Category Archives: Messages

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Cat Mystery Solved

I have been having cats in both my dreams and OBEs for some time now. It has gotten really irritating. Well, today I think I understand what they were trying to tell me.

The Woes of a Child

I got to meet a wonderful girl today. She taught me so much! What did she teach me? That I am not alone. Neither is she.

I listened as this girl told me about how I would think she was crazy. I listened as she told me how the Bible warned against “bad” spirits. I listened when she told me she was sometimes called “Cat lady”. I listened and was amazed.

I watched as I listened. Watched as she refused to look me in the eye. What did she think I was going to see in there? Her soul? Perhaps. I can definitely understand that.

I watched as I saw her try to control the huge amounts of energy pouring through her little body. She did a good job, but I could still see as she shook, as if suddenly cold. When I asked her about it she looked confused and said, “I think I’m just cold” – I think. I asked her if she thought maybe it was because she was trying to hold in her emotions and told her it sometimes happened to me, too. She looked at me wide-eyed and said nothing, but I know she understood.

The story she told me was what brought on the shakes. She loved cats but one her beloved feline friends went missing one day. She couldn’t find him but she thinks he is still around, in Spirit. But then spirit is bad, she said, and so she must be crazy. I wanted to tell her she wasn’t crazy, that Spirit is real and not bad. I wanted to tell her I could sense Spirit near her and that was why she was shaking.

Then she told me of another cat friend and how he died. And then she told the story of how he came to visit her after she had hurt herself. She said she felt his fur as he rubbed up against her leg and she saw his coloring, black and white just like she remembered. Black and white.

I told her she wasn’t crazy. I told her she was special. Inside I was amazed and validated. It was a good day.

Other Realizations

I had another realization today. Hypoglycemia – low blood sugar. It’s symptoms are often mistaken for mental disorders. Why? Because they are the same symptoms!

  • Heart palpitations (rapid or irregular heartbeat)
  • Shaking
  • Sweating
  • Paleness, cold/clammy skin
  • Nausea
  • Seeing flashes of light.
  • Dilated pupils (a common fear-response symptom)
  • Moodiness
  • Negative attitude
  • Exaggeration of relatively minor problems
  • Hunger
  • Slurred speech, can be mistaken for drunkenness
  • Blank look, zombie-like behavior        *Source

Why does this matter? Because I have been diagnosed with depression, dysthymia, Bipolar II and General Anxiety at different times in my life. I was accurately diagnosed with hypoglycemia in 2005. I changed my eating, eating more frequently and eating better foods, and it helped – immensely. And now, as I have been going through similar symptoms from my past I realize that I have not been eating well again. And of course my mood changes are directly linked to my diet.

Another thing I realized (and don’t take offense if you are a firm believer in this) but when I was going through my spiritual awakening, prior to being diagnosed with hypoglycemia, I thought the crazy shaking feeling and other symptoms were because I was not “grounded”. Well that is what everyone told me anyway. Grounding is to connect your energy with the Earth to create a solid link, etc, etc. I never really understood it and it never really helped to do the grounding techniques people told me about. Now I know that my intuition was accurate. I didn’t need to ground, I just needed to eat!

Now the shaking from Spirit, that is a different shaking than caused by hypoglycemia, though I am sure low blood sugar just makes it worse. When Spirit connects with a medium, or someone receptive to them, they can overwhelm them with their energy and this overload causes the medium to shake as if they are very cold. Some will even say they are cold. It also comes with intense emotions that are confusing to an inexperienced medium. So don’t confused hypoglycemic shaking with those caused by Spirit – two totally different things.

Sinking In

So today has been full of “ah-ha’s” and I am still processing everything. On top of the major things, I also had a great conversation with a co-worker. I got chills as we talked and I knew it was a good thing. Chills, or psychic chills as some call them, is a phenomenon that occurs when your energy and the energy of another person(s) or a situation is significant in some way and your energy and the other energy “connect” in just the right way as to intensify the overall energy. It could be that there is a connection between you and an individual or that Truth has been revealed in some way. All in all, the chills I got were localized to my left shoulder, which always says to me that my guide is there reminding me, “This is GOOD”. It always fills me will joy and the sensations intensify. They feel wonderful, like I am loved. I love me some good psychic chills!!!

As the day sinks in more and more I am in awe of how things work. I am so dense and human; impatient and always complaining when things are slow or don’t go as fast as I want them to. It always surprised me when these kinds of things happen and then, of course, I want them all the time. But that is not how life works. There are valleys and hills and I just need to remember that and ride the roller coaster down and suck all the enjoyment out of it that I can to help me through the low times. At the top is the thrill and a voice says, “Bring it on!”. At the bottom there is the despair and a voice says, “Make it stop”. In between is the hard part because the voice says, “What next? What do I do now?” The endless in-between or so it seems.

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Four Levels

Last night I had some very vivid dreams which included communication with one of my guides. I then ended up OOB for a short time.

4 Levels

The dream started inside a building that had a golden hue about it. It was also very clean and sanitary and reminded me of a hospital. I was with my best friend from high school as she appears presently and she was telling me about a stalker.

While with her I was transported in my mind to outside of the building and saw that it was indeed a very tall structure. I was talking with a female who I didn’t see and she seemed to be instructing me. We were discussing the four levels of the building. I was acutely aware that the floors had purpose. The top floor was reserved for those who were advanced and nearing the end of this incarnation. The levels below were based upon individuals’ progress in their current life. I was discussing people I seemed to know, saying their names and knowing their level. One woman’s name stood out to me. She was at the third level and her name sounded like “Ah-te” or similar. It sounded very foreign, almost Egyptian.The levels seemed very important and I was focused intently on them.

Then I was aware of being with my friend again. We were hiding from her stalker and we ended up in the bathroom of the first floor. I asked her what it was about, implying that a stalker only stalked because he was given reason to. She laughed and said she had not had sex but had done everything but. This shocked me as her relationship in present time is so perfect. I told her, “I would never do that”.

Then I was floating in this circular shopping area. The buildings of different shops were all around the perimeter and I was in the middle, the parking lot. It was deserted and dark. I flew up to a restaurant and saw it was owned by my friend and was doing quite well.

Then I was back with my friend who was laying down, her eyes closed. We were still on the first floor and the stalker was over her, looking down at her. I wondered if she was dying. The stalker lost interest and left.

I then found myself back in the shopping center. This time the business that was owned by my friend had gone under. In fact, all the businesses seemed to be out of business.

OBE

Suddenly I was very aware of my surroundings and my vision became crisp. I was very aware that I was OOB and thought, “I am asleep”.

I seemed to be in my grandparent’s living room. I looked down at the sofa and saw my husband sound asleep stretched out upon it. He was wearing only his boxers and his head was propped up on a pillow. I went closer, examining him with my eyes and feeling giddy, much like a child who is about to play a practical joke. I smiled and felt mischievous but not like in my other OBEs. “The child” was not present – I was very much myself, just a much happier, free version of myself.

I leaned over my husband, inspecting his face and listening to his breathing. He looked very peaceful. I then touched his arm gently and he shifted slightly. I rubbed the palm of my hand over his chest with more pressure, feeling the warmth of his body and smiling. He made a sound and I moved back and looked at his face. His eyes were closed and there was drool on his mouth. This made me laugh silently to myself.

I would have stayed longer but instead I awoke suddenly and was back in my body.

Considerations

As I lay in bed not wanting to get up, I thought about my dream and the OBE. I knew there was a message in it, but I could not put it into words. The levels were curious to me. What did they represent? Chakras? Levels of consciousness? And my friend and her cheating on her husband along with the failure of her “business” left me wondering. Could it be that I was recognizing that all thing pass and that things are not always what they appear to be? That is what the message seemed to be.

