Category Archives: Dreams

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The Troubles

The Troubles by U2

You think it’s easier
To give up on the trouble
If the trouble is destroying you
You think it’s easier
But before you threw me a rope
It was the one thing I could hold on to

This song has been a theme-song for me the past 24-36 hours. I am not exactly sure what it means but it has been in my head two mornings in a row upon waking.

I am in the midst of another purge I think. It is not a huge one, at least not as big as some of the ones from the past. My energy, physically, emotionally and mentally, is low. I feel like it is being siphoned off throughout the day and by the end I have nothing left.

I feel once again DONE with life. I am fed up with this place and all the negative, heaviness that pervades it. So I have been asking to finish up and get out of here. I have been bargaining again with my guides. “Please just let me come Home now. I don’t care if I have to come back another lifetime to finish what I didn’t finish in this life. I just don’t want to do this anymore”. All I receive in response are Spirit hugs.

What bothers me the most is that I don’t have motivation at all. Usually when I am feeling like this I can find something to hold onto, some kind of hope that things will improve; some kind of change I can make that brings back that missing spark. There is nothing there. When I look into the future, to the “what if’s” I see only dead ends, paths I have been on before and don’t want to return to.

Dream: Finished

My sleep was fitful for the first half of the night. I didn’t feel I was resting and I don’t remember my dreams. This morning I recall only the end of one dream.

I was in a city walking towards a destination with a friend. The streets were paved with cobblestone. We parked (not sure where the car came from) and went inside. The teacher was an older gentleman and I felt we had been to his class before. I remember that I wanted to go hear him speak because it was a rare event, but I can’t recall what he was speaking about.

We were laying down to listen and I remember only pieces of this part. I saw candles lit and knew I was laying near a man. At one point I knew the covers had come off me, exposing my bare backside. I didn’t care but I knew the man was trying not to look and this amused me.

When class ended I somehow was the last to leave. It was like it had ended way earlier and I had been asleep or distracted so missed the dismissal. I went outside to find my friend and her car was gone. She later returned in it saying she had gone to get some pizza. She seemed to want to celebrate something but I didn’t feel like celebrating and didn’t want any pizza.

As I awoke I remember talking to someone. I was bargaining with them, saying I was done and wanted to leave this life early. As I grew more conscious I saw a piece of paper in front of me. It was divided into four parts and I knew these were elements corresponding to regions of the Earth and duties of those in these areas. I rejected this Plan and pushed the vision out of my mind. Then I saw a large word as if stamped on a paper in my mind. It said, “Finished”. It was in red ink.

Remembering

I can’t seem to shake this feeling that I don’t belong here and that I never have belonged. Right now this feeling is very strong. The more I Remember who I am, the stronger it gets.

I have been having flashbacks of this life, as if I am reviewing it again. My dreams are of my past again and of people who I feel I have wronged, though it is becoming clearer to me that it was part of the plan and my “wrongs” were purposeful for some reason.

I am also flashing back to my youth, to times when I had conversations with my guide without knowing that was what I was doing. One of my earliest memories of this is of me sitting on the ground because my stomach was hurting really bad. The silent voice told me to be still and it would pass. So I did and it went away shortly after. I don’t know how old I was (7?), but the memory is so vivid and I see myself as if outside of myself, sitting on the side of the concrete drive. My hair was short and I was so small but so very strong (and pig headed!).

There is another flashback to my teen years when the first longings for Home became unbearable. I remember conversing with someone. Back then I just thought I was just talking to myself. I was told how long it would be before I would meet “the One”. I saw 30 in my mind and it seemed so very far away, so far away I couldn’t bear it. So I prayed for someone to be sent to me, someone for the interim, so I wouldn’t have to be alone. He was sent when I was 17 and upon meeting him I knew I had a choice and I made it despite knowing he was not “the One”. I thought it would be better, but turns out I felt more alone than ever during that time.

Next Step?

Out of the blue yesterday, while feeling so very down and out, I understood that I would have to eventually go back to work. This saddened me because I do not feel the desire to return to the workplace. I feel unfulfilled there (there being in the education system) and want to do something different, but what that is I am not sure.

I saw a pattern in my life. A pattern concerning my career path. It felt like I was sent some place for a certain amount of time and then, when I was “done”, would be sent to another place. And so on and so forth. If I stayed too long at a place, a place where I was done, events would eventually push me to leave. The longer I stayed, the more difficult it would be to stay to the point that it would begin to start physically affecting me. This is clear to me now, but I feel the resistance inside me. A part of me wants to stay in one place, to be happy in that place. Yet I feel I am not programmed that way. I will always feel the need to move on. What is hardest about moving around so much is that I don’t know why I am at the places I am. It just seems like I am wasting time.

So I grieved in knowing that I would have to return to work, most likely back to counseling. It will just fall in my lap again. That is always how it works. I feel I want/need to work again and then presto it appears as if a gift in a little package.

I don’t like that I feel pushed this way and that in life, as if a string is tied to me that leads me where I am suppose to go. I feel like a puppet.

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Group Karma and a Kundalini Surge

Last night was an intense one. I woke several times from a dream that just kept going. The dream isn’t what is important, though, as it was just symbolic of what was transpiring through the night. What is important is what I brought back from it.

Group Karma

The first time I awoke from the dream I was confused and it took me a while to realize I had been dreaming. In the dream I was convinced that my life had turned out differently. In that life I had made choices in my childhood; acted on impulses that resulted in me murdering another child and then covering it up. My siblings were in on it, specifically my older sister who then  committed a similar crime when she was much older.

