Tag Archives: dream analysis

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Bear, John

The “dry spell” continues. Communication and connection with my Companion, guides and Team is almost nonexistent. I can initiate communication with my Companion and he will respond but he feels so very distant and the connection so weak that I wonder if it is real or if I am desperately making it up so that I feel better. Similarly, very few energy fluctuations are occurring. I only have occasional pulling and buzzing sensations around my head. These come and go and seem insignificant compared to past sensations. There is no indication that this will end, ether. Finally, there has been no contact with my Team/Council in some time. This doesn’t bother me, really, but it coincides with a cessation of channeled messages.

Last night I initiated contact with my Companion because I have been especially struggling this last week with low energy, lack of motivation, an overall hopeless disposition and an empty, disconnected feeling. I recognize that during this time I must travel this “road” seemingly alone, as it is my life to live. The tools have been given to me, I just need to use them. I try and feel I am doing much better than in the past, but it is so very hard to maintain the inner calm when I feel so disconnected from Source.

I was reminded to stay focused on paving a “new road” for myself, which I am doing with a new business venture. I recognize that if I want to change my life, I have to change my habits and step outside my comfort zone. This is especially hard and I feel like I am drawing straws. I heard a Christmas song in my head and the phrase, “Slow and steady wins the race”. The latter is in reference to me feeling I need to do everything all at once. I do not like having  a long “to do list” left unfinished, something this new business venture has me doing quite often while I tend to my children and daily family responsibilities. The former seems to be a reminder that the pay-off will be worth it in the end. I sure hope so.

Bear, John

Before bed I appealed to my Companion, asking for more connection and reassurance. It was granted.

I had a dream in which my mother told me that a teacher friend of hers quit his job unexpectedly. I remember telling her, “Sounds like he awakened”. She agreed.

We walked into a cafeteria-like setting where many older people were seated. I saw my mother’s friend but “he” turned out to be a “she”. She was short, probably only 5ft tall, and wearing a red robe. Her hair was cut short and she reminded me of a monk, except that she was female.

She invited me to sit down, so I did. She turned to me and then began to channel a message for me from my Companion. As she spoke, she was simultaneously drawing something on a piece of paper.

Her message is lost to me now but I recall the gist of it. The message was that I was not alone and to be patient. This break will not last forever. I am loved and cherished and forever connected to Source, even if I do not sense it at this time.

When the woman was finished channeling, she showed me what she had drawn. I saw a perfect portrait of the face of a man with a short beard and piercing eyes. She said to me, “Bear, John”. I remember seeing that the man had what appeared to be a large, grizzly bear blended into his hair, almost like a bear hat but the way it was drawn, the bear and the man were one.

I recognized, instantly, who the man was. I also recognized the significance of the bear.

I began to sob in the dream and could not stop crying. The crying woke me up and my eyes were still wet. I was aware of my Companion close by and my body was covered in loving energy. I felt to be wrapped in his embrace.

I connected hibernation with the bear and this made me sad. I don’t want to hibernate.

Prayer Book

Saddened by the message, I fell back to sleep and into another dream. In this dream I was walking through a library. A woman bumped into me and turned and said, “Excuse you” in a rude way. I got angry and began to yell at her, wanting to say, “You bumped into me!” but instead said, “Oh sorry, I tripped”.

I continued to talk, but quietly as if to myself, saying I was looking for a book my friend left me. I located it on the bottom shelf. It said, “Prayer Book” and was a small, maybe 8in square, and white and not very thick.

I sat on the floor and opened up the book. A woman was suddenly there with me and I told her, “A friend of mine left me a message”. I pulled out a hand written note tucked inside the pages. I do not remember what the hand written note said now. I just remember there was an entire story scrawled in ink with notes and pictures.

The dream ended and I awoke and knew the hand written note was Psalm’s 7.

Feeling sad still, I saw in my mind’s eye, “30 days”. This made me even more sad because I interpreted it to mean 30 days of “rest”. 30 days of feeling how I feel right now. If I have only felt this way for a little over a week, that leaves a very long time to go.

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A New Twist on Dreams

I had a string of very vivid dreams last night. I also slept through the night without waking.

Aftermath

In this dream I recall fleeing some kind of battle or war. I ended up in the mountains. I could see the valley below with a stream or river running through it. The colors are interesting here. The grass seemed tinged with blue and the terrain was rocky, colored in grays and pinks. It was as if someone painted it in watercolor. It did not seem like Earth.

