Category Archives: Dreams

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The Sun is on It’s Way

The night before last, for the first time in a while I could not fall asleep. I don’t know when I finally did fall asleep, but I felt tired in the morning. As a result I was not very focused through my work day and felt as if I were floating through in a dream most of the day. By the end of the day I was feeling pretty down because I accidentally noticed that an old high school classmate who made my middle and high school years pretty miserable, had another baby. Something about seeing her happy really ate me up inside. It seemed unfair that someone so nasty, deceitful and materialistic was getting to be happy. So unfair! I know, though, had I been more rested, that it wouldn’t have matter to me a bit.

It didn’t help that my middle child, most likely struggling to adjust to a new baby brother, continues to create messes the minute my head is turned. Yesterday he chose to open up nail polish and paint the bathtub while also getting out toilet bowel cleaner and pouring it over the top of the polish. Perhaps he was trying to clean his mess? Regardless, it was just another kick when I was already down. I felt many times that I would lose my mind yesterday. I am so happy the day is past.

So last night when I settled down to bed I was beat. The energy that I have been feeling all week, depleted. I was also very down and completely unnerved by the day’s events. I just wanted to get away and hide somewhere quiet and safe. I felt again as if I could not get far enough away from my life. I remember thinking I needed a break and asking for one.

“I’m a Lesbian”

I awoke again at 6a.m. feeling much like I did when I went to bed and irritated because the house was silent which indicated to me my husband was still asleep. Not good since his job on my days off is to get everyone up and ready for the day and allow me to sleep in. After trying unsuccessfully to not think about the fact that he was asleep, I finally went down and woke him up. I returned to my bed feeling the heaviness of the burden that is my role in this family. I feel that if I were to disappear the entire household would crumble down and fall apart without me there to make sure bills got paid, trash got put out, homework was done, lunches made, groceries bought, meals prepared and cleaned up….the list goes on and on.

Somehow I managed to returned to sleep and fell into an odd dream. I was with my middle son (the one who painted the bathtub with nail polish) and we were entering a restaurant. The hostess greeted us and my son said to her, “I’m a lesbian”. She looked at me and said, “Lesbian? Oh,” as if this meant we could not eat there. When I heard the term lesbian it felt very off yet a part of me seemed to accept it like, “Yeah he is”. I looked at the hostess as she was joined by another woman and they both looked at me questionably as if I were expected to explain. I stood there, struggling to figure out what was going on. I looked at my son, standing there naked, his white-blond hair stark in contrast to the brownish ambiance of the room. As I looked at him I kept thinking to myself, Lesbian? Lesbian?

Now, looking back on the experience, I know that the word was a trigger to get me to wake up, but at that point it was just very confusing because a part of me knew it was dead wrong and out of place but another part wanted to just accept it and happily have my dinner.

Hundreds of Houses

The trigger must have finally worked because the dream vanished and I felt the familiar floating feeling that comes with a disconnect from my body.  I instantly recognized I was OOB, too, but was not excited to find that once again I could not see well because it was dark. I also recognized I was inside my mom’s house and went directly to a window to exit. I flew into it, hoping to go right through, but met resistance and so opened it.

When I went outside it was still dark. Disappointed (I really wanted it to be light which often happens when I go outside), I floated up and hovered while I surveyed the space around me. I was definitely not outside my mom’s house but somewhere else, somewhere with mountains.

After I got my bearings, I remembered that I wanted to try something a member of my astral projectors FB group had posted. This being that they chanted “OM” to help them let go. I had told myself to try this the next time I went OOB but doubted I would remember it. Yet, here I was, in the midst of an OBE, thinking to myself, “Chant OM!”

So I did, but it didn’t come out quite right. Instead of sounding like the familiar chanting, it came out more like a howl. In fact, I sounded like I was howling at the moon! Instead of laughing at this, I got very serious and focused on trying to do it “right”. So I tried it a few more times, still hearing more of a howling sound that continued to get more and more like a wolf’s howl than the OM I wanted. I think once, and only once, did it sound something like I wanted.

At some point I gave up on trying to OM and instead just thought, “Let go”. At the same time as I thought this, I noticed that the mountains in front of me were dotted with hundreds of houses. Each of them was lit up with yellow light. Each house was identical – white, two-story, with four square windows with the familiar four tiny boxes inside each. All of them lit up brightly. When I saw how many there were I took it all in and recognized it as beautiful. Yet I was disinterested. A part of me was still holding onto the sadness I had gone to bed with.

I began to feel the familiar pull upwards that often hits me. I am not certain of what it is meant to do but I had a distinct feeling that I needed to go along with it. In fact, I felt at that time a knowingness that was saying, “Just go with it” along with a message saying, “Let me show you”. I all at once gave into this feeling, wanting, desiring to know what lay ahead.

But I must have still been resisting because I began to flounder and the upward sensation stopped suddenly. I felt the familiar floaty feeling I get when I come close to my body and resisted the temptation to settle back into my body. The message still strong that there was something I needed to see, to be shown.

viewThe Sun is on It’s Way

I willed myself back to where I had been. Within moments I was again floating near the mountains but the white, yellow-lit houses were gone. Instead the mountainside was dark as was everything else. I again felt the familiar pulling sensation and felt/knew that I needed to let myself be pulled up. For some reason I also began to sing loudly. There is a faint memory with the singing that I needed to raise my vibration and a recognition that the darkness of my vision coincided with the darkness I was feeling.

As I sang, I was pulled up with ever increasing velocity. Usually I resist, thinking I will soon end up in space looking down at planet Earth, but this time I sang loudly, “I don’t mind going into space”, repeating a variation of that thought several times and accepting that soon I would be looking down at the Earth.

But my hand scraped something hard and I realized that although I felt to be miles up in the sky, I was not. Then I opened my eyes and for a moment saw with color and clarity. I was very close to the ground and flying fast. I remember looking down as I flew and seeing a pair of white sandals all alone on the hillside in the grass. I wanted to reach down and pick them up, but felt pulled away and upward over the mountains and hills.

I also remember the song I was singing, melody and words. I sang:

“‘Cause I know it’ll be okay,

And the sun is on it’s way,

Everything is always just that way”.

As the words to the second line came out of my mouth, I saw vividly the bright, morning sun rising to my left right along with the words “the sun is on it’s way”. It was an amazing, vibrant orange-red and its rays reached out and illuminated my vision. The sky exploded in color, a pastel shade of blue dotted with white clouds and the oranges and reds of a brilliant sunrise. I looked to my right as I sang the last line and saw the once dark mountain side brighten and come alive with color, the green so vibrant that it made me want to cry.

All the while I was soaring low on the horizon and singing, feeling much lighter and more free than I had been feeling in the previous gloomy darkness.

The emotions that hit me, mostly joy and relief, caused me to return to my body. I did not want to open my eyes, but when I did, my cheek was wet with tears. Although the experience did lift my spirits for a moment, when I awoke I was reluctant to get out of bed.

Reflection

This morning, as I reflect on the experience, I realize that my energy and vibration has been very low despite my energy seeming to be high. I also have been stuck in some negative past experiences which, unfortunately, have pulled me into similar scenarios while OOB. I have been considering this as I mull over my most recent OBEs and I believe I was testing it during this particular experience. Result? Success!

Singing has always elevated my mood. No matter how down I am, the act of singing pulls me out of the despair. In my earlier OBEs, singing was often in the background and I have many pleasant memories of dancing and singing with my dog, Trooper, in the sunshine and warmth of my own astral landscape. I also have many a memory as a child of singing made-up songs as I played with my dolls or wandered around the yard aimlessly. Presently, my own daughter sings her own made-up melodies and dances happily much like I did when I was her age.

Perhaps the biggest lesson this experience taught me is that my thoughts create my reality, no matter where I am. And if I can just get in control of them, then I can pull myself out of whatever funk I find myself in. I have learned this lesson before, but, as another post in my FB group reminded me, sometimes we need to be reminded of lessons we have already learned because, despite us knowing the lesson, we may not have fully integrated it.

