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Another Mediumship Request and More Family Drama

Woke up briefly this morning in the midst of talking to a woman in Spirit. She was giving me her info and when I asked why she said, “I wanted to see if you could hear me.” I replied, “Of course I can hear you, I hear so much I don’t want to hear it anymore.”

When I woke I was repeating her birth and death info.

Born: 1922
Died: 2014
Cause of death: Embolism
Name of close relative: Henry 

I woke a bit later with a sense of her name but lost it immediately. It was memory of a feeling and flashes of broken images more than a name, like a it was given to me telepathically or during such a deeply unconscious state that I was unable to retrieve it. This has happened to me many times and can be extremely frustrating but I have learned to just accept it. 

I do not know what she looked like except to get a feeling of her energy. She felt young and vibrant to me but there is a sense that she wore her gray hair pulled back away from her face. Either that or it was cut very short.

More Family Drama

So my sister and her husband (my 1st cousin) are both in jail right now.

My cousin got out of jail for writing fraudulent checks on my birthday. Apparently it was a surprise to my sister who had hooked up with his best friend. She told all of us that this guy was just helping her out because her husband had asked him to “take care of her”. My mom called this man her boyfriend but she told my husband that he was just a friend helping out. 

When her husband got out of jail it was quiet for about a month. Turns out drama was brewing. My sister was sneaking out to be with her new boyfriend and eventually her husband found out. He went to his “friend’s” house and beat the crap out of him. He was arrested for assault and evading arrest on the 7th of September, about a month after he was released pending trial for his other charges.

Fast forward to the 19th. This is the story as I heard it. I cannot be certain of how much truth is contained in it since it is obvious my sister tells each of us a slightly different story. 

My sister told her boyfriend (husband’s best friend) she didn’t want to see him anymore. He got angry and when he went to leave my sister went to get some of her things out of his truck. While she was half inside the truck getting her things he took off. She was hanging out of the open truck until at some point she jumped out of the vehicle while it was still moving. She ended up walking home at 1am (her son is home alone sleeping). 

A patrol car saw her and stopped to see if she needed help. When he found out who she was he told her she had a warrant and he arrested her. She is in jail for a hit-and-run accident from last year sometime where she had a minor accident and then fled the scene. We all knew about this accident because she told all of us that it had been her husband who had the accident and not her. The cops had followed him home and knocked on the door to ask who owned the car and indicated the plates were stolen. She told them it had been her and they didn’t arrest her because she was home alone with their son. She, of course, lied that she was the only parent home because her husband was hiding nearby. She said she lied for her husband but that the charges against her were dropped because he confessed to the hit-and-run while in prison (apparently not). 

When she was arrested she had a medical emergency (high BP) and had to be taken to the ER. She has been struggling with high BP for a while, though. Since she confessed to my husband earlier this summer that she has been occasionally using meth, the likely culprit is her meth use in combination with her heart condition, smoking, drinking and lifestyle choices in general. Her booking photo looks like one from the Faces of Meth campaign. It is obvious she is using more than just occasionally. 

Every time I see her now it seems she has aged another few years. Her eyes get deeper and she has more sores on her face. She also has a wild look in her eyes, but I have become use to that. She has had that look for about eight years. 

Since she had previously jumped bail, she has a $2k bond and they require $400 cash plus something to secure the bond that is worth $2k. No one is volunteering to help because she will most likely jump bail again and we are all in agreement that she is better off in jail right now. In jail she gets food, shelter, and medical care. She is also safer and the longer she is there, the more she can detox. 

Their son, my nephew, is living with my his dad’s ex-wife. She is located very close to the school he attends and his half-brother and sister have been helping him get to and from school. He is happy there with people he is familiar with. I hope he is better off. I do not know much about the ex-wife except that she was pretty quick to anger and enabled my cousin for years before she finally left him. My hope is that she is not treating my nephew harshly, telling him bad things about his parents or making him feel bad in general. My sister says “they all hate me because I cheated” and thinks the ex will tell him nasty things about her. That is probably a good assumption based upon what I’ve heard about his ex. She is a gossip, one of those who loves to chew on negative data and spew it out at opportune times.

My mom and step-father are going to consult with an attorney next week sometime to find out what they need to do to seek custody or guardianship of my nephew. They did not ask that I come nor did they ask for my help. However, my guess is their age will work against them. I have already decided I cannot handle another child but my SIL has indicated she will happily take him in. This is my husband’s brother’s sister. She has no relation to my nephew at all but immediately wanted to take him in. What a big heart. So, if things don’t bode well for my mom and step-father, I can talk to my BIL and SIL. It may or may not end up working out. However, if he is doing well where he is, a judge may not move him, for his own benefit.

What is interesting about all of the above drama that has played out is that earlier this year, the end of May, I had intuition regarding this exact scenario. I told my mom I sensed they would both end up in jail this year and someone would need to take care of their son. It did not leave me with an alarmed feeling, though. It happened, just not in the way I thought. I assumed something would happen with my sister while he her husband still in jail for the check fraud. Considering the dateline, my cousin was in jail when she went into jail, just for assault not check fraud. So I was correct, just not on the specifics. 

