Category Archives: Music

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Dream Premonition: On Watch

Woke at 11am in tears from a dream and then went on to have what I feel is a premonition in a dream.

Dream: All is Love

Despite the intensity of this dream, because it was so early in the night, I don’t recall many specifics now.

I remember walking through an empty house. It reminded me of my mom’s house but also of other houses I’ve lived in throughout this lifetime. A man had come to visit me. I recognized him in the dream as someone I love dearly but cannot place him in this lifetime based upon looks alone. My response to his visit was to make him wait. I was busy, with life I guess. In the midst of my busyness something told me to turn around. When I did, I realized the man was about to leave. I ran up to him and he turned around to face me. In his eyes I saw that his feelings for me had changed. I said to him, “You don’t feel the same, do you?” He told me he did not. I asked him if he still loved me, my heart beginning to ache and tears forming in my eyes. He said he did not, but those weren’t his exact words. What he said was much more kind. I began to sob. An indescribable feeling spread from my chest outward. This is when I began to hear Clair de Lune playing in the background. The feeling was hurt and grief – an overwhelming pain and loss/decimation. He attempted to explain that this was the way of things here (in the physical). It was difficult for me to hear, though, as the pain was to the point that it woke me. The last thing I heard him say was, “Let it go.”

Still crying but wide awake, the explanation was presented again. I was shown a crystal. A pure, white light went into one side and out the other came a rainbow of color. The love I am seeking is the pure, white light. The love of the physical is the rainbow. Love in the physical is broken into the many emotions we experience here – love, hate, guilt, pain, passion, envy, fear, etc. What I am seeking is the unchanging love I am use to but the love I find, over and over again, is not that. I am finding a love that changes as all things change here in the physical. What else did I expect? 

Premonition Dream: On Watch

I was in Montana in college. I remember going to class and giving the teacher a name that was not mine: Heather Heather. I remember telling this name to the teacher, laughing uncomfortably at how nonsensical it sounded. I sat in my desk thinking about the name and how it would make all the coursework I was doing invalid when it came time to graduate because the name wouldn’t match my transcripts. 

I must have left the classroom because next I was in a car traveling through the streets of a familiar city in Montana. It made me happy to see all the natural beauty around me and I began to think of my ex-father-in-law and wondered if I should meet up with him. It was something I very much wanted to do.

The scene shifted and I was with my father-in-law. He and I had gone on a hike. I heard/Knew of a young female student who had shown great promise and was now a professor at the university. She excelled in the study of plate tectonics. I saw a visual of her working over a map, using a device to sketch potential earthquakes in Montana. I saw her draw two circles, one very much in the west and the other to the east of that point. I heard, saw and even wrote her name, but all I recall now is the initials C.S. 

There was a brief portion of the dream where I spoke with this seismologist. I asked her where the most recent earthquake was and she said, “Kalispell”. I told her I would avoid the town and then mentioned how many more people are likely to live there now. She then showed me the eastern location of a second earthquake. I felt forewarned.

Next, I was taken by my FIL to a dirt road. In the road had been dug four square holes. Inside was placed devices to measure the movement of the earth. There were also sign-in sheets near the holes. This is when I signed the name with the initials C.S.

Then my father-in-law took me on a drive to another location. As we drove down a seemingly remote road the trees opened up to a small, circular town. We got out and went on a hike up the mountain. My father-in-law said his hands were cold and asked if I could warm them. I let him put his hands in my pockets with mine and warmed them. He was behind me, our bodies touching, as he warmed his hands. I could feel his interest and got somewhat uncomfortable. He is at least 25 yrs older than me. As I prepared to move forward he stopped me and put his face and lips very close to my own as he stared me in the eyes. It was intense and I waited. He then kissed me passionately. All I remember is the feeling of a sloppy kiss which was not that nice. He then turned and went back down the mountain, giving me a sausage stick and a banana on the way down. I rushed after him, eating the items quickly but discarding part of the banana, yet I did not feel hungry.

I began to wake but lingered in the in-between for a while. This is when I heard and saw written on a wall in my mind, “On watch” and I remembered vividly the map with the circles, the city of Kalispell and the warning of two earthquakes. 

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OBE: Storm Warning

Another unexpected OBE. 🙂

Dream: Massive Fish Aquarium

I was going to the church with my husband. He was invited to an event and he was unsure if he would go because of the distance he would have to travel. I laughed saying it had only taken a few steps to get there and he disagreed. I thought perhaps he meant the distance from inside our house so I said, “Okay, maybe about 7 minutes max.” He left and I drifted off into a deep sleep waiting for his return. I would momentarily wake to see if he was around. In one of those moments, there were two young women sitting beside me. One was talking about being there to take a test and mentioned the grade she would need. I told her, “It has to be 100%”. This made us all laugh for some reason. I looked around for my husband and said to them, “I guess he left me.” 

Around this time I noticed an aquarium in the room. I went up to investigate, looking at all the beautiful fish inside it. The more I looked, the bigger the aquarium seemed until it seemed to surround me from floor-to-ceiling. There were tropical fish the size of a football inside. A woman asked me a question about it. I think it was whether it was a salt or freshwater tank. I told her freshwater. I lingered, worrying the fish hadn’t been fed and wondering how it was cleaned. 

I seemed to drift off to sleep again despite fighting heavy eyes. I remember becoming aware of what I was wearing at this time, a bit worried it was too little. I was wearing workout tights and a white workout bra. I decided I didn’t care and drifted off to a heavy, wonderful sleep. Sometime in this drugged state I overheard the women talking about a storm coming. One said to the other, “You might make it. It’s hasn’t reached four corners yet.” 

OBE: Storm Warning

Eventually, I opened my eyes and found myself sitting outside on a bench in the dark. There is vague memory of someone telling me something, nudging me to get moving. So, I began to take off my clothes as if readying myself. This is when I felt like I was being watched. I turned and looked over my shoulder. In a window high above me was a little girl peering down at me. She was just staring at me and I waved at her, saying hello. She had a blank look on her face which made me worried that what I was doing was inappropriate. I decided I didn’t care and began to remove my clothing anyway. However, I paused, recognizing the situation made no sense. I said aloud with certainty, “I’m out-of-body.” 

I stood up and felt my surroundings shift in such a way that reverberated through my astral body. I was soon aware of myself in my bed and my vision had gone totally black. I didn’t even have a perception of my surroundings in that black and white, shifty mental vision I usually have. 

There was a song playing loudly. A person was singing along with an accompaniment of music. They were singing, “It’s time to….move.” It was an upbeat song and so I sang along, knowing that if I sang my vibration would rise. 

