Self-Created Experience?

The earth-shattering experience I had on October 7th continues to shake me to the core. I am still processing it, trying hard to fill in the huge gaps in my memory and seeking answers from my Team of assistants.

Self-Created Experience

There came a moment yesterday when it occurred to me that perhaps what I experienced was self-created; influenced by my current reading material – The Convoluted Universe by Dolores Cannon.

This conclusion is a normal one in my specific circumstances. What I experienced on the 7th was so unreal to me, so beyond bizarre and so out of my perception’s reach that it is no surprise that it has now receded into the depths of my subconscious to the point that it appears nothing more than a very wildly vivid dream. It is so easy now to just shrug my shoulders and say, “It was just a dream. It was not real”, and move on.

And yet there is a part of me that says, “Well all experience is ‘self-created'”.

On the One Hand…

There is a part of me that believes this is what is happening to me:

The group of Beings who surrounded me the night of the 7th, whom I recall very vividly but only as silhouettes in the dark, is a group of E.T.s (for lack of a better word) who have come to “get me” and move me into whatever my next level is. This is a heightening of consciousness, a Remembering, an “Unfolding” as my Companion calls it.

I am emerging from the chrysalis.

When questioning this group, who appeared to me as 12 and whom I acknowledge as being my Council, I asked where they came from. The response I received was, “Sirius”. When I asked how far away they were, I heard 10 au’s (light years).

These beings appear to me in human form when I see them. They are not “alien” in appearance, at least not so alien that I notice. They often appear very bright and so it is difficult to discern what they look like in detail. If I am allowed to see them close up, they often show me their eyes or just aspects of their face. Usually their eyes are very bright blue.

Prior to the consideration that my Council were in fact Beings from another planet, I just thought of them as “guides” or “Spirit”. Really, even with this new E.T. consideration, it has not changed the way they appear to me or how I react to them when I see/sense them. If anything, I am calmer upon their contact with me than I have ever been.

In considering all the information that has come to me in recent weeks, I have partially come to the conclusion that the human race is heading toward the “End of Days” where a great cataclysm will rocket Earth into a New Age, one in which humanity lives in harmony with her. During the time of the great changes there will some kind of E.T. contact experienced. I do not know if this will be wide-spread, meaning that I don’t know if all will be aware of the “contact” being made. I have personally received many messages now that I will be “called”, that I will see “signs” and that I will be taken Home. The signs have been shown to me ever since my awakening in 2003. They are consistent and the warnings, visions, I receive are increasing in frequency.

How I and others like me will be taken Home is unclear at this time. I recently had a dream in which individual pods were lined up and humans walked into them. From inside these pods a great golden light emerged and the body was broken up into millions upon millions of tiny particles of light which ultimately dispersed. To me, this represents a dissolution of the physical form or perhaps a raising of vibration. It may also be some kind of transport system.

On the Other Hand….

And then I think how preposterous all of this sounds. Aliens and the “End of Days” – all of it sounds like something a crazy person would say. I think of the bearded man walking around holding a sign that says, “The end is near”.

I think of how my whole life I have rejected being here and thus rejected fully immersing myself in this life. I want to escape. I would rather be in my own fantasy world which is much more exciting. There I get to go OOB, I get to talk to “other worldly beings”, I get to see into the future, I get to talk to the deceased, I get to see people’s auras, I get to “know” things other people don’t, I get to have Kundalini experiences… The list goes on.

And I think maybe all of this is happening to me because of this desire to escape. I am creating all of it. Making it up so that I can avoid “reality”.

I just really need to suck it up and deal with life.

Which is it?

Right now I am in the stage of thinking that I need to “suck it up” and stop hiding in my fantasy world. Life is passing me by and I need to live it.

Yet there is and always has been a part of me totally and utterly bored with life, with reality. And I have been down this path before. I have rejected my “fantasy” world and gone back to “the real world” to live life like I was suppose to. I was miserable despite trying very hard to be “normal”. Yes, I had some great experiences and great times, but there was always something missing. I always felt lacking.

Maybe that is just the way it is meant to be for me in the life.

Elohim

Since last night’s kundalini experience I have been feeling odd. The last time I had a jolt of energy like that I spent the entire next day completely unable to get a grip on my thoughts and feeling energetically chaotic to the point that I had to get outside and out of the house all day. I am not experiencing that this time, thankfully, but the entire day I’ve had a pulling feeling in my heart that is not bad but is scaring me. With the feeling comes a message that says things are about to vamp up and I need to get my head out of my (you know) and stop hiding.

