Tag Archives: dreams

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Embrace Possibility

I have never been a morning person but it has been doubly difficult to get out of the bed in the mornings lately. I was able to get almost 11 hours of sleep last night but it only exacerbated the feeling of not wanting to wake up. It’s like the more sleep I get, the more grumpy I get.

Dream: Class of Millennials

I dreamed that I was attending a mathematics class at a university. This was a very large class, one of the conducted in an auditorium. The students were all much younger than me but I didn’t seem to care. I went to class prepared with all my stuff, backpack and all. What was odd is that I went carrying a bouquet of birthday balloons!

The entire dream it was hard for me to see. The images were more dark impressions, as if the entire dream was in dim lighting. I sat at a desk that was pushed up against others and waited for the professor to arrive. I was feeling very positive but another student sitting next to me was not so positive. She began to make comments like a bully would. I responded by saying, “You millennials are all the same. I’m a Gen-X’er. Do you know any of us?”

She interrupted me with some other snarky comment and laughed at my balloons. “Why are you walking around with birthday balloons?” Laughing, she got others in on her bullying game and they stole my balloons and then let go of them so that they flew away.

Not bothered by this, I turned around to focus on class. Then noticed my notebook was missing. They had taken it, too. I saw a notebook under the chair in front of me and grabbed it but saw it was not mine. I look through another one and still it was not mine. I thought about taking it but then thought otherwise. I did not want to take someone’s hard work. That would be wrong.

Then the entire class was getting into these inflatable swimming pools and having a good old time splashing and partying. I felt very out of place and walked to the door looking back and wondering why they were swimming. I remember thinking it was again something to do with their generation and immaturity associated with it.

I recall a brief moment where I was in a different class, one focused on a science or similar subject where there were formulas that needed to be applied. I took notes and read and re-read them. I remember telling the instructor that I wrote down what he said rather than what I read in our text because what he said always made more sense to me. This class was much smaller, with only four or five students and multiple instructors.

Embrace  Possibility

Upon waking I requested a meeting with my Council to discuss my options. I expressed my exhaustion and disinterest in the things I am being asked to focus upon. Basically, I am being told I can do whatever I want. Right now my focus is on experiencing and so I the choices are mine and options are many. Yet I do not want to do anything and so I am facing yet another conundrum. How do you decide what to do when nothing at all is appealing?

I am being asked to embrace possibility now. It feels like one of those assignments I use to hate in school. The teacher says, “Write a paper”. The students ask, “About what?” The teacher says, “Anything you want”.

I always hated those assignments. Too loose for me. I like defined parameters. I like specifics.

In my waking life my husband is coming down hard on me for not wanting to experience new things. He is pushing, pushing, pushing for me to be more social and go out and do things as a couple. He is encouraging the very thing my Team is. He says to me, “Dayna, LIVE life! Stop being a hermit! Try something new, something different, for a change!”

For example, he wants to go to a football game this Thursday (Thanksgiving) with his brother and wife. He presented it as if it were this great, exciting adventure and all I thought of was crowds of people and a game between teams I care nothing about. The thought of sitting outside in bleachers with crowds of people I don’t know makes me tired just thinking about it. I also have never liked football or team sports for that matter.

All of this pushing both here in the physical and by my spiritual Team is making me angry. I just want to be alone right now. I don’t want to be social. I don’t want to go to public events.

 

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A Visit to Europa

Awoke at 5:30am this morning for my usual “Check-In”. I am getting use to these meeting times and this morning it was welcomed. There was a sense of comfortable acceptance likely left over from the day before.

Dream: A Course on Dreams

The dream scene shifted and I was standing at the door to a class room. A man with dark hair was sitting at a desk reading a paper and drinking coffee. When I saw him it startled me and I began to back out. He asked me, “Are you a new student?”

I replied, “Yes”.

He said, “Ah. Don’t forget to read up on the notes before class”.

I knew this was not my class, though, as I saw an image with his words that showed History notes.

I managed to make it to my classroom that was already filled with students. Without knowing how, I knew the class was on “Dreams” and that we were learning not only how to decipher them but how to create them. I sat down comfortably in my row at my desk next to familiar classmates.

Dream: Obstacle Course

The dream scene shifted again. I was at an obstacle course with my classmates that included holographic images that would be triggered by our movements/actions. I made it through both rounds quickly because I recognized the illusion of the hologram. In one case it was fire that exploded out and threatened to scorch us to death. In the next it was bluish-colored energy balls and deep crevices.

I made 2nd place both times. I remember complaining the last time, “How did I get 2nd? Surely no one beat my time of 20 minutes?” Apparently someone had, though.

Dream: Visiting Europa

I was led away from the obstacle course and to a very different scene. There was a man who led the way. He appeared to me as a dark-haired Shaman-type.

The next thing I recall is being submerged all except the front of my face at my nose and eyes. I floated in warm, clear, shallow water.

