Tag Archives: dream analysis

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Struggling Today

Woke this an unsettling realization, but one I’ve had in the past and so am not too surprised is coming back to say taunt me. It is basically that the spiritual path, though one I am and will likely be drawn to my entire life, will not be the career I want it to be. Instead, it will likely be a hobby, side-project – whatever you want to call it – overshadowed by my sense of responsibility to my family and the roles I play within in. This issue was actually brought up to me in an astrological reading last year as one of the obstacles I have created in this life.

Sun and moon both conjunct outer planets. This creates a feeling of being overshadowed by a greater archetype which can eclipse my individual right to pursue my own goals. Particularly with Saturn I can feel that my responsibilities outweigh my right to achieve my own personal well-being, creative self and happiness. With the moon conjunct Neptune, there are always those at a greater need than myself. It would cause me to feel that I need to be there in a compassionate way to serve selflessly rather than realizing my own emotional independence and well-being. It is easy for archetypes that are carried like that to overshadow the self. Challenge for me to disengage myself from my greater mission to serve in order to address my own personal, individual, creative development. The more I have the courage to put my own well-being at the same level as the well-being of others, the more balance will be achieved and then I won’t be defined by the greater mission. I will be defined as a human being who is a living example of those archetypes

The way this realization hit me was strange. I woke from a string of dreams that seemed to have nothing at all to do with the realization.

Dreams

At first I seemed to be visiting the past. I was wearing a cossetted dress and talking to another girl about what a girl could and could not do. I was breaking with what was accepted. I recall hearing a chorus singing, “It is Well With My Soul” and then I was in charge of inoculating (development on mental and spiritual level) the women with a Tetanus booster but the needle to the syringe was retracting and so I was unable to administer any shots. All along there was a string attached to the syringe. The string was covered in very large, black ants (hard work). Somewhere in the dream I also went to visit my father (he died in 1995) but he wasn’t there. Instead there was a 3yr old boy who I spoke to. I asked him if he could write his name (Remembering Self) and he told me, “No, I can’t yet but I’m trying.” In the house where the boy lived there was an attic space (connection to Higher Self) that had been renovated to store my dad’s things. Inside there were mounted animals, specifically I recall a full-body mount of a moose (elders, individual power).

The feeling upon waking was disappointment. My thoughts were centered around all the spiritual projects I have planned or am working on. My oracle deck was one. Last night I had looked online to get ideas and the sheer number of self-published decks amazed me. It became apparent to me that it was very unlikely I would ever make any significant profit form my deck. I was sad to think of all my hard work amounting to nothing. My guidance asked, “But did you enjoy creating it?” I replied that I did. They asked me if I had expected to make money or get recognition. I said I had not. My intention was to enjoy myself and express my creativity. In this I realized the deck had already served its purpose. Yet for some reason I was still very disappointed.

Then my thoughts went to my YouTube videos. Last night I received my very first thumbs down. Normally it would not bother me in the least but for some reason last night it did. I began to try and figure out what I had done wrong but at the same time I was also not at all rattled. Again my thoughts turned to whether I enjoyed making the video and that being all that mattered.

After reviewing all of the above I started thinking about recent requests for mediumship and invitations from others to partner up with them on spiritual projects. I also began think about my “purpose” and how recently I thought I had finally found it because of the pure joy that rose from within me in considering it. Yet what my heart told me about my purpose was not coming into fruition. It has just stagnated and all paths leading to it have appeared to be closed to me. A big “Dead End” sign is all that is there. In fact, everywhere I look I see “DEAD END”.

I started looking for paths that didn’t dead end. The spiritual paths in front of me seem to lead nowhere. There isn’t a dead end but they meander this way and I can’t see where they lead or if it is what I want. The path I thought was my primary one, the one leading to my purpose in this lifetime, appears to be a dead end. It feels that way anyway. I can try and pave a path in that direction but it feels wrong. In fact, every time I think of that path it feels wrong. I get a big “NOT YET”. Why?

The only path that I can conceive of other than the ones above is the same career path I have been on my entire life. Yet there is no spark in my heart for that path. I feel dead even considering traveling it again. Yet when I look down it I can see it leads somewhere and that somewhere is not back to where I am now. The feeling from it is that it is not a dead end. Maybe not, but is it where I want to go? No. But if I don’t travel that path, then I am left just standing here where I currently am looking ahead, waiting for a path to materialize in front of me. That won’t happen, I am sure of it. So maybe I am just not seeing a path? Maybe it is hidden from me?

saturn

Or maybe this dilemma aligns with what I quoted above from my forecast last year? Perhaps I am hung up in an archetype and cannot find within myself the drive to follow my own path because I feel so obligated and responsible for everyone else in my life? It seems that is it and honestly I just don’t have that drive. My family overrides anything I want for myself. It just feels so wrong, like I am betraying them and that feeling is the worst. Every time I consider a scenario where I am happy and doing what makes me happy I feel it is somehow “wrong”. Yet that is what my heart is aching to do and when I close myself off to that I feel absolutely dead inside.

My guidance reminds me to follow my joy – that which brings me excitement and makes me feel alive. They want me to follow it blindly it seems, to trust that the path will lead me to what I seek. I see others doing it, and at times I’ve felt brave and determined to do it. But those times are fleeting and I end up back to where I am now. Waiting. Staring ahead and unable to make a decision that feels right.

