Category Archives: Transferred from old blog

by

Past Lives Part 1: BCE

I have remembered many past lives in my quest for knowledge. Some came about spontaneously, while others were found during auditing sessions. I even found one during a hypnosis session.

Lately I have wanted to write down all my past lives in order from my very first memory to my most recent. I am going to limit the lives on the time line to my Earth lives because I have remembered lives where I was most obviously not on Earth and feel those dates/times will only confuse the time line.

For the first part of the time line I am going to start with those lives I have remembered that are the farthest back, so those during BCE (Before Current Era or Before Christian Era) or the years before Christ’s birth.

BCE is the opposite from AD (meaning Anno Domini or In the year of the Lord) when it comes to how the dating works. Instead of the years counting up from 1 like they do in AD time lines, the years actually count down from as far back in the past as the time the of man’s first ancestors and beyond. In the case of my time line, I am going to start only as far back as my very first past life memory, which was approximately 10,025yrs BCE.

It was during an auditing session that I remembered this very distant past life. It was quite surprising to me because 1. it was so amazingly vivid and 2. my surroundings and the way my body looked and felt were so different from my surroundings and the way my body looks/feels in this life.

___________________________________________________________________________________

My first impression upon remembering this life was the feeling of the moist, wet ground under my feet and the rough textures of the leaves and sticks that occasionally poked my feet as I walked over them. I looked up and noticed a canopy of green many feet high over my head. As my eyes spanned the area to my left and right I saw more trees and thick greenery and noticed I was walking in a line, probably about the fifth or sixth person in a line of maybe 30 or more people.

My first thought was “Wow!” but then I stared wondering, “Where am I? What do I look like? When is it?” I looked down to see if I could get a glimpse of my body and was shocked at what I saw. My belly was protruding and I quickly concluded that I was very, very pregnant, and obviously female. I also noticed that I was unclothed and that my body was covered in a down-like medium brown hair that was thicker down the middle of my stomach and lighter on the edges. Where my naval would normally be was a lighter colored area where the skin had been stretched by my growing baby. I noticed that my arms and legs were also covered in hair and that my skin tone was a medium color, but a bit lighter than the hair. I was no animal, however, I was very obviously human. My hands and feet were familiar and so was the way my body felt. I don’t think I was very tall, maybe 4-5ft tall, but the others in line in front of me were a varying heights, some taller and some shorter than myself.

As I continued along the time track of that life I felt a moist sensation between my legs and heard a loud noise, it was a human sound like a call or holler. I instantly knew I needed to leave the line and find a safe place to hide. I was having my baby.

I veered off to my left and went through the thick underbrush. It was getting dark and I was afraid. I had not been away from my group before. I knew I needed to find shelter and made my way to an outcropping of rock. It was a familiar place so I think I had been there before.

As night approached I began to feel pain in my stomach. It was horrendous and I tried to keep quiet but could not hold back and several times I let out a horrible screech. I remember hearing a return call from the distance which reassured me. They were waiting for me. I could only figure that “they” meant my group/family.

Deep in the night I finally gave birth. The experience was one that I relived but only partially, of which I am grateful. I remember seeing the dark rock, glistening with moisture and looking at the moist dirt at my feet and feeling an intense desire to push. When I finally did push it was not long before my baby was born.

When I reach down to pick up my new born baby I was concerned. There were no cries. The silence was deafening. I could not see well, but I could make out a small form on the ground and could see the umbilical cord at my feet. I picked up the baby and shook him. Still no noise. I began to panic. I knew he was suppose to cry but he wasn’t! There were no rational thoughts at this time, I must add. It was as if my mind in that life was unable to process the info or had no words with which to think. The feelings were raw and very real. I was frantic. I began to pound the baby on the back with my hands but still no crying. The longer the silence continued the more frantic I got. Eventually I began to slam the baby into the ground. I was no longer sane in my mind. I was a grieving mother who did not know what to do with this unfamiliar emotion. I did not cry, I wailed. I remember feeling the emotion as it poured out of me – a mixture of fear, panic, sadness and frustration. I have never felt such emotional agony in this life.

I finally left the baby on the ground and spent a few moments in a daze looking at him. He was lifeless and I was exhausted. It felt like I stood there in that state for an eternity, my grief finally leaving me exhausted and numb.

Finally I heard a cry from a distance. It was like a “Whoop! Whoop!” I knew it was my family calling to me. They were closer now. They had not left me.

I had an overwhelming urge to rejoin them. I knew I had to. I knew I could not stay there long. The smell of the blood from birth would attract animals. I looked at my baby, still lying lifeless on the ground, his body purple in the growing daylight. He was so tiny. He couldn’t have been more than 5lbs. I picked him up hoping he would show signs of life, but he was cold and stiff.  I knew I had to leave him and leave quickly. I didn’t want to. There was a feeling of agony here, like my heart being stabbed a thousand times. My son was dead but somehow I still held onto hope that he would revive. I didn’t want to leave him.

Finally, with the sun on the horizon, I heard another call and I called back. I put my son down by the outside of the cave. I looked back at his tiny body laying on the yellow-green moss that covered the ground. I didn’t say goodbye other than to look back that one last time. There I left him without burying him.

That was my life in 10,025BCE.

___________________________________________________________________________________

1618BCE

I found myself sitting down at a desk. In front of me was a thick, yellowing paper with writing on it. The writing was unfamiliar to me in this life but somehow I knew it was Greek. I looked out the window in front of me and saw a plume of smoke rising out of a mountain top in the distance. I knew it was a volcano erupting. I knew I was a man, and a large one at that because I could feel my body and it felt large. It also felt old and not in the best of health. I could see my belly as I looked down at my body and saw that I was wearing what looked like a robe but it was tan or off white in color. There was a glass of wine on my desk and I drank the last of it. The glass was made of some kind of pottery. I got up and barked out orders to my family to make haste. We needed to leave the area as quickly as possible because soot and ash were already covering the sky in the distance and the plum of smoke was making its way towards us.I remember wondering what the date was. I instantly knew it was 1618.

As I rushed to get out of the path of the volcano, the ground shook. I could see the ground as I ran about, it was stone or very packed earth. I saw articles of clothing strew about and my feet, which were in some kind of cloth looking booty, similar to house shoes. The ground shaking made my steps uneven and I stumbled more than once. I climbed onto the back of a reddish brown colored horse and pushed him down a cobblestone path that was only wide enough for about two horses. On the right side of the road was a steep, stone outcropping that continued up the side of a very high hill or mountain. To my left was a drop off that went down I don’t know how many feet. The road was definitely cut into the side of a steep hill or mountain. The ground shook again and the horse reared up. I lost my grip and was thrown. My head hit the cobblestone and I couldn’t move. My last memory of that life was seeing the cobblestone and smelling smoke. I could see my body as I left it. My head was red with blood and my hair was gray and long and I had a beard that was about a foot long and kind of raggedy looking. I could see my body very clearly at that time. It was round and I was indeed wearing a robe that was tied at my waste and went down to my ankles. I could also see the area where I was and it was indeed on a steep mountainside and there were many more mountains in the distance and a glimmering of water to my left. The sky was dark with black ash and I could see sparks of red and orange embers in the air. Where the volcano was rumbling all I could see through the haze was a vague outline of the peak and a reddish glow.

