Category Archives: Messages

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Class Resumes

I have been sleeping very deeply lately and my dreams have been numerous and vivid. Ever since I was told/knew that I would be taking a break from astral, I have not had any OBEs, though some of my dreams have been semi-lucid. Unfortunately, I do not remember many of my dreams. This could be because I am back to working and my schedule has reverted back to early morning risings and less leisure time. However, there is likely more to this phenomenon. There seems to be some learning going on in my dreams.

Back to School

This morning I actually had a dream that I remembered. I do not remember it very vividly but what I do remember is helping me recognize what is going on while I sleep.

In this particular dream I was with another woman and we were discussing psychology class. We also talked about how close I was to earning my degree – only one more class. In the dream I was telling her I had already taken psychology and was mentally listing all the classes I had taken in my head. In my mind I could see flashes of the textbooks and very vividly I saw Intro to Psychology and Sociology. I could not remember the names of the other courses but knew they were core courses and that I had taken them. I figured each class was 3 credits each and figured I needed 15 credits. Ultimately I only had one course left to take – 3 more credits. I did not feel excited about it, though. Instead I kept feeling that something was off. I knew that 15 credits was not enough to get a minor in a subject, which is what I was working towards. Yet as I tried to figure it out I could not get my thoughts together. It was like I was completely ignorant.

The dream shifted after this and I remember being in the midst of a Middle Eastern conflict. I was still at school, but the building and surroundings were unfamiliar. All around me were white buildings and sandy ground. The earth was barren and it was very obviously desert. There were men directing people, telling them when it was safe to cross from one building to the next. I was given the go ahead to cross but hesitated when I saw what was going on. Though I could see no enemy and the soldiers were dressed in civilian clothes, something made me cautious. I watched as groups of students crossed safely. Some even lingered for a while when no gun shots were fired. I stayed, looking around at my surroundings. The ground was made of packed dirt and the buildings were white. I saw a large bus full of children, so I walked over to it. The bus was also white. I went inside. This is when I was awakened by my daughter yelling excitedly.

lifeIntegration

My interpretation of these two dreams is that I am in the process again of taking in new knowledge. This is occurring simultaneously in my waking life and during my dreams. There is also an integration of this information that is on going.

I am somewhat aware of this integration when I am awake. For example, yesterday I was drawn to send energy and healing to a young girl who needed it. She was displaying signs of being overly anxious – fidgeting, bouncing her legs and looking down at the ground. I asked her Higher Self for permission, and although I mentally heard her scream out “No!”, I knew this was not her Higher Self but her fear of the unknown. When I sent energy, I imagined white energy pouring in through her crown chakra.   Within minutes of sending energy to her, she stopped fidgeting and began to relax. I stopped to see if her behavior would resume, and sure enough it did.

Then there are the unknown aspects of the lessons and integration of them. Though they begin as unknowns, they slowly rise to the surface as I notice their synchronicity. For example, I was drawn to read this book, “Seven Weeks to Forever” by Jennifer Farwell. I have not finished the book yet, but last night I could not stop thinking about how the main character knew so much about her own future and purpose. Specifically, she knew when she would die. I found it no coincidence that I recently was reminded that my own death is not too far off. My thoughts were immediately interrupted by my guide who reminded me that I could choose. And for a brief time I was calm and filled with knowingness and understood why my guides have been repeating the message to me, “Think about your life”. I recognized that my guide was right, I will be able to choose. Stay or go. I may not remember the moment when I make this decision but it will be presented to me. And so I contemplated it and thought, “I could do so much”, thinking about my new job and the girl I helped who was struggling with anxiety. I thought about how a coworker reached out to me to help him help others with anxiety. He brought up meditation and we have a meeting on Monday about it. I recognized this was no coincidence and that I have been presented with the ideal circumstances to fulfill my life’s purpose.

All these thoughts and realizations came together in mere seconds yet I felt as it I had been contemplating it all for days. And I had, though I was not aware of it. This moment of acute awareness and recognition of it all is the moment it integrates and becomes one with the me in this body. It is hard to explain, but if you experience you will understand. It is not an “ah-ha” moment, it is an “I know” moment. And it is instantaneous yet it has always been.