I tried not to take the message literally. I mean, I am not considering cheating or leaving my husband. Yet, I wonder if the cycle of my current life is coming to yet another end? Or perhaps I was just reflecting on possibilities? My OBE seemed so positive to me, as if I were relishing the time I have with my husband. Yet the feeling I had was of a friend who finds her friend sound asleep at a sleepover and wants to put shaving cream on his face, make him move and wipe it all over himself, then laugh hysterically, proud of my success. Even now I think how funny it would have been to have succeeded in startling him awake.

I wonder sometimes if this is what I am like when I am not in a body. Do I have this kind of relationship with my current husband on the Other Side? Are we good friends who like to play jokes on each other? I can imagine how our conversation would go upon a return from this life:

“Hey you!”, I would say, and punch him in the arm. “How did you like being my man servant this life?”

He would laugh and say, “What? Me?” Then he would think and say, “You know, I think we should be siblings next time around. Then we can really teach each other a lesson or two”.

Sometimes I really think life is just a big, ol’ game to us when we are not in a body. Puts a whole new twist to the saying, “Lighten up”.

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Patterns

Yesterday I woke up in a sour mood. I hate it when that happens. Thankfully, the day morphed into a great day and, looking back, I think there is much to learn from what occurred.

Patterns

Perhaps it is the yoga I have now been doing for over two weeks. Or maybe it is my new job and the new people and challenges I encounter there. Or maybe it is the essential oils I have been using to help with my emotions. Finally, maybe it is the energetic changes that are wide spread right now, mine being particularly grueling. Whatever it is, I am beginning to see the patterns in my life. They are emerging along with huge shifts in mood and motivation.

1. I am not a morning person. I hate waking up and having to go right into life and the countless, repetitive tasks I must go through day in and day out. This has been a pattern in my life for as long as I can remember. I am not even sure when it started but I know for certain I was this way in my teens.

2. I am a mess of stress. Stressful thoughts follow me everywhere. My mind is worry machine. My body screams at me with tension every morning when I wake up and throughout the day. My back is especially hard hit.

3. I am also a perfectionist. This goes along with my constant worrying and stress. You can’t be a perfectionist without worry and stress. If things don’t go the way I planned I get irritated and frantic. I am not as bad as I once was, but I am still pretty darn bad.

4. I am a creature of habit. Although I swear I hate the repetitive routines of my life, I take comfort in them and look forward to the reassurance they offer me. I often don’t do new things because they are not part of my routine, though every once in a while I will take the plunge and do something new and unexpected.

5. My life mirrors me. What I mean in that is that I attract that which I send out. For example, in the past, when I gave readings (mediumship or other) there was always a message in the reading that not only helped the sitter but also helped me. Even now, when I meet with someone to help them their issues are always eerily similar to my own. And I am definitely not blind to it. So I take each encounter as a learning experience.

time_joakim_kraemer_photography_Synchronicity

I am also seeing the messages popping up everywhere and they point at wide scale change within me.The messages mostly come in the form of synchronicity. Yoga was the first big message that came to me that way, but I was especially dense when it came to hearing it. Once I realized that messages were coming in this way, though, I began to take notice of them.

Currently, the message I am getting is that I need to work on my circular thinking patterns. Mainly, my worry brain. The message first came through at work and continues to reappear there. First it came with just being told that anxiety was a major concern. Then it began to appear weekly and then daily. I was encouraged to look into CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) as I began to problem solve situations that continued to arise. This message was reinforced when I got a private message from a friend of mine mentioning the exact therapy!

If you don’t know much about CBT, this is what Wikipedia says about it:

A psychotherapeutic approach that addresses dysfunctional emotions, maladaptive behaviors and cognitive processes and contents through a number of goal-oriented, explicit systematic procedures. The name refers to behavior therapy, cognitive therapy, and to therapy based upon a combination of basic behavioral and cognitive principles and research. Most therapists working with patients dealing with anxiety and depression use a blend of cognitive and behavioral therapy. This technique acknowledges that there may be behaviors that cannot be controlled through rational thought. CBT is “problem focused” (undertaken for specific problems) and “action oriented” (therapist tries to assist the client in selecting specific strategies to help address those problems).

There is also the message that I need to work on my past issues from school. Not only do I get this message almost daily from my work encounters but I was basically told that by a superior of mine. He said that we are drawn to work with the age-groups we do because we have not resolved issues from that time in our lives. Bulls-eye! He could not have said it better. And what has been happening since then? I have been having dreams involving issues from my school years, specifically group situations in which I struggled. At the same time I am encountering similar situations in the clients I work with. And these are long-standing issues because I am devoted over 10 years of my life to resolving issues from my school years. Ouch. I sure hope that I can propel healing in these areas and free myself of this cycle.

Healing

Finally, there is the healing that has hit me twice as hard since my move. The up’s and down’s of my emotions have made it the most difficult healing I have ever experienced except maybe the time when I went through my dark-night-of-the-soul. This is very, very similar, though.

Yoga, I think, is helping, though right now it seems to be accelerating the uncomfortable parts of the process. I am much more aware of my body and so I am more aware of how much stress I carry in my body. I am listening, though, and taking time to relax when my body signals me to. I recently got a book from a friend about healing emotions with essential oils and have been adding oils into my daily regime. So far I have not noticed much but I need to give it time. I have this intense urge to accelerate my already accelerated healing. I am not even sure this is a good thing but I have to trust my intuition on this.

The kundalini energy I was experiencing has stopped, for now. I did wake up the other night feeling it starting to rise, but it kept waking me up and it seems that me being conscious immediately stopped it. It never got past my second chakra. This is a disappointment for me. So I have been meditating more. Meditation not only helps with my stress but also encourages healing.

I did have a breakthrough yesterday with stopping my circular thinking. I spent 6 hours painting three bedrooms. It was a family effort actually and my kids ended up covered in paint (all but the baby). I went to bed exhausted and happy. I also realized that not once while I was painting did I think about anything except the moment I was in. What bliss! It was wonderful to not be burdened with excessive worry for 6 hours. I think I can use my experience to help me experience longer and longer periods of being in the moment. My husband said it right – the more purpose we have, the happier we are. I guess it works even if our purpose is to paint three bedrooms!

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Wasp Nests – March, 2014

Another week at my new job and I think I am finally getting use to my new schedule and the demands of the job. The balance has been hard to come by, though. Sleep has been little but the last couple of days I have played catch up and feel well rested this morning.

Warning

I slept very deeply last night until my third wakening to use the restroom. When I got back into bed I saw that it was 3:30am and knew instantly that I would have trouble going back to sleep. I had a nagging feeling and knew my guides were signaling me to communicate with them. I had felt this signal prior to going to bed and had considered doing self-healing but opted to use my downtime reading. At 3:30am it seemed my guides had had enough of me delaying listening to them and so I did in fact toss and turn rather than go back to sleep.

In my frustration I finally asked them what was up. I ran into a guide that I am not familiar with, at least not consciously. I did, however, know to call him “Michael”, which surprised me. He was reminding me of the dream I had not long ago that forewarned me of this baby coming earlier than expected. I asked him why he was bringing it up and he said, “To prepare you”. I did not like that answer and it scared me. Fear is not a good thing to have when communicating with one’s guides so the rest of the information I got I will not share since I cannot guarantee the accuracy of it (too much fear on my part). However, I cannot ignore the messages I have been getting in my dreams or the feeling that I have had with this pregnancy from the beginning.

Running into the Past

I tried to go back to sleep but my guides continued to stay close. I had/have four of them around me but Michael was the most prominent. I asked to OBE or to at least get some sleep. I contemplated just getting up but it felt so good lying in bed that I eventually drifted off to sleep around 4:20am.