At the same instance I was in the water I was also above it surveying the scene. I saw a vast, shallow lake that went as far as the eye could see. The sky was gray and very thick with clouds. The rock appeared volcanic and shiny in places, but everywhere the rock was black except at my feet where it was as river rock.

The lake was divided into circular pools all around me. In each of these pools were people all submerged as I had been. Their eyes closed, they floated motionless.

I walked toward a deeper area of the lake and looked out over it. It was beautiful despite being in such a desolate area. It was also so very calm and I knew no fish or creatures could survive in this lake. The water was too salty.

A man was with me, the Shaman, and I recall that he wore Native American garb but it was much older than anything I have ever seen. I do not think it was of Earth.

He explained what the place was, though it was without words. It was a place of cleansing and the water was actually very dense salt water that caused the individual to float very easily.

monument-valley

Image of Lyra

It was while talking to this man that I began to gain awareness. I knew I had been taken there to remove buildup and debris – energies that I had picked up over the course of this lifetime that were unneeded and acted to prevent the smooth flow and function of the system.

In discussing this healing, I suddenly saw a vividly clear image of a familiar place in front of me. I felt to actually be there despite also being in my bed.

The first thing I noted were the two orange suns parallel to each other in the sky separated only by tall, flat topped mountains (like one sees in monument valley but not orange in color, more gray/brown). One sun was slightly larger than the other. Then I noticed in the front, right hand side of my vision a space craft that had several silver stabilizers linking it to the ground. It looked similar to a spider it had so many of these extensions coming from it. When I focused on it, though, it shimmered and appeared to be just another flat-topped mountain.

I knew instantly it was Lyra and so woke up completely losing the image. But it was/is fully ingrained in my mind. I asked if the lake had been Lyra and heard, “Europa”. Despite the fact that Europa is mostly ice-covered water based upon images, etc, it seems that the Europa I visited was not.

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Dreams: Walking Dead and Great Storm

I took B6 last night hoping for a lucid dream. Instead I got a night full of vivid dreams with low lucidity.

Dream: Walking Dead

This dream was very long and involved. In it I was with a group of “family” who all had died but had not left their bodies. Instead we walked around in dead bodies which we maintained the best we could. None of us seemed interested in leaving these dead bodies either.

The most memorable aspect of the dream was toward the end when the bodies were so badly decomposed that the limbs, skin and insides were beginning to fall apart. A friend was itching her ear and her finger was covered in a thick, black slime. Another friend had to wear hose to keep her skin in place on her legs. And I had to be careful not to clear my throat because it would clear my entire esophagus!

Interpretation

Seeing the undead and being the undead suggests an aspect of one’s self which has died but that has not been let go of. It can also indicate an inability to express one’s self or a relapse into old habits and ways.

I woke up after this dream wondering what it was about and I got the answer that it was about letting go of the physical and attachments to it. I was told that I was overly attached to the physical and that upon my actual death it would slow the journey because aspects of myself would remain firmly attached to the body. I remembered this occurring in my last life where I died as a child and so understood.

The dream very much reminded me of the movie “Death Becomes Her”, though it was not as comedic.

Dream: Great Storm

In this dream I was visiting a friend and watching a video she had done on the weather. In it she was interviewing a well-known meteorologist and discussing a weather event that was yet to occur. She showed the path the storm took and how it affected the people and places it touched.

I saw a map of the path of the storm which was over the state of Texas. It showed the storm moving in the Houston area from the central part of the state. The storm caused massive amounts of flooding. Specifically there was a river with an almost 90 degree bend in it that overflowed its banks and washed out a road causing cars to submerge.

When the video was done we talked about it and I congratulated my friend on her achievement. Then I wandered her house which was like a mansion and remember discussing the weather event and when it would air on television. I heard the event had not yet occurred and would be televised on the 29th. I got the date confused, though, and asked if it was not in fact the 26th.

Making a New Friend

The dream continued and I left the mansion behind. I had met a young man there – a student – and so took him to his dorm at the university he attended. I lost my car for a bit and finally found it with his assistance and then as we were driving we talked. He was much younger than me but I liked him; there was a connection between us.

He was being sent on assignment for his new job and I was interested in this. Knowing he was still in college I knew he was young and remember telling him I had wished I had graduated sooner. I told him I was especially connected to the class of 2012. Several numbers came up at this time, but specifically 29 and 39.

When I dropped him at his dorm he told me to text him later. I felt conflicted because as a counselor a relationship with a student was off-limits, yet I wanted to contact him. Turns out later he returned and this conflict was resolved.

Massive Fish

Then I was back at the mansion walking towards the front. I met up with three little girls and one had on glasses with two lenses over each eye. I remember commenting on their hair and complementing them.

I then began to leave but stopped and looked longingly out the massive windows on the mountains outside. The woman owner said to me, “You don’t want to leave, do you?” I said, “No, I don’t”. She completed my next thought with, “It’s so relaxing here, isn’t it?” “Yes”, I replied and felt sad.