Finally, I believe there was a breakthrough in this OBE that is very significant. I decided to “let go” and do something different than I had done in my other OBEs. I have been trying, unsuccessfully for the most part, to control my OBEs and the results have been more of the same: dead ends, sudden endings, dark gloominess, and a feeling of failure upon waking. This time I let myself be taken wherever I was going and ended up regaining my vision. I also realized that the loss of my vision was an illusion. The colors and beauty were always there but my mood and fight for control overshadowed them. It was only when I let go that the darkness disappeared and let in the light.

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The Timekeeper

This high energy cycle I’ve been going through all month continues along with the deep, hard sleep that seems limited to 7-8 hours max. I forgot to mention that I am ridiculously hungry right now, too. I often wake up in the morning so irritable from my hunger that I am starting to think of myself as the terrible morning monster. My whole family knows to avoid me, especially my husband who keeps accidentally initiating important conversations as soon as he sees me awake. I, of course, bark back at him a response or two, my mind focused only on one thing: food. Usually, within about 30 minutes of eating, I am back to my normal self, but thirty minutes is a long time and I often put my foot in my mouth more than once during that time.

These “symptoms” are, of course, all very much common to the “ascension” process. Yet, when one is going through them they wonder, “What the hell is wrong with me?” I can’t help but think I must have some undiagnosed illness waiting, like the monster in my closet, to jumped out at me when I least expect it.

Alaska

I had, again, a really vivid dream that came with me into sudden wakefulness at 6 a.m. Being this is my day off, I was very irritated that I was wide awake at such an early time. It only made me more frustrated when my rumbling stomach forced me out of bed and down to the kitchen.

I returned to bed after my snack and instantly felt I needed to take what little time I had to meditate. The instant I chose to do this, I began to receive messages. But I am getting ahead of myself. I need to recount the dream first so that you understand a bit about the messages I received.

In the dream I was at a home in the mountains of Alaska. I found myself suddenly just there and was a bit out of sorts and trying to get my bearings for some time. I seemed to be surrounded by “family”, though I have no idea who the people were. There was a couple who appeared to be in the mid to late 40s and were happily giving me and my group a tour of their home.

I don’t recall much about the tour but I do remember that we were talking about moving there. I did not like the idea and was relieved when I discovered it would be my sister, her husband and new son that would be moving there and not me. There was some interaction that reminded me of my past with my sister that I participated in, but it all seemed very out of place being we are so much older now than we were then.

At one point we were exploring a home for rent near a creek that flowed into the ocean. The house was an empty, very nice multistory home positioned right next to a rapidly flowing, crystal clear creek.  My companion and I explored the area, me commenting on how nice it was and how we should rent it. I stood next to the creek and saw a large, orange colored Koi fish feeding. Something was said about the fish, but I don’t recall it now.

We went down a trail that led into the woods. It appeared well kept and made of some kind of fabricated stone that was speckled gray and white. It led into a cavernous area that was really a man-made outdoor atrium of some type, with tall stone columns and passages. We went inside and I thought there would be bats and sure enough one flew out in front of my sister. It was large but I was not afraid of it, more in awe of it.

The dream gets hazy here for a bit but I do remember that there was a moment when I was holding back a large bear. I had my hands in its mouth (it was asleep) and was yelling at someone to get away, saying, “It’s a bear!” The person was actually sleeping with the bear and I was trying to get them to notice. Something here triggered my memory that there was a bear in another dream but I never could (nor can I now) recall the dream.

Then, we were back by the house with the couple. The place was beginning to depress me. I complained of it being cold more than once, remembering that 60 degrees was warm to them. I also remember a man flirting with me and I was a bit annoyed at him. Not only was he short and unattractive, but I knew connecting with him meant connecting with Alaska and there was no way I was staying there. He was nice enough, though, but I also knew he was part of this “family” living in Alaska. No way!

We went outside and in front of the house was this enormous lake. The water was dark and it was beautiful in its own way, but I commented to the others how it was “ugly”. We somehow ended up on the other side of it and then owner just walked across it, showing me that although it seemed deep it was really very shallow, the water only reaching his calves. I was surprised.

time_joakim_kraemer_photography_Timekeeper

I awoke suddenly from the dream and later, after my snack, settled down to meditate. Like I said earlier, the messages came almost instantly. The first thing that I heard was, “You have a Timekeeper”. This peaked my curiosity. What is a Timekeeper? I wondered, and Why do I only have one?

I was instantly encouraged not to break the state of consciousness I was in. It is hard to explain how this was communicated, but I instantly calmed my mind and let go of my focus upon the many questions arising in my mind.

Without words I knew what was happening. The dreams I have been having are part of a process of purging myself of past issues; issues that hold me back in some way. Much of the purging has to do with old patterns and beliefs. Specifically, the Alaska theme is representative of a time in my life when I was very depressed and felt surrounded by darkness, both literally and figuratively. I felt as well as was told that I must, “pass through the darkness to get to the light”.

The Timekeeper, whoever “he” is, was there and accessible to me, though he seemed “above” me and almost unreachable. I asked his name and heard an “M” name that reminded me of Marion but I am not sure if that is correct. Like is usual, when I hear a name it becomes jumbled and distorted and I doubt the accuracy of the name I receive. Initially, though, before it became jumbled, it sounded a whole lot like Marion but I am positive I skewed the name so it sounded familiar to me.

When I asked what a Timekeeper was I was told, “I am here to help you see”. My guide has been telling me that I will “see” soon but I never quite understood what he meant. See what? Will I literally see something or does it mean I will increase my awareness and so then, “see” more?

I assume this Timekeeper is helping me return to times in which I struggled in order to help me gain awareness of the struggles and lessons I endured. What did I learn while I was in Alaska that is so important? In my memory of it, I realized that I had a shadow I defeated: death.

Shadow Man

I struggled to recall if I had ever meditated or had any recollection of intensely vivid dreams or experiences during that time. I could not, at first, remember anything of significance other than the sudden onset of creativity that resulted in playing the guitar and writing songs that contained strong messages to myself.

Then I recalled a time when I sought out the darkness that was haunting me and causing so much pain in my life. I don’t remember where I got the idea from – the internet? But I did take time to close my eyes and focus. When I did, I found a very surprising thing: a shadowy figure that was there for a brief moment and then vanished.

Intrigued, I tried to find him. I searched my mind for his hiding place and I found him, hiding in the corner of my mind. He had no definition and was very slippery. One moment I would see him clearly, the depth of his dark features endless. Other times he would vanish or appear to be see-through.

I remember him vividly and when I “caught” him, I was flooded with memories and despair. I immediately knew he represented the thoughts that had been tormenting me and willing me, endlessly it seemed, to die. He was death.

There were memories he was associated with, memories from my past and childhood. I don’t remember them now, but when I realized who Shadow Man was, I knew his trickery and I fought him in my mind, banishing him (or so it seemed). For some reason, at that time, the Shadow Man was very real to me. Yet, I did not learn of such creatures and such until many years later when I went through my spiritual awakening.

Shadow Man was in one of my OBEs not long ago. Is he back? Did I only think I got rid of him? I suspect so. The draw towards death never left me completely. It has been more controllable but it has shifted faces and form. It is deceptive and distracting. In fact, after that first encounter with him, I traveled to Alaska and went through some very dark days and more came after that.

I am certain that Shadow Man is merely an aspect of my Self. I suspect the Timekeeper who is helping me is working hard to help me see him and other aspects of my Self that might be booby trapping my awareness, steering me towards negativity and thoughts of death. But something tells me there is much more to a Timekeeper. What?

If you know, please feel free to fill me in.

by

I am Home

It seems I have entered into a new pattern of awareness. That is the only way I can explain it anyway.

