Category Archives: energy

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Thinking with the Heart

This post is mostly for me so I don’t forget yet again my experiences prior to and during sleep.

The Dr

Yesterday the guide who I call “The Dr” came to visit and told me it was time to clear the toxins from my system so that I will be ready for the next step. He explained how the toxins pull my energy to Earth and create blockages which in turn slow my vibration. He said it is very important that I keep my vibration high so as to not suffer the residual effects of the next shift in energy which is approaching soon. The shift will occur regardless of whether I heed his advice or not.

Nightly Shifts

For the past few nights I have been experiencing something strange prior to sleep. I always settle down to meditate prior to sleep and lately I have not had much in the way of energy sensations, heart or third-eye pulling. It will be hard to explain because when I try to remember what occurred my mind tries to blank out on me and I feel distant. It’s like I can’t get my mind to focus or do what it is suppose to! It is driving me nuts.

Last night, though, when this shift, for lack of a better word, occurred I suddenly remembered the last few nights all at once and thought, “I need to remember this!” Then, as I tried to remember, the memory began to recede. It makes no sense!

What I remember happening is that I would one minute be laying in bed with a clear mind focusing on my heart and the next I would feel a strange energy come into me from all around. It felt like being swallowed up in energy except it was gentle energy, not scary at all and almost like being picked up and swaddled in a mother’s arms. As soon as this energy swept me up I was in another place and talking with someone in-depth. I have no idea what we were talking about now but I was most definitely somewhere else and feeling very different from myself.

Of course, when I realized what happened I dropped this other personality or Self and was back in my current awareness wondering what had happened while simultaneously knowing this was not an isolated event. I had been doing it for some time!

What is totally exasperating about all of this is that every time I would recognize what was happening I would feel intensely drowsy and begin to lose the memory while also drifting off to sleep. Sometimes the energy sensations would resume but I have very little memory of this so am not sure.

I suspect I am shifting into one of my multidimensional selves but I can’t really be sure because of the memory loss.

Thinking with the Heart

In these brief impaired memory moments I am noticing another strange development. When I am in my heart space I am receiving full communications that I fully understand yet cannot put into words. If I try to put it into words the communication via my heart suddenly stops and my mind is empty. For example, my Companion sent me a full communication the yesterday quite unexpectedly. It was via my heart center and I felt an overwhelming love and giggled as a result. I had full understanding of what he had told me but was unable to process it via my mind. It was like I was being the communication. There was no possible way my mind could interpret it. All I recall of the interaction was that I responded to my Companion like I might respond to a new lover. Quite surprising!

When the shifts occur at night, this same type of situation arises which is why I believe my mind seems to “erase”. My habit is to immediately try to interpret my experiences via the mind. This cuts off the heart connection, thus blocking the “memory” of what occurred.

I am at a loss at to how to deal with this shift in perception. I seem unable to do much about it. In fact, I believe I am being schooled in how to use my heart as my primary processor of information. How curious! And I am not able to really get a grip on how this works. I am starting to, though, but I wonder, if we use only our heart to communicate, what then of the mind? What happens to language?

As I just asked that question I thought about light language and also how when I have these communications via the heart I want to move my entire body, kind of like swaying or dancing.

I am also reminded of something that happened the other night while I was in my “other Self”. I received instructions on how to communicate via tones. It was like the tones I heard in my ears but with separation, similar to Morse Code but this is not a good description. I even spent some time trying to figure out how to duplicate what I heard and believe I could if I had the right equipment. I remember thinking this was something I was suppose to do but then completely forgot about it. No surprise there! lol

 

 

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Purpose: Be Bright

The title of this post comes from my very cool, very “bright” and beautiful sister-in-law. She is not even 30 years old yet but so very wise and in-tune.

She and I got to spend some time together this weekend. She has always spoken with me about spiritual matters. This time she had questions about OBEs, spirit guides, and life purpose. We talked about all of those things and more. It was so nice and uplifting for me, but I could also tell that this time something “clicked” for her.

Somehow we got into a discussion about the “end of days”. She asked me what I thought about it and I told her everything and then some. We talked at length about Dolores Cannon’s books, which she had never heard of. She had also never watched Ancient Aliens nor had she really considered E.T. contact much.