**Later I researched this life and found out that this volcanic eruption was real. The Santorini eruption in the Mediterranean occurred at the date I remember this life to be.

___________________________________________________________________________________

 Approximately 1200BCE

I became aware of this life in hypnosis. I could see out a window and saw hundreds of adobe-looking houses stacked along the hillside. I was above them and could see linens of white and browns hanging out windows and could see people walking below me. Most had things on their heads, turbans maybe. I became aware of my body. It was small and dark skinned. I was male. I was maybe 7-8yrs old. I also knew I was a slave or indentured servant of some sort. I could see that the house I was standing in was very small and had a dirt floor. I know I lived there with my mother, but I could not see her.

The memory faded as quickly as it came. I was able to grasp the date and that I was in Egypt before the memory fully faded away.

___________________________________________________________________________________

by

Liger – June, 2014

In the brief lull of life change that I have been experiencing this week, I recently started to notice the other changes that have been occurring under the surface. These changes are in fact a result of what I was warned of many months ago – the “merging” process my guide told me was in process.

But I am getting ahead of myself. Let me start with some recent realizations I had that led to the conclusion I drew above.

Help

Yesterday, while reviewing my previous blog posts, I read a few that reminded me of things my guides told me would occur. The first was that two people would help me. This was in July 2013 when I was struggling to accept that I was going to return to a job that was slowly eating away at me with the negativity it surrounded me with. I believe I have met both of these people. The first was the boss who initially hired me for the position I am now in. The second is the interim boss I now have.

How have they helped me? Well, the first, of course, she hired me and gave me reprieve from the horribly negative job I felt stuck in. But there was more to our meeting. As I got to know her I found in her a very wonderful person who wore her heart on her sleeve. Some would call her a bleeding heart even, but she was also a very strong and courageous being. Without going into her entire story, lets just say her life experiences put into perspective just how well-off I had it in life. She taught me that being emotional could be a strength and reminded me that my purpose was shared by many others. She also taught me the importance of having faith and trusting that God (or the universe) was fulfilling a larger purpose through me.

The second woman and helper is my current boss. Even though we had a rocky first few days together, she is already teaching me so much. This woman is an advanced being. She is much older than I am – she could be my mother – and the experience she brings to the table is priceless. Though she has never come right out and told me that she has spiritual gifts, she has revealed them to me with just a few statements and stories. For example, she told me a story about how she just knew that someone was stealing from her. It was one of those instances where she trusted her intuition and it proved right. When I expressed my surprise she said to me, “You are a smart woman. Some things we just know”. The way she spoke to me and her expression as she did so caused me to pause and consider that maybe, just maybe she was here to help me.

I have heard that the people we meet in life come to us as a result of our thoughts/emotions/Spirit. Like attracts like. We bring to us what we need to see in ourselves, even if we do not want to see it. Sometimes we just need to know that we are on the right path. Other times we need to see that which is holding us back. And there are numerous other lessons and messages.

Who Is In Control?

I have been having quite a few dreams lately where I am inside a vehicle. I have always considered those dreams symbolic of my life path. The vehicle represents my path and how well I am treading upon it. However, yesterday I was hit with another thought of what this could symbolize. Perhaps the vehicle is representative of this body that I am in? The physical body is the vehicle through which we experience life on Earth. How well we control our body and the mind that comes with it determines the success or failure of our life experience. For example, if you were driving a car and you fell asleep, what would happen? Well you would most certainly end up in an accident of some sort. If you are lucky you may just end up rolling to a stop on the side of the road. What would happen if you fell asleep in life? And in a car there is this handy, dandy instrument known as cruise control. As you may have learned from using it, cruise control is for cruising along on the same path. I think many of us get stuck on cruise control in life.

For some reason this thought came to me quite unexpectedly yesterday twice in the same day. Once, very appropriately, while driving home. The second time I was preparing for bed and kept thinking, “I am in control”. The thought was more of an understanding of how it is to be Spirit in a body and what has been going on with me for most of my life. For the majority of my life I have not been in control. I have either been on cruise control or I have been asleep at the wheel. Not very good results come from that. I have to be awake. I have to know my vehicle and how to control it. Believe it or not, I know these things but so much of life gets in the way and makes me forget. It is time to remember.

One-Horned Liger

As I was preparing for bed last night and after thoughts of “I am in control”, I began to feel that something somewhere was “off”. It was barely perceptible but there. I did not panic, I pushed it aside and fell asleep. I figured whatever it was would come to my attention when it was suppose to. I fell asleep wondering what I would dream about, knowing that while I slept lessons were being learned. I  have been sleeping so deeply for so many weeks now. Surely something is going on!

The one dream I remember is very vivid. I was in my SUV driving along a country road. I was not driving, a male companion was. I was looking out my window as I typically do when riding in a car. As I looked, I saw animals. First, I saw a small group of cow elk grazing along the side of the road. I pointed them out to my companion. Then I saw what appeared to be dead pigs and I also pointed those out saying, “I think I just saw a dead pig!” The last animal I saw was out of place. It looked like a large tiger but it had a single, white, spiral horn coming out of its head. It was sitting down and the horn was as long as half of its body!

I said to my companion, “There is a liger!” We discussed him for a little while. I asked if they were common and he said they were. He told me they ate a certain animal, though I can’t remember its name now. It was an animal that normally lives in Africa, though. I then saw a map in my mind that showed the range of the liger. The areas where ligers could be found were surrounding a small circular area in the middle. I remember feeling worried about encountering one. I was also surprised at how it looked, especially the single, spiral horn on its head. I also remember seeing the familiar orange stripes of the tiger when I first saw it and then it paled to almost a white color the next time I saw it.

Interpretation

Elk – A symbol of strength and endurance. It can also indicate that one needs to spend more time with

friends or eat a healthier diet. In my case it likely is the former.

Pig – Represents dirtiness, greediness, stubbornness and selfishness. Since the pigs I saw were dead, then it likely represents the end to such things. Yay!

Tiger – Since ligers are a mixture of a lion and a tiger, the symbolism would also be. Tigers represent personal power and one’s ability to exert it. Seeing one can symbolize the need to take on more of a leadership role in life. For me, this symbols says, “Take control of your life!”

Lion – The lion represents great strength, courage, aggression and power. It also indicates that the individual will overcome emotional issues they are struggling with. My overall message here is, “Balance”.

Horn – The horn of the unicorn has strong spiritual significance. The horn rises out from between the eyes where the third eye is located. This symbolizes intuition or spiritual sight. It also represents freedom from the ego-driven desire to acquire material wealth and the journey to the higher dimensions of Self.. It can also indicate a transformation from 3rd dimensional consciousness to the 4th and 5th levels.