I quickly moved through the house, instinctively heading towards the front door, singing the entire time. My vision didn’t turn on and I was completely blind, yet I somehow knew where I was. It was my Mom’s house. I fully believed when I made it outside my vision would turn on with stunning clarity. It always has in the past. Unfortunately, I was greeted with total darkness. This didn’t phase me and I continued outside, still singing loudly.

I hadn’t gotten far when I was hit hard in the head. My first thought was, “That really hurt!” It was a very physical pain. It knocked me to the ground and I thought, “That’s never happened before.” Strangely enough, the knock on the head brought on my vision. I looked up and saw what had hit me. It was a large oak tree, its massive branches low to the ground, surrounding me almost like a nest. I climbed out, looking up at the sky. There were massive, black storm clouds over the top of the house. The wind was whistling threateningly. I tried to take flight, intending to fly directly into the clouds, but it felt like I was anchored to the ground. So, I turned around to look in the opposite direction. Just above the treetops I could make out a menacing, rotating, mass of lighter colored clouds. It was a tornado. The howling wind sounded almost like a scream and stopped me in my tracks. I felt an energy hit me in my chest. Thinking it bad, I fought it unsuccessfully. Soon after, I woke up in bed, my heart chakra warm and tingly. 

Upon waking the song was still clear as day in my mind. I made a voice recording of it and went back to sleep.

Considerations

What stands out to me the most in the above dream and OBE was how real it felt when I bumped my head. It was a very physical pain. It seemed almost like someone punched me to get my attention, and it worked. The next thing that stands out is my reaction to the tornado and how the energy hit me square in the chest. I wouldn’t call it fear exactly. It was more in line with nervous excitement or that anticipatory feeling one gets right before an important event. One would think the tornado would cause fear and that fear would be felt in the pit of the stomach. And, of course, there is the song message that was repeating throughout: It’s time to move. IDK if this means changing physical location, if I was just being nudged to move in that moment, or something else.

The other symbolic aspects that stand out are the fish in the aquarium. Fish, for me, are symbolic of ideas. These fish were numerous, active and healthy. The drowsy feeling indicates a desire to withdraw into my own world or perhaps to be sleepwalking through life. Finally, I am taking off my clothing when I realize I am dreaming. I haven’t done that in ages. Removing my clothing or being naked indicates a willingness to be vulnerable by exposing myself completely. 

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Dream Hints at Future Kundalini Changes

Woke feeling good this morning. 🙂

Dream: Electric Fireplace

I was in a large house with family. My uncle was there as was my mom and siblings, though I never saw them. Also, my uncle didn’t look like my real life uncle. I mentioned how I wanted to replace all the old furniture in the home. Someone pointed out there was already new furniture. I saw a new sofa and tables. I said I only wanted to replace the old stuff. Then a replacement of the fireplace was brought up by my uncle. The fireplace was located in the middle of the house, between the kitchen and living room. he suggested we put in an electric one. He had a price quote and everything. I just remember looking at the part of the quote indicating they demolished the old fireplace to put in the new one. It was around $1900. I asked if there was any way to keep the old one in case we changed our mind and wanted a regular fire. I was told, “No”. I looked at the old, brick and mortar fireplace and imagined a new, high-tech electric one in its place. The fire burned steady and blue rather than red/orange and inconsistent. I knew there was another regular fireplace upstairs located in the master bedroom because I saw it in my mind/memory. I told my mom she could move her bedroom up there. I knew she disagreed and wanted a real fire in a real fireplace. I also suggested every one’s bedrooms be moved upstairs.

Interpretation

My “uncle” in this dream is likely a guide. I’ve had other dreams with him acting as a guide, so that makes the most sense. My suggestion to change the furniture in the house represents “ideas I rest upon”. These ideas depend on the type of furniture. The kind I imagined was mostly living room furniture, so I may have been looking to change my ideas and beliefs related to home/family. It was pointed out that I’d already replaced some, meaning I’ve made progress in this area.

The replacement of a regular fireplace with an electric one is likely related to the Kundalini. Fire can be a symbol of desire but it can also represent feelings of love (bliss) and comfort. To replace a regular fireplace, or a place where fire can be kindled and burn, with an electric one, where another kind of fire can burn, suggests a change in the Kundalini. My best guess is that my guidance is indicating a less intense Kundalini is on the way, one that burns consistently. Blue, as a color, is typically considered cool and calm, like water. The color could also hint at the Kundalini being more feminine in nature, as in the flowing nature of the Divine Feminine.

Overall, the dream felt good and when I awoke the symbolism of the fireplace was immediately at the forefront of my mind. My thoughts went to the differences between real and electric fire/flame to try and get an understanding of what was being communicated to me. If the new fireplace is calmer, cooler and more consistent, it could mean a smoother ride altogether, which fits with what I’ve read/heard about the Kundalini end stages.

Dream: Singing to Myself

I had a short dream after this one where I was laying on a couch. Behind me there were others trying to sleep. Songs popped into my mind and I suddenly wanted to sing. So, I did. At first, I tried to be quiet but the music couldn’t be contained and my whisper of a song soon was at full volume. It felt wonderful to sing, too. The first song that came out was a country song I recognized but that had been altered to a more pop/dance version. The only part I remember is “goodbye”. When I sang it, I knew it was a message I was singing to myself. 

When finished with that song, another popped into my head. It was reminiscent of Evanescence. It had a melancholic feeling to it. Yet singing it felt just as good as singing the other song, which was more upbeat. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the words to this song, but the sense I have with me now is that it was a song telling a love story and, again, it ended with “goodbye”. 

Within the singing, I began to grow more lucid. I didn’t wake up in the dream, which is typical of me these days. Instead, I stayed stable in the dream, allowing it to progress. I feel like I do this so as to allow my HS to come through. It’s as if I go into a “dream trance”. 

There was another mention of “goodbye” and I remember saying, “I don’t want to die”. This was repeated, as if someone was questioning me. In the dream, as the observer, I remember questioning the statement because it was clear something unpleasant was being discussed. No one likes goodbyes. Yet the feeling was not sad at all. 

Then I overheard myself saying a couple of other things. I told myself, “Just because you don’t ‘own it’, doesn’t mean it’s not real”. And I also said, “I pretended to be blind rather than see the truth”. 

These two statements were made at different times, but it felt like the topic had to do with my previous responses to the Kundalini. Specifically that I attached meaning to the Kundalini experience when the Kundalini experience itself cannot be conceptualized. Both statements indicate an unwillingness to see something, probably because I did not want to accept the truth. 

