Category Archives: Miscellaneous

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Birth and Death

I had a multiple choice question presented to me this morning. It just appeared in my mind as clear as day while I cuddled with my youngest after being awakened way too early.

The question appeared like this:

Which is the most difficult?

A. Birth

B. Marriage

C. Children

D. Death

My answer woke me up. I responded instantaneously: Birth. Hahahaha

I am not 100% sure that the middle two options are accurate. I have no doubt about options A and D.

I honestly think we never really get over being born, at least I never really did. I am still adjusting. My mom likes to tell the story of my birth because I was her most difficult delivery. Why? I was born breech and back then they didn’t just automatically give a c-section. They had my mom deliver me and it was no easy task. Apparently my butt came out first. LOL I like to say in response to my mom’s story, “I changed my mind and tried to crawl back in.”

Unlike most people, I have memory of my birth. The main memory of it is the pain of being squished. I got a horrible charlie horse. My left foot cramped up when I re-experienced my birth and did not settle down until I had gone over it several times. I remember the bright lights hurting my eyes. Then the cold and the warmth as they wrapped me in a blanket. Then the most beautiful sky blue eyes and an instant calm. I was later told my grandmother was the first to hold me. Her eyes were the color of the sky.

Though physical birth is difficult, it is far from the end.

I look forward to death. Just saying. I think of all of the options, death is the easiest. We get to go Home. We get to rest and celebrate our life accomplishments. Every time someone in my life dies I am jealous. I don’t grieve their passing like everyone else. I celebrate their homecoming. They are the lucky ones. I hope that when I leave this body and return Home my family and friends will celebrate with me rather than grieve for me.

 

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3D Rant

I hear and read that there is suppose to be a great upgrade underway, or something of the sort. For me, this is not true, at least not that I know of. I am struggling with all things 3D and  I have absolutely no spiritual energetic connection at this time. It is like it was shut off and nothing I do turns it back on. Meditation does nothing. Music does nothing. Yoga, well I haven’t even bothered. Asking for it back does practically nothing but I did get yelled at yesterday and had lots of OBEs. lol The OBEs are nice, but after all that transpired in December, they are nothing but interesting sideshows. So all that seems to be left for me at this time is 3D. Yuck.

I have been focused on 3D despite hating it. What else can I do? I have handled our budget crisis. Took me only a week to cut expenses where I could. I refinanced one car and then traded in the other for an older model. I am the one who got the “new” older car since I don’t go very many places. And you know what? When I went to finance the new used car, they didn’t want my husband as a co-signer despite me having no job and no income! Who sells a car to someone with no job? Mazda. hahaha

I also downgraded my phone. I still have a smart phone but wi-fi only. No more checking email while shopping, not that I get any emails really anyway. lol

Despite all the changes, we will still be cutting things dangerously close every month. That is fine with me. As long as I don’t have to go back to work and follow my inner guidance. Yeah, I’m stubborn like that.

I spent all day yesterday doing our income taxes for 2015. I got as far as I could and it was a nice reprieve from life. I don’t love doing my taxes but I like the mental focus it takes. It kept me from going stir crazy at least.

Speaking of taxes, I have been really disgusted about property taxes in our area. We pay nearly as much as our mortgage in taxes every month. That is insane. On top of all that, I see no point in even trying to pay off a mortgage because even after that is done we could still lose “our” property if we don’t pay the ridiculous taxes. Property ownership is all a big fat lie. We never really actually own anything. The government does.

Makes me want to buy a tent and live in a national forest somewhere off the grid. They would probably find a way to tax me and take my tent then as well.

I guess you can see why my guide yelled at me yesterday. I am not being a very compliant charge, wife, citizen, tax payer, person….etc, etc.

 

 

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Proposal from Spirit

I was asked by Spirit today if I would consider being a medium again.

I was not expecting it. I was doing a yearly forecast for a friend of mine (tarot reading) when Spirit stepped forward as I was tuning in. It was so crystal clear that I was a bit taken aback. I quickly took down the message and then a group in Spirit approached me.