Overall, the dream is a very promising one. I believe the animals are representative of my transformation. The elk is where I started, the dead pigs are what I learned and the liger is where I am at. I showed fear of the liger but was reassured there were many more (more like me). The impressive horn represents my end goal – to rise to higher states of consciousness and clear myself of that which impedes my progress in this life.

Merging

Now back to where I started out with this blog. How does all of the above tie into this “merging” my guide told me about? Well, from my understanding of the process, my guide, or Higher Self, will slowly become more and more integrated with me. In other words, my knowingness will increase and will be perceived differently. So far I have begun to notice subtle differences in my knowingness and overall they are pretty mind blowing.

Knowing What to Do

One subtle difference I have perceived is that I am getting messages on what to do when I need to do them. For example, I knew/was told it was time to “leave” my current home and move to a new one. The knowingness came with a strong feeling as well. What is mind blowing about this is not that I was told something but that I followed through and did it. When I did it everything moved very fast toward a very positive end result (that is still in process). I normally resist when I get such messages/urges. Why did I listen? Because I have changed.

Control

I am more in control of my emotions and my reactions to life and people. I just am. I don’t know exactly when it happened but this morning it became very real to me.

I was awakened by my husband early and he began telling me of his upset from the night before. I realized that was what I perceived prior to bed and listened to his story. He continued to talk most of the morning but got very irritated at one point and began to try to start a fight. This is unlike him. Usually I would react and fall into the pattern of arguing with him, but this time I felt separate from it; like an observer more than a participant. I was very aware of what was happening and very calm. Because I was like this, the fight never happened. Instead, I felt victorious. I also realized that what I experienced could happen all the time. I am in control.

I am Not My Body

Logically, I understand that I am not my body. But spiritually, at a deeper level, I don’t think it really hit me until this morning after I avoided falling into usual patterns.

In Scientology, the body is a vessel only and the Spirit, or thetan, controls it; is the captain. We, the captain, are not actually inside the body but we surround it. This is hard to digest as we often think of ourselves as inside our bodies. For me, I think of it this way. We surround the body and use the various energy points (chakras) to control it. We also control the mind. Without us, there would be no mind but merely a reactive organism.

Like one learns to drive a car, we have to learn to “drive” the body. But the body is complex. It is reactive. Nature made it that way in order to survive. The body reacts in various ways – fear, anger, sexual desire, jealousy, etc. As the captain, when we encounter these intense emotions they can be overwhelming. When overwhelmed we shrink back; withdraw. That leaves the body to continue on its reactive course while we recover. That is why when we find ourselves overwhelmed with emotion it can sometimes seem unreal or we may have trouble remembering or even understanding what happened “to us”.

The key here is to not pull back our energy. We must stay in control. We must rid the body of its reactiveness so that we do not suffer from it. We must be courageous and balanced. When we are balanced and in control of our emotions, we can see life clearly, make better decisions and stay focused on our goals. Manifestation becomes second nature, because we are ourselves masters of creation. And when the reactive body/mind is not in control, our creative potential shines.

Ultimately, the merging process is that I am growing more aware. Aware of my body. Aware of myself. Aware of the unlimited possibility that exists for me. I am not my body. I am a powerful and learning more about myself and the universe through this very challenging experience called Life.

by

4th Dimensional Consciousness Revisited – February, 2014

As readers of this blog, you already know that recently I have been sensing a change in vibration, an energetic shift of some sort. I have recognized its significance and impact upon myself and my family and have also written that I believe this shift is occurring all over the world and not just in my own life/energy. The feeling is still with me this morning and as I awoke I was confronted with some of my own issues that need addressing. This, in turn, led me to feeling I should review some of my blog entries. I was not looking for any one entry in particular. In fact, I just opened up the page view history and there it was – the blog entry that I needed to read.

4th Dimensional Consciousness Revisited

The entry that explains the vibrational shift in energy that I have been feeling more and more of these last few weeks was written last summer. I wrote about it in a blog about 4th Dimensional Consciousness. The energetic shift that I, personally, am feeling is different than what I assumed it was when I wrote that post back in July 2013. I assumed that I had not made the transition to 4th dimensional consciousness yet; that I was still somewhere between the stage called “waking sleep” and “Enlightenment”. I believe this still to be true because I honestly cannot say that I am able to maintain that state of awareness permanently, but that I am, like many others, being pushed into full realization of a new state of being, one that puts me in present time at all times. How long this transition will last, I don’t know, but according to the illustration there are three states within 4th Dimensional Consciousness – Zensory Experience, Sanctuary and Penetration. I am beginning the first stage of being in the Here-Now, the Zensory Experience.

This is how 4th Dimensional Consciousness is described according to http://www.psychanics.com:

In this state, the person is awake and aware of the Self, of “I,” as a distinct entity separate from mind and all human identities. In this state, the person maintains consciousness of Self at every moment, as well as objective, non-identified, unattached, awareness of hir Experience, both psycanic (identities, thoughts, emotions) and physical. This is the state of the development of a Permanent Center of Self, of “I, which is always present, awake, and aware of Self, no matter the turbulence of the psycanic or the physical universes.

This is a state of no-mind, of out-of-mind, of silent mind. The person is in control of hir attention at all times and consciously directs and holds it where s/he will. The mind is turned off (unless needed for creation or directing action), and the person lives in the direct, pre-mind experience of Life, which is always the Here and Now. The 4th State BEing has “blown hir mind” and now lives “out of hir mind.”

 

The 4th State transcends the fears and resistances to life that are characteristic of the 3rd State. Resistance is the only cause of pain and suffering. The 4th State person does not resist any event in Life, not even hir own death. Thus s/he does not generate the negative emotion = resistances that are the only pain and suffering that exist. S/He flows with life and is attached to no particular outcome, so that whatever happens is an interesting experience: it is the next scene in the movie of hir visit to earth. Thus, a 4th State person transcends suffering and lives in SPace, serenity, harmony, love, and joy.

 Alignment with One’s Purpose

Another aspect of the energetic shift that I mentioned in other blogs is that the increase in one’s vibration leads to a thorough inspection and reflection upon one’s current path in life. As one becomes more aware, he/she recognizes either through intuitive feeling/knowingness or pure knowingness their true purpose/path in their current life as well as their overall path/purpose for their incarnations on Earth. As they recall more and more about themselves they will be forced to confront those things in their life which do not resonate with their path/purpose. Those that are in the beginning stages of this vibrational shift may find themselves experiencing a Dark Night of the Soul. This period is necessary and will help them sort through what IS and what ISN’T part of their life purpose. Those who have already begun the transition into 4th Dimensional Consciousness will be more at ease with the changes that need to be made. Though they may also still struggle somewhat with it, ultimately they will stop fighting their path and embrace it.

I have been witness to this transition in both my life and that of my husband’s. We are both tired of accepting that which does not feel right in our lives. We are recognizing and rejecting those aspects of our lives which do not fit our overall purpose. Slowly, we have made and will make adjustments in our lives accordingly.

