Category Archives: Past Lives

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Two More False Beliefs

Session was very productive yesterday. I continued to delve into my false beliefs and found a couple more.

False Belief: Threats will get you what you want.

This was the first false belief I ran into. This one was very embedded within my psyche. This may be unbelievable to most of you, but I followed it all the way back 8.25 million years to its source. I would not have believed it myself except that first, long ago memory was very clear. As it is likely unreal and could potentially cause upset to those reading, I will not go into detail about what I re-experienced.

The experience of going that far back in time was quite a revelation to me. My human mind had difficulty accepting it or even the possibility that my consciousness having existed for that long. Yet my HS knows this to be true, to be fact. We are timeless; infinite.

I encountered a fear also of this vastness of time. It was almost a terror and it worried me while at the same time alerted me to the fact that this was illogical. Upon further inspection I explored the source of this fear in session and was able to determine that there is an event that occurred in my existence on the time track at approximately 1 million years ago. I did not explore any further than that since my focus now is on false beliefs but I am sure I will encounter this event at some point in my exploration of Self.

Note: This fear is exactly why I do not share with you the life I re-experienced as it could lead those ill prepared for such an exploration into ten times the reaction I had. One must only go where they are ready to go else face dire consequences.

False Belief: If I’m miserable, others must be miserable, too.

This one was a doozie. Thankfully, its source only went to 1888 and into a lifetime I was well aware of already. Unfortunately, I delved into parts of it that were devastating blows to the little, eight-year-old girl I was when it occurred. This life I previously wrote about in a post Past Lives Part II. The date says 1920 (the date of my death in that life) but the entire life was traumatic.  Most of the trauma began in 1888, after the death of my mother.

Since I already recounted most of that life in the other post, I will say here that this exploration of that life was to focus on when I caused someone to take on the belief that if they are miserable so then others must be made miserable. The end result was that I, as a little girl, assumed responsibility for the actions of my father in that lifetime. I held tons of guilt and felt I needed to be punished. This was, of course, wrong, but for a little girl who could not understand what was happening to her, this was the only thing that made sense. If your parent punishes you, then you must have deserved it – right? Wrong. So this life revealed much and as a result released lifetimes of pain, guilt, anger and loss.

Lots of Work

To those reading my accounts of the extrication and elimination process, you might think it is too fast, too easy to be possible. I want to share with you just how hard this has been and will be for me.

1. These lives are so horrible, so filled with pain, that it is very difficult to find them. One’s first reaction is to think they are not real, or made-up. This is a protective mechanism of the subconscious mind and must be surpassed in order to contact past lives containing intense emotion and other trauma. When I recall these lives it is very hard to get to the memory as it is very occluded but with persistence (and many times fear) I expose them.

2. It took me 6 hours to find and eliminate the above two false beliefs. I may still have more to eliminate on the second one. Much of the time was spent re-experiencing huge amounts of emotional release. Imagine tears, more tears and a feeling of having your heart ripped out over and over. Believe-it-or-not, when you re-experience the pain, it dissolves and what is left is an objective view of what happened. You can’t get to the objective part until you release the emotion that blankets the experience.

3. It takes courage and belief in Self to do this. It is not for the faint of heart, the timid or the fearful. I schedule my sessions only twice a week because I need a break in between to fully absorb the results (which are very rewarding and positive).

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Following the Chain of False Belief

In session yesterday I ran into one of my false beliefs and I began the process of seeking out the source of this belief. The false belief was: Men are wrong.

Following the Chain

In seeking out the source of this belief, I followed memories connected to it starting in this lifetime and going backward into other lifetimes. This is what I found so far:

1982 – Belief is activated within this lifetime after a traumatic event occurred. I decided that my Dad was wrong for how he treated me and my mother, who I identified very strongly with. It generalized into all men are wrong.

1892 – Belief was used in another lifetime when I was a prostitute in the U.S. Mid-West. I repeatedly told my “co-workers” that men were not to be trusted.