I found myself in a semi-lucid dream. I was in a bedroom that was unfamiliar and sitting on a bed with fluffy pillows and a plush comforter. I recall the colors were brownish and the room was dark.

I was in and out of lucidity throughout the dream. I believe that is why I was in bed in the dream as I was struggling to remain as conscious as possible and not succeeding completely. I recall talking with a man and the more I spoke with him, the more I recalled who he was. He appeared to be an ex-boyfriend of mine and I was happy to see him. I had been not so nice to this man when I was with him and I was apologetic. All I wanted to do was hug him and pull him close. I recall him being resistant but I convinced him to just hug me and get close. It was nice to be near him.

While I was hugging him I felt to be in two places. One in the bedroom and the other in a different place, a plain room with no furniture where I would talk with my guides. In this instance I was semi-lucid and we discussed my current lessons in life. I explained that I was not interested in graduating high school – I had already done that. I was told I did not have to go to school. I asked if I could skip for the day and was told I could. When told this I immediately became happier and more relaxed.

Then the scene shifted and my guide became my ex and he was taking me to a restaurant for breakfast. It was an old, white house. I thanked him for his generosity but the restaurant was closed. He then asked if I would take a picture of him in front of it and I instantly knew it was haunted. I took some photos and two older woman came by commenting on the place. I recall seeing images flash in front of my eyes of two older woman and thinking about the haunted house.

Then the scene shifted and I was back in the bedroom. I was sitting on the bed with my ex and began to think about my other ex’s. I struggled to remember them but did remember the face of one and watched as my ex’s face turned into the face of the ex I couldn’t remember the name of. I sat there confused for a moment. What man was I with now?? I thought of my ex-husband and knew he was not who I was with but could not for the life of me remember my current husband and father of my children! This concerned me and I got flustered. Why did I have amnesia??

Wasp Nests

Eventually I did remember my current husband but it took a lot of focus within the dream to do so. Once I remembered him I was transported to yet another scene. This time I was in the back yard of my Mom’s house, or what appeared to be her yard. I was talking with a guide who morphed into my current husband and then back again more than once. I was talking to him about yard work and we came upon three large, red wasp nests. They were not the normal wasp nests. Rather than being up high in a tree they were anchored to the ground and appeared like small trees. I remember thinking we needed to kill them but then was shocked to see that there was so many new wasps. Recognizing they had multiplied since we last tried to kill them I told my husband we needed to do something about them. I recall feeling a bit overwhelmed by the task at hand and thought about using a long pole to remove the nests. I eventually gave up, though, because there were so many nests and wasps.The feelings I had towards the wasps was avoidance and distaste.

Interpretation

Considering the feelings I was having when I had the above dreams, I am not surprised that I had encounters with my past and the feared red wasp. I was feeling pretty anxious about life in general when I fell asleep and so the fear likely permeated my dreams.

A red wasp in one’s dream symbolizes fear, anger and negative feelings in general. The wasps were not bothering me nor were they chasing me, which is good. I was merely watching them from a distance. Since I had tried to exterminate them in the past unsuccessfully it suggests that the wasps are connected to a long-standing issue. The wasps are also multiplying, which suggests that the problem is not only unresolved but getting worse.

Since I was with my current husband watching the wasps and their nests I believe the issue to be directly linked to my marriage. There have been some long-standing issues in my marriage for a while now and I admit I have not done much to resolve them. Recently my husband and I had a disagreement and it is likely that this was coming out in my dreams. I have been worrying over the argument since it occurred and have been having feelings of anger and resentment resurface. Wasps are symbolic of my feelings resurfacing.

I am also very familiar with the school symbolism that came up. I have been considering taking a break from working but have instead continued to work despite my dissatisfaction with my work in general. I had hoped that being a counselor would help that but my exhaustion lately and the paperwork that has been my priority has not been as fulfilling as I had hoped it would be. With a new baby very soon to be joining our family I have been anxious about finances and despite wanting to stay home with my baby and just “be” for a while, I am terrified of what it might mean for us financially. It especially upsets me when my husband wants to spend more than we have and I struggle with trusting him to be the sole financial provider for the family.

It is obvious to me that I need to devote time to building trust in my husband. I feel this is more a past-life issue that is resurfacing than a present time one and is one of my life lessons. Part of me wants to take the plunge and force myself to trust him by quitting work for a time and letting him take over for a while. I am overwhelmed and really just need a good rest. However, I know better than to push myself into such a situation as I tend to overreact and it can lead to bad things. I have to find a balanced way to confront this in my life.

Why is it so hard to put trust in someone else?

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Yoga – My First Week

Since I have been receiving messages to integrate yoga into my exercise routine, I decided I would try to do some yoga every day this week and see if I feel a difference. Additionally, I dropped my normal cardio and weight routine that I do on my days off and replaced it with walks outside with my son and baby. With the cooler Fall weather, these walks have been very enjoyable and also gave me bonding time with my 3 year old.

I use videos from DoYogaWithMe.com, a website that offers all kinds of yoga videos of varying lengths and ability levels. I have found the videos to be of good quality and content.

Day 1

I did 15 minutes of beginner yoga in my office during my lunch break. I found it on YouTube here. It was very easy, simple and doable. I had not done yoga in years but I still remembered some of the basic poses. I had no spiritual experiences, no energy changes and nothing out of the ordinary. However, I did feel less tense afterward.

Day 2

After a leisurely walk with my son and baby, I did a 30 minute post-natal yoga video at home while my baby was sleeping and my toddler was playing in his room. Surprisingly, I went undisturbed until the last 5 minutes when my toddler came in and began asking me questions about what I was doing.

Observations:

1. I could not sit comfortably on my knees which was how the video began. My knees were screaming at me the whole time so I finally gave up and sat criss-cross (Indian Style).

2. Yoga is harder than I remember! I was sweating by the middle but doing well.

3. I definitely became more aware of my body and certain parts that need attention like my shoulders and hips.

4. Towards the end and after laying on my back for some time just being the video took me into child’s pose and then into rabbit’s pose (forgive me if I have the names wrong, I am still learning). When in rabbit’s pose I felt a surge of emotion hit my heart and I had to gasp. It left pretty quickly but I recognized this was a much needed release.

5. I felt like I had a decent workout when I finished which surprised me.

Day 3

I found time at work again to do yoga. This time I moved up to intermediate and a routine designed specifically for after work. It was only 15 minutes but it successfully stretched my shoulders, back and legs while giving me a chance to breathe and relax, which I was able to do though not as much as I would like.

I find that doing yoga at work is not ideal but considering my life is non-stop once I get home in the evening and I would likely have my children either climbing on me or talking non-stop to me as I tried to “relax”, work wins out. Unfortunately, I am not able to fully let go of my anxiety because I continuously worry that someone will knock on my office door with some emergency. I wonder if I will ever get to really experience yoga as it is meant to be experienced.

Day 4

I went for a walk with my son and baby and then did 35 minutes of intermediate yoga. Despite pausing three times to tend to my baby, I broke a sweat again. And again I found it difficult to twist my body into some of the poses. I noticed that I was holding my breath quite a bit and wonder if I will ever be able to breathe consistently throughout. I set the intention to receive healing, but I did not feel any healing occur – but that doesn’t mean it didn’t. My body and the energy level felt pretty much the same as it does when I do my normal routine.

I wear a Garmin Forerunner watch to keep track of my heart rate and time my workouts. It is interesting to me that although I feel like I am working out at the same level as when I run or life weights, my average heart rate during yoga is significantly lower. My average heart rate during yoga today was 92 and with my normal routine it is typically about 131.