I walked outside with a man and noticed a large moat outside. We were up high looking down on it. I saw that the waters were very clear and there were massive fish swimming in it. One was at least 11 feet long! I commented on this, asking what they were doing. The man said, “They are going to get food” and pointed to a group of alligators who were tearing apart something in the water. I recognized that the fish were about to feast on the remnants of whatever it was they were eating.

Interpretation

When I awoke from this dream I was concerned. The storm seemed to be a prediction of some sort. I worried it meant I would be dealing with an inner storm of some kind on the 26th or 29th of the month.

Mansions symbolize great potential for growth and a feeling that one may be stuck in a rut of some sort. I seemed drawn to the place and wanted to stay, so perhaps I am trying to avoid something. Perhaps a choice because that is what fish tend to represent. Since there were so many and they were large it could be that I feel the decision/choice is an important one.

The numbers 29 and 39 were also brought up. I assume these are messages and so included the link to their meaning.

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Two Dreams: Freed Dog and Bomb

During my normal nightly routine I ran across video footage of the terrorist attacks in Paris. I remember thinking I should pray for the victims, sending them light and love during this time of transition. At this time I was hit with very strong, loving energy from my guide. I fell asleep thinking of Paris and wondering what the energy from my guides indicated.

Dream: Freed Dog

I had many, many dreams but only a couple stand out. In this one, I was with a dark haired man who was in his 20s. We were walking along deserted streets in what appeared to be a subdivision, though I do not recall seeing any houses. We approached a fenced in area. Inside was very tall, green grass and nothing else. The gate was open and I remember saying to my friend, “Someone forgot to feed and water the dog who was in here. Thank goodness someone let it out”. I saw this small, white dog with brown patches in my mind as if I were remembering what the dog looked like. He reminded me of a terrier breed. I had a sad feeling for the dog. I knew he had been neglected and I always ache inside when I know an innocent has been mistreated. I was relieved that he was released, though I worried I was wrong and he was dead since I did not see him.

Interpretation

Dogs often symbolize protection in dreams and in this dream I believe this is the case. The dog was inside a fence, which indicates a need to suppress or confine the dog (protection). He was also neglected, meaning someone had forgotten about him or believed him unnecessary. Yet he is released indicating someone realized the need for protection.

Considering I fell asleep thinking of Paris, I suspect this dream is a reflection of the world at this time. Many assume they are safe and do not put much thought into protecting themselves. The recent events put people on alert and so they recognize the need for protection.

Dream: Bomb

In another dream, I recall being on a boat in the middle of the calm, blue ocean. Across from me was a friend, also on a boat. The boats were white and small and there was no shelter – both were wide open. I was standing up in my boat looking over at the young blonde woman who was my friend. There was a bomb set off and I remember seeing it over our heads. When it exploded it rained body parts all over my friend, as if the bomb were made of people. I stood there staring at her as she attempted to clean off the deck of her white boat. I saw a piece of an arm and a hand as she brushed it into the ocean. Then she looked up. There was another bomb coming. That’s when I woke up.

Interpretation

Boats represents one’s ability to cope with their emotions. The water represents the state of those emotions. In this case the boats were small and white and the water was blue, clear and calm. The small size indicates my own ability and area or perception. The white color is purity. Bombs represent potentially explosive situations in one’s life. In this case I am looking at it exploding in the air and reigning body parts down upon my friend. This could indicate that I feel unable to do much about the explosive situation (Paris) and the body parts likely symbolize the lives lost and maybe even the suicide bombers involved.

Vision

When I awoke this morning I had a strange feeling. It was like subdued sadness. I was numb but not numb. It is hard to explain. I did not question my dreams, just went over them in my mind and then drifted into the in-between.

While in-between I had a vivid vision of a bomb as it flew towards an unseen target and exploded. I saw a dense, gray smoke trail behind it and in my mind the thought “war” was placed. This woke me up with a start but I calmed quickly. My first thought was that it would not surprise me if the Paris attack’s prompt a declaration of war from France or the UN.

These are just my thoughts, though, not necessarily a prediction. I have already been told that before the next war there will be an assassination of an important figure in the UK. I think this is after the death of the Queen. We will see, I guess.

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Healing Work – Dream: My Painting

Behind-the-scenes work is being done and I am being allowed to remember it. This kind of work I am open to, but it has been a long time since I have done this kind of self-healing.

Dream: My Painting

My dreams last night were near lucid. In fact, in one particular part of a long dream sequence I recall being very aware very suddenly of walking down a crowded street. I remember wondering, “Where am I?” and seeing in my mind as I walked a map of the United States zoomed in on Louisiana.

The city I was in was large and there were people walking towards me. I looked at their faces as I walked. I remember thinking, “I am going to meet someone. I am going to meet someone”, but I had no clue who that person was, only that it was a man.