I assume that Saturn has something to do with all this inner conflict. I am reminded of the ants in my dream. Ants = work and community/collective. And strangely one of the thoughts that comes to mind is that the new 5D world and relationships center around community. Working together toward a common purpose. Thus all the potential “partnership” opportunities coming up for me lately. There is a hint from my guidance that coming at my problem from the traditional, 3D perspective, will get me nowhere. Coming at it from a 5D perspective is what is advised. Yet what the hell does that even mean?

The response I am getting is a feeling more than an answer in words. I feel very strongly the “community” aspect. 5D asks us to work together. 3D says “I”, 5D says “We”. I am being asked to inspect my life, to align it with 5D, and this is not an easy task because my life was built to align with 3D.

I ask, “How do I do that? What do I do?” The only answer I receive is to follow my joy. Focus on what makes me feel happy and alive and nothing else. From there everything will fall into place. But I want to know “HOW?” I want to see the steps, know the process, but I’m not getting specifics. It is frustrating me. It is like I am being told, “Wear this blindfold and follow the voice of your heart. Don’t worry about where you step. Trust we are guiding you where you are meant to go and that we will not let you fall.” Ha!

It reminds me of an experiment I did with my psychology students way back in 2003. I had them partner up. One wore the blindfold and the other led them around the school by telling them where to go and what to watch out for. They all had a blast and learned a lot about trusting their partner. Or maybe even that game of trust where you fall backwards and trust your partner will catch you. Yeah, I never could do that. lol

Right now I don’t feel I can do this. I think I am just too screwed up, too programmed in 3D. The saying that comes to mind is, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” I hear my guidance say, “Then you get a new dog.” Not even going to try and figure out what they mean by that (eyeroll).

 

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Dream: Burying my Father

I had such a long dream it took up most of the night into the morning at 4am. I would wake up and the dream would just take up where I left off. These kinds of dreams are rare, so I pay attention.

Dream: Burying my Father

The first part of the dream is mostly lost to me now but when I woke I was alarmed. What I do recall of the dream began with me outside of a building. I was pacing the parking lot and when I turned to go in, a man had just come out and locked the door behind him. I told him I was suppose to go in to wait on the arrival of my father’s body and he said he couldn’t let me in. So I wandered into a movie theater to wait out the night. I saw an old classmate sitting in the crowd, joined him briefly saying hello and then walked out the back of the theater. I saw another classmate who had lost of her father not long ago. She and I had been best friends once upon a time. I greeted her, told her my father had just died and that I was going to pick up his body to take home. I don’t recall her response.

Then I was inside the building I had been locked out of and talking to the man who worked there about the arrival of my father’s body. He was coming by plane and I was to accompany the body back home. He was asking me if I wanted to accompany the body, giving me paperwork to fill out and the specifics of the plane arrival and departure. I had to wait some time for the death certificate, though.

When the body arrived it was placed into my car. Strangely it was put in the front passenger seat of a small, red compact car that was mine but I did not recognize. The body was not in a coffin but laying across the front seat. The preparation of the body was strange and I can’t remember the specifics now but my “father” looked like a mummy except he was wrapped in black fabric covered in white specks that resembled stars. His head and arms were free and the rest was tightly bound in the fabric. The doors of the car had been left open so as to keep it cool and decrease the stench of death.

I saw the body and asked the man to put it in the back seat. I wanted to help move the body and he said, “You better not touch it.” Taking his advice, I watched as the man took the body and put it in the trunk.

The next thing I recall is being at my Mom’s house in the driveway. My father’s body was leaning up against the car and I took a good look at him. He was way too young, hair too dark and just didn’t look at all like my dad. His hands were outstretched in a creepy way, too.

Interpretation

When I woke from this dream I felt as if it was a bad omen. When I look at the symbolism, I can understand why I felt this way. Father is symbolic of authority and self-reliance. Mine is dead, so not a good sign. He is also wrapped up in bandages which suggests that I am feeling restricted when it comes to my own authority. I don’t feel in control. The fact that I am retrieving my dead father likely indicates that I am being asked to confront my situation. It is linked to family (my mom’s house) but I try to ignore it and not deal with it (placed in trunk). The thing that concerned me about the dream the most was that my dead “father” resembled very much a man I have seen in my dreams and OBEs.

After this dream I had a message that I almost forgot until now. I was told that I was working on the left side of my body and could feel the entire left side alive with energy. It was a distinct energy that left my right side feeling almost numb in comparison. The message alarmed me because at the time I thought the dream meant I was killing off my masculine side, which is not good since I am seeking balance. I understand now that I was incorrect in that assumption.

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Dream: After the Zombie Apocalypse

There were many, many other dreams after the one above, but this one is the most significant.

I became aware of driving on a highway in the wrong direction. Cars were parked in the right median in a haphazard fashion, leaving the left two lanes open and clear. No one else was driving on the road. Tall pine trees lined the feeder roads and it was eerily silent.

I proceeded with caution until I saw a white truck head toward the exit and then saw a few other cars in the distance. Somehow I knew that it was a good sign that there were others out and about. I took the exit, too, but since I was headed in the wrong direction it was awkward.

I got out of my car and began to walk the empty suburban streets. Someone called out to me from the highway and I got a feeling it was not a positive thing, but then knew I was protected. I kept walking until I got to a house. By then I was with a partner, a man, but I only recall his energy, not his appearance. We went inside and looked around. The family who had lived there was gone and we were talking about what had likely driven them from their home – zombies. But the threat had passed. The zombies eradicated except for only a few. There was relief and a feeling of hope. I remember looking out the window of the house and seeing a few people walking around and even saw a couple of children. It was a good sign that children were out and about.

