Tag Archives: dreams

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8 Months and I Give Up

My sleep has been interrupted by strange dreams and odd messages. I have been in my stubborn I-don’t-wanna-hear-it stage, so I try and push the dreams out of my mind as soon as I wake. And I wake up a lot!

Lung Dissection

The night before last I awoke from a real vivid dream where I watched myself on the operating table. My chest was opened up to reveal my lungs. Then my lungs were sliced in half and neatly laid side by side to reveal the insides.

What is the most vivid about this dream is the inspection of the inside. I was being shown these tiny, sparkling green orbs. They were all over the inside of my lungs. They looked like little circular emeralds and were no bigger than the tip of my pinky finger in size.

I woke up immediately from the dream thinking something was horribly wrong. I was immediately calmed and then fell back to sleep.

Signing the Bill

Last night I had a string of dreams that all woke me up. I tried to forget them but they are still lingering, especially this one.

I was purchasing something and asked to sign the credit card bill. The was one of the old type – you know the kind from a manual credit card processing machine that imprinted the card numbers on paper (makes me look very old).

I went to sign my name and it barely showed up. I remember squinting at the nearly invisible signature and then rewriting my name carefully over the top so that it could be seen.

I woke up immediately after thinking I had just signed a contract or finalized one.

8 Months!?

I don’t recall the dream now (trying to forget my dreams is working I guess) but I do recall what woke me up. In the dream I was talking to someone who was discussing how long it would take to do something. I remember hearing, “8 months”.

I awoke angry and protesting, yelling at my Companion asking why it was taking so long and to get it over with already. He explained that the process could not be rushed.

I Give Up

At work today I watched some webinars and got some CEUs (continuing education) in order to keep my counseling certificate. This was voluntary because my boss seems to have forgotten I exist and so I was not on the schedule to attend any of the day’s (and week’s) professional development. I wanted to focus on spiritual matters but kept feeling not to. So I didn’t.

As the day progressed I found a webinar I really liked and began to get ideas for the upcoming counseling groups I will be conducting. It was at this time I heard a very quiet question, “Why not?” This came with a memory of long ago when I first began teaching. Back then, I fell into my work with more gusto and passion than I ever have since. I enjoyed my job so much, in fact, that I got to work early every day and loved every moment of my day.

I realized what was happening. I was being prompted to “live life” and I understood that I have been resisting life for a very long time. There is a part of me that is angry at the “system” and also angry at myself for letting it get the better of me. Every time I think of something I should do I feel that anger and a little voice says, “Why bother?”

Honestly, though, I would rather try and do something about it than nothing at all.

So I decided I would do this group. I would plan it like I use to plan lessons as a teacher. I would have fun with it. I would create it and make it my own.

I came home and bought children’s books for each topic. I look forward to reading them to the students and making the silly voices for the characters. I look forward to making posters and drawing with them while we brainstorm ideas.

The reason I loved my first year of teaching is because my working theme was, “Explore yourself”. That is what I tried to get my students to do. To discover themselves, learn about themselves and grow in themselves. I can do that with the kids I work with now. If I want to.

Maybe “living life” won’t be as much of a drag after all.

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Dream: Tending to the Horse

This morning I had a semi-lucid dream in which I was conversing with my Companion as I watched scenes unfold in front of me. It was quite long and drawn out, so I will focus mainly on the part that is most memorable.

Dream: Misfire

I had awakened early in the morning and asked to astral project. I rolled over and fell asleep not long after.

The first thing I recall is hearing very audibly a very deep voice. I acknowledged the voice immediately as that of my Companion. I don’t now remember what he said. Instead, I remember more the tone and quality of the voice. It was deep and sounded distorted, like someone talking through a voice distorter or changer.

I watched a scene unfold in front of me. Me and my brother were in the scene but this was us from another life. I was older and he was younger. In the scene we were upset because two dogs had been shot. One died and the other, my Trooper, had been wounded. I was visibly upset because I would have to put down my dog as his injuries were life threatening and he was already very old.

I saw how it happened. We had been playing with a loaded pistol and somehow, in our rough housing, the pistol had misfired and gone through the side of my dog and into the face of the other dog.