Once I realized it was only a dream I knew that I was discussing group karma. I knew that my siblings and I had done something in previous lives that we were “fixing” and we were doing it together.

I fell back to sleep and dreamed of a trial. We had been caught and we were being sentenced. I got only 7 years as my sentence but my sister got much longer. She had known what she was doing; had intentionally done it and planned to do it. Me, on the other hand, had acted impulsively without consideration for the consequences. I remember feeling sad for my sister because she would have to do more time than me.

I woke again understanding that my time was meant to be served in conjunction with hers, which is why we incarnated as siblings in this life. The specifics of it are not known but the feeling I had confirmed I was right.

When I fell back to sleep, the dream continued but this time the person I was doing time with was my husband. When I awoke from this part of the dream I recognized our contract/agreement was meant to balance karmic debt. It felt like he was my sibling in a previous life. What is interesting is that it felt like the previous life was one not on Earth or if it was on Earth it was hundreds of thousands of years ago.

Metallic Box

While in the in-between sometime after the first waking, I witnessed a small metallic box floating in from of me. It appeared to have a white, cotton-like substance bursting from it and looked almost like a sandwich with metallic layers. I saw strange symbols and writing on it. I remember saying a name that sound like Metroika but I don’t believe this is correct. I know for sure I saw a capital “M” very pronounce in the center of the silver box and there was also a “T” in the middle of the name. As my awareness peaked I saw the cotton substance form into angel wings on either side of the box and knew the message was from a Being that would have been labeled as an angel or archangel. Metatron was the name that came to mind.

Kundalini Surge

In the early morning hours I experienced an odd Kundalini surge. In a dream I met with a man who I remember was the owner of a restaurant. He had given free meals to two of my friends but had not given me one. I was irritate by this and questioned him about it. He then took me with him on a walk and I remember knowing he was 40 years old. I was pleased that I was younger than him. I recall feeling that the years of life from 40 to 50 were significant for me but I did not know why.

At some point this man and I kissed but it was not normal. It was like we merged into each other. Where we touched felt huge, like a bubble of energy forming. My mouth felt very strange, like I was blowing a bubble that expanded to include all of my head except for the crown. My root and second chakra also had this bubble-like energy and I could feel them blowing up with energy. My crown chakra oscillated with energy but mostly it felt to be shooting energy straight up.

I could feel this man physically and when I touched him the energy increased. I know that I wanted the energy to move and was demanding it to do so, but this must not have been the right time because the more I willed the energy to rise, the more it went out rather than up.

When I finally came to full awareness my lower body felt warm and tingly and HUGE. I felt the energy of the man who was in my dream. It came from above me to my left and felt huge as well. I could feel the residual energy still lingering and my crown was still active.

Message

Prior to heading to bed I suddenly received communication from a guide/Being whom I had not met before. His energy was big but not imposing. He said to me, “You are not alone”. I responded with, “I know”, but I received back from him that the meaning of this particular message was that I was going to be contacted by others whom I do not normally communicate with.

I accepted the message and went on with my day but right before bed I was again met with the energy and the message repeated. This time I saw in my mind a visual of me recording myself channeling information. I don’t recall the message word-for-word now but I was being asked to channel information from these Beings.

I also remembered suddenly my encounter in 1989. I remember very little from that night but what I do remember was seeing a UFO up close and personal. I wondered about why it was that only I saw it? I wondered what happened during the time my memory is unclear? I heard then, “We chose you because you can see”. I asked then to remember whatever was lost, if it was significant. I have yet to remember but I hope I do.

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Lucid to OBE: Where’s My Head?

I took 100mg of B6 last night before bed just to see if it would do anything since last time I had a lucid dream that turned into several OBEs. Well, it worked! Unfortunately, I don’t recall everything as there are some blank spots in between very vivid OBEs. When I woke up my guide informed me that I was OOB for 75 minutes and that I had 6 OBEs. I didn’t ask but I had wondered briefly how long I had been asleep.

All it took for me to go OOB was to request it. I love my Team!

Lucid to OBE: Where’s My Head?

Prior to this experience I had a lucid dream that turned into an OBE but I have forgotten it now. I recall only that the environment I was in was very shifty and dark and that I felt the vibrations of exit and re-entry.

I became very lucid after exiting my body. I found myself in my bedroom but it was not in this reality. I got out of bed and looked around. I saw a light coming from the hallway. Briefly I recall seeing a gray cat and my son, but can’t recall what I did with them. I believe I kicked the cat away from me as it purred and rubbed up against my leg.

I went toward the light and saw that it came from a bathroom. The door was closed so I pushed it open and went inside. It was a muted brightness when I went in. I recall thinking, “It will be too bright” so I think I muted it, worried it would hurt my eyes.

There was a bathtub in front of me with toilet next to it and a long vanity mirror next to that, both to my left. I felt the light was not too much and so allowed the room to fully illuminate. I saw sparkles in the golden air that moved and glittered. It was like the light was alive!

I noticed I was standing right in front of the mirror so I turned to take a look at myself. I was giddy for some reason, just very happy and in high spirits. I remember speaking aloud saying, “Oh, there I am! Hi!” I looked at my lower body and saw that it was shifty like the rest of the space I was in. I stabilized it but saw the mirror was not smooth but warped a bit.