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Dream Encounter: Mediumship Request

Good news! My sciatica is not bothering me anymore. In fact, yesterday, after waking up stiff with a little pain in my hip, I went on my morning walk as usual. Afterwards I felt wonderful. No pain or stiffness at all! This lasted throughout the entire day until around 9pm when some pain/stiffness returned. I did do a workout for the lower body but was very careful what exercises I selected. For example, I did one wall sit and it began to aggravate my hip so I stopped. Any exercise where I bend at the waist is a no-go.

The end of the pain brought my spirits up quite a bit. I was laughing and joking around at dinner. Lately, by dinner time, the pain is bothering me enough that I am a bit cranky. 

In researching the stages of sciatica from a herniated disc (which is what I think I have) I learned that the stiffness stage is the last one. So, the end is in sight! I was worried I would have this pain for the rest of my life. It is doable but super annoying and not something I want to live with!

In considering what led me to this pain, I had the incident in June that, at the time, I think aggravated my sacroiliac joint. I was doing cable squats with a light weight and decided to go ATG (ass to ground). Well, I felt an odd sensation in my lower back/sacrum. It was mild and more like something shifted or popped. The rest of my workout went fine but the next two days I suffered from such bad pain in my sacrum that I had to lay on a heating pad to find any relief. 

The pain didn’t last long and then vanished. I returned to my workouts but did mostly body weight and cardio circuits. My research said to lay off the weight bearing exercises, so I did. This strategy worked and I was able to return to weight bearing exercises – perhaps too soon. 

This pain began similarly to before with pain across my sacrum but then moved from right side to left side and then down my leg, etc. It has been around 7 weeks since the initial pain started, which is right around the time my research indicated sciatica pain lasts. I am relieved. I am still going to take it easy, just in case. I don’t want another flare up.

If I go back to when I returned from Costa Rica in 2021 then I can see that I Knew that I needed to slow down in terms of weight bearing activity. I had decided to sell off most of my gym equipment but then changed my mind out of sheer boredom of not having anything to do with the long stretches of time in my daily schedule. I should’ve sold off the squat rack and cable machine like I had planned. I wouldn’t have injured my S5/L1, the area of my back my research indicated I most likely injured. 

I probably won’t sell off the gym equipment anytime soon because I am not motivated to do so at this time. My motivation is just low in general these days.

Dream Encounter: Mediumship Request

I have been sleeping very deeply and having lots of dreams. Most I just toss upon waking rather than try and interpret. There was one last night that caught my attention, though. The dream is hazy except for a few parts where I gained lucidity. 

Lucidity peaked suddenly when I began to experience hypnagogia. My vision filled with an intensely bright, white light. The light strobed from dim to brighter and seemed like it was trying to pull me out-of-body. I recognized the cues despite there being no vibration. At first I was eager to follow the light and then I unexpectedly changed my mind. I remember saying, “No. I don’t want this.” The light stopped and I sensed a presence near me.

The presence I sensed was a woman in spirit requesting that I pass on a message to her sister for her. She had recently passed away and wanted to reassure her sister that she was okay. I think she and her sister were identical twins because I recall her showing me what her sister looked like and then looking to the Spirit and noticing they looked the same. What I saw was a fairly young woman (20s-30s) with blonde hair and somewhat angular features. The woman’s spirit was transparent and very bright white. The light was radiating off of her. She was so bright one might easily misidentify her as an angel, but I didn’t. I knew she was Spirit.

Ultimately, I told the woman in spirit I wasn’t interested. She persisted and I began to feel crowded and pressured. She wouldn’t go away. Eventually I communicated that she needed to go and surrounded myself in protection, asking to be surrounded by my guides and angels. She finally got the message and departed. I woke up briefly thinking it odd and fell back to sleep.

In considering the dream encounter, it is odd to me that I would reject the experience like I did. I am guessing either I sensed something was “off” or I have just completely lost interest in mediumship – or both. 

Spirit can be very persistent to the point of putting uncomfortable feelings and emotions on me in an attempt to get me to pass on messages to their loved ones still in bodies. I’ve had some get extremely pushy like this one. The end result is that I effectively cut them off by blocking them from my energy. It’s one thing to ask for help and another to try and force it. Attempts like that will NOT be tolerated. 

I feel for the woman in Spirit, though. If she is indeed an identical twin, then the bond would be such that the her twin is likely suffering a huge loss, one that potentially could lead to her ending her life prematurely. I hope this isn’t the case. Since I do not know of any twins in my waking life, there is really nothing I can do without the living twin first contacting me. 

Theme: Mating 

I am still enjoying my new 15x macro lens for my Iphone. In a previous post I shared some of my photos. Some were of stink bugs mating. Well, last night I found two moths mating in my pantry. lol Add that to the encounter with the couple having sex in their car (twice) and it seems like mating is a theme, perhaps conveying a message.

The stink bugs could be a message that something “stinks” and often symbolizes protection and seeing what was previously unseen. Moths are symbolic of shadow work, hidden knowledge and transformation. 

The issue with the couple appears to have been handled. I’ve not seen them since the last time so I can only assume the police caught up with them. I am further convinced this is the case because I’ve seen random police SUVs patrolling our neighborhood. 

I’ve not figured out the message of this theme yet. It could be shadow work occurring at unconscious levels. I will leave it at that for now. 

