Tag Archives: dreams

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Pulling Teeth

As my near dreamless nights pile up, I am allowed glimpses of dreams as if to “show” me that progress is being made. Yet the impatient part of me is struggling to see any progress being made. It has been at least a week (more maybe?) since I have had any significant OBE and the dreams I do have are quickly lost to me upon waking. I have also been waking frequently, an average of three times per night. Yes I have a baby who still awakens at night, but that is usually at 4am and only once. The other times I awaken suddenly and then, of course, must use the restroom. Each time my dreams fade quickly, even if I try to hold onto them. And if I do manage to remember a dream, it is usually lost in subsequent dreams and I cannot remember anything except a general idea or feeling upon waking.

Pulling Teeth

During one of my wakings last night I awoke very disturbed from a dream about teeth. Dreams about teeth are very common but I have not had one in a long time. Usually any dream I have about my teeth represents stubbornness on my part, yet this dream was unlike any other I have ever had.

In the dream I was with a man (guide?) and we were discussing a surgery that I needed to have. The surgery was that all my upper teeth would be pulled and then I would get dentures. I was not happy about this and very nervous. I remember asking to be sedated during the procedure and worrying about pain. I was reassured that I could be sedated and that, though it would take a while for my gums to heal afterward, I would be okay. I had to wait for my gums to heal, though, in order to be fitted for dentures. Throughout our conversation there was another scenario being played out that involved the man I was talking to. He was not being very honest, in fact he may have been a con man. Anyway, I remember thinking I disliked what he was doing and what he was planning to do – it was very wrong. How that went along with my teeth being pulled, I don’t know, but it definitely left a feeling that allowed me to remember this dream upon waking.

Here is what Dreammoods says about teeth: Common dreams: Teeth.

15957214_largeRebuilding a Car

I had another dream that I remember from last night. This one was after my last waking in which I had to go downstairs several times and eat because I was so hungry.

In this dream I was at a mechanic’s shop. It was a typical shop in a metal building with a large garage door. Inside were two men, but the one I spoke with most often was very young and reminded me of my brother in age and appearance, though he was definitely not my brother.

I spoke with the young man at first to talk about the car I brought in. The car was very vivid to me. It was the car I had when I was a teenager in high school – a white,1987 Ford Escort. My mom drove it, then my older sister, then me. My younger sister even got it but she burned up the engine. I recall its red interior and every little thing about it and in the dream I did also.

I told the young man I was interested in restoring the car and he said they would do it. We walked around it and discussed what would need to be done. I showed him the small dent in the fender and he told me the seats would have to be recovered. I decided to leave it white and he quoted me $1200 just for labor. I remember thinking it was reasonable and wanting to do it but feeling like I needed to ask my Mom for permission.

I stayed in the shop a while, going the refrigerator and making myself at home in a kitchen/waiting room. I remember using some milk to give to my baby and recalling I had left it there from a previous visit. I then noticed the table had some missing chairs and mentioned it to the young man, thinking the chairs did not belong to the table. I soon realized I was wrong and let it be and decided to leave the milk there because it was already nearly expired.

Interpretation

Cars have always represented life paths to me. In this particular instance the car came from my high school years and was with my family from the time I was 10 to my early 20s. It was connected to many life events and memories and the fact that I was wanting to restore the car suggests a desire to return the events of that period in my life and make them “like new”.

Mechanics and mechanics shops can be compared to hospitals (which are also very common in my dreams lately) in they they are places of “repair” or healing. Since I encountered a mechanic it is even more real to me that I was seeking healing and repair of a specific time in my life. The fact that I am concerned about getting permission from my Mom implies that I have some issues with her or that maybe she has issues from that time as well that need healing.

The milk is also very prominent in my dream. Milk symbolizes maternal instinct and motherly love as well as compassion and love. The milk is not sour or bad in the dream but I imply that it is expired which suggests a need to pull back on the love I extend to certain people in my life. I am not sure exactly who but in real life I have been distant from my own mother since we moved so I believe this is the person who I have withdrawn from.

Healing

I know I am going through a deep healing period in my life where I am again being asked to reflect upon past issues and work to resolve them and let them go. It is my belief that issues remain as long as their is a lesson to be learned from them. Sometimes they also remain because they are linked to others who also have not learned from them or let them go. We carry our issues with us like baggage along with our memories and links to the people we love. It makes sense to me, then, that even though we may feel “done” with an issue, the issue remains because some other person we love has not come to terms with it. As One, we all contribute to and benefit from each others healing.

So, even though I have been through my childhood time and time again, I recognize there is still something left that has yet to be recognized. So I continue to return to those moments. Perhaps the pulling teeth dream is representative of my view about returning once again to that time in my life? It makes sense. I am resistant to returning again to that time because I have gone over and over those memories. I am told, though, that it will be painless and I can “sleep” through it. So, perhaps, I will be continuing to do most of the healing in my sleep.

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Two Bodies – March, 2014

Of all the mornings this week, this is the one I would expect would have me in a good mood. Unfortunately, I feel very grumpy and on edge.

Why would I expect to be in a good mood? Because I had an interesting double body experience – well really it was an OBE but it was peculiar.

OBE #1: Two Bodies

It began with me being awoken by my husband opening the garage to leave for work. One of the unfortunate aspects of having a master bedroom located over the garage is that when the door is opened it is pretty loud. I heard it right through my ear plugs and so woke up with a start. I could not go back to sleep after that because the dream I had been having was so vivid and I was mulling it over.

About an hour later I heard my children wake up and turn on the t.v. downstairs. I did not want to get out of bed, though. I was so comfortable and it was chilly in the room making getting up that much more unappealing. I was a bit stiff so positioned myself somewhat on my back (can’t sleep on my back because I am pregnant) and stretched myself out. It felt nice and I closed my eyes just wanting to lay there and relax.

The next thing I know I am sitting in a large, open room at a table with two women. One woman is a counselor from my old place of employment. I recognize her blonde hair and mannerisms instantly. I listen as she speaks with another woman I do not recognize. They are discussing scheduling and I listen in, ever so often I offer up my opinion but am mostly just awed by the fact that I am sitting with the counselors and that, well, I am a counselor! I tell the woman I once worked with, “It is nice to be working with you as a counselor”. I do not recall her replying.

I look behind me as the other woman speaks to someone across the room. There is a woman preparing a projector as if she is about to give a presentation. There is no one else in the room. I look around and something about the space and the situation “wakes” me up. When I become lucid the scene disappears and I feel myself laying in my bed.

I have only my mental vision when I look around me so the colors are all variations of black, white and brown and the scene is very shifty, as if the room is moving in slow motion. This is the usual when I see with my mental vision, but for some reason I notice more about it than I typically do.

The room is not my bedroom but a similar room in that it is arranged the same with the door in the same place and about the same amount of space between the door and bed. I am aware of people outside of the room as I can hear them talking but cannot make out what they are saying. The bed I am laying in is very small, perhaps twin sized, while my real bed is a king. I get up and feel myself in two places as I do so – I am both in the bed and walking across the room to the door at the same time. The feeling is odd in that as I separate from my physical body there is resistance and if there had been sound (there was none) I would have heard the sound of static or Velcro.The separation is a particular feeling and I struggle with it. Why am I in both places? I want to be with the me across the room, not the me in my bed. Why am I separating so slowly and not completely?

I do end up walking to the door as if to leave but my confusion at being in two places keeps me from leaving the room. The separation ends instantly and I am back in my physical body but my consciousness is still not so aware as for me to completely wake up.

OBE #2

I look around the room and notice a man walking past. He has no shirt on and a white towel is wrapped around his waist. I ask him who he is and he tells me he is just passing through. For some reason I get interested in this man and invite him over to me. When he comes close he disappears but I can still feel his presence. I then feel my left leg and then my right leg lift up into the air as if they are being held or are resting on someone. I do not feel hands on me, though. The peculiar feeling of being in two places hits me again. I can feel both pairs of my legs and am willing myself to go with the legs that are raised. Unfortunately, something about me willing myself to move out of body shifts me into full awareness and I find myself settling into my physical body.