The street I was on seemed narrow and the buildings older than present time. I tried to wrap my mind around the situation but it was hard. I was dreaming and the dream kept overcoming me and my memories would seem to split into little mini-movie screens in my mind. I will recount what I remembered after I finish retelling this dream.

I made it to my destination which was a very tall, sand-colored building that stood much higher than the other very gray, concrete and mortar buildings of the city. It’s surface was smooth and it was shaped like a closed flower – a tulip or lotus – and the tip reached high into the sky.

I don’t know how I entered but the next thing I knew I was inside the building walking along the halls looking for the person in charge. I knew I was in a building of higher education, like an administration building but only in that the people inside monitored a large, intricate system of learning.

I met the man and we walked to hallways. He led me to an alcove where there was a curtain obscuring my view of something behind it. He said, “I still have your painting” and he opened up the curtains and revealed a large oil painting. I was relieved. They still had it. My painting. I looked at it but could only see small portions of it. It was as if it was divided into smaller paintings like a comic strip or story board. I remember seeing various scenes but none of them were familiar. All were in vivid color and depicted normal, daily life activities and important events.

The dream shifted dramatically then, as if I went into the painting but there was no experience of shifting. I was inside a small, barren, stone room with a man. He was older and kind of fat. I sat and knew I was a woman and dressed in clothing that is not of my current time period. It reminded me of the Civil War era.

He offered me a drink and I took the clear bottle in my hand and poured the amber colored liquid. I took a drink. I remember thinking I should not drink as I had a long trip ahead of me.

Then I was shifted again and I was the partner or perhaps mistress of this man. He abused me and I was complaining to someone about him. I remember that I was upset because he asked the servants to give me breakfast for dinner.

Then I was staring at him face to face. Both of us looked as if we had been beaten. Perhaps we had fought? I was allowed to leave, so I did.

The dream shifted again and I was walking in the woods somewhere higher in elevation than I had been. I was on the edge of a hill and slipped a bit which caused me to notice a man standing at the treeline. When I saw him, I went to him and the entire woodland area disappeared and a golden color replaced it.

I saw the man and embraced him and felt such desire overcome me that I could not breathe. I communicated without words to this man who agreed to be with me and I remember feeling his skin against mine as we embraced and kissed.

Afterward

I awoke with my root and second chakra blazing. I felt my guide close and heard, “Parallel life”.  Of course, I wanted to return to sleep, but it was too late. I asked when this life was and was told, “1868”. I knew it was in Louisiana so I thought, “Reconstruction?”

Confused for a moment, I thought back on my dream. I have re-experienced two lives that fit into this era. One in which I was a man in San Fransisco and another where I was a woman in the Midwest. I was confused because the time period of the dream fit with the life when I was a man, yet I clearly was not a man in the dream.

There were tidbits of something else intermixed with the experience. I remember discussing something prior to becoming lucid in the dream. I was in an office sitting at a desk and discussing things with a man both in person and via chat on a computer. I remember discussing a painting and him saying, “You were so into that painting that you worked on it for 10 years”. I remember seeing a painting in its entirety. It was a scene of some explorers looking down on a valley. There were five of them, only one was a woman. I remember the title had “America” in it, but that is all.

In remembering these things, I knew that I had been taken somewhere while I slept. It was like I went to a place of learning; a place where records were kept. I was shown my lives, like a review, and asked to consider the lessons I had learned and those that I had not let go of because of their connection with “human desire”.

The life where I was a man was a miserable one. I had been married and left her behind to go West. There I had very strong sexual urges and could not resist them. I continually “sinned” and then tried to drink away my guilt and shame. I ended up dying from my alcohol addiction a very sad man.

The life where I was a woman was after my life as a man. I had been molested by my father and ran away at a young age. I ended up prostituting myself. I experienced much inner conflict because I had not expected to enjoy my work – but I did. Every time I slept with a man I enjoyed it but I could not get the image of my father and his treatment of me out of my mind. My thoughts were that if I enjoyed sex then I must have enjoyed sex with my father, which I hadn’t and which had caused me much pain and suffering. So I rejected my enjoyment and desire because it was the only way I could deal with the conflict inside me.

Two lives with the same conflict under different circumstances. Why was I being shown this?

I know I have absolutely no desire for sexual connections at this time in my life. I feel a-sexual in a way. It just isn’t there yet in my dreams it is. When I saw the man in the woods (clearly my guide) the desire that I felt was intense, almost like a drug. When I awoke I thought of it and how such a feeling can really mess up a person’s life if they chose to give into it. Am I trying now, in my current life, to avoid making what I feel is a “mistake” by blocking all desire? Interesting.

I suppose it will be revealed in time. I do know that these two lives seem never to stop coming up. Sigh.

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Dream: UFO 2067

I don’t know about you, but all this hoopla about the 11/11 portal has turned out to be nothing for me. In fact it’s been a big disappointment. I know we are in the midst of it right now but I have felt absolutely nothing energy-wise and even my dreams are nil.