Here’s the moth couple. 😉

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Traumatic Experience

After months (years?) of boring, routine sameness, yesterday was a bit traumatic, at least in the morning.

On my morning walk I went past a car parked on the main road. There was a young man inside sleeping. I almost said something to him because it is illegal in this town but went on my way. On my walk back around to the same location he had a friend with him and they were going at it in the front seat for all to see. They did have a blanket over them but the car’s windows were not tinted. It was disturbing, especially since they were parked across from a park. Again I kept going, shocked and horrified and not knowing what exactly to do. I eventually circled back around (still on my walk), and they were going at it. So, I took a quick video to document what I was seeing, and went home.

I was inside a while contemplating what to do and decided if I went outside and they were still there I would take a photo of the license plate and confront them. They were still there. So, I took a photo of the car’s plate and walked up to the window. This is when I got an eye full. The man was sitting in the passenger’s seat completely exposed. OMG. I had already knocked on the window by that time. The man quickly covered himself. The woman rolled down the window and I asked her to leave, told her what they were doing was illegal and that I had a video and photo of their license plate. She got angry, demanded I give her my photo/video and phone number and told me she could have sex in her car because it was her car, etc. Every time I tried to walk away she would try to keep me at her vehicle with an argument in her favor but I stood my ground and headed home, telling her I would call authorities if she didn’t leave. She told me she would follow me home to get my phone from me (eek!). I walked the opposite way of my home so she wouldn’t learn my address. Eventually, they sped by me and out of the neighborhood. I went home and called the police.

The police came and took my statement about 15 minutes later. The officer was very nice and thanked me for getting the vehicle make/model and tag number. He said he looked it up and it is registered to a woman who they know well. She lives on the other side of town (she told me she was from my neighborhood) and is often seen with the man I saw her with. I described them and he confirmed they were the people associated with the vehicle. He reassured me that I was not in any danger of her coming back. He said she would likely never come back to the neighborhood after being seen, confronted and documented. He told me that next time I need to just call the police straight away and gave me his card. He asked me to email him the photo and video of the incident.

I did feel much better after that but had a short cry, relieved it was over. I suck at confrontation and it took everything in me to walk up to that car and ask them to leave. I had thought of all the ways it could turn out, worried the confrontation could go wrong, and it did, but it could’ve gone far worse. She could’ve jumped out of the car and assaulted me to get my phone. She could have driven around slowly behind me, stalking me in her car to intimidate me. She did none of these things, probably because she knew I had her info and assumed I had already called the cops (I called my husband as I walked away so for all she knew I was reporting the incident to authorities). 

Of course, I went over all the alternate ways I could’ve handled the situation after the fact. It would’ve been far wiser to tell her that I overheard that someone had called the police on her and she needed to leave. I could’ve acted like I was genuinely concerned. However, seeing him exposed like that caught me off-guard and I am not one who can hide my feelings easily. I’m sure disgust and shock was written all over my face. lol

What is funny is that my sciatica pain was nonexistent after the incident. It remained so for a while. Later in the evening I was able to do downward dog and fully extend my left leg without any pain. This confirms that my pain is related to root chakra issues, something I’ve suspected all along. Of course I have pain again this morning but it was still so very nice to be pain-free if even for a moment!

I reported the incident to my HOA Board. The response was that the community was considering starting a neighborhood watch because another resident had been harassed by a homeless person recently and filed a police report. It is probably a good idea. Because of the location of our neighborhood, we get lots of migrants (homeless, hitchhikers, etc) coming through as well as petty theft incidents (ransacking unlocked cars mostly). We’ve had a lot of new people moving in, also. Unfortunately, most are young couples and families who seem completely uninterested in any kind of in-person community involvement or cooperation. They would rather post comments online, send emails and complain from behind a screen in the safety of their homes hoping someone else will fix the problem. 

Unfortunately, the visuals I have of the incident stayed with me until bedtime. I couldn’t get certain images out of my mind. It’s not like I haven’t seen any of it before, so not sure why I keep getting flashes of it. It was like a vivid dream I was trying to remember, except I didn’t really want to remember it! So before bed I asked that the thoughts be taken away, and they did go away and did not infiltrate my dreams.

I will be carrying my pepper spray with me on my morning walks from now on. It is sad, but I feel better knowing I have at least some line of defense should this woman or some other person decide to harass me. I usually carry it with me to protect my dog anyway, ever since he was attacked by an off-leash dog (another traumatic event), but now I will carry on walks without my dog. 

Not long ago I communicated my desire to relocate to my husband and was even searching for a home to purchase a bit further from this metropolitan area. My husband was/is against it, wanting to stay close to his business (we are 6 miles away) and all the conveniences that come with city living. Me, being the hermit that I am, dislike highly populated areas in general, but I have been fine with living here the past 8 years. However, lately, going shopping at all the places I’ve always shopped is unpleasant for me. The places have double the shoppers they use to, even at off-peak hours, and the energy of the places have shifted substantially. The energy is just more frantic and anxious. I just want to get in and out as fast as I can. During my shopping I sometimes have thoughts like, “I hate people”. Mostly I will sing funny songs to myself to distract from the reality of the misery of the experience. Rarely do I run into someone who is not sleepwalking through life. Their empty eyes tell all. 