Letting Go of Fear

An important part of this transition is not being the effect of our fears. My husband has been very conscious of this. I, on the other hand, am still struggling with fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of not having enough. Fear of loss. Fear of failure. My husband is here to help me overcome those fears for it is much easier to confront them and overcome them with the help of another. From my personal experience, the best way to overcome fear is to confront it. “Why not?” has been how my guides are attempting to help me confront my fears. It does help to question myself when not making the necessary changes in my life. What is life if one is trapped in a corner and not progressing because of their fears?

Think About Your LifePeace Maker

“Think about your life”.

This has been a message given to my by my guides for a very long time – ever since my spiritual awakening in 2003. I now understand even more its significance in my life. Unfortunately, life had to push me into making changes but in the process it has helped me learn how to recognize what IS me versus what ISN’T.

I have finally escaped the negative work situation that I have been a part of for 6 years. I stayed out of fear more than anything but also indecision. The indecision, however, was a direct result of the fear. Once I had clarity and focus I was able to move from indecision into decision and I obtained my new job, one that is more in alignment with my life’s purpose.

Yet still I am being confronted by another aspect of my life and now must sift through the emotions that blur my clarity – the use of my spiritual gifts to help others. I shut down my website. Why did I do that? Out of fear of its impact upon my career goals. I am being urged to reconsider now. My dreams last night revealed my fear to me in full and helped me recognize that if I push away the fear, there is left only my purpose: to help others. So now I am considering relaunching my website.

When my guides ask me “What do you want?” I have always thought about what I want but it is mixed with fear/doubt/uncertainty. They want me to think about what I want without those things. It is simple yet it is difficult. I wish that I were already transitioned into 4th Dimension Consciousness. To be able to be in present time all the time, without fear or worry, without Ego conflict – what a glorious place that would be! Yet I know to gain this ability I must relearn through experience that which I have forgotten/lost.

by

4th Dimensional Consciousness – July, 2013

auraWhen I awoke this morning I immediately was aware of a very, strong male presence to my left and somewhat to the front of me. I got the distinct impression that he was wearing a robe or some similar flowing article of clothing. I also got the impression that he was either carrying something or had a blob on his right side that covered the length of his body. I was comfortable with this male figure, talking with him as I awoke from some crazy strange and vivid dreams. I assume he is a guide.

Before I get to the conversation we had, I want to recount a long list of dreams I had. They are quite vivid and so I want to account as many details as I can before my memory fades. So you all know, this blog is not specifically a “dream blog” by any means, it just so happens that I am feeling drawn to share my dreams for not only myself but also others.

Dr.’s Office

I nearly forgot this dream but it came to me as I tried to make sense of my busy night and the presence of one of my guides as I awakened. In the dream I recall being in a waiting room at a doctor’s office to pick up my grandmother. She had just come out of surgery and so I went with my mother to pick her up. She had surgery on her head and I recall hearing the doctor give my mom instructions on how to handle her. Strangely, the waiting room had some kind of food in it. I am struggling to remember what it was now, but I recall not liking it and trying to throw it away but having a nurse confront me about it. When the nurses brought out my grandmother the instructions were to keep her calm and let her lie flat. I recall that the dream shifted between a doctor’s office for people to one for dogs and seeing a dog in my grandmother’s place more than once. I believe it was my dog who passed last year – Trooper.

As we were transporting my grandmother I recall that her head fell off and was connected by this long, tendon-like pink cord. I remember being shocked and freaking out a bit but no one else reacted, they just put her head back on. It was really kind of gruesome as my grandmother was talking and conscious the whole time her head was disconnected and she didn’t seem to notice that her head wasn’t on her body.

At this point, we had traveled into the city. The city reminded me of an old, ancient city such as one in Europe, similar to London or Paris. The buildings were tall and very close together and everything was quite gray. My mom took my grandmother to meet up with her sisters. My grandmother was much better but I could still see a very obvious bandage on her head. Somehow the conversation got into running a marathon. Apparently my grandmother’s sisters ran marathons and I recall thinking it was absurd. They asked me if I would like to run and I agreed but I only had on my house shoes. The ladies took off and left me behind. I remember trying to keep up with them and going through a maze of city buildings and apartments. At one point I came upon someone’s back yard and there was a tall, three-stories barn-like wooden structure with dogs on all levels. There was also dogs in the yard. A woman came out to guide me through the yard as the dogs might attack. When I got through to the other side I had made it to the end of the run by taking a short cut. I finished before my grandmother’s sister who arrived later, surprised to see me there. I remember saying, “This was not even close to marathon” and remember it was like 28 minutes rather than 26.2miles.

Doctor’s office – could indicate the need for spiritual and emotional healing or could indicate the need to go to a doctor. 

Dog – represents loyalty, intuition, protection and fidelity.

Running alone – determination towards meeting one’s goals.

Something old – the need to replace something old in your life; could also mean there is a need to incorperate something from the past into the present.

Motorcycle Ride

This part of the dream is very odd to me. I recall leaving the old ladies behind and getting in a car that quickly morphed into a motorcycle. At first, the car had me, my mother, my grandmother and my younger sister in it. For some reason my mom couldn’t drive and my grandmother was not able to either. So my sister got behind the wheel but I remember that she was struggling to drive so I pushed her into the back seat and took over. I recall a struggle ensued and having difficulty seeing as I drove through the narrow city streets. The dream consisted mostly of me driving along, stopping at stop lights, struggling to see and moving very fast.

Motorcycle – the desire or need for freedom; desire to escape something.

Old House

I ended up at a large, old two story house. I recall that it was open to the public, as if it was a museum. Inside, there were stairs and lots of rooms. I don’t remember much about this part except looking at a living area and the old, nasty chairs and sofas in the room. I didn’t want to sit in them, but chose to anyway when I saw what appeared to be a screen with pictures on it and music (it was unfamiliar to me the kind of device this was – seemed similar to what I have seen in astral). There was a young girl there and a song was playing. I sat in an old arm chair and sang the song (also unfamiliar to me). The song turned off and the girl looked to find the song and it resumed playing, this time words appeared on a screen and there was a book with moving pages. Again, this seemed more like a memory of some spiritual reality than anything.

Old house – house represents one’s soul; past beliefs and attitudes may be coming up in present situation and one may need to update one’s way of thinking.

Wooden Machine, Old Cathedral and Carved Eggs

 At some point I woke up because of my son’s crying and so when I went back to sleep the dreams were different. I was with a man and he had this odd, wooden machine. I don’t remember what it did but I recall that I was working on it, carving the back of it which looked somewhat like a piece of furniture. My job was to fix it. I remember vaguely a stream and rolling the machine around, but the rest of the dream is lost to me now.

Then I ended up in a large, cathedral, walking amidst the rooms and looking at intricate carvings that we in the wood panels and furniture of the cathedral. I felt out of place as I walked through inspecting the wood, as church services were about to begin. There were two distinct rooms having service and I remember going into both of them and not feeling comfortable there.