My partner and I decided we would clean up the house and live there. Start anew. We investigated further into the home and saw that children were in a room with a man who seemed to be teaching them. They were behind a two-way mirror. My partner said there must be hidden rooms in the house and we should explore more. So we did. I found a small nurse’s office in the back complete with exam table and supplies. There was discussion about the women who had practiced there and whether she was qualified.

Eventually we determined she had been and we moved on. We found a hot tub inside a tiny room. In fact, the entire room was the tub – walls rising up from the edges of it. My partner and I went inside with another couple and soaked in the tub together. It was only then that I saw who I was with. He was familiar to me and I actually saw him in other dreams throughout the same night as this one. I have also seen him in dreams previous to this one. He appears young, perhaps late 20’s, early 30’s. He has dark blonde hair, a bit lighter than my natural color, and blue eyes.

Interpretation

When I woke from this dream I was upset at seeing the blonde man because I had seen him before and was thinking he was there for a reason, like he and I would meet in person in this life. Then I began to focus on the dream’s meaning and feeling to me. My past dreams about zombies have not been good. The zombies are always everywhere and threatening. This time there wasn’t even one to be seen and I had hope. I am being encouraged to heal (nurse’s office and hot tub).

Despite the positive message of this dream I woke up feeling defeated and discouraged.

 

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Change Can Be Amazing

Lots going on. Energetically. Spiritually. Emotionally.

I was so tired yesterday afternoon I took a nap when my youngest took a nap. I rarely ever take naps. I don’t know where I went while I slept. It was like I sunk into the abyss. When I woke it felt like I had been drifting at sea, swaying to the point that I could physically feel myself rocking back and forth. When I checked online I saw that while I slept there had been an earthquake off the coast of Japan. This struck me as significant. There must be a massive coronal hole stream, I thought.

Despite getting a good nap in, I still slept deeply last night and, as has been normal for me of late, I had tons of vivid dreams. Rather than go into each one, I will just summarize their messages as I am tiring of the dream drama, though yesterday’s accounts were quite humorous.

Finalization

When I awoke sometime in the middle of the night and again this morning I knew a decision was being finalized. The last remnants of indecision are being cleared away. There is inspection of the past, of decisions made or not made, of directions taken. Relationship dynamics are being analyzed.

I spent quite a bit of time in a clear blue swimming pool with my family. I also was inspecting a house that could have been built but never was while also reflecting on the house that was built, its floors uneven and unstable. I spoke to a couple – a potential future version of myself and marriage – comparing their house to ours. Theirs had a family room, ours did not.

Balance

I am heading toward balance. Balance between masculine and feminine. Wholeness. This came through as preparation for a wedding ceremony. My clothing was the focus, specifically my shoes. I had on tan work boots at first and was laughing at how big they were on my feet. I knew they were the shoes of my other half, though, which is why I was laughing. He works hard and provides me with protection. I chose to take them off and selected a pair of black, dress boots – feminine but also masculine. I had on a white, lace skirt with a black blouse. Yin-Yang.

It’s Time

My guidance was quite insistent, coming through my dreams so intensely that it transferred into the physical, waking me up alarmed. This time it was not a pleasant experience. One of my guides wanted me to pay attention and so did what he does best and used pain to snap me out of sleep (sleep here being both the real deal and unawareness).

The dream here occurred in a parking lot at night. I headed to my parked car through a dimly lit section of the lot, keys in hand. As I walked a Hispanic man wearing ghetto clothing came up to me saying, “What are you doing out here alone? You need some help?” But his voice and mannerisms suggested he was not there to help. He came close and I pushed him away, turning and calling to my friends for help. My call sent the man away with a smirk on his face. I picked up my pace.

When I got to my car, the key would not work properly. It kept slipping and the entire outside of the end of it fell off. A fair haired man approached. I knew him as a friend. He came up behind me, though, and grabbed me firmly saying very loudly, “It’s time.” The message here was that it was time to pay attention to his wants/desires; for us to be together. I rejected this and pushed back but he was too strong and grabbed me around my waist, forcing me up against the car. He then stuck his finger between my ribs, pushing in so hard that I cringed in pain.

I woke up and could still feel his finger jabbed between my ribs. It did not let up for some time. I could hear him repeating, “It’s time.”

Anger Toward Men

Both yesterday after my nap and once I awoke this morning I experienced a surge of anger toward the men in my life. It came all at once and the feeling is to push them away and stand alone. Thoughts that go with these feelings are, “I don’t need anyone” and “Men suck.” lol I feel extremely aggressive; ready for battle. There is also a feeling of anger toward myself for allowing myself to be manipulated and controlled by men in general along with a rejection of any attractions I have felt/feel toward the opposite sex.

Almost Done

The water element repeated last night. Water = Emotion. For a fire sign like me, water/emotion can be confusing when in copious amounts as it has been. I like to be in control of my emotions. Lately I’m not. I was shown water and then I saw very clearly, “20%” written as if on a blank screen. The message was received as, “20% left.” So, almost done. I can’t wait.

Change Can be Amazing

Sometime in the morning I had phrases from songs come into to my mind. The main one was,”In weakness or in strength, change can be amazing.” It comes from the song below. Note: When I hear these phrases it does not necessarily mean the entire song is the message. Usually it is just the single phrase I am given that is the message. The entire message of this song is a good one, though.

 

 

 

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Dream Marathon Continues

The dream marathon continues as does the surging emotions.