I decided to look at my face but was surprised to find I had no head! I said, “Oh! I don’t have a head!” This made me laugh for some reason. Not concerned, I simply thought my head back and there it appeared in the mirror. I said aloud, “That’s better!” The image of the woman in the mirror did not, however, look like I do now. She was similar but not exactly right. I didn’t really care and accepted the image as me without question, yet a part of me retained the image wondering who exactly I was seeing.

OBE: Christmas Room

Yet again I had an OBE that I do not recall completely that led to this one. In this one I was walking down a hallway in the house attached to the bedroom of the other one (all my OBEs were in this house). There was again the shifty, darkness until I got to a room. When I went into the room it was fully illuminated.

Inside I was pleased to discover a large living area completely decked out in Christmas decorations. There were ribbons and wreaths, trees and ornaments. It was dazzling and beautiful! I saw the room was quite large, too, and walked the length of it. I do recall seeing at one end a man watching me but I looked the other way and said, “This is like how I would decorate for Christmas if I could afford it!” I thought for sure I had entered into some very rich person’s house.

There was interaction here with the man who I saw but it gets hazy. I remember seeing him and talking with him for some time. He was with a shorter, dark haired woman who I seemed to like a lot. The man was taller than me, had sandy-blonde hair and seemed older, maybe mid-40s. He had blue eyes that seemed to sparkle.

At one point in the middle of our conversation I stopped and said to him, “How do I know you? What is your name?” I don’t remember now if he gave me a name but he told me, “I was there when you went to the dentist, remember? I have silver teeth”. He showed me his teeth and I was like, “Oh yeah. I remember”, but I didn’t remember.

I hugged him and felt a familiar energy from him. I said to him, “I’m sorry. I’m married” and pulled away.

I wandered around for a bit, looking at things and saw that there was nothing personal in this Christmas room. I said aloud, “This can’t be real. There is nothing personal here” as I fiddled with a nondescript, silver toy car.

OBE: Room 340

There was a shift back into my body then and then I went back out. This time I was in an office environment. The dark haired woman was there as was the blonde man. I told the blonde man that I wanted to be with the dark haired woman. Then I propositioned her, “Do you want to?” She said, “Sure!” Surprised, I followed her.

We walked around inside this office looking for a private space. I stopped an asked someone, “Is there an open office we could use?” She said, “No they are all full”. The dark haired woman said, “Is there maybe an open internet room?” The woman said, “Yes but hurry. Room 340“. She pointed to the right.

We went to the room but the walls were all only half walls. I was concerned about privacy and one wall fell down completely.

Then I lost lucidity for a while and found myself back in the bedroom. I remember thinking I should find my husband but deciding I did not want to bother waking up to do so. I chose to return to the OBE instead but the woman was gone. I remember being in our bed and my middle son being there asleep next to my husband. I also recall I was holding a bowl of cereal (lol) and that I gave it to my son.

I remember seeing another cat then and being irritated by it. I went out the window and felt the brisk night air but felt it was not allowed. I do remember seeing a very bright, white light amid the stars and thinking it was the moon. My memory says it was not the moon, though. I honestly don’t know what it was.

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Aldyn: Old Friend

I finally got good sleep last night but still awoke at 5am, much earlier than I would like.

Dream: Meeting an Old Friend

The dream I awoke from was of me reuniting with an old friend. In the dream I had been in a game show that resembled the Price is Right. In it, I saw Alex Trebek as two people. The first was connected to a very long, fat, golden snake that appeared to be filled with air like one of those lawn displays that fills up giant Santa Claus’ to make them appear larger than life. I don’t recall much about this part of the dream except the snake and knowing that the person who at once appeared like Alex and then a woman was a twin of this snake.

I then moved into a dark room that felt to be inside a house. I know I was in the astral at this time but I did not awaken while there. A man came in who was very tall and had dark hair. I don’t remember his face or features but I knew him and we talked. He had just returned from a journey and we were discussing his taking of a wife. I said to him with surprise, “You were married again?” He said, “Yes” and there was an a communication that passed between us that this marriage had been short lasting only a year, like the many others he had. I also knew he had fallen in love quickly and deeply each time he was married but then when actually married each relationship fell apart. I knew that the reason for this was that his expectations of his spouse were too high and unyielding. She could not be what he wanted and so every time the relationship would break and end in a loss for him.

I hugged him, my head barely resting upon his broad chest. I said to him as I looked up at him, “I forgot how tall you were”. He appeared to be at least 7 feet tall and I felt dwarfed in his presence.

We sat down together on a sofa and I lay my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me. I noticed that I wanted to be close to him, a feeling I do not have in my current lifetime with my current husband. The difference was striking but I accepted it. I felt at ease with him and happy to just be in his arms.

Then I became nervous. My husband came into the room and I did not want him to see me there with my friend. I covered myself in blankets to hide. They were removed and I was laying there alone, my friend nowhere to be seen.

Aldyn

I awoke then, still feeling the confusion of waking without my friend there. I heard then, “What if I made you a man? What would you do?”

This question confused me and the dream came back to me.

Then I heard very distinctly, “Aldyn” and I knew he lived 400,000 years ago. I wondered if man even had civilizations that far back and if he did which ones were around? I then wondered if in fact this man, this Aldyn, was me and felt it may be and that it was him/me that lived so long ago.

Interestingly, the name Aldyn is Old English for “old friend”.

