Tag Archives: awareness

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Halfway Point

I am halfway there. “There” being completely merged with my Higher Self.

How do I know this? This is what my Council tells me. It is with certainty that I know it to be true. There is so much more certainty now and so many changes materializing within me. I feel like a part of me has been freed from confinement. I feel like jumping with joy and yelling “Hallelujah!”

I wish I could accurately describe in words what is happening, what I am experiencing, but the words escape me. It is a feeling that is indescribable yet it feels so familiar, so true. It feels like I am finally becoming Me!

The calm feeling has not left. I don’t know how long it has been but it has been so normal in my daily like that I am wondering if I will ever be the old me again. I literally can see that me going away. She is vanishing. I am experiencing a vanishing of my old self. Right. Now.

I can tell you what I notice that is so different. The following is a list of the changes that are occurring:

  • My mind is quiet.
  • My emotions are stable more than varied.
  • I no longer have pangs of anxiety in my stomach or that “sinking feeling” I use to get with “bad” news.
  • I experience moments in waking life as if I am the observer.
  • I am remembering more of myself (hard to explain).
  • I am getting more “downloads” day and night and and I am noticing when this occurs.
  • I have more space; I feel expansive.
  • I spend more time in the present moment and less in the past or future.

I feel deeply connected to everything. This is the expansiveness, the space, I speak of. This connection seems to enhance my connection to my Council and Higher Self. The “downloads” (don’t know what else to call them) happen infrequently but when they do I find I am overcome with a feeling of being “paused”, like time stops in that moment. Then I “open up” and there is an expansion of awareness, an understanding that cannot be put into words, and I feel a recognition and appreciation for the experience. When it is done, it lasts only perhaps a minute or so, I feel changed though I cannot explain how.

I am told that I will soon become aware of being aware. I am also told to not worry, that this part is “easy” and though I once doubted that it would be, I am starting to think this is probably the easiest I have had it since the kundalini energy first started rising last year.

It is funny, but I am excited, though on the outside you would think I was calm or maybe contented, but definitely not excited. That is probably the most amazing part of this part of the experience for me – the level emotions! The roller coaster seems to have disappeared. But this does not mean I don’t feel, I just choose to feel what I want to feel and back off from what I don’t want to feel. Honestly, I don’t know how I am doing it and when I try to think about how it could be that I am suddenly so different, my thoughts never materialize past a mild curiosity. I note it and then, pleased, go back to silence.

I have so much more silence. I never thought my mind could be so quiet.

This is amazing!

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Awareness Triangle

I have reached a plateau energy-wise. The amazing shot of blissful energy has now pervaded my being and is leveling out. This is my new Normal and I am told now that We will work on adjusting to it and using this New State to make adjustments to living Life.

Dream: Awareness Triangle

I had a very deep, almost dreamless sleep last night. I recall various images of symbols and words connected to Consciousness and Awareness throughout the night. In one image there were two words side by side written in bold letters. One word, Consciousness I think, had a large triangle associated with it. The outlines of this triangle were bold but the triangle was not upright but upside down, the tip pointing down. This triangle then moved from Consciousness to the other word, which I believe was Awareness. This represented to me a transfer of one to the other as the triangle continued to pass from one to the other and more triangles followed.

I believe there is deeper meaning to what I was shown so if you know of this Triangle of Awareness please share it with me.

Dream: Choice and Discipline

In another more normal dream sequence I was at “work” and browsing through a large shelf that contained varying objects – clothes, shampoo, perfume. I perused the items, finding a shampoo. Unfortunately, I left and when I returned someone had taken my chosen shampoo.

While away I was at the buffet picking out my breakfast. What was for breakfast but apple pie! I put some on my plate as a supervisor approached me. He said, “You are a tutor, correct?” I replied, “Yes”. He said, “You don’t need to change into your uniform to day. We will be having a meeting”. I briefly recalled my uniform which resembled a nurses uniform and nodded.

I went into the room where the meeting was to be held but no one was there and it was completely empty. I stood there for a while and a man walked in. He was a tall, blonde, good-looking fellow and his eyes showed great awareness and interest. He spoke in pleasantries and I tried not to look at him too long. I felt he was interested in getting to know me but for some reason I was not interested.