It started with the blood moon the beginning of this month and continues to accelerate. The major change has been most noticeable in my sleep patterns. I am not tired when I go to bed, yet when I close my eyes I almost instantly drift off to sleep. Then when I sleep, I sleep very, very deeply and often do not remember my dreams. Then, occasionally I will have a night where I have dreams galore but then cannot remember the details upon waking. Other times there are dreams that come out vividly seemingly from nowhere.

The other change has occurred in my waking awareness. I first had more calm and then it shifted to noticing things, synchronicities and deja vu amongst other things. Amidst these, noticeable, but gradual changes in awareness.

I have not been writing about everything that happens because if I did I would end up with posts so long no one would have time to read them. Also, I have come to realize that sometimes the things that happen to me need to be digested over time before their true meaning and significance is realized.

Test

This morning when I awoke I recalled a very long, in-depth dream. This surprised me since that has not been happening much this month.

The dream was set inside of a moving, armored, all-terrain vehicle. I almost want to call it a military tank but hesitate since I was on the inside and the feeling was not that I was going to war or anything of the like. I was sitting with a man who I admired quite a bit. He was my superior and I recall pushing back a romantic thought towards him, almost like I was internally reminding myself that was not my purpose for being there. He had on a helmet and was discussing flying, referring to me and a flight I would be taking as a newly trained pilot. I was listening and donned my own helmet. It was green and made of metal and covered my entire head. in front was a clear panel that covered the entire front of my face.

I remember feeling anticipation and nervousness as I listened to him. I knew this was an important step for me and I did not want to fail. This “test” would determine whether or not I was ready to pilot my own craft (what kind I am not sure).

The color green was very prominent in the memory of this dream as was the color silver which was the color of the metal vehicle I was in.

Mental Facility

Instead of the dream ending with me preparing for flight it actually fast-forwarded to another destination. I found myself standing in a line at a very large building built to hold many people. It was silver in color and very tall, so tall I could barely make out the top. It was square and also had a military feeling to it.

As I waited in line I was with a familiar group of people and I knew they were traveling with me. We were being processed by this facility to receive mental treatment. At first I thought it was a mental hospital but that thought was immediately replaced with “mental” as a stand-alone title for this place.

As I waited I looked down and saw soft, green grass all about. It was vibrant and separated the steel posts that designated the lines for for entrance into the building. I noticed very large animal feces all about and recognized it to be deer feces. I mentioned it to the guy I was standing with who confirmed they belonged to deer that frequented the place. I responded, “Those must be some very big deer. I sure wouldn’t want to come into contact with one of them!”

At the entrance I was expected to present my I.D. and sorted through my purse to get it. At this time I remember opening my wallet and finding huge amounts of money wadded inside. I retrieved my driver’s license and stuffed the money back inside, worried the people behind me might be watching and then want my money. I also felt guilty of having so much for some reason.There was one guy who was suspicious. A criminal?

When I got through to the other side, a woman kept my I.D. and gave me paperwork to fill out. I had to list the types of food I liked, my weight and measurements of my body. I could not answer all the questions and asked if that was okay. It was.

Inside we were placed into a dormitory together. I was with various individuals of all ages and genders, some family groups, others singles. We were waiting together and I was concerned about when and what we would eat and also concerned about my baby. I asked for milk and was told they had limited amounts of it and that I would have to use powdered formula. I took it but worried I would run out. I remember looking around with a feeling of uncertainty at this time. Finally, though, a gallon of milk was located and I had plenty for my baby.

Inside the dorm I went about making food with what provisions I could find. It happened to be beans. I began cooking them and found there was not much. A woman beside me began opening ground turkey. I asked where she got it and she told me the pantry. I immediately went to look and found canned food and such and began looking for ingredients to make a stew. I found a can of chitlins and was told to look twice. Realizing the can contained pork intestines, I put them back. For some reason they had a Hawaiian name and a Hawaiian man later came and got them to eat.

Pool

As if the dream were not already weird enough, it got weirder. I found myself with my group in the water of a swimming pool. I watched as a suited individual was pulled down into and under the water. She was wearing what appeared to be white, astronaut suit but it was really scuba gear. Under the water she became me and I breathed under water for a bit and then surfaced and looked about. I remember feeling very uniquely separate from the others at this point and a bit unsure of where I was and why I was there.

In the water the group was pairing off and one guy kept looking at me as if he wanted to know if I was interested. I immediately told him I was married (or did I think it?) and moved away from him. Not only was he unattractive but I just was not interested.

I heard something and looked up to see the instructor. He was discussing the training we were going through. I don’t remember now what he was saying but it was obvious that I was still in the “mental” facility going through some kind of training. Another interesting thing was that everyone was wearing white.

Promotion

Suddenly I was doing my laundry and standing in front of a washing machine. It was overfull and I was pulling out paper. It was paper used for wrapping presents and I was not sure how it got there. As I unloaded it to make the washer less full I was talking with a woman. I was able to get the load lessened and then my attention was brought back to the instructor who had just been at the pool side. He was addressing me and holding up a large tapestry of some kind. He opened it up and it was a commendation that had been sewed for me. It was the size of a quilt and was green and white. It very clearly stated that I was promoted to Captain. When he told me this I was intensely happy and surprised at once. The rest of the group was also very congratulatory. I kept looking at the tapestry and the word “Captain” continued to repeat in my mind.

Waking Messages

I awoke at this time. Fully awake without drowsiness, I realized it was very early and still dark. I don’t know what time it was but I suspect about 5:45-6a.m. This is the time I have been waking all week regardless of when I have to get up.

I tried to return to sleep but could not. So I went over the dream in my mind and wondered about its meaning. As I did, I must have drifted in and out of the state in-between sleep and wakefulness. It is a very deep meditative state that is easy for me to fall into upon waking.

During this time I would find myself conversing with someone and other times I would be in the act of doing particular things. The messages I received are difficult to remember now, which is not unusual, and I remember being reassured that I would remember what I needed to when I asked to remember.

One message was that I had three more levels. The other was simply the word “migraine” along with the image of the helmet I was wearing in the first part of the dream. This message immediately brought me to full awareness as I panicked a bit but then knew it was okay and purposeful. At this point I was hit with a calmness and knowingness that reassured me all was going as planned and caused me to not care about what it might mean.

The next thing I remember is doing yoga and realizing suddenly that I was, bringing me back to full awareness. I then began to “know” things but at the same time I was speaking to myself with certainty, but the voice did not seem like mine, yet it was. It is hard to explain. I was telling myself, “I am suppose to do this, that is what I was told to do”, and I began to do “it”. “it” was to meditate.

So that is what I did and I struggled with it because I kept being brought back to full awareness by things I was being told, triggered by my desire to remember, word-for-word, what I was “hearing”. I went back and forth between states for some time and finally the message got through to me – “Don’t focus on any one thing. You will remember what is needed.”

And that is when I let go and gave in. When I returned from this state, I did not remember everything and as I tried to remember I began to lose specifics very quickly. Yet I instantly began to know that what I was going through was purposeful and part of the process. The deep sleeping, the high energy in the day, the synchronicity, the deja vu, – all of it was part of the “ascension” process as was that movement from “level to level” as per the promotion to Captain in my dream. I also remembered what I had been doing before bed (I could not remember it before then). I had been saying to myself, “I am home” and I fully recognized that what I was longing for, this “Home”, is an illusion, much like everything else I experience in the physical. That Home is really me. Home is everywhere that I am. It is with me all the time and I can access it anytime. I went to sleep repeating to myself, “I AM HOME”.

Note: I am currently reading Confronting Your Immortality by Gordon Phinn. I highly recommend this book. I am in the middle of the book and have been reading it before bed the past few nights. It is from this book that I recognized how my beliefs have been limiting me, specifically my belief of what Home is.

by

Seven

So far this week has been pretty dull compared to last week. I am more irritable but not in a bad way. I am not surprised that I am falling below the wonderful plateau of temporary emotional stability I had last week. It is a common cycle in my life. I am grateful for experiencing the reprieve, though.

