Tag Archives: ego

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The End is the Beginning

Day three and I still feel wonderful. I am much more leveled out than I started, but the feeling is staying. Hallelujah!

As per my dream, I laid in savasana yesterday afternoon just because. My household was alive with noise – my children were talking loudly, my baby was crying for attention from my husband and it was quite chaotic. Yet I felt myself relax deeply and my third eye activate. Soon my crown and third eye formed the familiar energy helmet over the top of my head and I found myself fixated on a television show my daughter was watching in the other room. I listened intently. Focused.

Then a heavy blanket of energy seemed to descend over my entire body and my eyes immediately began to twitch back and form. REM. I instantly recognized the symptoms of trance and was blown away. Wow!

Vibrating

I have heard of others experiencing kundalni energy say they have an almost constant vibratory energy all over their body. I had never experienced so it was quite alien to me. I thought maybe it was the psychic chills I frequently get from my guides. But no, they said this is quite different from psychic chills.

Yesterday mine started, and they are still with me. They are subtle but I can tune into them and make them stronger if I want. At one point yesterday my entire body felt so alive, so full of energy that I was a bit blown away. There I was, standing in my kitchen, covered in vibrations! All I did was pause for a moment to take in my surroundings, something I have been doing quite often these last few days. I do this to increase my awareness of the present moment. Well, it is working and it seems to have initiated the all-over body vibrations!

Since then I have but to change my focus and I notice the vibrations. If I don’t put attention there then they are quite inconspicuous. I can feel them everywhere – not just in my chakras. I even felt them in my feet! hehe

Dream: Gospel Songfamaviol-1

This morning I awoke in tears from a dream I was having. In it, I was in a group of people at a type of ceremony honoring someone’s accomplishments. I had chosen a rare gospel song to play that was from the 1940s. I don’t remember the song’s melody now, but there was a part in which the lyrics addressed generations and how daughters and sons later became husbands and wives, mothers and fathers and then grandmothers and grandfathers. I cried hearing this, full of such an overwhelming love for humanity.

Upon waking in tears, my guide was close and calming. I was also covered in several energy blankets. One was around my midsection, one was around my head, and another was around my legs. In addition, my entire body was lightly vibrating.

I said immediately to my guide, “I chose a very challenging personality this life”. He said, “Indeed you did”.

I knew without knowing how that the life I lived two lives before this one was much more in line with my true Self. My personality (Ego) in that life was not resistant like it is in this life. It was easier to control and much more pliable. I had such faith in that life, such patience and understanding. Yes, the life was hard, but I had faith and held onto that faith throughout.

I was also a black woman living in the South during that lifetime. I have such a deep love and respect for black women in this life. They are truly the most beautiful of women to me. I didn’t recognize where that came from until I remembered that lifetime. Such faithful, passionate, supportive, wonderful, amazing family I had in that lifetime. They taught me the true meaning of family.

Anyway, I digress. That life I chose a personality that was easier to control. I knew that in this life I chose a very resistant, stubborn, overly emotional personality on purpose. I also knew that it could also be controlled and I was learning to do that now.

Energetic Transfer (AKA Energy Swap)

If you have been reading my posts you may have read one entitled Energy Swap. In it I was told this would be happening to me. I didn’t quite understand it but, as with all the messages I receive, I put it “on the shelf” and left it for later.

Upon feeling the energy blankets, I kept waiting for the energy bolt I have had in the past, but it never came. My guide said to me, “You don’t need that anymore”.

I drifted into the in-between during this time, enjoying the calming energy. While there, I was told some things by my guide about the merging process. I can’t remember everything now (I forgot it almost instantly) but I do remember he said, “You will listen more and more”. The rest of what I was told had to do with the exchange of energy that was on-going.

When I returned to myself I said to him, “I am coming into myself”. I said it with such certainty and knowingness. Now I understand more fully what it means.

The “swap” of energy is not that I am giving up energy, it is more like I am being rewired. The energy that is coming in, or “downloaded”, is more of me. As it comes in, it redirects and channels the existing energy and “flushes” the system. In doing this, a new, more efficient system is created. So, in a nutshell, I am regaining control of the human system and personality and ultimately it will result in a well-controlled Ego.

The End is the Beginning

I am already seeing the changes within myself. The biggest is the calm that overrides any ineffective, over-reactive emotion. I am more able to sit and do nothing and think nothing. I am more able to be in the present moment. I can distance myself from other people’s dramas. I am cause more than I am effect. I control my emotions. I control my reactions. I control my words. I control my thoughts.