For a moment I was overcome with grief at the loss of my dog but then I recognized something – he had not died from a gunshot wound. The grief threatened still and I heard the voice of my Companion reminded me that I had moved past that. The grief vanished then and I became more lucid, recognizing it had all been a dream.

Dream: Tending to the Horse

Then I was standing in my Mom’s backyard looking at a large, brown horse. I somehow knew he was old. I had in my hand one of those large brushes to brush horses and knew that I was suppose to tend to the horse. I walked up to him and began to brush him. What is odd is that he spoke to me the entire time.

At one point he rolled over on his belly and thrashed about. He invited me to brush his underside and was very happy and content to be tended to. It was odd because the voice of my Companion came out of this horse and I felt very reluctant to participate in the obvious teaching scenario he had created for me.

I asked him why he wanted me to brush him. He said “Everyone else is too rough. They do it the right way”. I saw in my mind a woman brushing a horse and pushing very hard as they did. It did indeed seem rough and very business-like. Yet I knew this was the “right way” as I had seen it done in my current life.

I continued to brush him in my own way, which was more like a light massage or petting. I remember discussing with him my desire to hear him in my mind like I was hearing him now. “Why can’t I hear you this way in my waking life?”, I asked. There was/still is such a deep longing to hear him this way outside the dream and in-between states.

By this time I was fully lucid and had entered the in-between state. The horse was gone and all that remained was the strong connection between my Companion and myself. I knew his reply to my question before I heard his response.

“You can hear me just fine”, he said. I knew he was right. I do hear him, but not like in my dreams.

I asked him if I would ever get to experience hearing him that way consistently while awake. I did not get an answer as to yes or no, just a feeling that it was possible. But there was a huge “but” attached.

As I came out of the in-between I heard him say, “Live life”.

I knew again the message: Stop wishing for this or that and just live your life. Focus on living.

Understandably, I was in a sour mood when I got out of bed.

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Dream: In 500 Years

I slept fitfully last night. I believe I was conversing with someone most of the night. Unfortunately, I don’t remember who or what was said. Every time I woke up it was 1.5 hours since I had previously woken. I didn’t feel rested upon finally waking up at 6:30.

Dream: In 500 Years

I had a lot of dreams in between the conversations but the one that stands out to me is about the future.

I was discussing my upset about how disconnected people have become from one another because of social media and the internet. It seemed that it would ruin humanity to me. This is when the person I was talking to interjected and said, “There will one day be a method of tracking people by sound”. I then saw the apparatus used to track people. It was a large, silver machine with metal tubing. Somehow it was explained to me that this machine could track and identify every person on Earth by their unique sound.

I found this interesting but wondered when such technology would exist. I heard back, “In 500 years”. I said, “Why would I care about that, then? I will be long dead by then”.

Then I wondered, “What if a person never speaks?” This is when it was explained that the machine could also detect a person based upon their smell. This seemed even more strange to me and I briefly wondered if maybe it wasn’t a “machine” at all but telepathy.

The dream then morphed into this action-adventure type movie scene. Two nuns came in and absconded with the machine, hiding it inside a black burlap sack. I chased after them but they escaped into a Catholic cathedral.

Inside, I saw them opening up two coffins. They were standing upright, side by side. The machine had turned into two people, a man and a woman, who were prisoners. They were being placed in the coffins and told how to use the censors inside to survive. I saw the woman playing with six tiny silver balls located at the top of the coffin.

I remember thinking the dream odd but there was a message that the previous machine, the one that could track people, was of high interest to organized religions such as Catholicism. They saw it as a threat to their survival. It was important that they suppress such change in order to maintain their power.

This part of the dream woke me up and the message remained. I understood the symbolism of the dream and the warning it held.

Message

I am not trying to attack the Catholic religion, so please don’t think that. But the message was clear that organized religion is part of why humanity is asleep. I did not question the message, for I have always distrusted religious groups, but there was further message that the powers that be are people we would otherwise not suspect of such a ruse. What I am told is that they do know what they are doing and are doing it purposefully.

No wonder I had trouble sleeping last night!

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Birthday Lucid to OBE: Creating a UniPeg

This morning I awoke at 6:30am a very grumpy birthday girl. I am just not into my own birthday anymore, not now that the added year is not wanted. I had a string of very vivid dreams I won’t go into now but this wasn’t enough. I wanted a birthday present, something that would make me feel less despondent towards the coming of yet another year in this life.