I began to walk away and turned and said, “Nice to meet you…oh, what is your name?”

He replied with a name that I don’t remember now but it started with a “T” like Trevor.

I said back to him, “Hi!” and gave him my name.

Interpretation

I entitled this dream “Choice and Discipline” because it is clear to me that I was being asked to participate in change and that it was always my choice to do so. The specific change, symbolized by the shampoo, is related to clearing out old thoughts and attitudes and replacing them with new ones. This, of course, takes discipline on my part as I will be made aware of the changes that need to be made and will need to be disciplined in taking the appropriate action every time. In doing this, I develop new patterns of thinking and my attitude will change as a result.

I am told that as my awareness increases I will be asked to take on the role(s) I intended for this life. In some cases I am already in these “roles”, as represented by the “tutor” in my dream. However, in other cases I will be asked to take on roles in life that may be difficult for me to accept because they are outside my comfort zone and involve risk which can be quite scary.

Invitation

If you read my recent message from Horace, then all the information presented in this post is related to that message. If you are in a similar position as I am, meaning you are also working on conscious awareness, then you may also find that you experience similar changes to my own. If so, then I welcome you to join me in this journey. It is always easier to experience change in the company of others like yourself.

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Conscious Awareness Upgrade – Message from Horace, Emissary of the Council of Many

Your conscious awareness is being upgraded. You will find yourself more and more Aware of your Self, your Body, and your Thoughts while in this Body. You will see directly how you are a great manifestor of Reality. This is your Goal while here in this Body, in this Lifetime.

You area a great manifestor. Remember that. You Create. You Change. You Destroy. Then you Create again. All this originates with Thought.

You are a Great Manifestor. Remember that.

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Ego Child

This morning my husband told me that he has been having waves of depression hit him out of the blue at odd times of the day. He said he had one hit him in the middle of the night and that the feeling is so horribly heavy that he struggles to not be overcome by it. He then attributed the strange mood swings to his sugar intake. I stopped him there and told him it is unlikely that sugar is the cause of these intense, unusual bouts of unexplainable depression. I asked him if he had considered that it was happening to everyone and widespread all over the world. He said, “You mean it is coming from the 4th dynamic? I hadn’t thought of that.” Then he paused and said, “That makes a lot of sense”. (The 4th dynamic is mankind).

I then explained to him how long I had been perceiving it and how it affects everyone differently. I told him that those who have not taken responsibility for their own life and issues and cleared them out would be struggling with past life and current life issues related to themselves and their family. However, those who have cleared most of that out would then be struggling with issues related to the world and mankind. So, in essence, his depression may be that he is connecting to greater world issues rather than something within himself that needs to be cleared. Though, of course, his own issues are and those of mankind are reciprocal. They are interconnected and so his depression is likely linked to his own issues related to how he is connected and responsible for mankind’s actions.

After our conversation I began to think about my OBE with the man who I identified as my father. As I have digested the experience, I feel that the healing that occurred by my sending love to this man was more directed toward allowing this man to heal and move on. Yes, the healing was also my own but is reciprocal. He heals as much as I heal. I have had this realization before as I recognized that even though one person may feel they have recovered from a damaging relationship, they are not truly free until all participants have also healed and recovered. Since we are all One, we are all connected in every aspect of our spiritual development, positive and negative.

I am certain now that this past father figure of mine has been carrying with him the guilt and pain of his many wrongs in the life we had together. Our relationship was one that started with love and turned into confusion, pain, misunderstanding and misappropriated emotion. The love he had for me contorted and became disfigured until he could not differentiate between right and wrong and so betrayed his own morals and beliefs while alienating and losing a beloved relationship with his daughter. In his subsequent lives he has carried with him the burden from that life. Currently he may not understand why he feels and does certain things. He may be haunted by a guilt he does not understand. He may be fearful of his current relationship with his daughter(s) and not know why. The extent of his pain is not fully known to my conscious Self but I do know there was relief in his eyes and acceptance of my forgiveness of him. Perhaps this will allow him to break free of the constraints of guilt and fear that have overshadowed his present life. Perhaps in his release I will also be released and my distrust of men, father and husband alike, will begin to dissolve, revealing a truth I have yet to see.