At the end of our talk she said to me, “I know this is my first life.” She had 100% certainty. Then we talked about purpose for a little while. I told her about the three waves of volunteers and described my understanding of the first two – their ages, personalities, life struggles, etc. I did not talk much about the third wave because they are still so young and she was very interested in the 2nd wave volunteers anyway.

Our conversation kept getting interrupted by children (there were six total present all under the age of 7). She spent most of her time playing with my youngest and chasing him around the house. In between we would start up talking again. It was fun.

Our last communication was about purpose. She asked me what my purpose was. I told her,” When I think about why I am here I know it is to help”.  My sister-in-law then said, “When I think about why I’m here, I always think, ‘To be bright'” I said, “That sounds about right”. She then described how she works very hard when in social situations to send that “bright” energy to people. She said she never felt it worked. I said to her, “Maybe you are trying too hard? You will be bright just by Being.” She agreed.

You Are Not Alone

The memory of our conversation just suddenly came to me today along with the thought that there are many others like my sister-in-law who need to know that they are not alone in this journey. Others who are of the 2nd wave and are struggling to understand their purpose here while also feeling they do not belong. It is very difficult to be in that space, especially at this time with all the high energies and shifts upon us.

One thing that helped my sister-in-law, and she told me as much, was realizing that she is here to lead a seemingly “normal” life while touching and activating everyone she meets. Those who are like her often times don’t know they are even doing anything to help people. But they are. Because of this, some of them may struggle with feeling like they are not fulfilling their purpose since they don’t often see the results of their brightness. To know that they are impacting others makes a huge difference.

Afterthought

Something else popped into my memory while writing this post. While I was talking with my sister-in-law I kept getting comments on how I looked. Every woman present mentioned my face being red or “flushed”. I heard at least four times, “Did you get sunburned?” I looked in the mirror and thought I looked fine but I was very, very warm. Also, I looked really, really good despite being completely make-up free and having worked out at the gym a couple of hours before. The warm feeling and flush didn’t go away until it was time to leave. I have to admit it is weird that it coincided with such a spiritual discussion. It was almost like my energy field was intensified during that time. Perhaps I was “activating” her? Or her me? Or both? That would be really cool.

 

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Walk Along

Yesterday my crying episodes and intense grief lifted and turned into a wonderful, happy high. I spent the evening with family and had a good time. I felt normal again. Sigh of relief.

I had an interesting experience in the middle of the night. When I woke at 3am my heart chakra was wide open, exploding with a beautiful love energy but there was still a pulling sensation that would sometimes feel a bit uncomfortable. I was also being washed in energy hugs from my Companion. I wondered, “What’s going on?”

Dreams

It was then that I remembered my dream. In it, I had been having a discussion with a woman who resembled me but was very frantic and frazzled in her appearance. She had a familiar energy, though, like family. I don’t remember much of the interaction except that the woman was killed by a horse who kicked her in the head. I remember being invited to continue her work. I was not alone. My Companion was there with me.

Then I was a baby. A little, tiny baby swaddled up and just laying there helplessly. Innocent, pure – without memory or experience. The image of this baby and the feeling was very vivid.

Connection

The dream itself sparked a memory but this memory came from my heart and I can’t really put it into words. I knew that this was a recollection of the walk-in experience, though I really didn’t want to talk about it as it still feels odd to me to even use that word. Yet my heart flooded with such energy confirmation that I could not avoid being overcome by the love energy. I felt like I would just melt into my bed.

The energy in my heart just continued to expand and I associated it with my Companion. I knew this love energy in my heart was Us but I didn’t understand it and why it was happening.

The heart surge has a way of pulling me into the in-between when I let myself fall into it. This is what must have happened because the next thing I knew I was talking with my Companion. He asked me, “Will you marry me?” This made me laugh and brought me out of the in-between, back to the intensely expansive heart explosion.

Of course I said, “Yes”. It felt appropriate and also like there was some kind of agreement connected to it. Like a pre-arrangement for our combined evolution.