The last time I felt like this I moved to Montana. LOL  

I want to live somewhere with lots of space around me – natural beauty in my backyard. I prefer a space with a pond or lake nearby. Ideally I own my own pond that I don’t have to share with anyone, but if not then at least where I encounter few to no people. Water seems to be a huge draw for me, but not the ocean. There should be a small town/city nearby, like 5-10 miles away, so if I crave company I can easily access it, somewhere with a population less than 50K. 

As for location specifically, I am fine with staying in Texas. My family is here and it is comfortable for me. But the extreme heat in the summer can get to be too much. While I love the mountains, I absolutely do not want to live somewhere that has consistent snowfall in the winter. A little here and there (like once or twice a season) is about all I can take. Also, I do not like desert landscapes. The area has to have green vegetation. 

So far I am not drawn to any one place over another, which is why I just stay put. Eventually, though, this area will be too repellant for me to stay. This I know.

Update: On my morning walk today the couple was back but parked in another location. This time all I saw was the young man sit up quickly and cover himself with a blanket. I did not see the woman and can only assume she was laying down. When I turned the corner I called the police and they arrived within 15 minutes. I do not know if the police caught them, only that two police cars arrived. My son said he saw a white police car following a silver car and the police car I saw was black. Fingers crossed that the police caught up with them and at least gave them a warning.

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Dream: I’ll Fly Away

The last six weeks have been odd energy-wise and otherwise. Ever since I had Covid mid-July I’ve been dealing with odd, sciatica-like pain that migrates from one location in my hip/leg area to another and a lowered immune system. All last week I struggled to sleep, as did my oldest son, and we both came down with the same thing. So, I am currently getting over a nasty head cold (no not Covid), but at least now I am sleeping!

The major issue has been a pain in the butt (and leg). The pain started out as sacroiliac pain. Then it migrated to my right side and down my leg/ankle which lasted only a few days. Then the pain just went to above my knee. I had a friend do distance healing which got rid of the pain on the right side but then it migrated to the left side!

The pain is not severe, just super annoying. I can do all the things I need/want to do. In the mornings it is practically non-existent but by night time it is at its worst. I would say a 5 out of 10 with 10 being the worst pain ever. Usually I am just more careful with how I get up or sit down as that is the only time it hurts. Once I am in bed, it goes away and by morning it is gone except for a little tightness.

It definitely muscular. Thinking it is a tight piriformis putting pressure on the sciatic nerve. So, I have been doing frequent stretching and yoga.

All this happened right around my birthday. So I guess old age has finally found me. Sigh.

For the past week I’ve been asking for healing before bed. I’ve had some odd dreams, too! In one I was going down straw-like tunnels into rooms below ground. The first couple of tunnels were like water slides without water. I eventually came into a room where there was a birthday party celebration. I was offered hamburgers and hotdogs but I wanted to keep going. I was shown where I would need to go next. It was a similar tube “slide” but it went up for a bit and twisted around back down. I took one look and said, “I’m not doing that. I’ll just stay right here.” A voice said to me as I began to wake up, “All you have to do is let go of control.” I woke up thinking the tubes were the meridians of my energy body. One of them is a hum dinger and very scary! lol

So far, the healing has not been physical.

Below is what I got last night when I asked for healing.

Dream: Stop Running

I was walking and suddenly there appeared next to me a man. He put out his hand and I reached for it. I knew who it was. We walked together holding hands for a short distance and then he let go and began to run. I followed after, yelling at him to stop. I noticed he was struggling to breathe, taking huge gasps of air and losing strength for lack of oxygen. When I caught up to him I pushed on his back as I said, “Stop running and breathe. Take deep breaths, like this…” I demonstrated deep breathing, urging him to breathe with me. 

He lurched upward and took off running again, throwing me off his back. I ran after him, urging him to stop and breathe. He slowed, tired. Eventually he collapsed to the ground. Again I asked him to breathe and demonstrated. He lay there, exhausted, and breathed with me. 

As we breathed together I remember feeling his body relax. I was pressed up against him, hugging him from behind holding his hand. We talked about how he needed to stop running. I remember just laying with him for a long time, breathing in sync. Somehow I ended up under him. I only know this because when I let go of his hand and reached around him to hug him I could feel the sway of his back. I lifted up his shirt and slowly brushed his skin. It was warm and felt very real, not like a dream at all. I could feel him do the same to me. I could feel him breathing with me, relaxing, and could sense his exhaustion.

We lay together like this for a while, talking. I don’t recall what we talked about but I do remember crying.

Our conversation eventually morphed into a dream. One minute I was laying with him, the next I was in a dream about some contest. The winners had been announced with prize money awarded. I only recall that I walked around looking at various people I didn’t know as I talked with him. Then I heard him say, “I could use the money”. It felt like he was financially strapped. I woke up, eyes still wet from tears. 

Dream: I’ll Fly Away

When I woke I was sad. I lingered in bed a while, thinking of how I should’ve or could’ve done things differently but knowing they happened just as they were meant to happen. 

When I returned to sleep I was surrounded by my family. My grandmother (deceased) was there as well as others both living and long dead. I don’t remember what we did, only that, at the end of the dream, I went into my bathroom and began to brush my hair. I remember looking at myself and smiling as I brushed my hair. I looked like I do now but my hair was a bit darker and my face younger. I felt very peaceful.

