Category Archives: Past Lives

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My Asian Form

Interesting experience last night. I suspect it has to do with what my guides asked me a couple of nights ago, “Do you want to see yourself?”

Dream: Asian Woman

I don’t remember most of my dreams last night. However, at one point I became lucid in the midst of a dream. I did not take over control of the dream but instead continued to allow it to continue without interruption which is why I did not classify it as lucid.

I saw a woman. I can’t remember if it was in the mirror or if I was seeing her as myself from the point of the observer. Whatever it was, I recognized her as myself and said aloud, “Oh yeah! I keep forgetting that I look this way.” The woman I saw was in all ways different from how I look now. She was very obviously Asian, petite, and somewhat plain but pretty nonetheless. Her cheekbones were extremely flat and her eyes, though slanted, were wide enough to not seem squinty.

I inspected her face for a long time, especially her eyes. It is times like these I wish I could draw human faces because if I could I would draw hers. I spent a long time Googling images and could not find a face that was similar enough.

While looking at her, I remembered being her, that I was/am her. There was a feeling of memory loss when I looked at her, like the dream stopped and I would shift into her and her lifetime. The shift was very disorienting and felt similar to how I feel when I enter a portal while OOB. The energy would intensify and I would feel to dematerialize. Then I would recognize what was happening and shift back. The shifts resulted in amnesia of my current life and the dreamstate.

The memories of this woman, this version of me, came only as her personality. Meek, modest, subordinate, passive and permissive, she did not question male authority and focused on her function within the family unit. She didn’t resent this role nor question it. Her focus was very much inward and introspective but she was also very loyal and took her feminine role very seriously. She had much wisdom and humility. The feeling from her was that she had made peace with herself, life, and humanity, and had managed to achieve what I have not. I had nothing but respect for her.

There were flashes of memory amidst all of this but they make no sense to me now. It is like they were erased so that only the memory of the disassociation with my present lifetime and the visual of her face remain.

There is no doubt in my mind that this woman was/is me. In fact, the realization that hit me while in the dream was that my preferred appearance while in Spirit was this form. There is recognition now that I choose to appear as her because of what I achieved in that lifetime. I also knew she was of Mongolian heritage.

The most memorable part of her was her eyes. I was fixated upon them, staring deeply into them. I saw they were almost black, they were so dark, and the whites of the eyes had snowflake-like black shapes spreading outward from the iris toward the edge of the eye. Both sides had these snow-flake shapes. They sparkled like they were made of gemstones or crystals. I am not sure what they mean but they were distinct and fascinating to me. When I saw them I felt like this woman – I – was timeless.

Considerations

I find this experience very interesting, mostly because never would I have thought that while I am out and about in the astral or between lives that I would choose such a form. I assumed always that I would be similar to how I look now – blonde, blue eyes. Yet, when I saw this woman I recognized her as me and Remembered that is how I look when not in a body (most of the time anyway). My guidance was close when I woke up and I asked them, “Is that what I look like?” I heard back, “We take many forms.” But I also got confirmation.

I have read that when we are no longer in human form that we often choose to appear as we did in a favorite lifetime. It could be that we learned a great deal in that lifetime or that we were happiest or even that we failed miserably in it. Whatever it is, we all have our favorites and so tend to wear that form to remind ourselves of our accomplishments and how far we have come. I am certain that this woman is not the only form I take, but the memory of the lifetime I spent as her says enough in itself to inform me of why I choose to look like her. There are many of her traits that I wish I could transfer to this lifetime. Most of them, actually. lol

There is a lifetime I once recalled only the briefest moments of. I was an Asian female but I can’t recall the exact dates of that lifetime now. The memory is of practicing playing the cello for hours upon hours to the point that my fingers would bleed. My father would insist I practice and make me practice until it was perfect, even if my fingers were bleeding and swollen. The main memory was of being forced to play, blood pouring from my fingertips in excruciating pain. Though I had enjoyed playing the cello, all enjoyment of music was extinguished by the brutality imposed upon me by my own father. That lifetime is likely not the same lifetime, but I don’t honestly know.

Finally, there has been an Asian link throughout my spiritual journey in this lifetime. Steven, my spiritual counterpart (etheric twin), told me that his last lifetime on Earth was lived in Mongolia during the time of Genghis Khan. Whenever I see him in astral or dreams he is Asian. Sometimes he is the typical Mongolian Asian with a very flat face, and other times he takes other Asian forms such as Indian, Chinese and Japanese.

 

 

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Fly Away

There is a particular past life memory that is revisiting me this morning. Mainly it is because a song is on my mind – I’ll Fly Away.

Sometimes there are past life memories that come up and are so beautiful that the memory reaches across lifetimes and brings tears of joy. This is one of those memories. It also just happens to be a memory of my own death.

This was from my most recent full-life. I say full because the life previous to this one was cut short when I was still a very young boy. In this particular life, I died in 1963 from Hepatitis, which I inadvertently contracted from contact with a dirty needle. I was a nurse in that lifetime so dirty needles were an everyday occurrence. Unfortunately, accidents happen.