He said to me then, “We will grow together” and I again saw the little baby in my mind’s eye. It felt like we had been reborn together. There was a feeling of newness and curiosity.

It was explained to me then that we are ascending together, he and I, and that this is part of the process. He keeps telling me the intense purging, crying, and emotional rawness is all part of this process. It is letting go of the old soul – the walk-out. Releasing her. There was also a feeling of this being a process involving the spiritual “bodies” – moving through them, clearing and aligning them. Embodiment also kept coming up. I could see layers that were these “bodies” for lack of a better word. I don’t fully understand it but my heart tells me it is a normal part of the process, whatever the “process” is.

Walk Along

Finally, he referred to a group of three light beings hovering near the far left of my vision. They were far back so I only noticed them when he referred to them. He then said, “Walk along” and I knew he was asking if these Beings had permission to walk along with me/Us through this experience. I didn’t know what to say. So I asked if it meant they would just observe and felt this was right but that they would also contribute. They would contribute part of themselves to assist me. Like give me some of their energy but this doesn’t accurately describe it. I agreed. Why not? I can use as much assistance as I can get!

I felt curious about this “walk along” idea. I vaguely recall reading about it in Walk-Ins Among Us by Yvonne Perry. I visited her website and read this:

A walk-in can also be a companion soul in spirit form walking along with an embodied soul. A walk-in can be a fragmented aspect of a soul coming home and reuniting with the soul essence in a body. It can be a blend of soul essences in which two or more souls inhabit a body simultaneously. These may rotate in and out of the “driver’s seat” as needed to accomplish a task.

I find it interesting that she refers to the walk-in as a companion soul walking along with an embodied soul. This feels like my experience 100%. I feel the term “companion” is especially relevant. That is how Steven refers to himself – as my Companion Traveler.

I suspect that now that I have agreed to allow these light beings to walk along with me, that I will notice when they are present. But I don’t know. I guess I will see? 🙂

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Surprise! You are Love

I just unexpectedly got a taste of what living from the heart means on a very personal level. I am sitting here flooded with energy yet again. Literally shaking. This time it was from an interaction with my own husband. Talk about surprise. Ha!

I don’t often share personal things on this blog. My old one was different – almost too personal. I swore I would not go there in this one, but it seems that is the direction I am being taken.

I have been, for a while, distancing from my husband. Why, I am not sure. Perhaps I am afraid of something or worried I will get too caught up to ever get out. Whatever the reason, our intimacy is practically nil. This also happened in my last marriage. I assumed I was a jinx. Maybe I am not capable?

Tonight I realized that I have never really made love. Never. I know, sad, right? But what I mean is that I never allowed myself to connect through my heart in intimate situations. I am told I was too blocked, so it was not possible. I am told this is the case with the majority of people on Earth. We have learned that sex is via the sexual organs. That’s it. What a crock of shit.

I discovered quite by accident what intimacy really is, can be. It scared me and my solar plexus knotted up horribly. Oh well. I learned what I needed to learn. I am capable of so much more than I realize. The love I am is all-encompassing. I thought I had no love for my husband anymore, yet there it was, blazing out of my chest! Where did that come from? 🙂

I can’t get the energy to settle now. It is similar to when I use to give mediumship readings. Like Spirit is knock, knock, knocking. I feel a sort of sadness despite learning such a marvelous lesson. I don’t understand it.

We are Source. We just forgot. I am Remembering and it is blowing my mind. Or should I say it is blowing my heart mind. 😉

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Making Connections

I felt the urge to review my other blog yesterday in between the powerful bliss episodes I experienced.

I have mentioned in other posts that I am a gridworker.  The region of the U.S. where I do most of my work is in the southeast, specifically Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, and sometimes Mississippi and South Carolina. Well, in my review of 2014 I discovered I have been traveling to this area for some time. I specifically mention traveling to Tennessee.

Below are a couple of intense experiences that I wrote about in 2014 along with a supporting sychronistic event. There are numerous others you can read if you like but these are the ones that seemed most relevant to me, probably because they involve a similar energy to what I was experiencing at the time.