Deja Vu

Yesterday I had a very powerful deja vu experience. It happen like they usually do. I was at work and was called to help someone who had lost their brothers within months of each other. So my job was to listen and give assistance as needed. As I was listening and giving information about the five stages of grief everything suddenly seemed to brighten. At the same time it was as if the moment were in slow motion and everything I was experiencing was very familiar. I suspected deja vu and then looked at a bookcase and seeing it cemented the feeling. Definitely deja vu.

I have not had deja vu in a long time. Around the time of my spiritual awakening, probably in 2003 or thereabouts, I had deja vu quite frequently. Back then I was not use to it and at first I found it curious and then exciting. I had been told by others that it meant I was exactly where I was suppose to be. Eventually, though, the experiences were soon followed by a series of negative life events. So, since this time, I have begun to see deja vu experiences as warnings. I know it is not logical, but I cannot seem to help but worry when I have one. What if I end up having similar negative things happen after them?

With this specific deja vu, I remembered that I had been in that exact place and time, doing the exact thing I was doing – classic deja vu. The feeling with it was very dream-like as well and I wrought my brain trying to figure out when I had experienced this before. My conclusion was that I must have dreamed it, or at least the past experience was similar to that of a dream.

I am not certain that I will associate this deja vu with future negative happenings, but I will definitely be wary. Perhaps deja vu is a result of pre-life review – that time before we enter the body when we review particular events that we will struggle with. I also feel that these reviews are meant to trigger memories within us so that we are ready to do the right thing at the right moment. So, it makes complete sense that I would worry about what is to come after having deja vu.

Hidden Belief Revealed

This morning, after a pretty deep somewhat dreamless sleep, I woke up and felt one of my guides very close. I had just dreamed about thousands of old people. There had been a discussion about them. The old people were above the age of 70 for the most part, many of them deteriorating at a fast pace; their bodies not functioning properly and letting them down. The discussion focused on my opinions of old people. I made it very clear that they were more of a burden than anything and “got in the way” (my exact words). The person I was talking to was listening and then when this person did speak (they were neither male or female) they gave me a phone number that I repeated a couple of times, along with the number 7. My opinion about the elderly was questioned but I awoke before I could respond.

Upon waking I remembered my stance on the elderly and was at first shocked and then accepting of my opinion. I realized somewhere within me there is the belief that if one cannot contribute to society that they should no longer be supported by society. Where this belief comes from, I am not 100% certain, but it contributes to my present life issues, specifically family issues that I will not go into right now. I am fairly certain this belief of mine stems from a past life (or many). I know I had a life in Germany around the time of the holocaust but not during it. Perhaps it stems from that life?

I did not remember the phone number, despite saying it several times, but I did remember the number 7. I am not too familiar with the number 7 but from what I remember about it, 7 is the number of spirituality and developing and increasing one’s spiritual ability. The number 7 is a message from one’s guide that now is the perfect time to focus upon development of one’s spiritual ability, to seek answers and truth from within and encourages others to, also.

golden-dragon-scalesOBE or Something Else?

After accepting the dream conversation that revealed one of my hidden beliefs I felt very defeated. I disliked myself very much yet I knew the belief was mine and needed to be worked through. This was overwhelming to me, of course, as the very rejection of this belief creates difficulty in resolving it.

I could still feel my guide with me and I said to him, “I want to astral”. He nodded. I rolled over and closed my eyes.

The next thing I remember was awakening within a dark room. I could sense I was in my bed and that was all. I felt groggy and tired. Despite this, I pushed myself to exit my body and get past the groggy feeling. I felt heavy and cumbersome as I rolled to the side and sat up. I felt the disconnect from my body but it was sluggish. I just wanted to get out and away from the feeling!

After what seemed like forever, I disconnected from the heaviness of my body and began to float through the house I was in. It was not familiar and the lights were out. I could not see well but it was enough to make out shapes and objects in the room. I was in typical living area with a TV, sofa, tables, etc. I felt a presence with me. It was male and tall and not threatening. I recognized him to be my guide and acknowledged him. I then knew his name and said to him, “You are…” excitedly, but his name eludes me now. We talked but I do not know what we said now. It was mostly me recognizing him and his relationship to me. I also remember him saying to me, “This is you” and “I am you”.

I made my way to the other side of the room and stood in front of the door. A child was there, but I do not know who it was or if it was male or female. It appeared to be a small girl but I did not interact with her at all. I only recall a slight glow about her, but did not focus on it. I then stated out loud, “I want to see the light”.

I made my way to the door and intended to go through it but when I got to it I met resistance. Not deterred I willed my way through it and just popped out on the other side of the door.

I found myself outside but it was still dark. My surroundings felt more familiar here but I was still not sure where I was. I kept calling out, “I want to see the light” over and over. I did not initially intend to say this and the memory of setting the intention was hard to remember. I could not figure out the right words. Now in recalling this I know I meant to say, “I want to see my Higher Self” but for some reason I could not recall those words.

As I continued to say, “I want to see the light”, I felt myself being pulled upward toward the sky. At first I resisted, a bit worried I would end up in outer space which is not where I wanted to go, but I eventually allowed myself to be pulled up. When I did, there appeared before me row upon row of shimmering golden leaves outlined with light green. But when I focused upon them more the “leaves” appeared more to be gold leafed armor plating. My vision was bright and completely filled with the images of tiny, sparkling, golden leaves.

My movement upward began to accelerate and I got uneasy. This, of course, blacked out my vision. I wish I could just go with it and not resist! Anyway,  when this happened I did not want to wake up so I calmed myself down and let myself just float in the blackness. I stopped moving upward but did not go back into my body. I just floated in darkness. At this time is when my guide began to speak and I just floated in darkness while we talked.

He explained to me that what I was experiencing was all a result of me. I was creating it. I cannot remember his exact words now but the message was clear: this was all my creation; my reality. Why was he telling me this again? He also told me that of the information I remembered or received while OOB, I would lose 70%. His exact words were, “70% is lost”. I don’t remember the rest of what he said, but I guess with a 70% loss that is about right.

When we were done talking, I realized my eyes had been closed. I slowly peeked out and light came shining through and I vividly saw the outside. The light shown through my eyelids very brightly and caused me to awaken. I opened my eyes and the memory of my conversation with my guide hit me. I focused on remembering the experience and then willed myself back to it.

I was back outside in darkness with limited vision. I saw an animal pen of some kind with a dog inside. There was also the shadow of a man on the other side of it. At the same time I felt the warm fur of a dog next to me and recognized my Trooper was with me. I reached down and petted him. It did not register with me to question what dog was inside the pen, though. I wanted instead to find out who the man was. I should have been afraid but I wasn’t as I flew toward the tall, shadowy figure and called out to him, “Hey!” I flew up and over the pen to come down to the other side where the man was but when I looked down he was gone.

I awoke and was not in a good mood. It was irritating to me that my vision was so poor and the conversation with my guide had me wondering if my experience was just a very vivid, lucid dream and that I was not really leaving my body at all. He did say that everything around me was created by me so that must mean that I am just dreaming. The thought made me question all my experiences. It felt like I was out of my body, but if I was OOB, where was I going? To my own created world? If so, what was the fun of that? The disappointment created by this possibility made me disinterested in any more such experiences. I lay in bed, disappointed, as hypnagogic images flashed through my mind. They kept distracting me and when I focused on them they would vanish. I knew I should ignore them and that if I did I would consciously exit my body. But I didn’t want to. I was too let down by the message that it was all my creation and that I was likely just in some kind of self-simulated realty. I want more than that.

by

Pulling Teeth

As my near dreamless nights pile up, I am allowed glimpses of dreams as if to “show” me that progress is being made. Yet the impatient part of me is struggling to see any progress being made. It has been at least a week (more maybe?) since I have had any significant OBE and the dreams I do have are quickly lost to me upon waking. I have also been waking frequently, an average of three times per night. Yes I have a baby who still awakens at night, but that is usually at 4am and only once. The other times I awaken suddenly and then, of course, must use the restroom. Each time my dreams fade quickly, even if I try to hold onto them. And if I do manage to remember a dream, it is usually lost in subsequent dreams and I cannot remember anything except a general idea or feeling upon waking.