I then thought of the question I was asked. I responded, “I would play with it (meaning the penis)” and laughed. I communicated that it would be the first thing I did because I had always wondered what it would be like. But then I felt I needed to be serious got and said, “I would focus on how the body felt and note the differences”. Then I remembered what being a man was like and knew the thought processes were very different from that of a woman. It felt different and it is hard to describe the difference as it is subtle. It has to do with the connections made in the brain and how the thoughts are processed and what areas they originate from.

Then we had a discussion about why I chose to be female this life and the struggles that come with choosing to be female. I saw the challenge of the imbalance that existed between the masculine and feminine; how women had lost their power. I saw the lessons in motherhood and I cringed. The patience needed, the compassion and understanding, the need to tune into one’s emotions and intuition – all these things I need to enhance within my own whole Self because for far too long it has been the masculine which I doted upon.

This is what I awoke to this morning. So much of me resists the lessons I am here to learn. I see now why my guide calls me ambivalent.

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Re-Ah Ira-Ir

I awoke this morning way too early. It was 4am and I was/am sick. Hacking cough and congestion didn’t interfere with me going in-between or with the strong, loving waves of energy that entered through the center of my back and expanded throughout my body.

Pyramid Meditation Change

I have continued doing the pyramid meditation. However, the last few times I have done it, the pyramid has been pointing tip down directly at my solar plexus. This morning when I did it the pyramid went through me and stopped mid-way. Then another pyramid, this one pointing up, settled over me in the same way, centered. I was in the middle of two pyramids!

I did not understand why this was occurring and got not explanation other than it was time for this type of energy conversion. I felt into the in-between before I could get much more information.

Re-Ah Ira-Ir (Ray-Aww Ear-ra-Ear)

While in the in-between I was speaking either in a different language or a code of some sort. I kept repeating Re-Ah-Ira-Ah. I repeated it so much that it woke me up. I continued to say it, feeling the syllables as I thought them and wondering what they were all about. I finally felt I should get up and write them down.

I fell back into a dream then. In the dream I was a teacher in an unfamiliar place. All I recall now is that someone had asked me about vibrations. A student was asking how to get a girl to notice his vibration. He was going to try and influence her. I explained this could not be accomplished. He did not listen.

While he was gone, another very young student, eagerly yelled to me, “She said she liked my vibration! She told me!” I congratulated him. I remember seeing energy or vibrations at this time. It was like everyone had a specific one and some of them attracted one another.

I then went into an area where young children were being taught an activity that invovled music. I remember seeing them dancing in a circle holding hands. I also remember being close to lucidity but resisting because I was tired.

It was then I began to be taught about this language or code I had been speaking earlier. I was shown how to pronounce it and I remember speaking it very carefully and being shown the correct lettering. I also heard the word Essessani and this woke me up.

I saw my guide then and he appeared human but with minor differences. I resisted this and discussion commenced about the message I had received about preparation and what the codes meant. I knew that it was a transmission of some sort but that is all I remember now.

It was then I was told that the conflicts and changes that will occur on Earth are occurring on other planets. I was shown refugees from a planet already in the midst of a cataclysm. It appeared that they were traveling to Earth to join us. They looked human. I was told there was more than just our system being affected by these changes. It is a renewal process this entire “sector” is going through.

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Lucid to OBE: Sometimes You Want Cereal

After noting a friend’s success at using B-Complex to induce a lucid dream, I decided to try taking it right before bed.

I use to take B-Complex every night before bed but it began to interrupt my sleep, so I stopped. No surprise, it interrupted my sleep! I woke every 2 hours, each time looking at the clock and swearing I had slept an entire night. Upon my last waking at 4am I pleaded with my guides. “Please let me at least get something out of this. At least a lucid dream?”

Wish granted.

Becoming Lucid: Old Flame in my Bed!

I became aware of a man in my bed. I turned and saw it was an ex-boyfriend!

Brief Explanation – This relationship had been like no other. There was an awesome chemistry – a chemistry that turned me into some kind of sex-crazed idiot (not joking!). in 2003 I had asked my guide to send him. I wanted to experience such a chemistry. Did I ever get it! I also experienced for the first and only time in my life the worse jealousy ever! I wish it on no one!

Dream

Noting who was in my bed, I slid out and looked at him. He looked as I remembered and I remembered A LOT! I did not touch him. Instead I was conversing with my guide. I knew a part of me was observing and that this was a rendering of my subconscious. I remember saying, “I wish I felt like that again!”

A woman I did not know came into the room and began to play with his male part. I got furious and yelled at her saying, “This is the only time I get to see him! You get him all the time! Get out!”. She left.

I then conversed some more with my guide who I didn’t see but knew was there. I remember wearing a belt and taking it and all my clothes off. I talked as I went outside the bedroom, which was my old room at my Mom’s house. There was a staircase going up. I walked up it but it suddenly collapsed upon itself and I slid down to the bottom. There was another staircase coming down and it was chained off – unsafe. I remember hearing from my guide that I could not go up until it was repaired. Looking back on it, I understand. It would have led me to higher levels and I was not yet ready to go there.

I went into my Mom’s bathroom and noted it was misshapen. The room stretched and moved with me in it. I felt like I was tripping! The golden color of the bathroom and the misplacement of the furniture began to bring on lucidity. I began looking for a ponytail holder and the drawers were too clean and organized. Then I knew: I was dreaming!

OBE: Can’t Breathe!