Song

The following song lyrics have been popping into my mind the past two days: “Oh sometimes, I get a good feelin’. I get a feelin’ that I never, never, never had before. I get a good feelin'”. When I think of the song, I feel positive and hopeful for the future. It is so nice!

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Lucid Dream: Just Let Go

Yesterday afternoon, I was driving my daughter home from a friend’s house. I had just merged onto the highway and came to another entrance ramp and had to slow to let a truck merge. Something fell out of the truck and rolled in a crumpled heap on the road. At first I thought it was a squirrel but it jumped up, very much alive and well, and it was a kitten! It ran into the grassy median. The truck must’ve seen it, braked hard and drove through the median and onto the feeder road going the wrong way. Both myself and my daughter were relieved the kitten had survived.

While this may seem like a coincidental happening, I don’t believe it was and I will reveal why later.

Then, last night I had a fleeting thought about how my sleep no longer feels like the reprieve it once did. I no longer look forward to sleep nor do I look forward to writing in my blog or journal because of it. Then came a thought of, “This is about the time something normally happens.” “Something” meaning an OBE, lucid dream, K dream or guide visit (or all of the above). 

Lucid Dream: Just Let Go

I suddenly became aware of traveling inside a car. I was floating inside, not sitting, and the details of the actual car were missing. It was more like a huge, confined space. I felt someone with me but didn’t see him. I thought of him as Tom Cruise (lol). He directed my attention to an open moon roof above me. I think he suggested I go out and my mind responded with uncertainty. There was a feeling of being told that I should take the risk, that’s what Tom would do. 

So, I went through the window. My thoughts were focused on what could happen with the main scenario being that I would float and not fall. Sure enough, I floated over the moving car and it sped ahead. Below I could see the road, above a blue sky and around me tall trees. 

I flew forward as I continued to talk with the man in my mind. My vision was clear as I flew, but I was mostly looking inward so my memory of the scenery is limited to flashes of imagery. Eventually, I came to some structures and flew through them one by one. Fully expecting to feel the fibers and constructions of the objects, I braced myself, but only felt an interruption in energy and lost my vision briefly. Some structures took longer to fly through than others. The more objects I passed through, the less tense I was. 

At one point, as I was flying and practicing moving through objects, I began to focus on my breathing, taking deep, purposeful breaths. The whole time I was talking with the man who I never once saw but perceived to be flying beside me.

Eventually, I paused and just floated a while, still taking deep breaths. I close my eyes and flipped upside down and then spun around. This also made me feel a bit worried but I reassured myself that however I landed would be right side up. Still spinning, a song-like chant began to go through my mind. It was a woman’s voice singing, “Just let go….Just let go…Just let go….” I began to sing along with her, my breathing deepening. The sensations of floating and slowly spinning was pleasant but I knew I was gaining lucidity quickly because I began to have awareness of my physical body, specifically breathing and the sensations of my closed eyes.

In the background, behind the main chant-like message of “Just let go”, another song was playing in my mind. It was Imagine Dragons, It’s Time. 

It’s time to begin, isn’t it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I’ll admit
I’m just the same as I was
Now don’t you understand
That I’m never changing who I am

As I grew more lucid and right before I opened my physical eyes, I saw visuals of symbols flying at me at high speed and then disappearing into me, as if being absorbed. I recognized them as Light Language and this was what finally woke me.

Knowing

Once awake I struggled to return to sleep. I had a familiar feeling of Knowing, something I haven’t felt in a long time, and when I thought about the dream I received tingling energy hugs that spread from the center of my back to my front in waves. 

Besides the more obvious messages of the songs, I Knew the dream practice of going through objects contained a message. The objects represented moments in life where I would run into obstacles and temporarily lose sight of the path ahead. I would also experience an interruption in energy. This interruption and loss of vision had the potential to throw me off kilter but was temporary. I remember distinctly knowing that “Tom” said to me when I got to the other side of one of the objects, “You are the same now as you were before.” This is probably where the Imagine Dragons song came from. This message was loud and clear as I lay in bed contemplating the experience. It is true. Every obstacle I encounter in life has the tendency to throw me off for a while. I lose sight of my path and the energy feels all wrong. Eventually, though, I get to the other side and when I do I am exactly as I was before but perhaps with more courage and insight.

There was also a distinct reminder that I am a walk-in. Not long ago, on May 29, I had a dream in which I was reminded of this fact, too.

“I saw an older Asian woman sitting, legs extended on a large bed covered in nice linens. She said, “Come. Sit on my lap.” I hesitated, not knowing who she was or why she would ask such a thing. She patted her lap encouragingly, so I climbed up onto the bed with her. I said, “I am too big.” She patted her lap again and so I climbed onto her lap. She asked, “What is bothering you?” I suddenly felt very much like a small child in her grandmother’s lap. Sadness and grief swept over me and I replied, “I wish I were Home.” I burst into tears and woke up. 

The conversation with the woman continued after I woke despite my trying to return to sleep. The conversation details are mostly lost to me now. The main thing I recall is that I Remembered all at once and Knowing returned. To summarize, I remembered that I was a walk-in and had been integrating for quite a long time.“

After the above dream I still doubted the walk-in because memory of those times seems like a dream; like it wasn’t real and never happened. The return of Light Language symbols in this dream seemed to scream, “Remember who you are.” 

Dream: No Ordinary Guide

I managed to return to sleep and had another telling dream. In the dream I was with my friend Angela and a man who I didn’t recognize. He was young and black and quite attractive. We were sitting at a table discussing hair and he said he was growing his out. I asked if he planned to grow an afro again and he said yes with a big smile. I told him he looked good with it and also that he was very attractive and if I were his age I would date him. lol I then reminisced about my youth for a bit.

The discussion shifted to the spiritual and guides. I ended up channeling a guide who I thought was Angela’s but turned out to be my own. The young black man would ask me questions and I would answer them. I also had a blind fold over my eyes and kept it there for quite a long time. 

What I most recall about this guide was he was no ordinary guide. When I described his purpose it was quite profound. I wish I can recall the exact words now! In summary, though, he was not a typical guide but one sent to assist in ascension specifically. That was his only purpose. My sense in the dream was that he was “one of those guides” as in the kind I use to encounter that often resembled ETs or ascended masters. 

Eventually I took off my mask and drove my friend to her appointment. I got lost, though, and we ended up arriving late and the hair dresser wouldn’t do her hair. My friend asked me to color her hair and I agreed and the dream ended. 

Back to the Kitten….

The evening of the walk-in dream (May 29th) I had a short dream about a kitten. Cats and kittens symbolically represent the Divine Feminine, at least for me. I don’t like cats so dreams about cats and kittens are not because of my love for them. So, when they make an entrance I pay attention.