Restorative Yoga

In the evening, I was feeling quite tense and stressed, so I found a restorative yoga video to see if it could help me clear my mind and relax. I used my Kindle and hid away in my daughter’s room so as to not be disturbed. I was able to to it for about 12 minutes before being interrupted by my son. It actually was quite relaxing and I want to try it again soon.

I noticed one thing the restorative yoga allowed me to do that I have not been able to do with other yoga: quiet my mind. I actually did not think of anything while laying in the restorative positions. It was wonderful! I can see why it is recommended for those who struggle with insomnia. Thankfully, insomnia has not been one of my issues for some time now (knock on wood).

Day 5

I awoke to all-over body aches. I was surprised to find that muscles I didn’t know I had were hurting. Specifically, the muscles around the hip bone area. Usually my aches of the morning go away quite quickly once I get up and move around, but these were very obviously not going to do that. So I started my morning with a short yoga video specifically focused on stretching the shoulders and upper back. After doing it I felt much less stiffness in my shoulders and neck area, which was a relief.

When I got home from work I decided to try Kundalini Yoga. I did over an hour of it and learned how to chant and move energy up and down my spine. Initially, my upper back felt intensely hot. Not hot like heat from working out but hot like full of trapped energy. It was similar to how it feels when I receive Reiki but the energy was very out of place and haphazard. I adjusted my position using a pillow and that helped so I am thinking that I may have not been sitting correctly and thus disrupting the energy flow. Considering the main focus was on the spine, I am glad I was able to correct the problem. Overall, I will likely only do Kundalini Yoga on days when I want a slow, more meditative practice.

After Kundalini Yoga I decided to do more traditional yoga. My daughter joined me, mesmerized by it. She ended up doing a  few somersaults during the quiet, breathing but overall she was eager and curious. She was very upset with me when I ended early. She was not overly disruptive, which was nice, I was just tired from my previous hour of Kundalini Yoga. Despite that, I did about 20 minutes with my daughter.

Today’s total yoga time amounted to 95 minutes, 60 of that was Kundalini Yoga, though, which is mostly meditation.

womanReflection

As I reflect back on this week, I notice some subtle changes and some no so subtle ones. The subtle ones are mostly spiritual and emotional. The more obvious ones have been physical.

Spiritually, my dreams have been focused on past issues, specifically times when I have either purposefully or accidentally hurt someone. One dream on the fourth night of yoga was intense. I woke up confused from it and was certain I had cheated on my husband numerous times. I have had similar dreams in the past. I told my husband about it and he said he has had the same dream except that he is the one certain he has cheated on me! This revelation from him had me considering that perhaps we have been working on similar issues together without knowing it. Another dream was obviously a guide message where I was shown the pages of a book and a finger pointed to a name: Pete. Then later the name changed to Petra. It was very vivid and I recalled meeting a guide whose name was Peter in a past OBE. But who was Petra? My research showed Petra to be simply the feminine of Peter. In the end, I concluded that the message was that “Peter” could come in both male and female form. This made perfect sense to me because we are neither male or female. It is our bodies that have this distinction, not us.

Emotionally I have noticed significant gains since starting yoga. The most notable being yesterday. I felt completely at ease all day yesterday. I also was allowing myself to enjoy the obvious wins I have had in life up to this point. In other words, my thoughts had shifted to thinking of the many blessing of my life. I spent much of the day reacting to things in a completely opposite way than is my norm. I started the day forgetting my lunch and snack at home. Instead of beating myself up for it, I decided to make the most of it and called my husband to come have lunch with me. He was surprised and pleased and we had a nice lunch together. I even ended up going over my normal lunch time. But rather than worry over it, I just stayed at work later than normal. I also had prepared poorly for a group I was conducting, had to deal with an unexpected situation at the last minute so could not properly prepare with the little time I thought I had, and then the printer would not print! I went ahead to the group, unprepared and completely okay with it. All went smoothly. Even the evening went smoothly and without incident.

Physically I have not been so great. My body has been aching more than normal. These are both the aches from using muscles that are not normally used and the aches that weight lifting had eliminated. Since I did no weights all week, my entire back is again stiff in the mornings and I feel like I am much older than I am. I also had a cold most of the week, though now I am much better. So overall, my main complaint is the aching.

What I will likely do next week is return to my normal routine but incorporate yoga into it. Hopefully that will help with the muscle stiffness that has returned while helping me continue to improve my spiritual and emotional health.

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Housecleaning

I’m sick. I feel pretty bad right now but I took some ibuprofen and am starting to feel better. I have had to take it twice a day since I got sick two days ago. This morning I kept thinking, “I am sick” over and over. I realized I should stop or I would make it worse, so I stopped. I am feeling much better now but it could just be the ibuprofen.

I slept so hard last night that when I woke my body felt oddly heavy and unresponsive. I had to drag myself out of bed and once I did I felt sicker than I did before I fell asleep. it is like my body is telling me to go back to bed. But I can’t. I am Mommy today to my two youngest. Life must go on, whether I am sick or not.

Housecleaning

I couldn’t help but notice there are quite a few blog posts out there discussing the equinox as well as the cleansing and healing that is going on at a very deep level for so many. I know I am experiencing such a “purge” and it has manifested in illness. Yuck. The healing is also beginning to create welling up of emotion out of nowhere. Last night I had memories of my past pop into my head out of nowhere. Old friends I had hurt or wronged in some way. People who I had long forgotten about making their way back into my mind, and my heart. This has been going on in my dreams for a few days but only last night did it finally make it to my heart.

I have been drawn to write down all these memories and the harm I have caused. I feel drawn to do it but I am so sick and life has been so busy that I have not had time to follow through on the intention. It seems not to matter. I am continuing the process on the subconscious level as I make my way through my days, as I dream and as I contemplate my days over my evening cup of tea.

The energy seems denser and heavier to me right now. I have seen this written in other blogs – this dense, heavy feeling is common to many right now. Yet “they” seem no where near me. And last night, as I thought of old friends who I had not seen in a long time, I longed for their company. I felt/feel very alone in my experience and recognized just how alien I feel in my own life right now.

lifeYoga

I wrote recently how I accidentally purchased a Kindle book while trying to correct a black Kindle screen. The book was called Where in the Om am I?. I have been reading it because I figured I might as well and so far it has had some good messages for me. The author of the book reminds me of myself in many ways and her struggles mirror many of my own.

Now that I am 90% through the book I am starting to think that I need to revisit yoga. I have done it in the past but its slowness never appealed to me. I found it boring, actually. But there have been too many signs in my life suggesting that I need to do something different in my life. And oddly, those signs have been pointing to yoga.

For example, before I even accidentally bought the book, I got an email from my boss inviting me to consider taking a yoga class at work. I immediately dismissed it because, well, it was yoga and I didn’t have time. A week later I accidentally bought the book Where in the Om am I? and yoga is the theme. Yoga. Boring yoga.

Recently, there was a chapter in the book where the teacher of the author’s yoga class told the class that high intensity cardio was not good for “highly anxious” people. I know I am highly anxious. I can’t seem to ever relax. So I looked it up. Sure enough, I discovered that high intensity cardio causes the body to react the same way it does to stress – high heart rate, sweating, increased cortisol levels, etc. Upon reading this, I remembered being told by someone (can’t remember who now) that I should not be exercising as much as I do because it was actually creating more stress. I thought, at the time, this woman who told me was completely ignorant. Exercise was a stress reducer not a stress causer! But it seemed finally that all the messages I had ignored finally got through. Maybe, just maybe, I have actually been increasing my stress through the type and intensity of exercise I was doing?