Pulling Teeth

During one of my wakings last night I awoke very disturbed from a dream about teeth. Dreams about teeth are very common but I have not had one in a long time. Usually any dream I have about my teeth represents stubbornness on my part, yet this dream was unlike any other I have ever had.

In the dream I was with a man (guide?) and we were discussing a surgery that I needed to have. The surgery was that all my upper teeth would be pulled and then I would get dentures. I was not happy about this and very nervous. I remember asking to be sedated during the procedure and worrying about pain. I was reassured that I could be sedated and that, though it would take a while for my gums to heal afterward, I would be okay. I had to wait for my gums to heal, though, in order to be fitted for dentures. Throughout our conversation there was another scenario being played out that involved the man I was talking to. He was not being very honest, in fact he may have been a con man. Anyway, I remember thinking I disliked what he was doing and what he was planning to do – it was very wrong. How that went along with my teeth being pulled, I don’t know, but it definitely left a feeling that allowed me to remember this dream upon waking.

Here is what Dreammoods says about teeth: Common dreams: Teeth.

15957214_largeRebuilding a Car

I had another dream that I remember from last night. This one was after my last waking in which I had to go downstairs several times and eat because I was so hungry.

In this dream I was at a mechanic’s shop. It was a typical shop in a metal building with a large garage door. Inside were two men, but the one I spoke with most often was very young and reminded me of my brother in age and appearance, though he was definitely not my brother.

I spoke with the young man at first to talk about the car I brought in. The car was very vivid to me. It was the car I had when I was a teenager in high school – a white,1987 Ford Escort. My mom drove it, then my older sister, then me. My younger sister even got it but she burned up the engine. I recall its red interior and every little thing about it and in the dream I did also.

I told the young man I was interested in restoring the car and he said they would do it. We walked around it and discussed what would need to be done. I showed him the small dent in the fender and he told me the seats would have to be recovered. I decided to leave it white and he quoted me $1200 just for labor. I remember thinking it was reasonable and wanting to do it but feeling like I needed to ask my Mom for permission.

I stayed in the shop a while, going the refrigerator and making myself at home in a kitchen/waiting room. I remember using some milk to give to my baby and recalling I had left it there from a previous visit. I then noticed the table had some missing chairs and mentioned it to the young man, thinking the chairs did not belong to the table. I soon realized I was wrong and let it be and decided to leave the milk there because it was already nearly expired.

Interpretation

Cars have always represented life paths to me. In this particular instance the car came from my high school years and was with my family from the time I was 10 to my early 20s. It was connected to many life events and memories and the fact that I was wanting to restore the car suggests a desire to return the events of that period in my life and make them “like new”.

Mechanics and mechanics shops can be compared to hospitals (which are also very common in my dreams lately) in they they are places of “repair” or healing. Since I encountered a mechanic it is even more real to me that I was seeking healing and repair of a specific time in my life. The fact that I am concerned about getting permission from my Mom implies that I have some issues with her or that maybe she has issues from that time as well that need healing.

The milk is also very prominent in my dream. Milk symbolizes maternal instinct and motherly love as well as compassion and love. The milk is not sour or bad in the dream but I imply that it is expired which suggests a need to pull back on the love I extend to certain people in my life. I am not sure exactly who but in real life I have been distant from my own mother since we moved so I believe this is the person who I have withdrawn from.

Healing

I know I am going through a deep healing period in my life where I am again being asked to reflect upon past issues and work to resolve them and let them go. It is my belief that issues remain as long as their is a lesson to be learned from them. Sometimes they also remain because they are linked to others who also have not learned from them or let them go. We carry our issues with us like baggage along with our memories and links to the people we love. It makes sense to me, then, that even though we may feel “done” with an issue, the issue remains because some other person we love has not come to terms with it. As One, we all contribute to and benefit from each others healing.

So, even though I have been through my childhood time and time again, I recognize there is still something left that has yet to be recognized. So I continue to return to those moments. Perhaps the pulling teeth dream is representative of my view about returning once again to that time in my life? It makes sense. I am resistant to returning again to that time because I have gone over and over those memories. I am told, though, that it will be painless and I can “sleep” through it. So, perhaps, I will be continuing to do most of the healing in my sleep.

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Four Levels

Last night I had some very vivid dreams which included communication with one of my guides. I then ended up OOB for a short time.

4 Levels

The dream started inside a building that had a golden hue about it. It was also very clean and sanitary and reminded me of a hospital. I was with my best friend from high school as she appears presently and she was telling me about a stalker.

While with her I was transported in my mind to outside of the building and saw that it was indeed a very tall structure. I was talking with a female who I didn’t see and she seemed to be instructing me. We were discussing the four levels of the building. I was acutely aware that the floors had purpose. The top floor was reserved for those who were advanced and nearing the end of this incarnation. The levels below were based upon individuals’ progress in their current life. I was discussing people I seemed to know, saying their names and knowing their level. One woman’s name stood out to me. She was at the third level and her name sounded like “Ah-te” or similar. It sounded very foreign, almost Egyptian.The levels seemed very important and I was focused intently on them.

Then I was aware of being with my friend again. We were hiding from her stalker and we ended up in the bathroom of the first floor. I asked her what it was about, implying that a stalker only stalked because he was given reason to. She laughed and said she had not had sex but had done everything but. This shocked me as her relationship in present time is so perfect. I told her, “I would never do that”.

Then I was floating in this circular shopping area. The buildings of different shops were all around the perimeter and I was in the middle, the parking lot. It was deserted and dark. I flew up to a restaurant and saw it was owned by my friend and was doing quite well.

Then I was back with my friend who was laying down, her eyes closed. We were still on the first floor and the stalker was over her, looking down at her. I wondered if she was dying. The stalker lost interest and left.

I then found myself back in the shopping center. This time the business that was owned by my friend had gone under. In fact, all the businesses seemed to be out of business.

OBE

Suddenly I was very aware of my surroundings and my vision became crisp. I was very aware that I was OOB and thought, “I am asleep”.

I seemed to be in my grandparent’s living room. I looked down at the sofa and saw my husband sound asleep stretched out upon it. He was wearing only his boxers and his head was propped up on a pillow. I went closer, examining him with my eyes and feeling giddy, much like a child who is about to play a practical joke. I smiled and felt mischievous but not like in my other OBEs. “The child” was not present – I was very much myself, just a much happier, free version of myself.

I leaned over my husband, inspecting his face and listening to his breathing. He looked very peaceful. I then touched his arm gently and he shifted slightly. I rubbed the palm of my hand over his chest with more pressure, feeling the warmth of his body and smiling. He made a sound and I moved back and looked at his face. His eyes were closed and there was drool on his mouth. This made me laugh silently to myself.

I would have stayed longer but instead I awoke suddenly and was back in my body.

Considerations

As I lay in bed not wanting to get up, I thought about my dream and the OBE. I knew there was a message in it, but I could not put it into words. The levels were curious to me. What did they represent? Chakras? Levels of consciousness? And my friend and her cheating on her husband along with the failure of her “business” left me wondering. Could it be that I was recognizing that all thing pass and that things are not always what they appear to be? That is what the message seemed to be.

I tried not to take the message literally. I mean, I am not considering cheating or leaving my husband. Yet, I wonder if the cycle of my current life is coming to yet another end? Or perhaps I was just reflecting on possibilities? My OBE seemed so positive to me, as if I were relishing the time I have with my husband. Yet the feeling I had was of a friend who finds her friend sound asleep at a sleepover and wants to put shaving cream on his face, make him move and wipe it all over himself, then laugh hysterically, proud of my success. Even now I think how funny it would have been to have succeeded in startling him awake.

I wonder sometimes if this is what I am like when I am not in a body. Do I have this kind of relationship with my current husband on the Other Side? Are we good friends who like to play jokes on each other? I can imagine how our conversation would go upon a return from this life:

“Hey you!”, I would say, and punch him in the arm. “How did you like being my man servant this life?”