As I brushed I sang a familiar gospel song: 

Some glad morning when this life is o’er,
I’ll fly away;
To a home on God’s celestial shore,
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).

I’ll fly away, Oh Glory
I’ll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).

I sang the song different than normal, putting my own spin on it. I woke up after I finished singing it, wondering what my grandmother would think of it. 

In a past life, one where I died in 1963, this song was sung to me on my deathbed by my loving family. I flew away from this cold, harsh world, the voices of my loved ones lifting me up to heaven. 

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Nature Zoom

I’ve been busy. Life can be a PITA sometimes. So, rather than dive into the details, I will share some photos taken with my Iphone 12 Mini with a 15x zoom lens. I’ve had the lens only 24 hours and I’m really enjoying getting up close and personal with nature. Hopefully it lifts your spirits as much as it does mine.

I ran across a ton of “stink” bugs on a blooming cactus plant. Turns out they were mating. lol Sharing some of the tamer shots of those “stinkers”. 😉

It seems the theme, for me at least, is to take a closer look at life. There is so much beauty all around if you just take a moment to pause and L.O.O.K.

Here are photos of my beautiful children’s eyes for you to enjoy. Aren’t they just fascinating!!? The first pic is of my daughter’s eye, the second is my oldest son’s, and the last is my youngest son’s.

Did you know this common grass (known as “big bluestem”) has tiny, pink flowers on it? I didn’t until I zoomed in to take a look. It’s actually quite beautiful! The tiny yellow flower is called Neptunia (thanks Iphone for the look up feature). I’ve never seen one in yellow. Usually they are purple blooms.

The fire ants were eating the pulp of a yucca plant bloom.

Edit: Had to add this tiny bloom (below) to the rest because when I looked it up the name was hilarious. It is called Turkey Tangle Frogfruit, Sawtooth Frogfruit or Turkey Tangle. Now those are some funny names for such a teenie, tiny flower. 🙂

Funny plant name: Turkey Tangle Frogfruit LOL

So cheers! Here’s to finding beauty in the most surprising places. May you ever be in a state of wonder at the world around you.

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Emotional Dream: Rebuild

Had healing dreams last night and woke up in tears from one. I’m not really surprised because I asked for healing prior to sleep and also asked what I needed to do.

Dream: Rebuild

I don’t remember many details now except that I was walking down a hallway with someone who was holding my hand. The hallway was brightly lit with a main wall to my right that was so high I could not see the top. The wall had a massive screen upon it that seemed not to have an end to it.

My companion and I were in deep conversation about my experiences with my heart connection. The words we spoke translated into songs in the dream and I could hear the music and the lyrics, though both are lost to memory now. To my right the screen played images and shed a golden light upon us.

The song spoke of how broken I felt inside, of the utter destruction of my heart. The visual of a forest that had been destroyed from above is prominent, the trees nothing but burned stumps of various heights, the ground scorched, the sky grey. Tears streamed down my face as the song and imagery played through my entire Beingness. The desolation within re-experienced yet again, as if to remind me there is no way to hide. 

The song spoke of letters being written. I remember hearing the word “letters” distinctly. The communication between parts, both within and without, was my understanding. I was reminded of the past and all the communication between us. I had saved all the emails only to one day find them all deleted and irretrievable. 

The love I felt returned to me. I remember saying, “I’ve never loved someone like that.” It was so clear, so obvious, so completely correct. At the time it felt like my entire purpose in this human body and lifetime was to experience that love. So when it became clear I was wrong, that everything I felt to be true was false, it decimated my heart.

The song continued and blended into another. The song, “Angel” came to mind in the dream, though the melodies and lyrics did not match. 

I asked a question about what could be done. It was clear from the visual of the destruction that there was no way to recover what had been lost. The answer I had upon waking was “rebuild” or “rebirth”, the two seemed as one word. In other words, I would have to start from scratch.

Considerations

Upon waking I had to wipe the tears from my eyes repeatedly. I couldn’t stop crying and even when I returned to sleep I would awaken from a wet pillow. 

There were other dreams in the night but none so emotional as this one. Since it was at the beginning of the night, by morning the emotion and desolated feeling are now undetectable. 

I vaguely recall talking about the path to rebuilding my shattered heart. It was only through love that it could be healed. Divine Love. The very love that I desire but also fear and dread. 

“Angel“

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh, beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh, and weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

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Healing Heart Bliss

Wonderful sleep last night and heart healing dreams.

Dream: Missing High Heart 

I was in a reclined position. My friend Angela and someone else were hovering over me. Angela was closest and had her hands positioned over my chest. I could see her face distinctly. She was smiling. She gently touched high up on my chest. Where her hands touched my skin it felt almost like two distinct bumps with a deep channel between them. My breasts? I don’t think so. I winced because it was tender. It felt like sore muscles after a workout. She said to me, “You’re missing your High Heart.” Both she and the other individual worked on my heart space. I could feel the energy of the healing. I remember knowing the importance of what they were doing.

Dream: Heart Bliss

Another dream scene came before this one but I will only touch upon it. I was a child in an elementary classroom setting with other children. I remember a man coming to pick me up.