And then it happened. I decided I to stop my high intensity exercise routine I have been doing for so long. I plan to replace it with, slower, more stress relieving exercise – like yoga. So yesterday I took some time during my work day to do some yoga in my office. It wasn’t so bad. In fact, I wouldn’t mind doing it more often and I actually thought that I should go find that email offering yoga classes through my work. Today, if I am not feeling too ill, I will do a simple routine from off the internet. Maybe I will join the work class if there is one. Now that the message has finally gotten through there is no ignoring it anymore.

Integration

Finally, as if “cleaning house” is not tough enough – purging old grief and guilt, cleansing old wounds, healing past mistakes and losses, slowing down, incorporating yoga and meditation into my life, changing my diet – I am experiencing the result of the “merging” my guide warned me about so long ago. I knew that this merging process would result in less conversation with my guide and more integration of that knowledge into knowingness. The conversations would internalize and it would be quiet. I knew no more details. Until now.

What happens is very subtle and I wouldn’t have noticed it if I hadn’t been considering my own thoughts at the time. It happens when I am doing normal daily activities. For example, I was getting my middle son his umpteenth sippy cup of juice and I suddenly found myself mesmerized by his tiny little body running in front of me, so happy just to have gotten his juice. And a thought hit me, “He is beautiful I should be happy just making him happy”. And I caught myself enjoying life. It happened again and again. Every time I look into my baby’s eyes and see his face light up with pure joy. And I think to myself, “This is why he came at this time. To help me remember I can experience joy. That I can be happy”. And I feel blessed and grateful to him for his gift to me.

These moments are not as numerous as they should be. Yet. They will be. Merging and integration takes time. Until then, I should stop trying to rush ahead and enjoy the time in between. The time during the transition. This also was a lesson the author of the book I am reading learned. Perhaps that is what yoga will help me do? Enjoy the moments that I have been missing for so long. Just considering it makes me want to cry with joy.

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Cats and Kittens

I am not a cat lover. In fact, cats really irritate me. I use to like cats when I was a child but we had a number of our cats die in very bad ways and I think that put me off completely on the idea of ever having a cat as a pet again. I am fine that other people like cats and I am not mean to them if they are around me, I just don’t want one as my own pet.

Yet night after night, dream after dream, I keep seeing cats and kittens. In one recent dream I was playing with a kitten that was hot pink and I decided to keep it. In one of my recent OBEs I was presented with a white kitten and I cuddled with it. In my most recent dream, I went to check the mail and when I looked down at my feet there was a mother tabby cat with her four, identical tabby kittens. Then when I looked away towards the house I just came from, I saw another kitten but this one was shiny, jet black.

Considering cats and kittens are not my favorite, I am just a tiny bit annoyed.

Cats and Kittens

In dreams, cats are symbolic of many things. In general, they symbolize independence, creativity, femininity, and power. However, cats can also represent misfortune and bad luck if associated with fear and/or negative circumstances. Finally, cat carries with it a strong link to the feminine, so when one appears in the dreams of a woman, it can symbolize protection.

In my dreams, the cats I have been seeing are fine. They are not injured or hurt. In one OBE I was even feeding a cat. They tend to be tabby cats, either orange of gray, and about normal size. Sometimes they lash out at me, but I am never afraid of them. I just see them and take note of them and I always remember them when I wake up.

white kittenUnlike cats, kittens represent a transitional phase in life. They are the path to independence and life exploration. Kittens are playful and energetic, thus, they often are a message to bring more of these qualities into one’s life. Like all baby mammals, they practice the skills they will one day use as adults. When a white kitten presents itself in a dream it represents peace, purity and openness to new things. When a black kitten presents itself in a dream it represents fear in using psychic abilities and believing and trusting one’s own intuition.

I have seen both black and white kittens in my dreams/OBEs. In fact, recently it is kittens more than cats that I see most frequently. Every time I see them, I am curious but not overly excited to see them. They are just another part of the dream. Yet, when I wake up, the image of the kitten(s) is still vivid in my mind. I can’t help but think that this is because they come with a message, one that is obviously not getting through to me.

Cat Totem

After writing this post and sharing it, a friend of mine suggested that perhaps the cat was one of my totems. When I read her comment I knew instantly she was right. As I child I loved cats and collected cat statues. I then tossed the statues and my love of cats, but apparently the cat did not abandon me.

In researching the cat totem, I found many explanations but one in particular caught my eye. This website used Ted Andrews book, Animal Speak as its main source of information. You can find the website here.

“If cat appears in your life the blending of magic and mystery is at hand. A trustworthy teacher, the cat will guide you into the world of self discovery and transformation”.

“In Egypt cats were always given special privileges and were treated like royalty. In Scandinavia the cat stood for fertility, and in India it is a symbol of childbirth. In ancient times it was believed that witches took the form of their cats at night. Cats are fiercely independent. You can never own one: it allows you to take care of it and love it, but only on its terms. They come and go as they please, when they please. Cat’s medicine is independence, curiosity, many lives, cleverness, unpredictability, healing, the ability to fight when cornered, seeing the unseen, and protection. He also represents love and can assist us in meditation. If Cat is your Power Animal, then you have magic and mystery in your life. You are independent and a free thinker. You probably feel energized at night. You will stay with a person or situation until it bores you, and then you’re gone. You have a great talent for organizing things.”

The part in bold describes me so well!

Turtles

Strangely, amidst all of these cat and kitten dreams, I recall a dream very vividly in which I was handling baby turtles. In this particular dream I was taken to South Dakota to see the home of a very rich woman. I was carrying with me some baby turtles but did not notice them until I reached the mansion which was tucked behind some rolling hills. As I topped the hills I saw the mansion spread out before me with well manicured lawns and grand balconies. Between me and the mansion was a large, man-made pond. I walked down to the edge of the pond and deposited the turtles into it and then went up into the mansion.

I do not remember much about the mansion except the story behind it. The woman who built it wanted a home deep in the country surrounded by the rolling plains and far from other people. So this was her masterpiece, tucked away in the hills of South Dakota. I walked through the mansion and got the message that this was all she had and she was very alone, surrounded by her material possessions and very, very unhappy. When I realized the message is when I went to feed the baby turtles. I reached toward the water and one of the babies came out but he was much bigger then when I put him in. I fed him and noted his size. That is where the dream ended.

Turtles represent wisdom, faithfulness, longevity, loyalty and patience and perseverance. Turtles bring the message of turtle-636-640x360taking one’s time, being patient and persisting despite life’s obstacles. If one does this, they will make progress. Turtles can also bring the message that one may be “hiding in their shell” and avoiding life and the issues of life. When a threat approaches, the turtle withdraws into its shell and does not move. This could be analogous to an individual in life – withdrawing every time a threat approaches. No progress is made when one does this. Instead, they stay hidden, afraid and unable to move.

Considering the dream I had with the baby turtles and the message about the woman alone in her mansion, I see how the turtle symbol goes hand in hand with the woman and the prison she created for herself. She had withdrawn from humanity, surrounded herself with material possessions, and was alone. She had grand things and did not need to worry about not having enough, yet she was unhappy and devoid of life. Perhaps me feeding the baby turtles was to show me that I was feeding such characteristics within myself? Yet, when I recall the dream, the feeling of it was of peace and sanctuary. The pond where I deposited the turtles was large, dark and calm. To look at it made me very calm. I can only guess then what it all meant and the feeling of it still haunts me.

Sam

Finally, I am haunted by a particular dream that I had the night before last. The dream was very vivid, like most of my dreams have been since I stopped astral projecting. In it, I went to visit and old friend and I called him by name. I saw him and he reminded me Rob Morrow (the main character in the T.V. show, Northern Exposure). I was very happy to see him and we hugged. I asked him how he was and where he was now. He told me, “Georgetown” and I assumed he meant a city near where I live. We spent some time talking, though I do not remember what about now. All I recall is the image of him and feeling that I had met up with a long-time friend. I was so fascinated by the meeting that I woke up repeating his name to myself – Sam Sheldon.