Feeling my body, I exited quickly and found myself in a dark, enclosed space. I suddenly felt I could not breathe and noticed that I was enclosed inside a fabric bag of some sort. I could see a tiny, pinprick of white light through a corner of it – a buttonhole! The claustrophobia was so real! I squelched the panic and told myself it was my fear doing this. I did not want this experience!

OBE: Sometimes You Want Cereal

Immediately the room disappeared and I was in my body feeling vibrations. I exited in one fluid motion and found myself in a dark room full of shadows. To my left there was a golden light and as I looked I saw it was coming from an entire wall of windows. They were shuttered but still the light shown through. I knew I needed to go out there!

I pushed through one of the shuttered windows and went outside. I found myself in my mother’s front yard looking out on many cars parked along the road. I remember thinking, “It’s not bright enough out here!” It was twilight, so there was light but it was muted.

As if to continue the lucid dream, I thought, “There’s a party. That makes sense. He liked parties”. I began to search for his vehicle. I saw an old, white 1970 Ford pickup. Inside was sitting a middle-aged man with a salt-and-pepper beard. I knew him!

I went up to the pickup and felt my middle son lagging behind me. When I saw the man he got out of the truck. He was beautiful despite being “older”. He reminded me of someone but I could not place him.

I asked him and my son, “Do you want to fly?” I reached out and grabbed both their hand’s. As we lifted up, I turned to the man and hugged him tightly. Then I thought, “What’s his name?” I heard an answer in my mind, “Robert”. I had asked my question aloud – “What’s your name?” – when I thought it and the man responded, “Robert” right after I heard it in my mind.

Happy that I had met Robert (my guide), we soared up into the sky. As I felt us rise, my vision blacked out but I was talking to Robert. I wondered, “Why was I dreaming about my ex? Why don’t I want to be with my husband?”

I then saw in my mind an image of a bowl of oatmeal. I stirred it with a spoon but did not want to eat it. Robert said to me, “Sometimes, when all you’ve had is oatmeal, you want cereal”. LOL (Still laughing about this comment).

OBE: It’s Your Birthday!

I felt the subtle vibrations of my body and willed myself back. This time I found myself standing in front of the hallway bathroom looking at my ex. The door was open and he didn’t have a shirt on. I walked up to him and realized I was holding a bowl of cereal (ha!). He turned and his face was covered in white powder. I handed him the bowl of cereal and he took it.

Then we went into the kitchen. There was a Simpson’s toy contraption on the table and I found out he had gotten it for me. I kept watching him and thinking that he had come to see me after all these years. I wished he would stay but felt nothing for him – no love, no desire, nothing. It is foggy now but I recall recognizing his selfishness and that I didn’t like that about him.

Then my Mom presented me with a sequined, silver and black, sleeveless jacket. I oo’d and aw’ed when I saw it and I heard my ex say, “Isn’t that kind of cheap?” I remember then that he would never allow me to appear “slutty”. He was very worried about appearances yet he wanted a slut as his girlfriend. I was not like that and never would have been happy with him. He would have sought to control me in every way.

My Mom mentioned it was my birthday and this confused me. “It’s not my birthday”, I said. She said, “Isn’t it?” I recall being a bit confused here and trying to decide which birthday was my birthday. She asked me, “When is your birthday? I forgot”. I said, “July 3rd” but I knew in “reality” my birthday was a whole month later.

It was then suggested that we go fishing. Me, my ex, and my two oldest children flew out the back window to a large lake. We landed on its banks and I saw the white bones of some kind of animal. It had died there. I saw also that I could see right to the bottom of the dark waters. I cautioned all of them, “Be still, the fish will see you!”

As my ex fished, my children began to ride their bikes over the water. I thought, “He’s never going to catch anything if the lake is that shallow”.

Considerations

This experience was interesting. It was like I was watching my dream as the observer. The lucid dream was interesting. The bathroom warping like that was the coolest! I felt like I was looking into one of those carnival mirrors but actually IN it!

The realizations I had were included in the account. I was contemplating an issue I have been having – feeling more like my husband’s friend than his lover. I actually am happy the way it is – it is comfortable. Yet in the dream I am exploring another part of me, one that wants more and wants to create that in my life. I looked back on an old relationship and recognized it was not what I wanted – how it could have been. I even think that I returned to an alternate life, one in which I made different choices.

The last part about the lake is the perfect description of my relationship with my ex. It is dead. He was too shallow for me.

I also can’t stop laughing about Robert’s comment! I also won’t forget his face. So handsome and familiar.

I want to add that meeting up with him allowed me to compare how Robert feels to how E’Fonin feels. They are VERY different. Robert communicates to me from the right. His communication is subtle and comfortable. E’Fonin communicates from all around – it is as if he surrounds me completely. And he feels HUGE and magnificent, like I am being visited by God or an Angel. His presence seems announced in such a way that I am instantly attentive. He cannot be ignored as easily as Robert. And the energy that comes with E’Fonin is beautiful. I want to melt into my bed. They are SO different!

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Dream: Bruised Throat

When I went to bed last night I was exhausted so it is no wonder I fell asleep during my nightly meditation. However, I awoke suddenly at 10:30pm. When I looked at the clock I thought, “That’s wrong. The kids must have messed with it”. I got up out of bed and checked the hallway clock. It said it was 10:32.