Another strange thing is that when I am alone and have no pressing responsibilities to fulfill, my mind is blank and even if I try to direct my thoughts to something spiritual, I stop and resume thinking of nothing. In this time my body feels unsettled but not with anxiety. It feels as if there is an energy that has yet to be released, as if it is trapped inside waiting to get out. I do nothing to move it though, because I am not led to do this. Instead it happens in my sleep, slowly. Thus, I have been experiencing sexual dreams on a nightly basis. At first I resisted these dreams but lately I have been impatient for them. This morning when I questioned this occurrence, my guide simply replied, “You need it”.

I have also been awakened by nightmares where when I wake I am so distraught it takes me a while to differentiate between dream and reality. My guide says this is the pain I carry inside me and that they are working to help me release it. Perhaps it is linked to the sexual dreams since this is the domain of the root chakra?

Processing

I sense that I am also in the midst of processing everything to make sense of it. This is on the mental level, of course. Spiritually, I do not need to “make sense” of it, but being in this body and in this physical state, it is how I keep all the information organized and usable. It can be overwhelming and in the past, when I have been in similar states, it has pushed me to the brink of insanity. In fact, last night when my guide began communicating with me, I instinctively knew that I should not rush the process (whatever it is). I should take my time, listen and integrate the bits and pieces as they come to me. Eventually it will all start to make more and more sense.

Already I can see what the future holds for the new, more aware individuals coming into life. I couldn’t help but wonder about the young girl I sent healing to. She appeared so overwhelmed with life. I saw myself in her, except that I am over twice her age. I couldn’t imagine being in her shoes at such a young age. I could only guess that the reason she is feeling so overwhelmed is not because she has too much to do, but because she is being bombarded with energy, feelings and sensations she is unprepared to handle. In fact, the feeling I got from her is that she is wide open, similar to how I was during my mid-twenties. I have also recently met others who face similar obstacles. And I wonder, how many other children will I meet that are going through the same thing? And in thinking about all of this, I feel drawn to help, and I begin brainstorming ways to help them.

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Underground Warehouse – July, 2014

This week has been exhausting. My mornings start at 5:30am and I often do not get to bed until 10:30-11pm. Then my baby wakes up 2-3 times a night, so my sleep is continually interrupted even with the help of my husband. It is no wonder that last night, after being woken up for the fourth time, I crawled out of bed and carried a pillow and blanket to my son’s room to try and get some sleep.

Noticing I had left and obviously sleep deprived himself, my husband stomped into the room and left baby with me, yelling something at me that I could not hear through my earplugs. Realizing I wouldn’t get anymore sleep I got up and took baby back into our bedroom and then went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. It was 6am by that time I had given up on sleep yet I did not want to get up. Since baby was back asleep, I went back to my son’s room and laid down on his bed.

I was obviously upset. My whole body felt stiff and thoughts were running through my head about how to figure out how I could get a reprieve. I felt like there was no where to go to get some peace and quiet. Although my commute and time at work is time alone it is not a relaxing time. So, all I could think about was how to find time for myself, but I couldn’t see that happening.

As my thoughts raced I realized that time alone just wasn’t going to happen. I kept thinking over and over, “I want out”. At the time I felt unable to control these thoughts. Although I have been ultra busy and exhausted these last two weeks, my mood has been high even when at my tiredest. I guess it caught up to me.

After what seemed like a long time, I suddenly noticed that my body was no longer tense. Instead my body felt relaxed and almost floaty. It was then that I heard my guide say, “You feel better now, don’t you?” The thoughts were gone and I began to hear the words to the Lumineers song Stubborn Love going through my mind – “Keep you head up, my love”. Recognizing that I could finally sleep, I drifted off.

Underground Warehouse

I soon found myself in a semi-lucid dream walking towards a house. I was with some others and we were talking about the house as if it were the new house we just moved into but it didn’t look anything like our new home. It was brown instead of white and seemed dark and gloomy. It was also dark outside.

Inside I was drowsy and not fully alert. My mind felt foggy as I drifted down our stairs to the kitchen. My husband was there with our children and I went to the table to eat dinner with them. The entire time I felt like

I did not belong there; like a stranger in a strange new place. The feeling became strong, so I left the table and went to the bar to eat. I looked down at the pasta I was eating and then felt eyes on me. It was my husband giving me a questioning look. I told him I preferred to eat at the bar. 