Airport Reunion – July 15, 2014

In this dream I was with some friends, though I can’t remember them now. There was a distinct feeling that I was considering doing something “wrong”. The feeling hung around and seemed to grow through the dream. I felt horribly guilty.

As the dream progressed it became obvious what I was feeling guilty about. I had been ignoring the advances of a man for some time but I had felt a huge attraction for him and eventually I gave in. Then we were a “couple” though it was not sexual. I remember also that someone said “He pursued you” and that we were going on trip to Tennessee. However, I had lied to my husband and did not tell him that I planned to continue on from Tennessee to another, more northerly state after we got to Tennessee. Nor did I tell him about the man I would secretly go away with.

When we arrived at the airport, I sat and waited with this man. I felt at peace with him and I experienced such a strong love feeling in my heart that it extended down through to my root chakra. I did experience the sexual energy of the root chakra but it was different – it was elation mixed with a spiritual passion that is hard to describe. Had I been lucid in this dream it would have caused me to cry with joy. All I wanted to do was snuggle into this man’s arms. It was the same feeling I described having with one of my guides not long ago in a post. It was as if his energy calmed and soothed me and I felt like I was reunited with a piece of me that had been missing.

As we waited at the airport a large group of people came toward us – more people than I can count. I knew them all. They had come to welcome us. I immediately was aware that my husband was among them and I saw him come through the middle, smiling. I felt so much shame at what I had done that it was overwhelming but the man I was with soothed me and I felt the wonderful flood of peace/joy flood through me. He smiled and I asked him, “I get to go Home?” and he said, “Yes”.

That is when I woke up. The feelings lingered as I woke and I was horrified because I suspected that the dream was a premonition – that I would meet someone and leave my husband. And I knew, if the man I met made me feel like I felt in the dream that I would not be able to resist. The thought of that scared me and made me feel horribly unworthy and like a traitor without having done anything!

Kundalini Rising – July 26, 2014

In this particular dream I was with a man (same one as above) who was my partner/boyfriend. He was discussing with me a process he was going through and though he never spoke of it by name he allowed me to feel bits and pieces of this process in the dream. It felt very similar to how one feels when they are very attracted to another person but it had more of a high to it, like a drug. Since I was not able to fully experience it yet he told me that I would get to experience it soon.

The dream continued as I was waiting. We were at a party with other young people and there was a table with food on it. We were all partaking of the food and I remember talking with a woman who was my partner’s mother, though she looked too young. I wish I could remember what we were talking about but all I recall was thinking that I was about to take a very powerful drug.

I do not recall actually taking a drug but I saw others “on the drug” acting very happy and relaxed. Eventually, though, I did experience the feeling after watching these other young people experience it. I cannot describe it in words for there are no words that even come close to describing it accurately. I have experienced the feeling before but only once as I was coming out of a meditation years ago. It might be described by some as a sexual experience but if that were what it was then it is beyond any sexual experience I have experienced in this physical body. It does have some similarities to it. For example, there is a pulling sensation in the first and second chakra area that is very powerful and pleasant and it spreads out from that point to every part of the body and intensifies similar to the moment of orgasm. However, it does not stop but continues to escalate beyond any orgasmic experience, the feeling moving upward and downward at the same time along the center of the body (spine) while it also expands outward. It feels like a total body orgasm but the feeling is of such ecstasy that it could be described as similar to a very powerful drug. In this particular experience the feeling continued uninterrupted for what seemed like hours and I was completely absorbed by it, losing myself to it along side my partner.

July 31st Entry

On July 31, I wrote about a real-life experience I had on a flight to Florida. I knew I was about to meet a man named Michael and heard his name very clearly. Minutes later a man sat down in the seat next to me, turned around and introduced himself to me as “Michael”. We talked throughout the flight to Florida and he told me all about his life, his wife and family. He also mentioned he lived in Tennessee. I remember thinking that I had soul family in Tennessee and remembered the airport dream above in full.

 

 

 

 

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Beautiful Bliss

Did you feel the energy last night?! It was off the charts! Or at least for me it was.