“Then I watched as a new, fluffy, orange kitten was being introduced to a house that had two adult cats, one male and the other female. The kitten was first introduced to the female, a calico, who initially hissed at it but then began to mother it. Then it was introduced to the male who immediately liked it. They both treated it like their own and someone commented that the kitten reminded the cats of their own kittens who had long been given away.“

When I woke from the above above dream, the Asian woman from the earlier dream sent me a vision.

“I was reminded that it was time to step into my role; who I was to become (or something like that). I saw at this time a large, gold embellished picture frame with no picture inside as a visual of the message. It felt like I was to create what would be displayed in the frame. I knew it was a picture of myself that was meant to go there.” 

I don’t think it coincidence that I saw the kitten fall out of the truck and survive on the highway. It is too “coincidental ” that I had a walk-in reminder dream right after.

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Message: 50 Days, Courage

Can’t recall much of my dreams last night. 😦 Hopefully one will come to mind as I type.

I did get a vision with a message, though.

In the in-between I was talking to myself (or maybe there was someone there) and said, “In 100 days I will dump IT ALL.” The feeling with my words was desire to completely unburden myself. In response, I found myself traveling through a field of trees covered in pinkish-white blooms. I heard as I flew through them, “50 days. [Have] courage.”

When I woke up I thought, “Cherry trees.” We don’t have cherry trees that bloom here in Texas but I’ve seen them before, when I traveled to the east coast. The tree blooms also looks very similar to peach tree blooms and crape myrtle blossoms.

50 days from today is Tuesday, May 9th.

The sakura (cherry blossoms) bloom in Japan from mid-March through early May.

Cherry blossom symbolism:

“They have come to symbolize ephemerality or transient nature of life. This reflects a… Buddhist concept in Japanese culture known as “mono no aware,” or roughly, “the pathos of things,” which recognizes both the beauty and mortality inherent in life.”

“It is a time associated with the end of one chapter, and the opening of the next. In Japanese, the word “natsukashi” reflects a kind of nostalgia tinged with both happiness and sadness.” Source

For some time now I’ve felt a subconscious urgency to drop everything – work, relationships, self-identity – and just leave. This very same feeling is what accompanied the above vision.

To consider dropping everything feels…..freeing. The main reason I don’t act on the feeling is the not-knowing of what would come after. What would I do? Where would I go? Who would I become? My attachments in life keep me firmly rooted in place.

I do recall my dreams now. 🙂

I was in a gym sitting on a workout bench. A very muscular man was on the other side of the bench sitting under a cable machine. His face looked pained. We were talking. I told him how much I enjoyed working out and how I was a certified personal trainer. I specifically recall telling him that I have never used my certification because it brings me anxiety.

At one point I noticed he was favoring his right leg, putting his hand down to massage it every once in a while. I gave him some suggestions on how to help. His reply to my suggestions was to admit defeat, specifically citing his aging body. He told me he was 50 years old and always knew his body would one day force him to stop [working out].

Another another….

The dream began with me confronting a problem. I was in a relationship with a man while I was still married to a woman. I decided to talk to her about ending our marriage. My wife had short, cropped, blonde hair and was shorter than me. She resembled a feminine man. When I told her the news she took it gracefully. She walked up to me, pulled me to her chest and kissed the top of my head while stroking my hair. She told me how much she loved me and that it was okay. She asked me if wanted to marry this man. I said with some force, “No! I will never marry again.”

And one more….

I was on a long walk in a rural setting. Music was playing in my headphones and I was in high spirits. As the music played my mood rose higher. I began to think of working out after my run, which I hadn’t planned to do. Suddenly, I took off in a sprint. There was a moment when I second guessed my decision because I wasn’t wearing the proper workout clothing, specifically a running bra and running shoes. I decided to keep running and with just a thought I was wearing the correct running gear. I could feel the wind in my hair as I ran. The speed at which I ran was so much that it felt like I was flying. The scenery changed from a more rural setting to urban. As I entered an intersection I began to sing along to the music, my mood rising even higher. I felt free.

I woke up feeling invigorated and positive. A song verse was on my mind – “I don’t want your desire. I just wanna to be free.”

I am familiar with the song but didn’t know all the lyrics. Looking at them I recognize the song very much mirrors how I’ve been feeling for a while.

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Wish I Could be Part of that World

Finally good sleep! And lucid experiences!

Dream: Tiny House

I was visiting this place that had a bunch of tiny houses together on one lot. The houses were two small  bedrooms linked by a bathroom (may be symbolic of marriage). Inside they had high ceilings and antique furniture (the past). The entire place smelled old to me. In my room there was a double bed with an antique hutch. Inside the drawers were all kinds of things from the past, most women’s earrings (love and relationships). I picked up a pair that was colorful, dangly and heavy and thought, “These must be from the 70’s”. 

The door (opportunity) into and between the rooms got stuck and I somehow broke it trying to open/close it. There was a woman there who reminded me of German Hilda type – broad shoulders, square jaw, tall and somewhat intimidating. She was in charge of the tiny house and came in to fix the door. She called in another woman and they worked together to fix it while I wandered outside. Outside there were city streets reminiscent of somewhere in Europe. There was a building that reminded me of a museum (reflecting on the past) with a path that went back into a heavily treed park. I walked down it looking around at all the greenery and space, curious about the museum which looked like it was also a research facility of some kind. Right before I woke up I think I ran into a man but can’t quite remember. 

Dream: Detective Visit

I heard a knock at the door (I was at my Mom’s house). When I opened it I saw a man who I instantly recognized. I called him, “Detective” (new beginnings, justice) and asked him why he was there. He said, “Sorry, but it looks like I’m going to have to get your statement/report. They are going to move forward with the investigation.” I asked, “Why? It doesn’t make any sense.” There was memory of past events. Apparently I upset a female classmate and she was pressing charges. The extent of the upset I never remembered but it felt like she was throwing a tantrum and trying to get attention. Exasperated, because the ordeal had been on-going for some time, I asked the detective, “Is there anyway to make this go away? Do you think she will accept a settlement? I could just pay her $50k and apologize.” I went on to say, “I wasn’t even in contact with her from April through June.” I saw a calendar in my mind and knew I was attending classes the entire time. I then said, “I don’t even have to stay in school. I already have a degree.” I thought some and then said, “I have a Master’s degree already.” The detective, a handsome blonde man (almost too handsome IMO) about 6 feet tall, gave me a look and sighed. It appeared he didn’t seem to think it was a good idea. 