The feeling of the dream was similar to how I felt when I fell asleep – I wanted out. So I walked outside and into the road where there were some parked cars. It was twilight and for some reason I was carrying in my hand a piece of bread.

As I walked farther out into the road, a orange striped cat came running towards me and grabbed onto the bread. I let it go so he could have it and noticed the cat was young, maybe only 1 year old, and very hungry. I told him he could have the bread and watched as he growled defensively and began to devour it. That was when I saw another cat of similar age come out, a little black tabby. I remember thinking the cats were abandoned and that we could give them a good home. I walked toward them and spoke softly to them so as to not scare them. That was when I noticed that the piece of bread was now a little black and white hamster. Not wanting it to die, I quickly gathered it up in my hands before they decided to eat it.

The scene went dark and I soon found myself walking outside of the house with a man. He was talking about a basement and showing me the door. I walked over the top of the basement, a large concrete slab, remarking that it might be a tornado shelter but soon decided it was too large for that.

We descended stairs and inside I was surprised to find a huge warehouse structure with steel beams. It was enormous! There were various objects around and I remember thinking about how we could use the space and talking about putting our trampoline in there as well as a weight room. As I looked around me, I remember seeing an old, white 1950s car (corvette?) and baby toys among other things. I also saw mechanic’s tools and a crane. There were others with me, both male and female, and I talked with them though I don’t remember what we talked about.

 As we talked, I kept feeling like I wanted to sleep but managed to stay awake. I believe this sleepiness is a result of my awareness shifting. I remember at one point I saw my husband holding our baby the wrong way and swooped in to save him from falling. This woke me up quite a bit and my awareness heightened.

As I was preparing to leave the warehouse I saw an adjoining warehouse just as big, if not bigger, than the one we were in. They called it the “game room” and I could see that it had a large air hockey set up where the figures were about half the size of a grown man. At first I was not interested in it but finally I went closer to see it. I noticed the platform that was holding the set up was partly broken down. I never went into the room. I recall telling my guides several times throughout this dream sequence, “I don’t want to be here” and “I want to stay”. The first statement at first seemed that I did not want to be in the dream but as the dream progressed I realized I was referring to being in this life, with my family, at this particular moment. The latter statement referred to me staying with my guides.

Astral Message

Recognizing that I was in a dream, I began to take control of my surroundings. The scene in front of me once again blacked out and I could feel the familiar shift in energy that comes from moving from one level to the next. I did not resist and allowed myself to make the transition.

When my vision returned I was standing in my son’s bedroom looking at the window, most likely very near my sleeping physical body (I wish I had thought to look at it!). I moved toward the window and  raised the blinds. I looked out and saw that my front yard was dusted with a light dusting of snow. It was sparkling and brilliant, appearing almost like tiny diamonds below me. I recall thinking the snow was not normal; that it must mean something but could not figure out exactly what.

Excited to get out of the house and explore, I opened the window and pushed out the screen. Standing on the edge of the window I peered down at what appeared to be a huge drop down to the snow below. I looked across at our oak tree and saw a pear, ripe for the picking, sparkling with specks of ice. I intended to pick the pear and for a moment hesitated, worrying I would drop to the ground instead of fly. Discarding my doubt I jumped out of the window.

At first I did fly but soon found myself pulled towards the ground. It was as if I were being led down – a very gradual downward pull/nudge. When I reached the ground I immediately bounced back up, willing myself to fly up and over the neighborhood . Yet I hesitated. Instead I looked down at the dusting of sparkling snow below and felt like I needed to go down this time.

When I got down to ground level I was met by two women who were standing in front of my garage. I knew them and greeted them enthusiastically, saying, “Hi!”. Both women were short. One was approximately 5ft tall and the other just a bit taller than that. I seemed to tower above them both.

The shorter woman had salt and pepper hair that was cut short in the typical style women in their 50s will wear. She reminded me of a woman I know in real life. She replied back to me, “Hi Dayna”. She was the one who was doing most of the talking although the other woman stayed close.