The me and the Me are switching places.

Examples:

My husband used my apple cider vinegar to dye Easter eggs. I thought, “This makes me angry”. Then there was a counter-thought, “It is done. There is no need to be angry.” Then I thought, “I am not angry”. The idea of the emotion was created with the initial thought but was squelched before it manifested.

All day yesterday my husband was at work. He had the day off but chose to go in. I called him twice, asking when he would be home. He was happy and motivated. I had the thought to yell at him, reprimand him for not being home with family. That thought was squelched immediately by the “calm” which came in and overrode my intention to say something. Instead, I listened to him and let him be happy. There was no counter-thought this time, just the calmness. It pervaded my being.

There are tons more examples. These are just recent. Overall, I find these scenarios more and more common. My typical reactions to minor issues are lessening. The Ego-me no longer has free-reign. Auto-pilot has been turned off.

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Questions Answered: Message from the High Council

Today I had time alone to contemplate the current state of the world. I had some questions and was once again invited to receive communication. I am sharing what I received with you. The questions are not written out but you will know what they were based upon the answers provided.

Welcome and greetings from the High Council. We have heard your call and come to answer any questions you have regarding the present wave of ascension and energy shift on Earth.

There are those in power now who do not agree with the changes that are occurring on a vast many levels and dimensions. Yes, there are many changes occurring not just in this dimension but in the others as well. This integration and transformation requires much effort on the part of those who are establishing this change and directing it. The protestors to this great shift are many but their influence grows weaker every day. As they recognize and struggle against this realization, their efforts will grow in ferocity to control that which they have so long had dominion over. It is true that the current upheavals on earth are the result of these power struggles, however, they are also a result of the massive confusion that results as many individuals begin to throw off the old and open up to the new; the part of themselves that has been hidden lifetime after lifetime by massive amounts of life debris, or as is commonly known as karma.

The weather patterns are a result of the magnetic field shifting and yes this is the reason for the term “shift” that we prefer to use in regards to the ascension and the energy changes currently under way.

There are a great many things that you do not understand and we are here to help you to better recognize that this information is located within you already. All you have to do is but seek it out, so as it touch it and it will be revealed to you. The ego as you call it does in fact interfere with this obtaining of information/knowledge however it can be controlled as simply as by controlling what one thinks when it is thought.

The ego is a mental condition and comes with the human form. It does so partially extinguish itself in time as one departs the human body, yet its function is quite obvious: survival. It is the element of biological function of the human body and its sole purpose is to allow for the proper integration of the soul body into the biological form. Think of it as the control panel of the human body. It acts as an anchor of the spiritual to the physical and within this system it is very much needed. As the human body is discarded, the ego slowly deteriorates but its main essence remains with us to serve us in the afterlife. It acts as a reminder of that which we Forget as we descend into the human form. Without this aspect of us we lose our human separateness and we must retain that in order to continue the experience we call Life.

Your Ego may seem foreign to you at times, especially as you seek to uncover the vast hidden knowledge you chose to Forget in order to live this human life. The seeking of this Knowledge is not something to forgo yet you should not despair over its loss as it is only an illusion that one will recognize upon reentry into the spiritual realms. Yes, as you ascend you shall regain more and more of this Knowledge, yet it would not be fruitful to regain all of that knowledge for the purpose of this game is to Remember who you are, as you are and while you are in the physical form and within a state of not-knowingness.

So yes the Ego though a difficult and most challenging foe is also a very reliable and easily understood and predictable ally once you get to know it.

How can one fully understand the Ego and its inner workings? One can seek it out through reconnection with the earth and the simple things in life. It is the life force within us that recognizes the elements from which it was born. Therefore a connection to this elements will subdue the ego in such a way as to come into better communication with it and control it as you may like. However, the chaos that is the environment in which we live pulls the ego into disarray as it struggles to try and control and manipulate those things which it views as anti-survival. Thus you find that when you are “unbalanced” or as such not centered within the Earth, that your Ego comes out in its most unpleasant form and such acts as a barrier to your own happiness and life satisfaction.