At some point I had gathered four wooden eggs. Two looked like normal, chicken eggs; smooth, tan in color and very oblong. The other two were different. One was completely black and shiny smooth. The other was wooden in texture and color with various shades of brown. There was very obviously a world map carved into the shell. I carried the eggs with me very careful not to drop them. I had them with me when I went into the rooms where they were having service. I recall many people questioning me about them. I told them I found the eggs in the church. They always were curious about the black egg. I was very careful with the eggs the whole time and carried them close to me.

At some point I was with a man and still had the eggs, specifically the black egg and the carved egg. He asked me to put them in the microwave to see if they were hollow. I put them in and heard a sound like a hiss coming from them and, scared they would explode, quickly got them out of the microwave. The man said, “They have holes in them” and showed me the holes at the end of the shell, pointing out they were hollow. We inspected the egg with the map the most and he showed me holes at both ends and had me shake it so that I could feel the other “thing” that was inside. We talked about the eggs for a long time. I felt like I was a student and he was a teacher. The image of the map egg is very vivid in my mind. It was very beautifully carved with different depths and colors and I could see the map of the Earth in detail. Africa was very obvious as was Europe. It reminded me of the old, brownish colored maps you see in history books.

Eggs – fertility, growth, creative potential.

Carving wood – creative potential, molding or shaping one’s life. 

Cathetral/Church – seeking spiritual enlightenment; evaluation of one’s life.

Conversation 

 This part is not a dream. I woke up within and from the egg dream talking to the man from the dream. It was in my mind, not audible but more like thoughts. As I became more and more aware I was shaken by something we were talking about concerning the eggs (the dream was semi-lucid and I slowly regained conscious awareness as the conversation continued).

I didn’t open my eyes but thought immediately about the visions I got back in 2003 when I first awakened to my spiritual gifts. The one that popped into my head was of a map of the United States. The map was distorted, the normal borders of the U.S. covered by water, specifically the coastlines and especially the Mississippi River valley extending all the way North to the Great Lakes. I felt a very strong feeling from my guide that what he was telling me was important. I didn’t get a dread feeling like I would normally get. Instead, I was calm and listened.

I saw again the map and also saw the list in my head from yesterday’s dreams and previous visions I have had. Again, I could not make out the names on the list and it flashed only briefly in my mind. I heard, “Stay put”. I recognized this advice to mean to not leave the area I lived in. I also recognized that I would be safe if I stayed. Similarly, when I first saw the map in 2003, I knew if I stayed in Texas that I would be safe. I again recognized the list to be connected to names of people who would die from catastrophic events. This was confirmed by my guide by the feeling that was present. It was a feeling of confirmation and caution. I knew I was being again told to wait, stay put and lie low.

I had the thought that I did not like knowing things were coming. My guide asked, “Why” but I couldn’t put a finger on it. I finally answered that it didn’t make sense to me that people would choose to die, good people would choose to die. Finally, it didn’t make sense to me why I wouldn’t die. I also felt that there would be a lot of confusion, especially for the younger generation. And a lot of anger. I then saw in my mind my heart chakra burning bright green and felt this was not just a visual of me, but that it represented everyone on Earth. The fourth chakra had to do with a shift in consciousness linked to the fourth chakra (I am getting psychic chills as I type this). Some people will not be able to tolerate this shift. Others are already there, waiting for the rest of the world to catch up. This shift will force many into a darkness because they cannot confront themselves or handle the feeling inside them that well up seemingly uncontrollably.

4th Dimensional Consciousness

I just remembered Steven telling me a long time ago when I wrote my book about medical intuition and the aura. He told me that there is a shift to fourth dimensional consciousness occurring. I didn’t understand it. He is telling me now that it is linked to the fourth chakra. This is the mid-point in the human aura. It is the bridge connecting the lower and higher energies of our being.

I was led to search the internet for “fourth dimensional consciousness”. Many, many results came up. It took me a while to pinpoint the right explanation for fourth dimensional consciousness. Steven told me to be careful and not be confused by all the different explanations out there. The states of consciousness he is referring to is directly linked to the chakras.

When I found this site, The 7 States of Consciousness, my heart stopped for a moment and I took a huge, deep breath as I read its content.I knew this was the explanation I needed to find. I had to take a break from typing this blog because I became overwhelmed with emotion. I knew many would struggle with this transition; many ARE struggling with this transition. The internal struggle will be, is, the source of the strange energy right now. This energy will build and I am being warned of it.

Apparently most people are in the 3rd state now – Waking Sleep. The name of the 3rd state is very real to me. I am very obviously in the midst of the transition Steven is speaking about. Resistance to the transition, and most people (including me) will resist, wreaks havoc in life and amidst this people are left wondering, “What is wrong with me?” and are caught up in illusion.

Change

As I continued speaking with my guide, I saw an umbrella go up and rain came down onto it in torrents. I knew this indicated more physical flooding but also indicated emotional turbulence. Then I saw the Earth shaking and knew this indicated earth quakes. I then got the message, “Strange things will happen at your work” followed by “Strange things will happen in the world”.

I asked, “What do you mean by strange” and he said, “Unreal”. I then remembered how I felt when, on April 17th, a fertilizer factory exploded in West, Texas. I was in shock and thinking, “This can’t be happening”. It felt unreal, especially since, only two days before, the Boston Marathon had been bombed.

I got up out of bed feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything. Oddly, I was sort of dizzy and had difficulty walking to the bathroom. When I went down stairs to make breakfast, I again felt dizzy-like. It was not a feeling in my head, though, but in my body, as if I just could not find my balance. As I was typing this blog, I felt it again.

Overall, the message I got was to stay put and wait. That change is about to occur and that I need to be where I am at this time in my life for a reason. This shift to 4th dimensional consciousness is occurring and will be increasing. I am not certain how it will effect me. I don’t feel I will fail in the transition, but perhaps many others will struggle and need my help? I feel I started this transition some time ago and many have not even begun. I especially feel the youth are sensitive and struggling.

by

Tossing Pebbles – October, 2013

white-stones--pebbles_19-131295I never know when I will get a “visit” from one of my guides. It is always nice to have one, but they don’t seem to come when I want them to. Instead, they “pop” in for a visit and then I never know when they will come by next.

When I say visit, I don’t mean via dreams. I pretty much expect my guides to visit my dreams. There really aren’t too many dreams in which I can’t identify one or more of my guides. If the dreams are lucid or turn astral then it is always wonderful to be conscious of their presence. Unfortunately, when I am busy like I have been, consciousness in dreams or astral travel are few and far between, although I do think I am more lucid in my dreams than most people.

The kind of visit I am referring to in this blog is when one or more of my guides is closer energy-wise than normal and make their presence known. This is done when I am fully conscious, not in the dream state or astral. Typically my guides are back from me. It is hard to explain but it is like they are near by but not close enough to grab my attention throughout the day. They stay back at the edge of my consciousness. When they want me to see/hear them, they move closer. It is like they hide in the shadows of my mind and then, suddenly, they come into the light where I can see them.