OBE #3

I do not open my eyes. Instead I think about what just happened and, knowing I could easily return, I let myself drift back into between states. The next thing I know, I am flying high over a highway and below there is snow covering the roads. There are plows and I am talking to someone about the roads. I observe a plow below me and follow behind, flying along the road. Then I look on the other side of the highway and watch as a plow flies down the road at very high speeds. A smaller truck follows behind swiftly and I recall that my thoughts were that these vehicles were moving very fast. I observe the scene for a bit, noting the mountainous terrain and then shift back into my physical body.

Realizing I need to wake up, I slowly open my eyes but am instantly not in a good mood. I tell my guides I want to go back and to stay. I get messages from them to try and get me to stop considering such a thing. One familiar one is, “Think about your life”. Another one I hear is, “You have much left to do”. I am not pleased to hear these things.

Resistance

While I am pleased that I was able to have such an interesting OBE, I am now very on edge and cannot seem to get myself going this morning. Part of it has to do with not being able to return and stay in astral for a longer period of time. Another part of it has to do with the fact that my week long vacation is almost at an end. I do not look forward to having to wake up early and come home late from work. I do not look forward to resuming my hectic schedule. It is nice to have nothing to do.

I also notice that I am resisting something about my future. I am not certain what it is exactly but I do have a longing to return to my past; to when I was so deeply connected to the spiritual. I miss that connection and feel that no matter what I do right now, that deep connection will not return for some time. I resent the things in my life that keep me from the excitement that spiritual connection brought. I was constantly learning new things about life and myself. I was astraling frequently and able to block out the bland mundane reality that was my life whenever I wanted. That is not the case now.

Part of me wishes I had never started on the spiritual path because now that I know what I am missing it makes living in this physical reality that much harder. I will always be longing for Home. Yes, I longed for it before but it was not a conscious thing. I didn’t really know what it was that was missing from my life. Now that I know, now that I have a taste of what it is that was/is lacking, I will forever yearn for it.

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Astral Space Capsule – February, 2014

I have not been able to get a solid night’s sleep in some time. So, of course, I have not had very many vivid dreams and no OBEs. I think this is because I keep waking up every 1 to 2 hours either from baby kicking and squirming or from needing to use the bathroom.

Baby Dream

Today is my first day of my new counseling job. I awoke at 4:30am from some weird dreams. Strangely I had slept harder than in previous nights and so it was a surprise to me that I remembered my dreams at all. I had a dream where I was in shop as a cashier and working with money. My husband’s boss who passed away last year was my boss and he was discussing giving me money. A woman stopped by and mentioned that her daughter was having her baby but that it was due in November. I remember thinking that there was no way the baby would survive since November was so far away. The baby had to have just be conceived! It was a boy and I overheard that the father was my sister’s ex-boyfriend. I didn’t say anything to her about it since I didn’t want to give her anymore bad news. The guy was a loser.

Later, I was in the hospital and the woman and her daughter were there. The baby had been born and had survived to my surprise. I remember hearing her talking about him and describing how small he was. She showed me a picture of him and he had large jowls like a dog and I remember realizing that the baby was a girl and not a boy. It also had a very short torso and seemed deformed. I congratulated the woman but the whole while was thinking “Poor woman”.

I went to the bathroom with a nurse who wanted me to tell her how long it took me to pee. She gave me a clock and I went in. I didn’t think I would have much pee but for some reason it gushed out of me and got all over the toilet. I frantically watched the clock and I saw it was at 15sec. Another gush came out and another still. I seemed to be full of pee! I noted that it took about 25-30sec total. I then saw I had peed out something weird. It looked like a piece of flesh. It had veins and everything on it and was about 3 inches long. I was horrified.

This part of the dream woke me up and I tossed and turned for an hour afterward with the dream on my mind. The piece of flesh bothered me. I finally had to get up to pee at 5:30am and then tried to go back to bed. I laid on my right side because my hand kept going numb when I laid on my left side.

OBE #1: Astral Space Capsule

My head had barely hit the pillow and I was asleep. But this time I immediately left my body. I also instantly knew I was not in my body. But, like in other recent OBEs, I had an almost frantic, full of energy feeling that I sometimes get. So, “the child”, as I call her, was in charge during this one.

I found myself inside a space craft. There were large metal cylinders that were moving and I was aware that the shape was circular, like a pod. I was in the middle and knew that someone was about to blow up the space pod. I couldn’t really do anything but wait as I could find no exit. I sat in the midst of these large metal cylinders waiting. The cylinders pumped back and forth, horizontally next to me. I had no fear. I actually didn’t really have any emotion other than being not quite sure what the heck I was doing there.

I then noticed more large cylindrical tubes coming into the pod from the outside. My attacker was infiltrating the pod. With each cylindrical shaft that forced its way into the pod, I felt there was a bomb placed inside. I heard an audible countdown as several more cylinders forced their way inside.It is strange but I had no fear of the impending explosion.

Still having the strangely overwhelming energy of “the child”, I somehow managed to leave the capsule at the very moment the countdown reached zero and exploded. I never even experienced the explosion. Instead, I shifted to a new scene after a brief blacking out of my vision, and found myself in an unfamiliar bed. I immediately flew up and out of the bed and down some stairs.

OBE #2: Christmas House

The place was unfamiliar and I remember recognizing that I was in astral but being concerned about the time. I consciously thought about how I got back into bed at 5:30am. I knew I had only a half hour before my alarm would go off. I also remembered that I needed to get up because if I didn’t I would be late for my first day at work!

I pushed these worries out of my mind as I went downstairs. Oddly, I could hear myself talking to myself, reasoning with myself about how not to worry. I recall a woman being there and most of this scene is lost to me now. I do know I was in a house and was dealing with my worries as I frantically flew about it.

At one point I went outside the house and decided I would spy on the neighbors. It was dark outside and I realized my energy level was low but I chose to do nothing about it. My vision was good except that I seemed to have hair over one of my eyes. I kept noticing that my left eye had a veil over it and kept thinking that I needed to brush my hair out of the way.

I flew out of the house I was in and into the street. It was not a street I am familiar with. It appeared to be in a suburb lined with multi-story houses of various brick colors. The house I was going toward was reddish colored brick and more than one story. It had a manicured lawn and seemed to be middle to upper middle class.

When I got to the front door of the house the obstruction in my vision vanished. The door was dark colored and had a tiny window in the top.  I remember worrying briefly that it wouldn’t open but I easily opened it. Inside it was dark but there was a small Christmas tree illuminated in the corner on my left and I could see the house was very nice, clean and neat. I decided to grab the tree and knock it over (not sure why) and then I flew up the stairs. Each step of the stairs also had a tree, but not a Christmas tree, more like a huge pine/fir tree. I knocked each of them down one by one as I flew up. Something blocked me from continuing up the stairs, though, so I headed back down them still with the overly energetic feeling.

When I got to the bottom I encountered the woman again and there was a rocker recliner. Under it were two children, a boy and a girl. I reached under to get them, feeling attracted to them for some reason. I remember the woman said something to me but I don’t remember what now. I grabbed the young boy and pulled him out, telling him it was okay. He came close to the other child, a little girl who was his sister, and licked her face. I remember thinking it was funny and told him to lick me. He licked me and then I licked him but did so in his mouth. It was very strange. It was not a kiss but an actual lick. I could taste the inside of his mouth. This grossed me out at some level and it brought me back to my body as I was rejecting the scene entirely.

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Wasp Nests – March, 2014

Another week at my new job and I think I am finally getting use to my new schedule and the demands of the job. The balance has been hard to come by, though. Sleep has been little but the last couple of days I have played catch up and feel well rested this morning.