I have spent most of the morning trying to avoid confronting the feeling which is connected to last night’s odd resistance to the kundalini energy. But apparently I am not too good at avoiding the unavoidable.

I was suddenly unable to avoid the feeling in my heart and was overpowered by it and at the same time overcome with a wave of calming energy from my left. I heard, “Do not be afraid” from a calm, voice. But, as you might have guessed, just hearing that made me more afraid. I sent my attention in the direction of the voice, hoping for comfort and received yet another calming wave as my heart chakra seemed to triple in size inside my chest. Then I heard, “Elohim” and my stomach dropped about ten feet into the floor. I assumed I had been given a name but hearing it so clearly took me by surprise as did the accompanying feeling of fear. Why am I so afraid?

I have already laid down on the floor about four times so far in hopes of settling my energy. It has helped but as soon as I get up the overpowering sensation in my heart comes back. It is not a bad feeling, though, just scary. What I mean is that it feels exactly like how I feel before getting up in front of an audience to sing, act or present something. It is nerves, plain and simple, and I honestly hate the feeling.

I am hearing more messages but trying not to. I really am not interested in dong this. I stopped it before and I can stop it now, right? Yet what I know and hear says the opposite. The feeling says that more is coming. More experiences like last night. I am heading into new, uncharted territory (for me at least). I hear, “You are ready” and “Let us show you” and am being encouraged to listen to my heart, focus on it and enjoy the feeling rather than fear it.

I am not sure exactly who or what Elohim is. From the brief search I did online (which I promptly stopped because of intense waves of energy and heart chakra activity every time I read something familiar) it appears that Elohim is the name given to the “Gods” by the ancients. They are “the One and the Many”. It also appears that they are “alien” in origin.

I just can’t escape the alien mumbo jumbo can I? No wonder I am so resistant. I really would prefer to stay in my hidey hole please.

Cassiopeia

I was awakened from a particularly odd and intensely vivid experience last night. I was semi-lucid to lucid during the experience, which made it that much more intense, but I do not recall the sensation of leaving the body.

Cassiopeia

When I first became aware of being in this dream experience, I was with a guide who I could not see but could hear clearly. The guide felt male to me and was asking a female who was with me to point out her star in the sky. She pointed upward and the entire scene shifted in a circular motion, as if we were rotated in some way. Above us the entire night sky opened up and a bright star was located, focused upon and then magnified. I got extremely excited at this time but do not recall what we talked about regarding this star. I knew it represented a planet, though, as the image when magnified was of a planet and not a star. I do not remember now what the planet looked like.

The male guide who was with us then asked me, “Where is your star?” I eagerly pointed to the opposite side of the woman’s star. It was low on the horizon and very bright. “There”, I said.

Again, the entire scene around us shifted with us in it. I felt to be in some kind of circular craft or ship but could not identify it as such. However, I could see the massive image of a planet behind me. I assumed it to be Earth as it was full of blues and greens like Earth. It was just behind me in my peripheral vision and I knew then that I was not on this planet but above it actually in the night sky!

I focused on the night sky and saw my star/planet. I was very happy that we were focusing upon it. As I watched, the planet became magnified to the point that I was actually standing on it. The woman who was with me was now gone and it was just me and this being/guide. I say being because at this point he felt foreign to me and very, very intelligent and wise beyond anything I have felt from my other guides.

I found myself standing upon a blue, spongy ground that appeared to be in layers. Looking at it from above, it appeared like feathers layered upon feathers of blue.The blue was vibrant and bold and I thought nothing of it being there. It was as it should be.

I was extremely excited at this point, looking upward at the night sky from my position on the blue spongy ground. I could see platforms of similar blue material above me and asked permission to “fly/jump” up to these platforms. I got the go-ahead to explore from my guide who seemed to enjoy watching my excitement. There was a paternal feeling coming from him and I felt very much like a child embarking on an adventure of learning.

I was hesitant at first about whether I could make it to the first platform. It was oval and loomed about twenty feet above me. I could see other platforms above and to the side. They seemed almost like a staircase leading up. I saw nothing but black void above so it is no surprise that I was intimidated.

I jumped up but failed to make it the first time. I got encouragement form my guide so tried again. This time I made it.