This morning one of my guides decided to come into the “light” from his usually peripheral position. I do not know his name (couldn’t understand it) but he is the newest of my team of guides. He came not long ago and has been lingering in the background for some time. When he came closer I saw a visual in my mind of an unimposing man sitting on a large boulder near a stream. His energy was very comforting and inviting and I felt at ease when I first saw him. I was not really surprised, which in itself caught me off guard. As he was talking to me, I saw him tossing pebbles at a stream. When I would focus more on him, his attention seemed to be on the stream and not on me, though I knew this was what he wanted me to see and not necessarily true. Though I could see him sitting there on the rock tossing pebbles, I could not see his face clearly. Again, he seemed to want me to focus on his actions more than on his features. I do recall that he was wearing a long, nondescript robe or cloak.

Quiet Conversation and Future Predictions

He began talking to me like an old friend would; as if he had always been there and had known me for a long time. He asked questions and conversed with me this way for some time this morning. I lay in my bed wide awake, but calm, listening and answering his questions and asking questions of my own. It has been so long since I have had a conversation like this with one of my guides. It was nice, but I was cautious. He sensed this and asked me why. I told him because the last time I got use to talking with a guide it led me to almost losing touch with reality. He was amused by this and simply stated, “You have changed”.

Strangely, the entire subject of our conversation centered upon change. Not just my change, but the Earth’s changes. He did not instruct me to share what he told me with others, but I feel it is appropriate because the information is not just for me and it seems selfish to not share it.

One of the first things he said to me was “The poles are shifting”. I understood this to mean the Earth’s poles and he confirmed this to be correct. However, he also said my poles were shifting. I didn’t understand and so questioned him as to what this means. I am aware of the chakras and the energy-systems of the human body and inquired if this is what he meant. He said, “Yes, but it goes deeper than that”. I still did not understand. He said that it meant a change to “the human mind and the heart of man” as if the two, humans and man, were different. This intrigued me but I still didn’t understand what he meant. Poles? Do we have poles? And if we do, where? And what does it mean that they are shifting?? As if to answer my thoughts he continued on about the future of Earth. He told me that the government of the United States would go through some major changes in 10 years, around the year 2022-2023. I immediately thought, “Ah, hind sight is 20-20” and giggled. I am not sure why I laughed but I felt so relaxed with him, like I was in a different state than is my norm. He caught me as I wondered why I was so different, so at ease and feeling good. He asked, “Why are you feeling good?” and I searched for an answer but could not find one. “I don’t know”, I replied. I just felt, good. In reflecting on this now, I am wondering if the way I felt during this conversation is connected with this shift he was mentioning?

He went on to tell me that when I was gone and my children were grown that the Earth would be far less populated then than it is now. I recalled a long time ago hearing about a massive outbreak of a virus that would decimate 100’s of thousands of people in the United States. He nodded in confirmation at my thought but would not say that this was the crisis he was speaking of. I thought on this news and wondered out loud, “Why are you telling me this?” He replied, “Because you need to know”. Then he paused and said, “There are others like you. You are not alone”. This distracted me for a moment. What is he talking about? He did not elaborate, but just left that there for me to chew on. I immediately decided to not accept what he said as I did not want to get caught in the “You are special” trap. I finally replied to him, “I am not special” and he chuckled and replied, “It all comes down to you”. This was a message he gave me not long ago and I considered it again, still not sure what it meant. I left it, as I did not want to fall into an endless circle of questions and odd, unusual and cryptic answers.

I got back to the topic of loss of population on Earth. I asked why, of course, this would happen. He said, “Everything is up to chance”. I disagreed. He sent me a questioning feeling and I said, “Don’t we plan it all this way?” and he said, “Yes, but we can’t know everything. That would defeat the purpose”. But then I suddenly knew we could predict the future very well and he said, “Yes, but it is only a prediction”. I questioned this, seeking more information. He said, “It is all very predictable, but it isn’t. There is chance and their is choice. They are different things”. I suddenly knew he was referring to the Earth and the cycles it goes through. This is what cannot be definitely predicted? He answered my thought, “Oh it is very predictable”. Confused again he went back to my original question about why the population would be decimated. He again said, “It all comes down to you”. I decided that what he had told me meant that although we plan our lives to go a certain way, there is the element of chance involved and we know this when we make our plan. Chance is what keeps us challenged and tests who we are. Without it, what would be the challenge of this game? My disgust at the term “game” brought a comment from him: “Yes, it is a game”. I responded, “Can I just sit it out and watch?” “Yes”. Then I wondered, why do I keep coming back? He was quiet as he knew I already knew the answer. I wanted to know for sure that I would react the way I thought I would. I wanted to test who I was. Each life gave me more certainty and thus each life had more certainty. Interesting.

Again I went back to wondering why there would be so much change during my children’s lives. He reassured me that I would not be alive when the population decrease occurred. I asked how much it would decrease. At first I hear 1 million. This felt off to me and so I asked for a percent of the population that would be gone. He said, “4%”. For the U.S. alone this is over 12.5 million people gone!

I was silent after this, not sure I wanted to know more. He did not respond, just kept tossing pebbles at the stream in my mind. I noted this and said, “You are tossing a pebble”. He said, “Yes”.

12.5 million people is a lot of people and this is just the U.S. For the world, a loss of 4% of the population is over 287 million. That is almost the entire population of the U.S. today. I wonder how many people it will be in the future considering that the number of people will just continue to increase from now until this predicted event will occur?

Strangely, despite the shock of this information, I remembered the dream I had prior to finding out I was pregnant. In it was this old man who was telling me about the future of my grandchildren. The picture he painted was very different from today. The world was peaceful and much more environmentally aware. Transportation was very changed. Though I was not told what it would be like, it felt like the burning of fossil fuels for power would be stopped. The feeling of this future was peaceful and happy. Before that period, however, there was “much conflict”. Would my children be harmed? Why would they want this for themselves? I was a bit horrified, my maternal instinct kicking in. He reminded me quietly, “It is their choice”. True. It is not my plan, but theirs.

Throughout this discussion I was being interrupted by my life. My son was crying, my husband was in and out of bed and all along I was in this state that, though a faded memory, was very familiar. When in this state it is like I am in “tuned in”. Like my ego is asleep and the real me is completely in control. It is a feeling of certainty and control. I like it.

Eventually I got up and went about my day. As I got out of bed, I still saw my guide sitting on a boulder, tossing pebbles. In my mind I think about its significance. Are we all but pebbles being tossed into the stream of life? Or do the pebbles signify something else? Choices? Chance?

The dream symbolism of tossing pebbles is that they represent feelings of being hurt by things that seem insignificant. Pebbles in themselves represent minor difficulties and annoyances in life. So perhaps what my guide was trying to show me was in fact all about change and chance.

by

The Trickster – August, 2011

I started back to work this week and my sleep issues disappeared as suddenly as they appeared. I am sleeping wonderfully. I am also having very vivid dreams.