This particular memory was from my deathbed. I was in the hospital, hooked up to all kinds of tubes and wires. The memory is from outside of my body because I had been unconscious for some time. My liver had failed and so it was just a waiting game from that point on. My two children came to visit me that day because they had been told my death was imminent. They were both grown. A son and a daughter. I believe there were others with them, but in the memory they were who I focused on.

I was a black woman who grew up in the South (Mississippi) and relied heavily on my relationship with God to get me through. My church and my brothers and sisters in Christ were my salvation more times than I could count. Singing was also interwoven into every aspect of my life. So it is no surprise that music followed me out of that lifetime.

As I was leaving to go into the Light, my children along with the others who were gathered at my bedside, sang I’ll Fly Away and other songs to send me off to heaven. Though they were sad and grieving heavily there was also joy present. And love. So much love. The feeling with this memory and this song was jubilation. I was going Home.

The memory was devoid of pain. Though my body was falling apart, slowly dying from the inside out, I had no pain. I was in a perfect bubble of peace, completely unconcerned for my physical body and my approaching death. All my focus was on my beautiful children who I was so very proud of and the feeling was that I had done a good job and could leave them without worry. I don’t remember my guides or any angels being present. I don’t remember seeing a tunnel of light or having any of those profound experiences so many NDE accounts speak of. Yet I knew that when I turned around and left, that I would be embraced by my waiting family. I could feel them all around me. That was the bubble of peace. They were my peace.

So you can see why this memory is cherished by me even in this lifetime. Recalling it helped me understand that death is a celebration, an event of homecoming. A new beginning. If I could give one gift to those living on Earth, it would be a similar memory of their own death (homecoming). Then there would be no reason to grieve the passing of a loved one or to fear their own passing. Death, in my opinion, is probably the most beautiful part of living.

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Another Past Life Revealed

After the Kundalini experience this morning (which I wrote about here), I fell to sleep and entered into a vivid dream. This dream revealed yet another past life, one which I had not previously recalled.

Dream: Past Life

I was standing outside on a pier. I don’t know where this pier was nor the time period. My main intention for being there was to resolve an issue from a past life. I knew this. I also knew I was male.

In front of me was a person I know from this life. She was a classmate of mine from 5th grade until graduation from high school. When I saw her in the dream, though, I knew her as someone I had wronged. She had been my lover many years before and I had left her suddenly without cause or reason given. This had left her wondering and sad for the remainder of her life. Though she continued on in that life, she was left with the scar. I had come to ask her forgiveness and allow us both to heal.

I approached her, asking her how she had been all this time. She was melancholy and there was discussion of her marrying and having children. I recall seeing scenes from her life but now they are a blur. I was very caring with her and gentle, trying to sooth her upset. I apologized for my actions, for leaving her without notice and never contacting her to explain. There was discussion of a child lost. A young boy who died as a child. I am not sure but he may have been our child and I remember feeling very sorry for never having met him.

There was toward the end of this dream a feeling of moving on for us both.

Resolution?

Upon waking I knew with certainty why my relationship with her in this life had been what it had been. It was so very clear!

The entire time I knew her in this life she was very beautiful and one of the popular girls. I envied her for both things but also recognized that her position was gained only because she was presented a false version of herself to others. I absolutely despise those who are fake/lie and cannot stand to be around them. In middle school I did not know this about myself. I assumed I was just jealous and was hard on myself for my tendency to shy away from most girls my age because of their fakeness.

At one point this girl, who I will call B, wanted to be my friend. She was especially persistent in acquiring my friendship and I eagerly became her best friend despite not liking her very much. She had a strange interest in me, though, and I did in her as well. My interest was mostly curiosity. I wanted to know who she really was. I quickly learned more than I wanted to know.

She was always looking at me when I undressed and commenting on my appearance. I was especially mature for my age. At 13 I looked like I do now. She, on the other hand, had not even begun to get her breasts. She also wanted to know everything about me. She was constantly asking questions and wanting to come spend the night. When over at my house she would ask my family about me. It made me very uncomfortable. I later learned she was gaining information to use against me if needed. This was how she played all of her friends. Quite despicable!

She also used our friendship to get material things. She had little money-wise and considered me “rich” because we had a swimming pool (funny!). She often was able to get me to buy her things – she was very persuasive!

Eventually she began to use our friendship to her advantage at school. I was one of the smart kids in school. She was not. lol She often got answers to math questions from me and at one point I got fed up with it. I did not like being a part of her cheating. During a test I loudly stated, “No, I will not let you cheat off me, B.” Everyone in the classroom, including the teacher, heard me and stared at her wide-eyed. I’m sure she was completely humiliated. When things calmed she turned to me with an evil look and said, “I guess we aren’t friends anymore.” I responded, “I guess not.”