I was with a group on the side of the mountain looking down. We joined another group who was struggling to survive. I remember helping them figure out ways to find food. The environment was harsh; going out at night very dangerous and during the day the only food was small, edible plants which were hard to find.

The group lived in a home with glass walls overlooking the valley below. I remember standing in a room looking down into the valley and discussing the plan of action: create snares in hopes of catching an animal. Problem was we would have to go out at night to set them.

We went out at night and this is when I remember seeing the tiger. It was stalking us. I yelled out in alarm and one of the group members lunged at it. The dream ended.

tiger

Crumbling Bathroom

This next dream was of a bathroom. I walked inside and it resembled exactly the bathroom I used in my mother’s house for much of my youth. It was in disrepair, though, the sheet rock exposed and crumbling about two feet from the ceiling. The pipes were leaky and there was a feeling that the whole ceiling would collapse at any moment.

I saw a woman – blonde, kind of overweight – and told her, “I’m not going in there. It is going to cave in any minute”.

I spent much of this dream analyzing why this bathroom was falling apart and how. I figured out that the whole floor had shifted down and caused the gap at the ceiling. I can still see the bathroom in such vividness. It resembled the bathroom before it was renovated – pink wallpaper and yellowing tiles. Very 1980s. It literally looked like someone was demolishing it piece by piece.

Walburg

This was the final dream. I was driving my ex-husband’s black, Nissan pickup truck. It was the truck we owned together when we were first married. I remembered it in every detail down to the custom made seat covers and gray dashboard.

I was going somewhere on a road trip. I recall entering a small town and thinking, “Something is going to happen”. I had a feeling that I could accept whatever happened. I could accept a delay and stay if need be.

I stopped in a parking lot near a creek. When I tried to turn the truck back on it made an odd noise and then nothing happened. The engine would not roll over yet the truck still had power and the radio still played.

I thought, “Great. Guess I am staying a while”.

An older man came up and asked me if I needed help. I said I did and he immediately began to look at the engine. I waited, fumbling with my clothes. I was not wearing any pants and was trying to find some shorts but they seemed way too small.

The man came around and told me that it was this piston-like thing that needed repair. He showed me a picture of the entire engine layout but it was too detailed for me to understand what he wanted me to look at. He said the part was inexpensive and that he would get it fixed. I was happy and thanked him.

I went inside the store I was parked at. There were rows upon rows of DVDs for rent. It reminded me of the old school rental places in the small town I grew up in. I knew though that I was in Walburg, not my hometown.

Up at the front counter I began talking to the clerk. Outside the window I saw buzzards jumping and fighting for scraps of some food. I pointed at them and looked out the glass door for a better view. There was this lone red hawk being bullied by the buzzards. I said, “Look! There is a hawk! They are trying to get him! He has a sharp beak, they better watch out!”. Sure enough, the hawk attacked and kept the buzzards at bay. I felt bad for the hawk, though. He seemed unable to fly.

I then noticed there were peach and pear trees all around the store. The peaches were ripe and I said, “You should pick those!” They were huge and looked delicious. We went outside and the clerk picked them. He gave me one and I took a bite and then ate the whole thing. It was so juicy!

I then entered this other building and a woman was behind a register. I browsed what appeared to be book but I don’t quite remember. There were two girls and one got in trouble and the woman was making her clean up a mess. I watched and the girls were passing notes. I intercepted one and read it. It said, “I love you” then in different handwriting, “I love you, too”. I was touched and told the woman who said, “Read the back”. I did, but can’t remember now what it said.

The last thing I remember in this dream was deciding I wanted to stay in Walburg.

A New Twist

Though these dreams are “normal” for the most part, there is a big difference here. Though I do not specifically remember this from a particular dream in this sequence, I recall seeing high above me two beings. They were floating and semi-transparent. They appeared gray, like ghosts, and we observing each of my dreams.

What is even stranger here is that I recognized one of these beings to be me. The other was my Companion.

It is very obvious to me now that these dreams were created for the other me, the one experiencing the dreams. The observer me was learning about the other me by watching how I reacted to the scenarios I was presented with. I recall the conclusion made by the observer me: I was not resisting what was being shown but accepting of and open to the lessons. I was noting symbols as they appeared. Symbols such as the tiger, the peaches, the buzzards, the hawk, the truck, the bathroom, the letter with the message of love. All of these things were noted by the observer and the experiencer.