Warning

I slept very deeply last night until my third wakening to use the restroom. When I got back into bed I saw that it was 3:30am and knew instantly that I would have trouble going back to sleep. I had a nagging feeling and knew my guides were signaling me to communicate with them. I had felt this signal prior to going to bed and had considered doing self-healing but opted to use my downtime reading. At 3:30am it seemed my guides had had enough of me delaying listening to them and so I did in fact toss and turn rather than go back to sleep.

In my frustration I finally asked them what was up. I ran into a guide that I am not familiar with, at least not consciously. I did, however, know to call him “Michael”, which surprised me. He was reminding me of the dream I had not long ago that forewarned me of this baby coming earlier than expected. I asked him why he was bringing it up and he said, “To prepare you”. I did not like that answer and it scared me. Fear is not a good thing to have when communicating with one’s guides so the rest of the information I got I will not share since I cannot guarantee the accuracy of it (too much fear on my part). However, I cannot ignore the messages I have been getting in my dreams or the feeling that I have had with this pregnancy from the beginning.

Running into the Past

I tried to go back to sleep but my guides continued to stay close. I had/have four of them around me but Michael was the most prominent. I asked to OBE or to at least get some sleep. I contemplated just getting up but it felt so good lying in bed that I eventually drifted off to sleep around 4:20am.

I found myself in a semi-lucid dream. I was in a bedroom that was unfamiliar and sitting on a bed with fluffy pillows and a plush comforter. I recall the colors were brownish and the room was dark.

I was in and out of lucidity throughout the dream. I believe that is why I was in bed in the dream as I was struggling to remain as conscious as possible and not succeeding completely. I recall talking with a man and the more I spoke with him, the more I recalled who he was. He appeared to be an ex-boyfriend of mine and I was happy to see him. I had been not so nice to this man when I was with him and I was apologetic. All I wanted to do was hug him and pull him close. I recall him being resistant but I convinced him to just hug me and get close. It was nice to be near him.

While I was hugging him I felt to be in two places. One in the bedroom and the other in a different place, a plain room with no furniture where I would talk with my guides. In this instance I was semi-lucid and we discussed my current lessons in life. I explained that I was not interested in graduating high school – I had already done that. I was told I did not have to go to school. I asked if I could skip for the day and was told I could. When told this I immediately became happier and more relaxed.

Then the scene shifted and my guide became my ex and he was taking me to a restaurant for breakfast. It was an old, white house. I thanked him for his generosity but the restaurant was closed. He then asked if I would take a picture of him in front of it and I instantly knew it was haunted. I took some photos and two older woman came by commenting on the place. I recall seeing images flash in front of my eyes of two older woman and thinking about the haunted house.

Then the scene shifted and I was back in the bedroom. I was sitting on the bed with my ex and began to think about my other ex’s. I struggled to remember them but did remember the face of one and watched as my ex’s face turned into the face of the ex I couldn’t remember the name of. I sat there confused for a moment. What man was I with now?? I thought of my ex-husband and knew he was not who I was with but could not for the life of me remember my current husband and father of my children! This concerned me and I got flustered. Why did I have amnesia??

Wasp Nests

Eventually I did remember my current husband but it took a lot of focus within the dream to do so. Once I remembered him I was transported to yet another scene. This time I was in the back yard of my Mom’s house, or what appeared to be her yard. I was talking with a guide who morphed into my current husband and then back again more than once. I was talking to him about yard work and we came upon three large, red wasp nests. They were not the normal wasp nests. Rather than being up high in a tree they were anchored to the ground and appeared like small trees. I remember thinking we needed to kill them but then was shocked to see that there was so many new wasps. Recognizing they had multiplied since we last tried to kill them I told my husband we needed to do something about them. I recall feeling a bit overwhelmed by the task at hand and thought about using a long pole to remove the nests. I eventually gave up, though, because there were so many nests and wasps.The feelings I had towards the wasps was avoidance and distaste.

Interpretation

Considering the feelings I was having when I had the above dreams, I am not surprised that I had encounters with my past and the feared red wasp. I was feeling pretty anxious about life in general when I fell asleep and so the fear likely permeated my dreams.

A red wasp in one’s dream symbolizes fear, anger and negative feelings in general. The wasps were not bothering me nor were they chasing me, which is good. I was merely watching them from a distance. Since I had tried to exterminate them in the past unsuccessfully it suggests that the wasps are connected to a long-standing issue. The wasps are also multiplying, which suggests that the problem is not only unresolved but getting worse.

Since I was with my current husband watching the wasps and their nests I believe the issue to be directly linked to my marriage. There have been some long-standing issues in my marriage for a while now and I admit I have not done much to resolve them. Recently my husband and I had a disagreement and it is likely that this was coming out in my dreams. I have been worrying over the argument since it occurred and have been having feelings of anger and resentment resurface. Wasps are symbolic of my feelings resurfacing.

I am also very familiar with the school symbolism that came up. I have been considering taking a break from working but have instead continued to work despite my dissatisfaction with my work in general. I had hoped that being a counselor would help that but my exhaustion lately and the paperwork that has been my priority has not been as fulfilling as I had hoped it would be. With a new baby very soon to be joining our family I have been anxious about finances and despite wanting to stay home with my baby and just “be” for a while, I am terrified of what it might mean for us financially. It especially upsets me when my husband wants to spend more than we have and I struggle with trusting him to be the sole financial provider for the family.

It is obvious to me that I need to devote time to building trust in my husband. I feel this is more a past-life issue that is resurfacing than a present time one and is one of my life lessons. Part of me wants to take the plunge and force myself to trust him by quitting work for a time and letting him take over for a while. I am overwhelmed and really just need a good rest. However, I know better than to push myself into such a situation as I tend to overreact and it can lead to bad things. I have to find a balanced way to confront this in my life.

Why is it so hard to put trust in someone else?

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Red Canary – May, 2014

Red Canary

I was not expecting to astral this morning when I awoke yet again at 5a.m. As usual, I was not able to sleep because of all my considerations about everything that is going on in my life. At one point, though, I remember thinking to myself, “I don’t care”.

The next thing I remember, I was having a conversation with myself while laying in my familiar childhood bedroom. Basically, I was still mulling over the things going on in my life – selling and buying a house, going back to work, my family, etc. I recall having a conversation with someone about everything but cannot remember the specifics of it. I do recall hearing numbers. First it was 24 then it was 5 and 12. In the background I could hear the sounds of a television playing in the living room. I even could make out what was being said and knew the name of the show playing though I can’t remember it now.

At one point I opened my eyes for a moment but they felt heavy from sleep. When I began looking around I saw this tiny, red bird right in front of me, probably about two feet away. From his looks, he appeared to be a canary. He was sitting in the branches of a bush or tree and didn’t see me. I turned to take a closer look, knowing that when I turned it could startle him. He did in fact startle and flew right into my face. I closed my eyes and could feel the touch of his feathers and body up against my face. I was in awe of the tiny bird – he was so vivid and beautiful – yet I was a bit confused. Why was there a bird in my room? And why was he sitting in a bush or tree in my room? Confused, I wondered whether I was asleep or awake and finally thought to myself, “I’m awake”.

Still not completely convinced that I was awake and my experience was not an OBE, I got up out of bed and headed toward my bedroom window. My eyes were not open but heavy with sleep and still closed. As I made my way to the window I noticed how solid I felt which convinced me even more that this experience must be real, I must be awake. At that point I was able to open my eyes and again there was this tiny, red bird right in front of me. It flew towards me and I ducked to avoid it. Again I was amazed at its beauty and how tiny, perfect and vivid it was.

Still convinced this was a waking experience, I headed toward the window and opened it. Then I pushed out the screen and attempted to go out of it. This is one of my favorite things to do when I exit my old bedroom while in astral. Outside the window is a pool and I love to jump in and swim underwater. I think I must have been on auto-pilot or something considering that is the first thing I wanted to do. But I was still unsure if I was asleep or awake. When I jumped out of the window I got scared because I knew I would fly out and into the pool and I worried I would drown. To my relief, I felt my feet solidly hit the ground but I changed my mind because of my fear of drowning and went back into the room.