From that point on she made it her job to make my life miserable as best she could. I, thankfully, didn’t care much about social acceptance and kept to myself. But I hated her from then on because what she presented to others was a lie. She has been in my dreams on and off ever since, which drove me crazy!

Upon realizing this past life, I understood why we were destined to have this relationship in this life. Had we been of opposite genders, then we likely would have played into our past life roles. Either way, we would have hated one another because the past life was left with such animosity on her part because our relationship was never resolved. I hope now that it has been!

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To Become Whole, We Must First Be Separate

Warning – this post could upset some of you, especially those of you who have experienced sexual trauma.

“To become Whole, We must first Be Separate”.

This was what I was told this morning when I awoke in tears from a dream directed at helping me to heal a major wound which I have been carrying with me for many, many lives.

Dream

In the dream I was a counselor who was told about an incident where a young girl witnessed her father molesting her little brother. In the dream, I actually witnessed it as well. I took the girl to report it and listened to her statement.

Then I shifted into a hospital setting and was laying in a bed. Everything was white. In front of me was this machine that I knew was an electroshock therapy machine. It was connected to me. I kept shocking myself over and over again with it. For some reason the shock made me feel better and I would smile. I both experienced and witnessed this as it occurred.

Then a man came into the room. I recognized him as my partner. He was completely naked. He radiated unconditional love and sympathy as he crawled into my hospital bed and snuggled up to me. I felt completely numb and did not respond to him.

When I awoke, I was crying uncontrollably. It was not sobbing, but more silent, slow tears that wouldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried to stop them and my heart chakra was ablaze with a warm, comforting feeling. I heard from my Companion, “It’s not your fault.”

Healing a Deep Wound

The wound itself has been one of discussion in this blog before. It specifically comes from the past 3 lives prior to this one but is also a part of this lifetime.

The wound, simply put, is betrayal. More specifically, this betrayal is betrayal of love and trust. The love of a child for a parent. The love of a woman for her husband. The complete trust of a child that their parents will care for them, protect them, and nurture them because they are too small and too innocent to do so themselves. The complete trust of a wife in her husband and expectation that he will protect her and bear what she cannot.

With all this betrayal of love and trust also comes a feeling of complete abandonment by God.

There is also a complete disgust for mankind and the male gender in general.

To recap:

  • Most recent past life: I was murdered by my father at the age of 6. I am not sure why but Remembered this morning that my mother, who I thought innocent, was an accomplice. Betrayal by parents.
  • Life before that: I married a man who was abusive and raped me. Betrayal by husband.
  • Life before that: As a child I was molested by my own father after my mother’s death. Later in that life I was murdered by my own husband who also murdered our infant son and then killed himself. Betrayal by father. Betrayal by husband.

This Lifetime

Memories from this life also surfaced. When I was little, around 7 years old, I walked past our bathroom and saw our neighbor using the restroom in front of my little sister. He was asking her, “Do you want to touch it.” Horrified, I took my sister’s hand and told her, “No.” The moment will forever be ingrained in my memory.

I told my mom but I had no idea what, if anything, she did about. The neighbors eventually moved to Mexico, though.

Fast forward to 2003. On a road trip back from California, I fell asleep in the back seat only to awaken to the sound of my mom and older sister having a serious conversation. In it, I overheard that my sister had been molested by the neighbor when she was 10-11 years old. This was the same neighbor who I had seen trying to get my younger sister to touch him. I interrupted their conversation because I was totally shocked. My sister said, “I thought you knew about it. He did it to you, too.” I had no idea what she was talking about.

She went on to tell of what exactly he did and how he use to touch all three of us when swimming in our pool. My sister has struggled with healing from her experiences her whole life.

I still have no memory of any of it.

In recalling all of this, I wondered if maybe I buried memories from this life to save myself from what my sister is still struggling to heal. I honestly don’t think that he did to me what he did to her, but I have feelings that do not make sense from that time in my life. I also have huge gaps in my memory from that time in my life.

Connecting the Dots

Beliefs and feelings were obvious to me. It was like a flood of information, as if all the weeks of deep sleep and healing were finally revealed.

Love is painful. Men are not to be trusted. It was my fault, so I should be punished.

There are other false beliefs but these are the main ones. The last, especially, is troublesome because it is the last belief that continues the cycle.

My guidance has long told me, “You are special”. It was repeated this morning. This time, however, I understood why. This phrase was often spoken to me when I was molested by my father in the first life in this cycle. Everything that happened after was associated with that phrase. That is why I always retract from it and experience fear when I hear it. I always think, “I am NOT special.” I don’t want to be special because to be special means accepting what happened to me and what I was – which was “bad”. In that lifetime I felt I was being punished – by my father and by God – but I had no idea what I had done wrong.

It was reiterated that none of it was my fault and that I need not be punished any longer. The emotions from that and the other lifetime resurfaced. Emotions of confusion of a child who loved his/her parents unconditionally only to suffer at their hands. Despite all of their mistreatment of me, I still loved them. I love them so much that I assumed it was not their fault but my own.