UFO 2067

I only have one image from a dream last night, an image of a UFO with the year 2067 attached to it. I remember standing in my mother’s front yard looking up at the sky and seeing what appeared to be a structure composed of silver beams just floating there. What was odd about it was that it had no insides – it was just a bunch of beams and even the beams were ladder-like, kinda like DNA strands. I then saw in golden letters, “2067”. I remember telling someone who was with me the numbers I saw but I don’t know what they mean. When I awoke I assumed the numbers represented the year I would die and this angered me. I hope I don’t live that long! How awful that would be!

Refusal

When I woke I had all kinds of upset over my “mission” here on Earth. For some reason I woke feeling my mission is simply to live a normal, “quiet” life where I help random people here and there. How I help them is unknown, which I think is the worst part of it for me because I don’t get any validation or appreciation. I am okay with this mission but I am not okay with not having the spiritual experiences and connection, which seem to have dropped off to nothing since I got that stupid cold. I don’t understand why I can’t have these experiences and connection all the time? Why does it wax and wane so frequently?

I got out of bed on a mission. The mission was to make sure that I do not have to return to the workplace. I don’t care what my guides/Team urge me to do, they will not push me back in the direction of working in a system I do not believe in. And there are signs that money will be tight: my husband is a spender and has not been sticking to our budget, business is slow, and my husband keeps dropping hints that I should go back to work.

My husband and I had a talk this morning and I made it clear that I was not going back to work in my normal career. We discussed our budget and how to free up money. We are likely going to get rid of one of our cars and buy a cheaper one and I will be getting rid of my smart phone as soon as I can, which will be in February next year. If we can get rid of or reduce one car payment then my husband should have his “spending” money and so be happy for at least a little while. Right now he doesn’t want to lose his car (the most expensive of our two) so this may take some persuasion on my part.

No Idea What’s Next

Now I just feel deflated. I cannot imagine living until 2067 (that’s just torture!) or even to 2016 for that matter. Life feels tedious and burdensome. If this is what the 11/11 gateway or portal is, then I guess I am getting a good dose of it.

I am in a hurry to just get this life done and move on. In fact, I have felt this way for as long as I can remember! That kinda makes me laugh a little because time is FLYing by it seems. Yet when I am in the moment it seems to drag. Honestly, I hate that time exists. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

What comes next, I have no clue. I am tired of wondering/wandering. If I lost everything right now I wouldn’t care. None of it matters. All that matters is Home and getting back to it.

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The Troubles

The Troubles by U2

You think it’s easier
To give up on the trouble
If the trouble is destroying you
You think it’s easier
But before you threw me a rope
It was the one thing I could hold on to

This song has been a theme-song for me the past 24-36 hours. I am not exactly sure what it means but it has been in my head two mornings in a row upon waking.

I am in the midst of another purge I think. It is not a huge one, at least not as big as some of the ones from the past. My energy, physically, emotionally and mentally, is low. I feel like it is being siphoned off throughout the day and by the end I have nothing left.

I feel once again DONE with life. I am fed up with this place and all the negative, heaviness that pervades it. So I have been asking to finish up and get out of here. I have been bargaining again with my guides. “Please just let me come Home now. I don’t care if I have to come back another lifetime to finish what I didn’t finish in this life. I just don’t want to do this anymore”. All I receive in response are Spirit hugs.

What bothers me the most is that I don’t have motivation at all. Usually when I am feeling like this I can find something to hold onto, some kind of hope that things will improve; some kind of change I can make that brings back that missing spark. There is nothing there. When I look into the future, to the “what if’s” I see only dead ends, paths I have been on before and don’t want to return to.

Dream: Finished

My sleep was fitful for the first half of the night. I didn’t feel I was resting and I don’t remember my dreams. This morning I recall only the end of one dream.

I was in a city walking towards a destination with a friend. The streets were paved with cobblestone. We parked (not sure where the car came from) and went inside. The teacher was an older gentleman and I felt we had been to his class before. I remember that I wanted to go hear him speak because it was a rare event, but I can’t recall what he was speaking about.

We were laying down to listen and I remember only pieces of this part. I saw candles lit and knew I was laying near a man. At one point I knew the covers had come off me, exposing my bare backside. I didn’t care but I knew the man was trying not to look and this amused me.

When class ended I somehow was the last to leave. It was like it had ended way earlier and I had been asleep or distracted so missed the dismissal. I went outside to find my friend and her car was gone. She later returned in it saying she had gone to get some pizza. She seemed to want to celebrate something but I didn’t feel like celebrating and didn’t want any pizza.

As I awoke I remember talking to someone. I was bargaining with them, saying I was done and wanted to leave this life early. As I grew more conscious I saw a piece of paper in front of me. It was divided into four parts and I knew these were elements corresponding to regions of the Earth and duties of those in these areas. I rejected this Plan and pushed the vision out of my mind. Then I saw a large word as if stamped on a paper in my mind. It said, “Finished”. It was in red ink.