Lucid Dream: 70-Year-Old Man

I began to gain lucidity towards the end of a long dream as I was sitting at a table with an older gentleman. He was very gray and seemed fragile in his old age. His hand shook as he tried to sip his coffee, black and steaming in a vividly white mug.

We were discussing our sleep patterns and he told me, “I sleep well except that I wake up at least 7 times a night. My dreams are very odd but I guess that is just part of getting old”.

The fact that he woke up so many times caught my attention and I told him to tell me more. This is where my lucidity grew stronger and the scene shifted before I had a chance to hear about his dreams.

Lucid to OBE: Creating a UniPeg

Nearly fully lucid now, I found myself standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking vast amounts of sky dotted with puffy white clouds that seemed to go on forever. I was watching as some children tried to cross the sky by hanging onto a rope that was not attached to anything.

A section of this dream is lost to me but the next thing I remember is helping the kids grab onto the rope. I watched as they swung precariously as the rope began to move across the sky. For some reason I grabbed on and found myself flying along with them. But I was not holding onto the rope like they were. I was just floating.

I then recall deciding I wanted to ride on the back on a UniPeg (unicorn-Pegasus combination). In front of me appeared a beautiful brown unicorn that sprouted wings and began to soar up into the perfect sky. I remember that at first he was white but the color shifted to brown almost immediately. I didn’t care, though, he was beautiful.

I knew I had created him and soon took control of the dream and launched myself up and into the air behind the UniPeg. I was in the process of creating one of these majestic creatures under me so I could ride him when I felt the scene shift and the familiar energy of settling into my body.

OBE: Hit in the Face

Feeling the energy was right, I again left my body but the scene of the beautiful sky and UniPeg was gone. In fact, it was completely dark. I thought about opening my astral eyes but thought if I did I would wake up. It did not even occur to me to try other techniques to bring on clarity. I felt completely hopeless of gaining my vision.

I did, however, think that if I could find a way out of the room I was in that I could be “free”. I knew I was in my bedroom so walked toward where a window should be. I had absolutely no mental sight. It was literally pitch black darkness.

I went to where the window was suppose to be, intent on opening it, when suddenly I ran smack into something, a wall I think. It hit me right in the face and with such force that it stopped me in my tracks.

Shocked and surprised, I lost the scene completely and came back to my body. When I was re-entering I heard my guide say, “Did you feel it?”

Yeah, I felt it. It almost hurt, except it didn’t. When I opened my eyes I kept waiting for the pain to come the impact was so intense and solid.

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Intention Works: 3 OBEs

Last night my daughter came to me asking questions. She had seen a Micky Mouse cartoon in which Mickey had gone to sleep and his astral body had gone out and done all kinds of things. She asked me, “Was that his ghost?” I told her, “Something like that. It is his other body, the one that comes out when he sleeps”.

The conversation continued. My daughter was fascinated and wanted to know more. She was like a little sponge and her eyes were so bright I thought she might come out of her body right then and there!

“So it’s real? I can do that? Anyone can do that?”, she asked me.

“Yes. It is real. Anyone can do it,” I replied.

“How?”, she asked.

So I told her how – to go to sleep reminding herself to wake herself up from within her dreams; to look for things in her dreams that made no sense. I told her as much as I could in child’s terms. She soaked it up and seemed to understand. But she had an issue really understanding that she is not her body. She kept asking, “When I open my eyes, will my brain know I am awake?” I kept having to say, “You don’t have eyes or a brain. You are energy”. This, I think, is a bit too much for her little mind but she is trying.

We made a plan: If she woke up in her dream, she would come find me and wake me up. If I woke up, I would come find her.

She went to bed jumping up and down saying, “I can’t believe it’s real!”

Lucid Dream: Graduating at 40

I woke at 6am without any OBEs or encounters with my daughter. I said to my guide, “Please can I get something for encouragement??”

I fell asleep and into a dream where I was at a school cafeteria table eating what appeared to be a mass of ground beef. My fellow students were eating but I was not. It was ground beef. I am not eating meat right now. When I looked at them they appeared zombie-like. What was wrong with them?

I started to become lucid and wandered about the school and into the front office. It was dark in there and I was looking for my student records. I knew if they found out my age they would not let me graduate. I knew this was my senior year. Only one more year until graduation. I had to get those records.