400A.D. – Belief was used during a lifetime in India. This was a traumatic memory of almost losing my daughter to raiders during the monsoon season. I relayed to her repeatedly that men were not be trusted and did bad things.

30A.D. – Belief was reinforced during a traumatic event in which my pregnant and severely battered daughter came home. She went into premature labor and died during childbirth. Her daughter survived and I raised her as my own. My anger at the man who beat and ultimately killed my daughter was so intense that I adopted the belief that men are wrong. However, upon re-experiencing this life, I recognized that the “wrong” here was that they were “unjust” and went against all that was good.

More to Come

The chain has not been followed to its source yet, so I am likely to find more events at my next session. I am interested to find out where it will lead. It always surprises and amazes me!

When I contact each life, it is merely a picture or a color or a vague sense of a place that comes at first. Then, when I inspect it more closely, more and more is revealed. The details are amazing! For example, the river I was wading in while trying to rescue my daughter in the life from 400A.D. was so vivid that I could feel the pressure of the water current against my legs and see the muddiness of the water. I also instantly knew it was the monsoon season.

The last life was perhaps the most intense life I have recalled in some time. I was hit with such a myriad of emotions – anger, grief, frustration, love, desperation – that the flood of it was overwhelming to the point I could not breathe. I even recall cursing in another language, calling the man a baboon’s butt and cursing God. When I finally let go of this life event I experienced such an outflow and inflow of energy that it is hard to describe. I was laughing and crying at the same time.

I am finding this belief following me through my female lives for some time. It may even have its origin prior to my time on Earth. More updates will follow.

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The End is the Beginning

Day three and I still feel wonderful. I am much more leveled out than I started, but the feeling is staying. Hallelujah!

As per my dream, I laid in savasana yesterday afternoon just because. My household was alive with noise – my children were talking loudly, my baby was crying for attention from my husband and it was quite chaotic. Yet I felt myself relax deeply and my third eye activate. Soon my crown and third eye formed the familiar energy helmet over the top of my head and I found myself fixated on a television show my daughter was watching in the other room. I listened intently. Focused.

Then a heavy blanket of energy seemed to descend over my entire body and my eyes immediately began to twitch back and form. REM. I instantly recognized the symptoms of trance and was blown away. Wow!

Vibrating

I have heard of others experiencing kundalni energy say they have an almost constant vibratory energy all over their body. I had never experienced so it was quite alien to me. I thought maybe it was the psychic chills I frequently get from my guides. But no, they said this is quite different from psychic chills.

Yesterday mine started, and they are still with me. They are subtle but I can tune into them and make them stronger if I want. At one point yesterday my entire body felt so alive, so full of energy that I was a bit blown away. There I was, standing in my kitchen, covered in vibrations! All I did was pause for a moment to take in my surroundings, something I have been doing quite often these last few days. I do this to increase my awareness of the present moment. Well, it is working and it seems to have initiated the all-over body vibrations!

Since then I have but to change my focus and I notice the vibrations. If I don’t put attention there then they are quite inconspicuous. I can feel them everywhere – not just in my chakras. I even felt them in my feet! hehe

Dream: Gospel Songfamaviol-1

This morning I awoke in tears from a dream I was having. In it, I was in a group of people at a type of ceremony honoring someone’s accomplishments. I had chosen a rare gospel song to play that was from the 1940s. I don’t remember the song’s melody now, but there was a part in which the lyrics addressed generations and how daughters and sons later became husbands and wives, mothers and fathers and then grandmothers and grandfathers. I cried hearing this, full of such an overwhelming love for humanity.

Upon waking in tears, my guide was close and calming. I was also covered in several energy blankets. One was around my midsection, one was around my head, and another was around my legs. In addition, my entire body was lightly vibrating.

I said immediately to my guide, “I chose a very challenging personality this life”. He said, “Indeed you did”.