Dream: Through the Mountains

I was traveling with my husband and family through the mountains. These mountains resembled the ones from a distant foreign land. I have no idea where, though. There were sparse trees and the trees that were there were shrubby. I’m not sure there was grass. All I recall is a tan color so it could have been sand or dirt.

As we traveled my husband stopped to interact with some birds. He held one up and talked to it. It talked back. I assumed it was a parrot of some sort. I was in a hurry to continue on so told him I was leaving and walked on without him for a short distance.

Somehow my family got ahead of me. They had entered a building, like a visitor center and were listening to a woman talk about the place. As I rushed to rejoin my family a woman stopped me and asked, “Don’t you want to take your picture with a star?” I turned to her and quickly answered, “No thank you.” In my mind I saw a bluish colored nebula and remember thinking it odd that I could take a picture with it.

I finally caught up with them and sat down. They had just finished listening to a lecture and were eating. I began to eat a huge brownie and handed it over to someone. I remember them saying, “Wow, you almost ate the whole thing! It’s huge and it was $7.” She seemed to think the cost was too much. I didn’t care.

Dream: Gas Station Stopover 

I was at a gas station with a man (guide?). I saw a man wearing only green, plaid boxer shorts walking past. He was talking to his friends and I saw something come out of his rear. When I realized what it was I was grossed out. At the same time he began to urinate. He seemed not to care and laughed. I commented to my friend about it saying, “How can someone do both at the same time and out in public like that?”

My attention was then drawn to a very muscular man standing nearby. He wore no shirt and was very attractive. I mentioned that he must work hard to look like that. Someone said, “Yeah, but look, he is flawed.” I then saw that he had a huge scar on his back that ran from his waist up to his opposite shoulder. It reminded me of a battle scar.

Another man walked past doing what the first man was. He just allowed the feces and urine to overflow and fall on the ground at his feet as he walked. Again I was disgusted.

Then I was sitting inside the car in the driver’s seat waiting for the tank to fill. A blonde woman in a black car pulled up and then backed up to touch my car. My experience of this was that her car somehow pushed into my car, the two cars merging, and left me only a couple of feet of leg room. My lower body was nearly pinned under the steering wheel. A part of me disengaged and confronted the woman who seemed overly rude and selfish to me. I found her in her own car hiding under the dash below the steering wheel. I asked her, “What are you doing down there?” She didn’t answer but looked frightened and confused. I then told her, “You are squishing me! If you keep doing that you are going to kill me!” Then I burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably.

I woke up in tears and it took me a few minutes to recover.

Dream: Preparing for a Concert

I was going to a concert with my mom, brother and sister. We were parked on the side of the road to pick up my brother. I was in the front passenger’s seat and knew I needed to adjust the seat so he could sit in the back. When he arrived he got into the back seat but then I remembered I had my youngest with me. That is when I saw he was walking into the ditch wearing only a diaper. I yelled at my Mom saying, “Why isn’t anyone watching him!” I became worried because he was crawling into the ditch and then into the drainage pipe to play in the water. I worried we would not be able to retrieve him. That’s when I said to my mom,”Do you want me to stay home and watch him so you all can go to the concert?” The feeling here was that I did this often in real life so that others could enjoy things.

Interpretations

In the first dream I believe I was confronting the obstacles (mountain) in my life, specifically my marriage. He is playing with a parrot, which can symbolize someone who is mocking me or being repetitive. Since I declined taking a photo, I was refusing to look closely at myself and situation. Since it was with a star it seems to symbolize belief in fate/luck or could be asking me to look at my origins (blue nebula). The brownie is self-indulgence or belief that I deserve a reward. It comes at a cost, though: $7.

The gas station dream seems to be all about needing to reenergize and revitalize myself. I need to take time out to refuel because I am running low on energy/motivation/life. The feces and urine indicate a need to purge myself of negativity and negative influences in my life. There is a rejection of certain feelings. These things need to be acknowledged and expressed even if they are disgusting to me. The muscular man symbolizes a desire to have strength and power. But he is scarred. The scar represents deep seated issues that have never entirely healed associated with my own personal power. He could also be the masculine side of me. The blonde woman is another aspect of myself. She is selfish and careless and causes me harm. Our paths are merging (the two merging cars) but I feel that she is killing me and it causes me great upset. The lower half of my body which is pinned is connected to the lower chakras.

In the last dream we are heading to a concert. This represents a desire for harmony and cooperation. Since it is my mom, brother and sister, there may be a desire for me to have harmony with them specifically. I am concerned about my relationship with them. The car is also representative of that specific path, which is why my mom is driving and not me. My son could represent my consideration that I feel new to this situation somehow, or inexperienced in some way. I choose to stay home and care for him rather than go to the concert. This seems to signal a release of responsibility to this part of my life but could also be showing me a pattern in my own life where I choose to forgo something for the betterment of the group.

 

 

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Dreams this Week

Some dreams from earlier in the week. I have been inundated with vivid dreams that invoke strong emotions. In these I was upset or angered by the dreams.

Dream: Many Faced Man

I entered into a house on a hill. It was big with lots of space. In the center of the room was a long, rectangular, white table. There were people I knew gathered around it. Someone then collapsed onto the floor. The person was left there until morning. By morning the body had begun to decay and it smelled awful. There were flies everywhere. The feeling was of disgust.