I do not know who this Sam is. I wish I could remember his face more, but I cannot except that he was similar in looks to Rob Morrow but he was better looking. I tried a search on the internet and could not find anyone that matched the information I brought back with me from my dream. Perhaps the man from my dreams is not someone who is currently residing on Earth. Perhaps he is just a fictitious character created by me. Or maybe he is just one of my guides. I doubt I will ever know but it sure felt like a reunion with someone who is currently living a life on Earth. I wish I knew.

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What is Your Truth?

I think all my reading of channeled messages has gone to my head. Specifically I have been analyzing all of my physical, emotional and spiritual changes in the past 18 months. It is hard to lump them all into the category of “ascension” because for 10 months of the past 18 months I was pregnant. Also, I am still having a tough time categorizing my experiences; labeling them as some ascension process or even a second spiritual awakening. Ultimately, when I seek clarification from my guides I still get told that I am undergoing a “merging” process. For me, that explanation is acceptable and so much easier than all the mess of information out there about what is happening to so many people right now.

auraPhysically

The year I got pregnant (2013) was perhaps the worst year in my entire life. Actually, scratch out the word “perhaps” – it was the worst. Emotionally I was all screwed up. Blockages everywhere, trying to protect myself from the negative situation I put myself in. But physically I was sick more times in one year than ever I have remembered. First I got a nasty cold/cough that went on for almost a month. Three weeks after that I got the intestinal flu and it lasted 9 days! Skip to the Fall and I got the stomach flu AGAIN, this time while pregnant. Three times in one year is a record for me. I am never sick.

Skip to present time. I’ve had a muscle twitch in my right, deltoid muscle for a few days now. It is only noticeable when I am trying to relax, but when I do notice it I immediately wonder if it is the direct result of all that has been going on within me for the past who-knows-how-long. Today I don’t notice the muscle twitch but I am certain now that it was related to the clearing going on within me.

In the month of August I was hit with an embarrassing physical issue – specifically that my skin got all oily and nasty and my face broke out into what appeared to be a scaly rash. I could not get it to go away and it lasted over a month. I actually ended up hiding out in my house because I looked like a freak (in my opinion). Over that time I struggled with problems as a result, specifically that my husband got angry at me for my hermit-ways. I also struggled with my own vanity issues. Fun! – Not. I finally went to a dermatologist who said it was the result of 1. stress and 2. hormones. I was put on antibiotics and within days it vanished. Yay!

Another interesting change that I have noticed is that a physical ailment I have had since before pregnancy disappeared almost over night. I won’t go into detail on it but it was so concerning me that I was considering visiting my doctor to have it checked out and make sure it was benign.

One physical ailment that still has not abated has been, dare I say it? – hot flashes. I am not actually sure what is happening is hot flashes but I will say that out of the blue I feel hot and my forehead will start to perspire. I will not feel anxious when it starts but amidst it I will get a strong uncomfortable feeling and immediately want to stand in front of the fridge or turn down the a/c. I most commonly experience this over-heating phenomenon as soon as I wake in the morning, especially if I jump out of bed quickly. However, I will also have it hit me when speaking to others. Interestingly enough, it rarely happens during the day when I am alone and calm, leading me to believe it is the result of me picking up energies of others.

Another physical phenomenon that has been happening since the start of my pregnancy (leading me to believe it is hormone-related) has been intense sweating for no apparent reason. I don’t feel hot when it happens, either. When I first brought it up during pregnancy my doctor was concerned that it might be a thyroid condition. I was suppose to be checked out but never did. I figured it would stop after delivery of my baby, but it hasn’t, though it is not as frequent in occurrence.

Part of me can just chock all of the physical changes I have been experiencing to just having a baby in March of this year. But I have to say, this being my third baby and all, IF everything is just related to postpartum crapola, then why has this particular postpartum resulted in so much residual physical change?

Energetically

Energetically I have been a wreck since the year my dog, Trooper, died. It is like I was hit with a wall of emotional overload and just fell to the ground and curled up into a fetal position. It is odd to me that the loss of a pet would do that to me but we all have our breaking points. I guess that was mine.

I spent the majority of my pregnancy trying to cope with an intense anger at life and everyone around me. It didn’t make sense to me. I am not an angry person usually. Somehow I managed to get past it, but it wasn’t fun.

There was also a deep sadness that has been following me the entire time. When I succumb to it I cannot describe the depths of the anguish I feel. I have written a bit about the homesickness I have felt recently; the intense desire to check out of this life accompanied it. It hit me hard and out of the blue as well. But overall, I have always carried that feeling with me. Perhaps I have stripped away so much of my defenses and finally gotten near the core of the pain I have carried with me life after life?

Spirituallyc17d1-chakras1

Spiritually I have learned so much about myself but ultimately I still do not understand what all is going on. I mentioned in a previous post that I have been feeling drawn to read channeled messages. I still do not prefer to read them, though. There are few that I can read all the way through because of their repetitiveness. Another part about them that does not sit well with me is that there is so much written in them about Galactic this or Galactic that, DNA restructuring and other strange things. I mostly skip over that stuff because, honestly, I do not believe any of that matters. What is happening is happening because it needs to. Oh and yeah, it has happened before. It is nothing new. Yet what I read suggests it is a special thing happening to Earth and its inhabitants. Perhaps this is Ego interference? Because I have recalled many lives not on this planet and, trust me, it is not unusual. Even though change in this direction is new to Earth, if you go back far enough to early man you will find we all started out deeply connected to our Selves and this is just a return to that.

I figure I am being led to read these messages to find a message meant for me, so I read them and ultimately I do find validation about what I am going through. And that is the whole point, isn’t it? Perhaps there are some people who enjoy thinking that they are part of some “Galactic Federation” or like to believe they are receiving messages from the Pleiades. I find it distracts from the real message and maybe that is what it is intended to do. All I know is that I have learned to tune into my Self and only accept that which rings true to me.

So what do you all think about the messages you have read? Do you believe that people really are channeling Angels, ascended masters, and Pleadians? The Galactic Federation? or The Council? Do you believe our DNA is being changed? That we are being “downloaded” with information?

Take Caution

I always re-read what I have written in my posts. I do this multiple times to make sure it makes sense and flows. After reading over it just now I heard a message pop into my head. Caution. Take caution when reading the channeled messages out there. This is not so much for me – as I am wary of them by nature – but to those of you who do read them. They will distract you from Life if you become dependent upon them and this process they speak of.

Imagine that there was no such thing as the internet and channeled messages were not available to you. The only information you received came from within. That was all you had. How would it be different? How would you be different? Would you be able to tune into your Self to find your truth?

How would the changes you are experiencing be different?

When I ask myself these questions I realize that what I am going through would be unchanged. I have gotten validation through a couple of channeled messages, but really all that I know came from within. Yet I know there are so, so many out there who have not reached a level of understanding, who are still not strong in them Selves, to be capable of sifting through copious amounts of empty information in order to leave behind the raw, pure Truth.

So if you find yourself confused by too much information, stop. Stop reading it. Stop surfing the net looking and searching. You can’t find yourself there. You are right here. YOU. That is the ultimate source of Truth. There is no other who knows you like you do. No other who can answer your questions so precisely and truthfully.

I know I will not be looking at these messages anymore. They do me no good. They clutter my mind and infest me with confusion and questions. Perhaps that was my lesson. Is it also yours?

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Class Resumes

I have been sleeping very deeply lately and my dreams have been numerous and vivid. Ever since I was told/knew that I would be taking a break from astral, I have not had any OBEs, though some of my dreams have been semi-lucid. Unfortunately, I do not remember many of my dreams. This could be because I am back to working and my schedule has reverted back to early morning risings and less leisure time. However, there is likely more to this phenomenon. There seems to be some learning going on in my dreams.