I knew without knowing how that the life I lived two lives before this one was much more in line with my true Self. My personality (Ego) in that life was not resistant like it is in this life. It was easier to control and much more pliable. I had such faith in that life, such patience and understanding. Yes, the life was hard, but I had faith and held onto that faith throughout.

I was also a black woman living in the South during that lifetime. I have such a deep love and respect for black women in this life. They are truly the most beautiful of women to me. I didn’t recognize where that came from until I remembered that lifetime. Such faithful, passionate, supportive, wonderful, amazing family I had in that lifetime. They taught me the true meaning of family.

Anyway, I digress. That life I chose a personality that was easier to control. I knew that in this life I chose a very resistant, stubborn, overly emotional personality on purpose. I also knew that it could also be controlled and I was learning to do that now.

Energetic Transfer (AKA Energy Swap)

If you have been reading my posts you may have read one entitled Energy Swap. In it I was told this would be happening to me. I didn’t quite understand it but, as with all the messages I receive, I put it “on the shelf” and left it for later.

Upon feeling the energy blankets, I kept waiting for the energy bolt I have had in the past, but it never came. My guide said to me, “You don’t need that anymore”.

I drifted into the in-between during this time, enjoying the calming energy. While there, I was told some things by my guide about the merging process. I can’t remember everything now (I forgot it almost instantly) but I do remember he said, “You will listen more and more”. The rest of what I was told had to do with the exchange of energy that was on-going.

When I returned to myself I said to him, “I am coming into myself”. I said it with such certainty and knowingness. Now I understand more fully what it means.

The “swap” of energy is not that I am giving up energy, it is more like I am being rewired. The energy that is coming in, or “downloaded”, is more of me. As it comes in, it redirects and channels the existing energy and “flushes” the system. In doing this, a new, more efficient system is created. So, in a nutshell, I am regaining control of the human system and personality and ultimately it will result in a well-controlled Ego.

The End is the Beginning

I am already seeing the changes within myself. The biggest is the calm that overrides any ineffective, over-reactive emotion. I am more able to sit and do nothing and think nothing. I am more able to be in the present moment. I can distance myself from other people’s dramas. I am cause more than I am effect. I control my emotions. I control my reactions. I control my words. I control my thoughts.

The me and the Me are switching places.

Examples:

My husband used my apple cider vinegar to dye Easter eggs. I thought, “This makes me angry”. Then there was a counter-thought, “It is done. There is no need to be angry.” Then I thought, “I am not angry”. The idea of the emotion was created with the initial thought but was squelched before it manifested.

All day yesterday my husband was at work. He had the day off but chose to go in. I called him twice, asking when he would be home. He was happy and motivated. I had the thought to yell at him, reprimand him for not being home with family. That thought was squelched immediately by the “calm” which came in and overrode my intention to say something. Instead, I listened to him and let him be happy. There was no counter-thought this time, just the calmness. It pervaded my being.

There are tons more examples. These are just recent. Overall, I find these scenarios more and more common. My typical reactions to minor issues are lessening. The Ego-me no longer has free-reign. Auto-pilot has been turned off.

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Sudden Past Life Memory

My left leg was aching and both legs were restless. I also felt such a heavy weariness come over me that I could not ignore. I went upstairs and got in bed, covering my eyes to help ease the headache I had all day.

I had to change positions several times because my leg kept throbbing with a strange electrical pulsing pain. I wondered briefly if it was sciatica but the thought passed quickly as I fell into the happy bliss of the in-between.

Paralyzed

It was then that I was aware of being in a house with several other people. I was in a wheelchair being wheeled around and could see the brown wood of the structure I was in. There was a door immediately in front of me and I was talking to my brother, mother and father who were huddled around me. I was also very aware that I was a man and the fact that I could not move my legs.

I began to wake up in the midst of talking with my family and when I did I struggled to determine which reality was real. Was the dream what was really happening? Or was it me, laying in bed, that was real?