Inside the room I must have crawled back into bed and fallen asleep for a little bit. Then I was awakened by voices. My Mom was telling me that the kids to include my brother would be leaving soon on a trip and that they would leave in the morning and return in the evening and do this for 10 days. She was explaining the details of it to me and called my husband by the wrong name – she used my ex’s name. This confused me and I remember thinking something was not right. When she said my ex’s name, a picture flashed in my head of people in sexual positions (no genitals showing or anything, just naked). I remembered how my ex liked to watch porn sometimes and I got the thought in my head that I need to watch some (really not like me as I don’t do that sort of thing!).

Not long after that I again began to question whether I was awake or asleep. Not convinced anymore that I was awake, though I kept saying to myself, “This is too real, I must be awake”, I headed out of the room. I could feel my feet hit the floor. Solid. I opened the door to the room and could feel the knob in my hand as it turned and the force of the door as I pushed it open. Solid. Yet I must have known it was not true because I decided to try to fly once I left the room. The doubt was there but I pushed past it and up I went without any effort. I was in fact asleep.

Recognizing finally that I was asleep and out of body, I flew towards the front door. Suddenly bright light flooded my vision. I had thought my eyes were closed! As I was able to see I could see the front door of my Mom’s house and saw that it was a beautiful day outside. I grabbed the door handle which I noted was exactly as it is in real life, and went outside.

The outside opened up with such clarity and brightness that had I been in a body I would have had to shield my eyes. I scanned the outside from left to right noting the abundance of trees and the lack of a road or side buildings. The trees, I noticed, had no leaves; completely barren. They were also very scrawny and of a specific type, what we call “post oaks”. They have small trunks and have whitish-gray bark that flakes off. The visual the scene gave was that of a ghost town of trees. Very desolate.

Though I noted the desolation of the scene I did not consciously concern myself with it. Instead I was searching for something. I wanted to find others. I wanted to experience astral sex (really this is not like me either!). I floated upward thinking of how I could find a partner. Since my vision was so clear I decided to look down at my hands. I could see them clearly but they had no familiar glow. They just looked normal. I knew I would not find anyone where I was so I decided to find or make a portal. Not knowing where to find one I figured I would manifest one, so I yelled out, “Portal”, hoping one would manifest in front of me. When none did, I felt an urge to go upward into space. Knowing that in the past moving up towards space has result in me shifting into another scene, I allowed myself to go up. Unfortunately, when I blacked out I did not open my eyes in a new astral scene. Instead I awoke in my bed.

Happiness and Harmony

According to dreammoods.com, a canary symbolizes “happiness and harmony” . It can also mean that there exists a desire for a relationship or that “a new relationship is blossoming”. I have never seen a canary in a dream or OBE, so this is interesting to me. The fact that the canary is red seems linked specifically to the root chakra and the energy it represents. In this specific instance I began to seek out astral sex after seeing the red canary, indicating that his red color is likely an indicator that I need to work on opening my root chakra.

In my case, I believe the canary symbolism is promising. Perhaps I am getting a message that happiness and harmony are in the making? Or perhaps the canary represents for me a longing to recreate or newly create upon my relationship with my husband. I think it might be both as they both ring true to me.

The Root Chakra

This morning’s experience awakened an interest in me about the root chakra. How much do I really know about this chakra? How often do I really work on it? Not often. In fact, I have been drawn to meditation and the ones that have been resonating with me are about opening the root chakra. Not a coincidence I’m sure.

I found a great explanation about the root chakra here. In reading through the site’s description of the root chakra I found this section interesting, especially when considering my own life and the emotions I have been feeling lately:

The root chakra is about you and life. It is not about mommy, honey, the tribe, identification, the tsunami victims, starving-people-in-third-world-countries – none of that.  It is only you and survival.  People who have open root chakras love their lives – love their physical incarnation in their present bodies.  People who pine away for heaven, future happiness, moksha; people who wish they were somewhere else (be it physically or in some allegorical way) define themselves as root chakra impaired.  So do people who are angry, fearful, cynical, distrustful, frustrated, envious, jealous, stingy – the list goes on.

The root chakra is all about food, air, water, shelter, power and physical health.  The ultimate root chakra failure is suicide – the ultimate root chakra success is empowerment and love of life.

And, of course, one of the specific body systems the root chakra is associated with are the reproductive organs. Considering I just had a baby and a major surgery that cut into my uterus, I am not surprised that I am dreaming of things which would help to open my root chaka. It is my experience that while in astral, those who are seeking out or having astral sex are working to unblock this very important chakra.

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Into The Deep

I was awakened at 4am by my daughter. She must have caught my cold because she was coughing but it was just the typical dry cough that comes with postnasal drip. She went back to sleep but I, of course, could not. Then, whenever I would start to doze off, she would cough loudly once or twice and wake me up again. So, I went to another room to try and get some uninterrupted sleep.

I tossed and turned for some time, thinking, “I should just get up. I’m too awake”. A song kept going through my mind by Saints of Valory, Neon Eyes (Into the Deep), specifically the part, “But won’t you follow me, into the deep”. I just kept singing it over and over and finally decided to stop. Then I got hungry so I had to run to the kitchen for a snack. Finally, stomach content and mind quiet, I drifted off to sleep.

OBE #1: Hotel

I don’t remember what I was dreaming about, but I know I was dreaming. What I do remember is being awakened by someone brushing against me. I opened my eyes suddenly and scanned the darkened room. But it wasn’t the bedroom I was in. It looked like a hotel room. I could see the windows, the door and the edge of the bed I was laying on.

I looked around for whoever brushed against me and I heard crying. It was a quiet, sobbing sound and it was from a very small child. I urged myself to get out of bed to help. As I slid out of bed, my astral body felt heavy, as if I were carrying forty pounds of dead weight.

I mentally called out to the child, telling her it was okay. Then I saw her. She ran up to me and took my hand. She was very tiny, only about two to three feet tall and looked up at me with big, tear filled eyes. She was wearing a pink dress that flared out like a tutu with white stockings that went right up to the bottom of the dress and pink Mary Jane’s. In the dark of the room, she seemed to glow with her own light and I immediately wanted to help her.

I followed her toward the door, still feeling very heavy. The heavy energy was pulling me down and I knew I needed more energy. I tried to summon it, but the moment I began to ask I rushed back into my body.

OBE #2: Negative Feeling

I immediately set the intention to return and I was back in the bed, in the dark hotel room. I got out of bed, my astral body again feeling burdened by heavy energy. I began to make my way toward the door but stopped. I didn’t like the feeling of the place or the feeling of my energy. This time there was no little girl and I felt a strong sense that something was not quite right. In the little time I was there, I gathered heaps of information. All at once the knowledge was there and I knew what the bad feeling was. There was negative sexual energy and it was focused on the child. There was a child molester involved in the energy.

Within moments of recognizing all this I was sucked back into my body once again. I lay in the buzzing sensation that surrounded me for a moment and set the intention to return again. Instantly, I returned once again to the scene.

OBE #3: Energy

This time I got out of my body quickly and with less heaviness but it felt like I was dragging myself behind me. The farther I got from my starting point, the easier it got. I reached the door and opened it, intent on getting out of the hotel room and leaving the negative energy behind me. I looked up at the stars and thought how nice it would be to be able to see daylight. Why was it still so dark? I wanted to shift to another scene, anywhere but where I was. And I knew that in order to do this I needed to free myself of the heaviness I was feeling.

I rubbed the palms of my hands together and said, “I need more energy”. The minute I said this I was hit with intense amounts of energy. I felt like I was buzzing while at the same time being shaken. It is hard to describe. It felt like my astral body was shifting back and forth very quickly.

I was disappointed to find myself back in my body as the shifty sensations continued. I thought, “What did I do wrong?” and realized that asking for more energy had not been the right thing to do. But what was?