Confused, I lay back down wondering why I felt I had been asleep for hours and hours. It was then I had a memory – one of those memories like I’ve been having where I will suddenly have complete Knowing about what I am remembering only to have it disappear as soon as I remember it.

The memory was of yet another piece of me returning from somewhere else. It was quick and had actually woken me up prior to 10:30 but I forgot it so quickly that I fell back to sleep. I did, however, make a note of it to remember later – and I did!

Now there are only fragments of the memory but I had remembered an entire journey – a journey this other piece of me had made. The strongest part of this memory is the recognition of the other piece of me and the accepting of it back into the whole. It felt like this other part of me had been out and about running “errands”, what those are I have no clue.

Dream: Bruised Throat

This dream became very lucid towards the end. In it I was working at a school in the role of counselor. I had been talking to a co-worker from the job I just left as we stood in the cafeteria. A group of young boys was referred to me and I talked to them as a group. However, I noticed one boy was very guarded and so asked him to stay and dismissed the other two.

I asked him, “Do you know what a school counselor does?” He shook his head, “No”.

I then told him, “You have nothing to be frightened of. I won’t tell your parents – your mom, dad, grandparents or anyone – what you tell me unless you are going to harm yourself of another. You are safe with me”.

This relaxed him quite a bit and we talked for a while. Then he left and I talked to the teacher, telling her how when I work with students one-on-one I don’t plan like I do when I teach a class. She then noticed something and asked me, “What happened?” She pointed to my neck. I became very self-conscious and said, “Nothing. Nothing happened. Why?” She said, “It looks like you were hurt, that’s all”.

I then went to look for a bathroom to check my neck. I walked down a hallway and saw open doors leading into suites. Was I in a hotel? All the rooms were occupied and were all on the left side. However, on the right side was one room where no one stayed. I walked in as a man was walking out. I asked him, “Does no one stay here?” He said, “No”, and left.

I went into the bathroom intending to use it but the toilet was full of urine and there was wet toilet paper on the seat. I saw it and thought I would just clean it before I used it. But then I turned and inspected my neck in the mirror. Sure enough, there were bruises on either side of my windpipe. It looked like I had been choked.

Dream: College

This is when the dream turns more lucid. I was walking and walking and then stopped in a covered outside area. I lay down on the cement floor and looked up. I could see the stars. As I lay there I began thinking of the college I use to attend. In my mind I was seeing the logo of UNT (University of North Texas). I did not attend that college and this confused me, though I did not remember this in the dream. I kept rearranging the letters – UTN was the most common.

I then thought of a girl I went to high school with and remembered that she attended this college (in reality she did not nor did I). I knew I had come in my sophomore year but she had been there all four years. I remembered meeting her and she was so happy (or appeared to be).

I then got very upset and yelled out to someone, “I hate her! I hate her!”. I was thinking how she is making tons of money and progressing faster than me. It wasn’t fair to me because she was not deserving.

I awoke very upset and thinking of my business (which is not doing as well as I hoped). I kept thinking of this girl and how she as likely making tons of money and still thriving in this material world.

She had everything I had wanted in high school. I wanted to be popular like her but I could not handle being “fake” and I just did not do well with large groups of friends. Yet I had wanted what she had. It was so conflicting and this conflict returned fully in my memory.

I cursed the part of me that pushed away the very thing that I wanted (or thought I did). It was like this part of me was trying to protect me from the pitfalls of popularity. Like I was trying to experience what it is like to be alone and the opposite of popular. It causes great conflict and upset in me.

Instant Comfort and Lessons Realized

I felt no guide, no help, and it upset me more. Then, suddenly after probably 30 minutes of upset, there suddenly washed over me a calm. It came from my mind and caught my attention instantly. My thoughts stopped and the upset vanished. I then heard, “It is through failure that we learn the most”. I then felt the familiar warm energy begin to wash over me, but it was only in my limbs and head.

My concerns about my business had been the last thoughts I had and this was the message I received. There also was a recognition that my real job here had nothing to do with the “other lessons”. These were karmic debt being paid. There was an understanding that my struggle with feeling accepted – this inner conflict I have lived with – is to learn the lesson of humility and to avoid the very things that a part of me wants so badly. The desire to be “popular”, to have the “power” that someone in that position has is a karmic repayment. Yuck. Somewhere alone the way I had misused this “power”.

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Dream: Close Encounter

I had a very active night of dreams last night. One very long one I will recount because it relates to a message I received upon waking.

Dream: Close Encounter

This dream has many layers, so I will break it into its pieces so that it flows better.

Exams

I was standing inside a large auditorium. It was dark except for where I was focused. Instructions were being given by someone. I followed them.

I tapped the air in front of me and a holographic screen appeared. I was to put in a code in a certain sequence. I remember inputting the code into boxes. I wrote the numbers with my fingers on the screen. I remember the sequence was something like: 12479172179. I remember mostly knowing I had it out of sequence and being told by someone to put the one before the seven. I vividly saw the numbers as I squished the 1 before the 7 (the code above is the correct sequence).

The code was of the utmost importance. It was to reveal information that I needed to have to pass the exam. I copied and pasted the code I had just put in by putting the palm of my hand toward the screen and then closing it in a fist. Then I took it to another area to my right. I pushed my hand toward the empty air and a screen appeared. It was as if I flung the number sequence into the screen. When I did this, the screen accepted the code and pages of information appeared. I remember reading it closely. It was formatted like a website, with boxes of information. I recall two distinct boxes. They took up the entire main part of the screen. One box was a rose color and the other was white. The rose color was on the left. I also recall that the rest of the boxes were gold in color.