I told her, “I want to stay” but I did not have any feelings of sadness. It was just a statement of fact.

The woman smiled and said, “I know but you need to play the game”. I remember holding onto the word “game” and thinking to myself, “She called it a game”.

Although I don’t remember the rest of what she told me, I do remember that her message was clear. I could not stay there with them. I had things to do. I would get rest soon and just needed to be patient.

While the shorter woman was talking, another taller woman approached us from the side. She had been there all along but I had not really focused on her. She was very tall, probably about 6ft, and had short blonde hair. She appeared to be in her 40s and I would describe her as very German-like. Her demeanor was that of a very strong woman and she held herself very tall and stiff. I laugh now to think about her, as she looks almost identical to an actress (don’t know her name) who often plays German female characters who are strict and dictatorial. I remember that she seemed very displeased with what was going on. I got the distinct feeling that I was not suppose to be there and she was unhappy that I had been allowed to return and meet with them. I didn’t understand this and did not linger on it. I could care less that she was unhappy with me. I was there!

The three of them stood there with me and I was completely happy to be in their company. I turned and hugged each of them enthusiastically, kneeling down to hug the shorter of the three. I remember that when I hugged the tall, blonde that her stiffness softened and she hugged me back. I excitedly called out their names, calling the short woman “Mary” and the tall woman, “Christina”. When I called the short woman Mary I changed my mind and said, “No, it’s Maria”. She nodded and said, “Yes, Maria”. This pleased me to no end and I was just happy being there in their company.

It was then that Maria began to walk away with the other two. I watched her leave and then she stopped and turned around. She said to me, “Just remember to….” but stopped. I said, “What?” She seemed to reconsider her words and said, “Never mind. Just tell Daniella….” but again she stopped. I got the feeling she did not want me to remember and so stopped as I was holding on to every word she said with quite a bit of interest.

I do recall repeating what they said in my mind several times in order to remember. When she said the name Daniella I was confused. I thought, Who is Daniella? I don’t know her.

The scene went black as Maria walked away and I felt the familiar pull back into my body. As my energy settled I opened my eyes and realized I had been OOB.

Considerations

This is the first time I have had an astral experience like this (that I can remember anyway). Usually I do not get pulled toward the ground. In fact, I usually feel the opposite – pulled up. And never has my astral trip been so specifically focused upon me meeting up with my guides in such a way. Not only did I recognize these three women but I called them by name. Where were the familiar male guides I usually see in astral?

I can tell that I am advancing based upon this experience. I was very aware of the two different aspects of my Self throughout. There was the me that wanted to fly and explore (the “child”), and then there was the me who was purpose-driven and there for a reason the other me did not know about. Though distinctly different, the two were in harmony and felt more like two parts of a whole. I also seemed to know that my guides had called me there and then I remembered them and their names.

There was also so much that was not spoken aloud in this experience. The overall messages that were passed between myself and the others and between the three of them was that I was not suppose to be astralling at this time because it created problems. Mainly, it caused and increase in my desire to leave this body. I got the distinct impression that the other two female guides had chosen to speak to me and the third one was not in full agreement. It actually felt similar to parents disagreeing on how to discipline and parent a child, one insisting on following the rules and the other insisting on exceptions to those rules. Regardless, I was allowed to meet up with them and it was made very clear that I must fulfill my purpose before leaving this life.

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Peace

I just wanna make you laugh
I just wanna see that smile
Babe, we’re only here, oh, for a little while
I just wanna hold you till we fall asleep
I want love, I want us, I want you, I want me, I want peace

I woke this morning with the chorus from this song in my head and a feeling similar to how I was feeling not long ago – I didn’t want to get out of bed. A specific line of the chorus, “we’re only here, oh, for a little while”, kept repeating in my head. I love the song and it has been used to relay a message to me before, but this morning I just didn’t want to hear it.

Where Did the Memories Go?

As the song played in my head, memories of my youth began to trickle in. Specifically, a memory from when I was 12 years old. My father came back into my life after years of disconnection. He just popped back in, out of blue, and acted as if nothing had changed. Of course, me being 12 and all, everything had changed.