So you may now see why so many who are recalibrating to the changing energy of Earth are struggling the most with over-active ego infiltration! (chuckle) And why as such you would need to be in nature, touching the Earth, immersing yourself in the water, filling your lungs with clean air and connecting with nature with every sense that you have! Can you not feel yourself in the mountains at this very moment, lapping up all the wonderful, powerful essence that is You? This is what so many are missing without even knowing they are missing it! And it is right there if only you would reach for it and Remember that it is part of You.

The increase in OBEs that some experience within this readjustment period is merely a remembering of that which they are and is not to be confused with the actual ascension process. Though one affects the other as a means to an end, the two are not a result of one another. The changing magnetic field of the Earth intensifies the processes that occur during body separation and as such makes it that much more likely that one will remember their many excursions from their body while they sleep. Yes, these excursions from the body are many and common and do also occur during the day though most do not (though some will) recall these instances. As the body adjusts to the changes in energy and the magnetic field flip-flops here and there in its own readjustment these senses of other realities will become flashes in the minds of many and may cause the already heightened ego to respond with even more fervor.

OBEs are in no way an indicator of one’s level of conscious awareness being more or less than another’s, so do not be swayed by those who adamantly insist that this is so. It is simply a fact that IS at this point in time and can be a wonderful assistive tool to aid one during the adjustment period.

As is customary in your world I will say farewell for the time being. But know that I am never far away nor am I even “gone”. I am just for this instant in time not a point of focus in your conscious mind.

Until next time, Horace.

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The Purpose of Astral

I continue to review my journal and have now finished reading the entire first binder. It is difficult to read what my thoughts were like during 2003-2005. I was really struggling! I am amazed that I made it through this time.

The Purpose of Astral

I do not write much about my experiences OOB in this part of my journal, but I write enough. My first projections were in 2004 but there is not much detail about the first ones. However, by the beginning of 2005 I begin to write more about my OBEs. Below you will find those entries. I did not yet know the terms Higher Self so I did not use this term. I added it in parentheses to help with understanding. I also referred to the Ego as “consciousness”.

April, 2005

As I fell asleep I was talking to someone and I could feel energy coming over me. I remember being told to let my consciousness go and to let go. I remember trying to let go and struggling with the notion of it. Then I must have let go! I remember feeling my body above my head vertically and then below. I remember liking the feeling and trying to get more of it, trying to control it. I tried to roll out of my bed and go on a journey but found it difficult and noticed my conscious mind becoming more aware. Again, I was reminded to control my consciousness and I must have because I heard the roaring in my ears and went deeper in astral. At that point I felt my body moving up and down again and then I felt it start to move fast, like real fast. I was thrilled because it was like being on a roller coaster! I couldn’t see though and remember saying, “I can’t see!” All I saw was my digital alarm clock showing the time of 8am and then the numbers started moving forward really fast to the point that I don’t know what time it was. Then I started moving in circles and spinning real fast round and round. It was so fun. I was elated.

I decided to throw my arms out to see if I could touch someone. I felt hands as I was trying to reach out but couldn’t grab hold of them. I kept reaching and finally grabbed hold of a hand. Then I started slowing down real fast and I was thrown into a man. I felt myself pushed into him and my head was right up next to his. I apologized to him and then realized I was hugging a man and I could feel his hairy chest! I knew he was dark haired and I was very happy to be with him. Right about the time I realized what was happening I heard a quiet, masculine voice say to me, “Quite a fine sense you have. The more and more…(I finished his sentence) you see, the more and more you will believe. Trust them to know what they see”. When I was about to ask his name I awoke in my bed still hearing his voice.

He had an accent like an old American or UK accent….He said he is my teacher, the one who has been teaching me about astral.

This astral teacher told me point blank that astral was being used to help me heal. He told me very sternly, “You know nothing about healing”. Ha! I didn’t laugh at the time, though.

A week later I continue to talk about my teacher and the purpose for astral:

I am learning in astral how to control my emotions/feelings and how to listen to them. I don’t hear or see my guides when I first go into astral. I sometimes go out and do things and other times I don’t. This last time I became conscious as astral happened and went with it. When I started wanting to do things I felt resistance. It was almost like a wall formed. When I stopped wanting to do my own thing and let things go as they were the resistance stopped. So I was learning about how to control my conscious mind (Ego) and to allow subconscious mind (Higher Self) to have control. The subconscious is not like the conscious at all – it cannot be controlled. It is led by something else, something we are not in control of. So I was actually able to see that difference. I think my teacher is here to help me differentiate between what my soul wants and what my conscious (Ego) wants. He’s teaching me how to get them in unison somehow, mainly by making conscious step back at certain times.