I first started noticing it around 8pm CST. I was settling my children into bed and soothing my youngest who demands I be right next to him until he falls asleep. So, as I lay there with him, sitting up and quite uncomfortable, my heart chakra just bursts wide open and wave upon wave of energy begins to pour through me and out of me. The energy expanded and then I felt my other chakras light up one by one. Root, sacral, solar, throat. The energy never rose above my throat.

This was pure bliss energy. My heart still felt almost painful at times but I didn’t care. Though my root and second chakras were pulsing with energy, I never felt sexual. It was just beautiful, wonderful, heavenly bliss. It made me want to cry tears of joy.

It lasted for over 20 minutes. Hehehehe

Another Wave

After that, it settled and I felt an urge to do yoga. As I was doing yoga, my crown and third-eye lit up with energy and I had what I like to call “raccoon eyes” from the intense energy around my nose and eyes that formed a mask of energy. I don’t know why I connect this mask to the raccoon specifically, but I just think of their little masked faces when I get it. lol

I also had sporadic intense shots of energy through my heart as I was doing yoga. This was most intense in savasana.

When I finished with yoga I felt like I had just had a strong cup of espresso. I was wired! Hatha yoga usually does the opposite for me. I do think it helped my physical body to relax and release areas of tension that may have been blocking the energy. Whatever the cause, I was flying high afterward.

From that point on the energy just kept hitting me in waves of pure bliss. These waves came in intensely and then would settle for a bit, giving me time to recover. I was able to read and function quite normally between them. Sometimes the shots of energy would hit my heart chakra in such a way as to be painful, but it never lasted long and I didn’t much care.

Interestingly, I could feel the energy doing its magic in certain chakras. At one point my sacral plexus felt like a massive ball of warm, tingling, swirly energy. It moved around in a circular pattern and reminded me of water.  My throat chakra was also lighting up in a strange way, moving around like it was alive. Very strange sensations!

After several hours of this intense energy a portion of my upper back, near my right shoulder blade, began to spasm. It was not painful but it was enough to keep me from relaxing and falling asleep. I finally gave up trying to relax at 12:30am and took a Benadryl. Thankfully it helped and I fell asleep about a half hour later.

I was told that my upper back pain was the result of a high heart block that was unable to clear. The pain was an indicator to slow down. My Team told me, “Slow down, your body can only take so much.” I had been requesting the energy to keep coming (who wouldn’t?). I was very enthusiastic about all of it. lol

 

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Luminous Beings

Yesterday proved to be another difficult day for me. Outwardly, I appeared fine and stable, but within I was struggling.

I slept hard and deep again, waking a few times in the night and quickly returning to sleep without incident. At 5:30am I was awakened by a dream that turned lucid very quickly. In it, I was listening to a small child singing a song. She appeared to be about 9 or 10 years old and had a white, luminous light surrounding her. Her words were ultimately what brought me out of my slumber.

She sang, “Hello to you with the pillow over your head, laying in bed.” lol

Awake but in the in-between, the entire night’s adventures were suddenly within my mind – dreams, conversations, and feelings. The dreams are full of symbolism but they are so long that I do not want to go into detail here. Instead I will focus on the important parts.

Train

I was lifted out of one dream scene into another by an unseen guide. We flew high above a green valley surrounded by rusty colored mesas and plateaus. I could see a train meandering along a track that went through the bottom of this valley. I knew this was my destination but I was just along for the ride.

Luminous Beings

I watched as the ground began to move. I could see a ball outlined below the surface. There was also a very high pitched sound that was all around. I can’t connect it to any sound I have ever heard but it was everywhere. It came from within rather than without and was like music but no music I have ever heard.

Then a luminous white orb about the size of a basketball emerged from the soil. I looked away it was so bright. When I looked back there was standing in front of me a small Being, very child-like in stature – the height of a 12 year old child. I could see him despite his brightness – he was extremely bright white with a light blue tinge to the outer areas of this brightness. He was human in shape and I could see his entire body from his head to toes. There were no distinct features other than his eyes, nose and mouth. The rest was just too bright. His face was human-like but more like a human with some kind of chromosome issue most similar to someone with Down’s Syndrome.