I wanted to return to astral but there was a nagging feeling that it was almost time to get up and that I had things to do. Reluctantly, I moved and stretched out my body, leaving the prospect of another trip OOB behind me. Again the song repeated in my mind, “But won’t you follow me, into the deep”.

Note: It was suggested by other astral travelers that this OBE was in fact an attempted soul retrieval. This is the first ever soul retrieval OBE I recall having and I am curious if there will be others.

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I Wanna See Sunshine

I know I wrote recently that I was told while, also simultaneously knowing, that I need to stop going OOB for a while. Yet this morning I experienced more OBEs than I can count. I lost track after about my fourth exit from my body. In fact, I had so many that I hardly remember the first few, which is unfortunate.

Dream

Before my OBEs I awoke from a disturbing dream. In the dream, I was in a parking lot with a man who was stealing a woman’s dog. It was a brown and white Sheltie. The man had it wrapped up in a white blanket and was trying to drive off in his pickup truck. I climbed in holding a 22 caliber pistol strait at him and warned him that I would shoot if he continued trying to drive away. I stopped for a moment looking at the gun I was holding and thinking, “I don’t want to kill this man”. As I did, the gun shrank and appeared to be a BB gun. The man did not listen to me and began to shift the truck into reverse, so I shot him multiple times with the BB gun.

I grabbed the small dog and remember thinking how awful that anyone would want to hurt a defenseless animal. I felt so much sympathy for the little dog. At that moment I remembered my own dog, Trooper, and was filled with huge amounts of guilt and shame for how I allowed him to suffer before finally putting him out of his misery. The shame finally woke me up and I laid in bed near tears for a while, telling my guide I wanted the feeling to stop. I just wanted it to stop.

OBEs

I got up and used the restroom and tried to go back to sleep but I could not stop swallowing from a sudden onset of nasty postnasal drip. My body also felt very stiff and achy and the only position that was comfortable was laying on my back. Ugh! I am getting sick, I thought. The last thing I remember was thinking about my dog and how I was warned a year prior of his upcoming death. I was being hard on myself, telling myself I was “stupid” and “avoiding the inevitable” resulting in my dog, and me, suffering more than necessary. I remember telling my guide, “You told me, yet when the time came you were silent.” And I recognized this theme repeating in my life – being told of future things and then getting no information near the time the event occurs.

Cleaning Floors

The very next memory I had was being out of my body. I was in my Mom’s house standing in her kitchen watching the floor being cleaned by my middle son. It was an odd sight and I remember thinking, “Why is he cleaning the floor?” He was naked and had a white cleaning cloth in his hands he was using to scrub the floor. The kitchen furniture had been removed so all I could see was the brown tile floor and my 3 year old son cleaning.

I instantly knew I was OOB and so began to move away from the weird scene and towards the door. I wanted outside. Plus, it was dark and I wanted to see better.

When I opened the door it was still dark outside. I don’t remember much after this except feeling the familiar pull of my body. I also remember hovering right near my body for some time and having a conversation with someone.

Shadow Man

The next thing I remember, I was with several young people. I was laying in my bed and they were around me. I remember knowing I was OOB but I was too mesmerized by the people to really think about it. Everything felt so real and I was surprised by how solid I felt. It was so surreal! I kept looking at them and one took my hand and led towards a car. The other two people got in and I followed. The car was a small, red car but I am not sure what type, maybe a Honda Fit?

I don’t know where we went but I do remember moving in the car for a bit. The movement felt like we were floating rather than driving on a road. The trip is hazy, though, like I lost lucidity for some time. What I next recall is somewhat odd and scary, though. This time I remember seeing the back of a person I did not recognize. He was dark and I could not see anything except the lack of color. I was sitting very close to him when he turned around and grabbed me. I saw his face, but it was changing and shifting and I knew I should confront him because he was not real, he was me; my fears. But before I could do anything the fear caught hold of me and overwhelmed me. I instantly went back to my body. I did not awaken, though. Instead I opened my astral eyes and saw this blue veil, like a window curtain with light behind it. The light got brighter as I watched. Instead of following, I withdrew and allowed myself to settled into my body.

zebraZebra

There were several other exits from my body but they are all a blur now. I would leave, find myself in my Mom’s house, go outside and then be pulled back to my body. This happened about four more times before I realized I needed more energy and focus to make my experiences more worthwhile.

The next time I left my body, I opened my eyes to find myself in my Mom’s kitchen once again. It was dark but not so dark I couldn’t see and there were more people in the kitchen this time. All of them were cleaning the kitchen floor! I don’t know who the people were, but this time I spoke with them. I don’t remember what was said word-for-word, but it was about the floors and why they were being cleaned. The gist of our conversation was that the floors being cleaned were representative of me.

At some point in the conversation I wanted to go outside. But this time I wanted it to be light outside. I needed to see. I knew I needed energy for that to happen so I rubbed the palms of my hands together vigorously and said, “More energy please”. Then, I got the idea to ask for something else. I wanted to see what would happen if I asked to see my Higher Self. So, as I went through the door I stated, “I want to see my Higher Self” and then repeated it. When I opened the door it was still twilight but instead of seeing the front yard I saw a small, brown horse standing in front of me. When I saw him I was delighted and yelled out, “Hi!” and his name, but I cannot remember his name now except that it started with an “A” and was three syllables. Then I looked to my left and there was this enormous Zebra walking towards me. He was at least ten feet tall and very vivid. When I saw him I was delighted and said, “Hi Steven!” I noticed there were others with him, probably about three or four that I could count right off, but they were not as big and I don’t know if they were zebras or horses, just that they were all animals.  I insteantly knew I was seeing my guides and knew also they were coming to me in the form of animals for a reason, though the reason was a mystery to me.

As Steven the zebra approached me I got worried and backed up. The feeling was, “I don’t want this” as if letting him come closer meant something scary would happen. What? I don’t know. The minute I backed away I lost hold and fell back into my body with quite a bit of force. I immediately felt my pillow over my eyes and kept them closed as I recognized I was in my bed and there was no zebra coming toward me.

I Wanna See Sunshine

I knew I was still in-between states and could return whenever I wanted. So I made a plan. This time I would go back and I would make it light outside so I could see. I also kept the intention to meet up with my Higher Self.

I opened my astral eyes and found myself inside the house again but this time I was standing at the front door. I immediately went outside.

When I walked outside the door I was thinking about how I wanted to see light outside. With that thought I began singing a song at the top of my lungs – “I wanna see sunshine on my way”. As I sang, I noticed the outside was still dark but that there were sparks of light popping up and moving about me as if they were alive. It was like I was surrounded with stars or huge fireflies. The light moved around me and sparkled in the darkness.

At this point I saw that I was holding hands with my daughter. I was delighted! She did not speak to me but I could feel her little hand and see her very clearly. I wanted to show her how to fly, so I took her hand and pulled her up with me as I launched up into the sky. I was still singing at the top of my lungs – “I wanna see sunshine on my way”.

As we topped the trees, I looked down and saw construction machinery, bulldozers and backhoes. Each of them was sitting digger-1198220-min an illuminated bubbled of white light and surrounded by black. It was like someone wanted me to see each of the machines rather than the trees and land around them. The visual of the construction equipment is still the most vivid memory I have of this experience. They were very out of place.

Once I saw the machinery I noticed I was still singing at the top of my lungs, my hand still holding my daughter’s hand. We continued to face the machines as a force began to pull up backward and upward. I continued to sing as I noticed buildings and lights flash by us as we increased in speed. I felt like I was flying backward at hundreds of miles per hour.

I remember thinking we just passed San Fransisco and were heading toward the Pacific Ocean. I remember seeing a flash of the San Francisco bridge and the lights of the city sparkling in the dark of early morning. I then wondered how far we were going to go. Where were we going?

With my concern growing the scene blacked out all at once and I immediately woke up in my body. I felt my hands resting on my stomach and began to move them. When I did, I noticed they were tingling and numb. I also heard my daughter scream something and knew it was morning and my children were already up.