Upon waking I knew what the dreams represented.

The war zone was a memory of some other time and/or experience. The bathroom was symbolic of the breaking down of my distant past; a healing of this time in my life. The Walburg dream is also healing of the past, specifically with my ex. I was wiling to accept this past and love myself despite the “mistakes” I made.

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Dream: Back to School

The “back to school” theme returns to my dreams. I wonder what I am missing? Why does this theme continually come up?

Back to School

In this particular dream I was returning to school and once again at the college level. Prior to going I was trying to decide what to wear, putting on different outfits. I wanted to wear white but the shirts I chose all had small stains on them. Eventually I just decided to wear one with a yellowish stain despite worries about how I might look. Unfortunately, it caused me to miss the school bus.

I entered the school building, walked up to a table of students and sat down. The teacher looked at me and raised her eyebrow. I knew she had not seen me in in class before. I had not been attending. My schedule had been changed and my 1st period was Dance. I watched as some of the students practiced their moves. I felt out of my element. I cannot dance.

I got up to use the bathroom because, well, I wanted to waste time since I knew nothing about how to dance. The teacher sent me a questioning look and I sent back a look that said, “I have to go”. I didn’t know where the bathroom was at first, but followed signs. Inside was a room full of technological devices. I found I was carrying a large speaker. I took it and sat down on it. Another student began talking to me. We had a conversation about singers and types of music. I said all music was the same and the student disagreed.

We were soon discussing genres of music and I was again at the table where my class was gathered. I suggested a project: We all listen to music completely opposite of what we normally do. I said, “For example, if you listen to Whitney Houston then you will listen to George Strait” My theory was that if you did this willingly then eventually you would enjoy the other music and see why others would like it. I was very excited about the assignment.

Class was over and we dispersed. I did not know my schedule and tried to locate it on my phone but couldn’t log in. I went up to the admin offices and asked a woman and she pointed up to the screen above her head which was of the campus website. She said it was there and told me to log in. I told her I couldn’t and she said try again. So I did, and got my schedule right away.

My next class was Economics.

Reluctantly I went to class. I sat next to the other students and noticed they were all waiting. The teacher was late. What is odd here is that we were all lounging about on sofas and cushioned chairs in a lobby area, not in a classroom.  I told someone, “I don’t like this class”. I was asked why and said, “Too much politics involved”. I also remember saying I had already taken it, that I could understand it but just didn’t like it as a subject.

When the teacher finally arrived he was older and very casual. Everyone liked him and I began to feel more comfortable.

Interpretation

When I woke up I immediately had the urge to quit my job. It caused all kinds of thoughts to materialize and I felt confused as to what to do. If I leave my job then what will I do for a living? What is it about my job I dislike? What can I do to perhaps try to resolve the situation without leaving my job? Which part of me wants to leave and which part wants to stay? What is the best decision?

When the thoughts went away, I began to hear Pearl Jam’s, Daughter. I awoke to this song about a week ago when having similar considerations about career. The specific part of the song: “Don’t call me daughter, not fit to, the picture kept will remind me”. Why was I hearing this song?

The dream above seems to indicate that I was struggling with a decision that affects my family’s finances. There is an idea that I have to “try something new” as indicated by listening to a new type of music, one opposite of what I would normally listen to. The speaker is indicative of me wanting to be heard.

The rest of the dream suggests that I am avoiding class – dance class being learning to let go and enter a new stage of life; economics being symbolic of money and money-related lessons in life.

Interestingly enough, “class” itself indicates a fear of failure.

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Dream: Ship Drop

Fitful night of sleep last night. I have been having tons of pulling/pressure in various locations on my head. It feels like a vortex of energy pulling and makes the hairs on those parts of my head stand up. I suspect this pressure is continued work by my guides to help me adapt to the Higher aspect infiltration.

Ship Drop

Lots of odd dreams but this one is the most interesting. In it, I was aboard a large, ship. It was so huge that two football stadiums could fit inside! I was led into an auditorium-type room with long tables horizontal to one another. It reminded me of a military mess hall. The walls were steel gray in color and made of metal. Everything seemed to have the same gray coloring as the walls, even the tables we sat at.

