are Home we are separated from much of the experience of the pain, so we cannot fully heal our wounds unless we are in the physical where they originated. When I return to the physical the pattern continues – I feel I should be punished and so I am. And it was never my fault to begin with.