Hot Tub

Despite moving and noting that it was morning, I managed to find my way back out of my body. This time I was standing next to a hot tub. Inside it were two women and one man. They were lounging in it and I was looking at them and talking to them about why I was not able to stay OOB for as long as I wanted to. I could hear the bubbles of the water as it circulated around the hot tub and see the steam from the heat dancing in front of the faces of the occupants. I remember saying, “I am having trouble with having enough energy” and “I wish I could stay out longer”. The whole time I felt happy and at ease; almost bubbling over with joy and excitement. The people in the hot tub felt like family. In fact, I remember feeling a bit confused because I kept thinking of them as my siblings but they did not look like my brother and sisters. The man was very feminine looking, almost asexual, with dark hair. The women had light brown hair but I do not remember much except their eyes and how they looked at me lovingly. All three of them appeared to be quite young, probably around 20 at the most.

At some point I decided I wanted to get into the hot tub. I put my arm in the water and felt that it was very warm. I commented on its warmth as I allowed myself to be surrounded by the water. I then looked at the guy who was straight in front of me and he said, “What?” I said back to him, “You know what”, and went straight toward him, convinced that my energy problem stemmed directly from a blockage in my root chakra.

I woke up soon after this feeling a buzzing in my root chakra along with some mild cramping and aching in my abdominal area. I knew instantly that I was OOB specifically to help clear my energy blockages. I still felt sluggish from sleep and tried to go back OOB but my daughter came in with my husband telling me they wanted me to go out to eat breakfast with them. I still had the song I was singing in my head as I got out of bed.

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Cats and Kittens

I am not a cat lover. In fact, cats really irritate me. I use to like cats when I was a child but we had a number of our cats die in very bad ways and I think that put me off completely on the idea of ever having a cat as a pet again. I am fine that other people like cats and I am not mean to them if they are around me, I just don’t want one as my own pet.

Yet night after night, dream after dream, I keep seeing cats and kittens. In one recent dream I was playing with a kitten that was hot pink and I decided to keep it. In one of my recent OBEs I was presented with a white kitten and I cuddled with it. In my most recent dream, I went to check the mail and when I looked down at my feet there was a mother tabby cat with her four, identical tabby kittens. Then when I looked away towards the house I just came from, I saw another kitten but this one was shiny, jet black.

Considering cats and kittens are not my favorite, I am just a tiny bit annoyed.

Cats and Kittens

In dreams, cats are symbolic of many things. In general, they symbolize independence, creativity, femininity, and power. However, cats can also represent misfortune and bad luck if associated with fear and/or negative circumstances. Finally, cat carries with it a strong link to the feminine, so when one appears in the dreams of a woman, it can symbolize protection.

In my dreams, the cats I have been seeing are fine. They are not injured or hurt. In one OBE I was even feeding a cat. They tend to be tabby cats, either orange of gray, and about normal size. Sometimes they lash out at me, but I am never afraid of them. I just see them and take note of them and I always remember them when I wake up.

white kittenUnlike cats, kittens represent a transitional phase in life. They are the path to independence and life exploration. Kittens are playful and energetic, thus, they often are a message to bring more of these qualities into one’s life. Like all baby mammals, they practice the skills they will one day use as adults. When a white kitten presents itself in a dream it represents peace, purity and openness to new things. When a black kitten presents itself in a dream it represents fear in using psychic abilities and believing and trusting one’s own intuition.

I have seen both black and white kittens in my dreams/OBEs. In fact, recently it is kittens more than cats that I see most frequently. Every time I see them, I am curious but not overly excited to see them. They are just another part of the dream. Yet, when I wake up, the image of the kitten(s) is still vivid in my mind. I can’t help but think that this is because they come with a message, one that is obviously not getting through to me.

Cat Totem

After writing this post and sharing it, a friend of mine suggested that perhaps the cat was one of my totems. When I read her comment I knew instantly she was right. As I child I loved cats and collected cat statues. I then tossed the statues and my love of cats, but apparently the cat did not abandon me.

In researching the cat totem, I found many explanations but one in particular caught my eye. This website used Ted Andrews book, Animal Speak as its main source of information. You can find the website here.

“If cat appears in your life the blending of magic and mystery is at hand. A trustworthy teacher, the cat will guide you into the world of self discovery and transformation”.

“In Egypt cats were always given special privileges and were treated like royalty. In Scandinavia the cat stood for fertility, and in India it is a symbol of childbirth. In ancient times it was believed that witches took the form of their cats at night. Cats are fiercely independent. You can never own one: it allows you to take care of it and love it, but only on its terms. They come and go as they please, when they please. Cat’s medicine is independence, curiosity, many lives, cleverness, unpredictability, healing, the ability to fight when cornered, seeing the unseen, and protection. He also represents love and can assist us in meditation. If Cat is your Power Animal, then you have magic and mystery in your life. You are independent and a free thinker. You probably feel energized at night. You will stay with a person or situation until it bores you, and then you’re gone. You have a great talent for organizing things.”

The part in bold describes me so well!

Turtles

Strangely, amidst all of these cat and kitten dreams, I recall a dream very vividly in which I was handling baby turtles. In this particular dream I was taken to South Dakota to see the home of a very rich woman. I was carrying with me some baby turtles but did not notice them until I reached the mansion which was tucked behind some rolling hills. As I topped the hills I saw the mansion spread out before me with well manicured lawns and grand balconies. Between me and the mansion was a large, man-made pond. I walked down to the edge of the pond and deposited the turtles into it and then went up into the mansion.

I do not remember much about the mansion except the story behind it. The woman who built it wanted a home deep in the country surrounded by the rolling plains and far from other people. So this was her masterpiece, tucked away in the hills of South Dakota. I walked through the mansion and got the message that this was all she had and she was very alone, surrounded by her material possessions and very, very unhappy. When I realized the message is when I went to feed the baby turtles. I reached toward the water and one of the babies came out but he was much bigger then when I put him in. I fed him and noted his size. That is where the dream ended.

Turtles represent wisdom, faithfulness, longevity, loyalty and patience and perseverance. Turtles bring the message of turtle-636-640x360taking one’s time, being patient and persisting despite life’s obstacles. If one does this, they will make progress. Turtles can also bring the message that one may be “hiding in their shell” and avoiding life and the issues of life. When a threat approaches, the turtle withdraws into its shell and does not move. This could be analogous to an individual in life – withdrawing every time a threat approaches. No progress is made when one does this. Instead, they stay hidden, afraid and unable to move.

Considering the dream I had with the baby turtles and the message about the woman alone in her mansion, I see how the turtle symbol goes hand in hand with the woman and the prison she created for herself. She had withdrawn from humanity, surrounded herself with material possessions, and was alone. She had grand things and did not need to worry about not having enough, yet she was unhappy and devoid of life. Perhaps me feeding the baby turtles was to show me that I was feeding such characteristics within myself? Yet, when I recall the dream, the feeling of it was of peace and sanctuary. The pond where I deposited the turtles was large, dark and calm. To look at it made me very calm. I can only guess then what it all meant and the feeling of it still haunts me.

Sam

Finally, I am haunted by a particular dream that I had the night before last. The dream was very vivid, like most of my dreams have been since I stopped astral projecting. In it, I went to visit and old friend and I called him by name. I saw him and he reminded me Rob Morrow (the main character in the T.V. show, Northern Exposure). I was very happy to see him and we hugged. I asked him how he was and where he was now. He told me, “Georgetown” and I assumed he meant a city near where I live. We spent some time talking, though I do not remember what about now. All I recall is the image of him and feeling that I had met up with a long-time friend. I was so fascinated by the meeting that I woke up repeating his name to myself – Sam Sheldon.

I do not know who this Sam is. I wish I could remember his face more, but I cannot except that he was similar in looks to Rob Morrow but he was better looking. I tried a search on the internet and could not find anyone that matched the information I brought back with me from my dream. Perhaps the man from my dreams is not someone who is currently residing on Earth. Perhaps he is just a fictitious character created by me. Or maybe he is just one of my guides. I doubt I will ever know but it sure felt like a reunion with someone who is currently living a life on Earth. I wish I knew.