I was waiting, feeling a bit out of my element and not knowing exactly what was going on. I was sitting with a small group and there were row upon rows of empty tables. There was a small group of maybe five people. These were the only other people I saw and they were quite a distance away. Two of them were complaining of how they could not get together (sexually). They had just been reunited after a long time apart and wanted to get reacquainted but the rules were that we were to wait aboard this ship until we were dropped at our destination.

At this point it was as if I was receiving instructions about what was coming next. In my mind I experienced what I was being told, but in reality I was just sitting at my table, listening. What I saw/experienced in my mind was us stripping our clothing off – we had to be naked – and getting into line to be dropped from the ship. I then experienced a falling sensations and saw below me a group of islands comes into focus. I, with my group, landed in the water and then swam to the nearest island. When we reached the island I felt a sense of relief and happiness as the beach seemed to rise up and greet us.

I had questions: How would I make such a long swim? I then saw an inner tube materialize. I then said, “I will get sunburned”. There was no answer to that, almost like it was a ridiculous concern. I spoke with the person giving me the instructions about the “plan”. I knew the drop was to be over the Hawaiian Islands at the island of Oahu. Yet I did not pronounce the island that way. I said something like, “Ohapuana” or something like that. But our final destination was the Big Island but I kept calling it “Miami” for some reason and this confused me but I could not figure out why in the dream. There was a discussion about changing the drop location so we could get to the Big Island easier. I remember saying the name, “Rusty Boyston” to someone but I have no idea who he is.

We then lined up to prepare for the drop. I took a detour to the bathroom and rushed to rejoin my group. I worried I would be left behind or not be ready (naked) for the drop.

Then, I became semi-lucid and recall being taken to a room. A door opened and there was this strange, alien-looking creature staring back at me. I startled and then realized it was not an actual alien but rather a suit. It was a mottled green color and the helmet was very large and egg-shaped with a horizontal slit where the eyes should be. It reminded me of a scuba diving suit. I recognized it was only a suit and felt better. That is when I awoke.

Interpretation

I suspect this dream is a symbolic representation of instructions I received during sleep. The ship at first appeared to be a ship for water but the dream revealed it was a different kind of ship, one that flew. Hawaii is likely symbolic of the reward waiting for me at the end of my journey. The nakedness could be me feeling vulnerable but I think it is symbolic of the stripping away of all the old in preparation for the coming changes.

All in all, I feel the dream was answers to questions I have been asking my guides about what is happening with me and what the end result will be. There appears to be a link to E.T.s and my fear of them. I seem to be accepting their existence more and more.

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Questioning

My purification is soon to conclude and my Companion has moved in a bit closer, initiating communication with me in the evenings. There is a bit of a disconnect still ongoing and it was explained to me that I have shifted from a heart focus to a mind focus. I recognized this to be true and attempted to center in my heart but found it difficult as my mind continued to drift back to pressing issues that it seems not able to let go of this last week. In my exhaustion I eventually drifted in and out of sleep.

I also received a message that I would have more intense and dramatic dreams. As if to illustrate this point, during the first minutes of sleep I was awakened suddenly from a dream in which I observed the execution of several people. I saw their heads explode and it startled me awake.

I have had so many dreams last night that I am not sure where to start or what to focus upon so I will recount on the most recent of them.

It is Well

The last dream I recall was of me driving with a woman toward a destination I don’t recall. She stopped at her house on the way. I looked out the window and saw a very dilapidated house in disrepair. It stood out amidst the very pristine neighborhood it was located in.

I watched the woman go inside and attempted to peek in and see if the inside was like the outside. I got a glimpse of a modern, updated house and assumed they were renovating the place. The woman walked up to the window and looked out at me. What was weird is that the window had that tint on it that appeared like a mirror to all on the outside looking in. So I saw her as a reflection. I knew this was wrong. I shouldn’t be seeing her at all and this confused me. I did not think more on it and headed into the house.

Inside I saw a sparsely decorated space with sleek lines and mostly light pine furniture with no cushions. I headed into a large room where many people were gathered. The woman who had driven me to the house was in front of the group talking about plans and I was distinctly aware that I had walked into a church meeting.

The group began to sing and I joined in. They were singing, It is Well With My Soul. I knew the song and enjoyed singing it very much. I sang loudly and could hear my voice rise above the voices of the others. I felt wonderful.