My lucidity continued to increase. Something was not right. I am not in high school. I am too old! I imagined getting on the school bus and all the kids staring at me. I could not pretend I was a teenager. No way, I am too old now.

Someone walked into the office and turned on the lights but they did not turn on. I tried to see her face, but couldn’t. I slipped past her and out the door.

Flying now, I knew I was dreaming but was not 100% lucid yet. I went into a side room and began looking at toys that were a part of a school store. I thought of my daughter. She would like these.

I felt my body then and knew I had been OOB.

OBE: Wake up!

In an instant I was transported to my mother’s house. I saw her inside with my two oldest. Instantly recalling my conversation with my daughter, I flew over to her and shook her vigorously.

“Adrian! You are asleep. Wake up!

She turned to me and said, “I’m not asleep, mommy”.

I took her by the hand and said, “You’re asleep. You need to wake up”. Then I said, “Fly with me!”

I began to show her how to fly, telling her to jump up while she was running at full speed. I could not get off the ground at first, too distracted by my daughter, but eventually I did. When I was in the air my daughter was behind me. I had pulled her up with me.

I heard my son at that point saying, “I want to go!” He was crying.

I said encouragingly, “Come fly with us!”

OBE: Flying Lessons

My vision blacked out and I came back to my body for a moment. I saw a picture forming in front of me, all golden colored. I instantly recognized the exit opportunity and took it, but did not go into the picture. Instead, I went back to the previous scene.

I was back in the drive at my mother’s house with my children. I leaped into the air and yelled at both my children to follow. They flew up, the youngest lagging behind.

We went up into the branches of a tree. I told them, “Grab onto the branches. The sky likes to pull you up really fast”. I could feel my astral body being pulled upward as I said this. In front of me the white, leafless branches were vivid.

Somehow I lost my grip on the branches and began to be pulled up quickly. My vision blacked out and I felt my body as soon as this happened.

OBE: Missed Opportunity

Back in my body, or so I thought, I began to wonder why I couldn’t see. It barely registered to me that I was OOB at this time. I felt unsure. I had just been flying and now I had suddenly stopped. Surely I had been pulled back into my body? Right?

I opened my astral eyes and saw what I thought was my bed blanket. It was vividly bright and crisp.

With no vibrations or any indication that I as OOB, I accepted defeat and the fact that I was in actuality opening my physical eyes.

To my dismay, I realized I was wrong the minute I felt the familiar energy of reentry. I had been OOB after all, and likely in a completely different place. The pull up and the blackout had taken me somewhere else. The blankets I saw were not mine. They didn’t even match!

Check In

When I got out of bed my daughter was still asleep. She woke not long after and I asked her if she remembered. She didn’t. She had trouble falling asleep – too excited. But she said she remembered being at her Nana’s house. Then she cried because she missed out on it. I had to explain that it took a long time to master OOB travel and to just enjoy her sleep and dreams. She was happy with this and we talked about my OBE.

It is so exciting to have a member of my family interested and trying to OBE. She is so very young, though. I do not want her to be discouraged too soon. Is it even realistic for her to go OOB? I don’t know. My first experiences were in my 20s.

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Results of the Shift

For the past two nights I have dreamed of past acquaintances, both of which died suddenly and unexpectedly. At first I thought it to be a coincidence, but after last night’s dream I have changed my mind.

“I Can’t Get Through”

I almost missed the visit and message last night since it was muddled up with a longer dream I was having. However, upon waking it was clearly separate from the rest of the dreams I had.

The specific memory I have was of seeing this person, who I knew while growing up and who died in 2012. His daughter, my best friend from school, was in my dream as well. He was trying to talk to her; to get her attention. I don’t recall the specifics of what he was trying to tell her, but I do recall seeing his face covered in disappointment. I asked him what was wrong and he told me, “I can’t get through”.

My personal memory of him was blurred but I do recall trying very hard to get a good look at him because I recognized him. He looked like I last recall and I was happy to see him. But his disappointment was strong and that, I think, is why I remember.

Plans, Plans

The night before last I had a very in-depth dream in which I discussed the building of a house with someone I knew in life. He had also passed away and this was not the first time I had seen him in my dreams.