I was reminded that I reject love from others; I do not allow myself to be loved fully. Love is fully trusting in another. It is placing all of yourself in their hands. I refuse to do that. If I cannot do that, I cannot become Whole.

This wound is the last big hurdle I face in the path to Wholeness. I asked why I had not just healed it on the Other Side between lives. It was explained that when we are Home we are separated from much of the experience of the pain, so we cannot fully heal our wounds unless we are in the physical where they originated. When I return to the physical the pattern continues – I feel I should be punished and so I am. And it was never my fault to begin with.

 

 

 

 

 

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A Selection of True Awakening Experiences Part II

I am participating in Barbara Franken’s February challenge and sharing my personal awakening experience in A Selection of True Awakening Experiences Part II. 🙂

When I consider my own spiritual awakening, I am at first overwhelmed by the enormity of the task I have set for myself when participating in this challenge. If I start in a linear fashion, from the very beginning of my awakening in 2003, the length of this post would be unbearably long. However, if I look at the various paths I took and the lessons I learned along the way, the task is much easier to swallow.

Constantly Questioning

From the minute I could form my first thought, there was a question. I haven’t stopped asking questions since.

As a child one of the first things I recall doing when I had the ability to, was to go back to my very first memory and remember all I could. Before that first memory, there was nothing. Just blackness. This intrigued me because I could feel something was being blocked from my view. Why was this? Why am I here? What happened before I got here? Where was I before I got here? Who am I?

Sometimes asking these questions sent me down unbearably dark paths for when I asked, “Why am I here?” I often asked my someone external to myself like my mother or my sister. Other times it brought me into great moments of joy and awe for sometimes I was presented with a question in return – What do you think? – and when that happened so did some pretty wonderful realizations.

Meeting Myself

Ultimately, like all those who go searching the deepest, darkest places, I was ran face first into the many facets of myself. I opened a Pandora’s Box and there was no going back. I had to confront myself; everything “good” and everything “dark” had to be inspected. I did this with the help of my Companion, Steven, who is my counterpart in Spirit. He is the part of me who Remembers, as he likes to say. And his role is to share some of that memory with me, in little bits and pieces. But I have to ask the right questions. It is all in asking the right questions.

Eventually, all this questioning, led me to my spiritual gifts. This happened seemingly all at once but really it took about a month for them all to manifest. Suddenly, I was a medium, a healer, a medical intuitive, a channel, and a psychic all at once. This threw me into a tailspin. I quit my job, changed my name, and went on a journey which ultimately led to the beginning of my Dark Night of the Soul. It was an eye-opening journey and one that taught me how to love myself when in the past I could barely look at my own reflection.

During my Dark Night my spiritual progression intensified exponentially. I had spontaneous past life memories that I would re-experience as if they were happening in the present. These would be presented to me for inspection and clearing. My Companion or one of my Assistants would take me through the life, asking me questions similar to how a hypnotherapist does when they walk their client through a past life. Each question would open up more of the life and the accompanying emotions. This was an excruciating process as you can imagine. Many lives had to be visited more than once in order to be cleared. Some are still in the process of clearing.

To date, I have Remembered 30+ Earth lives. The time frame extends from before 10,000BC to the present. Many of them are recorded in my blog sequentially, but I have not yet included them all. I have also recalled lives from other planets/dimensions.

Self-Exploration

In addition to revisiting my past lives during my Dark Night, I also experienced my first spontaneous OBE. This opened up a path of exploration that I never knew existed. What was most amazing is that OBEs finally allowed me to be face-to-face with my Team of guides and, most importantly, with my Companion. Talk about exciting! Suddenly I was visiting other dimensions, other planets, other realms, and my Companion was always there with me. Sometimes I would see him, touch him, hear him. Other times I would just feel him next to me, guiding me and showing me what I needed to see. Through OBEs I was able to tap into yet another unknown part of myself – the timeless, multidimensional, manifesting, and powerful I AM.

Kundalini

Right from the get-go I had Kundalini activity. I didn’t know what it was at first, so it was quite scary. As I got use to it, however, she became like an old friend. She started from the top down at first and all I can say is, “Wow!” Nothing compares to a top-down Kundalini activation. Instant awareness and connection to Source/All That Is. Intense clearing, spontaneous past life recollections, spirit guide communication, and every kind of healing you can imagine.

Then she went dormant for over 7 years accompanied by a seemingly complete loss of my spiritual gifts, a significant reduction in OBEs, and extremely limited communication with my Team of guides. She returned with a vengeance in 2014, this time on a wild ride from root to crown. The sensations this time around are even more intense and the experiences more profound than the first and I don’t think she will be letting up anytime soon.