The singing stopped and the woman began to talk about a fundraiser that was suppose to have been planned for Halloween. I was suppose to have begun working on it and I recall that the fundraiser was selling pumpkins. It was to start in September but I had not started working on it yet. I felt ashamed because it was August and I had done nothing.

The woman then explained to the group that it was a sin to have sexual relationships outside of marriage. I felt completely out of place at that point and began to leave. I was asked why I was leaving and I said, “I have three children. It is obvious that I have had sex many times” and I laughed.

As I attempted to leave I felt to be followed and began to look for my glasses. I picked up a pair on the table but the prescription was wrong and they were tinted. I was able to see more clearly than with my own glasses, though. I remember putting them down and leaving.

I began to question the dream at this point and started to focus in on the people who were all around me. I saw the faces of men and women, all strangers to me, and they were all looking at me like they were waiting for me to do something. I recognized that I was dreaming then and began to try and move into the crowd of people and take control of the dream. I began to feel myself moving back into my body. This is when I woke up, the song I had been singing still vivid in my mind.

Questioning

The dream seems to go along with how I have been feeling in life lately. I have been questioning everything that has been happening to me spiritual since last summer. A full year has passed and though I have gone through some miraculous spiritual changes, I still feel very much like I did last summer. There is an incompleteness and a nagging feeling that I am missing something, but I don’t know what.

I also have a strong desire to leave my job. I attempted to listen to my heart about it last night and when I recognized that it was in my best interest to leave the job, my mind took over and made it almost impossible to remain centered because it was freaking out. I seem unable to control my mind no matter how hard I try. Thankfully, a strange inner calm remains despite the mental pushing going on and this keeps me from overreacting and doing something prematurely. Every time I think I have made a decision about my job I get pulled in the other direction. I feel like a yo-yo.

It very much seems that right now the New me is working hard to control the wild, out of control horse (Ego, human personality). Right now, the method of control is merely holding back the horse while it lashes and bucks in an attempt to remove the intruder. There is not much else that can be done until the horse calms down and recognizes its attempts are getting it nowhere. Then, when the horse is calm and submissive, movement forward can be made.

So the message is clear that no decision can be made in my current state. I am okay with this. I can have either option available to me and recognize that I need to be open to possibility right now. Though I do not know what is coming up next, I have faith that all will work out as it is intended.

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Preparing for the Next Stage

I am on day 12 of my purification and am feeling excellent except that I am now struggling to fall asleep at night. I blame the extra energy I have for that.

At this stage I am not noticing too many toxins and chemicals being released. There are occasional muscle twitches in my back and one nostril will stop up randomly, but other than that, nothing. I suspect the muscle twitches result from a release of tension in my back from all the time in the sauna. The stopped up nose could be allergies or maybe the nasal spray I used for so long through each of my three pregnancies.

I now look forward to the running and to the Niacin flush as it turns on full force in the midst of my runs.  I forgot how freeing it can be to run for long periods of time. Yesterday I did not want to stop running and actually extended my running time to 35 minutes. 🙂 I also find myself daring the Niacin to do its worst during my run. I kind of have the “no pain, no gain” idea going on. That is just how I am, though. I love to push my body to its limits. I also strongly believe that one’s mindset makes all the difference. Long ago I decided, “I control my body, my body doesn’t control me”.

Sleep Changes

As I mentioned already, falling asleep has become a challenge with all the extra energy I have. It takes me about 2 hours to fall asleep when before it would take literally minutes. I am also now waking up more frequently in the night like I did prior to starting the purification. I suspect my body has adjusted to the new routine and the increase in vitamins and minerals. I also find it interesting that these sleep patterns go hand-in-hand with the solar flare activity lately, which has been off the charts.

I awoke this morning from a very realistic dream in which I had accidentally killed a man and deciding if I should confess or try and hide it. I went to the police station and told the officer of my crime and he filled in a sheet. He left for a long time and I began to fret and worry if I had done the right thing. I ended up sneaking out the back door and running. The whole time I was escaping I knew that it was pointless as all the evidence pointed to me. I thought of all my options, even suicide, but recognized I had to take responsibility for my actions.

When I woke from this dream it was still very real to me and I had to reorient myself to present time. I literally awoke feeling I needed to prepare myself for a long stent in jail. Ha! I then recalled that while I was hiding from the law I was mowing a lawn and doing yard work. How odd!