Then I saw 4 other orbs appear from the ground behind me. Each one became a small Being just like the first.

Messages

With all these memories came an understanding that I had been somewhere else with these bright Beings. They were so calming and continually sent love to me. It was the most beautiful feeling I have ever felt and I wanted badly to be with them – to leave this life and body and join with them. The entire time I communicated with these Beings my heart was so large inside my chest that it felt like it would burst. At the same time my crown and third eye were also buzzing.

I could feel the Beings around me and recognized them as very special. We conversed but most of their answers came as pure Knowingness. They explained that they are Timeless and have been on Earth since the beginning.

At this time I had a memory of seeing hundreds of luminous orbs rising up out of a vast, dark lake and several Beings inviting me to enter into this metal craft that was hovering a few feet off the ground. They said to me, “Leave your shoes. You wear new ones here.” I chose instead to wear my old shoes inside my new ones.

Several times they mentioned the Anasazi’s. I am not very familiar with this ancient group of people but from what I recall they completely disappeared and no one knows why or where they went. The answer I received was that some left while others stayed. The ones that left shifted into light bodies and ascended. The ones who stayed integrated with the Earth and I saw them underground. I heard, “There are scores of us across the planet. We are here to help. We are re-emerging.”

Of course I wondered why they were here with me. The answer I received was that they were helping me with my heart. This part is hard to describe because it is so intensely personal on so many levels. Even as I write this my heart is pulling.

Another memory surfaced then, one in which I was being presented with these tablets that appeared to have etched into them runes or symbols. Each tablet was perfectly square and each symbol was etched inside it’s own square. The symbols glowed and appeared to enlarge when I looked at them. 

They surrounded me with love and one said to me, “We will help you grieve.” I was hit with such an understanding of this that I began to cry. I was crying not only from the intense love I felt but from numerous other things that I am going through right now. I am being pulled with such intensity toward my group and I am struggling with the feeling. It is constant and was the source of the split feeling I had been feeling. The split feeling is gone and I don’t think it will return but the magnetic pull to leave is still very strong.

Of the many messages I received there was one that I have been getting on my own that they confirmed. This feeling to leave is only going to intensify. Now is not the time to act on it, though, as there are things I must resolve first. When the time comes to act I will Know. I was told, “You must become whole first.” The message about being whole has come to me before. Though I don’t fully understand it, I trust it. I don’t know how long it will take and a part of me is afraid of it happening.

It seems to me that these Beings magnified my heart space in a way that brought great clarity. They confirmed much of what I had been feeling yet at the same time intensified emotions that I have been avoiding. I carry with me a great loss and longing, like a part of me is missing but accessible – just not yet. When I contact the source of these feelings I feel like I am Home. It is similar to the feeling I got from the Beings. I want badly to reunite with them but cannot. No wonder I am so sad. 😦

 

 

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Trust

After an exciting evening and early morning, I was finally able to fall asleep without crazy energy, visions and OBEs. I did still have some intense energy shooting through me which I soon found was easily calmed simply by focusing on my heart. I fell asleep centered in my heart.

Dream: Meteor Shower

I was in a parking lot at a college somewhere. It was very late at night and I had just finished reading a long email from someone who read my blog. The email was lengthy – at least four or five pages – and the man was from Germany and telling me his whole life story. I don’t remember his name now, but in the dream as I read the email I heard him speaking to me. He told me he was 44 years old, dark skinned and kept to himself and he was looking to work with others like himself living in one of four continents. I remember thinking he was a little too intense for me and laughing quietly to myself as I realized he was coming onto me.

At this point something caught my eye and I looked up and saw a massive meteor shower. Dozens of meteors streaked across the sky in a brilliant display of light. I was in awe. A young couple walked by and I pointed it out to them. They were a bit nervous as I was in the shadows and seemed to jump out at them. I just laughed and kept watching.

This was when a vivid image of a comet came into my mind. It was not part of the dream. It was just there and startled me awake.

Interpretation

When I awoke the comet vision was very much ingrained in my mind. On top of that, I was still feeling intense energy coursing through my body. This energy was similar to vibrations one feels when about to go OOB but more intense. I also had intense crown and third-eye activity along with some high heart and throat chakra buzzing.