It was like they were waiting in the shadows. I felt them – 10 of them – but one came forward to speak for the rest. That is how they usually speak to me because that is my rule otherwise they usually all speak at once and that would give anyone a headache. 😉

I wish I remember their exact words when they presented to me their “proposal”. LOL I laugh because it was very obvious this was a planned encounter. I do remember that they mentioned my heart being open as a sign that I was “available” to them in this capacity again. The woman speaking for the group was tall with very straight blonde hair that went to her hips. She looked like a model – tall, thin, angular features and blue eyes. Almost like an elf.

I told them I would allow them to come to me again (I had previously asked Steven to shut the gates to them) but I did not want them to harass or pressure me. And I would do it on my terms and only as long as it brought about good for both me and everyone else involved. In the past I stopped enjoying giving readings because I got caught up in the money making aspect of it. I was not greedy but I wanted to do it for a living. I learned quickly that making money using my spiritual gifts disagreed with me. I ended up in an Ego tug-of-war because of it and quickly entered my Dark Night (long, long story).

Mediumship is my absolute favorite spiritual gift. There is nothing like the energy that comes through or the personalities of those in Spirit I speak with. When I use this gift/ability it never ceases to blow my mind. And what is even more astonishing is that I forget pretty much everything Spirit tells after I break the connection. If I don’t record it, I lose it. All of it. It is like my memory is erased. I remember my clients would often return and say things like, “Remember when you said…..” and I would be like, “No. Sorry”. LOL

When I was openly a medium and giving readings as a living in 2003-2005 I felt the most in line with my purpose here. I wanted to do it forever. I really thought I had found my purpose. Nothing since has given me such satisfaction. I have seen Spirit again recently and held back. I don’t know if my husband would accept it. When I saw Spirit in a restaurant one time and told my husband he gave me a weird look. lol But in 2003-2005 I would openly tell people I was a medium and do readings pretty much everywhere I was. I was proud of my gift and didn’t care if it made people uncomfortable. I got a lot of strange looks! lol

My other favorite ability is my medical intuition. This ability never faded away. I always have it, but I don’t use it because I don’t want to know. Really, I don’t. 🙂 However, it is very useful in healing, so I always use my medical intuition to see energy blockages. I can usually see my own blockages as well. Since the light language transmission began and I started speaking and writing the codes, I have found that my healing ability is ten times stronger than it was. I will spontaneously begin to speak in light language while sending the healing. I have been told the healing can be felt intensely when I do this.

I suspect this is a nudge from my Team to get back on track and begin using my abilities again. Maybe this time I won’t stumble and fall flat on my face. I am definitely much more humble than I was in my twenties.

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Timelines are Collapsing

The day was going good and I am still maintaining but it is a struggle to do so. The energies have gone wild! Either that or I have.

I had to go grocery shopping. I didn’t want to and had been avoiding it for over a week. When I got there people were everywhere! Inside I felt overwhelmed but sucked it up and just shopped, focusing on my children and trying to get out of there as fast as I could. I was hit hard by someone’s energy while on the bread isle, though, and it made me feel a wave of despair and a thought of, “I can’t do this anymore. I want out”. This was not my thought!

By the time I got to the checkout line I was more stable and calm but I was receiving warnings from within telling me to protect myself. I am wide open right now for some reason!

Timelines are Collapsing

A strange thing that happened on the way to the store. I suddenly remembered a dream I had a very long time ago. I don’t think I blogged then. It was a very real dream, one of those where I woke up with amnesia for a few minutes.

In the dream I was not married to my current husband. I had instead dated someone else and we had a tumultuous relationship. It was one of those relationships where you feel you have to be together but when you are together you make each other go crazy in all ways. I remember the man vividly – what he looked like, his name, where we met, etc. But I have never met this man in my life! When I woke up I could not remember who I was and was completely confused. Instead the dream was my reality and I was frantic.

When I remembered this dream I also thought I had written it down or told someone but I knew this was not the case. I don’t even know for sure if it was a dream. Maybe I just spontaneously remembered a parallel life?

Confused by this and the crazy energy that seems to smash into me whenever I leave my house, I asked for help. I heard,”Timelines are collapsing”. What? What does that mean?

I do not wish this weirdness on anyone. I am managing just fine. I am surprised I have not lost my mind. LOL Somehow I know I can handle this.