I opened my eyes and still struggled to determine where I was, who I was and what was going on. My legs were not hurting, though, and I think this is what ultimately brought me back to reality.

Early 1800s

Once I was able to locate myself in present time, I thought about my “dream” and knew instantly that it was no dream. I had remembered a past life. A past life where I had been hurt and lost most if not all feeling in my legs. And there was pain with it similar to the shooting, electrical pain I had been feeling.

I wondered when the life was and knew it was the early 1800’s. I smiled, congratulating myself, but did not seek anymore information about the life. I did not want to unintentionally cause myself more harm than good. If done improperly, a past life can bring into the present life aspects of it to include pain, upset and other irrational behavior/thought. Since I had already had pain that caused me to need to lay down, I did not want to intensify it. Plus, it had gone and I felt better. I wanted to keep it that way.

It still amazes me, though, how suddenly and spontaneously some of my past lives have come to me. This one came with the sensation of sitting in the wheelchair and feeling the hardness of the seat. I also felt it being rolled around, its wheels bumping roughly on the floor. It was so vivid and real. I didn’t even know they had wheelchairs that long ago! So cool.

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1950

Today in session I went back to the year 1950. I have been to the particular life before but not this specific memory.

Electroshock Therapy (ECT)

When I touched on this memory the first time I was hit with such a panic in my chest that I lost my breath. At the same instant I knew I had ECT and it was the source of the panic.

Upon further inspection, I was able to see quite a bit of the entire treatment series from the moment I came into the room to the moment I left it. The room had a large, double-sided glass viewing area behind which stood an odd-looking chair with straps on it. It reminded me first of a dentist chair but I knew it was not one. There were two male doctors wearing traditional scrubs and masks and a female nurse who ushered me in.

The nurse wheeled me into the reception area and spoke to me, telling me it would be okay, not to be nervous and that it would not hurt. Then one of the male doctors approached me with paperwork and asked me to sign, explaining he had to have my consent. My mind was very confused and chaotic at the time. All I recall thinking is that I was insane and then contradicting that thought with the opposite thought. I recall seeing myself sign the sheet. I could see a large J or looped L in my name.

I then saw them do something with my wrist/hand. I thought I was also stamped or ID’d but I am not sure.

When I got into the chair they placed something over my eyes and the doctor to my right told me to relax. I felt pressure on my temples, more on my right than my left.

The next thing I recall is a very bright white flash. It was then that I left my body.

I spent the next minutes outside my body hovering over it and watching the scene with interest. I felt very detached from my body. I knew it was mine but I did not care much about it. I saw that I had blue colored goggles or something over my eyes, was wearing a hospital gown and had something over my feet. I was also strapped securely into the chair. I saw the man on my left standing over a machine that was gray in color with a black knob. I also saw the grayish colored stone of the room and the tile ceilings. There was various wires around my body as well and what I think might have been an IV bag.

I heard the man on my right say, “Are you okay?” and I was back in my body. I felt very confused and disoriented. I could not remember who I was or where I was. The feeling was not scary at first but then it was, especially as I began to feel my body. I had sensations in my present body of being very hot and wanting to clench my teeth. I also had the odd sensation that my teeth were made of wood and solid. The hot sensations eventually passed after I went through the life a number of times in order to find all the details.

After the procedure was done, they had me stand and then sit in the wheelchair. They asked me questions I could not answer and I was told it would be okay several times. I remember feeling very mentally dull but it was clear that my disorganized thoughts were gone. In fact, almost all thinking was gone. I was very sad afterward, thinking, “It didn’t work” over and over.

I knew prior to the ECT that I had been suffering from major depression to the point of catatonia. I had suffered greatly at the hands of my abusive husband. I eventually lost it when he began to beat our daughter and I met him at our front door with a rifle of some sort and shot him in the shoulder. He did not die but you can imagine the trauma that came of it, especially since I was a Black woman in the South.