Contact

The most recent path I have been led down has been the most difficult for me. Contact was made with me by other worldly Beings – Beings from other dimensions, other planets, other times. The first visits were while I was OOB and fully aware. They showed themselves as my own reflection in the mirror or would stand in the shadows. Other times they would wake me in the morning for “briefings” and I would have intense channeling sessions where my crown would seem to just open up and information (light) would pour into me. Oftentimes this would come in the form of codes, or light language. These experiences were also accompanied by memories of the “work” I do as part of the Galactic Federation of Light Ground Crew as a grid-worker and energy worker/healer.

Service

Finally, I am Remembering more and more of my path/purpose here. I am just now beginning to see it fully forming ahead of me; though, unbeknownst to me, I have been traveling it from the beginning. It is the path of service- the reason I am here. To help. To be of assistance. To prepare the path for those to come. I am not completely sure what this will look like but I am more than ready to get started.

So this is my story of awakening thus far and in a nut shell. It is ever-changing and I know it will not be the same today as tomorrow or the next day. My Team knows I get bored easily and need to be kept on my toes and they do their job extremely well! I am never disappointed. 🙂

Next up in the challenge is Mick.

 

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Lucid Dream: Irish Blacksmith

This lucid dream occurred immediately after the OBE about the blizzard. I believe I was being shown a past life with my guide, Jeb.

Lucid to OBE: Irish Blacksmith

Not long after my OBE, I fell into the in-between and a lucid dream state.

My husband and I had just traveled a long distance by carriage to his new place of employment. We entered an establishment which was to be his new place of employment. When we entered I was immediately taken by the immaculate condition of the place. The dark wood floors were almost shiny they were so clean and the space was very open and neat. It was not what I had expected at all.

The owner, my husband’s new boss, greeted me first. We embraced, which I feel was a tradition and he kissed me on either side of the face very gently. I withdrew and stood back to allow my husband his proper space. There was a feeling that my place was always in the background and I would only speak when spoken to. I happily took on this role. There was absolutely no resentment.

I recall how very short the owner, an Irish blacksmith, was. He was about my height, which I suppose meant he was approximately 5’5″ or less in height. He was very brawny and muscular and clean shaven. His eyes sparkled. I was not attracted to him but watched him with respect. He was a great man and my husband was lucky to have been chosen to work with him.

I remember him asking me about our long journey. I responded that it had been well but I was tired. I remember speaking very softly. How different I was compared to this life!

I knew the year was in the early 1800’s, but I am not sure when exactly. I am also not sure if we were in the U.S. or Ireland.

I woke soon after quite amazed at how clear the life memory was.

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Horse Symbolism

It has been a beautiful day today and I have been outside most all of it. Today I went to visit my mom as is my normal weekly routine. I do it because I love her but also because I feel I should – as if my time with her is limited and so I should make the most of it while I can.

While at my mom’s house I sat in the sun, absorbing it’s warmth as much as I could and watching the clouds fly past. It seemed like they were in a hurry to get somewhere. Their exuberance was appealing to me. I wish I was up there with them.

Here are some shots of the clouds today. I wish I had taken video now so you could see just how fast they were moving through the sky.

After tending to (and playing with) the chickens we caught the attention of the neighbors horses. My children and I spent most of the rest of our time there with the two horses, feeding them and petting them. They were so gentle, their muzzles so soft as they tried to find food in our empty hands or eat our hair. lol

I was especially drawn to the horses today for some reason. I see them every visit but don’t care much to communicate with or pet them. But today I wanted to get up close and hug one. The closest I got was to pet their faces and smell their horse smell. That was enough considering I really am afraid of them. Baby steps. 🙂

When we got home I was still thinking about the horses. I was reminded that I have had many, many encounters with horses in dreams and OBEs. A horse has even talked to me while OOB! lol It has been suggested by many others that horse is likely one of my totems and I tend to agree. I was obsessed with them as a child and use to draw pictures of wild mustangs constantly. Every picture I drew had either a horse or a unicorn in it. 🙂 Strangely, when in the presence of a horse I am often nervous and afraid of how big and powerful they are.

I know that horses symbolize freedom, especially the wild ones. Tame horses, on the other hand, tend to represent aspects of one’s personality that they keep confined.

Rather than write it all out, you can read about the horse here.

From what I can tell, it appears that I am being drawn to the horse at this time in my life to help me with some of the current challenges I am facing. I have been really struggling with the transformation or whatever it is that I am going through. I have never in my life experienced such a split within myself and it is painfully present at all times during the day. The only reprieve I get is while I sleep but it comes back as soon as I wake. I am learning to be in my heart space despite feeling this split and it is getting easier – er well maybe I am just getting use to it. There is guidance but it is limited because whatever is happening to me is something my Team cannot interfere with. From what I can tell, there is a mountain sized issue standing in my path and I don’t think I will be able to go around it this time. Makes me want to spew out every cuss word that exists.

Thinking I should have just gone over the fence and given that horse a hug now. Maybe it would have made me feel better? Or maybe it would have kicked the crap out of me. LOL

 

 

 

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The Volunteers

I’ve been reading The Convoluted Universe Book 3 for a while now. I keep bookmarking pages of this book because it resonates with me so much.