I am being reminded to balance the mundane and the spiritual. Balance is when we use consciousness only when we make mundane decisions. I am told to continue in the mundane but to remember to tune into my heart. He (my teacher) showed me my “center” and said to use it as I live life. He said the soul (Higher Self) will allow conscious to continue without resistance until the conscious is going the wrong way. Then there will be a “bell” that goes off or a “wall” hit. The soul is only there to help us remember our function and path.

thDifferentiation of Feeling and the Ego

I also talk about learning how to differentiate feelings and control my consciousness while OOB.

My guide was talking to me about feeling last night and I think he is trying to get me to understand that feeling is not what I think it is. I define it as emotion. But it is more like following a “compass”. I keep waiting for an emotion to trigger a decision and emotion triggering a decision can be way wrong. It is like words; communication. Like telepathy. In astral I understand the message “No, no, no” but I don’t hear it. I know it and can then see the “wall” ahead of me. The wall felt physical because in the spiritual (while OOB) you can go where you want but you sense change as vibration. So vibration changes and you feel the change in your soul…..My consciousness (Ego) is very strong. It has been given the right of way for 28 years. I have to slowly teach it to yield to my soul (Higher Self).

Merging

Finally, I mention, for the first time, the word “merging”:

It seems the reason I am bombarded by mundane right now is to help me use my soul in unison with my life. If you try using consciousness to make it (channeling) happen, consciousness stays in control. It (channeling) is like allowing soul (Higher Self) to come in on its own without [the] conscious feeling threatened. My guide is telling me to have patience, that we are working together to allow this assimilation. It is like merging is going on.

ReDo

I see now why I was asked to read my journal. A “bell” rang because somehow, some way, I went off course.

…the soul (Higher Self) will allow conscious to continue without resistance until the conscious is going the wrong way. Then there will be a “bell” that goes off or a “wall” hit.

I am again being asked to find balance; to control myself (Ego), and listen to my heart so that I may better hear what it is that I am suppose to be doing.

I now also understand why I have met with such resistance in my projections. I somehow forgot the valuable lesson I learned in 2005. The point is to listen to the Higher Self, or soul as I called it back then. To do this, one needs to keep the Ego in check. This practice while OOB transfers to life IN the body. What one is, so is the other.

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Ego Child

This morning my husband told me that he has been having waves of depression hit him out of the blue at odd times of the day. He said he had one hit him in the middle of the night and that the feeling is so horribly heavy that he struggles to not be overcome by it. He then attributed the strange mood swings to his sugar intake. I stopped him there and told him it is unlikely that sugar is the cause of these intense, unusual bouts of unexplainable depression. I asked him if he had considered that it was happening to everyone and widespread all over the world. He said, “You mean it is coming from the 4th dynamic? I hadn’t thought of that.” Then he paused and said, “That makes a lot of sense”. (The 4th dynamic is mankind).

I then explained to him how long I had been perceiving it and how it affects everyone differently. I told him that those who have not taken responsibility for their own life and issues and cleared them out would be struggling with past life and current life issues related to themselves and their family. However, those who have cleared most of that out would then be struggling with issues related to the world and mankind. So, in essence, his depression may be that he is connecting to greater world issues rather than something within himself that needs to be cleared. Though, of course, his own issues are and those of mankind are reciprocal. They are interconnected and so his depression is likely linked to his own issues related to how he is connected and responsible for mankind’s actions.

After our conversation I began to think about my OBE with the man who I identified as my father. As I have digested the experience, I feel that the healing that occurred by my sending love to this man was more directed toward allowing this man to heal and move on. Yes, the healing was also my own but is reciprocal. He heals as much as I heal. I have had this realization before as I recognized that even though one person may feel they have recovered from a damaging relationship, they are not truly free until all participants have also healed and recovered. Since we are all One, we are all connected in every aspect of our spiritual development, positive and negative.