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Doing the Work

As you may have noticed from my most recent post, I am digging into my past lives again. I will be doing this for at least the next few weeks. As a result my posts will likely be focused upon these adventures more than on anything else.

Doing the Work

After today’s session it was clear to me that right now I am doing the work myself right now rather than the kundalni doing it. This is okay with me because I am having fun, but I it also allows me to stay more present in my body and this physical reality. Uncovering past lives and the unconscious decisions, pain and other considerations from those lives is a huge healing process. Not only does one have to confront very different perspectives and realities they have had but they also must re-experience them in order to clear the subconscious of the effects of these other lives. When done correctly, a person will feel much relief as they are unburdened from the weight of those lives and past decisions. It also allows one to be more present in this life; their attention no longer occupied by times long past. With each past life “erasure” there is another deceptive layer peeled off the conscious mind. When they are all peeled away one is left with the true self, unhindered by debris that has built up life after life.

Observations

I noticed something that may or may not lead to a discovery about myself. As I recall and re-experience more and more past lives, I am seeing just how very different I am in each of these lives. While re-experiencing the life, the thoughts I thought and the feelings I had resurface. I am many times able to get a good idea of my personality and patterns in the life as well. It has always amazed me that I am so very different life after life. I do not seem to have a “set” personality that continues unchanged from life to life. I had always thought that I would maintain some part of the “me” I know from life to life and that I would see evidence of it. Yet, I have yet to see any semblance of myself in this life in any of my other lives.

What do I see? Well, I see patterns or themes that are recurring. It is very obvious to me that I chose to play the role of victim in many of my “recent” lives (this is in quotes because I can see this pattern arising from late BC). I also notice that I have many of the same expectations of myself life after life. For example, in every life except for a few I have judged myself very harshly for not making better decisions and/or having more love or empathy for the people I interacted with.

There are also lives in which I very obviously came to experience one thing specifically. The life I recently wrote about where I was killed in combat is one of those lives. It is very different from the lives I have recalled so far in that I was in no way concerned about anyone or anything except my job which was to kill the enemy. I had no emotion, no regret, no guilt. I almost appeared to be “brain washed” into believing my sole purpose was to die for whomever I served. So far this is the only life where I have encountered a total lack of emotion upon death. Very disturbing but it served its purpose.

Finally, I notice that the farther back I remember, the “lighter” I feel when I re-experience those lives. There is an obvious lack of concern about things to come and a more adventurous attitude in general. For example, when I “failed” prior to around 1000BC I took the attitude of “I will get it right next time” rather than feel loss about whatever I failed at. This observation lends me to believe that there is some truth to how experiences in our past lives build up and impact our present self.

ascensionThe Reality of the Ego

Probably the most impressive realization of all these past life memories is just how very real the Ego is and the purpose it serves. From what I am gathering from just how very different I am life after life, it appears that the Ego is exactly what I have read it to be. It acts as our suit of personality from life to life. It is the overcoat we wear and then toss off after death. It is in fact the very reason for the differences in myself that I perceived as I re-experienced life.

The very acceptance of this is difficult for me because there is a part of me (the Ego of course!) that does not want to “disappear” when I die. I fear it so much that I grapple with ways to preserve what I perceive to be me. But my observations prove to me the opposite happens when I die. The Ego does not disappear, it is re-absorbed back into the True Self. When this happens that aspect of the Self rejoins the other aspects. This does not always happen at the moment of death but the process does begin at that point. How do I know this? Because I was able to see the two me’s distinctly at the time of my death. This was very obvious in the life where I was hanged. Though not yet merged the two aspects of myself were distinct. The one was frantic and panicked, the other was patient and understanding of the experience. From other memories of life between life I know that it takes time for the Ego to be reabsorbed completely, too. In these memories I was able to follow the Ego as distinctly separate for quite some time after death. Because these memories are not complete it leaves me wondering – does the Ego serve another purpose between life that I have yet to recall?

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Blasting Through the Past

Today I went into session and ran into quite a few past lives.