From 12 to 10 to 4

Last night as I prepared for bed, I noticed that the room felt very empty. I felt alone. Upon further investigation, I recognized that I had lost the 10 in Spirit who have been hovering around me since a day after I first noticed there were 12. I was back down to my typical “4”, and so it felt to me as if the room had emptied. Thus, I felt strangely “alone”.

With the exit of my council and the return to “normalcy”, I wondered if the man I was going to meet was the father I met in my OBE. It definitely could be that he was. My guide would neither confirm nor deny this and so I let it be. I no longer have the energy to contemplate it. I have accepted that I will just have to “wait and see”.

Perception

I have continued to sleep deeply and last night was no exception. I woke with an odd feeling that all the negative feelings – anxiety, worry, unhappiness – in my life was “someone else’s fault”. The feeling was very wrong to me and I did not like it. There was also an element of “unfairness” that lingered. Why was it that some people always seem happy while I do not? I recognized that a part of me felt that happiness was deserved and so if someone had happiness who did not “deserve” it, then an injustice had been done. The resentment I felt form this caused me to become unhappy, as if trying to compensate for the wrongness of the situation.

I did not contemplate this for long, but attributed it to the odd dreams I had about my family relationships, specifically my relationship with my sister. I now recognize that these dreams are the “work” that I am doing at a higher level and eventually the rewards of that work will trickle down and integrate with my present Earth consciousness. It does me little good at this stage to over analyze my dreams and OBEs. To do so would be like forcing a square peg into a round hole. If I my Earth consciousness cannot yet assimilate such information, what good does it do to try to force it? The end result is more of the same – loss after loss, disappointment after disappointment. I must have faith that the “me” at higher levels is advancing and that when the time is right and my Earth consciousness is prepped, prepared and attuned to the process, everything will settle and integrate. In the end, there will be a wholeness, though it may be barely perceivable at first.

The Ego Child

As I began to understand the integration process, I became completely disinterested in the things which I have been interested in of late. Specifically, sharing my OBEs and considerations with others. I do this for many reasons, one of which is to have my experiences validated by others. Although I do not want to admit, I seek agreement from others that my experiences are “real”. A part of me also wants to brag about them and has a strong desire to be praised by others for my “uniqueness”. I often have struggled with this part of myself. The Ego often wishes to be praised and seeks attention for being unique and “special”. My guide is understanding of this, however, and reminds me that it is “normal” and not to rejectthe feeling but instead accept it, taking care to balance it with understanding, love and patience. He explains to me that the Ego is to be treated like a child. It should be nurtured and loved. It has to learn much like a child does and it is my job (the Higher Self) to teach it by allowing it to stumble and fall as much as is needed in order for it to learn, all along offering support, unconditional love, and encouragement in whatever way is best received by the Ego child.

It is at this juncture that I recognize the purposefulness in my accepting the role of the Ego child via life in a body. It is possible to me now that I am indeed split into different parts, each with varying levels of consciousness. I am choosing now to be the Earth consciousness. I do this via the human body and experience things “anew” with a strong need to individuate myself from the whole. I seek to experience life via my own lens. This lens is colored with experience. All the while, there is a “me” I am not aware of that is watching, teaching and guiding the other “me” along their individual path. I am also aware that there are likely others of “me” as well. It also is very clear to me that this identification with the Earth consciousness via my Ego child in this body is a distinct choice every part of “me” made, as a whole. Once I am done with this human experience I will return and all aspects of “me” will be united as one again. And “we” will likely again choose the human experience as one of the many experiences available and the process will be repeated.

There is then the question of why I gave myself access to “myself” while in this life. I know this is not the first time I have done this, but it seems to me as if I am “cheating”. I am told this was purposeful and the plan is to continue this patterns until the Ego child is fully integrated. Once that occurs, the Earth consciousness via the Ego child will be transformed. It is not clear what comes next, but it is certain it will not be a path like any I have tread before.