Spiritual Changes – Preparing for the Next Stage

Yesterday, while in the sauna, I felt the familiar energy helmet sensation come on for a minute or so and then vanish. It happened again an hour or so later and now is just barely noticeable again.

I spend most of my sauna time reading Science Fiction books, so it is rare that I notice anything going on with my body/mind because I am so engrossed in my reading. I am currently reading, A Darkling Sea by James Cambias (great book!). Reading passes the time and keeps me from fixating on just how hot it is in the sauna (168 degrees).

Yesterday I would be pulled out of my reading by the strange helmet energy or a sudden thought unrelated to my reading. My guide would respond to my thoughts, which he hasn’t been doing for some time. He again communicated with me last night prior to bed saying to me, “You are large” and sending me a mental visual of my energy (aura) expanding way past my normal six to eight feet around my body. I was white and expansive and felt this body to be so very small. He then said, “You will remember again” when a memory of the amazing things I have experienced caused me to long for more. I asked if this meant that my “rest” was over, and he said, “Not just yet. We will ease you into it”. I know I am nearing completion of my purification, so this is likely why I am again receiving communication.

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Universal Consciousness Revisited

Despite deep sleep last night, I had some interesting dreams in which I was being led into an understanding of upcoming shifts in consciousness. I awoke, in fact, with an image of the Earth in front of me. It was spinning on its axis and the continents were visible. I then saw pinpricks of light begin to pop up in one area, expand outward in a blue grid pattern and then move to the next continent in the same manner. Eventually, all of Earth was lit up with this blue communication network. Seeing this woke me up and I heard, “universal consciousness”. I understood that an event was soon to come in which those ready for a consciousness upgrade would experience a linking with one another at a very deep level; a Oneness. This, of course, would come with a Remembering of the Self.

Large Earthworms and Tree Root Houses

My dreams were interesting and memorable. The main one began with me at a friend’s house. She was opening her garage and we were getting into the car when I spotted what looked like a large clod of wet dirt. I said, “Watch out for that. What is that?” She said, “Oh, those are just worms”. I looked closer and sure enough it was a glob of snake-sized earthworms.

I saw another clump of these worms before we left and remember wondering why they were so big. We drove right overt he top of one clump even.

On our way we traveled across a desert in the car and other times floating along just above the ground. We came across what appeared to be a hollowed out structure made of rock. It was meant to hold a fire inside and when illuminated resembled a skull. I commented on it and was asked, “What is it for?” I explained that it was meant to illuminate the mind.

We went onward and finally left the desert area and came upon strange structure made of tree roots. The trees appeared to be dead but they weren’t. Upon future inspection the structures resembled houses and I said to my friend, “I could live here!” I went inside. It was perfectly made, trees branches entwined to create the perfect dwelling. I felt so comfortably happy.

Interpretation

I awoke with the vision of earth and a message, “There will be a climax in consciousness”. I tried to ignore it as I did not want to get my hopes up, and tried to sleep. I couldn’t, of course, and eventually got up and wrote down the message.

For me, the dreams encompass the preparation for whatever is about to come. I was being shown a penetration of deeper layers of consciousness (earthworms) and a connection with universal consciousness (tree root houses). I received communication from my guides but it was lost to my mind before I could interpret it. Already, my mind is beginning to blank out in preparation for the coming changes and reception of information is limited to my heart space. it is a feeling of knowing rather than a knowing of knowing. My head is also abuzz with energy and has been for the last few days. However, my focus on my purification has left me so exhausted that I have been pretty much oblivious. I am adjusting, though, which is why I believe I perceived so much upon waking. My body feels to be recovering and rebounding. Yay!

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Dream: Bluejay Turned Cat

I couldn’t fall asleep last night because of a nasty head cold I came down with a couple of days ago. It is funny how this cold works. Through the day I feel fine but then once the evening approaches I begin to get all stopped up and my throat hurts. I can’t sleep with a stopped up nose and sore throat. Nasal spray and Benadryl were my go-to’s but it still took me until midnight to fall asleep.

Bluejay Turned Cat

I was inside a house talking to a parent-figure for some time. The house seemed filled with twilight – the ambiance was calming with a bluish-gray tinge and sparkling energy that was energizing and familiar to me. I never saw who I was speaking to but I knew him.

Suddenly, I saw what appeared to be a large spiderweb covered in dewdrops. It was spectacular looking except that there was a large bluejay trapped in it. The bird was flopping around trying to get free and I watched it, hoping it would succeed. I eventually felt bad for it and stopped my conversation to help free it. However, it freed itself without issue and flew off.

