Tag Archives: feminine

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Opening to the Flow

Almost two weeks ago I started an online subscription to Kundalini Yoga. The main reason I was drawn to it was because I felt guided to it in order to help resolve the sluggish energy of my lower chakras.

The site I go to is for Guru Rattana called yogatech.com. Overall I like her energy and the classes, though long, are topic driven which allows me to choose areas to focus on. I have been focusing on the heart, the lower charkas and the feminine as well as the elements of water and earth.

If you want to try out some of Guru Rattana’s classes, you can sign up for a subscription that gives you 48 hours to preview the content. If you decide to do this, I suggest these classes:

Air element – Set Yourself Free.

Earth element – Awakening our Heart Center.

Water element – The Urge to Merge (Sa Ta Na Ma meditation at the end), Connecting to our Feminine Polarity, and The Flowing Force.

Meeting Life’s Challenges – Heart Opening 1 & 2, and From Fear to Love

Looking above at all the classes I think, “I’ve been busy.” LOL Yes, I have. Notice I didn’t include any fire element. I haven’t done any of those classes. I figure I have plenty of fire already. Probably better to hang out in the water element section. 😉

My least favorite part of the class are the kriyas and my favorite part is the meditation. My favorite mediation thus far is called Sa Ta Na Ma. I noticed significant energetic shifts when I did this meditation. My favorite kriya thus far was for the lower chakras but I cannot recall the name now. It is mainly sitting upright in easy pose, breathing in as you bend your spine forward slightly and then breathing out forcefully as you sit up straight again. Breathe of fire continues to be my favorite breathing/pranayama exercise, though the cooling breath is another I found helpful.

After over a week of Kundalini yoga I have noticed a significant decrease in anxiety levels and less intestinal issues (IBS specifically). My mind is clearer and quieter overall and my sleep is deeper and more restful.

yinyang

A Tool for Anxiety

An anxiety incident occurred about two days into my practice. I was driving to work and began to have an anxiety attack as I waited at a stop light. At the time I noticed a billboard that said, “Relax” and so relaxed and took deep breaths. I also began to move my lower body as if dancing as I sat in my car. The movement helps to release stuck energy. As I moved the symptoms noticeably diminished to the point of a very low level nervousness.

I have driven many times since and have found that if I feel into my body, listen to it and breath deeply that I can stave off the beginnings of the anxiety and keep an attack from happening.

Feminine Flow

I have been focusing on learning how to tune into my feminine side more. This means focusing on feeling the body, the energy of the body, and just flowing with the feeling rather than trying to figure out what a feeling means. I have to shut off the mind and just be fluid.

A week into my practice and I wasn’t sure if I had really accomplished much in the way of feeling and flowing. However, it was soon proven that I had.

A few nights ago I had a breakthrough in this area. As I was doing my nightly tuning-in I felt drawn to visualize the masculine form. I saw a beautiful, swirling aura of blue, purple and pink and was invited to feel into it like I feel into my own flow. When I did this I experienced a merging with this male energy and my heart exploded in a warm, deep energy that then shot into my lower chakras. I was able to feel the masculine’s desire for me as if my own. Also, it was as if this male energy’s awareness became my own and was all around me and within me. The feeling of the connection was deeper and more solid than I have ever felt. I kept feeling into it and the more I did this the more I felt as if I would cease to exist and become this energy. Therefore I eventually shifted into my mind and lost the connection. I could return to it and did so several times but the depth was just too much and not something I have ever experienced before.

I was so excited after this experience that I couldn’t return to sleep for over 3 hours afterward. It was amazing to me just how easy it was to turn the switch from the masculine, mental space to the feminine, flowing space. I liken it to shifting OOB. The sensation is similar in many ways. It is almost like I “blink” and then enter the new space.

Since this experience I have been paying more attention to my physical body and emotions, shifting into my feminine flow whenever I feel “off” in any way. When I feel energy stronger in one area than another, I feel into it, go deeper and allow the energy to show me why it is there. Usually it is enough to simply acknowledging the energy/emotion/physical sensation that is present.