My third eye is HUGE right now and my heart feels like a magnet. I sense that my psychic abilities are in overdrive. My sensitivity to others is extremely high right now. This seems like a return to when I first awakened. Such heightened perceptions. Such knowing. And such chaotic energy. Yet I feel like I am going to be okay. I can handle this. This is part of why I am here.

Weird! hahaha

 

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Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I watched a movie last night that I have seen many times – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. If you haven’t seen it, then you should. It is one of my favorites. The movie relates how our heart remembers even when our mind forgets – love really is the most powerful force in existence.

How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot! /The world forgetting, by the world forgot / Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! / Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d.

From Eloisa to Abelard by Alexander Pope

An explanation of the quote is here.

I had not intended to watch the movie but my husband started it and then promptly fell asleep. So I decided to watch it again because I remembered the movie so vividly from the last time I had watched it.

Without going into specifics about what I am going through currently, this movie really hit home this time around and I was sobbing by the time it ended. Of course, I had two glasses of wine in my system by that time. lol

The movie reminded me that we cannot hide from the heart, no matter how hard we try. It also reminds me of the amnesia that comes with incarnating on this planet. Despite it, we really are not as blind as we may think. Our hearts will always guide us to where we need to be if we just listen.

Are you listening?

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The Children

Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world.

Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight.

 Jesus loves the little children of the world. 

This is the song I have been singing in my head most of the day. I began to sing it after thinking about the children growing up today. I feel sorry for them. Bombarded by so much information all the time. Such easy targets.

If you want to truly know the state of the world today -observe the children. What are they doing? How do they spend their time? How do they treat one another? How do they treat the Earth?

Children are reflections. They mirror everything. I see this in my own children, but as an educator and counselor I see it also in others’ children.

I have also been thinking about the ascension movement and its potential to  affect the young, newly emerging “seekers”. I am so very happy that my awakening occurred before ascension had become “mainstreamed”, before people began openly talking and sharing their experiences. Yes, I felt alone and a bit “crazy” because I had few connections, but it forced me to rely upon my inner guidance rather than on the opinions and advice of others. This, for me, was crucial.

Had I awakened in my mid-twenties now I would have been a goner. No doubt in my mind. There is no way my fragile ego could have resisted. My four year journey through the dark night would have been doubled, maybe even tripled. I likely would have awakened sooner, too. That would have been worse!

Although I think it is great that people are less afraid to talk about their experiences, I see also the traps that lie in wait for the naive and unprepared.

I feel for the newly awakened. I pray they listen to their inner voice. I pray they are able to differentiate between their Higher Self and their Ego Self.

Sadly, I fear most will hear their Ego. They will hear what they want to hear. Just like I did. But because of the extent to which this spiritual awakening, this spiritual shift, is being spoken about, written about and shared globally, I sense an even larger hurdle is up and coming.

I see evidence of this all around me. I’m not pointing fingers. I’m just observing. I’m sad because I know the only way out is through. But worst of all is that they don’t even see it themselves.

I understand so much now about why I am so drawn to the little ones. We must protect them. We must teach them. We must prepare them.

 

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Light Language Workshop

Yesterday I attended an on-line light activation class. I signed up for it because when I saw it posted a couple of weeks ago my third-eye began to blaze with energy and I thought, “I should do that”. So I did.

Unfortunately, I was unable to fully focus on the second half of the class because my daughter arrived home from school and at the same time my toddler woke from his nap. He is a very fussy, clingy little one after a nap, so I had to hold him and console him, missing out of the last hour of the class.

I did, however, get to do the first part which invovled drumming and practicing vocalizing light language. The first part caused my third-eye to blaze intensely. The second half I struggled with but did participate in. Whenever I vocalized what was coming through my whole body was covered in warm energy that spread from my heart chakra outward. My third-eye also was very intense with energy.

I was able to write down some of what I received but was interrupted by the bus arriving. The picture above is what I wrote, but only the smaller symbols. The second half is what came out this morning right after waking.

Activation

I believe there was an activation initiated with this class but it has not been anything major for me as of yet. I was resistant to expressing the language coming through via vocalization and movement. However, I have no issue allowing the symbols to flow through and I hear the sounds/words/syllables in my mind.