Chapter 13: The Volunteers

In this chapter Dolores presents many examples of first timers to Earth and the waves of volunteers who came to Earth to help raise the vibration.

In one section of this chapter she works with a man named James who describes demolecularization as his means of travel.

Then the feeling of movement, and a shocking revelation. “Forward, forward – elsewhere, very, very fast. When it moved, when it …. jumped? It made me feel ….. split apart, like atoms….Like demolecularization, but not in a bad way; just necessary. It is necessary in order to travel. You cannot travel in the physical body. It’s too fast. The body would break. So they demolecularize me till they can put me back together later. It’s contained within the light, within the dome area. Maybe the light holds it or keeps it from going everywhere”.

When I read this I knew this is what had happened to me. I’ve had many incidences where I felt this way. The first time it happened I came back from wherever I had been completely freaked out, shaking and begging for help. I ended up going downstairs and just hugging my husband. It happened several times after that but with less intensity, almost like I started to get use to whatever it was that was happening to me.

When I would come back together from being split apart I would remember everything initially – like I had all the knowledge of the universe. Then, the more solid I became, the less I remembered. It felt like the knowledge was siphoned off. I think this is what terrified me the most.

I know that I, like James, had been traveling. Not only that, but I remember the domed area he talks about, too! I wonder what form I am changing into? I have no memory of what I look like when I go to this area. The next time I go I have to look at myself.

James then talks about what he is doing when he reaches this domed area. He is training. He is learning about Earth through simulations and “life games” which ultimately are the putting on of lives to help him better adapt to life on Earth.

This also feel accurate for me. Sometimes I think my dreams are conscious memories of these life scenarios.

 

Purpose: To Help

Over and over the people who Dolores talks to in her book explain that they are on Earth “to help”. They often describe an overwhelming desire to assist, a “pull” toward Earth or a “calling”, and a nervousness about descending into a body.

I remembered what I was doing prior to coming into this body. I remember preparing to descend into the body. I was nervous and spent quite a bit of time reviewing this life before descending. I felt an intense pull towards Earth as I “fell” down towards it. I was also afraid. The last thing I remember was hearing that my older sister had been born and it was time for me to go.

The 3 Waves of Volunteers

According to Dolores Cannon, there are three waves of volunteers:

First Wave– These people would be in their 40s and early 50s now, finally adjusting to life after going through turbulent early years of feeling they didn’t belong here. A number tried to commit suicide or were treated for depression.

2nd Wave– Presently in their 20s and 30s, these folk had an easier time, and have been called “channels, generators, and antennas,” and project positive energy. Many have chosen not to have children, as this creates karma, and they don’t want to have to return to Earth after this life.

3rd Wave– The New Children are coming into the world with altered DNA, so they can function in a different reality (vibrations are pushing Earth into a new dimension).

I know I am a volunteer, I just don’t know which wave I am. I seem to fit the description of the 1st wave completely but I am not that old. I also fit part of the description of the second wave some, too. Maybe I am a mix of both? I don’t guess it really matters, though.

When I question my Companion, I am reminded that this is not my first attempt to help. My last attempt ended prematurely. This was the life when I died in 1971, the same year my older sister was born. I would have been born in the 1960’s, 1964 I think because I was about 6-7 years old when I died in that life. I was told that my life was suppose to continue but someone I was meant to be with/work with, either opted out or something was changed last minute. In other words, my path and theirs were linked and so when their course changed, so did mine. Unfortunately for me, it was quite upsetting as I was murdered. Ouch!

Karma

I feel like I have karma I am working through, but since reading Dolores’ book, I keep feeling that I am missing something.

Last night when I went to bed I had entered into another mini-panic. What was funny is my mind was going a hundred miles an hour with panic-like thoughts but I didn’t actually feel panic. While in this weird state I felt often a sudden pull into my heart and all would go quiet. On a couple of other times I felt something move seemingly into me from the left. When this happened I would also calm down and the mind would shut off. This was the strangest feeling I have had since the demolecularization feeling. It was like a bubble of energy that had substance to it, almost like a pressure, moved into my head from the left. And with it came a complete disconnection with this life, but only momentarily. This disconnection is why my mind would shut off. It was like I was unplugged from this life, reset or maybe short circuited.

After the last “bubble” hit me, I was aware suddenly that I reflect karma for the people I meet. This means that whatever karma the person needs to work through they work through with me. It’s like I project to them what they need of me to work through whatever it is they need to work through.

In remembering this I knew it was true. My relationship with my ex is certainly one of these. I knew when I married him I was marrying him to help him. I knew it would be temporary. And when I wanted to leave I couldn’t. It was like I was stuck and only when he was ready was I allowed out.

I don’t know if there is a name for people like me, but I can tell you the job sucks. I won’t do it again. I think I got conned into it.