Back to School

This morning I actually had a dream that I remembered. I do not remember it very vividly but what I do remember is helping me recognize what is going on while I sleep.

In this particular dream I was with another woman and we were discussing psychology class. We also talked about how close I was to earning my degree – only one more class. In the dream I was telling her I had already taken psychology and was mentally listing all the classes I had taken in my head. In my mind I could see flashes of the textbooks and very vividly I saw Intro to Psychology and Sociology. I could not remember the names of the other courses but knew they were core courses and that I had taken them. I figured each class was 3 credits each and figured I needed 15 credits. Ultimately I only had one course left to take – 3 more credits. I did not feel excited about it, though. Instead I kept feeling that something was off. I knew that 15 credits was not enough to get a minor in a subject, which is what I was working towards. Yet as I tried to figure it out I could not get my thoughts together. It was like I was completely ignorant.

The dream shifted after this and I remember being in the midst of a Middle Eastern conflict. I was still at school, but the building and surroundings were unfamiliar. All around me were white buildings and sandy ground. The earth was barren and it was very obviously desert. There were men directing people, telling them when it was safe to cross from one building to the next. I was given the go ahead to cross but hesitated when I saw what was going on. Though I could see no enemy and the soldiers were dressed in civilian clothes, something made me cautious. I watched as groups of students crossed safely. Some even lingered for a while when no gun shots were fired. I stayed, looking around at my surroundings. The ground was made of packed dirt and the buildings were white. I saw a large bus full of children, so I walked over to it. The bus was also white. I went inside. This is when I was awakened by my daughter yelling excitedly.

lifeIntegration

My interpretation of these two dreams is that I am in the process again of taking in new knowledge. This is occurring simultaneously in my waking life and during my dreams. There is also an integration of this information that is on going.

I am somewhat aware of this integration when I am awake. For example, yesterday I was drawn to send energy and healing to a young girl who needed it. She was displaying signs of being overly anxious – fidgeting, bouncing her legs and looking down at the ground. I asked her Higher Self for permission, and although I mentally heard her scream out “No!”, I knew this was not her Higher Self but her fear of the unknown. When I sent energy, I imagined white energy pouring in through her crown chakra.   Within minutes of sending energy to her, she stopped fidgeting and began to relax. I stopped to see if her behavior would resume, and sure enough it did.

Then there are the unknown aspects of the lessons and integration of them. Though they begin as unknowns, they slowly rise to the surface as I notice their synchronicity. For example, I was drawn to read this book, “Seven Weeks to Forever” by Jennifer Farwell. I have not finished the book yet, but last night I could not stop thinking about how the main character knew so much about her own future and purpose. Specifically, she knew when she would die. I found it no coincidence that I recently was reminded that my own death is not too far off. My thoughts were immediately interrupted by my guide who reminded me that I could choose. And for a brief time I was calm and filled with knowingness and understood why my guides have been repeating the message to me, “Think about your life”. I recognized that my guide was right, I will be able to choose. Stay or go. I may not remember the moment when I make this decision but it will be presented to me. And so I contemplated it and thought, “I could do so much”, thinking about my new job and the girl I helped who was struggling with anxiety. I thought about how a coworker reached out to me to help him help others with anxiety. He brought up meditation and we have a meeting on Monday about it. I recognized this was no coincidence and that I have been presented with the ideal circumstances to fulfill my life’s purpose.

All these thoughts and realizations came together in mere seconds yet I felt as it I had been contemplating it all for days. And I had, though I was not aware of it. This moment of acute awareness and recognition of it all is the moment it integrates and becomes one with the me in this body. It is hard to explain, but if you experience you will understand. It is not an “ah-ha” moment, it is an “I know” moment. And it is instantaneous yet it has always been.

Another strange thing is that when I am alone and have no pressing responsibilities to fulfill, my mind is blank and even if I try to direct my thoughts to something spiritual, I stop and resume thinking of nothing. In this time my body feels unsettled but not with anxiety. It feels as if there is an energy that has yet to be released, as if it is trapped inside waiting to get out. I do nothing to move it though, because I am not led to do this. Instead it happens in my sleep, slowly. Thus, I have been experiencing sexual dreams on a nightly basis. At first I resisted these dreams but lately I have been impatient for them. This morning when I questioned this occurrence, my guide simply replied, “You need it”.

I have also been awakened by nightmares where when I wake I am so distraught it takes me a while to differentiate between dream and reality. My guide says this is the pain I carry inside me and that they are working to help me release it. Perhaps it is linked to the sexual dreams since this is the domain of the root chakra?

Processing

I sense that I am also in the midst of processing everything to make sense of it. This is on the mental level, of course. Spiritually, I do not need to “make sense” of it, but being in this body and in this physical state, it is how I keep all the information organized and usable. It can be overwhelming and in the past, when I have been in similar states, it has pushed me to the brink of insanity. In fact, last night when my guide began communicating with me, I instinctively knew that I should not rush the process (whatever it is). I should take my time, listen and integrate the bits and pieces as they come to me. Eventually it will all start to make more and more sense.

Already I can see what the future holds for the new, more aware individuals coming into life. I couldn’t help but wonder about the young girl I sent healing to. She appeared so overwhelmed with life. I saw myself in her, except that I am over twice her age. I couldn’t imagine being in her shoes at such a young age. I could only guess that the reason she is feeling so overwhelmed is not because she has too much to do, but because she is being bombarded with energy, feelings and sensations she is unprepared to handle. In fact, the feeling I got from her is that she is wide open, similar to how I was during my mid-twenties. I have also recently met others who face similar obstacles. And I wonder, how many other children will I meet that are going through the same thing? And in thinking about all of this, I feel drawn to help, and I begin brainstorming ways to help them.

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Underground Warehouse – July, 2014

This week has been exhausting. My mornings start at 5:30am and I often do not get to bed until 10:30-11pm. Then my baby wakes up 2-3 times a night, so my sleep is continually interrupted even with the help of my husband. It is no wonder that last night, after being woken up for the fourth time, I crawled out of bed and carried a pillow and blanket to my son’s room to try and get some sleep.

Noticing I had left and obviously sleep deprived himself, my husband stomped into the room and left baby with me, yelling something at me that I could not hear through my earplugs. Realizing I wouldn’t get anymore sleep I got up and took baby back into our bedroom and then went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. It was 6am by that time I had given up on sleep yet I did not want to get up. Since baby was back asleep, I went back to my son’s room and laid down on his bed.

I was obviously upset. My whole body felt stiff and thoughts were running through my head about how to figure out how I could get a reprieve. I felt like there was no where to go to get some peace and quiet. Although my commute and time at work is time alone it is not a relaxing time. So, all I could think about was how to find time for myself, but I couldn’t see that happening.

As my thoughts raced I realized that time alone just wasn’t going to happen. I kept thinking over and over, “I want out”. At the time I felt unable to control these thoughts. Although I have been ultra busy and exhausted these last two weeks, my mood has been high even when at my tiredest. I guess it caught up to me.

After what seemed like a long time, I suddenly noticed that my body was no longer tense. Instead my body felt relaxed and almost floaty. It was then that I heard my guide say, “You feel better now, don’t you?” The thoughts were gone and I began to hear the words to the Lumineers song Stubborn Love going through my mind – “Keep you head up, my love”. Recognizing that I could finally sleep, I drifted off.

Underground Warehouse

I soon found myself in a semi-lucid dream walking towards a house. I was with some others and we were talking about the house as if it were the new house we just moved into but it didn’t look anything like our new home. It was brown instead of white and seemed dark and gloomy. It was also dark outside.