Wedding Gifts

Then I was inside a building. I think it was a school because that it how it felt and appeared. I walked down a long hallway toward a room and entered. I met up with a man there and remember that we discussed blindness. I have a faint recognition here that I was blind or had some kind of disability, though I do not recall that specifically.

People began to approach me talking about wedding gifts. I remember feeling irritated and rejecting the idea of marriage. I had a memory from this lifetime that I think got confused with the dream. In that memory I relived a conflict with myself that I had when I was suppose to marry a friend. I could not resolve the conflict in life, and was reminded of that. That conflict was between the spiritual side of myself and the side focused on mundane, “normal” life.

Board

I turned around and the classroom vanished. In front of me were sitting several individuals. They were at a rectangular table. On one end of the table was a cornucopia of fruits and vegetable. Then I noticed that two of the individuals were eating vegetables. The one I noticed first, a man, was eating a red bell pepper. The other one was eating a raw zucchini squash.

I said to them, “It will be so great to have a garden again! We will have more zucchini’s than you can eat. This time I won’t be the only one tending it!”. I was truly excited, too.

inverted rectangular pyramid

Drawing of the UFO viewed from underneath. It was very long. Imagine this shape as completely silver in color without any seams or indications of openings. Very smooth and shiny, like a bar of silver.

Close Encounter

Then I was standing beside a very large wheat field. The wheat was long dried up and dead. It spread out for as far as I could see. I walked and talked at the same time, discussing how the field would be plowed and the dead wheat replaced with fresh, new seedlings. I was very excited at the idea.

In my giddiness, I looked up into the sky. To my surprise, I saw a very, very large space craft gliding silently across the sky. What is odd is it did not leave a shadow!

The craft had to be miles long and it was rectangular in shape. The bottom of it came down in a triangular shape that was cut off, kind of like a pyramid without a tip. It was silver in color and reminded me of a silver bar. It had no windows or openings that I could see.

I yelled out, “Do you see it? Do you see it? Someone get their phone!”

A person came out with a cell phone to take a picture of the craft while I continued to stare at it in awe. I had a strange feeling in my throat – the feeling of fear rising up and getting stuck there. It was like I had a knot in my throat. Yet I do not remember feeling scared, more like surprised and wondering what would happen next. The fear was the fear of the unknown, or perhaps the knowing but not wanting to know.

As the craft moved along, I saw what looked like colorful bubbles floating alongside it. Upon closer inspection I recognized them to be blimps and hot air balloons. I remember wondering why they would be following this craft. Was this our government’s way of getting close without being detected? Or were they just curious individuals getting a closer look?

The last part of the dream was that the person taking the video and pictures of the craft had their phone confiscated by the government. They put the contents into a news release along with other “phony” UFO sightings. I remember that the only footage they released of the craft appeared more like a shadow than the real thing.

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Pyramid Meditation and Experience

As predicted in a message I received over a week ago, the 20th brought about yet another strange energy experience.

Pyramid Meditation

I have been reading Dolores Cannon’s Convoluted Universe Book 1 and am nearing the end of it. In one of the chapters there is discussion about how to balance chakras using a pyramid to help funnel the energy into the solar plexus which then balances out one’s whole energy system. This was in conjunction with information on how to manifest in the physical.

Since I had just read about it, I decided to try it as I did my nightly meditation.

The directions are simple:

Relax in your normal meditative position (mine is laying down with head propped on pillow).

Focus on your third-eye chakra while envisioning yourself laying in the center of a giant pyramid. Position yourself 1/3 of the way from the bottom, or base, of the pyramid.

When I did this, I immediately went into the in-between. I mean immediately! There was no time of clearing my mind or deep breathing. As soon as I saw myself inside the pyramid I went elsewhere. I don’t know where I went, but I went fast. So fast that I had this strange energy seemingly come at me with such force that I immediately came back from wherever I had been thinking, “What the hell!?”

The energy was that same energy as I had the night of this blog post. BUT this time the energy was not scary and did not shake me up. It felt more normal and balanced, like I had gained control of it somehow.

It is the oddest energy I have ever felt and I have felt some pretty weird energy! It felt like I was in a million pieces and then converged back into one whole piece. It’s like I am shattered, splitting into different aspects of myself and then reassembled.

The majority of the energy sensation was centered around my head this time. So this may be why I was less shaken.

Explanation

Of course, upon coming out of this strange experience, I went back to the pyramid meditation. This time there was no immediately departure but I think it is because I was looking for the experience. I did have an odd energy traveling through my body. What is interesting is that it did center around my solar plexus!

I requested an explanation but rather than a direct answer, I ended up going elsewhere again.

The memory of what occurred is mostly lost to me now. Again, it was like it was siphoned off before I had a chance to remember it in full. What I do remember is going from one “Me” to another; back and forth, back and forth. I also recall not being alone but having a man with me who was completely white. I don’t remember details of his face but I remember he had human form and facial characteristics.

The energy that went with this movement between “Me’s” is what brought me back to my body. I checked the clock and it was 10:30pm. I had expected much later as I had settled into meditation at 9:40pm. So the time from my pyramid experience to waking from the next experience was less than an hour!

When I finally came back to full, physical body awareness I remember seeing the White man. He was standing next to a smaller White person. They reminded me of statues they were so still. This visual actually shocked me enough to cause me to completely forget what immediately preceded the vision.