My head began to hurt during and after the class. It was localized to the area right above my left eye. I was told in the class that this is not uncommon. It was not painful enough to disrupt my life and this morning it is gone.

Interpretation of Symbols

The symbols above have varying meanings and I will not go into detail about what each one means. The message includes: “Galactic Council of Light”, “trans-dimensional”, “communication”, “assimilation”, “build (house)”, “freedom” and “barriers”.

The second half, the larger section I wrote this morning, includes: “contact point”, “reference”, “destination”, “simultaneous”, “influx”, “energy”, “translocation” among others.

Overall the messages I received when put together send a message of connection and communication with the Council and Galactic Federation of Light. There is also a communication about an upcoming influx of energy and contact with my Team.

 

 

 

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Decisions, Decisions

My dreams last night have got me thinking this morning. A question comes to mind: Which is more important: To be happy and fulfilled in life and in one’s Self or to fulfill a promise you made to yourself and your family so that they will be fulfilled and happy?

It all comes down to deciding if one’s own wants, needs and desires (happiness) are more or less important than the wants, needs, desires of those one loves.

I think we have all struggled with such a decision.

For me, I have chosen others over myself. I am being asked to question this decision. I see that now. It has been asked of me before in this life not long ago. It has been asked many times. I have asked it of myself as well.

There are many considerations I have. One is looking at which option will serve the greatest good. If the decision only serves to make me happy, then it is not the right decision. However, if the option serves many others then it is.

Another consideration is that I have memory of making similar decisions in my other lives and even in this one. When I chose to make myself happy I was riddled with guilt and regret. If I chose the decision that served others I felt no guilt but I was miserable and often wondered what it would have been like had I chosen differently.

Based on my past experiences, it seems no matter what I choose I will suffer in the end.

And I am being asked to consider something now. I hear, “Perhaps it is not the decision that you should be inspecting but the ideals and beliefs behind it?”

For one, the group – collective – One – does not wish suffering on anyone. Happiness and contentment should be something everyone has and there is no reason we all cannot have this. If we put aside our belief systems and ideals – the should’s and should not’s – then we will see only a decision and whatever we choose will be honored and accepted.

For me, I can see my judgment is very clouded. There are so many ideas and beliefs linked to it that I cannot make an objective decision no matter how hard I try. I know what I “should” do, but this is based upon how I was raised and what society deems appropriate. Can I toss that out? And if I do, can I live with my decision afterward? Can I accept the contempt and upset from those around me who still adhere to the ideals and beliefs of society?

What I want to know is what is it that I wish to learn from this? Why would I put myself in such a situation unless there was a lesson to be learned? Am I trying to see if I can be objective and throw out the unrealistic and often unfair expectations my family and society places upon me?

But isn’t that part of living in this physical reality? We are to live by the rules here and that is why it is a challenge, right?

What is obvious about this decision is that I feel that if I make the right one for me, the one I know I should go with even though I don’t want to, that my path will be clearer. I will once again be able to see farther in front of me. Right now it is like there is a huge hill blocking my view and so I can only see a few feet at a time.

I am told there is no need to rush into one decision or another. Each individual moves at their own pace and the timing is not yet right for the pace at which I am moving. There is still much to be cleared, as if I must pave my own path right now so that it will be stronger and more stable than it has been in the past.

It is interesting to me that I am not stressing over this. I guess I have learned a lesson or two in this life. 🙂

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Dream: UFO 2067

I don’t know about you, but all this hoopla about the 11/11 portal has turned out to be nothing for me. In fact it’s been a big disappointment. I know we are in the midst of it right now but I have felt absolutely nothing energy-wise and even my dreams are nil.

UFO 2067

I only have one image from a dream last night, an image of a UFO with the year 2067 attached to it. I remember standing in my mother’s front yard looking up at the sky and seeing what appeared to be a structure composed of silver beams just floating there. What was odd about it was that it had no insides – it was just a bunch of beams and even the beams were ladder-like, kinda like DNA strands. I then saw in golden letters, “2067”. I remember telling someone who was with me the numbers I saw but I don’t know what they mean. When I awoke I assumed the numbers represented the year I would die and this angered me. I hope I don’t live that long! How awful that would be!