Now does this mean I carry no karma? I don’t know. I don’t think so, but I am still trying to figure it all out. Dolores discusses imprinting of lives quite a bit. She explains there is no way to differentiate between imprinted ones and real ones. Every time I read about imprinted lives I think I have these. But I can’t tell. I would really love to be one of those who is immune to karma but I know I’m not. I have two more lives after this one after all, to sort through what I have left.

 

 

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My Multidimensional Work: The Seraphim and The Eagle

When my Companion woke me at 5:30am, I had been in a dream where I was helping a young woman named Cassandra. The dream immediately vanished from my memory, though, all but her name that is.

That’s when then that I recalled my journey into 5D. The shedding of layers of density, the establishment of a Link and my transfer to my final destinations.

The Seraphim and The Eagle

The destinations for me were two. I was told the first was called “The Seraphim” and the second “The Eagle”. They appeared as balls of swirling energy/consciousness. Yet when I got closer they became locations similar to being in a room or inside a vessel of some sort. I don’t recall much of the environment other than it was familiar to me.

From these stations I joined others (crew members) and we did our “work”. On board the Seraphim which was much larger than the Eagle the work was consciousness-oriented and focused specifically on assisting with Earth ascension on a large scale. For me, it seemed like a place where I obtained my “orders” and conversed/exchanged with others with similar purpose.

The Eagle is where I am stationed and conduct my “work”. The name is symbolic of the type of work being done by those “on board”. It is one of the main vessels for the United States and so the symbol is appropriate. However, our purpose is also inherent in the name – timing, victory and spiritual quest. Eagles are known for their vision and in this I feel a strong identification as do the members of my group. Our vision is what joins us in our purpose.

While aboard the Eagle last night I have specific memory of working with the woman I called Cassandra. What was amazing to me is that I worked with her as her Assistant (guide)! I recall helping her get into what appeared to be a large box but I believe that is just how my human mind processed it. Its purpose was to align her energy but Cassandra was not liking it at all and was extremely fearful of it. Her reaction on a subconscious level projected as a nightmare and this is how her conscious mind perceived it. I do not know exactly what her dream was, but she would have awakened feeling very upset temporarily but it would appear as only a dream to her.

In this Assistance I am in essence a human guide for a fellow human. This reminded me of the encounter I had with one of my healing Assistants. He had shown me the locations where he “worked” on Earth as a healer. I had been surprised to discover he was also currently living a life. Now, here I was doing the same thing! I was once told that I was training to be a guide. I thought it was a future endeavor, not something on-going!

The work of those on board the Eagle is to assist in the awakening of individuals still technically “asleep”. We are assigned to specific individuals per our skill set. I was shown my specific skill set which was accumulated via my past incarnations (the last four were called to mind). I won’t go into detail here, though I want to, but I was able to see the specific lessons learned and why I learned them. So utterly amazing!

I now can clearly that all my lives before this one were to prepare me for my work NOW. It is a bit overwhelming as well and brings a huge amount of satisfaction. My specific work now is as an Assistant-in-training. I am assigned but watched over, similar to a student teacher in that I have progress checks and consultations with my mentor teachers.

Timeline of Concern

There is a memory I recovered that is of concern to me and others in my group. In this memory I am able to see different timelines and zero in on ones of particular interest. It is like I am high up in the sky looking down on a screen of probabilities.

From this vantage point I was able to see a specific timeline that is a probable outcome for the U.S. I will say it was quite disturbing and I do not completely understand it. I saw two massive groups of people, one which looked like a mass of yellow (confused) energy. Above that group was a face. I recognized it as “Bush”. This caused me to retract. I recognized this timeline to be an undesirable. With this came the word “witch hunt” and I immediately thought of Salem and the witch hunts that took place there. It was told to me that there is potential for those of us who are outspoken about ascension and the dangers of the “dark” to be targeted. It also reminded me of the Bible and how those who were followers of the Light were eliminated by the Dark. This gave me a sinking feeling in my stomach.

Seekers of Truth Forging a New Path

I was then reminded of a particular trait of mine (and many other Indigos). It manifests as stubbornness and standing up for what is right. I recognized myself instantly as an Indigo though my Companion says there are many names for the path I travel (he avoids labels and categories because they are limiting). I saw this personality tendency in many of my past lives. I struggle with it even in this life for it pushes me to question and I tend to get very rigid when I know something is not true or I detect deception. It also tends to lead me to isolate myself as it is there to forge a new path, a new path for others to follow. This personality trait or tendency is purposeful in those of us who came to help with the ascension. We must speak out, we must not be afraid to speak out and to stand up for what is right. That’s our job, witch hunt or not, for we are the seekers of truth forging a new path for humanity.

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Healing Work – Dream: My Painting

Behind-the-scenes work is being done and I am being allowed to remember it. This kind of work I am open to, but it has been a long time since I have done this kind of self-healing.

Dream: My Painting

My dreams last night were near lucid. In fact, in one particular part of a long dream sequence I recall being very aware very suddenly of walking down a crowded street. I remember wondering, “Where am I?” and seeing in my mind as I walked a map of the United States zoomed in on Louisiana.