He would laugh and say, “What? Me?” Then he would think and say, “You know, I think we should be siblings next time around. Then we can really teach each other a lesson or two”.

Sometimes I really think life is just a big, ol’ game to us when we are not in a body. Puts a whole new twist to the saying, “Lighten up”.

by

Two Bodies – March, 2014

Of all the mornings this week, this is the one I would expect would have me in a good mood. Unfortunately, I feel very grumpy and on edge.

Why would I expect to be in a good mood? Because I had an interesting double body experience – well really it was an OBE but it was peculiar.

OBE #1: Two Bodies

It began with me being awoken by my husband opening the garage to leave for work. One of the unfortunate aspects of having a master bedroom located over the garage is that when the door is opened it is pretty loud. I heard it right through my ear plugs and so woke up with a start. I could not go back to sleep after that because the dream I had been having was so vivid and I was mulling it over.

About an hour later I heard my children wake up and turn on the t.v. downstairs. I did not want to get out of bed, though. I was so comfortable and it was chilly in the room making getting up that much more unappealing. I was a bit stiff so positioned myself somewhat on my back (can’t sleep on my back because I am pregnant) and stretched myself out. It felt nice and I closed my eyes just wanting to lay there and relax.

The next thing I know I am sitting in a large, open room at a table with two women. One woman is a counselor from my old place of employment. I recognize her blonde hair and mannerisms instantly. I listen as she speaks with another woman I do not recognize. They are discussing scheduling and I listen in, ever so often I offer up my opinion but am mostly just awed by the fact that I am sitting with the counselors and that, well, I am a counselor! I tell the woman I once worked with, “It is nice to be working with you as a counselor”. I do not recall her replying.

I look behind me as the other woman speaks to someone across the room. There is a woman preparing a projector as if she is about to give a presentation. There is no one else in the room. I look around and something about the space and the situation “wakes” me up. When I become lucid the scene disappears and I feel myself laying in my bed.

I have only my mental vision when I look around me so the colors are all variations of black, white and brown and the scene is very shifty, as if the room is moving in slow motion. This is the usual when I see with my mental vision, but for some reason I notice more about it than I typically do.

The room is not my bedroom but a similar room in that it is arranged the same with the door in the same place and about the same amount of space between the door and bed. I am aware of people outside of the room as I can hear them talking but cannot make out what they are saying. The bed I am laying in is very small, perhaps twin sized, while my real bed is a king. I get up and feel myself in two places as I do so – I am both in the bed and walking across the room to the door at the same time. The feeling is odd in that as I separate from my physical body there is resistance and if there had been sound (there was none) I would have heard the sound of static or Velcro.The separation is a particular feeling and I struggle with it. Why am I in both places? I want to be with the me across the room, not the me in my bed. Why am I separating so slowly and not completely?

I do end up walking to the door as if to leave but my confusion at being in two places keeps me from leaving the room. The separation ends instantly and I am back in my physical body but my consciousness is still not so aware as for me to completely wake up.

OBE #2

I look around the room and notice a man walking past. He has no shirt on and a white towel is wrapped around his waist. I ask him who he is and he tells me he is just passing through. For some reason I get interested in this man and invite him over to me. When he comes close he disappears but I can still feel his presence. I then feel my left leg and then my right leg lift up into the air as if they are being held or are resting on someone. I do not feel hands on me, though. The peculiar feeling of being in two places hits me again. I can feel both pairs of my legs and am willing myself to go with the legs that are raised. Unfortunately, something about me willing myself to move out of body shifts me into full awareness and I find myself settling into my physical body.

OBE #3

I do not open my eyes. Instead I think about what just happened and, knowing I could easily return, I let myself drift back into between states. The next thing I know, I am flying high over a highway and below there is snow covering the roads. There are plows and I am talking to someone about the roads. I observe a plow below me and follow behind, flying along the road. Then I look on the other side of the highway and watch as a plow flies down the road at very high speeds. A smaller truck follows behind swiftly and I recall that my thoughts were that these vehicles were moving very fast. I observe the scene for a bit, noting the mountainous terrain and then shift back into my physical body.

Realizing I need to wake up, I slowly open my eyes but am instantly not in a good mood. I tell my guides I want to go back and to stay. I get messages from them to try and get me to stop considering such a thing. One familiar one is, “Think about your life”. Another one I hear is, “You have much left to do”. I am not pleased to hear these things.

Resistance

While I am pleased that I was able to have such an interesting OBE, I am now very on edge and cannot seem to get myself going this morning. Part of it has to do with not being able to return and stay in astral for a longer period of time. Another part of it has to do with the fact that my week long vacation is almost at an end. I do not look forward to having to wake up early and come home late from work. I do not look forward to resuming my hectic schedule. It is nice to have nothing to do.

I also notice that I am resisting something about my future. I am not certain what it is exactly but I do have a longing to return to my past; to when I was so deeply connected to the spiritual. I miss that connection and feel that no matter what I do right now, that deep connection will not return for some time. I resent the things in my life that keep me from the excitement that spiritual connection brought. I was constantly learning new things about life and myself. I was astraling frequently and able to block out the bland mundane reality that was my life whenever I wanted. That is not the case now.

Part of me wishes I had never started on the spiritual path because now that I know what I am missing it makes living in this physical reality that much harder. I will always be longing for Home. Yes, I longed for it before but it was not a conscious thing. I didn’t really know what it was that was missing from my life. Now that I know, now that I have a taste of what it is that was/is lacking, I will forever yearn for it.

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Astral Space Capsule – February, 2014

I have not been able to get a solid night’s sleep in some time. So, of course, I have not had very many vivid dreams and no OBEs. I think this is because I keep waking up every 1 to 2 hours either from baby kicking and squirming or from needing to use the bathroom.

Baby Dream

Today is my first day of my new counseling job. I awoke at 4:30am from some weird dreams. Strangely I had slept harder than in previous nights and so it was a surprise to me that I remembered my dreams at all. I had a dream where I was in shop as a cashier and working with money. My husband’s boss who passed away last year was my boss and he was discussing giving me money. A woman stopped by and mentioned that her daughter was having her baby but that it was due in November. I remember thinking that there was no way the baby would survive since November was so far away. The baby had to have just be conceived! It was a boy and I overheard that the father was my sister’s ex-boyfriend. I didn’t say anything to her about it since I didn’t want to give her anymore bad news. The guy was a loser.

Later, I was in the hospital and the woman and her daughter were there. The baby had been born and had survived to my surprise. I remember hearing her talking about him and describing how small he was. She showed me a picture of him and he had large jowls like a dog and I remember realizing that the baby was a girl and not a boy. It also had a very short torso and seemed deformed. I congratulated the woman but the whole while was thinking “Poor woman”.

I went to the bathroom with a nurse who wanted me to tell her how long it took me to pee. She gave me a clock and I went in. I didn’t think I would have much pee but for some reason it gushed out of me and got all over the toilet. I frantically watched the clock and I saw it was at 15sec. Another gush came out and another still. I seemed to be full of pee! I noted that it took about 25-30sec total. I then saw I had peed out something weird. It looked like a piece of flesh. It had veins and everything on it and was about 3 inches long. I was horrified.

This part of the dream woke me up and I tossed and turned for an hour afterward with the dream on my mind. The piece of flesh bothered me. I finally had to get up to pee at 5:30am and then tried to go back to bed. I laid on my right side because my hand kept going numb when I laid on my left side.

OBE #1: Astral Space Capsule

My head had barely hit the pillow and I was asleep. But this time I immediately left my body. I also instantly knew I was not in my body. But, like in other recent OBEs, I had an almost frantic, full of energy feeling that I sometimes get. So, “the child”, as I call her, was in charge during this one.