He was not trying to pass on a message – at least not that I recall. Instead, he was telling me of all the plans he had never gotten the chance to act upon. He was very enthusiastic. This is also how I remember him in life.

It seemed he came to talk to me as he asked me why I moved my family from our old place. I don’t remember my answer now. Instead, I just recall seeing him and his beaming smile. It was obvious he was very happy on the Other Side. He was also “whole”, which he had not been in life.

Understanding: Widespread Results of the Shift

It did not take me long to put the two night’s visits together. There was a reason for these encounters.

The every increasing energy shifts and changes brought about via the shift has not gone unnoticed by those who do not believe in the ascension. Most don’t even know about it. Yet, they feel it and they are distraught. They do not understand they are clearing out their past – their hurts, their disappointments, their upsets, their “sins”, their karma. All they know is that they are haunted by a feeling of emptiness and an upset over things they should be able to put behind them.

Their loves ones on the Other Side are trying to reach out to them. They should be able to. The veil is thin enough now that entering the subconscious via dreams to pass on messages is easier now than ever. Unfortunately, the messages don’t always get through. The mind blocks them. And if the messages do get through, disbelief and doubt toss them out.

This is why my friend’s father was so disappointed. He was showing me his attempts have not worked. He wondered, “Why can you see me but she cannot?

He knew the answer. She doesn’t believe in God or the afterlife for one. This was what he taught her, too. How could she ever receive a message from someone who is just gone? And if the message does make it through, she will toss it out, figuring it just a creation of her own mind. Unfortunately, this only creates more grief and more blocks and thus the cycle continues.

I recognized his appeal to me: talk to her, get her to see I am still here, I still exist.

I told him I won’t do it. Even if she did listen to me, she would still have those same blocks. She just does not believe.

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Folding in the Higher Self

This epic blue moon did not invoke any OOB states or profound spiritual experience for me. I was not expecting that, though. I knew I would have another night of deep sleep, and I did.

However, I did have early morning communications from my guide in the form of dreams and insight.

Folding in the Higher Self

One particularly strong memory was of a discussion in which I was being shown the definition of the word “fold”. I saw the written word and also pictures of the meaning of the word. I recall talking about folds in the skin and seeing layers of belly fat rolled one upon the other. In that memory I also recall hearing this was the wrong definition.

Then I recall joking about the word, turning it into “felled” such as “felled one’s enemy”. Apparently this humor was not appropriate and I was awakened immediately.

When I awoke I saw clearly in my mind a bowl and a mixing spoon. I knew this meant the definition I was being asked to consider here was the cooking definition – the combining of ingredients without forcing the air out of the mixture. This is done by mixing the lighter ingredients into the denser ingredients gradually and with very little pressure. The action is repeated until the the ingredients are fully combined. Step by step this involves moving the lighter ingredients around the side of the denser ones. Then, moving them underneath. Finally, by moving the entire mixture over onto itself.

What This Means

I find it interesting that this definition was used to describe my current transformation and the transformation of many others across the globe. Specifically, the combining of denser ingredients with lighter ingredients is superbly analogous to the ascension process.

The lighter ingredients are analogous of the Higher Self and the higher vibrating energy that it brings. This “light” infiltrates the lower vibrating or denser energy of the Earth Self. Ultimately, the two will completely combine and merge to create something new.

These two aspects must be combined slowly so as to not force the air out of the mixture. In the case of ascension, the “air” would of course be the physical body and the folding process is necessary for the preservation of it.

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No More Math Class!

Our upstairs a/c went out yesterday. Just in time for bed, too. I ended up sleeping in 82*. I don’t know if it affected my dreams but I had some vivid ones.

Competition

This dream was very long and detailed but I will keep it short.

I was a part of what appeared to be a competition between rival groups. The groups had no names but were instead represented by a color. I recall specifically the colors blue and red predominantly because these were the two groups that had made it to the final match.

Most of the dream was about strategy and reminded me of the Hunger Games story without the brutality. The blue group and the red group were trying to outdo each other. I remember being a part of the blue group. It seemed the red group was in direct opposition to us.

At one point another group came into play. I believe it was a pale yellow color but it did not have a name. The members of this group had great mental capabilities. They could perceive the thoughts and position of others a great distance from themselves and had a device that resembled an opalescent tunnel that would sent out their mental probe much farther distances. Basically, it was as if this group had mastered remote viewing.