Then I was with a man I knew. He was very interested in me and kept me close. The strange thing was that the feeling from him was indecisive. This showed in the dream as his face shifting. It was like he had ten or more faces in one face and he would show me one of those faces and then another based upon what he wanted. I rejected this and was not interested in being played this way. The rest of the group was encouraging us as a couple and I became restless, wanting away from them and especially the man. He was very happy and loud and talking to me quite a bit. All I recall now is that the feelings he sent me were too confusing. One minute I thought he was one way and then he would shift to being another way. I didn’t like it.

Dream: Healing Lodge

The next thing I knew I was in a car with my friend Sophia driving. I was still upset by the man, feeling manipulated by him and not wanting that to continue. I didn’t know what to do about it. The discussion here was that I needed rest and healing and Sophia said, “Why don’t you let me drive you to the lodge?” I remember accepting this and going along but still felt unsettled.

We got to the lodge which was on a mountaintop. Inside, Sophia took me to the restroom. She entered into the middle stall and began to change her clothes. I went into the first stall and just sat there staring at the closed door. Then I saw my friend Eric come in. He said, “Welcome Dayna! So good to see you here!” He then entered the third stall. I just continued to sit and stare at the stall door feeling absolutely nothing.

Dream: Full House

In another dream I was partially lucid and in my grandparents old home. In the living area there was a sofa that was old and tattered. I was to stay the night there but the floors were grotesque. They were covered in dirty spots and smelled like urine. I sat on the sofa and it was just as dirty and I tried to curl up and sleep but the smell of urine was too strong. There was a show on the TV. I remember only that it was the show Full House.

In-Between

Then I shifted into the in-between. There I saw three brand new tablet computers on the floor. One was at my feet as if given to me specifically. I looked down at it and heard/felt it to mean, “Communicate”. I was not interested in listening to this suggestion.

Symbols/Interpretation

Corpse – An aspect of Self which has died; a feeling of deadness inside.
Flies – Filth, dirtiness or the breakdown of a plan of action.
Face (shifting) – A person in your life is untrustworthy.
Lodge – Feeling stuck in life; not knowing what to do.
Bathroom – Need to relieve one’s self of a burden; need for healing/purification.
Urine – Unwilling to confront certain emotions; having a pissy attitude (lol)
Carpet/Flooring – Foundations; since these are stained and ugly indicates unwillingness to confront an issue.

 

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Discouraging Dreams

It was a rough night for me.

Dream: Harvesting the Field

I was with another person walking alongside a field of grass that had been cut low. They were talking about the harvest and how a new crop of shrimp had just come in. I looked and sure enough there were very tiny shrimp laying in a grid pattern all across the field. The shrimp looked as if it had already been cooked. Tiny, popcorn shrimp. I was shocked and asked where the shrimp had come from. I was told it had popped up through the surface, as if the field was really an ocean.

I wandered into the field. The ground was firm, so no ocean underneath. Still a bit confused, I walked the rows of shrimp. They soon turned into other things and I stopped and looked at my feet noticing the shrimp had morphed into something else. Looking closely, I saw what resembled an eel and I mentioned this to my friend. I bent down and touched it. It was slimy but firm, similar to a slug and resembling a slug. Yet I continued to think of it as an eel. It was dark colored and I could not distinguish the head from the tail. My friend was very encouraged by this development.

The garden soon turned into a store with isles of miscellaneous items. I walked the isles and saw that most of the items were partially used or damaged. I was told I could take whatever I wanted so I investigated, looking for anything I might want. The isle I found myself on had oral hygiene items like toothpaste and mouthwash. I picked up some Listerine that was half full and then grabbed another bottle of a different kind of mouthwash and combined the two to make it a full bottle.

I ran into a friend I use to go to high school with and we talked for some time about her marriage to one of our classmates. They had married right out of high school and started a family only to separate sometime later. I listened as she told me her story and was surprised to hear their marriage had failed.

eel-1Dream: 3 Years

Still inside the store, I wandered down an isle and ran into a couple who wanted to talk to me. They were standing next to a bicycle. They wanted to talk to me about a relationship issue and potential outcomes. The news was not good, at least I didn’t take it as good. There was an entire recalling of a past relationship I had with a man soon after my spiritual awakening. I had struggled with our separation and the topic of discussion centered on how I handled that particular difficulty. I re-experienced that period in my life and got very upset at the prospects of something like that happening again because I had been miserable for several months. Never before nor since has a breakup resulted in that much agony for me.

There was mention of what I would do if this particular person came back into my life. I recall seeing him years later and much older and discussing how very unlikely it would be that I would ever hear from him again. There was a phone in this discussion and I remember not knowing how he would even know my number. I had memory of how nasty I had been to him the last time we talked and knew I would not welcome communication from him. The purpose of all of this was to help me recognize my tendency to get angry and cut off communication when I am hurt. But it was also to show me how resilient I am because I had thought that breakup would surely kill me, but it didn’t. I survived. Though I may see anger as a negative emotion, it actually gave me the strength to get past the impasse I faced at that particular time in my life.

I found myself standing there with the couple feeling extremely dissuaded, though from what course of action I am not sure. I looked at the bicycle and noticed it had turned to ash. It was still standing but had I touched it, it would have disintegrated before my eyes.

The discussion continued and I was told to expect my current situation to continue for sometime. I got 3 years as the very longest period it could span. This caused me much upset. I felt as if all of the life had drained out of me. Three years seemed an eternity to me.

I woke up feeling discouraged and apathetic with tears in my eyes. I found it difficult to shake the apathetic feeling I had. I remember thinking, “This is surely going to kill me.” My guidance said to me,”What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” To make it clear, I repeated to him, “This is going to kill me. I won’t make it. This is too much.”

It has taken me some time to get past the feeling I woke with. I am not feeling especially encouraged about moving forward with life right now. Whatever the dream discussion brought up has me feeling completely hopeless.

Symbolism

First dream: 

Field – going through a period of personal growth
Shrimp – feeling overpowered and/or insignificant
Slug – progressing through life very slowly, almost painfully slow
Eel – trouble with commitment; one who escapes responsibility or culpability
Store – emotionally/physically drained, searching for solutions
Mouthwash – think before you speak (totally my problem all.the.time)

Considerations about this dream: I am being asked to step up and take responsibility for my life/choices. Avoiding things will not help but only lead to more of the same. Need to confront issues head on and stop pushing off making a decision. I need to be careful of what I say so as to not end up regretting it.

Second dream:

Store – still searching for solutions
Bicycle – need to devote more time to myself; more leisurely pursuits needed
Ash – feeling the good times are over and nothing of value is left in my life; can also represent the end of a relationship, the dashing of all hopes, bitter change and life disruption.

Considerations about this dream: When I woke up I was in agony over the prospect of never feeling Alive again. I felt as if my heart had been torn from my chest and stomped upon. I felt alone and isolated from my soul family. I felt cheated. The feeling of loss was such that I did not feel I would recover from it. Thus, my statement about it killing me. It did not help that I had spent much of this dream discussing a past relationship breakup that had been devastating to me. The idea was that whatever I am going through/will continue to go through, will be much more devastating and last much longer than the past one. It is not easy to swallow such news.

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OBE: World Summit

When I woke this morning at 6:30am I was talking with one of my guides. We were having a conversation about what is coming. Though I don’t recall the entire conversation or the exact subject, I can remember enough to know that it was a continuation of the extensive exploration of a certain topic the night before. I remember saying, “I don’t want to focus on the physical.” With this was a thought about how when life gets busy, my spiritual experiences (OBE’s, in-between states, Kundalini, etc) come to a near standstill. It’s not that they stop occurring, but that I am so focused on mundane matters that I miss or bypass the spiritual experiences that I normally would notice.

Suffice it to say, I was not in a very good mood when I woke up. lol

After getting up and having to do some last minute school preparations for my kids, I decided to go back to bed. This almost never happens but this morning I felt like I needed the extra rest.

Messages

Within minutes of laying down I entered the in-between. I received various messages as the conversation with my guidance continued.

I had a vision of two crescent moons facing each other. They were coming closer together and when their ends touched a sparkling of energy began to explode out of the center of them. What resulted was a brilliantly white full moon that resembled the Yin and Yang symbol but without the black and white coloring.

I remember hearing that both sides carried something that was needed for the “mission”. I was not able to remember what I contributed despite hearing it clearly word-for-word. Why does that happen every.single.time!?!! Anyway, I heard what the other half was to contribute: Courage. I remember thinking, “Good because I’m a coward!” LOL There was a reminder to not sell myself short.

In another message I was told and simultaneously remembered, “I’ve practiced for this.” There was a Knowing then that I had been preparing for the coming decision and subsequent life changes it would create for a very long time. I wish I recalled what the scenario was but all I had was a Knowing and it settled my worries immediately. I remember thinking it was “crazy” to Know such a thing but at the same time it made total sense to me that we would rehearse important life decisions prior to and during life. I tried to remember these rehearsals but my memory was blank. Go figure!

In another vision I was sitting in the front seat of a car with my dear friend, Angela. She was in the driver’s seat. I opened up my purse and pulled out a large tube of lipstick. It was the length of my forearm. When I opened it up it was a pinkish-red and smelled like watermelon. There was a vision here of me throwing a watermelon and watching it crack open. I gave it to her as a gift and she accepted. Then she turned to me and said, “Let’s cook some cauliflower.” I said, “Cauliflower? Okay.” lol

Then I was trying to kill a cockroach and it hid inside one of my daughter’s Barbie cars. I took the car and put it in a kiddie pool to try and drown him. lol

OBE: World Summit

After this I was at a large warehouse. My consciousness ventured through the double doors to look inside. It was massive and the floors were pure ice. I thought/said, “It looks like an ice rink.” In the center of the rink was a table that was as long as the rink. It was lined with chairs and I remember thinking, “There is going to be a gathering.” I wondered who was going to be meeting there.

I became very aware at this point. I could feel my physical body very acutely but I was also very aware of floating just inches above it. I knew I was OOB but I wanted to know what the vision was about and if I distanced myself from my physical body I would lose the scene and any chance of retrieving the information being relayed to me. So I remained hovering over my physical body and calmed myself so as to remain OOB as long as I could.

I began to hear a conversation between several men that I could not see. They were gathering for a world summit meeting to discuss the state of the world and what could be done about it. The feeling from the men was that the meeting would be a waste of time. No one would agree on anything and if they couldn’t then the world would be none the better for their trying. This was not mentioned in words, instead it was more of a Knowing that was relayed to me. One man asked another man, “Where is the Chairman?” Another man answered and said, “I don’t know but he should be here soon.” Then another voice said, “What’s his name again?” I heard a man answer, “His name is Crow.” My immediate thought when I heard the name Crow was, “Eat crow.”

At this point, aware that I was overthinking and needed to not focus on what was being said, my attention was drawn to my root chakra which was exploding out toward my feet. Recognizing I was focusing too much on that, I began to try and not focus on anything and calm my mind. When I did this I could feel the energy of transition that indicates both leaving the body and returning to it. I did not want to return to my body so I pulled away from my physical body and headed toward the bedroom door. As I grabbed onto the doorknob I began to feel my heart pounding in my chest as if I were in my physical body. I recognized I was still to close to my body and needed to get further away. Yet the pounding of my heart was intense and with it came sensations from my body indicating that my arm was going numb. It was such an odd experience to feel both bodies simultaneously. Unfortunately, my body’s communication was too strong. The need to “fix” it was more than the need to explore the astral and so I made the decision to go back to my body.

When I settled back in my body my heart was not pounding but my arm was numb and my bladder was uncomfortably full. There was energy all around my head, indicating re-entry via my crown.

 

 

 

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Lucid Dream: Panther

I couldn’t sleep last night. I was wound up, bursting with energy. I think I finally fell asleep around 2am. I don’t feel tired this morning despite waking at 7am.

Lucid Dream: Panther

I was having a dream where I was talking with someone about happiness. I had a realization which I stated in the dream. It was something like, “No wonder I’m never happy. My expectations ruin it for me.” This statement brought on lucidity and the scene shifted.

I was in a car with two other women. One was a black women with exceptionally long dreadlocks. She was quite pretty and I remember wishing I looked like her. We were talking about various things, but I can’t recall the discussion now other than remembering something about a grocery store and a full versus empty shopping cart.

The black woman was driving the car and going quite fast. She made a turn at a very high speed and the car fish tailed to a stop in the ditch next to the gate leading onto some rural property. It looked like a ranch of some sort out in the middle of nowhere. When I realized the car was swerving and might crash, I escaped out the window and floated next to the car watching it come to a stop.

Then I was standing on the gravel road in between the fence posts that marked the entrance to the ranch. I saw this massive, black panther standing in front of me. It was huge and had massive canines. I was nervous and looked to see if I could find my companions but they had vanished. I was alone, face-to-face with a black panther!

The large cat rushed toward me and I huddled down to protect myself. It pounced and landed on my back and then put its massive mouth over my head as if it were going to eat me. But rather than eat me, it seemed to be playing with me and felt more like a dog than a cat. I could feel the weight of it on my back and feel the heat of its breath and its massive teeth.

I wast thinking, “Is he friendly?” Nothing he did indicated that he was going to hurt me, yet I was still not sure. I stood up and he let me stand. For some reason he was playfully jumping around like a dog waiting for his owner to throw a stick for him to fetch. I got it in my mind to pick up a rock and throw it. When I did, the panther chased after the rock. I remember thinking, “How do I get out of here?” Despite the panther being friendly, all I could think of was how to get away from him.

The large cat came loping back with the rock and dropped it at my feet, asking me to throw it again. I was plotting my escape when I felt the energy of re-entry into my physical body pull me out of the scene.

Hypnagogia

Upon return to my body I was hit with intense hypnagogic imagery. It was all in black, white and gray and there were symbols strategically placed in a grid pattern that covered my entire visual field. It had depth (3D) and reminded me of coordinates or the plotting of some kind of graph. The symbols were varied and it was most definitely some kind of language. What language, I don’t know. I recall seeing the number 3 but it was not numerical. As I try to remember the symbols, Ancient Cyrillic comes to mind. Just so happens that the 3 is one of the symbols in this language. hahaha

cyrillic

My entire crown was lit up with so much energy it felt as if my head were going to explode. It didn’t hurt but it was uncomfortable and my entire body stiffened making it impossible to relax.

I tried to direct the images I was seeing by willing them to change. I tried to give them color. I tried to shift it into a scene or a picture that I could walk into. Nothing worked. The only change that resulted was that the symbols were replaced by millions of tiny 3D bubbles all in gray and white. They started out tiny and got larger and larger until at the top of my visual field they seemed to pop or burst open. Circles upon circles upon circles.

strawberries-800

Dream: Strawberry Field and Message

I saw in front of me a field of beautiful, red, ripe strawberries. They were lined up and perfect in every way. When I saw them, though, I rejected them. There is no way strawberries could be that perfect. I replaced the image with a field of half rotten strawberries. The rows and columns had huge gaps in them where the strawberries had been taken out. To me this felt more comfortable but there was most definitely an upset with this scene. I preferred the first but felt it was impossible. It made more sense that the strawberries be imperfect, rotting or missing.

Someone was with me and they were trying to convince me that the first field of strawberries was a possibility. I don’t recall how he looked, just his energy. He had such hope and his belief was stronger than my own. He took my hand and said to me, “Let’s pave a new path.” I let him take my hand but I did not go with him. What he was promising was a fantasy world. I would be stupid to follow him. Yet not going with him was agonizing.

I woke up feeling really awful and hopeless.

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Dream: Protection

Meant to share this earlier.

Dream: Protection

I’m inside a house that is unfamiliar. It is a small house and there is a section (fireplace?) that is barred on three sides with wrought iron decorative railing/fencing. One section, however, is missing. The missing section is pointed out to me by my adviser. He shows me via telepathy a visual of someone sneaking into the house and taking it. This someone comes into the house frequently and takes things. Little things usually, so no one will notice them missing. The person is taking bigger things now, feeling brazen. The reason this someone can get inside is because the door was left unlocked. In fact, all the windows and doors to the house were unlocked. I remember stating that my husband is the culprit. He purposefully leaves the doors and windows unlocked. He does this with his car, too.

I walked across the street to an identical house. The door is wide open. Unlocked. I feel upset by this. I shut the door and there is concern. What will this person take next? How can I assure they won’t get back in when my husband purposefully leaves everything unlocked?

Interpretation

When I awoke from this dream I was concerned and a bit alarmed. My first thought was that I needed to put up protection, like the invoking the violet flame or putting a bubble of protective energy around myself. But this didn’t make sense. I felt protected in that way. So what is this dream about?

Then I thought that I needed to change all the passwords on my accounts. I did this, this morning just in case. lol Can’t be too careful.

The dream kept returning to me despite being lost more than once. I suspect there is a message in there about my marriage since it is my husband who leaves everything unlocked. Robbery symbolizes an identity crisis or loss in life. Leaving something unlocked represents a kind of insecurity; being left wide open to outside threat. I also feel I have no control over the actions of my husband based upon the second house and my feelings about it being left unlocked.

In considering this, I will say that recently our relationship has shifted quite a bit. My husband is being more allowing of my spiritual connections and beliefs. Not that he agrees with them, but that he is allowing me to have that, to be who I am. Of course, when it gets in the way of his wants and beliefs he quickly shifts gears. I don’t know what to think of it all really. Perhaps this is why I feel unable to control him in the dream? I don’t know what to expect anymore.

It could also be that I am letting my husband be in control of me/my life/my path and should not be. Perhaps he is a threat that I am not seeing? The allowance of him into my space is potentially harmful. He is stealing from me. Hmmm. Something to consider………Ugh that interpretation feels spot on. What do I do what that??? [insert expletives]. How do you lock out a spouse? Okay, don’t answer that question it’s rhetorical. Really. lol

 

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Dreams: Renewing Vows and Cat and Owl

Some more vivid dreams.

Dream: Renewing Vows

I was in a small dress shop with an older girlfriend and her daughter. She was taking me to the dresses, discussing which one’s we would buy. They had chosen these very gaudy, gowns with petticoats that made it nearly impossible for them to sit down. I remember saying that I wanted something less dressy, more casual. I looked at a slinky gown of white and gold. The older lady friend said, “Are you sure? You should go all-out for this!” I knew the event we were preparing for was my marriage ceremony, only this one was a renewal ceremony. We were already married.

We entered a restaurant and sat down at a table together to have dinner. Everyone seemed quite happy and excited but I was not feeling this way. I don’t remember what everyone was talking about but I felt like a whole lot of time was missing from my memory. I didn’t remember getting married and I definitely would not hang out with people like this. Who were they anyway?

My husband, who I did not recognize and seems only like a blur in my memory now, offered me a drink. It was orange colored and he said it was alcoholic. He said, “Give it a try. It is good. See for yourself.” I took the small cup of orange liquid and drank it. It tasted like juice. I said, “There’s no way this is alcoholic.” Everyone laughed but me.

Interpretation

The feeling here is that I was being reminded that my Counterpart and I were married and had been since the beginning of time. I do not recall this, of course, but a part of me does. In this dream the upcoming marriage was being discussed and was considered a renewal of vows because that is technically what it is. I was not comfortable with the situation because I have so many gaps in my memory that none of it fits. So I was downplaying the whole thing, thus choosing a less gaudy dress than the others. The orange drink is curious. I fully expected a strong alcoholic flavor but instead tasted the most sweetest juice I had ever tasted. Orange as a color denotes feeling fully alive.

Dream: Cat and Owl

The scene was inside an unfamiliar house. I was with my sister-in-law and she was talking about having another baby. She was also very concerned about money, trying to figure out where all of hers went and how to make ends meet. I was helping her with her considerations and talking to her about her budget.

I began to get semi-lucid in this dream. The signs were there to wake me up within the dream, but I never quite caught on.

I went into a room and then turned around and the door was missing. This made me feel very off and I got dizzy and disoriented within the dream for a moment. I touched the wall to reestablish myself in the scene. I could feel the texture and coolness of it and see the beige coloring. Afterward, I spotted the door and went back through it. My SIL said to me, “Hey, didn’t you go in the door over there? How did you come out here?” I was as confused as she was.

Then I was outside standing in the middle of a sidewalk. I was talking to someone but can’t remember about what and I do not remember seeing anyone there. Right in front of me, standing there staring at me, was the largest owl I had ever seen. He just stared at me and seemed almost like a statue except that he would occasionally blink his eyes. He was probably about the height of a small child, so very large. Larger than any owl I had ever seen.

I remember thinking I should take a picture because this was by far the strangest thing I had ever seen. At this point I was convinced the dream was real – this was really happening. Then a very large, orange, tabby cat approached me. He was nice but also way bigger than any normal cat should be. He came up to me purring and I petted him on the head but had the thought I should be careful because cats can be unpredictable and he might decide to bite me for no reason.

Then the cat went and stood right next to the massive owl and they both just stared at me.

Interpretation

When I awoke from this dream I felt myself come back into my body similar to what I feel when returning from an OBE. Yet I was not lucid enough in the dream to recognize this.

The owl is still very vivid in my mind. He was HUGE. And so strange. His head was very smooth with no feathers poking up indicative of the Great Horned Own who is my main animal totem. He was the typical mottled brown I am use to seeing and his eyes were yellowish.

Owls are symbolic of the subconscious, of expanded awareness, mysticism, and all things spiritual. They can see “beyond”.

The orange cat was also huge and stood nearly the same height as the owl. I have not seen cats for a while in my dreams. They typically symbolize feminine sexuality and sensuality. The orange, like in the dream before, is feeling alive and tuned into one’ senses. I kept worrying it would bite me, probably because I am worried my own sexual tendencies will bite me if I give into them. lol