I found myself inside a space craft. There were large metal cylinders that were moving and I was aware that the shape was circular, like a pod. I was in the middle and knew that someone was about to blow up the space pod. I couldn’t really do anything but wait as I could find no exit. I sat in the midst of these large metal cylinders waiting. The cylinders pumped back and forth, horizontally next to me. I had no fear. I actually didn’t really have any emotion other than being not quite sure what the heck I was doing there.

I then noticed more large cylindrical tubes coming into the pod from the outside. My attacker was infiltrating the pod. With each cylindrical shaft that forced its way into the pod, I felt there was a bomb placed inside. I heard an audible countdown as several more cylinders forced their way inside.It is strange but I had no fear of the impending explosion.

Still having the strangely overwhelming energy of “the child”, I somehow managed to leave the capsule at the very moment the countdown reached zero and exploded. I never even experienced the explosion. Instead, I shifted to a new scene after a brief blacking out of my vision, and found myself in an unfamiliar bed. I immediately flew up and out of the bed and down some stairs.

OBE #2: Christmas House

The place was unfamiliar and I remember recognizing that I was in astral but being concerned about the time. I consciously thought about how I got back into bed at 5:30am. I knew I had only a half hour before my alarm would go off. I also remembered that I needed to get up because if I didn’t I would be late for my first day at work!

I pushed these worries out of my mind as I went downstairs. Oddly, I could hear myself talking to myself, reasoning with myself about how not to worry. I recall a woman being there and most of this scene is lost to me now. I do know I was in a house and was dealing with my worries as I frantically flew about it.

At one point I went outside the house and decided I would spy on the neighbors. It was dark outside and I realized my energy level was low but I chose to do nothing about it. My vision was good except that I seemed to have hair over one of my eyes. I kept noticing that my left eye had a veil over it and kept thinking that I needed to brush my hair out of the way.

I flew out of the house I was in and into the street. It was not a street I am familiar with. It appeared to be in a suburb lined with multi-story houses of various brick colors. The house I was going toward was reddish colored brick and more than one story. It had a manicured lawn and seemed to be middle to upper middle class.

When I got to the front door of the house the obstruction in my vision vanished. The door was dark colored and had a tiny window in the top.  I remember worrying briefly that it wouldn’t open but I easily opened it. Inside it was dark but there was a small Christmas tree illuminated in the corner on my left and I could see the house was very nice, clean and neat. I decided to grab the tree and knock it over (not sure why) and then I flew up the stairs. Each step of the stairs also had a tree, but not a Christmas tree, more like a huge pine/fir tree. I knocked each of them down one by one as I flew up. Something blocked me from continuing up the stairs, though, so I headed back down them still with the overly energetic feeling.

When I got to the bottom I encountered the woman again and there was a rocker recliner. Under it were two children, a boy and a girl. I reached under to get them, feeling attracted to them for some reason. I remember the woman said something to me but I don’t remember what now. I grabbed the young boy and pulled him out, telling him it was okay. He came close to the other child, a little girl who was his sister, and licked her face. I remember thinking it was funny and told him to lick me. He licked me and then I licked him but did so in his mouth. It was very strange. It was not a kiss but an actual lick. I could taste the inside of his mouth. This grossed me out at some level and it brought me back to my body as I was rejecting the scene entirely.

by

Wasp Nests – March, 2014

Another week at my new job and I think I am finally getting use to my new schedule and the demands of the job. The balance has been hard to come by, though. Sleep has been little but the last couple of days I have played catch up and feel well rested this morning.

Warning

I slept very deeply last night until my third wakening to use the restroom. When I got back into bed I saw that it was 3:30am and knew instantly that I would have trouble going back to sleep. I had a nagging feeling and knew my guides were signaling me to communicate with them. I had felt this signal prior to going to bed and had considered doing self-healing but opted to use my downtime reading. At 3:30am it seemed my guides had had enough of me delaying listening to them and so I did in fact toss and turn rather than go back to sleep.

In my frustration I finally asked them what was up. I ran into a guide that I am not familiar with, at least not consciously. I did, however, know to call him “Michael”, which surprised me. He was reminding me of the dream I had not long ago that forewarned me of this baby coming earlier than expected. I asked him why he was bringing it up and he said, “To prepare you”. I did not like that answer and it scared me. Fear is not a good thing to have when communicating with one’s guides so the rest of the information I got I will not share since I cannot guarantee the accuracy of it (too much fear on my part). However, I cannot ignore the messages I have been getting in my dreams or the feeling that I have had with this pregnancy from the beginning.

Running into the Past

I tried to go back to sleep but my guides continued to stay close. I had/have four of them around me but Michael was the most prominent. I asked to OBE or to at least get some sleep. I contemplated just getting up but it felt so good lying in bed that I eventually drifted off to sleep around 4:20am.

I found myself in a semi-lucid dream. I was in a bedroom that was unfamiliar and sitting on a bed with fluffy pillows and a plush comforter. I recall the colors were brownish and the room was dark.

I was in and out of lucidity throughout the dream. I believe that is why I was in bed in the dream as I was struggling to remain as conscious as possible and not succeeding completely. I recall talking with a man and the more I spoke with him, the more I recalled who he was. He appeared to be an ex-boyfriend of mine and I was happy to see him. I had been not so nice to this man when I was with him and I was apologetic. All I wanted to do was hug him and pull him close. I recall him being resistant but I convinced him to just hug me and get close. It was nice to be near him.

While I was hugging him I felt to be in two places. One in the bedroom and the other in a different place, a plain room with no furniture where I would talk with my guides. In this instance I was semi-lucid and we discussed my current lessons in life. I explained that I was not interested in graduating high school – I had already done that. I was told I did not have to go to school. I asked if I could skip for the day and was told I could. When told this I immediately became happier and more relaxed.

Then the scene shifted and my guide became my ex and he was taking me to a restaurant for breakfast. It was an old, white house. I thanked him for his generosity but the restaurant was closed. He then asked if I would take a picture of him in front of it and I instantly knew it was haunted. I took some photos and two older woman came by commenting on the place. I recall seeing images flash in front of my eyes of two older woman and thinking about the haunted house.

Then the scene shifted and I was back in the bedroom. I was sitting on the bed with my ex and began to think about my other ex’s. I struggled to remember them but did remember the face of one and watched as my ex’s face turned into the face of the ex I couldn’t remember the name of. I sat there confused for a moment. What man was I with now?? I thought of my ex-husband and knew he was not who I was with but could not for the life of me remember my current husband and father of my children! This concerned me and I got flustered. Why did I have amnesia??

Wasp Nests

Eventually I did remember my current husband but it took a lot of focus within the dream to do so. Once I remembered him I was transported to yet another scene. This time I was in the back yard of my Mom’s house, or what appeared to be her yard. I was talking with a guide who morphed into my current husband and then back again more than once. I was talking to him about yard work and we came upon three large, red wasp nests. They were not the normal wasp nests. Rather than being up high in a tree they were anchored to the ground and appeared like small trees. I remember thinking we needed to kill them but then was shocked to see that there was so many new wasps. Recognizing they had multiplied since we last tried to kill them I told my husband we needed to do something about them. I recall feeling a bit overwhelmed by the task at hand and thought about using a long pole to remove the nests. I eventually gave up, though, because there were so many nests and wasps.The feelings I had towards the wasps was avoidance and distaste.

Interpretation

Considering the feelings I was having when I had the above dreams, I am not surprised that I had encounters with my past and the feared red wasp. I was feeling pretty anxious about life in general when I fell asleep and so the fear likely permeated my dreams.

A red wasp in one’s dream symbolizes fear, anger and negative feelings in general. The wasps were not bothering me nor were they chasing me, which is good. I was merely watching them from a distance. Since I had tried to exterminate them in the past unsuccessfully it suggests that the wasps are connected to a long-standing issue. The wasps are also multiplying, which suggests that the problem is not only unresolved but getting worse.

Since I was with my current husband watching the wasps and their nests I believe the issue to be directly linked to my marriage. There have been some long-standing issues in my marriage for a while now and I admit I have not done much to resolve them. Recently my husband and I had a disagreement and it is likely that this was coming out in my dreams. I have been worrying over the argument since it occurred and have been having feelings of anger and resentment resurface. Wasps are symbolic of my feelings resurfacing.