The last thing I recall was seeing one of these mental tubes and trying to hide from it. I awoke not long after and had the idea that the colors represented the chakras but I was unsure what the pale yellow symbolized. Upon researching it this morning it represents psychic awareness and ability.

No More Math Class!

In this dream I was attending class and my instructor asked for all my coursework. I handed it to her but she said I would not pass because one assignment was missing. I knew which one and asked her to let me turn it in late, saying I had done it but left it at home.

I ran into a room that was quite messy. There were two others working in there but I ignored them and went to work. I had never done the assignment and so quickly made the chart. I don’t recall what the chart was about now but it was observations of something or another. I finished it and handed it in.

Later, I exclaimed, “That was my last math class! No more math classes!” I was very happy about it.

I wonder what math class represents? I suspect it relates to logic or mental processing. Perhaps problem solving?

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Sleeplessness and Dreams

The quiet voice returned yesterday. Not that it ever really went away. I did that. I went away. Or should I say the “other” me came back with a vengeance.

I was in the midst of living my day when it returned. What is interesting here is that it was so barely noticeable but at the same time it was all encompassing and impossible to ignore.

I don’t remember now what exactly was said but it was simple statements that I heard, statements that reflected the moment I was in. Sometimes they were requests asking me to take notice. Other times they were explanations; lessons. I do remember that I was reminded that I choose how I feel and react. I was also reminded to accept that which I can no longer control. If it is done, it’s done.

Listening and acknowledging the truth of these insights, I began once again to let go of arguments and resistance. This helped but it was difficult. The other me was/is very strong.

It became suddenly very apparent that maintaining control of the host body is a process that never ends. I must persist or lose control. I must remain always in touch with the body; the mind; the heart. If I relax and assume I have it “all under control” then the other me returns. I honestly wish she would go away and get over herself.

It is so much work. Why is it so hard?

And my guide said, “It will be easy”. Which part? Ha!

Sleeplessness

Falling asleep was difficult last night. I had a flashback of those years in which I suffered greatly from insomnia. I do not want to return to that! Yet there it was, heavy and having over me and causing great mental strain and confusion.

I appealed to my guides. “I want to sleep!”, I said. “What is going on?”

It was than that a phrase entered my mind, “Inside it is chaos. We will fix it”. I recalled hearing a similar statement recently. So this is the chaos?

I withdrew into my heart space and from there I was able to observe some of what was going on. The other me was quite upset about the current changes and the ones yet to come. The mind felt overwhelmed and the thoughts were haphazard and did not make sense. There would be one thought and another, disconnected one would pop up.

At some point, exhaustion overcame me and I fell asleep.

Dreams

The night was a busy one. I wish I recalled in detail everything but unfortunately my exhaustion must have eliminated the memory upon reentry.

I do recall waking at one point from a dream in which I was hunting down an entity. In the dream this entity had attached itself to me and was the cause of the chaotic thoughts and resistance. I had located it and was capturing it when I awoke. I immediately surrounded myself with light and returned to sleep. All I recall of this entity was that it was very small and resembled a little blob with a face.

The next dream I recall was returning to Alaska and reuniting with my ex-husband. For some reason I was very happy and felt safe, as if he could erase all my problems. I remember being at his work and there was a man who masturbated and got semen all over a glass table. Undisturbed, I cleaned it off with a wet rag. I remember looking closely at the glass as I cleaned it.

There was discussion about a trip. A woman who was there was about to have a baby and was going to go on a spiritual purification-type journey. I wanted to go with her but the timing was in question. She wanted to leave now and I told her I wanted to finish my visit and to wait. I remember seeing a calendar in my mind and deciding to leave on a Friday. The destination was one I knew and I told her, “That is where I go to school”.

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Breaking Free and OBE

I spent much of the day yesterday going through my old journals and blog posts in order to identify how many lucid dreams and OBEs I’ve had over the years. I entered it into an OpenOffice spreadsheet while also reading through various entries.

Later that evening I went out with my husband and had a couple of glasses of wine. I regretted it almost instantly and even more so later in the night because I was unable to fall asleep.

I tossed and turned most of the night, my thoughts upon my journal entries and a strange, nagging feeling I could not decipher. Around 2am the source of the feeling revealed itself.