All week I have had these vivid dreams. They have a common theme: change and handling change. Last night’s dream had a lot of water in it. Whenever I have dreams with a lot of water in them I know emotion is involved.

In my dream last night there was a large pond in my back yard. I remember that the water was receding and then it would surge forward and then recede again. I watched it and even threw a baby toy into it and watched it disappear under the surface. Then the water receded again and I went out to retrieve the toy only to be overcome by the water which forced me to retreat. Strangely enough I was walking on this wooden grid rather than the bottom of a pond and I remember commenting that it was my “bed”. It felt at times that I was becoming lucid in the dream because I would go from a dream-like state into a more awake state, very aware that I was dreaming and laying in bed. Thus, the feeling that I was in my bed rather than in the pond.

Eventually I shifted my attention from the pond in the dream to around me. I remember looking in the distance at the hills and I could see very clearly a cow walking along the hillside. It was as if I were using binoculars or something because I could see the image within a circular frame. The cow symbolizes tranquility and having a passive nature. It can also symbolize maternal instincts. This makes a lot of sense to me since my main focus has been on my children for almost four years. It just so happens that my disconnect from my spiritual gifts also came about at the same time.

Then I noticed to my right what appeared to be a a dog running. But no! It was a coyote with a collar on it!

That was where the dream ended and I woke feeling very distraught about my life, as if I needed to do something but I didn’t know what. The coyote in my dream did not surprise me as I saw one cross the road in front of me a couple of days ago and it did appear to be a domestic dog at first glance. The coyote is the trickster – things aren’t always as they appear to be. I am hoping this is a good thing, though, that I am dreading something that I need not dread. Because the coyote had a collar on it, perhaps he is trying to tell me that the feeling of being domesticated or controlled is deceptive.

I feel like I am going through the past a lot in my dreams; remembering how things use to be and what I did before to make it through. I know I am in a much  better place than I use to be and I am grateful for that. Life is full of abundance for me lately and I am fortunate to have the people in my life to support me that I do. I still feel a strange feeling about the end of this year, though. I am starting to look forward to Christmas.

by

Skunk – June, 2013

gtotem_skunkFor the past week, skunks have been showing. I have not yet seen one, but nonetheless they are around. The first couple of times they were on the T.V. so I didn’t really take notice. Then this morning my mom comes over and says, “You have a BIG skunk coming toward your house!” She then told me where he was. When I looked, I didn’t see him.

Even though skunk has not made his presence known to me directly, I think I should take note of what he has to teach me. The skunk shows us how to be peaceful and when to fight back. Some key words are prudence, protection, confidence, awareness, effectiveness, good judgement, and awareness. The skunk reminds us to be calm and centered in times of stress and anxiety. It also shows us how to use our own better judgement about when to act in defense of ourselves. Finally, the skunk shows reminds us that what we think of ourselves is how other will perceive us and to be wary of how we present ourselves to others.

The skunk as a totem indicates the coming of opportunities which will bring out new respect and self esteem. He indicates lessons associated with increased sensuality physically, sexually, psychically, and spiritually. He reminds us to examine our self-image and that people are going to take notice. You can control how others view you – you are in control of this. This message is a good one for me, so I am grateful to skunk for sharing it with me.

Yesterday I spent the day in a haze. It is hard to describe my emotional state except to say I felt numb – emotionless. So it was no surprise that I broke into tears when I got home after getting some bad news even though the bad news was really trivial.

I have to stop holding in my emotions and putting up the front that I am okay. But I know better than to show the people I work with my emotions. They ask too many questions and I feel weak and exposed. I am told I need to talk to my husband more. I know I do, there just doesn’t seem to be any time to.

My sleep has been fitful to say the least. I wake up several times a night and then go back to sleep. When I wake in the morning after a night like this I feel lethargic and tired. So, last night I took something to help me sleep hoping it would help. It did, but I still woke up twice.

I don’t remember much of my dreams but what I do remember is confusing. In one dream I was visiting a woman’s house. She lived in the country and I remember seeing her home, a white single-wide trailer house, sitting amongst a green field that was fenced off from other parts of the land which was owned by the neighbors. When I got to the house there was a woman, someone I knew in the dream but I have no idea who she was. She had children and I remember seeing a very tall slide set up in the yard for her kids. I remarked that it was too high and was reassured that it was safe. We were talking about various things, most I can’t remember. One thing I remember is that my brother was dead – murdered. I felt like I needed to cover it up for some reason. The rest of the conversations are lost to me. I just remember that at some point, the woman, whose appearance was that of an older woman in her 40s with blonde stringy hair, turned into a man who was making sexual advances toward me. As I was giving into his advances I heard a male voice yell very loudly, “Hey! Stop it!” I woke suddenly and my heart was pounding. I tried to relax but couldn’t. I listened to see if someone in my house needed help, but it was quiet. Then I remembered the name of the lady I was talking to in my dream – Linda. Who is Linda?, I thought. But for some reason I felt I should remember the name. And, Why was someone yelling at me to stop? 


 I fell back to sleep and continued to dream about Linda. In this dream, however, Linda was a computer virus and I remember being frantic on how to rid my computer of this virus. I don’t remember the specifics of the dream, though. I was rudely awakened by my alarm. Again my heart was pounding when I woke up.

Part of me is kicking myself for taking something to help me sleep. I think my dreams would have made more sense if I hadn’t. However, I could not help but wonder, What should I stop? and Who is Linda?  


 I recognized that computers usually signify communication. I also recognized that I felt good this morning. My outlook was – is positive. I also was reminded that when I get good news, or when I am really angry, I tend to reveal too much and blurt out things that I shouldn’t. I was reminded of times that I have done this. So, I concluded that the dream’s message was: Be careful. Think before you speak. I also worried that the computer message was literal – to be careful about what I reveal online. So today I will be monitoring myself more closely and keeping my mouth shut more than usual. This message is very similar to what the skunk totem symbolizes. Hopefully I can avoid whatever pitfall I was being warned about.

by

Turtle – May, 2013

Turtle has visited both my dreams and my waking life in the last 24 hours. I noticed him right away. The first sighting came yesterday on my way home from work. He was so big and stretched out that I thought he was a large lizard. I slowed down and looked closer and saw he was in fact a very large turtle. I immediately thought about how the shell protects the turtle and acts as a portable home. I also recognized that this turtle seemed to be on the move.


 Perhaps the turtle made a bigger impression than I realized because last night I dreamed of turtles. In fact, that part of the dream was probably the most vivid and I remember being curious about them. I thought, Why are there so many turtles? In the dream a lady was releasing the turtles into a lake near a pier and I was standing on the pier looking at them. It was a large turtle and many smaller turtles. I lost count of how many there were but it seemed like it was a mother and her babies. 


 Then this morning on my drive in to work I saw a large turtle in the middle of the road. This one was tucked inside his shell waiting for the cars to pass over him. I could just barely make out his nose poking out. I worried he would be hit and even thought  to stop and pick him up and put him on the other side of the road. But then I realized if he crossed he would be in a field. On the other side of the field was the highway. It seemed like he was heading for his death. 


