Tag Archives: emotions

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Odd Thoughts, Feelings and Sensations

After six weeks of eating vegetarian, I ate meat. As soon as I did I felt sick to my stomach and very, very full despite having not eaten much. When I lay down to sleep I had a strong feeling that my eating meat was going to affect my sleep, specifically that I would project. Turns out, I slept very well and awoke feeling rested which has not been the case all week. On top of that, I was able to project six times!

Interestingly, my projections were very unreal compared to my past experiences. They seemed fake to me, but I don’t know why. In the moment each occurred, they were indeed very real and very obviously OBEs. However, there was something that felt very “off” about all of them.

When I awoke from them I was not happy about having them. I have already written about the strong feelings I have now since having these projections. I feel that “someone” or some group of someones is purposefully trying to distract me from something through these experiences. I know this is completely out of character for me, but that is how it feels.

Odd Feelings, Thoughts and Sensations

For a while now I have been having thoughts of this life, this reality, being unreal. These thoughts are random and have been increasing in frequency over the past two months.

Examples of such thoughts:

  • I will look at the sky and feel very tiny, almost insignificant while at the same time feel to be watching myself from high above where I am three times the size of Earth. The resulting feeling is that I will disappear or disintegrate. Vanish. Poof!
  • Sitting with my youngest, I was fiddling with his hair and thinking how similar it felt to that of a doll. Then with this thought came a feeling that the experience I was having – the experience of motherhood – was not real and that all my relationships were similarly unreal. It is all pretend and the only reason for it existing at all was because I wanted it to.
  • At times my body will feel foreign to me. It is hard to explain but there is a sense that it is not mine; not me.
  • I also feel that I am being watched. By who I don’t know for sure. Sometimes I think it is Me and other times I swear I catch a glimmer of a person or a shadow moving past.

I honestly don’t know what to make of all this. I find it peculiar that my OBEs this morning had the recurring theme of death. In some my sister and mother were dead. In the last there were two heads poking out of the ground and I though instantly that they were dead. Is this a reflection of me feeling disconnected from this life and everyone in it? Is that why I had such a strange feeling when I woke up? What am I missing? What is happening to me?

I was warned that I would have strange thoughts and it is coming to pass. I was warned that I would feel different, similar to a newly hatched chick. I suppose that could be why my body feels foreign to me and why I am feeling so strangely alienated from my family; family whom I should have an overwhelmingly strong emotional connection to. It could be why I have such strange sensations in my body – I am overwhelmed by noises, the sun seems to sear my eyes and later in the day I want to keep them closed all day they are so tired, I have odd urges to be touched but at the same time I reject touch, I am anxious around people I don’t know and feel overwhelmed by their energy despite shielding myself from it.

On top of all this the line from a song is repeating in my head, “You’ve gotta take it on your own from here. It’s getting pathetic and I’m almost done here”. This comes from a Greg Laswell song, “Come Back Down“.

I am still not sure what the lines in the song indicates but it causes my heart center to pull when I think of it.

Whatever is happening, I hope the part of the song that says, “I’m almost done here” is a message that this will soon be over.

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Limbic System

While sitting on the sofa watching T.V. I had a sudden strange energetic sensation hit me. With the feeling came an all-over-body calm, as if I had taken pain medication and it had just taken effect.

At first I thought it was a download because it was centered around my head, but the sensation was not the same. This energy was wrapped around my head and shot down my spine, ending approximately halfway down my back between my shoulder blades. My previously sore neck was now relaxed and almost numb in comparison and my head felt expanded though it also had a strange numbness about it. The feeling reminded me of when I had a spinal block – my entire body seemed expansive and floaty.

I sat there in awe of the feeling, assuming I was receiving healing and grateful for it. I have never felt such intense energy in my head. I could specifically feel it in each of the lobes of my brain, specifically more intense in my right lobe than my left.

I enjoyed it for a while and then went back to watching my television show.

Then I was hit with an increase in intensity of the feeling and I sent out a query to my guide. “What’s going on?” I received back a feeling that all was well and to expect more of the same.

Focusing back on my show, which was a very serious (I was watching Fringe), I suddenly began to cry for no reason. There was a sudden sadness and a few tears, but they did not make sense – completely out of place.

I sent another query out, feeling a bit confused. I saw in my mind’s eye an individual standing in front of me and off to my left and felt from them that I needn’t worry.

Then I heard simply, “Limbic System“. I knew this system was related to the brain and I suspected it was linked to emotions. Sure enough, upon researching it I found that it was. Hmmm. This area of my brain has been worked on before (amygdala).

Currently

The energetic sensations are still present and I feel like I am a walking balloon-head at the moment. Thankfully, the feeling is calming and I am having fun pretending that I am merely experiencing some kind of spiritual “high” for the time being. The sensation makes me want to lay down and close my eyes and just drift off into dreamland. Of course, I can’t do that. Sigh.

I have to add that there came with this energy a strange feeling that this was E.T. related. When I asked what was going on, I sensed a being standing near me to my left. I could not see him and just assumed he was one of my guides. Yet, I connected seeing him to stories of alien abductions – I felt that what was happening to me was similar. I then immediately began to reject what was happening. I quickly calmed this part of me down, but it is still quite alarming if I think about it. This part of me feels quite violated for some reason. Why do I need to be “worked on” and to what purpose? Why is “someone” messing with my emotions like this?

It literally feels like I have been hit with some kind of energy beam from above. It is shooting into my head and down through my spine. My body is reacting to it like it would some kind of narcotic drug and my emotions are turning on for no reason.