I am certain now that this past father figure of mine has been carrying with him the guilt and pain of his many wrongs in the life we had together. Our relationship was one that started with love and turned into confusion, pain, misunderstanding and misappropriated emotion. The love he had for me contorted and became disfigured until he could not differentiate between right and wrong and so betrayed his own morals and beliefs while alienating and losing a beloved relationship with his daughter. In his subsequent lives he has carried with him the burden from that life. Currently he may not understand why he feels and does certain things. He may be haunted by a guilt he does not understand. He may be fearful of his current relationship with his daughter(s) and not know why. The extent of his pain is not fully known to my conscious Self but I do know there was relief in his eyes and acceptance of my forgiveness of him. Perhaps this will allow him to break free of the constraints of guilt and fear that have overshadowed his present life. Perhaps in his release I will also be released and my distrust of men, father and husband alike, will begin to dissolve, revealing a truth I have yet to see.

From 12 to 10 to 4

Last night as I prepared for bed, I noticed that the room felt very empty. I felt alone. Upon further investigation, I recognized that I had lost the 10 in Spirit who have been hovering around me since a day after I first noticed there were 12. I was back down to my typical “4”, and so it felt to me as if the room had emptied. Thus, I felt strangely “alone”.

With the exit of my council and the return to “normalcy”, I wondered if the man I was going to meet was the father I met in my OBE. It definitely could be that he was. My guide would neither confirm nor deny this and so I let it be. I no longer have the energy to contemplate it. I have accepted that I will just have to “wait and see”.

Perception

I have continued to sleep deeply and last night was no exception. I woke with an odd feeling that all the negative feelings – anxiety, worry, unhappiness – in my life was “someone else’s fault”. The feeling was very wrong to me and I did not like it. There was also an element of “unfairness” that lingered. Why was it that some people always seem happy while I do not? I recognized that a part of me felt that happiness was deserved and so if someone had happiness who did not “deserve” it, then an injustice had been done. The resentment I felt form this caused me to become unhappy, as if trying to compensate for the wrongness of the situation.

I did not contemplate this for long, but attributed it to the odd dreams I had about my family relationships, specifically my relationship with my sister. I now recognize that these dreams are the “work” that I am doing at a higher level and eventually the rewards of that work will trickle down and integrate with my present Earth consciousness. It does me little good at this stage to over analyze my dreams and OBEs. To do so would be like forcing a square peg into a round hole. If I my Earth consciousness cannot yet assimilate such information, what good does it do to try to force it? The end result is more of the same – loss after loss, disappointment after disappointment. I must have faith that the “me” at higher levels is advancing and that when the time is right and my Earth consciousness is prepped, prepared and attuned to the process, everything will settle and integrate. In the end, there will be a wholeness, though it may be barely perceivable at first.

The Ego Child

As I began to understand the integration process, I became completely disinterested in the things which I have been interested in of late. Specifically, sharing my OBEs and considerations with others. I do this for many reasons, one of which is to have my experiences validated by others. Although I do not want to admit, I seek agreement from others that my experiences are “real”. A part of me also wants to brag about them and has a strong desire to be praised by others for my “uniqueness”. I often have struggled with this part of myself. The Ego often wishes to be praised and seeks attention for being unique and “special”. My guide is understanding of this, however, and reminds me that it is “normal” and not to rejectthe feeling but instead accept it, taking care to balance it with understanding, love and patience. He explains to me that the Ego is to be treated like a child. It should be nurtured and loved. It has to learn much like a child does and it is my job (the Higher Self) to teach it by allowing it to stumble and fall as much as is needed in order for it to learn, all along offering support, unconditional love, and encouragement in whatever way is best received by the Ego child.

It is at this juncture that I recognize the purposefulness in my accepting the role of the Ego child via life in a body. It is possible to me now that I am indeed split into different parts, each with varying levels of consciousness. I am choosing now to be the Earth consciousness. I do this via the human body and experience things “anew” with a strong need to individuate myself from the whole. I seek to experience life via my own lens. This lens is colored with experience. All the while, there is a “me” I am not aware of that is watching, teaching and guiding the other “me” along their individual path. I am also aware that there are likely others of “me” as well. It also is very clear to me that this identification with the Earth consciousness via my Ego child in this body is a distinct choice every part of “me” made, as a whole. Once I am done with this human experience I will return and all aspects of “me” will be united as one again. And “we” will likely again choose the human experience as one of the many experiences available and the process will be repeated.

There is then the question of why I gave myself access to “myself” while in this life. I know this is not the first time I have done this, but it seems to me as if I am “cheating”. I am told this was purposeful and the plan is to continue this patterns until the Ego child is fully integrated. Once that occurs, the Earth consciousness via the Ego child will be transformed. It is not clear what comes next, but it is certain it will not be a path like any I have tread before.