Mostly what I recall is the feeling of moving. It was the same strange energy of breaking apart and reassembling. What is odd is that I did not have fear and it felt like it was systematic – go to point A, then B, then C  and then repeat. Could the pyramid have caused this strange movement?

Messages

I returned to sleep but woke several times in the night, each time thinking I had slept longer than I had.

I had several messages during this time:

The number 6 repeated itself. Angel number 6 has to do with maintaining balance between spiritual and physical.

The number 114 repeated itself enough to wake me up, the number still very clear in my mind. Angel number 114 says that if one uses caution and wisdom they will be successful in business and money matters and life in general. This goes well with my thoughts from last night as I kept thinking of my business.

Dream: Slaughtered Cats

Upon waking the last time this morning, I recalled a vivid dream in which I was inside a mobile home cooking dinner. The stove wouldn’t work and the bread was stale. I was with an old man whom I was suppose to marry. He kept asking me what boy’s names I liked, as if we were going to have a baby.

I left, feeling weird about the whole thing, and as I left saw that the house was made of glass and had a specific entry and exit separated by glass.

When I went out of the home, there was a maze-like walkway with walls waist high. The first thing I saw was carnage and fur. Upon closer inspection it was massacred cats. Some were still alive but they were eating the dead cats!

I walked past the cats and went into a hallway that turned into a school. I remember meeting up with some people and telling them, “It’s safe. I made it that way” and seeing all kinds of tarps and posters up in the halls. Though I couldn’t read them, I knew they had messages or invocations that made it safe.

I’m not sure what the dream implies but it was very odd. I have never seen slaughtered cats like this. Most of them were black, too. Maybe I am overcoming some bad luck? 🙂

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Lucid to OBE: Holding My Hand

As I meditated last night, I asked to either astral project or lucid dream. I knew instantly it would happen and was pleased. It has been a long time since I have done either.

Lucid to OBE: Holding My Hand

I woke in the early morning hours. It was still dark outside so rather than get up I rolled over on my left side and focused on my third-eye which was buzzing with energy. I had many thoughts in my mind making it difficult to relax. I remember hearing that I needed to relax and clear my mind.

The next thing I knew I was very aware of laying in my bed spooning with another person. I could feel their body snug up against mine and it was comforting.

I knew instantly I was OOB because this person I was with was not my husband (he was already awake). There was an electrical energy that was present which also alerted me to this fact.

My mind was a swirl of thoughts – communication between myself and another which I cannot remember now but I know was occurring. I felt a large, masculine hand reach out and gently take my hand. I felt my fingers interlace between his and squeeze. I was not alone.

The act of holding hands caused my awareness to peak and I began to look around and try to gather information about where I was. Unfortunately, all I saw was a gray, shifty haze that seemed to jump if I focused upon it. I was able to recognize I was not in my own bedroom. Where was I?

I felt the familiar pull back to my body and the energy seemed to hit me with more force than usual. I felt my body and knew I could return, so I withdrew from the front of my mind and fell back into thoughtlessness.

colors dropplet ripples waterReturn

Again, I could feel myself spooning with this man but I was also aware that there was another person in bed with me, a female. I did not spoon with her but kept thinking that the man and the woman were people who I converse with online. I called them by name and talk to them as if they were there but I did not see either of them. Why I did this, I am not sure but I remember thinking that I needed to tell them I had been with them while OOB.

These thoughts occurred simultaneously with other thoughts, thoughts that were conversations with someone else. I was being reminded to observe and to allow the experience to show me what I needed to see.

I could feel my awareness increasing and decreasing. It ebbed and flowed as I tried to maintain a balance, one that would allow me to remain the observer and not take too much control of the experience. I recall in one heightened moment of lucidity that I could feel the body spooning with me with such intensity that I momentarily forgot I was OOB and thought it was real. This made me too lucid and I had to fight to gain control of myself to remain OOB.

Eventually, I got up out of the bed and began to explore my environment. My vision was still shifty and all gray so I knew I needed to raise my vibration. I began to sing as I flew toward the front of a familiar house. I believe I was in a house I use to share with my ex-husband when we lived in college housing in Montana! I could see the door ahead of me and there was light shining through the windows. I knew if I could get there that I could free myself of this heavy environment.

There was then a recognition that I had done something wrong. I had taken control of the the experience when it was made clear that my only job was to observe it, to allow it to show me something. I was not reprimanded or anything. It’s not like that. I was more of a, “Oh shoot. I forgot!” feeling as I got the message.

Time to Rest

I was pulled very quickly back to my body. As this occurred I received information about the veil between the Earth and the other dimensions or layers surrounding it. The veil was thinner than normal. It was not a good idea at this time for me to explore these areas. It was my time to “rest”.

I was able to gain information about why it was not a good idea for me to travel outside my body right now while many others are able to. It has something to do with my vibration level and the vibration of my physical body as well as the vibration level of the surrounding dimensions or layers. I was told that my physical body is being attuned, its vibration raised in order to incorporate a higher vibration. Leaving my body to explore the astral realms could interrupt the process.

I am shown in my mind a tuning fork and the ripples the sound makes as it travels away from the fork. Then I am shown a disturbance in the ripple. This disturbance is what would happen if I were to astral right now.

I’m not sure what would happen if such a disturbance occurred but I trust my guides in this. There is always a good reason even if I do not understand it.