The next thing I knew I was in a city that appeared very modern but it is a city without walls. The rooms and buildings (not sure what to call them) were divided by low walls that were short enough to step over. I went directly to a seat near one of the low dividers and sat down. I remember someone talking to me then, a female who I could not see but who was on the same level as me and was my “friend”. We were talking about eating and I saw spread out next to me food in a display waiting to be eaten. I don’t remember exactly what the food was but in my mind I saw it as “dessert”. I recall taking a bite and being encouraged to eat more by my friend who was thrilled that I was there. I told her, “I am saving it for later” and said something about it being “mine” and always being there and available to me.

My consciousness got the better of me at this point and I pulled myself out of the “dream” and into the “in-between” state. I stayed there in the void for some time talking to the guide who had shown me this mysterious planet of blue. I could see clearly in my mind a vision of the planet I had been hovering over prior to visiting the blue place. I had thought it was Earth but it did not appear as Earth. It was too large and the land masses were not the same. Plus it had odd cloud formations that swirled and had a golden coloring in them. I blinked to get a better look and the image did not falter. I wondered silently, “Where am I?

To my surprise I got a clear answer, “Cassiopeia”. I repeated it, “Cassiopeia” and heard myself corrected with, “CassiopEIa” (emphasis on the long E sound).

I felt true admiration for the name and the planet at this point and kept repeating the name so I would not forget. In the midst of my repeating I heard, “We are here”. This threw me and I began to have my alien considerations and so began to reject that any of the experience was real. I was instantly calmed and remembered then that my origins prior to Earth were likely alien and so relaxed. I did not completely reject the possibility but was not receptive to further communication.

When I opened my eyes I heard a final message, “Expect change”.

Space Traveling

I spent the rest of the morning in dreams that are hard to recall. I do, however, remember flying through space with my guide at one point being taught about different planets. I know I was on the moon of one of them being shown a planet. I wish I could remember more of what I saw and experienced but I must have been too curious and so was only allowed to recall some of it.

1989

Recently the subject of aliens and alien encounters has been coming up quite a bit. Not only have I been spontaneously remembering events in my previous awakening that involved E.T.s but also I have been seeing quite a bit online. Since I really do not know what, if any, significance this has on my spiritual development or even the changes occurring on Earth at this time, I figured a brief review of my own experiences would help me to at least get a grip upon what it may mean for me.

1989

My one and only experience with E.T’s occurred in the summer of 1989. I was 12 years old and spending time with my family in front of the television watching a movie. It was dark outside, approximately 10pm and I had become restless and bored with the movie. I don’t remember what we were watching now, but for some reason I wanted to get out of there so I went outside.

I walked out to the back yard where my Mom’s large pool was lit up and the night was calm. I didn’t hear the familiar sounds of the cicadas or really any loud insect sounds, which was surprising. I took a deep breath of the night air. It felt freeing for some reason to be outside.

It was then that I felt I should look up. When I did I was surprised to see that the sky was blocked by what appeared to be a large, circular object covered with very large, multicolored lights. The object, which could only be a space ship, was hovering just above the trees and over the top of my Mom’s large swimming pool. Of all the colors, I most remember the red light that was right over the top of me. Though my memory is hazy, I do recall how I felt: awe. I was not afraid and did not feel like I should run for my life. I just stared up at this saucer ship, mouth agape and eyes wide, wondering what would happen next. I felt like I was in the middle of a scene from Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

It is then that I lose memory of what happened next. I know I was there much longer than it seemed yet the next thing I remember doing is running into the house to get someone to come outside with me so I could show them what I was seeing. I knew that if no one else saw it, they wouldn’t believe me.

It took forever but finally my Mom came out with me. When we got to the pool the saucer was gone but I could see it off in the distance flying off. It appeared only to be a mass of lights that hovered in mid-air. My Mom saw it and said, “That is probably just one of the military planes from the military base. You know they are always flying over our house”. I said, “No way! There is no sound! Listen!!” And she did listen for a moment and it was dead silent.

At that moment the lights in the distance vanished and I stood there excitedly trying to get my Mom to agree with me. I was only able to get her to agree that something had been there, but not that it was of alien origin.

To this day I cannot fill in the gap in my memory. I honestly don’t know what happened before I ran inside. I do know what I saw, though, and it was not man-made.

constellationThe Pleiades

During my first awakening there was a time when I was visited by an assistant who called himself Amoradon. He spoke to me in great length about the Pleiades and I recall going on OOB excursions with him to places that appeared to not be of this Earth. Unfortunately, I did not write most of these experiences down as this was way before my dream/OBE journal but I do recall visiting a planet in the Pleiades where the land floated like islands in the air and where people projected into physical bodies from their own physical bodies on that planet.