Remembering

I can’t seem to shake this feeling that I don’t belong here and that I never have belonged. Right now this feeling is very strong. The more I Remember who I am, the stronger it gets.

I have been having flashbacks of this life, as if I am reviewing it again. My dreams are of my past again and of people who I feel I have wronged, though it is becoming clearer to me that it was part of the plan and my “wrongs” were purposeful for some reason.

I am also flashing back to my youth, to times when I had conversations with my guide without knowing that was what I was doing. One of my earliest memories of this is of me sitting on the ground because my stomach was hurting really bad. The silent voice told me to be still and it would pass. So I did and it went away shortly after. I don’t know how old I was (7?), but the memory is so vivid and I see myself as if outside of myself, sitting on the side of the concrete drive. My hair was short and I was so small but so very strong (and pig headed!).

There is another flashback to my teen years when the first longings for Home became unbearable. I remember conversing with someone. Back then I just thought I was just talking to myself. I was told how long it would be before I would meet “the One”. I saw 30 in my mind and it seemed so very far away, so far away I couldn’t bear it. So I prayed for someone to be sent to me, someone for the interim, so I wouldn’t have to be alone. He was sent when I was 17 and upon meeting him I knew I had a choice and I made it despite knowing he was not “the One”. I thought it would be better, but turns out I felt more alone than ever during that time.

Next Step?

Out of the blue yesterday, while feeling so very down and out, I understood that I would have to eventually go back to work. This saddened me because I do not feel the desire to return to the workplace. I feel unfulfilled there (there being in the education system) and want to do something different, but what that is I am not sure.

I saw a pattern in my life. A pattern concerning my career path. It felt like I was sent some place for a certain amount of time and then, when I was “done”, would be sent to another place. And so on and so forth. If I stayed too long at a place, a place where I was done, events would eventually push me to leave. The longer I stayed, the more difficult it would be to stay to the point that it would begin to start physically affecting me. This is clear to me now, but I feel the resistance inside me. A part of me wants to stay in one place, to be happy in that place. Yet I feel I am not programmed that way. I will always feel the need to move on. What is hardest about moving around so much is that I don’t know why I am at the places I am. It just seems like I am wasting time.

So I grieved in knowing that I would have to return to work, most likely back to counseling. It will just fall in my lap again. That is always how it works. I feel I want/need to work again and then presto it appears as if a gift in a little package.

I don’t like that I feel pushed this way and that in life, as if a string is tied to me that leads me where I am suppose to go. I feel like a puppet.

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Group Karma and a Kundalini Surge

Last night was an intense one. I woke several times from a dream that just kept going. The dream isn’t what is important, though, as it was just symbolic of what was transpiring through the night. What is important is what I brought back from it.

Group Karma

The first time I awoke from the dream I was confused and it took me a while to realize I had been dreaming. In the dream I was convinced that my life had turned out differently. In that life I had made choices in my childhood; acted on impulses that resulted in me murdering another child and then covering it up. My siblings were in on it, specifically my older sister who then  committed a similar crime when she was much older.

Once I realized it was only a dream I knew that I was discussing group karma. I knew that my siblings and I had done something in previous lives that we were “fixing” and we were doing it together.

I fell back to sleep and dreamed of a trial. We had been caught and we were being sentenced. I got only 7 years as my sentence but my sister got much longer. She had known what she was doing; had intentionally done it and planned to do it. Me, on the other hand, had acted impulsively without consideration for the consequences. I remember feeling sad for my sister because she would have to do more time than me.

I woke again understanding that my time was meant to be served in conjunction with hers, which is why we incarnated as siblings in this life. The specifics of it are not known but the feeling I had confirmed I was right.

When I fell back to sleep, the dream continued but this time the person I was doing time with was my husband. When I awoke from this part of the dream I recognized our contract/agreement was meant to balance karmic debt. It felt like he was my sibling in a previous life. What is interesting is that it felt like the previous life was one not on Earth or if it was on Earth it was hundreds of thousands of years ago.

Metallic Box

While in the in-between sometime after the first waking, I witnessed a small metallic box floating in from of me. It appeared to have a white, cotton-like substance bursting from it and looked almost like a sandwich with metallic layers. I saw strange symbols and writing on it. I remember saying a name that sound like Metroika but I don’t believe this is correct. I know for sure I saw a capital “M” very pronounce in the center of the silver box and there was also a “T” in the middle of the name. As my awareness peaked I saw the cotton substance form into angel wings on either side of the box and knew the message was from a Being that would have been labeled as an angel or archangel. Metatron was the name that came to mind.

Kundalini Surge

In the early morning hours I experienced an odd Kundalini surge. In a dream I met with a man who I remember was the owner of a restaurant. He had given free meals to two of my friends but had not given me one. I was irritate by this and questioned him about it. He then took me with him on a walk and I remember knowing he was 40 years old. I was pleased that I was younger than him. I recall feeling that the years of life from 40 to 50 were significant for me but I did not know why.