I am also very familiar with the school symbolism that came up. I have been considering taking a break from working but have instead continued to work despite my dissatisfaction with my work in general. I had hoped that being a counselor would help that but my exhaustion lately and the paperwork that has been my priority has not been as fulfilling as I had hoped it would be. With a new baby very soon to be joining our family I have been anxious about finances and despite wanting to stay home with my baby and just “be” for a while, I am terrified of what it might mean for us financially. It especially upsets me when my husband wants to spend more than we have and I struggle with trusting him to be the sole financial provider for the family.

It is obvious to me that I need to devote time to building trust in my husband. I feel this is more a past-life issue that is resurfacing than a present time one and is one of my life lessons. Part of me wants to take the plunge and force myself to trust him by quitting work for a time and letting him take over for a while. I am overwhelmed and really just need a good rest. However, I know better than to push myself into such a situation as I tend to overreact and it can lead to bad things. I have to find a balanced way to confront this in my life.

Why is it so hard to put trust in someone else?

by

Red Canary – May, 2014

Red Canary

I was not expecting to astral this morning when I awoke yet again at 5a.m. As usual, I was not able to sleep because of all my considerations about everything that is going on in my life. At one point, though, I remember thinking to myself, “I don’t care”.

The next thing I remember, I was having a conversation with myself while laying in my familiar childhood bedroom. Basically, I was still mulling over the things going on in my life – selling and buying a house, going back to work, my family, etc. I recall having a conversation with someone about everything but cannot remember the specifics of it. I do recall hearing numbers. First it was 24 then it was 5 and 12. In the background I could hear the sounds of a television playing in the living room. I even could make out what was being said and knew the name of the show playing though I can’t remember it now.

At one point I opened my eyes for a moment but they felt heavy from sleep. When I began looking around I saw this tiny, red bird right in front of me, probably about two feet away. From his looks, he appeared to be a canary. He was sitting in the branches of a bush or tree and didn’t see me. I turned to take a closer look, knowing that when I turned it could startle him. He did in fact startle and flew right into my face. I closed my eyes and could feel the touch of his feathers and body up against my face. I was in awe of the tiny bird – he was so vivid and beautiful – yet I was a bit confused. Why was there a bird in my room? And why was he sitting in a bush or tree in my room? Confused, I wondered whether I was asleep or awake and finally thought to myself, “I’m awake”.

Still not completely convinced that I was awake and my experience was not an OBE, I got up out of bed and headed toward my bedroom window. My eyes were not open but heavy with sleep and still closed. As I made my way to the window I noticed how solid I felt which convinced me even more that this experience must be real, I must be awake. At that point I was able to open my eyes and again there was this tiny, red bird right in front of me. It flew towards me and I ducked to avoid it. Again I was amazed at its beauty and how tiny, perfect and vivid it was.

Still convinced this was a waking experience, I headed toward the window and opened it. Then I pushed out the screen and attempted to go out of it. This is one of my favorite things to do when I exit my old bedroom while in astral. Outside the window is a pool and I love to jump in and swim underwater. I think I must have been on auto-pilot or something considering that is the first thing I wanted to do. But I was still unsure if I was asleep or awake. When I jumped out of the window I got scared because I knew I would fly out and into the pool and I worried I would drown. To my relief, I felt my feet solidly hit the ground but I changed my mind because of my fear of drowning and went back into the room.

Inside the room I must have crawled back into bed and fallen asleep for a little bit. Then I was awakened by voices. My Mom was telling me that the kids to include my brother would be leaving soon on a trip and that they would leave in the morning and return in the evening and do this for 10 days. She was explaining the details of it to me and called my husband by the wrong name – she used my ex’s name. This confused me and I remember thinking something was not right. When she said my ex’s name, a picture flashed in my head of people in sexual positions (no genitals showing or anything, just naked). I remembered how my ex liked to watch porn sometimes and I got the thought in my head that I need to watch some (really not like me as I don’t do that sort of thing!).

Not long after that I again began to question whether I was awake or asleep. Not convinced anymore that I was awake, though I kept saying to myself, “This is too real, I must be awake”, I headed out of the room. I could feel my feet hit the floor. Solid. I opened the door to the room and could feel the knob in my hand as it turned and the force of the door as I pushed it open. Solid. Yet I must have known it was not true because I decided to try to fly once I left the room. The doubt was there but I pushed past it and up I went without any effort. I was in fact asleep.

Recognizing finally that I was asleep and out of body, I flew towards the front door. Suddenly bright light flooded my vision. I had thought my eyes were closed! As I was able to see I could see the front door of my Mom’s house and saw that it was a beautiful day outside. I grabbed the door handle which I noted was exactly as it is in real life, and went outside.

The outside opened up with such clarity and brightness that had I been in a body I would have had to shield my eyes. I scanned the outside from left to right noting the abundance of trees and the lack of a road or side buildings. The trees, I noticed, had no leaves; completely barren. They were also very scrawny and of a specific type, what we call “post oaks”. They have small trunks and have whitish-gray bark that flakes off. The visual the scene gave was that of a ghost town of trees. Very desolate.

Though I noted the desolation of the scene I did not consciously concern myself with it. Instead I was searching for something. I wanted to find others. I wanted to experience astral sex (really this is not like me either!). I floated upward thinking of how I could find a partner. Since my vision was so clear I decided to look down at my hands. I could see them clearly but they had no familiar glow. They just looked normal. I knew I would not find anyone where I was so I decided to find or make a portal. Not knowing where to find one I figured I would manifest one, so I yelled out, “Portal”, hoping one would manifest in front of me. When none did, I felt an urge to go upward into space. Knowing that in the past moving up towards space has result in me shifting into another scene, I allowed myself to go up. Unfortunately, when I blacked out I did not open my eyes in a new astral scene. Instead I awoke in my bed.

Happiness and Harmony

According to dreammoods.com, a canary symbolizes “happiness and harmony” . It can also mean that there exists a desire for a relationship or that “a new relationship is blossoming”. I have never seen a canary in a dream or OBE, so this is interesting to me. The fact that the canary is red seems linked specifically to the root chakra and the energy it represents. In this specific instance I began to seek out astral sex after seeing the red canary, indicating that his red color is likely an indicator that I need to work on opening my root chakra.

In my case, I believe the canary symbolism is promising. Perhaps I am getting a message that happiness and harmony are in the making? Or perhaps the canary represents for me a longing to recreate or newly create upon my relationship with my husband. I think it might be both as they both ring true to me.

The Root Chakra

This morning’s experience awakened an interest in me about the root chakra. How much do I really know about this chakra? How often do I really work on it? Not often. In fact, I have been drawn to meditation and the ones that have been resonating with me are about opening the root chakra. Not a coincidence I’m sure.

I found a great explanation about the root chakra here. In reading through the site’s description of the root chakra I found this section interesting, especially when considering my own life and the emotions I have been feeling lately:

The root chakra is about you and life. It is not about mommy, honey, the tribe, identification, the tsunami victims, starving-people-in-third-world-countries – none of that.  It is only you and survival.  People who have open root chakras love their lives – love their physical incarnation in their present bodies.  People who pine away for heaven, future happiness, moksha; people who wish they were somewhere else (be it physically or in some allegorical way) define themselves as root chakra impaired.  So do people who are angry, fearful, cynical, distrustful, frustrated, envious, jealous, stingy – the list goes on.

The root chakra is all about food, air, water, shelter, power and physical health.  The ultimate root chakra failure is suicide – the ultimate root chakra success is empowerment and love of life.

And, of course, one of the specific body systems the root chakra is associated with are the reproductive organs. Considering I just had a baby and a major surgery that cut into my uterus, I am not surprised that I am dreaming of things which would help to open my root chaka. It is my experience that while in astral, those who are seeking out or having astral sex are working to unblock this very important chakra.