On one such OBE, I recall entering into a floating vessel or building. It was doughnut shaped and made of a material that appeared to be organic and living. The walls breathed as I walked down the corridor and were the color of skin and spongy to the touch. Inside this vessel were many beds where individuals slept. They were attended to by tall beings in white and their place of slumber was separated from other individuals by white linen that hung from the ceiling. I visited a friend there and was told she was projecting to her body on Earth and was “sleeping” so any attempt I made to communicate with her would likely be lost as her main awareness was present with that body. I remember watching holographic images projecting out of her slumbering form and being told that what I was seeing was like a “dream” to her. I remember being a bit overwhelmed by this experience but also excited.

I do not remember the name of the planet I visited but I do remember I was told this place was real and that some individuals on Earth were in fact visiting in the way my friend was. I wondered if I was one of them but I do not remember if I got an answer. However, the place with the floating islands felt very familiar and like home to me and I cannot help but wonder if I am like my friend, projecting from a slumbering body some light years away in another galaxy.

Note: I will say that the holographic images I saw projecting out of my friend were very memorable and I told her about them a couple of days later. She confirmed that she had indeed been wearing the dress I saw her in.

Dreams and Past Lives

Not only have my past experiences with E.T.s and other worlds been resurfacing but I have been having dreams of them as well. Though I do not remember much of my dreams lately, last night’s dream was particularly memorable.

In the dream I was speaking with a woman about the “series” were were actresses in. It was coming to an end and I remarked about her role and how very little lines she had. I asked her why she didn’t interact with me and she told me, “You have bad breath” (lol). I said back to her, “Yeah, I do sometimes but all my friends know to just tell me and I will take care of it”. I was suggesting she get to know me better but she was not interested.

Then we watched a scene of the show as it was played out. The story was this:

Thousands of years ago, an alien race colonized planet Earth. They left behind their hybrids (versions of themselves created by genetic modification of the planet’s hominid species with their own DNA) to colonize the planet and left in search of other promising planets. They had to leave because their civilization had failed (Atlantis) as an earthquake and other natural disasters destroyed the life-sustaining dome that allowed them to prosper and take advantage of Earth’s many natural resources. When their dome cracked, they could not withstand the high nitrogen content of Earth’s atmosphere and had to leave in order to save their population. They fled back to their home planet leaving behind their workers (humans) and some of their overseers (also hybrids who could live in Earth’s atmosphere) with a promise to return.

The scene before us was of present day Earth. The reigning ruler of this particular region was a woman and she was meeting with three individuals who had just arrived from the stars. Thee three individuals stood at least two feet taller than the tallest human and were wearing black and silver square helmets that covered the edges of their faces only revealing their coal black eyes and strange, yellowish skin. They wore flowing, black and silver robes and their hands were gloved.

They came with news: they were the original inhabitants of Earth who had left the colonists hundreds of thousands of years earlier with a promise to return. When they hadn’t returned, all but a few of Earth’s inhabitants remembered their promise and those memories were much changed from the original.

The reigning ruler was meant to welcome these men with open arms and bring them to council where the next step could be determined. Unfortunately, the woman did not do this. Instead, upon greeting the three individuals, she ordered her guards to seize them and held them captive. She did this out of fear of losing her power and out of fear of the unknown.

Watching the scene unfold I said to the woman with me, “She was not suppose to do that! That is wrong!”

The dream ended there but I cannot help but be reminded of a story I was told long ago by Amoradon about where humans came from. It was very much like the story above, that humans were genetic creations that blended the DNA of an alien race with primitive hominids. This other race originally inhabited Earth thousands of years ago and did so during the “evolution” of man. I was told they were in fact the ones responsible for the evolution but had to abandon the planet after a series of natural disasters wiped out their technology which was the only way they were able to adapt to the dramatic climate changes and atmosphere of the time. I was told they visited Earth and continue to but do so in secret, although at first their visits were not a secret at all.

I have also recalled many past lives of living on other planets. In one I was a man who was greedy and made money off the death of hundreds of colonists who I sent to a planet that I knew was about to be engulfed by a dying star. In another I was living in a house that was multiple stories, made mostly of a glass-like material that did not break and was filled with technology I could not have ever imagined or made up.

This information along with all the Pleiades information was too much for me and I asked for the information to stop. Yet I have always wondered, what if it were true? What if?