Refusal

When I woke I had all kinds of upset over my “mission” here on Earth. For some reason I woke feeling my mission is simply to live a normal, “quiet” life where I help random people here and there. How I help them is unknown, which I think is the worst part of it for me because I don’t get any validation or appreciation. I am okay with this mission but I am not okay with not having the spiritual experiences and connection, which seem to have dropped off to nothing since I got that stupid cold. I don’t understand why I can’t have these experiences and connection all the time? Why does it wax and wane so frequently?

I got out of bed on a mission. The mission was to make sure that I do not have to return to the workplace. I don’t care what my guides/Team urge me to do, they will not push me back in the direction of working in a system I do not believe in. And there are signs that money will be tight: my husband is a spender and has not been sticking to our budget, business is slow, and my husband keeps dropping hints that I should go back to work.

My husband and I had a talk this morning and I made it clear that I was not going back to work in my normal career. We discussed our budget and how to free up money. We are likely going to get rid of one of our cars and buy a cheaper one and I will be getting rid of my smart phone as soon as I can, which will be in February next year. If we can get rid of or reduce one car payment then my husband should have his “spending” money and so be happy for at least a little while. Right now he doesn’t want to lose his car (the most expensive of our two) so this may take some persuasion on my part.

No Idea What’s Next

Now I just feel deflated. I cannot imagine living until 2067 (that’s just torture!) or even to 2016 for that matter. Life feels tedious and burdensome. If this is what the 11/11 gateway or portal is, then I guess I am getting a good dose of it.

I am in a hurry to just get this life done and move on. In fact, I have felt this way for as long as I can remember! That kinda makes me laugh a little because time is FLYing by it seems. Yet when I am in the moment it seems to drag. Honestly, I hate that time exists. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

What comes next, I have no clue. I am tired of wondering/wandering. If I lost everything right now I wouldn’t care. None of it matters. All that matters is Home and getting back to it.

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Sick and Feeling Sick

I have had this cold far too long. Part of me feels it will never go away. I cough so much in the morning that my stomach hurts and I get a headache. I am fine during the day at least.

Unfortunately, the illness seems to have taken with it all my spiritual bliss and energy sensations. My third eye which had been blazing with energy for weeks suddenly stopped blazing. I am lucky if I get even a smidgen of energy there. Similarly, I have not felt any activity in any of my other chakras either.

This cold has me thinking it will turn into full blown pneumonia. I keep thinking that all my requests to go Home are going to come about with me dying a miserable, suffocating death by pneumonia.

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

My connection with my Team has diminished significantly as well. I won’t say they are gone but it feels as if they are farther away. When I hear my guide his energy is more muted and I struggle to believe I am even talking to him, convincing myself that it is my Ego making it up so that I don’t feel alone.

Thankfully I do still get occasional warm rushes of energy from my guide. This alleviates my paranoia somewhat.

It is funny how when this perceived distance exists between myself and my Team that I get sad and begin to beg for the connection to return. It is like the old saying, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder”. I feel desperate to have back what it seems I have lost. I know, however, that it is merely a perception mistake on my part. The “distance” I feel is merely a loss of equilibrium within me.

No Rest for the Weary

The worst part of being sick and feeling disconnected is that my entire family is still stuck in before-daylight-savings-mode. It is slowly getting better, but I am still being awakened far too early for my liking. My middle son is the worst. He is waking at 5am and falling asleep at 7:30pm. I have tried to get him to go to bed later, but he just won’t. The other two are going to bed later but when my middle son wakes up, he wakes the other two up, too. He also wakes up my husband. So the entire house is up while I put a pillow over my head desperate for some sleep. Plus, when I wake up, I am overcome by coughing so much that I end up just getting out of bed because the coughing won’t let me rest. Ugh!

I am told by my guide that I must rest and recuperate. So I try but with a busy family it is just dang hard. I stay home with my two youngest all day and even though they are sick, too, they seem full of energy and hell-bent on wreaking havoc on my household. I just can’t keep up.