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Class Resumes

I have been sleeping very deeply lately and my dreams have been numerous and vivid. Ever since I was told/knew that I would be taking a break from astral, I have not had any OBEs, though some of my dreams have been semi-lucid. Unfortunately, I do not remember many of my dreams. This could be because I am back to working and my schedule has reverted back to early morning risings and less leisure time. However, there is likely more to this phenomenon. There seems to be some learning going on in my dreams.

Back to School

This morning I actually had a dream that I remembered. I do not remember it very vividly but what I do remember is helping me recognize what is going on while I sleep.

In this particular dream I was with another woman and we were discussing psychology class. We also talked about how close I was to earning my degree – only one more class. In the dream I was telling her I had already taken psychology and was mentally listing all the classes I had taken in my head. In my mind I could see flashes of the textbooks and very vividly I saw Intro to Psychology and Sociology. I could not remember the names of the other courses but knew they were core courses and that I had taken them. I figured each class was 3 credits each and figured I needed 15 credits. Ultimately I only had one course left to take – 3 more credits. I did not feel excited about it, though. Instead I kept feeling that something was off. I knew that 15 credits was not enough to get a minor in a subject, which is what I was working towards. Yet as I tried to figure it out I could not get my thoughts together. It was like I was completely ignorant.

The dream shifted after this and I remember being in the midst of a Middle Eastern conflict. I was still at school, but the building and surroundings were unfamiliar. All around me were white buildings and sandy ground. The earth was barren and it was very obviously desert. There were men directing people, telling them when it was safe to cross from one building to the next. I was given the go ahead to cross but hesitated when I saw what was going on. Though I could see no enemy and the soldiers were dressed in civilian clothes, something made me cautious. I watched as groups of students crossed safely. Some even lingered for a while when no gun shots were fired. I stayed, looking around at my surroundings. The ground was made of packed dirt and the buildings were white. I saw a large bus full of children, so I walked over to it. The bus was also white. I went inside. This is when I was awakened by my daughter yelling excitedly.

lifeIntegration

My interpretation of these two dreams is that I am in the process again of taking in new knowledge. This is occurring simultaneously in my waking life and during my dreams. There is also an integration of this information that is on going.

I am somewhat aware of this integration when I am awake. For example, yesterday I was drawn to send energy and healing to a young girl who needed it. She was displaying signs of being overly anxious – fidgeting, bouncing her legs and looking down at the ground. I asked her Higher Self for permission, and although I mentally heard her scream out “No!”, I knew this was not her Higher Self but her fear of the unknown. When I sent energy, I imagined white energy pouring in through her crown chakra.   Within minutes of sending energy to her, she stopped fidgeting and began to relax. I stopped to see if her behavior would resume, and sure enough it did.

Then there are the unknown aspects of the lessons and integration of them. Though they begin as unknowns, they slowly rise to the surface as I notice their synchronicity. For example, I was drawn to read this book, “Seven Weeks to Forever” by Jennifer Farwell. I have not finished the book yet, but last night I could not stop thinking about how the main character knew so much about her own future and purpose. Specifically, she knew when she would die. I found it no coincidence that I recently was reminded that my own death is not too far off. My thoughts were immediately interrupted by my guide who reminded me that I could choose. And for a brief time I was calm and filled with knowingness and understood why my guides have been repeating the message to me, “Think about your life”. I recognized that my guide was right, I will be able to choose. Stay or go. I may not remember the moment when I make this decision but it will be presented to me. And so I contemplated it and thought, “I could do so much”, thinking about my new job and the girl I helped who was struggling with anxiety. I thought about how a coworker reached out to me to help him help others with anxiety. He brought up meditation and we have a meeting on Monday about it. I recognized this was no coincidence and that I have been presented with the ideal circumstances to fulfill my life’s purpose.

All these thoughts and realizations came together in mere seconds yet I felt as it I had been contemplating it all for days. And I had, though I was not aware of it. This moment of acute awareness and recognition of it all is the moment it integrates and becomes one with the me in this body. It is hard to explain, but if you experience you will understand. It is not an “ah-ha” moment, it is an “I know” moment. And it is instantaneous yet it has always been.

Another strange thing is that when I am alone and have no pressing responsibilities to fulfill, my mind is blank and even if I try to direct my thoughts to something spiritual, I stop and resume thinking of nothing. In this time my body feels unsettled but not with anxiety. It feels as if there is an energy that has yet to be released, as if it is trapped inside waiting to get out. I do nothing to move it though, because I am not led to do this. Instead it happens in my sleep, slowly. Thus, I have been experiencing sexual dreams on a nightly basis. At first I resisted these dreams but lately I have been impatient for them. This morning when I questioned this occurrence, my guide simply replied, “You need it”.

I have also been awakened by nightmares where when I wake I am so distraught it takes me a while to differentiate between dream and reality. My guide says this is the pain I carry inside me and that they are working to help me release it. Perhaps it is linked to the sexual dreams since this is the domain of the root chakra?

Processing

I sense that I am also in the midst of processing everything to make sense of it. This is on the mental level, of course. Spiritually, I do not need to “make sense” of it, but being in this body and in this physical state, it is how I keep all the information organized and usable. It can be overwhelming and in the past, when I have been in similar states, it has pushed me to the brink of insanity. In fact, last night when my guide began communicating with me, I instinctively knew that I should not rush the process (whatever it is). I should take my time, listen and integrate the bits and pieces as they come to me. Eventually it will all start to make more and more sense.

Already I can see what the future holds for the new, more aware individuals coming into life. I couldn’t help but wonder about the young girl I sent healing to. She appeared so overwhelmed with life. I saw myself in her, except that I am over twice her age. I couldn’t imagine being in her shoes at such a young age. I could only guess that the reason she is feeling so overwhelmed is not because she has too much to do, but because she is being bombarded with energy, feelings and sensations she is unprepared to handle. In fact, the feeling I got from her is that she is wide open, similar to how I was during my mid-twenties. I have also recently met others who face similar obstacles. And I wonder, how many other children will I meet that are going through the same thing? And in thinking about all of this, I feel drawn to help, and I begin brainstorming ways to help them.

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Underground Warehouse – July, 2014

This week has been exhausting. My mornings start at 5:30am and I often do not get to bed until 10:30-11pm. Then my baby wakes up 2-3 times a night, so my sleep is continually interrupted even with the help of my husband. It is no wonder that last night, after being woken up for the fourth time, I crawled out of bed and carried a pillow and blanket to my son’s room to try and get some sleep.

Noticing I had left and obviously sleep deprived himself, my husband stomped into the room and left baby with me, yelling something at me that I could not hear through my earplugs. Realizing I wouldn’t get anymore sleep I got up and took baby back into our bedroom and then went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. It was 6am by that time I had given up on sleep yet I did not want to get up. Since baby was back asleep, I went back to my son’s room and laid down on his bed.

I was obviously upset. My whole body felt stiff and thoughts were running through my head about how to figure out how I could get a reprieve. I felt like there was no where to go to get some peace and quiet. Although my commute and time at work is time alone it is not a relaxing time. So, all I could think about was how to find time for myself, but I couldn’t see that happening.

As my thoughts raced I realized that time alone just wasn’t going to happen. I kept thinking over and over, “I want out”. At the time I felt unable to control these thoughts. Although I have been ultra busy and exhausted these last two weeks, my mood has been high even when at my tiredest. I guess it caught up to me.

After what seemed like a long time, I suddenly noticed that my body was no longer tense. Instead my body felt relaxed and almost floaty. It was then that I heard my guide say, “You feel better now, don’t you?” The thoughts were gone and I began to hear the words to the Lumineers song Stubborn Love going through my mind – “Keep you head up, my love”. Recognizing that I could finally sleep, I drifted off.