Cocoon

Firstly, I noticed how disconnected I was from what I had written over the years. All feeling was absent as was the memory of most of the experiences I described. It was as if someone else lived my life. Next, I was quite disturbed by just how little progress and change I have made since 2003. The cyclic patterns of my life just keep on going. Over and over and over. I seem never to learn and I forget so easily the lessons I do learn and then end up re-learning them later as if my mind was wiped clean of the lesson. I have the same complaints, the same high’s and low’s, the same fixations. Finally, there was a feeling that something about these patterns directly relate to my level of conscious awareness.

Somehow, for some reason, I have never really been connected to this life or this body. It has been a dream all along and so much resembles a dream upon analysis that I cannot avoid the reality of such a conclusion.

I wondered to myself, “Where have I been?”

I then recognized what the odd feeling was. I felt to be trapped inside a very small, confined space. I desperately wanted out. I needed to get out. It felt as if I could move somewhat; push out an arm here, a leg there. Yet no matter how hard I struggled there was something constraining me.

butterflyIt was then that I saw it: the cocoon. And a new feeling along with knowingness came over me suddenly. I was about to break free of it and what would emerge would be so very different from what went in.

For a moment I was worried. What will emerge? Will it be me? Or, like the butterfly, will I be totally different?

There was a mixture of both nervousness and elation at the thought. I felt my guide close and I knew he was reveling in what was transpiring. I sent forth a mental query and he responded with, “What do you feel?”

It’s All a Construct

That is when I knew. It is all a construct. All of it. Me. The Earth. The Universe.

But what does that mean? Why is it that I am only now recognizing this?

I have been asleep this whole time! I thought I was aware but my awareness is nothing compared to the awareness that I am, that is available and can be tapped into. What I have here, in this lifetime, is like a tiny pinprick of light in a universe of darkness.

I became temporarily overwhelmed. “It has all been a ruse”, I thought. “This life that I have been living, blindly wandering through, is a trap. Who created it? I don’t know, but I am not at all interested in continuing on this way”.

I knew to escape this trap I needed to break free of the mind. I knew I had been lost in it, consumed with it and its pictures and emotions. I focused on my heart the best I could. I had to live from the heart in order to break free of this cycle. It was the only way.

I also had to be in the body. I have not been in it. I have been away from it often. In and out. In and out. Like when we dream, the specifics are lost and only symbols remain; left to be decoded and interpreted.

I should be able to remember every minute, every second, of my life. It should be distinctly real. But what is real?

Lucid to OBE: Visiting Multidimensional Me’s

I fell into an odd slumber, though I am not even sure “slumber” is the right word. I was completely aware of what was going on and felt more to be in the in-between than anything. However, it was obvious that a “dream” was occurring and I was in the midst of it while also being outside of it.

I traveled to many places, places I had been before while OOB and in dreams. I recognized these places and identified them to my guide along the way. Upon recognizing the places, I also recognized myself in these places. A different Self in a different life. I saw several lives like this and saw similarities and differences. It was like I was seeing the hundred faces of Me.

In between visits I had conversations with my guide. The scenes would be there but I would be removed from them in a separate space with my guide. I said to myself and to him, “It’s like a carnival mirror” and in my mind an image was clear as day. There I was, standing and facing a mirror and looking at the reflections of hundreds of Me’s looking back at me.

The spokes of the turning wheel were all me, branching out in different directions. This was multidimensionality, all of it was Me.

Confused, I pulled out of the scene and instantly found myself OOB. I knew I was OOB but my vision was suddenly completely gone and, though I could sense my surroundings, I was fumbling around blindly, feeling very distraught about what had been revealed to me.

Who am I, then? What will happen next?

I called out to my guide while OOB. What does it mean? Where are you?

It was not long after that I willed myself back to my body. When I came back into it the energy was jagged, almost painful. My body felt alien and rigid. I wondered briefly if it was about to die. Was my rejection of the repetitions of life, of the trap of the body, causing the body to reject me?

My heart was doing odd flip-flops and I felt I might be sick. I rolled over and the energy settled and I felt better. I fell into a fitful sleep after, waking at 5:30am and not getting more than a few hours of rest. I knew, though, that I didn’t need it.