The city I was in was large and there were people walking towards me. I looked at their faces as I walked. I remember thinking, “I am going to meet someone. I am going to meet someone”, but I had no clue who that person was, only that it was a man.

The street I was on seemed narrow and the buildings older than present time. I tried to wrap my mind around the situation but it was hard. I was dreaming and the dream kept overcoming me and my memories would seem to split into little mini-movie screens in my mind. I will recount what I remembered after I finish retelling this dream.

I made it to my destination which was a very tall, sand-colored building that stood much higher than the other very gray, concrete and mortar buildings of the city. It’s surface was smooth and it was shaped like a closed flower – a tulip or lotus – and the tip reached high into the sky.

I don’t know how I entered but the next thing I knew I was inside the building walking along the halls looking for the person in charge. I knew I was in a building of higher education, like an administration building but only in that the people inside monitored a large, intricate system of learning.

I met the man and we walked to hallways. He led me to an alcove where there was a curtain obscuring my view of something behind it. He said, “I still have your painting” and he opened up the curtains and revealed a large oil painting. I was relieved. They still had it. My painting. I looked at it but could only see small portions of it. It was as if it was divided into smaller paintings like a comic strip or story board. I remember seeing various scenes but none of them were familiar. All were in vivid color and depicted normal, daily life activities and important events.

The dream shifted dramatically then, as if I went into the painting but there was no experience of shifting. I was inside a small, barren, stone room with a man. He was older and kind of fat. I sat and knew I was a woman and dressed in clothing that is not of my current time period. It reminded me of the Civil War era.

He offered me a drink and I took the clear bottle in my hand and poured the amber colored liquid. I took a drink. I remember thinking I should not drink as I had a long trip ahead of me.

Then I was shifted again and I was the partner or perhaps mistress of this man. He abused me and I was complaining to someone about him. I remember that I was upset because he asked the servants to give me breakfast for dinner.

Then I was staring at him face to face. Both of us looked as if we had been beaten. Perhaps we had fought? I was allowed to leave, so I did.

The dream shifted again and I was walking in the woods somewhere higher in elevation than I had been. I was on the edge of a hill and slipped a bit which caused me to notice a man standing at the treeline. When I saw him, I went to him and the entire woodland area disappeared and a golden color replaced it.

I saw the man and embraced him and felt such desire overcome me that I could not breathe. I communicated without words to this man who agreed to be with me and I remember feeling his skin against mine as we embraced and kissed.

Afterward

I awoke with my root and second chakra blazing. I felt my guide close and heard, “Parallel life”.  Of course, I wanted to return to sleep, but it was too late. I asked when this life was and was told, “1868”. I knew it was in Louisiana so I thought, “Reconstruction?”

Confused for a moment, I thought back on my dream. I have re-experienced two lives that fit into this era. One in which I was a man in San Fransisco and another where I was a woman in the Midwest. I was confused because the time period of the dream fit with the life when I was a man, yet I clearly was not a man in the dream.

There were tidbits of something else intermixed with the experience. I remember discussing something prior to becoming lucid in the dream. I was in an office sitting at a desk and discussing things with a man both in person and via chat on a computer. I remember discussing a painting and him saying, “You were so into that painting that you worked on it for 10 years”. I remember seeing a painting in its entirety. It was a scene of some explorers looking down on a valley. There were five of them, only one was a woman. I remember the title had “America” in it, but that is all.

In remembering these things, I knew that I had been taken somewhere while I slept. It was like I went to a place of learning; a place where records were kept. I was shown my lives, like a review, and asked to consider the lessons I had learned and those that I had not let go of because of their connection with “human desire”.

The life where I was a man was a miserable one. I had been married and left her behind to go West. There I had very strong sexual urges and could not resist them. I continually “sinned” and then tried to drink away my guilt and shame. I ended up dying from my alcohol addiction a very sad man.

The life where I was a woman was after my life as a man. I had been molested by my father and ran away at a young age. I ended up prostituting myself. I experienced much inner conflict because I had not expected to enjoy my work – but I did. Every time I slept with a man I enjoyed it but I could not get the image of my father and his treatment of me out of my mind. My thoughts were that if I enjoyed sex then I must have enjoyed sex with my father, which I hadn’t and which had caused me much pain and suffering. So I rejected my enjoyment and desire because it was the only way I could deal with the conflict inside me.

Two lives with the same conflict under different circumstances. Why was I being shown this?

I know I have absolutely no desire for sexual connections at this time in my life. I feel a-sexual in a way. It just isn’t there yet in my dreams it is. When I saw the man in the woods (clearly my guide) the desire that I felt was intense, almost like a drug. When I awoke I thought of it and how such a feeling can really mess up a person’s life if they chose to give into it. Am I trying now, in my current life, to avoid making what I feel is a “mistake” by blocking all desire? Interesting.

I suppose it will be revealed in time. I do know that these two lives seem never to stop coming up. Sigh.