Series of Lucid Events

I woke from the dream feeling really, really groggy. I happily returned to sleep, asking to go OOB or be lucid. It has been so long and I miss it.

Almost instantly I was lucid, feeling the heavy energy of my astral body sitting superimposed over my physical body. I could perceive both my physical environment and the astral one. I knew I needed to move OOB and so attempted to but it seemed every time I tried, something in the physical would distract me. There were noises off as usual but also physical sensations of the body like the heaviness of my blanket, the feeling of the bed beneath me, my arm going numb, etc. 

The scenes I found myself in varied. Mostly it was dark and I only had my other senses, vision being turned off for some reason. When I did see it was as if in a dream. I was lucid but confused and not actively controlling the dream. 

For example, at one point I was trying to relax so I could go OOB and found myself kneeling next to the piano bench. It was topped with my boys’ freshly washed clothing. One son was there picking up his clothes and asking me questions, distracting me. I could see the piano and the bench but not him. The sensations were the most memorable. The heavy feeling was wonderful and I fell backwards into it, hoping to pop OOB. Instead, I just landed on my bed (I was already OOB but didn’t realize it). 

In another instance I was in front of a man I thought I recognized as a past boyfriend. I could see his face clearly but it was younger than I recall and the features that use to distract me about him were softened and so he was pleasant to look at. I thought, “I really want to kiss him now!” Then confusion hit me. I couldn’t recall my life, specifically asking myself, “Who did I marry?” lol I had no idea. My memory was blank. 

Then I was standing in front of two men still trying to recall who I married. I thought the one on the left was the boyfriend from before but the more I looked at him the more I realized he wasn’t. I looked at the man on the right and had no idea who he was. Looking back and forth I was concerned because I couldn’t remember ANYTHING. The man on the left called in two other men who seemed like his strongmen or bodyguards. I instantly thought to myself that he was trying to influence my decision and scare away his competition. I didn’t care because I still didn’t know who I was or who I married.

The confusion brought me back to body awareness and the scene vanished. Feeling calmer I went back to focusing on going OOB. Again, I decided to fall backward. This time, after a short distance where I floated like a feather, I landed on grass. I could feel the cool blades of it poking my back. I laughed to myself and enjoyed the sensation of it. Still, though, I didn’t realize I was OOB and attempted to leave my body without success. 

When I finally came back to body awareness the floaty feeling remained with me. Part of a song came to mind: “Wandering free, wish I could be, part of their world”. 

I immediately told my guidance, “Thank you.” Then I said, “But I wanted to go OOB.” I heard back, “You still need to heal.” I said, “Going out of body is healing!” I got no reply to that. I’m not sure why healing is a reason not to be lucid or go OOB. Still trying to figure that one out. 

The song continued and I agree – Wish I could be, part of that world (astral world that is).

by

Dream Message: It’s Too Late When We Die

More strange dreams.

Dream: Kiera 

I was in a dark basement room with my friend from high school. There was a tiny bit of light and she was standing in it. I said, “Stay there. I want to take your picture.” She looked up and I aimed my camera. A little boy who was drawn like a cartoon character stood beside her. I looked beyond the camera lens and he was gone. I aimed again and he returned. Again and again he kept photo bombing the shot. Eventually, though, I got the photo without him in it. I told my friend about it, shocked, describing what he looked like. I said, “I think he may have been your future child.” 

We went to bed and when I awoke I was alone. I noticed on the walls were pictures in sequence of a fundraising event from when my friend and I were in school. Kids of various ages each took turns sitting in a wooden chair in a field. Their friends were around them cheering and applauding.

Above the display were words describing why the photos were there. It said something about displaying creativity instead of keeping it hidden. Toward the bottom were photos with me. I was hiding in most of them with my younger sister trying to get me to participate. She was smiling and having a good time. In several of the last photos loads of cash was being thrown over my head. I didn’t look amused but I did pose for pictures. 

I decided to leave the basement and explore my surroundings. The next thing I recall is being in a hotel lobby. A man came up to reception saying he had way too much alcohol left and he was leaving that morning. He asked if he could give it away. They agreed and he brought bags full of alcohol to the table – unopened six-packs of beer, opened wine and liquor containers, etc. People came up to take the free alcohol. I drifted closer, curious, and the man asked me if I wanted some. I declined. 

There was one small, yellow bottle that didn’t look like alcohol. The name suggested it was an arousal tonic for men. I mentioned it to the man and he confirmed what it was for. I said, “Kinky. Sounds like you were having fun.” He said, “We were neighbors.” He motioned to the hotel and said something about shared space, specifically restrooms. That was when I realized I was not there alone and the hotel was being used as a convention space for a gathering.

In his words I also recognized a light-hearted invitation. He looked kind of like Sting (the older version) and I was not interested. I am sure I blushed, though, and told him no thank you.

The man then dumped wads of cash onto the table. There were several woman there who eagerly grabbed it up. I said, “I want some.” One woman looked at me as if I had just threatened to kill her. She pulled a stack of bills closer to her and said I couldn’t because I didn’t take any alcohol. I said, “I don’t want/need that,” motioning at the bottles, “but I do need the money.” The others at the table looked at her with intent, their eyes saying, “Don’t be so greedy.” The woman handed me a wad of bills. On the top was a $100 bill and on the other side a $10 bill. In between were stacks of $5’s. 

I walked away with my wad of money (success, prosperity), staring at it. Then I opened a door in the wall. Inside was a narrow staircase leading up. I followed it, momentarily worried someone might rob me but then realized I didn’t have that much money and didn’t care.

The stairs opened up into a large space filled with mattresses, blankets and various sleeping spots spread out on the floor. There was no space to walk so I had to walk over the beds. The feeling the room gave me was positive, filled with a sense of connection. It dawned on me that I must’ve been sleeping in this space with all the others. I would never do something like that because, 1. I don’t like being in crowded places with lots of people and 2. I can’t sleep even with one other person in the room with me. 

I looked for my sleeping space but didn’t see it. So I headed to a clearing seeking a place to sit. I found a small sitting space near a large picture window. A woman greeted me warmly by name, calling me “Kiera”, and came to sit with me (Kiera = wealth, prosperity). I remember thinking the name was not quite right but liking it. I could get use to the name. 

Before I sat down, though, another woman came up outstretching her hand toward me. She said, “Keira! I made something for you!” She called by a name I can’t recall but in her hands were two, knitted slippers. She said, “I also want to buy you lunch for a week to thank you for all you’ve done.” The outpouring of love and acceptance from her was so great I immediately burst into tears and hugged her tight. I remember thinking how nice it was to finally feel like I belonged. 