At some point this man and I kissed but it was not normal. It was like we merged into each other. Where we touched felt huge, like a bubble of energy forming. My mouth felt very strange, like I was blowing a bubble that expanded to include all of my head except for the crown. My root and second chakra also had this bubble-like energy and I could feel them blowing up with energy. My crown chakra oscillated with energy but mostly it felt to be shooting energy straight up.

I could feel this man physically and when I touched him the energy increased. I know that I wanted the energy to move and was demanding it to do so, but this must not have been the right time because the more I willed the energy to rise, the more it went out rather than up.

When I finally came to full awareness my lower body felt warm and tingly and HUGE. I felt the energy of the man who was in my dream. It came from above me to my left and felt huge as well. I could feel the residual energy still lingering and my crown was still active.

Message

Prior to heading to bed I suddenly received communication from a guide/Being whom I had not met before. His energy was big but not imposing. He said to me, “You are not alone”. I responded with, “I know”, but I received back from him that the meaning of this particular message was that I was going to be contacted by others whom I do not normally communicate with.

I accepted the message and went on with my day but right before bed I was again met with the energy and the message repeated. This time I saw in my mind a visual of me recording myself channeling information. I don’t recall the message word-for-word now but I was being asked to channel information from these Beings.

I also remembered suddenly my encounter in 1989. I remember very little from that night but what I do remember was seeing a UFO up close and personal. I wondered about why it was that only I saw it? I wondered what happened during the time my memory is unclear? I heard then, “We chose you because you can see”. I asked then to remember whatever was lost, if it was significant. I have yet to remember but I hope I do.

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Lucid to OBE: Where’s My Head?

I took 100mg of B6 last night before bed just to see if it would do anything since last time I had a lucid dream that turned into several OBEs. Well, it worked! Unfortunately, I don’t recall everything as there are some blank spots in between very vivid OBEs. When I woke up my guide informed me that I was OOB for 75 minutes and that I had 6 OBEs. I didn’t ask but I had wondered briefly how long I had been asleep.

All it took for me to go OOB was to request it. I love my Team!

Lucid to OBE: Where’s My Head?

Prior to this experience I had a lucid dream that turned into an OBE but I have forgotten it now. I recall only that the environment I was in was very shifty and dark and that I felt the vibrations of exit and re-entry.

I became very lucid after exiting my body. I found myself in my bedroom but it was not in this reality. I got out of bed and looked around. I saw a light coming from the hallway. Briefly I recall seeing a gray cat and my son, but can’t recall what I did with them. I believe I kicked the cat away from me as it purred and rubbed up against my leg.

I went toward the light and saw that it came from a bathroom. The door was closed so I pushed it open and went inside. It was a muted brightness when I went in. I recall thinking, “It will be too bright” so I think I muted it, worried it would hurt my eyes.

There was a bathtub in front of me with toilet next to it and a long vanity mirror next to that, both to my left. I felt the light was not too much and so allowed the room to fully illuminate. I saw sparkles in the golden air that moved and glittered. It was like the light was alive!

I noticed I was standing right in front of the mirror so I turned to take a look at myself. I was giddy for some reason, just very happy and in high spirits. I remember speaking aloud saying, “Oh, there I am! Hi!” I looked at my lower body and saw that it was shifty like the rest of the space I was in. I stabilized it but saw the mirror was not smooth but warped a bit.

I decided to look at my face but was surprised to find I had no head! I said, “Oh! I don’t have a head!” This made me laugh for some reason. Not concerned, I simply thought my head back and there it appeared in the mirror. I said aloud, “That’s better!” The image of the woman in the mirror did not, however, look like I do now. She was similar but not exactly right. I didn’t really care and accepted the image as me without question, yet a part of me retained the image wondering who exactly I was seeing.

OBE: Christmas Room

Yet again I had an OBE that I do not recall completely that led to this one. In this one I was walking down a hallway in the house attached to the bedroom of the other one (all my OBEs were in this house). There was again the shifty, darkness until I got to a room. When I went into the room it was fully illuminated.

Inside I was pleased to discover a large living area completely decked out in Christmas decorations. There were ribbons and wreaths, trees and ornaments. It was dazzling and beautiful! I saw the room was quite large, too, and walked the length of it. I do recall seeing at one end a man watching me but I looked the other way and said, “This is like how I would decorate for Christmas if I could afford it!” I thought for sure I had entered into some very rich person’s house.

There was interaction here with the man who I saw but it gets hazy. I remember seeing him and talking with him for some time. He was with a shorter, dark haired woman who I seemed to like a lot. The man was taller than me, had sandy-blonde hair and seemed older, maybe mid-40s. He had blue eyes that seemed to sparkle.