I followed it and found myself walking in the twilight on a beautifully manicured green lawn. Down below was a large lake with cattails and lily pads. There was still an energy and bluish tinge to the air.

I watched as the bird turned into an orange striped cat. He was meandering toward the pond. He would turn into the bluejay ever so often and this did not seem to bother me. To me, they were one in the same.

The cat stopped and seemed to have something around his leg. I went to try and help and he flew (turned bluejay) across the pond to the other side. He then ran out of my sight, again turning into the cat.

I noticed he had dragged something with him across the lake. It was a green extension cord. How odd.

I was speaking with a boy at this time, my other half or twin. We decided we wanted to get the cat and he said the parent person had a boat. I saw it in my mind, a nice, flat bottomed boat. We requested to use it and permission was granted. However, I was afraid I would fall out and explained I had never been in a boat before. I was told I would have to do it without the parent person’s help. I would have to row my way across on my own.

Interpretation

I felt to be in a school situation at this time and much of the conversations I had are lost to me. However, the dream symbolism suggests I have overlooked something (bluejay) and am trying to control my spiritual progression (stuck in web). The bird turns into a cat suggesting that the overlooked aspect is connected to the spiritual feminine, independence, creativity and power. The green cord could be symbolic of connection to the spiritual like the silver cord so often observed in OBEs by others. Green symbolizes healing.

I seem uncertain about how to retrieve what I desire which is to help myself heal and reconnect to my spiritual feminine, independence, creativity and power. It is important to note here that bluejays also can symbolize the mind, body, spirit.

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Dream: Soiled Wedding Gown

I again had a night full of vivid dreams. This time there was a theme. In several of my dreams I was either looking into a toilet or sitting on one and each time there was feces in it that was not mine. Yuck! Both times the feces would not flush even though the water would drain and new water would fill up the toilet.

Soiled Wedding Gown

In this particular dream I was hiding inside a bathroom stall. I say hiding but I am not sure I was doing that, but it felt like I was trying to stay unnoticed. I was sitting on the toilet, preparing to use it, when my dress got into the toilet water. I pulled up on the dress and saw that the white lace had been splattered with tan colored feces.

Grossed out, I attempted to clean it off by using the toilet water but saw that it was full of a very large turd. It was not mine and I did not want it there so I flushed the toilet. The poop remained as if stuck to the bottom of the toilet and I flushed it again. With the second flush, it went down the drain and clean water remained. I used it to clean up the dress but the spots would not completely wash out. I remember thinking, “Oh well, no one will notice”.

I then noticed my baby had found me and this caused me some upset as I wanted to be alone and there he was in my private space!. So, I got up to leave but saw that the entire silk underskirt of the dress had gotten into the water. Thankfully it was the clean water so I just squeezed out the water and went on my way. I remember thinking my dress was ruined but then reconsidering as everything that had been soiled on the dress was from either underneath or at the end of the train.

Interpretation

I awoke from this dream in the midst of an argument between my Ego self and my guide. This part of me was adamantly against the instructions we had recently received. My guide was asking me to listen to my heart and I fell into this space with ease and was immediately calm and knowing. The Ego self got quiet all at once and I understood the dream and the reason for her upset.

The wedding dress was an assessment of a personal relationship, in this case most likely my relationship with my family. The feces indicates areas of my life which I find repulsive and reject. I understand now that I was being shown these areas are still “soiled” and my reaction is that they are not a big deal in comparison to other issues I have had in the past.

The upset in this case was that my instructions are to remain where I am in life and continue to focus on my family while expanding myself spiritually. There was no other work to be done, no specific or exciting projects forthcoming and no relief from the daily grind of life that my Ego self was hoping to have.

It was then that I was taken to a place quite unexpectedly. Standing next to my guide I saw a lush green valley spread out in front and below me.  A river was winding toward the horizon where the sun was low in the sky and there was such magnificent colors that I thought it must be a painting I was in.

My guide said, “Do you see that river?”

I nodded, “Yes”.

He said, “That is your life, your path”.

I looked closer at the river. It was shallow with various higher areas of green grass in between dozens of channels. It appeared almost like a path with various roads which would diverge only to meet up again and then diverge again. There were many, many paths and I knew they were all possible routes I could take.alaska

So many options.