Considerations

I woke up still crying. The tears were tears of joy and relief at the belonging I felt. Never in my life have I felt so accepted and loved. My entire life I have felt out of place. People regard me with suspicion and keep their distance. They pretend to accept me but they never really do. They always keep me at arms length, just in case I turn out to be “dangerous” to them. Most don’t know they are doing it, it is just their automatic reaction to my odd aura and I know now that my Projector aura is to blame. It dives deep into their aura and takes every part of them in. That is uncomfortable and scary to anyone who is a Generator and probably Manifestors, too. 

When I woke I thought, “This must be how most other people feel their whole life.” This is when something occurred to me. I read somewhere that our purpose in life is directly linked to our greatest wound. It very likely that my purpose is linked to groups and being in/part of a group. Ugh! 

If I am meant to work with groups then I will most definitely have to come out of my hermit hole and confront my greatest discomfort – groups of people and the inevitable rejection that comes with them. The odds are stacked against me. Funny thing is, in my youth I sought out groups, trying desperately to be included. Over time it became clear that people didn’t want me around and after many failed attempts, I decided I don’t want or need any of them. The repeated rejection is just not worth it. This is the Not-Self bitterness of being a Projector.

Yet within me is a “natural” teacher, public speaker and performer. I feel the most successful when I do these things. 

Music Message

As I lingered in bed, trying to return to sleep, a message slowly emerged in my mind. The words, “Say it loud……” I tried to grab onto the words and eventually more emerged: “Say it clear…..” There was no melody, just words. They were very faint and it took all my attention to get all of them. Out of the haze of sleep came the melody: “Say it loud. Say it clear. You can listen as well as you hear. It’s too late, when we die, to admit we don’t see eye to eye.” 

The song didn’t seem to go along with my dream at all. Instead it seemed to be an answer to a question I asked a couple of nights ago.

My sister (the one in jail), sent me a request to sign up to send and receive emails/texts. My mom told me that she gave my sister $10 to send emails and told me it costs 50 cents each time. My mom has been communicating with her this way. My guess is my mom gave her my phone number. I haven’t signed up, though. I just don’t want to be involved with her drama. My husband is urging me to do it. I asked my guides to help me decide. I think the song is suggesting I do it. 

If I think of the song’s message it is asking that I consider how I might feel if my sister passes from this world. I’ve always considered that death is not the end and that anything I may want to communicate I can regardless of whether the other person is living or dead. I think I’ve used this as an excuse to not communicate with my sister. She is not herself and when we talk I feel like she is not fully there. I get such an “off” feeling when we talk. I don’t like how it makes me feel. 

However, it is clear, for many reasons, that she will leave this world before I do. Whether sooner or later, it is hard to know. 

by

Full Moon Healing Dreams

Full Night of Tearful Dreams

Last night I had unexpected dreams of my heart connection that resulted in waking multiple times in tears. When I would return to sleep, the dream topic would continue and more tears would result. When I woke I would hear my guidance remind me, “It’s okay to love him.” I’m still uncertain as to why they would choose these words specifically. Do I not feel like it’s okay? Do I feel guilty about it? 

The first dream is the most hazy. In the dream I was living with him in an apartment. It was actually really nice. I was enjoying being there with him, as he was with me. I remember recognizing that I felt no extreme Kundalini energy fluctuations or heart bliss blasts. I felt very level headed and normal with the exception of feeling full of love for him. The love manifested as pure joy/happiness. I remember thinking of him as my best friend and not being distracted by sexual feelings whatsoever. It was a wonderful feeling.

Then we were going our separate ways. I dropped him off at the station (railroad I think but I never saw it). He promised to contact me after he made it to his destination and I remember noting the time difference between where I was and he would be. After four days of nothing, I began to despair. I remember talking to someone, telling them, “I should’ve known better”. There was a Knowing that when we connected in life that it always left me in a similar state of grief and loneliness. The despair I felt every time we parted ways was beyond description and difficult to manage. I remember asking, “Why?” and breaking down in tears. This is when I woke. My heart was aching and when I heard, “It’s okay to love him”, the only thought I had was about the pain I was feeling and how unbearable it was.

There were a few other dreams but the dream of most significance was similar to the above. I had clear memory of spending quite a bit of time with him. The love was there in abundance. The happiness I felt at just being with him was profound. I’ve never felt so happy in this lifetime. I felt complete when with him. There was no sense of lack whatsoever. 

The time we spent together we traveled extensively and loved one another dearly. Again, it was more a sense of us being best friends than anything else. When we met initially we were like long lost friends reunited, sharing our life stories and catching up. I don’t remember much else of this story except returning home and going to bed with wonderful memories of our time together. When I woke I searched for our emails and couldn’t find them. I began to search for other proof of my memories and found nothing. I began to despair, thinking I must be going crazy. No one I knew had any knowledge of him or our time together. I remember wondering, “Was it just a dream? No! It was too real! It wasn’t a dream.” 

The last thing I recall is going through my bags looking for souvenirs I had brought home from our travels together. Unfortunately, there were none. My hopes dashed, I broke down in tears and woke up with a lingering aching in my heart. My biggest upset was that everything I experienced with him wasn’t real after all. It was all just a dream and never happened.

When I awoke for the final time this morning the stark contrast between the joy and happiness I felt in my dreams and the way I feel in currently in life was hard to ignore.

Music Messages

There were songs following me through the night also. The first one was a song I’ve heard many times before as a message about my heart connection – Charlie Puth’s When I See You Again.

Another song that was coming up is called Cola. The part I heard over and over was, “She can’t tell the difference yet.” This seemed to be in line with the dream of not being able to find proof of what I had experienced and feeling crazy and upset about the loss of that reality.

The last song message I received was after the last dream. Beauty and the Beast – “Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme…” I have no idea why that one came to mind but I do think I’ve received it as a song message in the past. It was odd and seemed out of place because of the movie and “the beast” part. Maybe it is a reminder that he and I are old, old friends, meeting “by chance” over and over with similar outcomes from life to life?

There was another dream where I had given up my oldest son for adoption and was upset at seeing him being raised by another. I have no idea why it was stuffed in between the other dreams but it created a similar upset feeling. I remember seeing him as a baby and the love I had for him. To think of losing him created an ache in my chest similar to the ache I feel for the loss of my heart connection.

by

Kundalini Dream, OBE, and Message

Happy Halloween! I hear the energies are intense today – solar flares? The only evidence I have of this intensity is from dreamtime. Happy to share. 🙂

Kundalini Dream: 1 Year

I was in a familiar dream location. It consisted of two home about 100 feet apart connected by a narrow walkway. The homes were round, hut-like buildings with thatched roofs, small windows and stone flooring. I only recall snippets of the other dreams I’ve had there, but apparently it is a place I frequent at times. 