France, 16AD

The first thing I remember about this life was my death. I was hung and I was forced outside my body when I couldn’t breathe. I would go back into my body only to be forced out again the next time I lost consciousness.This went on for at least a half hour. The people who hung me left my hands free and what do you do with your hands when you are hung? You try to rip the rope out from around your throat. But it is futile.

Why was I hung? I immediately recalled the previous weeks where I had been sneaking off with a young maiden into the woods and doing unholy things. I was found out and immediately dragged to a tree and hung. Oh the things one will do for love (or sex in this case!). I also recall that I was a simpleton in that life. Not exactly bright. The main thought in my mind when I was dying was “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid” along with a feeling that “they” had been right about me all along.

While recalling this life/death, I felt in my physical body areas of the past pain “light up” and then “turn off”. Specifically the top of my head where they had hit me when they took me down, the tips of the fingers on my right hand where I grabbed the noose, and the very top vertebrae of my spine. My heart chakra was also buzzing with energy the entire time. It always amazes me how trauma “recurs” in the body when it is remembered, even if it is from a very, very long time ago.

Eastern Europe, Early Middle Ages during Roman rule

I recalled my death and again I was at the point where I was forced out of my body by an impact. This time I had been wounded by an axe-like weapon.

I saw my body laying on the ground face up in reddish colored dirt. I was wearing a copper-colored armor of some sort but it obviously didn’t protect me against the weapon that hit me. I had a huge gash from my right shoulder down to my left hip and it there was a red, gaping wound in between.

I hovered over the body for about ten minutes very alert to the fact that I was mortally wounded and not really caring about much else. I was not conscious of being OOB. I thought I was dreaming. I remember not having any guilt or remorse from life and thinking only of my duty which was to kill the enemy.

India or Asia, around 600BC

This was a memory of my birth. What was odd is that I recall not being in my new body until after I/it came into the world. I waited and watched my mother give birth to me. She was very pale skinned and completely naked. She was also covered in sweat and making a lot of noise, screaming and moaning. The room was dark with a reddish hue and there were women helping her give birth.

When the baby, my new body, came out I instantly went into my new body. But I could not breathe. There was something over my face and I gasped for my first breath. On top of that, I was allowed to fall to the floor and it was some distance though the fall was not a hard one. I felt my new tiny heart pounding in my chest as I struggled to live. I heard my mother screaming, “No!” and heard a woman tell another woman to get a sheet. It was not in a language I am familiar with so it took me quite a while to translate what I heard.

Then I was looking up at this woman who had medium toned skin and straight, long black hair. She also had something on her face, either tattoos or jewelry. She looked down at me and pulled away whatever was covering my face. I took a breathe and was relieved and calm. The woman was kind and saying something under her breath. I believe she was praying or inciting something. She touched my forehead several times and I heard my mother call out, “I want to see him”. There was quite a bit of fuss over me and my state at this time and though I struggled to remember the exact words there was a sense that these women thought me to be very special. I specifically recall hearing myself referred to as “one who sees”.

As I think back to this life I am enthralled by it. I knew I chose to enter my new body last minute on purpose. I also knew I was born in the caul that life. That was why I couldn’t breathe. I made the decision never to come into my new body that late again. It was much too traumatic!

Finally, I wonder about the situation into which I was born. My mother was white in comparison to the women who helped her birth me. Were they slaves? I wonder….

oliveMiddle East/Mediterranean, during Egyptian rule 1000BC

This memory is a short one. I initially recall being in the branches of a tree reaching to pick a fruit. I knew the fruit was an olive and that I was a young boy of around 8-9 years of age. The memory continues with me slipping and falling to my death. I hit my head and snapped my neck.

In going over the memory I knew that I was in a rural area that was either occupied or ruled by Egypt at that time. The year was about 1000BC, though it was hard to determine because I don’t think years were thought of that way back then. My mood was very happy and care-free. I had no idea what was about to befall me and when it happened I did not feel any pain.