Inside I was drowsy and not fully alert. My mind felt foggy as I drifted down our stairs to the kitchen. My husband was there with our children and I went to the table to eat dinner with them. The entire time I felt like

I did not belong there; like a stranger in a strange new place. The feeling became strong, so I left the table and went to the bar to eat. I looked down at the pasta I was eating and then felt eyes on me. It was my husband giving me a questioning look. I told him I preferred to eat at the bar. 

The feeling of the dream was similar to how I felt when I fell asleep – I wanted out. So I walked outside and into the road where there were some parked cars. It was twilight and for some reason I was carrying in my hand a piece of bread.

As I walked farther out into the road, a orange striped cat came running towards me and grabbed onto the bread. I let it go so he could have it and noticed the cat was young, maybe only 1 year old, and very hungry. I told him he could have the bread and watched as he growled defensively and began to devour it. That was when I saw another cat of similar age come out, a little black tabby. I remember thinking the cats were abandoned and that we could give them a good home. I walked toward them and spoke softly to them so as to not scare them. That was when I noticed that the piece of bread was now a little black and white hamster. Not wanting it to die, I quickly gathered it up in my hands before they decided to eat it.

The scene went dark and I soon found myself walking outside of the house with a man. He was talking about a basement and showing me the door. I walked over the top of the basement, a large concrete slab, remarking that it might be a tornado shelter but soon decided it was too large for that.

We descended stairs and inside I was surprised to find a huge warehouse structure with steel beams. It was enormous! There were various objects around and I remember thinking about how we could use the space and talking about putting our trampoline in there as well as a weight room. As I looked around me, I remember seeing an old, white 1950s car (corvette?) and baby toys among other things. I also saw mechanic’s tools and a crane. There were others with me, both male and female, and I talked with them though I don’t remember what we talked about.

 As we talked, I kept feeling like I wanted to sleep but managed to stay awake. I believe this sleepiness is a result of my awareness shifting. I remember at one point I saw my husband holding our baby the wrong way and swooped in to save him from falling. This woke me up quite a bit and my awareness heightened.

As I was preparing to leave the warehouse I saw an adjoining warehouse just as big, if not bigger, than the one we were in. They called it the “game room” and I could see that it had a large air hockey set up where the figures were about half the size of a grown man. At first I was not interested in it but finally I went closer to see it. I noticed the platform that was holding the set up was partly broken down. I never went into the room. I recall telling my guides several times throughout this dream sequence, “I don’t want to be here” and “I want to stay”. The first statement at first seemed that I did not want to be in the dream but as the dream progressed I realized I was referring to being in this life, with my family, at this particular moment. The latter statement referred to me staying with my guides.

Astral Message

Recognizing that I was in a dream, I began to take control of my surroundings. The scene in front of me once again blacked out and I could feel the familiar shift in energy that comes from moving from one level to the next. I did not resist and allowed myself to make the transition.

When my vision returned I was standing in my son’s bedroom looking at the window, most likely very near my sleeping physical body (I wish I had thought to look at it!). I moved toward the window and  raised the blinds. I looked out and saw that my front yard was dusted with a light dusting of snow. It was sparkling and brilliant, appearing almost like tiny diamonds below me. I recall thinking the snow was not normal; that it must mean something but could not figure out exactly what.

Excited to get out of the house and explore, I opened the window and pushed out the screen. Standing on the edge of the window I peered down at what appeared to be a huge drop down to the snow below. I looked across at our oak tree and saw a pear, ripe for the picking, sparkling with specks of ice. I intended to pick the pear and for a moment hesitated, worrying I would drop to the ground instead of fly. Discarding my doubt I jumped out of the window.

At first I did fly but soon found myself pulled towards the ground. It was as if I were being led down – a very gradual downward pull/nudge. When I reached the ground I immediately bounced back up, willing myself to fly up and over the neighborhood . Yet I hesitated. Instead I looked down at the dusting of sparkling snow below and felt like I needed to go down this time.

When I got down to ground level I was met by two women who were standing in front of my garage. I knew them and greeted them enthusiastically, saying, “Hi!”. Both women were short. One was approximately 5ft tall and the other just a bit taller than that. I seemed to tower above them both.

The shorter woman had salt and pepper hair that was cut short in the typical style women in their 50s will wear. She reminded me of a woman I know in real life. She replied back to me, “Hi Dayna”. She was the one who was doing most of the talking although the other woman stayed close.

I told her, “I want to stay” but I did not have any feelings of sadness. It was just a statement of fact.

The woman smiled and said, “I know but you need to play the game”. I remember holding onto the word “game” and thinking to myself, “She called it a game”.

Although I don’t remember the rest of what she told me, I do remember that her message was clear. I could not stay there with them. I had things to do. I would get rest soon and just needed to be patient.

While the shorter woman was talking, another taller woman approached us from the side. She had been there all along but I had not really focused on her. She was very tall, probably about 6ft, and had short blonde hair. She appeared to be in her 40s and I would describe her as very German-like. Her demeanor was that of a very strong woman and she held herself very tall and stiff. I laugh now to think about her, as she looks almost identical to an actress (don’t know her name) who often plays German female characters who are strict and dictatorial. I remember that she seemed very displeased with what was going on. I got the distinct feeling that I was not suppose to be there and she was unhappy that I had been allowed to return and meet with them. I didn’t understand this and did not linger on it. I could care less that she was unhappy with me. I was there!

The three of them stood there with me and I was completely happy to be in their company. I turned and hugged each of them enthusiastically, kneeling down to hug the shorter of the three. I remember that when I hugged the tall, blonde that her stiffness softened and she hugged me back. I excitedly called out their names, calling the short woman “Mary” and the tall woman, “Christina”. When I called the short woman Mary I changed my mind and said, “No, it’s Maria”. She nodded and said, “Yes, Maria”. This pleased me to no end and I was just happy being there in their company.

It was then that Maria began to walk away with the other two. I watched her leave and then she stopped and turned around. She said to me, “Just remember to….” but stopped. I said, “What?” She seemed to reconsider her words and said, “Never mind. Just tell Daniella….” but again she stopped. I got the feeling she did not want me to remember and so stopped as I was holding on to every word she said with quite a bit of interest.

I do recall repeating what they said in my mind several times in order to remember. When she said the name Daniella I was confused. I thought, Who is Daniella? I don’t know her.

The scene went black as Maria walked away and I felt the familiar pull back into my body. As my energy settled I opened my eyes and realized I had been OOB.

Considerations

This is the first time I have had an astral experience like this (that I can remember anyway). Usually I do not get pulled toward the ground. In fact, I usually feel the opposite – pulled up. And never has my astral trip been so specifically focused upon me meeting up with my guides in such a way. Not only did I recognize these three women but I called them by name. Where were the familiar male guides I usually see in astral?

I can tell that I am advancing based upon this experience. I was very aware of the two different aspects of my Self throughout. There was the me that wanted to fly and explore (the “child”), and then there was the me who was purpose-driven and there for a reason the other me did not know about. Though distinctly different, the two were in harmony and felt more like two parts of a whole. I also seemed to know that my guides had called me there and then I remembered them and their names.

There was also so much that was not spoken aloud in this experience. The overall messages that were passed between myself and the others and between the three of them was that I was not suppose to be astralling at this time because it created problems. Mainly, it caused and increase in my desire to leave this body. I got the distinct impression that the other two female guides had chosen to speak to me and the third one was not in full agreement. It actually felt similar to parents disagreeing on how to discipline and parent a child, one insisting on following the rules and the other insisting on exceptions to those rules. Regardless, I was allowed to meet up with them and it was made very clear that I must fulfill my purpose before leaving this life.