Inside the hut on the left was myself and two others, a man and a woman. I felt like their child and the woman was talking to me about preparations. The specifics of these preparations are lost to me except for the symbolism, which, to me, is pretty obvious. The man stepped forward and it was clear to me that he and I were to be “paired”. Uncertain, I questioned the pairing because I knew this man was my “uncle”. The woman explained that it was time and urged me to accept, which I finally did. I recall her encouraging me to go with the man whose hand was held out to me. Though I don’t remember the man’s appearance specifically, he was wearing a long, tan robe with a thick, colored sash at his waist. I took his hand but hesitated, looking around me as my lucidity began to increase.

The woman was insistent. She physically pushed me forward toward the man and said, “We must hurry. The entire process is a long one. It will take a year before any eggs are produced.” It was odd to hear the word “egg”. In that moment, I saw a bunch of chickens pecking around at my feet and wondered if I was one since how else would I become a producer of “eggs”? 

The man’s hand in my own and my decision clear, I went with him. I could feel his hand in my own and a familiar, strong energy began to swirl in my root chakra. The upward pull of the desire that was kindled there woke me and as I lingered in bed, the energy remained creating an ache within to go “up, up, up!”

Symbolism

I sat with the energy as the dream symbolism became clearer. Two circular huts = masculine and feminine. Man and woman = masculine and feminine. Uncle = soul family. The pairing = Union. Eggs = new, unhatched potential; the energy of life. Chicken = cowardice (mine lol). 

The energy continued to linger in my root. It was not the strongest I’ve ever felt but it was quite distracting. The energy was moving up but very sluggishly. Eventually I decided to position myself flat on my back with a pillow over my head and my arms crossed over the top of the pillow. Rather than focus on the energy, making it stronger and more unbearable, I relaxed into it. The energy moved up easily to my heart and a warmth spread out from there. 

Recalling how at other times I needed a catalyst to get the energy moving, I started thinking of those times, hoping to be assisted in a similar way. A male voice from my right indicated that though that was one way, there was another. The male voice then asked me if I wanted to learn/experience more. I recall asking for protection, shielding my aura just in case. The last thing I remember was hearing some instructions (can’t recall the specifics) and affirming that I wanted to proceed. 

Lucid to OBE: Soaring Free 

To my surprise, I ended up in a lucid dream. I was inside my old bedroom at my mom’s house and two of my children were with me. I sat on the bed and my two children were on either side of me. We all had laptops and mine indicated a message was received. When I went to check, I read a message from someone I did not know but who wanted to connect with me. There was a name that started with an “A”
but other than that I just know he was indicating that he wanted to get to know me. I remember almost becoming fully lucid here because I knew that I had not received any emails in real time but tossing the idea of dreaming because it felt “so real.”

I clicked on a link and a video popped up on a huge screen in front of my face. Surprised, I turned to my daughter to see if she noticed, but she didn’t. The video was of an older man and a younger one – father and son. The younger one was making a music video and the father was producing it. Both men had dark hair but other than that I can’t recall what they looked like. There was lots of dancing and I recall being pulled into the video for a short time.

When I came back out of the video, my vision had gone completely dark and I knew I was dreaming. I moved out of the bedroom towards the front door, put my hand on the knob and opened it. Outside my vision started to gradually turn on. The entire front area was a cast in reddish shadows and I remember wanting it to be daylight and knowing just my desire for the light would bring it. Sure enough, the light came and fully illuminated the space.

I took flight immediately, singing as I flew, going up to just above the tops of the trees. I flew up to the main road and saw below me a truck pulling a wheel barrow. I yelled down to warn the driver but knew I was too high. Another truck followed behind and I decided to move on, flying higher.

The pull upward was strong but I again decided to level out, knowing just my desire to do so would keep me from being pulled out and into “space”. I looked down in awe at the trees and landscape below me. I could feel the wind buffeting the clothes on my body. I tore off my shirt, losing vision in my left eye momentarily as the fabric stuck on my head. Completely naked from the top up, I felt an amazing sense of freedom. I remember thinking, “It’s so beautiful!” 

The entire time I flew, I was singing words I can’t recall. What I sang described how I was feeling, though, and the more I sang, the more free I felt.

Eventually, I shifted back to the house. Inside, I saw two dark haired young men lounging on the sofa.  Both looked at me and the feeling I got from them was interest. Not really interested at the time, I flew around, flipping and zig-zagging around the house and enjoying the freedom of my astral body. Oddly, I felt my previously removed shirt put back on me, as if folded around me like a blanket. I wanted it off, but knew it needed to stay. 

Eventually, the energy of my very active root and second chakra filtered through to the experience and I turned back towards the men. They looked identical and I wondered which one I should approach, eventually selecting the one to my left. I flew like an acrobat towards him, landing perfectly on his lap facing him. He looked shocked and I laughed because the position was obviously sexual. I kissed him, feeling a very puny tongue in my mouth, and an intense electric shock to my root woke me up. 

Music Message: When You’re Ready Come and Get It

There was no energy shift when I returned to my body. The energy was still present but only a subtle warmth remained. Knowing the experience was over, I opened my eyes and then curled up happily on my side, relishing the remaining blissful energy. I had been singing when I returned but the words shifted immediately to a familiar song. The words were clearly a message, “When you’re ready come and get it….”

Dreams such as the one above are clearly indicating that some “process” is occurring, or will be. That I was willing and did not resist out of fear is a good sign. The fear is illogical, of course, but I am and have been aware of it. The fear is of the unknown but also of an inner Knowing that what awaits me is another kind of “death”, one that is highly attractive and terrifying at the same time – the familiar signature of the Kundalini. 

The OBE was a nice surprise. The symbolism of it indicates a desire to feel free and unrestrained. Trucks = work. Wheelbarrow = difficult task. The shirt being taken off = desire to be unrestrained. The shirt being put back = message to take it slow, restraint is needed now. The twin men = twin energies, Union. 

I really shouldn’t be surprised by the events of this morning. Two days ago I received a message from my guidance. It came out of the blue and no explanation was needed. The message was, “You’re heart will open again.” When I heard this I got a bit panicked but was reassured with, “You will be okay.” A typical calming statement by my guidance but it works, and I’m glad it does.

by

Let It Happen

Couldn’t get to sleep again last night. It was after midnight before I did. Despite feeling tired all day, the minute I decided to sleep, I couldn’t. I don’t have anything going through my head, really, so it doesn’t make sense. 