I understood then what he was showing me.

“It is easy”, I said to him. “The river is shallow enough to wade through”.

“Yes”, he confirmed.

“And I can choose to go any route I choose”, I said as I pointed to the paths the river took.

I remembered then my plan prior to this life which was to assist with the ascension. My job is to help others find their way. I do this through my writing and the relationships I have in my day-to-day life. My counseling came into my mind as did my relationship with my children.

I saw then that the other paths were mine to choose. They were not pre-planned. I could do whatever I wanted with the rest of my life. I could fill that time however I chose.

So much possibility but I did not know what I wanted to do. I wish I had planned these paths before coming.

“Whatever path you choose will be the right one. They are all part of your path”, my guide reminded me.

The Ego self wanted more, though. She wanted something grander. She wanted to scream to the world of her gifts, of her “specialness”. To set herself apart from the crowd. But to do that would destroy my purpose completely.

I then understood that I had to blend in; to do my work without being noticed or praised for it. To walk in my human shoes as a human does but with a knowingness of my origins and my purpose tucked inside my pockets.

It is probably the hardest life one could choose to live. It is the ultimate in humility and servitude.

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Dream: 40-Year-Old Virgin

I again experienced the strange separation from my body as the night before, but this time it was only once and I resisted very little. I did resist, though, as the feeling is somewhat disturbing.

Interestingly, I remembered several dreams upon waking. I have determined that the dreams I am remembering are meant to help me with this transition by allowing me, this Earth Self, to play out scenarios and sort through beliefs and worry. Technically, these dreams are doing what psychologists say dreams are meant to do.

40-Year-Old Virgin

One particularly vivid dream I remember occurred this morning and was the last dream I recall having. In this dream, I was inside a small, yellow-lit house, in the kitchen with a man. He was older than me, about 40, and confided in me that he was still a virgin. I remember that at this point in the dream he began to resemble Steve Carell and the movie, “41-Year-Old Virgin” was prominent in my mind. I am not attracted to Steven Carell in the least but in this dream there was an attraction I could feel in my root and second chakras. I recall feeling very alive and vibrant but not being overcome by desire or anything like it. I felt compassion and sympathy toward this man and also felt a very strong connection with him.

The dream seemed at first to be moving toward the sexual. We kissed and touched one another, but it was all very gentle and exploratory – there was no hot and heavy passion or flames of desire. It was like we were getting to know one another and exploring the familiarity that existed between us. It was very much like we were two teenage virgins connecting with the opposite sex for the first time.

I remember deciding that we should stop exploring one another. I was also aware of my middle son being nearby and something about his presence caused me to think of my husband. My relationship with my husband was what caused me to pull back and I remember thinking and saying, “I have to end it with him”. There was such finality in what I said/thought. I also felt to be doing the right thing because I did not want to hurt him or cause him to feel betrayed by me going ahead with another relationship while still in one with him.

At this point there was a knock on the door. It was a friend. I began to busily clean up the living area, sweeping up debris and cleaning off the furniture. I moved upstairs and I overheard the Steven Carell look-alike complaining and reprimanding my son. My stomach flip flopped and I thought to myself, “There is no point in starting a new relationship. They [men] are all the same”. Yet there was recognition that the words being said, the harsh criticism coming out of his mouth, were in fact my own words.

When I went back downstairs I was questioned by my friend, “Where were you? We have been trying to find you since last night”. I realized it was already mid-morning and so I told her, “We fell asleep”. I had a worry that someone would think we had been doing something wrong but then I knew we had not.

Interpretation

When I woke from this dream I thought, “I have to leave him” but it did not scare me and now, as I think about it, I don’t think that is necessarily what the dream means. To dream that someone is a virgin denotes integrity and honesty with one’s self. It suggests that there is an “ideal” that is being sought out in a situation. In this case, within a relationship. So I am looking at what I would like to have versus what is reality. The reality being that I am not innocent in how my relationships turn out. The statement, “I have to leave him” is representative of the Old me, not my actual husband. I have to leave behind the old me, the old habits, beliefs and criticisms, in order to achieve my ideal.

The Steven Carell look-a-like was most likely a version of myself, the me I connected with in order to explore this area of my life.

When I got online to peruse the news I found this article – Heartache for Japan’s Real-Life 40-Year-Old -Virgins. It was the first article I saw and I actually laughed when I saw it.