The man drove. I remember looking over at him and knowing him. He had light hair of a dark blonde color. His facial features are lost to me now, but he was familiar and if I saw him again I would recognize him. A deep connection existed between us. It was not a father connection, for I was not a child any longer. It was familial, though. 

We drove along a paved road through a hilly residential area. The area was familiar to me. I had been there before and even now I can recall a past dream of the place. The man spoke to me about land for sale in the area. I saw in my mind a map of all the parcels up for sale. The lots were distinguishable by large, green rectangles outlined in white. Their price tags were high, each in the millions of dollars. 

The man said, “Do you remember when they were $14,000 dollars?” I turned to look at him and nodded yes, I did. In considering his question, I realized then the history between myself and the man. We had known each other for countless human lifetimes but in that moment it felt like I had last seen him just yesterday. My heart began to overflow with love for him. He asked me, “Do you think this (heart bliss, divine love) is less valuable then that (millions of dollars/material gain)?” 

His question seemed to float around in my consciousness as if teasing me to fixate on it. I ignored it momentarily, caught up in the heart bliss. I thought, “THIS is what I want.” Unfortunately, the thought woke me but the heart bliss remained, swirling subtly in my chest. I heard a male voice say, “I love you.” I smiled and lingered in the bliss as long as I could. I didn’t move my physical body because, if I moved, it would “break the spell” and the bliss would evaporate.

I said to the man, whose energy I could still distinctly sense, “I want to feel this way (the bliss) all the time.” He said, “It is yours. It’s always there.” I wondered who the man was. He felt like a guide but then also something else. I didn’t linger on the question, though, and enjoyed the bliss as long as I could.

Considerations

I tried to return to sleep so that I could recaptured the bliss, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I fell into other odd dreams related to current life issues. Not what I had hoped for at all.

I woke up early so I lay in bed thinking of the healing dreams. I think the absence of my High Heart is significant. High Heart = living your personal truth. This is a good article about the High Heart. 

In contemplating the message from that dream, it resonates. I have been wondering about my purpose. I feel pointless with no direction (again). I was also recently sick with Covid when I am usually a very healthy person who rarely, if ever, gets sick. My life has seemed full of discord lately, also. Things are just not lining up like they should; disconnected.

The last dream was wonderful! The heart bliss is beyond beautiful to experience and I miss it very much. There is nothing I want more in this world to feel consistently. Sadly, it is a rare experience.

Then there is the question the man asked me. Basically he is asking me what is worth more to me – money or love? Honestly, in this lifetime, I have chosen money over love but only because the love I have experienced most has not been real love but love of the human kind (distorted). If offered love of the divine kind the choice would be a no brainer. I’d choose love. It felt as if the man were warning me that there will come a time when I will have to choose. Will I choose love and turn my back on “millions”? What would you do? 

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Dream: Pelican Island

The energy lately has been of the healing sort, at least for me. I am having dreams about my heart connection quite frequently. I’ve also been having dreams with my older sister, though those have declined substantially in the past few weeks. I don’t recall many of the specifics of the dreams after they happen. I just wake up with a Knowing of what was being discussed.

The following dream is an exception to this. It is reminiscent of dream meetings I’ve had in the past.

Dream: Pelican Island

I met with a man at a restaurant. For some reason I thought of him as the husband of my best friend from high school but he looked nothing like him. It was clear he was romantically interested in me and we were on a “date”. He was very charming, handsome and familiar. 

Our conversation is a blur to me. I only recall that we chatted a while and I liked him very much. Throughout our time together I was a bit confused and also concerned about him being the husband of my friend. I never mentioned my concerns to him, though my guilt was obvious, and just enjoyed our date. 

Wherever we were was spacious with high ceilings, huge windows and plants of all kinds both indoors and out. I don’t recall a waiter/waitress taking our order or any food or appetizers being served. In fact, there was no food anywhere in the “restaurant”. All we did was talk and eventually we snuggled close and even kissed, though it wasn’t with passion but more the familiar kiss and interactions of a couple that had been together a long time. The intimacy between us was obvious.

I knew he had two children with “my friend” and that they were about the same ages as my two oldest, maybe a little older. We discussed my age for some reason. He was complimenting me about how beautiful I was and commented on how I couldn’t be very old. I told him, “Not true. I’m 43…..oh no, I’m 46.” He laughed and said, “You ARE young. I’m…” I don’t recall his exact age but he was in his 50’s. Again, I felt a bit confused about what was happening. I didn’t quite realize I was dreaming but I knew something was up. I didn’t care, though, because I really liked the man.

His looks are hard to recall but I think he had brown hair, maybe graying or light brown, almost blonde. He reminded me somewhat of my mom’s ex-husband but in all the positive ways. Though I don’t remember our discussion I was able to remember what he told me about himself. He was a successful businessman. I don’t know what business but money was not a problem for him. His personality felt similar to that of a good salesman, there was nothing he felt he couldn’t do or achieve. I knew that he would happily provide me with anything and everything I could ever want and need plus more. He would always put me first. It actually seemed like he was selling himself to me, which in itself is flattering.

As we were preparing to leave he asked me if I wanted to go to Pelican Island with him. He motioned across the room to a counter where they were selling ferry tickets. He said, “We can make the last boat if we hurry. Like, we have 1 minute!” I recall seeing him looking at his watch and I saw what he saw in my mind. The analog clock face showed it was nearing 4:30. I, of course, wanted to go. Everything about him felt exciting and appealing to me and I said yes before I even had time to think about it. 