 It has been a long time since turtle has popped up this often in my life, so I realized I should take note of the message he brings me. Turtle symbolizes endings and new beginnings. Turtle can also mean the completion of one phase that leads into a new cycle of opportunity. This new cycle will be more successful and include recognition. Turtle also can symbolize a willingness to begin a new cycle after the completion of a difficult cycle, a feeling of connection to the universe and one’s mission, travel, or a change in job or residence. Turtle reminds us to be patient, pay attention to the details and recognize that our hard work is about to pay off. It is important that if one has indeed reached the end of a cycle that the cycle is suppose to end and that one should recognize that they are indeed ready for this new cycle to begin. Turtle is slow and takes his time. This slowing down helps one take notice of that which is around them. Those who move fast and are impatient often make hasty decisions that could result in negative outcomes. Turtle reminds us to slow down so as to not miss important opportunities.


As I reflect on the message turtle brings me, I remember Steven telling me “be patient” and “wait”. I get a feeling that the time is not yet to make any decisions. Just this morning I thought I would just resign and not work anymore – I am tired of being concerned about my job and my future career. I just want to take a break. Summer break is fast approaching and I could sell my house and move and leave all this behind me. Then I read about turtle’s message and I think, “Not yet”. It is frustrating. I am not one to slow down and be patient. I want to move on already!


 But I will listen to this message and slow down. I will take notice of what is going on around me, listen to my intuition and trust that the direction my life is going is where I am suppose to be going. It will all work out and it will be what is best for me and those in my life who I love. 

by

Totems: Geckos, Tarantulas and Owls – Oct, 2012

For about a month I have been seeing geckos of all sizes around and in my house. The first sighting came late at night as my family and I drove home in the rain. As we opened our garage door at least a dozen of the tiny lizards scattered up and into the garage. I remember commenting about how many there were. As time passed I began noticing them here and there, mostly hanging around the outside lights of our house looking to catch a meal. One night I almost stepped on a baby one in my house. I quickly tried to catch it but it was fast, hopping (not running) away from me like a flea. It was really hard to catch but I finally got it. Just in time, too because my 20 month old son was trying to step on it (he thought it was a bug). I caught it and cupped it in my hand and peered down at it. It was so tiny and nearly translucent, its tan colored skin so thin and fragile. I let my daughter and son see it and then let it go outside.

I have always thought geckos were beautiful creatures and I remember as a child  finding a dead one behind our piano. I grieved for the little creature. He was nothing but a skeleton but I remember thinking of how he might have looked alive and it saddened me to see him dead.

I found another blog that explains what the gecko totem says here. Gecko is about restoring order and preventing conflict by acting rather than remaining passive. He reminds one to pay attention to their dreams. This is significant to me in that I had decided to stay out of some family drama that has been occurring. This may not be the best course of action, however, because gecko reminds me that if I don’t intervene that the problem will continue and may get worse. Thank you, gecko, for reminding me of that fact.

Two nights ago a tarantula was on my front porch. He was very large and beautiful. I let my daughter come out with me to look at him. She wanted to touch him but we left him alone. Texas tarantulas are passive creatures who don’t bite but they are very sensitive and I didn’t want to stress him out.

According to this site, the tarantula reminds one to remember that the past affects the future. He also reminds us of the power we have to manifest, especially via our written and spoken words. Spiders are always a reminderA tarantula, Aphonopelma sp. Photo by Jackman. of the infinite and the spiritual. I enjoy seeing them in my life and dreams. I am grateful that tarantula came to visit me and my daughter and that we could enjoy his beauty.

By the way, you don’t have to believe in totems in order to receive their messages. I learned of them from a book by Ted Andrews called Animal Speak. If you are interested, I highly recommend the book. He writes that animals, birds, even insects have symbolic significance in our lives and can bring with them a message from our guides. If you notice an animal/bird/insect that is out of place, uncommon or in your path, it is a good idea to see what message it brings as it could help you in life. As you begin paying attention you will find certain animals/birds/insects visit you more frequently than others and you have a significant liking for them as well. These are your totems; your “other” guides.

The owl is one of my main totems, though he hasn’t visited me in a while. He is a very appropriate totem for me as he represents clairvoyance. My first face-to-face encounter with owl was when I was 8yrs old. My father hit one with his car and we all got out to see if he was dead. My dad reached down to pick him up and it clenched his hand, spreading his massive wings and flapping them. He definitely wasn’t dead! It was a Great Horned Owl and he was magnificent. I will never forget that encounter! I also had a familyPhoto: A great horned owl thrashing its wings of Great Horned Owls that often perched on my house when I lived in Montana. They are magnificent creatures!

My most recent encounter with the owl was a couple of years ago. He was sitting in the middle of the road that connects to our driveway. He just sat there and looked at me even though my headlights were shining in his face.

Some people grow very fond of their totem, (like me) collecting objects or figures of them, hanging pictures of them on their walls or researching them. I have a little owl figurine on my bookcase and use to be drawn to my grandmother’s owl pictures and statues as a child.

What is your totem? What message have they brought to you recently?

by

Between Life Memory – August, 2011

I keep being amazed by the things I am remembering. Today I remembered the moments before I entered into this body. I had always remembered seeing Earth and feeling drawn to come down into a body, but I could not remember anything more. Well, I did today.

I remembered walking along a path with a woman who I instantly recognized as “Mom” but not from this life but maybe another one but I cannot place the life at this time. She had shoulder length brown hair that was very smooth and pulled back from around her face. She was smiling and very happy. I can still see her clearly. She was excited and encouraging. The place where we were was very bright and looked like Earth with green grass, trees and blue sky. I could see benches along the path that were bright white and the walkway we were walking on was lined with a similar white stone edging.

The woman walked with me to a domed shaped building. It was not very large and seemed almost out of place as it was just sitting at the end of the path. It was a light gray color, almost reminding me of a space craft. Inside the building it was very dark. I was led to a chair. I sat down and was given something.  It looked like a book, but the pages were not full of words but images that played like a movie. The book-like object showed me images from the life I was about to go into. The images were fast moving; too fast to see specific details, and moved page to page, flipping one over the other. However, I do remember talking to the woman about my older sister, who was already born.

Then the woman turned me in my chair to face a large screen. This was where I was prepared to go into life. I think they erased my memories then but can’t remember, which I think is the point. 🙂 I just remember seeing a black screen that was not flat but more curved around the edges, as if it were going with the contours of the dome we were inside of.

When I was finished “preparing for life” I was swiveled around in my chair yet again. This time I saw an image of Earth below me. At this point I felt nervous as well as excited. I could sense the presence of a man to my left, but I could not see his face. His voice was deep as he said, “It is time”.  I got really nervous when I heard his voice but I felt pulled downward. I also felt needed, as if there were people in life who were calling for me. That is the last thing I remember of life on the Other Side. The next memory is being aware of the inside of my mother’s womb.