Underground Warehouse

I soon found myself in a semi-lucid dream walking towards a house. I was with some others and we were talking about the house as if it were the new house we just moved into but it didn’t look anything like our new home. It was brown instead of white and seemed dark and gloomy. It was also dark outside.

Inside I was drowsy and not fully alert. My mind felt foggy as I drifted down our stairs to the kitchen. My husband was there with our children and I went to the table to eat dinner with them. The entire time I felt like

I did not belong there; like a stranger in a strange new place. The feeling became strong, so I left the table and went to the bar to eat. I looked down at the pasta I was eating and then felt eyes on me. It was my husband giving me a questioning look. I told him I preferred to eat at the bar. 

The feeling of the dream was similar to how I felt when I fell asleep – I wanted out. So I walked outside and into the road where there were some parked cars. It was twilight and for some reason I was carrying in my hand a piece of bread.

As I walked farther out into the road, a orange striped cat came running towards me and grabbed onto the bread. I let it go so he could have it and noticed the cat was young, maybe only 1 year old, and very hungry. I told him he could have the bread and watched as he growled defensively and began to devour it. That was when I saw another cat of similar age come out, a little black tabby. I remember thinking the cats were abandoned and that we could give them a good home. I walked toward them and spoke softly to them so as to not scare them. That was when I noticed that the piece of bread was now a little black and white hamster. Not wanting it to die, I quickly gathered it up in my hands before they decided to eat it.

The scene went dark and I soon found myself walking outside of the house with a man. He was talking about a basement and showing me the door. I walked over the top of the basement, a large concrete slab, remarking that it might be a tornado shelter but soon decided it was too large for that.

We descended stairs and inside I was surprised to find a huge warehouse structure with steel beams. It was enormous! There were various objects around and I remember thinking about how we could use the space and talking about putting our trampoline in there as well as a weight room. As I looked around me, I remember seeing an old, white 1950s car (corvette?) and baby toys among other things. I also saw mechanic’s tools and a crane. There were others with me, both male and female, and I talked with them though I don’t remember what we talked about.

 As we talked, I kept feeling like I wanted to sleep but managed to stay awake. I believe this sleepiness is a result of my awareness shifting. I remember at one point I saw my husband holding our baby the wrong way and swooped in to save him from falling. This woke me up quite a bit and my awareness heightened.

As I was preparing to leave the warehouse I saw an adjoining warehouse just as big, if not bigger, than the one we were in. They called it the “game room” and I could see that it had a large air hockey set up where the figures were about half the size of a grown man. At first I was not interested in it but finally I went closer to see it. I noticed the platform that was holding the set up was partly broken down. I never went into the room. I recall telling my guides several times throughout this dream sequence, “I don’t want to be here” and “I want to stay”. The first statement at first seemed that I did not want to be in the dream but as the dream progressed I realized I was referring to being in this life, with my family, at this particular moment. The latter statement referred to me staying with my guides.

Astral Message

Recognizing that I was in a dream, I began to take control of my surroundings. The scene in front of me once again blacked out and I could feel the familiar shift in energy that comes from moving from one level to the next. I did not resist and allowed myself to make the transition.

When my vision returned I was standing in my son’s bedroom looking at the window, most likely very near my sleeping physical body (I wish I had thought to look at it!). I moved toward the window and  raised the blinds. I looked out and saw that my front yard was dusted with a light dusting of snow. It was sparkling and brilliant, appearing almost like tiny diamonds below me. I recall thinking the snow was not normal; that it must mean something but could not figure out exactly what.

Excited to get out of the house and explore, I opened the window and pushed out the screen. Standing on the edge of the window I peered down at what appeared to be a huge drop down to the snow below. I looked across at our oak tree and saw a pear, ripe for the picking, sparkling with specks of ice. I intended to pick the pear and for a moment hesitated, worrying I would drop to the ground instead of fly. Discarding my doubt I jumped out of the window.

At first I did fly but soon found myself pulled towards the ground. It was as if I were being led down – a very gradual downward pull/nudge. When I reached the ground I immediately bounced back up, willing myself to fly up and over the neighborhood . Yet I hesitated. Instead I looked down at the dusting of sparkling snow below and felt like I needed to go down this time.

When I got down to ground level I was met by two women who were standing in front of my garage. I knew them and greeted them enthusiastically, saying, “Hi!”. Both women were short. One was approximately 5ft tall and the other just a bit taller than that. I seemed to tower above them both.

The shorter woman had salt and pepper hair that was cut short in the typical style women in their 50s will wear. She reminded me of a woman I know in real life. She replied back to me, “Hi Dayna”. She was the one who was doing most of the talking although the other woman stayed close.

I told her, “I want to stay” but I did not have any feelings of sadness. It was just a statement of fact.

The woman smiled and said, “I know but you need to play the game”. I remember holding onto the word “game” and thinking to myself, “She called it a game”.

Although I don’t remember the rest of what she told me, I do remember that her message was clear. I could not stay there with them. I had things to do. I would get rest soon and just needed to be patient.

While the shorter woman was talking, another taller woman approached us from the side. She had been there all along but I had not really focused on her. She was very tall, probably about 6ft, and had short blonde hair. She appeared to be in her 40s and I would describe her as very German-like. Her demeanor was that of a very strong woman and she held herself very tall and stiff. I laugh now to think about her, as she looks almost identical to an actress (don’t know her name) who often plays German female characters who are strict and dictatorial. I remember that she seemed very displeased with what was going on. I got the distinct feeling that I was not suppose to be there and she was unhappy that I had been allowed to return and meet with them. I didn’t understand this and did not linger on it. I could care less that she was unhappy with me. I was there!

The three of them stood there with me and I was completely happy to be in their company. I turned and hugged each of them enthusiastically, kneeling down to hug the shorter of the three. I remember that when I hugged the tall, blonde that her stiffness softened and she hugged me back. I excitedly called out their names, calling the short woman “Mary” and the tall woman, “Christina”. When I called the short woman Mary I changed my mind and said, “No, it’s Maria”. She nodded and said, “Yes, Maria”. This pleased me to no end and I was just happy being there in their company.

It was then that Maria began to walk away with the other two. I watched her leave and then she stopped and turned around. She said to me, “Just remember to….” but stopped. I said, “What?” She seemed to reconsider her words and said, “Never mind. Just tell Daniella….” but again she stopped. I got the feeling she did not want me to remember and so stopped as I was holding on to every word she said with quite a bit of interest.

I do recall repeating what they said in my mind several times in order to remember. When she said the name Daniella I was confused. I thought, Who is Daniella? I don’t know her.

The scene went black as Maria walked away and I felt the familiar pull back into my body. As my energy settled I opened my eyes and realized I had been OOB.

Considerations

This is the first time I have had an astral experience like this (that I can remember anyway). Usually I do not get pulled toward the ground. In fact, I usually feel the opposite – pulled up. And never has my astral trip been so specifically focused upon me meeting up with my guides in such a way. Not only did I recognize these three women but I called them by name. Where were the familiar male guides I usually see in astral?

I can tell that I am advancing based upon this experience. I was very aware of the two different aspects of my Self throughout. There was the me that wanted to fly and explore (the “child”), and then there was the me who was purpose-driven and there for a reason the other me did not know about. Though distinctly different, the two were in harmony and felt more like two parts of a whole. I also seemed to know that my guides had called me there and then I remembered them and their names.

There was also so much that was not spoken aloud in this experience. The overall messages that were passed between myself and the others and between the three of them was that I was not suppose to be astralling at this time because it created problems. Mainly, it caused and increase in my desire to leave this body. I got the distinct impression that the other two female guides had chosen to speak to me and the third one was not in full agreement. It actually felt similar to parents disagreeing on how to discipline and parent a child, one insisting on following the rules and the other insisting on exceptions to those rules. Regardless, I was allowed to meet up with them and it was made very clear that I must fulfill my purpose before leaving this life.