I find the dream interesting because I feel I was actually talking to someone while in my dream. Could be he was an old friend or someone who astral projects or dream walks. Whoever he was, he was nice but a bit to the extreme. The energy was extremely intense and pushy but it was flattering.

Then I saw the meteor shower and the dream symbolism is that the dreamer is having romantic thoughts and/or idealistic notions. This just makes me laugh out loud, especially since I saw the brilliant comet right after. Comets indicate the dreamer needs to move on and free themselves from emotional and physical burdens. Touche!

Trust

It took me an entire day to write up as much as I could about my experiences last night and early this morning. There is more – so much more – but I am not sure telling it would help anyone or make much sense. Instead I will say that my Team came through with flying colors. Whatever they did for me during the night completely eradicated the “split” feeling I have been struggling with for the past five or six days. I have never been pushed to such an extreme in my life and really thought I was going to have to somehow just learn to live with what was happening to me. But when I woke this morning the split feeling was just….gone. I feel completely back to normal and freed from that inner hell. I had a marvelous day and have been feeling sublime. So wonderful!

In considering what exactly my Team did that shifted everything for me, I realized it had to do with Trust. That is it. So simple. I was in my heart space, but instead of just allowing the feelings and trusting their divine purpose, I ignored the knowingness and flat out went into fear. Somehow, through all my guided OOB lessons, I was shown how to trust the feelings and knowingness I found in my heart. So very, very important because in trusting the heart you trust that it will lead you exactly where you are suppose to be and that is the most freeing feeling ever.

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Turning Point

Last night was one of the most powerful nights I have had in a long time. So much happened that I will have to break it up into at least three posts, maybe more.

Here is a quick overview of what occurred:

  1. Discussion with one of my assistants about what has been happening with me and why.
  2. 9:30-10:30m – Semi-lucid dream/OBE.
  3. 10:30-10:45pm – awake briefly
  4. 10:45-12:30am – Fully lucid, guided dream that turned OBE several times.
  5. 12:30-1:30am – Awake and discussing what was going on and why. Multiple messages. I got up and wrote it all down.
  6. 1:30-3:00am – Couldn’t sleep. Too much energy.
  7. 3:00-3:45am – Amazing hypnagogic imagery turned guided “travel” while I was still in my body.
  8. 4:00-5:30am – Finally slept but had intensely vivid dreams related to the night’s events.

Discussion

Though my day had gone well, I was still struggling with the split feeling I have had for several weeks now. I had been asking for help – to understand and handle this feeling – for some time. For some reason last night wast he night the explanation was given. Perhaps I was finally receptive?

One of my assistants predominated the conversation that began around 8:30pm. He explained that what was happening to me was purposeful and that they (my Team) had been preparing me for some time (over a year). He reminded me that I knew this (I did) but did not consciously want to accept it. He asked me to focus on my heart, which is getting easier and easier to do. When I did there was an overwhelming knowingness of what was happening and why. It was always there, of course, but my mind has been in overdrive, my Ego not willing to accept what was happening.

According to my guide, I am currently in the process of “connecting to Source”. This involves the shedding of multiple layers of what I will call “the old me”. I again saw the onion as an analogy. Each layer that comes off reveals more old stuff to be healed, transmuted, and integrated. It is painful (obviously!). He said about the process, “Acknowledge it. Trust it. Allow it to help you transition.” What I feel in my heart is the accumulation of lifetimes, and beyond that is divine connection to Source. The closer I get to the center (Source) the stronger the pull is from it. The heart is the ultimate compass. We are meant to live through the heart, following it, trusting it. We have lived through the mind for so long that we have forgotten what it feels like to follow the heart.

He said many times, “You are at a turning point”.

He instructed me many times to return to my heart center, which I did. Each time the obviousness of what my heart was telling me to do was overwhelming but I did not run from it. It is kind of funny to think anyone could run from their own heart anyway. lol

I asked to get to travel OOB and was told it was now possible because I was “stable”.