At one point in the middle of our conversation I stopped and said to him, “How do I know you? What is your name?” I don’t remember now if he gave me a name but he told me, “I was there when you went to the dentist, remember? I have silver teeth”. He showed me his teeth and I was like, “Oh yeah. I remember”, but I didn’t remember.

I hugged him and felt a familiar energy from him. I said to him, “I’m sorry. I’m married” and pulled away.

I wandered around for a bit, looking at things and saw that there was nothing personal in this Christmas room. I said aloud, “This can’t be real. There is nothing personal here” as I fiddled with a nondescript, silver toy car.

OBE: Room 340

There was a shift back into my body then and then I went back out. This time I was in an office environment. The dark haired woman was there as was the blonde man. I told the blonde man that I wanted to be with the dark haired woman. Then I propositioned her, “Do you want to?” She said, “Sure!” Surprised, I followed her.

We walked around inside this office looking for a private space. I stopped an asked someone, “Is there an open office we could use?” She said, “No they are all full”. The dark haired woman said, “Is there maybe an open internet room?” The woman said, “Yes but hurry. Room 340“. She pointed to the right.

We went to the room but the walls were all only half walls. I was concerned about privacy and one wall fell down completely.

Then I lost lucidity for a while and found myself back in the bedroom. I remember thinking I should find my husband but deciding I did not want to bother waking up to do so. I chose to return to the OBE instead but the woman was gone. I remember being in our bed and my middle son being there asleep next to my husband. I also recall I was holding a bowl of cereal (lol) and that I gave it to my son.

I remember seeing another cat then and being irritated by it. I went out the window and felt the brisk night air but felt it was not allowed. I do remember seeing a very bright, white light amid the stars and thinking it was the moon. My memory says it was not the moon, though. I honestly don’t know what it was.

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Aldyn: Old Friend

I finally got good sleep last night but still awoke at 5am, much earlier than I would like.

Dream: Meeting an Old Friend

The dream I awoke from was of me reuniting with an old friend. In the dream I had been in a game show that resembled the Price is Right. In it, I saw Alex Trebek as two people. The first was connected to a very long, fat, golden snake that appeared to be filled with air like one of those lawn displays that fills up giant Santa Claus’ to make them appear larger than life. I don’t recall much about this part of the dream except the snake and knowing that the person who at once appeared like Alex and then a woman was a twin of this snake.

I then moved into a dark room that felt to be inside a house. I know I was in the astral at this time but I did not awaken while there. A man came in who was very tall and had dark hair. I don’t remember his face or features but I knew him and we talked. He had just returned from a journey and we were discussing his taking of a wife. I said to him with surprise, “You were married again?” He said, “Yes” and there was an a communication that passed between us that this marriage had been short lasting only a year, like the many others he had. I also knew he had fallen in love quickly and deeply each time he was married but then when actually married each relationship fell apart. I knew that the reason for this was that his expectations of his spouse were too high and unyielding. She could not be what he wanted and so every time the relationship would break and end in a loss for him.

I hugged him, my head barely resting upon his broad chest. I said to him as I looked up at him, “I forgot how tall you were”. He appeared to be at least 7 feet tall and I felt dwarfed in his presence.

We sat down together on a sofa and I lay my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me. I noticed that I wanted to be close to him, a feeling I do not have in my current lifetime with my current husband. The difference was striking but I accepted it. I felt at ease with him and happy to just be in his arms.

Then I became nervous. My husband came into the room and I did not want him to see me there with my friend. I covered myself in blankets to hide. They were removed and I was laying there alone, my friend nowhere to be seen.

Aldyn

I awoke then, still feeling the confusion of waking without my friend there. I heard then, “What if I made you a man? What would you do?”

This question confused me and the dream came back to me.

Then I heard very distinctly, “Aldyn” and I knew he lived 400,000 years ago. I wondered if man even had civilizations that far back and if he did which ones were around? I then wondered if in fact this man, this Aldyn, was me and felt it may be and that it was him/me that lived so long ago.

Interestingly, the name Aldyn is Old English for “old friend”.

I then thought of the question I was asked. I responded, “I would play with it (meaning the penis)” and laughed. I communicated that it would be the first thing I did because I had always wondered what it would be like. But then I felt I needed to be serious got and said, “I would focus on how the body felt and note the differences”. Then I remembered what being a man was like and knew the thought processes were very different from that of a woman. It felt different and it is hard to describe the difference as it is subtle. It has to do with the connections made in the brain and how the thoughts are processed and what areas they originate from.

Then we had a discussion about why I chose to be female this life and the struggles that come with choosing to be female. I saw the challenge of the imbalance that existed between the masculine and feminine; how women had lost their power. I saw the lessons in motherhood and I cringed. The patience needed, the compassion and understanding, the need to tune into one’s emotions and intuition – all these things I need to enhance within my own whole Self because for far too long it has been the masculine which I doted upon.

This is what I awoke to this morning. So much of me resists the lessons I am here to learn. I see now why my guide calls me ambivalent.