All I can do is trust that all is okay. These sensations, these energy “bolts” from out of nowhere don’t hurt me or cause me to get worse. They seem to make me better and better and better. It really is quite surreal. Like something from a SciFi movie.

I feel like saying, “Beam me up, Scottie”.

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Emotional Objectivity

I had difficulty sleeping last night. I kept waking up and then slept very lightly.

Grandmother’s Funeral

I had another vivid dream about my grandmother. This time we were all in her house and her casket was in the middle of the room. I remember calculating the time it had been since December, when she died (which is not true, she died in May). I counted seven months which means it was July, 2015.

The most vivid part of the dream was going into the room where the casket had been and seeing all the boxes and things piled up. I was talking to my mom, the whole time breathing through my mouth as I knew the body had been there some time. I asked her, “Does it smell?” She said, “No”. So I breathed though my nose and it was fine. The closer I got to the place where the casket had been, the more I began to smell the smell of rotting flesh. I commented on it and my Mom said, “It does not smell!” very obviously irritated. The smell was very real to me and I can still smell it! Gross!

Then I was sorting through a freezer and my grandmother was there. I remember seeing her and thinking it odd that she was there but that it was as it should be since it was her stuff.

I awoke suddenly to hypnagogic imagery and buzzing energy all over my body. In the imagery I saw trees, a garden, pathways. But soon just fell asleep only to wake several more times and get very little sleep.

Emotional Objectivity

Although I do not recall my other dreams, I do recall what was being worked on. I awoke feeling unable to accomplish the goal which was emotional balance and objectivity. Basically, I was being taught how to have emotion without being the effect of the emotion. I was stating very firmly my opinion that doing this would be an injustice to my life experience. Emotional up’s and down’s are what make life interesting and fun, right? However, I know that I will not proceed to the next level without mastering emotional objectivity. It seems so impossible!

It is okay to have emotion but it is not okay to let your emotion control your experiences. As a life experiencer, we choose to come to Earth to master life and one of the biggest challenges is emotional objectivity. While out of the body we have no problem doing this but while in it, well we often get caught up in our emotion. I was being taught last night how to better control my emotional reactions. I can do it if I try hard, but it is one of those things that takes lots of effort in the beginning and it is so much easier to fall back into old habits. I am trying, though.

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Hide or Seek?

The energy is changing again. It is growing lighter and more positive. It almost feels like the cold air came through and blew away all the “hot air” which was full of anger, distrust, paranoia and all sorts of cluttered, chaotic thoughts. Perhaps this is just me that feels the change, but I suspect it is not. I even read an astrological forecast recently that suggests that coming new moon this Saturday is hastening in this new energy and that by the middle of December many of us will experience major breakthroughs in our ever challenging spiritual advancement.

Routine

I have been having quite a few spiritual breakthroughs of late. Most of these are occurring during sleep and so in the morning I feel much more balanced and at ease than the previous night. Last night I slept very deeply and do not even remember my dreams, yet I awoke in a positive mood and my first thoughts of the day focused on how blessed I am instead of how stuck. I could use to this kind of change! Yet I know all of this “comes and goes in waves” and eventually I must delve deeper which inevitably will bring me back to feeling knee deep in muck.

With the positive attitude I have been feeling a deep urge to alter my daily routine. This comes with a strong feeling of boredom and questioning of “what to do” with all this time I seem to have stumbled upon. Honestly, I do not have more time or less time than I did before but my perception of my free time has changed. Last night, after making dinner, cleaning up and preparing for the coming day, I noticed it was only 6pm and I had at least three more hours of evening before bed because two of my three children had fallen asleep. I had nothing on “my list” to do and so paced the kitchen for a while and stared at the clock. I eventually sat down to color one of my children’s coloring pages while my mind thought of absolutely nothing.

Later, after filling only about 20 minutes of my free time with coloring, I began to try to come up with things to do. My routine had not succeeded in filling this time as it has just come to my attention that I have it. I filled this free time in the past with school. Oddly, I longed for something to occupy my mind at that moment yet I knew more school was not the thing I desired this time. I could not, for the life of me, come up with anything suitable to fill my time! I eventually opted to spend the remaining time I had with my daughter since she was the only one of my three children awake. It was nice and I was able to settle but I continued to have this nagging feeling that I could be more productive. But doing what?

My routines have been my sanity for as long as I can remember, but what do I do when my routines no longer do the job? It is very apparent to me that I need something more. But what?

I am told that space has been created within me. This void has come about as a result of the purging I have been doing and will continue to increase as I succeeded in purging the old, useless aspects of my Self that I have been carrying with me. I no longer need the same routines to hide from myself because I am finally confronting that which I was hiding from. In the past I would seek out individuals who I could talk to for hours about spiritual and philosophical things, but even that is not appealing to me. Why? I use to love it!

Hide or Seek?

Routines can be good. They can keep life orderly. They help us get things done that need to be done. They get the bills paid on time. They feed us when we are hungry. They complete projects and goals. But routines can get old and stale. They can trap us in a box of familiarity. Some of us get addicted to our routines. We feel uncomfortable when they are are not followed.

If you are like me and find yourself on auto pilot, following life routines on a daily basis, you may be ready to change. Right now is the time to decide: do you want to hide or seek? Routine can keep us in hiding from ourselves and right now, those of us who are feeling the call of spiritual change will be feeling unfulfilled and empty. These feelings challenge us, but not all of us will accept the challenge. If you listen to your feelings with a desire to change them, you will find yourself questioning your routines. Will you seek out the answers or will you continue to hide in your comfort zone?

I ask you today to consider your own life routines. How do they help you? How do they hinder you? Do you find routine comforting? Or do you find yourself hating your routines because you are so controlled by them?