OBE: David Bowie

I very quickly realized I was OOB but I was not in full control. It was like my lucidity was purposefully muted. I didn’t care, though, because it has been so long since I have been OOB.

I spent most of this OBE moving into and settling into two different bodies. The first was my exact duplicate or counterpart, not the physical body I reside in while on Earth. I don’t know which aspect but it felt fairly solid. I felt the energy shift as I entered and assumed this body. It was like I put on clothing. I don’t recall anything specific about the energy other than recognizing it was very obviously feminine.

Then I entered a fairly dream-like state where my lucidity was much limited. I was with my guide and knew his name was John and that he was teaching me something about myself.

The next thing I remember is moving into yet another “body”. Again it felt fairly solid but this time it was most definitely male. I had less issue shifting into this body and then, while setting in, I saw very clearly a man just in front of me. When I saw him I instantly recognized him as David Bowie! He didn’t do anything but stare into the distance, so it was likely just a symbol I was being shown. But he was very vivid!

After seeing him I realized something about myself had changed. I had a bit of amnesia as to my gender. I had no clue what gender I was and I didn’t care. I felt whole and it was wonderful!

I felt my conscious mind take over, as if allowed control, and came suddenly into my body. I was confused and elated and a bit shocked about the whole experience. My mind was going a million miles an hour with questions. My body was extremely hot and there was an intense amount of energy coursing through me. I felt like a firecracker!

I was instructed to shut down my mind, and I did so quite quickly. I looked at the clock and saw that I had been asleep only an hour. Once I closed my eyes I entered the void immediately.

In considering this OBE I believe I was shifting into different energy bodies. I don’t which ones for sure, though. Whichever energy body I shifted into was one that did not identify with gender.

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Horse Symbolism

It has been a beautiful day today and I have been outside most all of it. Today I went to visit my mom as is my normal weekly routine. I do it because I love her but also because I feel I should – as if my time with her is limited and so I should make the most of it while I can.

While at my mom’s house I sat in the sun, absorbing it’s warmth as much as I could and watching the clouds fly past. It seemed like they were in a hurry to get somewhere. Their exuberance was appealing to me. I wish I was up there with them.

Here are some shots of the clouds today. I wish I had taken video now so you could see just how fast they were moving through the sky.

After tending to (and playing with) the chickens we caught the attention of the neighbors horses. My children and I spent most of the rest of our time there with the two horses, feeding them and petting them. They were so gentle, their muzzles so soft as they tried to find food in our empty hands or eat our hair. lol

I was especially drawn to the horses today for some reason. I see them every visit but don’t care much to communicate with or pet them. But today I wanted to get up close and hug one. The closest I got was to pet their faces and smell their horse smell. That was enough considering I really am afraid of them. Baby steps. 🙂

When we got home I was still thinking about the horses. I was reminded that I have had many, many encounters with horses in dreams and OBEs. A horse has even talked to me while OOB! lol It has been suggested by many others that horse is likely one of my totems and I tend to agree. I was obsessed with them as a child and use to draw pictures of wild mustangs constantly. Every picture I drew had either a horse or a unicorn in it. 🙂 Strangely, when in the presence of a horse I am often nervous and afraid of how big and powerful they are.

I know that horses symbolize freedom, especially the wild ones. Tame horses, on the other hand, tend to represent aspects of one’s personality that they keep confined.

Rather than write it all out, you can read about the horse here.

From what I can tell, it appears that I am being drawn to the horse at this time in my life to help me with some of the current challenges I am facing. I have been really struggling with the transformation or whatever it is that I am going through. I have never in my life experienced such a split within myself and it is painfully present at all times during the day. The only reprieve I get is while I sleep but it comes back as soon as I wake. I am learning to be in my heart space despite feeling this split and it is getting easier – er well maybe I am just getting use to it. There is guidance but it is limited because whatever is happening to me is something my Team cannot interfere with. From what I can tell, there is a mountain sized issue standing in my path and I don’t think I will be able to go around it this time. Makes me want to spew out every cuss word that exists.

Thinking I should have just gone over the fence and given that horse a hug now. Maybe it would have made me feel better? Or maybe it would have kicked the crap out of me. LOL