I did end up thinking about random things, though. In one instance, I was thinking about a dream I had where I had met up with someone I know. I’m not sure why as I wasn’t intending to. It was more like I entered into the in-between. While there I never know why I think/say/see what I do. 

While imagining this scenario, a song came into my mind. The song then got stuck in my head – “Let it happen, let it happen. It’s gonna feel so good.”

The video is the original song, but the one I heard was the remix version which is 9 minutes long and much better IMO. I posted the shorter one because it has the lyrics.

When I go on my many walks, I listen to YouTube, letting it play whatever comes up. This song randomly played on my walk one day recently. When I heard it I knew it was a message to “let it happen” when the time comes. “It” being the transformation by the Kundalini. To not resist what it brings and allow it to flow, unencumbered and without interference of the mind or the fear that inevitably follows. 

If you read all the lyrics you may get an idea of why I feel so drawn to it. Some parts stick out to me: “All this running around trying to cover my shadow” and “I can hear an alarm”. The word “shadow” reminds me of something I was told recently, that I am running from my Shadow self, scared to confront it. The word “alarm” has also come up. I was told an alarm would go off. But in general, the song speaks to me, so it is no wonder it came to mind as part of a message.

I told my guidance to knock it off because it sure wasn’t helping me sleep. It felt like they were hounding me to do something. I couldn’t help but suspect that I was being deceived, like they (my guides/HS) are trying to destroy me, ruin my life or send me on a wild goose chase. 

When I fell asleep I ended up in a kind of dream counseling session.

Dream: Can’t Trust Myself

This is one of those dreams where I just found myself in a new place without having any idea how I got there. My mind was blank and my emotions were flat. I just followed along in the dream, not caring why I was there or what the point of it all was.

I was inside a small store with some other young women. They were all college aged and it felt like I was, too. It felt like I was in a half-way house; a place where someone goes who needs to start over. The women treated me like the new girl and ushered me around with them. I remained silent and felt very sad – dead inside – the whole time. I felt as if I was in shock from a traumatic event, but there was no memory of any event, just this empty sadness.

The women all left and I stayed in the store, alone. They had turned all the lights out but I didn’t care. I saw a door to the back so decided to investigate. When I entered the room I found it to be a bedroom with three bunkbeds (nostalgia). They were all squeezed together in the small space leaving very little room for anything else. I looked at them and wondered which bed was mine. I couldn’t remember.

Then I noticed another room adjacent to the bedroom and hidden behind a thick, dark curtain. I could see through the space between the curtain and the wall. There was a small girl (inner child) with Down’s Syndrome (developmental delay) playing. She looked at me and acted fearful and I realized I had caught her doing something she should not. She pretended to go to sleep and that is when I noticed there was tiny beds amongst the bigger bunk beds. 

I went back outside into the main store area. This is when I realized that the “store” was actually a school for young children and the women were teachers who lived in the back room when the school was closed. I thought the whole idea was a good one but did not get excited about it.

I was hungry so went to a table where some food items were and filled a cup with yogurt (doing what’s good for me). This is when the other women came back. One noticed I was eating. I asked if she wanted some. She looked at my cup and asked, “Did you put sugar in it? We don’t eat sugar (something bad for me) here. It’s bad for you.” I looked at my cup knowing I had put something sweet in it. I said to her, “Yes. Who eats yogurt plain? It’s not good.” The woman didn’t reply but I continued and said, “I didn’t put sugar in it, just a sugar substitute.” She replied to that saying something about helping find the right substitute but I was already upset, caught up in the thought that I was messing things up, breaking rules and not fitting in. I remember looking into the cup of yogurt thinking how it was all just too much to try and keep up with all the rules and do what everyone wants me to do. 

Feeling overwhelmed and sad, I turned around to leave but the dream shifts and I find myself sitting in front of a woman. She began to ask me questions about why I felt the way I did. “Why are you so sad,” she asked. I began to tell her about an event in my life that had left me changed – damaged. I told her, “It/he destroyed me.” As I told her more of the details of it, the sadness grew larger and larger until I began to sob, tears streaming down my cheeks. 

Counseling Continues

The dream scene faded and I somehow ended up in the in-between talking to this woman, though I never saw her. I could hear her feminine voice, though, and feel her encouragement. She said, “Tell me about it”. I told her my story and how it made me feel. She asked about another, similar event. I explained that it/he wasn’t the same and could never come close to the first. What hurt so much was that I felt I had finally found what I had been looking for. It was like a missing piece of myself was finally found. And then, it was taken away; withheld from me, and I was left feeling as if that piece could never be recovered and would remain that way for the rest of my life. Because of it, I had lost all hope of ever really finding happiness and love in my life. I would be left only with the hollow, human version of that love, which would never, ever compare. And I would be left to live the rest of my life with a part of me missing, unable to retrieve it.

As a result, I’ve stopped trying. Given up. I am just waiting for this life to run its course.

In the end, I woke up, leaving the in-between, but the discussion continued. My eyes were overflowing with tears, the kind that just well up and leak out all over my face. The ultimate realization I had was that I had lost all trust in myself – in my HS, my guidance, my Knowing. What I felt so strongly, what I had Known in my heart to be true, turned out to be a lie. How can I ever trust what I feel again? How do I know that what I feel is even mine? What if I am being deceived and everything in this lifetime that I feel, hear, think, do is a lie?  

There aren’t many things in this life that hit me hard like that experience. That ring so true that my entire Being lights up inside and out. That scream to me, “THIS IS IT!” To feel I had finally found what I had come into this life for only to have it turn out to be what it did, how can I ever recover from that? Why would I be led into a trap like that? Why would my guidance want me to experience such loss? It felt like I was finally Home, then I was left with…..nothing. The only explanation has to be that I somehow misinterpreted it all. I must have screwed up. If that is the case, then how can I know that what I feel and how I interpret it is even accurate?  

I don’t think there is anyway to recover what I have lost. I am just…..broken. And my only comfort comes in the thought that one day I will actually get to go Home and I know that when I get there, that piece of me that I found and then lost, will be there, too.

Back to the Song Message

I had never heard of the band Tame Impala or the song, so I Googled it. Turns out the entire album theme is “letting go”. The song is about going with the flow and not resisting the “currents of change” which are “unstoppable forces”. Ha! The song is about personal transition and/or transformation.

When I was reading over many of my dreams, signs, syncs and messages of the past few months, it does point to some kind of event or transformation up and coming. I can’t ignore it but at the same time I want to shrug it off. Why hope that something amazing is coming only to end up like I have in the past – disappointed, discouraged or, worse, decimated.

Here is the 9 minute version of the song and the one that played while I was on my walk: