Tag Archives: dream analysis

by

Dreams from Last Night

Dreams from last night. Probably why I woke up in a bad mood. lol

Dream: Keys to Any Car

I was in a mall-type environment at a gathering of teachers. While waiting I browsed a shop and dilly dallied around a while trying to decide whether I wanted to buy anything there or not. There were candles and other novelty items. I remember looking at a pillow for my daughter with a unicorn on it. It was $12 and I thought that too much.

I left the store to find some food but the food court there was made up of fast food type places, all of which I wanted nothing to do with. I wandered here and there, stepping over a bunch of sleeping people laid out on the floor. What was odd here is the floor was bright white and all the people were laying under white blankets.

I finally went through some doors that led to the parking lot. Suddenly I was not alone. There was a man with me who I never saw directly. We seemed to share thoughts. I remember thinking, ” I forgot where I parked my car.” I held my key fob in my hand and pressed it, hoping it would make my car beep and flash its lights. It did make a car’s lights flash and I heard a strange beeping that seemed similar to Morse Code. I went up to the car but since it wasn’t mine (it was a Datsun), I stepped back. My friend said, “Looks like your keys fit this car.” I said, “But it’s not mine.” He said, “It could be yours.” Then he held out his hand and there were two more key fobs. One was black, the other silver and much smaller. I looked at it and remember thinking, “All of these cars are mine.”  This is when I realized the entire parking lot was dusted in snow.

I went back inside and all the food shops were closing up. I was really hungry by this time and wished I had just gotten some of the Asian food there. I saw the Asian shop closing up and asked a young Asian lady why she was closing. She said, “It’s 1pm. Closing time.”

imagesInterpretation

Mall = choices and decisions in one’s life.

Pillow = comfort, relaxation and taking it easy on one’s self. Looks like I don’t want to take it easy on myself.

12 = message from one’s guides to not be hindered by old habits that need to be changed. Try to look at new experiences in a positive way.

Unicorn = idealism, hope and/or insight into a situation. It can also represent one-sided views.

White = purity, new beginnings, awakening, or a blank slate.

Sleeping people = aspects of my subconscious that I am not alert to. I see it as me not wanting to be alert to them because I avoid them.

Keys = opportunity.

Lost Car = dissatisfaction with some aspect of life. It means I don’t know what I want to do or where I want to go. This is my life story. lol

Snow = inhibitions. Something is holding me back.

Food = nourishment of one’s body, mind, soul, emotions, etc. I was wishing I had not delayed so long in choosing the food I wanted to eat.

Dream: Adopted Girl

I was presented with a tiny, Australian Shepherd puppy, a tri-colored one. I cradled it in my arms and saw it quite clearly. So cute! Someone was taking newborn photos of it and as soon as I recognized this, the puppy turned into a newborn baby girl. There was discussion as to whether I wanted to keep it. At first I wanted to. She was so cute. But then I worried about her being adopted. Who was her mother? What would she look like? What would she be like? Yet I kept snuggling her close. I instantly loved her.

Then it was like some time passed and I was inside this room with so many people that it almost seemed crowded. We were all sitting on couches with giant pillows. The main color was green but I also saw some in blue. I was discussing my baby with someone and ended up on a walkway in my mind during this discussion. I was with children who were running and playing. I ran after them and came upon a small, shrub-like tree laden with tiny, green, round fruit. I said, “Wow! There are 50 fruits on this tree!” The man with me said, “Yes, it’s an old avocado tree.” I said, “I love avocado!” He said, “Look on the ground. There may be some ripe ones still.” I looked and found several large avocados but they were all over ripe and no good for eating. The man said, “The tree is very old and nearing the end of its life.”

Then I was back in the room with all the people but I was sitting right in the middle of the avocado tree. I reached down and felt the over ripe avocados below me. Then, I saw very clearly a young woman with very white blonde hair. I knew instantly she was my daughter, the one who had just been a baby. I saw another blonde girl on the other side of the room. She was a bit younger and I knew she was the girl’s sister. What was odd is that everyone in the room had dark hair except these two girls (an myself I assume). The girl who was my daughter had earned the reputation of being very sexually promiscuous, unfortunately. I was not unhappy about it but remember seeing her flaunting her breasts and thinking she was very beautiful.

Interpretation

Puppy = playfulness or a blossoming friendship.

Baby = innocence and new beginnings. The fact that I was questioning whether to keep her indicates my uncertainty regarding the new beginning.

Pillows (again) = I need to take it easy, relax.

Green = healing

Blue = communication.

Avocado = rewards for hard work and persistence towards a goal. Being those on the tree were still maturing indicates that there is still some time to go before this goal is reached. The ones over ripe could indicate goals that have already been reached, the rewards for which have not yet been acknowledged.

Tree = hopes, desires, knowledge, self-development and individuation. Since the tree is nearing the end of its life it could indicate that this time in my life is nearing its end as well.

Hair = sensuality, seduction, vanity. Being it is white it could indicate potential exists here. I suspect that I am still struggling with these aspects of myself and so seeing it as my daughter.

images (1)Dream: School Bus

I was flying with a girl near a highway overpass. It was crowded with cars and we both flew up and selected a blue car to follow. I remember becoming the car and speeding down the road.

Then I was inside a school bus. My husband was driving. He was driving very reckless and was not being very nice, yelling about the traffic, etc. I remember looking out of the window at one point and seeing a family sitting in the back of a trailer. They were helping their son sell hamburgers to people so he could earn extra money. I remember being very impressed and telling my husband. He only focused on the fact that they were selling hamburgers which were not good for people.

The traffic slowed and I saw the cars stopped ahead. My husband yelled to me, “What road should we be on! Tell me now! Hurry! What road??” I could see highway 79 and told him, “79. Take that exit.” I pointed and he followed and I felt the bus lurch as he swerved and then slowed to take the exit. The last thing I remember was noticing that the exit had what appeared to be fencing on either side and a very sharp, 90 degree turn.

Interpretation

Car = life path. Being it is one on the highway overpass, perhaps I am choosing the “high road”? lol

Blue = communication.

School bus = indicates that an important life journey is about to take place, one that is needed for my spiritual growth. Considering my husband is driving and not being nice, I do not think I  will like this path. lol

Hamburger = dissatisfaction with some situation or relationship in your life. I know what that is. I talk about selling them and my husband doesn’t like it. Ha!

79 = shedding old aspects of life that no longer suit me or my True Self. It indicates that certain issues are coming to an end allowing for the new to come into my life.

Fence = obstacle that is standing in my way; feeling “fenced in” or confined within a relationship.

 

 

 

by

Incentives Needed

The lack of motivation continues. In considering it further, I realize that I have been feeling this lack for some time. Months, years even. It is intricately linked to my dislike of being in this world, of participating in life. I struggle to find things that make me smile. Daily I search for them, hoping for a brief reprieve in this drudgery. Thankfully I am surrounded by my children and my youngest is a great source of joy. He is walking, talking, babbling joy.

Right now we all are in an integration stage, preparing for the next step or whatever you want to call. A friend of mine said it perfectly: Integration is being stuck on third base (I don’t know) until CONFIRMATION comes to the plate and drives you Home.

My dreams were indicative of my struggle with finding the motivation to move forward, to take the steps I need to take. When I awoke I heard my guides say, “We will give you incentives.” Hmmm. Intriguing.

Dream: In High School Again

Once again I found myself in the all-too-familiar dreamscape of high school. I was a student in a present-day high school taking all the courses I had already taken and blending in with the students there. I remember at one point getting a math assignment and feeling fed up with such assignments. I already knew how to do this level of math. It was 9th grade math. I was way beyond 9th grade – miles above it.

A fellow student gave me the last bunch of math problems – simple algebraic equations. I took the paper, sighed and rolled my eyes. The student asked me if I could do them. I said, “Of course, I can. I can do all of it. It is just tedious and time consuming.” In my mind I thought of how long it would take to solve each problem and just considering it made me tired.

I continued to talk to the student and others gathered around to listen to me. I remember telling the student my secret: I graduated high school already. Years ago. They asked how long ago and I said, “Well I graduated in 1994, so more than 20 years now.” They all gasped. lol In the dream I looked/felt young like them so I had no issue with being so old, but now I laugh because damn, I’m old now! lol

A young girl and I walked through the school together talking. She was African American with beautiful, shoulder length curls that hung in ringlets around her face. Exactly the way I wish I looked in this lifetime. We were going to a part of the school we were not allowed to go and I was excited to be doing something different. I remember we got to an area where there was a large bed and living area. Sitting at a desk was an dark complected teacher. She allowed us to leave and we exited the scene.

Dream: Water Park Prison

I was working at a water park. It was early in the morning and the water had not been turned on yet. I told some waiting children that the water would be on soon. I told them to watch the massive blue slides for signs of water turning on. When it did, the children were allowed to slide on them and for a moment I was one of those children, joyfully sliding down the slides.

I remember being at the front desk with others and offering to help. For some reason I ended up playing the role of waitress or servant, bringing drinks. It was like the front desk area turned into a restaurant. Interestingly, helping made me feel useful and needed so I found enjoyment in it.

Then I was inside a county jail that reminded me of a school except it was most definitely set up to imprison its occupants. I was there to visit a young Hispanic man. I remember that an older woman was with me and was helping me to get in since I was not suppose to be there visiting him. I remember little about our meeting now, but I do recall meeting with him. He was in the middle of eating his dinner but it was too early for dinner – around 4:30pm – and I apologized for interrupting it. He kept his head down and wouldn’t look at me, but my message to him was that I was there to get him out. He would be released soon.

Interpretation

In considering these dreams, it is obvious to me that I feel imprisoned in this Earth experience. Life is a drudgery. It isn’t a challenge anymore – or at least not a challenge that I find worthwhile. The problems I have I feel I can solve easily but I don’t see the point. If I have already graduated, what am I doing here still? I look at the math problems and feel as if all desire to live is sucked completely out of me. And I do feel I CAN solve them without issue, but the idea of taking the time to do so is exhausting.

The second dream is interesting. I think someone was trying to get me to see the fun that can be found in this “game”. Emotions (water) can be something exhilarating (water slide). One doesn’t have to drown in them. And the waitress part I think was me being shown that I found enjoyment in being of service – which I do.

The prison scene appears to be them showing me that I could help free others from the “prison-school”. Who it was I was visiting, I’m not sure, but I suspect it was someone who I felt I could help.

With that, I will add that I have been feeling a huge loss. The feeling of ALIVEness that came with the heart connection and kundalini episodes of the past 6 months is now gone. I feel it has been unfairly taken from me and without it, I don’t see anything ahead of me but a bleak,  uninteresting life. It seems always to happen this way for me. I am given a gift and then it is snatched away from me or I lose interest in it because it is no longer new. Similar to how a child plays with a new toy for a day or two and then it ends up under their bed, forgotten, and they seek out another new toy to play with. That’s me. Easily bored. Always wanting something new and exciting and without it sulking in the corner until I get what I want.

 

 

by

Message: The New Grid

With the new moon approaching, I decided to spend some time considering what exactly I want to manifest in my life. So last night, I did this, speaking aloud my intent. Instead of giving specific Earthly manifestations I would like to see, I spoke of quality. For example, “I AM in loving, mutually respectful relationships with others.” This was not the specific one I vocalized but it is similar.

Prior to voicing my intent, I did Hatha yoga and spent some time meditating. I had full crown chakra activation while meditation and the energy snaked down my neck by the end of it.

Again, as has been the norm for this entire week, a major thunderstorm struck after bedtime. This one had house-shaking thunder and room-brightening lightening along with torrential downpours. I have lived in and visited many places but never have I encountered such intense storms as the ones we get here in Texas. Wow.

Dream: Hybrid Children

This dream began with me driving down the road away from my mother’s house. Someone else was driving the car and I was looking out the window. I saw a woman curled up in the fetal position on the side of the road. Her belongings were packed in a suitcase. I told the driver  to turn around. He did not want to. We were on a schedule. I convinced him to anyway.

I got out of the car but the woman was not there. Instead, there was a very long vehicle that looked like a station wagon that had been stretched into a limousine. Inside were more children than I could count. They were playing and all around them was a golden light. I was immediately drawn to them and began talking to them. One girl showed me her toy. It was made for her fingers and she showed me how to use it. I remember commenting that I had never seen anything like it.

I remember the children had a caretaker with them but he stayed back and allowed me to talk with them for a while. I felt such love for them and wanted to stay but knew I was needed elsewhere. So I moved on.

I came upon a strange structure that could have come from a Dr. Seuss book it was so bizarre. It was a long machine that appeared to have row upon row of teeth. You put an object in at one end and out the other end it appeared transformed.  A young man was with me explaining how it worked. I never saw him until after he had been inside the machine. When he came out he had changed. Instead of looking human, he looked very alien. His face had changed dramatically. His eyes became hollow and deep set in his skull and his mouth and nose merged. His lips disappeared and his mouth widened, stretching towards his now nonexistent ears. His nose became two slits.

I remember saying to him, “You are an avian-human hybrid! Look, you are covered from head to toe in tiny, down-like feathers!” I looked him up and down and was shocked at his transformation. His entire body was a light, golden brown color, like the color of the golden eagle. He wore no clothing and his body was very slim. But most noticeable was his face. He looked very odd but to the me in the dream he was quite normal looking, beautiful even.

I put his briefcase into the machine and out the end came what appeared to be something edible. I remember saying to the hybrid man, “You probably won’t like this.” I remember thinking he would want to eat worms now. lol

goldeneagle

Message 

When I awoke I was upset because I knew I was suppose to remember a name and could not recall it. I also could not recall anything about the context in which I had received it. But I did recall the hybrid children and avian hybrid.

I did, however, remember other dream experiences at this time. I had dreamed of being on planes and traveling. Plane after plane after plane. All with the same group of individuals who were “family”. I remember one man clearly. He was from my Mt. Shasta trip. My family had bought me a ticket to travel with them. I remember it was on American Airlines. We were traveling to Chicago. I had already been there, I told them. But had I?

I knew that the dream was symbolic of my travels in my sleep. I had been on craft, traveling and discussing my mission.

Another dream came forward in my memory. In this one I was a new recruit and after arriving for training had gotten distracted and could not find my squadron. I was distracted by this body (physical reality). I did find three others who were as lost as I was. I remember seeing an indoor water park with one of those wave pools and recognizing I had been overwhelmed by the huge waves (emotions). Me and the other recruits sought out help and a short, black woman came up to us. I remember standing in front of this woman and her looking at me very closely. She asked me, “What’s wrong with you?” I felt that no matter how tall I tried to stand that my eyes shifted to the ground and my shoulders slumped. She said, “Where is your motivation!? We need to do something about that.” I replied, “I know, sir.”

With all these memories there came the voice of one of my guides. When I looked at him, he was very tall. His shoulders would be at my eye-level, that’s how enormous he was. His arms were very thin and sinewy and I remember reaching for his hand and holding it. The fingers were as long as my own hand and very thin also. I hugged him. Then I became aware of massive wings. When I noticed them he said, “We all have them, even you.”

I did not question this. I understood I was being shown one of many thousands of forms We take. There were more important things to discuss. My mission especially. I acknowledged my lack of motivation. He asked me, “What can we do for you?” I honestly had no answer. Where did this lack of motivation come from? I knew it was because everything that is my life does not match my heart. The intents that I had stated prior to sleep are not my reality and I need to take action to make it so. Knowing this made me completely apathetic.

I was then asked to come with them. They wanted to show me something. Soon I was seeing a map of the U.S. below me. It was an outline map. My attention was directed immediately to west Texas and I saw a small stream of yellow that grew massive the farther west we moved. The yellow was like a stream in Texas but by the time it got to New Mexico almost the entire state was covered in yellow. Arizona, especially the central to southern half, was completely covered and so was the entirety of southern California.

travel-map-sailing-ship-wallpaper

I grew too conscious of what I as being shown at this point and withdrew. What was this? What was this yellow color? There was memory of the human physical aura and I understood that this was equivalent to the physical aura of the U.S. What composed it? The collective thoughts of the people inhabiting these regions. Yellow in the physical aura indicates a virus. Yellow in the mental aura indicates over thinking/analytical thought. Do the people in this southwestern U.S. have a collective mental virus?

My attention was brought to other areas of the U.S. The Midwest and central regions were dotted with red and yellow. Red is inflammation and anger, it can also be sexual energy. My thought here was that many in these areas were locked up in root chakra issues. Then I was taken to the region just over the Great Lakes and a bit above into Canada. Blue and aqua. Quite beautiful. Then I was taken down toward the southern U.S. and saw once again red streaks. There were several giant bubbles of red over Kentucky, Tennessee and Alabama along with more yellow streaks.

Memory then returned of my lessons about the energy grid and how it had been disassembled. My gridwork was complete but another type of gridwork had begun. Work with the collective consciousness. Connections needed to be established. It is like a world-wide-web of consciousness. This is the new grid. It is IN US, in OUR thoughts.

But there is still the question of my lack of motivation. It is horribly apparent. I can’t help but think that this Mars retrograde is to blame. But then the lack of motivation is suppose to be affecting the men, not the women. Why am I so affected?

Featured image taken from http://www.viralnova.com/hybrid-children/

 

 

 

by

Dream: Flight to Brussels

It is pouring rain here. Again. lol After 7 years of drought the rain is very welcomed but there seems to be an over abundance of it. Isn’t that how it is with spiritual transformation, too? That is what I have observed for myself anyway. Periods of drought (7 years for me, too) and then periodic deluges. I wonder why it works like that?

For some reason the rain makes me sleep deeper and gives me heavy eyes when I try to wake up. Such a wonderful, heavenly feeling. It makes me never want to wake up!

I had a very intensely vivid dream last night, too, which made me want to stay asleep a bit longer.

Dream: Flight to Brussels 

I was led on board an airplane with my family except that my family consisted of my mom and my three children. My husband was not present.

The attendant led us to a grouping of seats and we each looked at our tickets to find where our seats were. There were approximately six rows of seats each three seats wide. We were spread out and not sitting together. My youngest’s seat was near the window and mine was on the aisle. I was upset about this for some reason. There was a man, a stranger, who questioned me about my upset. I don’t remember what I said now.

Then I noticed just how very large the airplane was. Instead of the aisle being a few feet wide it spread for probably a hundred feet, maybe more. In the center was a large dome and a circular area which had a circular half wall separating it from the rest of the aircraft. I knew that in this area was where demonstrations were held, specifically demonstrations between two people who were to experience Union. In the dream Union was assumed to be a sexual act.

There was discussion about arriving at our destination. I was told we had made it to Denmark but I was upset because my destination was Brussels.

When we arrived we did not exit the aircraft. Instead, a woman met me and we went into the domed area. She was shorter than me with dark hair and reminded me of a friend from school so I kept associating her with that person. Yet she was definitely not that person. She kept coming toward me and I kept avoiding her because my thought was that she wanted to have sex with me and I was in no way interested. I realize now that was not her intention.

There was one point where I took off all my clothes and explained to her that it made me feel free. I remember wishing I were in the mountains at that time. How nice it would be to run around naked in the mountains, I thought. lol

I recall in speaking with this woman that I mentioned how people in my family had recently died. I specifically remember telling her my mom died. There were two others that had also died but I can’t remember who now. They were all family members.

Considerations

I believe the aircraft I was on was representative of a place that I visited that was not of the Earth plane. The domed area is familiar to me. My feeling from this dream is that I am preparing for Union, or the K-rising that I have been forewarned about. I am not sure why I was met by a woman but perhaps there is a need for me to be open to both sexes; to embrace both aspects of mySelf. This feels right and usually, in past dream experiences, the female gender has been embraced as often as the male, if not more. I have always been more attracted to the female form but not necessarily sexually attracted.

 

by

Dreams: Prison, Dead Dog and History Class

Found this in my drafts folder from over a month ago. Not sure why I never posted it.

Very active dream night.

Dream: Prison

I was with a group consisting of two men and two women and myself. We had just been released from prison and were in holding together. There was a backstory connected to the two men, but I cannot remember it now. What I do remember is being with the other women, segregated from the men. I was suppose to take a bath and clean up and was walking back and forth between the bathroom/women’s quarters and another place. I don’t remember being naked but I do recall the men staring at me. Yet I was comfortable with them. It was like they were my family.

The feeling is that we were preparing to be released after years spent in a sort of prison. Prison is the best word, though I do not feel it is an accurate description.

Dream: Dead Dog

I was in a dorm-type room and it felt similar to college for some reason. I did not feel like I belonged there. Again, it was a segregated-type feeling. Men were with men, women with women. The women didn’t like me and had killed my little, white dog. They laughed at me as I took the body of the dog and fled out of the room. When no one was looking, I took the body of my dog, now in a small wooden box, and sneaked outside. It was a brilliantly beautiful day and I could see a field of green in front of me. In the distance was a forest. I could see the door behind me, lit up against a stark, white building with no other openings. The building rose so high I could not see the top.

I began to tip-toe into the field when I heard a voice and saw that a group of the men were coming in from a training exercise. I could not hide. I was out in the open. So I just froze there, hoping no one would see me. I never got to bury my dog as I was seen and taken back inside to my room.

Dream: History Class

I found myself inside a classroom with other students. In front of me was a test, a U.S. History test. I felt out of place and did not understand why I was in this class again! I saw the teacher in the front of the room watching everyone. I took the test but knew all the answers and didn’t care if I passed or failed. I was going to get this fixed because I did not belong in this class.

The teacher had us grade our own tests. I only missed one. He took them up and then passed them out again and had marked on my test. The grade was an 86 and he marked two more wrong. 3 wrong? I was angry at him.

I left the classroom intent on fixing the issue by changing my schedule. I was NOT taking that stupid class again!!

Interpretation

Writing what I think the dreams mean now, versus a month ago when I had them.

The prison dream had a feeling of awakening with it and upon reading it again I realize this is an accurate interpretation. There was a series of dreams at this time in which I was with a small group of family in Spirit. We were being released from contracts I believe and preparing to go out “on our own” so to speak. I can see the developments in my life pertaining to this dream now as I prepare to head to Mt. Shasta.

The second dream is relating to how I had been feeling at the time. Trapped and struggling with an internal split. I felt betrayed (dead dog) but not sure by who. I escaped but was recaptured indicating a feeling of failure or lack of ability to free myself from life’s circumstances.

The history class I believe is related to past life events and healing/learning from them. I feel I have already been there/done that yet I am still required to review and test over the same subject. It is very frustrating!

by

Dream: Organ

I got to sleep in this morning! No interrupted sleep. No Kundalini. Just a nice, restful sleep!

Unfortunately, as soon as I awoke there was not so good news from my husband. Why must my mornings be clouded in such a way? I must take the news in stride. Today is my daughter’s 8th birthday party. It will be a good day!

I had an interesting dream I want to share with you all.

Dream: Organ

I was with a group of teachers and administrators at orientation. Apparently I had taken the position of school counselor. I remember discussing my salary and schedule. There was mention that I would be making $4000/month but only if I agreed to add a class at the end of the day. I agreed, but can’t remember what the class was about nor my title which was a split title between counselor and something else. I recall another teacher listening in and knew she had to work more hours than me but got less pay. It seemed wrong but I didn’t say anything about it.

Then I was receiving the key to my room/office. I remember asking where it would be and pointed to the number 33 on the key ring. The lady who was giving it to me said she had to check the school map and then showed me room 428 or something close to that. I said, “Isn’t that on the 4th floor?” and then realized it was in the high school not the middle school. This was when I recognized my position was full-time and at a high school. For some reason I had not expected this. I didn’t want to work full-time.

I lingered in a room with several other teachers and was shown an old, large organ that had a domed cover on it. It was made of wood and in fairly good condition. I remember that I had requested it for my office because music was very important to me. I opened it up and played some notes, wishing I had kept up with my piano lessons in college. I played a few chords and another teacher requested I play her a song. I told her I couldn’t, that I was out of practice. So I selected some music that was saved on the organ and let it play.

In inspecting the organ further I saw that it had a screen with a list of movies organized alphabetically. I went through several of them and watched as the organ projected them up on a screen in the room. Several teachers stayed to watch as I played several for short periods of time. I never selected one because I didn’t recognize them. Many were Disney cartoons and several were old shows. I remember one was about dinosaurs.

A male teacher requested one and so I attempted to play it but accidentally pushed the “log out” button. The screen shifted to the log-in screen and I realized I did not have the log-in of the previous owner. Uh-oh. How would I ever retrieve the movies or music now?

The male teacher said, “We can just watch Star Wars” and went to a cabinet below the projection screen and opened it up to reveal a TV and DVD player. He popped in the DVD and they began watching one of the Star Wars movies. I remember being beside myself with this new problem of losing everything saved on this organ and never being able to retrieve it.

Behind the Dream

Behind the dream scenes I was struggling and having a conversation with one of my guides about upcoming changes to my life. There was a large bed and I would feel very, very tired and climb into it. I kept putting the pillow over my eyes and recall others trying to get my attention and me feeling too drowsy to give it to them. At one point I climbed into the bed and there was an old man in it who wanted to cuddle with me. I couldn’t stand it because the bed was really horribly hot and uncomfortable. That is when I finally chose to not sleep and discuss the options laid out before me.

Symbolism

The theme of the dream is around my career and choices I have. I have been looking for work but struggling to find anything that I am interested in. There is one job that would suit me well but it is a 30 minute commute from my home and is with students who are part of the alternative education program. My main concern is that I will be back working with kids who are in such a program. The other concern is going back to work full-time. I keep looking at the job but not applying. So the dream is likely me looking over this part of my waking life and discussion my options.

Organs symbolize one’s spiritual connections and religious views. I suspect that this particular organ represents my life path. The movies are representative of my life and indecision because I am not able to choose one. They can also represent life passing one by. The music represents emotions and enjoyment of life. I am able to play some music but feel sad that I had not learned to play more. This is likely my regret of not enjoying life more.

The accidental log-out is likely discussion of the soul exchange phenomena and my concerns about the results of it. I could also be reconsidering it since I accidentally log out.

roach

The feeling when I awoke was an inability to confront some things in my life and I just wanted to return to sleep. There happened to be a baby roach on my ceiling when I woke up. I did not see it as a good sign but when reading about them I realized that this one was affirming my thoughts upon waking. I felt change was coming for me and there was a sadness about it. Roaches symbolize metamorphosis and bring the message that change is coming. They just happen to be part of the beetle family which I wrote about recently. When one sees a roach it likely means they are spending too much time alone or in the shadows. Time to step out into the light.

 

 

by

To Become Whole, We Must First Be Separate

Warning – this post could upset some of you, especially those of you who have experienced sexual trauma.

“To become Whole, We must first Be Separate”.

This was what I was told this morning when I awoke in tears from a dream directed at helping me to heal a major wound which I have been carrying with me for many, many lives.

Dream

In the dream I was a counselor who was told about an incident where a young girl witnessed her father molesting her little brother. In the dream, I actually witnessed it as well. I took the girl to report it and listened to her statement.

Then I shifted into a hospital setting and was laying in a bed. Everything was white. In front of me was this machine that I knew was an electroshock therapy machine. It was connected to me. I kept shocking myself over and over again with it. For some reason the shock made me feel better and I would smile. I both experienced and witnessed this as it occurred.

Then a man came into the room. I recognized him as my partner. He was completely naked. He radiated unconditional love and sympathy as he crawled into my hospital bed and snuggled up to me. I felt completely numb and did not respond to him.

When I awoke, I was crying uncontrollably. It was not sobbing, but more silent, slow tears that wouldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried to stop them and my heart chakra was ablaze with a warm, comforting feeling. I heard from my Companion, “It’s not your fault.”

Healing a Deep Wound

The wound itself has been one of discussion in this blog before. It specifically comes from the past 3 lives prior to this one but is also a part of this lifetime.

The wound, simply put, is betrayal. More specifically, this betrayal is betrayal of love and trust. The love of a child for a parent. The love of a woman for her husband. The complete trust of a child that their parents will care for them, protect them, and nurture them because they are too small and too innocent to do so themselves. The complete trust of a wife in her husband and expectation that he will protect her and bear what she cannot.

With all this betrayal of love and trust also comes a feeling of complete abandonment by God.

There is also a complete disgust for mankind and the male gender in general.

To recap:

  • Most recent past life: I was murdered by my father at the age of 6. I am not sure why but Remembered this morning that my mother, who I thought innocent, was an accomplice. Betrayal by parents.
  • Life before that: I married a man who was abusive and raped me. Betrayal by husband.
  • Life before that: As a child I was molested by my own father after my mother’s death. Later in that life I was murdered by my own husband who also murdered our infant son and then killed himself. Betrayal by father. Betrayal by husband.

This Lifetime

Memories from this life also surfaced. When I was little, around 7 years old, I walked past our bathroom and saw our neighbor using the restroom in front of my little sister. He was asking her, “Do you want to touch it.” Horrified, I took my sister’s hand and told her, “No.” The moment will forever be ingrained in my memory.

I told my mom but I had no idea what, if anything, she did about. The neighbors eventually moved to Mexico, though.

Fast forward to 2003. On a road trip back from California, I fell asleep in the back seat only to awaken to the sound of my mom and older sister having a serious conversation. In it, I overheard that my sister had been molested by the neighbor when she was 10-11 years old. This was the same neighbor who I had seen trying to get my younger sister to touch him. I interrupted their conversation because I was totally shocked. My sister said, “I thought you knew about it. He did it to you, too.” I had no idea what she was talking about.

She went on to tell of what exactly he did and how he use to touch all three of us when swimming in our pool. My sister has struggled with healing from her experiences her whole life.

I still have no memory of any of it.

In recalling all of this, I wondered if maybe I buried memories from this life to save myself from what my sister is still struggling to heal. I honestly don’t think that he did to me what he did to her, but I have feelings that do not make sense from that time in my life. I also have huge gaps in my memory from that time in my life.

Connecting the Dots

Beliefs and feelings were obvious to me. It was like a flood of information, as if all the weeks of deep sleep and healing were finally revealed.

Love is painful. Men are not to be trusted. It was my fault, so I should be punished.

There are other false beliefs but these are the main ones. The last, especially, is troublesome because it is the last belief that continues the cycle.

My guidance has long told me, “You are special”. It was repeated this morning. This time, however, I understood why. This phrase was often spoken to me when I was molested by my father in the first life in this cycle. Everything that happened after was associated with that phrase. That is why I always retract from it and experience fear when I hear it. I always think, “I am NOT special.” I don’t want to be special because to be special means accepting what happened to me and what I was – which was “bad”. In that lifetime I felt I was being punished – by my father and by God – but I had no idea what I had done wrong.

It was reiterated that none of it was my fault and that I need not be punished any longer. The emotions from that and the other lifetime resurfaced. Emotions of confusion of a child who loved his/her parents unconditionally only to suffer at their hands. Despite all of their mistreatment of me, I still loved them. I love them so much that I assumed it was not their fault but my own.

I was reminded that I reject love from others; I do not allow myself to be loved fully. Love is fully trusting in another. It is placing all of yourself in their hands. I refuse to do that. If I cannot do that, I cannot become Whole.

This wound is the last big hurdle I face in the path to Wholeness. I asked why I had not just healed it on the Other Side between lives. It was explained that when we are Home we are separated from much of the experience of the pain, so we cannot fully heal our wounds unless we are in the physical where they originated. When I return to the physical the pattern continues – I feel I should be punished and so I am. And it was never my fault to begin with.

 

 

 

 

 

by

Three Dreams and Another ReUnion

Last night the energy sludge shifted a bit and with it came an intense third-eye pulling sensation that came and went until I went to bed. I should have known this sudden chakra activity indicated a change was coming since I have had barely any chakra and energy activity for over a week now.

When I went to bed I felt Them and acknowledged their presence. I was greeted with a message reminding me that I had been chosen for Contact. I did not react but just acknowledged the message and then asked to Remember more of what was going on in my dreams. This was granted. I asked what would happen and was told, “It’s a surprise.” Too tired to react to Them, I fell asleep.

Dream: Golden Key Ring

I had numerous dreams. In this one, I was in a huge high school with more people than I can imagine would ever been in any high school. In fact, it did not even resemble a high school but more like an elaborate convention hall with numerous rooms and cathedral ceilings covered in gold leaf embellishments. Every staircase was a grand one and every level was filled with people milling about. The excitement was palpable.

I was led around and followed without resistance because I felt out of my element and was confused a little as to where I was and who was with me. I met with some “freshmen” and remembered that I was a “sophomore”. I walked with a young girl for a while until our paths diverged and then I found myself standing at the entrance to a grand event hall.

In the entrance was a podium and a man took me to it and pointed out a woman who was quite short and did not look human but kind of like a disfigured dwarf. Her head was misshapen and in my memory now all I see is a golden blob as her head. The man stayed and handed me a golden key ring. I took it and looked over the many keys on it. Each was an elongated, golden heart. As I fiddled with them a discussion began about practicing self-protection. I was questioned about whether I had ever fired a gun. I said, “Yes, silly. I’ve shot all kinds of guns.” I mentioned firing an AK-47 and M-1 Carbine. Memory of doing this was vivid in my mind at the time (in reality I did fire these guns and many others).

Satisfied that I knew how to use a gun, discussion began about using a knife and I recall seeing a golden knife thrown a the podium. I admitted I had no experience in this. The man pointed to the dwarf woman and said she would instruct me.

Dream: Too Much Jewelry

In this dream I had been awakened before dawn and saw my husband had left the front yard in a mess and deposited a huge pile of dirt in the middle of the lawn. I began to go out and clean up what I could but decided not to. It was his mess.

When I went inside I had been presented with gifts, so many I lost count. I began to try and organize them. There were trays upon trays of silver jewelry. I put them on the table next to the bed and hid some underneath. A friend of mine from high school joined me and asked me about them. I tried to give her a tray of some of the more normal jewelry but she declined. I remember some of the trays were full of hoops and rings and others of jewelry that were of symbols I did not recognize.

Dream: Three Boys and a Kiss

All I recall of this dream is seeing three young men. They all seemed to glow with energy. I kissed one of them and it felt very, very real. When I kissed him the feeling I got was that it was not allowed and that I was not following orders. I did not feel anything energetically from the kiss.

Interpretations

Honestly, there is so much symbolism here that I am a bit blown away. The feeling is that something is about to change and I am preparing for it. The golden keys in the first dream represent status and one’s adaptability to a changing situation. The guns and knives seem to indicate a need to learn to protect myself or an alertness to potential danger.

The jewelry symbolizes one’s own self-worth and knowledge. The fact that it is given as a gift indicates acknowledgement of  and incorporation of knowledge. I am feeling overwhelmed by having so much jewelry (knowledge) and am trying to organize it and even gave some of it away. Seems like I am trying to figure out how to handle what is coming to me.

The last dream indicates a need to be more open and honest with my feelings and emotions. There may be a better way to express them.

Overall there is a sense of smaller groups connecting to form larger ones. I feel I and many others have been doing quite a bit of preparing behind-the-scenes. It feels like another ReUnion is approaching or in process.

by

Message: Decide!

I’m still sleeping very, very deep. So deep, that when I wake I am so drowsy that I fall instantly back to sleep, which is uncommon for me. And I am still waking up at 5:00-5:30am. I really, really am hating it right now because I am soooo tired.

Decide! 

Despite being so tired and sleeping extremely deeply, I am having numerous, vivid dreams and also still waking up several times a night. In one instance, I awoke from being jolted by energy that literally made me jump. I don’t think it was my physical body that jumped, but that doesn’t matter – it all feels the same to me. With the jolt of energy came someone saying, “Decide!”

Being as tired as I was, I only briefly wondered what it was all about and then passed back out into dream land.

Dream: Teacher Workshop and Giving Readings

Then I was sitting in a large cafeteria with so many others I lost count. I quickly remembered I was at a workshop and that I was among teachers and staff. I was sitting next to a man with medium brown hair and the tables reminded me of those at an elementary school – much too small for adults.

I remember seeing the agenda. The workshop lasted all day! It became evident to me that it had gone over its allotted time. The suggested change in time was a three hour delay. For some reason I felt this was caused by me. I remember discussing the schedule change with the man sitting next to me and told him I planned to leave at 9am even though it would not be over. The agenda is very vivid in my mind even now.

Then I was speaking with a man who was at least a foot taller than me with medium brown hair and a light complexion. All I remember now is that he asked me, “So you aren’t working now?” I said to him, “No. I have lots of time on my hands.” There is memory of a discussion in which he asked me if I would stay in Dallas (this was where the workshop was) and I said I wished I could but I have a family, etc and needed to get back to them.

Instantly I shifted back to the cafeteria and was speaking to two young women. I gave them both readings and then found out they were not as old as I had thought – still teenagers. I remember feeling worried they would tell their parents and I would get into trouble because they were minors. I explained this to them and one wanted my business card. I gave it to her and felt better for some reason.

Discussion

I woke up and it was 5:30am. Instantly memory of the jolt of energy and the dream came to me. I asked what the “Decide!” demand was for. Decide what? Then I felt it was being asked of me to get me to figure out if I wanted to focus on living or dying. In hearing this I did not hesitate. I am not interested in staying in life, no matter how “exciting” my guides try to make it, it is just not as wonderful as the spiritual side and unless they can somehow merge the two, this physical existence is just not enough.

Dream: End of the Road

Somehow I fell back to sleep briefly, which is odd because I was wide awake. I entered instantly into a dream where I was discussing a destination. There were two, one in CA and the other in TX.

Then I was in a car and driving very, very fast on a four or five lane highway. I kept thinking I was in LA for some reason.

It was like a video game. The speed was so fast I clung to the steering wheel for dear life. I tried to stay in the far right lane where I would slow down to 60mph. But then I would end up jerked back to the fast lane every time. Once, in the fast lane, a car zoomed in front of me and side swiped the concrete barrier and kept going. I nearly did as well and felt as if I were somehow following this fast car. Strangely, there weren’t many cars on the highway, just mine, the reckless driver and a woman in a car that stayed in the slow lane.

I finally stayed in the slow lane and the woman remained behind me, adjusting her speed for me as needed. I watched as the road wound around unfamiliar terrain. I remember thinking, “I wish I knew this road.”

Then the road turned to the right and I saw it turned to gravel. I slowed way down and then stopped my car completely and got out. The woman followed me.

The road had large boulders and I carefully walked through them as it sloped upward. That is when I noticed the road dead ended at what appeared to be a semi truck. A large, silver ramp met the road. I stood upon it and looked inside the truck. It appeared to be completely furnished with mahogany shelves filled with books, side tables, lamps and several nice sofas. It was huge! It did not resemble any truck I had ever been inside of.

A woman was standing inside and taking tickets and money from other travelers who came in from behind me. I had never noticed them, but there were quite a few. In listening to their conversations, I learned that this truck took people to several destinations. The woman who had been following me stated hers and boarded the truck. I was asked what my destination was. I couldn’t remember but I saw in my mind an ocean port with beautiful, crystal blue waters and white sand beaches. I kept thinking my destination was in CA but then thought, no it was Jalisco. Confused, I thought for a moment Jalisco was in Texas but knew that was wrong.

Then I told the woman I had sent my children ahead of me but their truck did not look anything like this one. I had a vivid memory of doing so, too. I remember their truck was plain inside – like a real truck. I felt I was a very bad mother for sending my children away. The woman said, “I’m sure they got there safe and sound.”

Discussion

I awoke with this song in my head:

So much went through my mind this morning, that I can’t even share it all. I will say that I was asked to think of when I felt most alive in this life. There were two specifics times I recalled:

  1. My first experience teaching in a public school. I was so in love with my job and my students that I got to work every day more than an hour early. My favorite lessons were teaching my students how to meditate and how to go inward to learn about themselves (introspection).
  2. My first years giving readings – mediumship, psychic, medical intuition, spirit guide, etc. The feeling is indescribable. There is no feeling that has yet compared to how I feel during and after giving a reading in which I have connected with Spirit and given the sitter proof that their loved ones continue on and are always with them.

I have neither of these two things in my life now. I made it clear to my guides that as a mother I cannot – will not – put my own wants and needs above those of my children. That is the burden that comes with being a mother. Yet at the same time I feel utterly and completely without purpose.

by

A Dream and a Name

In this dream I was at a gym preparing for a group class. The instructor came in and had us all grab barbells. For some reason I grabbed two very small dumbbells to do push-ups and then realized we were going to do something else, so dropped them only to find all the barbells were taken. The instructor then had us line up very close, holding our barbells. Then we were attached to one another by clips. The result was that we appeared as a human grid.

Our assignment was to run a route in pairs. We would be carrying a barbell between us and our fuel was an assortment of tea.

As my partner and I ran together, we far outpaced the rest of the group. The route was a dirt path among rolling hills covered in tall, green grass. The view from the top of the hill was spectacular and my partner and I sprinted down the hill together at a high speed. I remember looking behind us and seeing our group shrink as the distance between us increased. I remember feeling intense joy and pride at our accomplishment.

Then we reached the bottom of the hill and our speed dramatically decreased. We slowly made our way to what appeared to a be a large temple or shrine made out of light gray stone. There were paved roads that meandered around green patches of grass dotted with flowers and surrounded by short hedges.

I noticed our ration of tea bags was almost gone and we were nearly out of water. How could we ever get to the finish line without our fuel? I decided to put several tea bags in our last remaining water. My partner said, “Wouldn’t that make the tea too strong?” I said yes and explained I liked it that way. There remained three gray tea bags of Oolong tea.

This is when the others in our group began to catch up to us. One pair passed us and I noticed they were on a tandem bicycle. That is when I realized my partner and I were on two separate bicycles.

As we made our way toward the main road, my partner wanted to take a different route. I hesitated but then followed him since both routes led to the same destination. As we pedaled down the path, I saw two police officers rounding up some children who did not follow the directions and were off track. I remember thinking I was glad I was not one of them.

path

Dream Interpretation

The dream is suggestive of not working with my counterpart toward our common goal. There is a separation that exists, symbolized by the separate bicycle when we should be on a tandem bike. Tea is symbolic of life satisfaction and taking one’s time in regards to a relationship. Not only is tea our “fuel” and we are running low but our speed slows down significantly.

In-Between Communication

Prior to waking from this dream, I found myself in a discussion with an online friend. We were talking about desire and her lack of it and my sudden increase of it. I pointed out my partner, who appeared much as he did in past lucid dreams though he was quite a distance away in this particular lucid moment. I remember telling her, “I don’t have any issue with it (desire) now.” She had said something like, “My partner and I do not have any interest in each other anymore.”

She then said to me, “If you want to be with him why don’t you initiate?” I said, “I don’t know. I just don’t want to.” I remember looking at my partner from a distance and thinking I would like him to come over where we were standing.

That is when I became lucid in the in-between and my Companion was close. I knew he wanted me to do what he normally did in our past encounters. He wanted me to initiate our connection. My first thought was, “How? I don’t know how.” Yet I could feel my heart chakra active. It felt like my entire chest was a mass of solid energy. My third eye was also active.

There was recognition then that I preferred to be the pursued, not the pursuer. In fact, all my life I have never once pursued anyone other than one boyfriend in high school who took my advances to mean I wanted to jump right in bed with him. This was not the case and I quickly withdrew. I discovered that if I showed any interest in a man (meaning just being nice to them or friendly) it was misconstrued to mean I wanted to have sex with them. So I quickly learned to remain distant and let them pursue me. If I was interested then I would accept. It I was not, I would ignore them or straight out tell them to back off. It really sucked for me to be this way because I prefer men to women as friends yet I could never have a male friend because they always wanted it to go beyond friendship. 😦

That is when I was straight out told that I needed to reverse this role. I needed to pursue what I wanted. If I wanted sex, then I need to initiate it. If I wanted the heart connection, then I needed to initiate it. There is nothing wrong with wanting either. It is my right, my decision.

But I fear the rejection that goes with it. I recognized this fear right away.

That is when I recall hearing myself ask my Companion, “What is your name?” I heard myself reply, “Allen”. This brought me to full wakefulness and I remember hearing an entire name, “Richard Allen” but I can’t remember the last name now. Then I could not remember my own name and it took me quite some time to remember it.

As I lingered in bed, trying to get a grip on reality, I had a vivid vision of an orange cat. It was very obviously dead.

 

orangecat