The issue with my anxiety attacks is that my mind runs rampant and creates stuck energy by fixating on the areas that feel off. Mental focus sticks the energy there, almost like a taser beam holding it in place. Stuck energy intensifies, creating more discomfort or symptoms until it can be released. Feeling into the energy, however, allows it to move as it is meant to so that it can be fully expressed.

I have been practicing going into the flow around my family as well. It has allowed me to be more in tune with what my body wants in regards to intimacy, acceptance, compassion, love and freedom. Instead of judging what I feel, I go deeper into it. This reveals truth where perhaps before there was suppression, judgement and self-criticism brought about by patterns, beliefs and resistances perpetuated by the mind in response to a disconnect with the emotional body.

If you decide to try this, please share your experiences. If you have already done Kundalini Yoga or practice it regularly, I would love to hear about your experiences, realization, wins, etc.

 

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Aldyn: Old Friend

I finally got good sleep last night but still awoke at 5am, much earlier than I would like.

Dream: Meeting an Old Friend

The dream I awoke from was of me reuniting with an old friend. In the dream I had been in a game show that resembled the Price is Right. In it, I saw Alex Trebek as two people. The first was connected to a very long, fat, golden snake that appeared to be filled with air like one of those lawn displays that fills up giant Santa Claus’ to make them appear larger than life. I don’t recall much about this part of the dream except the snake and knowing that the person who at once appeared like Alex and then a woman was a twin of this snake.

I then moved into a dark room that felt to be inside a house. I know I was in the astral at this time but I did not awaken while there. A man came in who was very tall and had dark hair. I don’t remember his face or features but I knew him and we talked. He had just returned from a journey and we were discussing his taking of a wife. I said to him with surprise, “You were married again?” He said, “Yes” and there was an a communication that passed between us that this marriage had been short lasting only a year, like the many others he had. I also knew he had fallen in love quickly and deeply each time he was married but then when actually married each relationship fell apart. I knew that the reason for this was that his expectations of his spouse were too high and unyielding. She could not be what he wanted and so every time the relationship would break and end in a loss for him.

I hugged him, my head barely resting upon his broad chest. I said to him as I looked up at him, “I forgot how tall you were”. He appeared to be at least 7 feet tall and I felt dwarfed in his presence.

We sat down together on a sofa and I lay my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me. I noticed that I wanted to be close to him, a feeling I do not have in my current lifetime with my current husband. The difference was striking but I accepted it. I felt at ease with him and happy to just be in his arms.

Then I became nervous. My husband came into the room and I did not want him to see me there with my friend. I covered myself in blankets to hide. They were removed and I was laying there alone, my friend nowhere to be seen.

Aldyn

I awoke then, still feeling the confusion of waking without my friend there. I heard then, “What if I made you a man? What would you do?”

This question confused me and the dream came back to me.

Then I heard very distinctly, “Aldyn” and I knew he lived 400,000 years ago. I wondered if man even had civilizations that far back and if he did which ones were around? I then wondered if in fact this man, this Aldyn, was me and felt it may be and that it was him/me that lived so long ago.

Interestingly, the name Aldyn is Old English for “old friend”.

I then thought of the question I was asked. I responded, “I would play with it (meaning the penis)” and laughed. I communicated that it would be the first thing I did because I had always wondered what it would be like. But then I felt I needed to be serious got and said, “I would focus on how the body felt and note the differences”. Then I remembered what being a man was like and knew the thought processes were very different from that of a woman. It felt different and it is hard to describe the difference as it is subtle. It has to do with the connections made in the brain and how the thoughts are processed and what areas they originate from.

Then we had a discussion about why I chose to be female this life and the struggles that come with choosing to be female. I saw the challenge of the imbalance that existed between the masculine and feminine; how women had lost their power. I saw the lessons in motherhood and I cringed. The patience needed, the compassion and understanding, the need to tune into one’s emotions and intuition – all these things I need to enhance within my own whole Self because for far too long it has been the masculine which I doted upon.

This is what I awoke to this morning. So much of me resists the lessons I am here to learn. I see now why my guide calls me ambivalent.