We ran up to the counter and stopped short of it. We then stood facing away from it and I noticed two children with us. He also mentioned that his wife would be joining us, but she never appeared. Again, I felt extremely guilty and uncomfortable but pushed it from my mind. 

The tickets were purchased but I don’t remember the boat ride to the island. I just remember what the island was like and saw all the pelicans. There were so many that almost all the ground on the island was covered with them!

Considerations

I woke up thinking of how real the dream seemed. It felt like it was a dream visit. But who was this man? Was a he a guide or was he someone who is visiting me ahead of actually meeting me in the physical? Either could be true. There was very muted Kundalini and it was of the kind that was very calming and loving. No intensely passionate or magnetic sensations, which is nice. Whoever he was I very comfortable with and it felt like he was presenting me with an invitation, like a Call. It was such that I couldn’t resist. Everything in me was saying “Yes!”

The Pelican Island destination is odd. Is this symbolic or an actual place, or both?

Symbolism:

“When the Pelican Spirit Animal calls itself to your attention, it’s time to sit up and take notice. A fortuitous opening presents itself. The counsel from Pelican is remaining patient. Don’t dive too quickly or wait too long. You may feel a little insecure about the situation, but you have the chance to apply skills and talents, honing them even further.

The Pelican Spirit Animal is an active team player. It will not allow you to sit on life’s sideline, unmotivated. You need to get out there, among like-minded people and build new friendships. Accept support; give support. The groups you form during your work with Pelican will become some of the most important in your life.

Pelican asks: are you the half-full or half-empty person? What is in your beak, and when do you need to empty it? By letting go, you fill your cup far above the halfway mark with better things. Let nothing weigh you down when you’re reaching for the stars.

Your Pelican Spirit Animal knows you are compassionate. You see needs in people’s lives and respond. But do you respond to your own needs? Have you forgiven yourself from past misdeeds and mistakes? Tackling these two questions is part of Pelican Medicine, and only you have the answers”. Source

There are multiple places with the name Pelican Island. One is close to me, near Galveston, Texas. Another is in Florida and still another on the Missouri River. There is even one in the British Virgin Islands. 

Based upon my dream, the Pelican Island I saw most resembled the wildlife sanctuary in Florida. 

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Full Moon Healing Dreams

Full Night of Tearful Dreams

Last night I had unexpected dreams of my heart connection that resulted in waking multiple times in tears. When I would return to sleep, the dream topic would continue and more tears would result. When I woke I would hear my guidance remind me, “It’s okay to love him.” I’m still uncertain as to why they would choose these words specifically. Do I not feel like it’s okay? Do I feel guilty about it? 

The first dream is the most hazy. In the dream I was living with him in an apartment. It was actually really nice. I was enjoying being there with him, as he was with me. I remember recognizing that I felt no extreme Kundalini energy fluctuations or heart bliss blasts. I felt very level headed and normal with the exception of feeling full of love for him. The love manifested as pure joy/happiness. I remember thinking of him as my best friend and not being distracted by sexual feelings whatsoever. It was a wonderful feeling.

Then we were going our separate ways. I dropped him off at the station (railroad I think but I never saw it). He promised to contact me after he made it to his destination and I remember noting the time difference between where I was and he would be. After four days of nothing, I began to despair. I remember talking to someone, telling them, “I should’ve known better”. There was a Knowing that when we connected in life that it always left me in a similar state of grief and loneliness. The despair I felt every time we parted ways was beyond description and difficult to manage. I remember asking, “Why?” and breaking down in tears. This is when I woke. My heart was aching and when I heard, “It’s okay to love him”, the only thought I had was about the pain I was feeling and how unbearable it was.

There were a few other dreams but the dream of most significance was similar to the above. I had clear memory of spending quite a bit of time with him. The love was there in abundance. The happiness I felt at just being with him was profound. I’ve never felt so happy in this lifetime. I felt complete when with him. There was no sense of lack whatsoever. 

The time we spent together we traveled extensively and loved one another dearly. Again, it was more a sense of us being best friends than anything else. When we met initially we were like long lost friends reunited, sharing our life stories and catching up. I don’t remember much else of this story except returning home and going to bed with wonderful memories of our time together. When I woke I searched for our emails and couldn’t find them. I began to search for other proof of my memories and found nothing. I began to despair, thinking I must be going crazy. No one I knew had any knowledge of him or our time together. I remember wondering, “Was it just a dream? No! It was too real! It wasn’t a dream.” 

The last thing I recall is going through my bags looking for souvenirs I had brought home from our travels together. Unfortunately, there were none. My hopes dashed, I broke down in tears and woke up with a lingering aching in my heart. My biggest upset was that everything I experienced with him wasn’t real after all. It was all just a dream and never happened.

When I awoke for the final time this morning the stark contrast between the joy and happiness I felt in my dreams and the way I feel in currently in life was hard to ignore.

Music Messages

There were songs following me through the night also. The first one was a song I’ve heard many times before as a message about my heart connection – Charlie Puth’s When I See You Again.