He brought with him a girlfriend. A very garish woman with big hair and penciled in eyebrows that made her look like a clown. Her makeup was dark and befitting of a twenty-something year old. Yet her clothing was more in line with her age – around 50 or 60. I don’t remember the woman’s name now, but I know I instantly did not like her. This is also not surprising considering the circumstances.

We went to a fancy restaurant – Red Lobster (back then it was considered high end – really!). We were there to celebrate my younger sister’s birthday. She would be turning 10. After eating, the garish woman and my father presented my sister with her gift and I was extremely jealous when she opened it. She got Clinique make-up! I remember looking at the little, sea green compact and feeling my heart sink. I thought to myself, “She is too young for that!” and wanting it desperately for myself. But I kept my mouth closed and smiled, pretending to be happy for her.

The memory stopped there but the feeling of it did not. I was so full of hate back then. It was me against the world. It was vile. I am not sure how I made it through my teens because that feeling pretty much stayed with me until I was in my mid-twenties. It grew and changed as I suppressed it and tried hard to not become the effect of it. Sometimes I managed to keep it at bay but most of the time it hung over me like a dark rain cloud.

Much of my feelings stemmed from anger but I also believe I brought some of them into this life with me. Especially the feeling that I should be loved more than my siblings. I secretly always wanted to be an only child. I have since remembered my last life. It was brief but I do know one thing – I was the only child. Hmmm. Ha! I was also not treated well and my life ended in a horrible way – murdered by a father figure; drowned in a shallow fountain in an unfamiliar place. Torn from my family, life taken from me abruptly and betrayed by someone I thought loved me, I found myself trapped between the Other Side and Earth – bound to a life that was no longer mine.

All these memories were instantly with me as I awoke this morning. Why? Perhaps it was because yesterday, looking into my daughter’s face as we spent time reading together before bed, I thought about how I use to cherish similar memories of my own childhood, yet, I could not remember them. Where did they go? And I thought to myself that this must be why I am so bitter about having to live life. I have lost memories I once cherished.

time_joakim_kraemer_photography_One Life, Many Me’s

I read yesterday in one of the many blogs I now follow on WordPress that as we change, we leave a part of ourselves behind. We shift into a new Self. This is part of living. It is part of change. And change is the one constant – it is expected, though many of us fear it and reject it.

I have had many me’s in this life. The first, my childhood – when joy and laughter were still very much a part of my life. This me only lasted for about six years. Too short, if you ask me.The second me began with my parent’s divorce and stayed until my mid-twenties. This was probably the most challenging part of my life. I went through middle and high school, met my first husband, went to college and then left my first husband. I lived in parts of the U.S. I never thought I would and traveled across the world to Australia and the U.K. Yet I was not complete. I felt lacking. All the time.

The third me emerged with my spiritual awakening at around the age of 26. I recall recognizing the other me’s during this time. They felt foreign to me. When I looked at those me’s a didn’t recognize them as a part of me. I was so different. There is no way they could be me. Even now, when I recall memories of those times, they seem surreal and dreamlike, as if they were just one of my many astral travels.

And now I feel like I am entering into another stage, one that will create yet another me. Hopefully the final me. I have yet to see where one me ended and another began, but this could be because I am in the midst of it. I worry that in order to transform into the new me there needs to be a drastic ending somewhere. For example, the beginning of the current me came after several drastic ends – the biggest being divorce. The ending of the childhood me came with divorce as well. And it could be that there will be divorce this time as well, but not necessarily the divorce of man and woman but a divorce of old habits, behaviors and beliefs.

Peace

The final feeling that came with hearing the song by O.A.R. this morning was an irritation at not getting to astral along with a rejection of astral travel – almost as if it serves only to slow me down right now rather than help me progress at the rate I should be. Typical of that internal conflict that has proved so difficult to overcome in this life – the ego versus the Self. Always, when I thought about the purpose astral travel serves in my life, I heard the line “we’re only here for a little while”, as if to say “Focus on living your life now, not on other planes of existence as it is this existence which is most important at this time”. And the message is clear – we are only here for a little while, just a blink compared to the eternity of that which we are. And the peace we find in ourselves can be found anywhere, even here on Earth, if we accept our chosen path, do not allow the ego to confuse us and misguide us, and travel it wholeheartedly. Easier said than done.