Another song that was coming up is called Cola. The part I heard over and over was, “She can’t tell the difference yet.” This seemed to be in line with the dream of not being able to find proof of what I had experienced and feeling crazy and upset about the loss of that reality.

The last song message I received was after the last dream. Beauty and the Beast – “Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme…” I have no idea why that one came to mind but I do think I’ve received it as a song message in the past. It was odd and seemed out of place because of the movie and “the beast” part. Maybe it is a reminder that he and I are old, old friends, meeting “by chance” over and over with similar outcomes from life to life?

There was another dream where I had given up my oldest son for adoption and was upset at seeing him being raised by another. I have no idea why it was stuffed in between the other dreams but it created a similar upset feeling. I remember seeing him as a baby and the love I had for him. To think of losing him created an ache in my chest similar to the ache I feel for the loss of my heart connection.

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Thankful it’s August

I don’t know about you, but July was a difficult month. It started out good (Kundalini dream) but quickly turned sour, at least for me.

On the 4th my husband announced he wanted a divorce. I will spare you the details (and drama) of the whole situation. Let’s just say it’s been stressful. I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions ever since, though the ups and downs have leveled out a bit over time. Currently, we are at a standstill, not progressing much because of logistics and trouble confronting the magnitude of changes that will result if we move forward.

That same week, my new assistant at work began to give indicators that he was not happy. We knew he had a tendency to move from job to job based upon his resume but hired him anyway. He was good at the job but he indicated he was unhappy within his first week. Mostly he complained he was not getting as much money as he wanted and he wanted to work from home. At the last minute he emailed me a resignation letter, giving us just one day notice. Someone had offered him a job at the pay he wanted. So be it. The timing was not the best but really it helped ease some of my stress. I am happier with him gone. The last thing I need is a whiny, indecisive, unhappy assistant.

About the third week of July I came down with what I thought was a head cold. My oldest son had the same symptoms and we spent the first two days feeling similarly – stuffy head, mild congestion, and headache. He complained of his eyes hurting and ended up sleeping quite a bit while I continued about my normal, daily activities, unbothered.

By day three I was concerned because my symptoms weren’t getting better. In fact, I worried I was getting a sinus infection because the pressure in my head was getting worse. Someone at work had Covid previously so I took a home test. Within seconds it showed the result: positive.

July 24, 2022

I was shocked initially and then laughed about it. It seemed fitting for some reason. I didn’t test my son because we both knew he had it, too.

The next few days my headache got progressively worse, specifically behind my eyes. In fact, my eyes hurt so bad that I couldn’t bear to have them open for long. The pain was like someone stabbing me with a knife. Ibuprofen helped ease the pain so I could function but looking at screens of any kind was near torture. For every 30 minutes of screen time (I kept working from home) I had to close my eyes for an hour. Day 5 was the worst of the eye pain. I worried I would have to go to the ER if it got any worse because it felt like my eyes were about to explode out of my head.

Then on day 6 everything went back to very mild symptoms and by day 8 I had no symptoms at all. I did sleep extremely hard the entire time I had symptoms and for a few days after. I would get tired around 8pm and then crash and wake up feeling like I had been drugged. I loved it! Sleep = my favorite part of the day.

So, Covid, for me at least, was horrible eye pain and that is pretty much it. It is like the Universe was saying, “Close your eyes. Go within.” That I did (I had to). I will also say that I felt pretty negative the entire time. It was like a black cloud was hanging over my head. Yucky stuff.

By my birthday I was feeling normal again. That very day, though, I had stabbing pains in my right ankle that would come and go. These were accompanied by odd pains in my leg that would also come and go. The pain in my ankle was far worse than the leg pain which I would describe as extremely mild. After two days of the pain in my ankle I did some foam rolling and deep stretching, focusing on my legs. I’ve not had any ankle pain since but the other pain remains. I suspect it is sciatica or maybe a faulty vein. I’ve had both in the past. I’ve also been dealing with sacrum pain again. Altogether it makes me feel like I’m falling apart. Is this what happens when you are over 45yrs? lol I hope not!

Also on my birthday my mom called telling me she had similar symptoms to my Covid symptoms. She didn’t take a test but was worried she had it. The last time I talked to her she was resting in bed and taking cold meds. I had no contact with her whatsoever, so if she does have Covid it wasn’t me who gave it to her.

I blame all the physical body issues on my stress level. I rarely, if ever, get sick. I’ve gone this entire time without getting Covid (that I know of) and then July happens and I get it. Ha! The pain in my eyes was unexpected. I figured it would be flu-like. Nope. Nothing like the flu. More like a sinus infection from hell without the congestion. I wouldn’t wish eye pain like that on anyone. I suspect my other body issues are inflammation-related and it wouldn’t surprise me if they were brought on by Covid. I’ve read it can impact the nerves.

On a more positive note, last Sunday the Universe gave me a gift. On my morning walk I came upon a beautiful, red-tailed hawk. It was in my neighbor’s yard eating something. I was about 20 feet from it when I saw it and I just stood there watching it for a while. I was able to take a photo of it before it flew away. It was magnificent! For me, the hawk represents the bigger picture and gaining perspective. I think it significant that it was on the ground. It was a reminder to me that all things happen for a reason. I may not see the bigger picture right now, but in time I will.

Juvenile Red-Tailed Hawk, Aug 7, 2022