Tag Archives: goals

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2023

Happy New Year!

I hope this year turns out better than last. 2022 was heavy!

What I learned from 2022:

I don’t like living in crowded places. I need space, a place where all I see is nature and the only sounds are of wildlife and the trees. 

I’m bitter and the only way to release that bitterness is to give myself more space. I don’t have time to waste on feeling that way. I prefer to focus on feeling joy.

I am loved. I am blessed.

Wanting only leads to suffering. Gratitude and humility lead to peace.

Silence is my friend.

Healing is possible, just give it time (and in my case, space).

Everything I need/want is right where I am.

The only thing holding me back is myself.

Listen more and say less. When I listen people open up to me and invitations are more frequent.

Abundance is a state of mind. 

What I accomplished:

I recognized and released an old pattern related to my relationships with my mother and siblings. It is not something that is gone completely but now that is it recognized I can prevent it from tainting the rest of my life.

We paid off our mortgage!

I’ve made peace with my MIL and our interactions are pleasant and enjoyable.

I’m developing a healthier relationship with money. I’m more generous and less triggered by it in general. This is a lesson that I brought into this life and continue to work on. 

2023

Last years goals were accomplished but I chose to not pursue the HD Analyst path because it did not feel 100% to me. Mostly the fact that it is profit-driven put me off, but also that the program asks that students memorize info and then are tested on their memory that really put me off. They discourage analysts from using their intuition during readings and want them to regurgitate verbatim what is written. I am intuitive BY DESIGN so this just won’t work for me.

The RV we purchased was not utilized by me until the very end of the year. It was only recently that I got to enjoy it. I spent three days in nature on familiar, family land. There are small issues that need to be resolved but all in all the experience was very good for me. I immediately felt relief and the time spent in nature did me a ton of good. I wish I had used the RV more but this last week was the only time I really felt drawn to use it. I’m glad I did!

I was not able to train a new AP manager and move into the CFO position. Mostly this is because I am not the only one involved in the decision but also because of the difficulty in finding a suitable replacement. What I learned is that the younger applicants are quick to quit if they encounter any difficulties. We hired and lost two applicants. The younger one, a Millennial, lasted a week and a half, complaining because he couldn’t get a raise (he was just hired!) and demanding to work-from-home. The other one, a Gen X’r, enjoyed her job but got odd sicknesses so frequently that she finally resigned (in two weeks). Both I had to train, which was exhausting and challenging. In the end I decided it was just easier to put an end to the search. 

So one out of two goals were met. Not good odds but then I usually don’t set goals anyway. In my experience, life doesn’t work to well when I try to force something to happen. It works much better if I listen and trust my inner guidance.

I am still not certain about my work path at the moment but I am okay with it. There are just too many positives, specifically that I can work-from-home and do not have to deal with people unless I want to. It feels like this is exactly what I need at this time in my life.

The RV still feels like a positive and I intend to utilize it more frequently. There are some minor repairs that are needed (no hot water for example) but it is 32ft long and provides one person with ample space to live, sleep, even do yoga or workout. I intend to spruce it up a bit and spend as much time in it as I can. The only hurdle right now is internet so that I can work from the RV. I don’t know as of yet if the wi-fi will be enough to ensure a strong remote connection. Since the location is so rural, the only internet available is satellite though my mom said a new tower was constructed (I could see it) and the company offers internet service. 

My husband is going to help create a spot for the RV that is even more secluded than where it is parked now. It will take some time, though. The land needs to be cleared, a road put in, and water and electric brought to the site from the base of the hill. Eventually the RV will be replaced with an off-grid capable cabin. I am super excited! But for now, the RV will work just fine for my needs. 

Being out on family land may prove a challenge in other ways. My mother has allowed my sister to park her RV next to the house. She has been living there since before Thanksgiving and there are already indicators that things may turn sour like they did last time. This family drama has been going on for some time. No matter how far away I go it seems I cannot fully escape it. This is mostly because my relationship with my mother. She often reaches out to me, confiding in me and asking my opinion among other things. As she ages I feel she will need me more and more. To abandon her is not in my nature. It may be that I have a lesson to learn in all this. Can I remain neutral while also assisting when needed? Perhaps I can also help my sister?

I don’t have any other ideas for 2023 just yet. The priority is that I get the space I need to heal and release the bitterness that has built up over a lifetime. I think everything else will fall into place after that. 

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2022 Goals Update and Other News

 A recap on the goals I set for 2022:

  • Train a new AP Manager (replacement) and then train/move into the position of CFO for our company.
  • Begin taking HD courses with the end goal of becoming an HD analyst.
  • Buy an RV to use to escape on solo trips as needed.

All of my goals have been either reached or begun. 🙂

Progress on the first goal has been slowest. I have been training to be the CFO but there was recently an unexpected change to the process. I have been unsuccessful in convincing my bosses to hire another AP Manager to take my place so I would have more time to devote to training. My husband tried to convince the other owners to do this, but his brother insists on learning the CFO duties first and then says he will decide what to do.

Just this week the picture became clearer when I was informed that I will be stepping into the Treasurer position which includes a move to salary from hourly. The Treasurer position is technically the same as the AP Manager position I already occupy, the only differences are a few other duties in addition to supervising another employee.

I’m not disappointed, really. I have wanted to be salaried from the beginning and felt I should have been “promoted” long ago. However, I’ve been told more than once now by the current CFO that her duties will be split between the new owners. 

How do I feel about this? I am okay with it and not worried. It may end up that I do take on the CFO position at some point. If not, my current job is not difficult. I can do it in my sleep. So, I will be fine either way. 

I’ve made progress on my second goal so far in that I have completed the Rave ABC’s course. I’ve not decided if I want to take the Rave Cartography course just yet or if I will continue on to take the professional courses towards becoming an HD analyst. My main concern is the cost and time of taking these courses. I prefer self-paced (so I can finish faster) courses to scheduled, 2 hour Zoom meetings once a week for six weeks or more. I’m not an auditory learner, so listening to someone lecture for 2 hours is not my idea of a fun time. The slides help, but the pace is so slow that I end up watching videos on my phone or getting chores done between slides. 

Some may wonder, “How can you learn if you aren’t paying attention?” Well, funny thing is, even if I am not listening or focusing on the course and lectures, I learn. It is part of my Human Design, in fact. I suck up everything around me like a sponge regardless of focus. Besides, mostly I tune out the numerous examples and personal stories of the teacher.

Goal three has not been a disappointment but I haven’t been able to spend much time in the RV yet. The two times I’ve stayed the night left me sleep deprived. The first was because it was too cold. The second time I slept in the RV my boys begged to come along and so I let them. I didn’t get good sleep that time either. 

So far the electric and water have not been completed at my mom’s. There are 30 amp hook-ups and two water hook-ups but our RV requires 50 amp. We can use 30 amp but it means we don’t have full power. So, my husband has been helping my step-father put in the 50 amp hook-up but it is slow-going. 

Other News

My Sister

Late last year I wrote a post about my sister and her husband trying to leave the state because my BIL had a felony warrant out for check fraud. Everything was quiet up until the beginning of February. The first clues that something was up came to me via dreams. I had an unexpected dream of my sister and BIL that woke me. I can’t recall why I woke now, I just remember that in the dream they had driven up to my mom’s house, surprising us. Two days later my sister posted on FB when she hadn’t posted or had contact with any of us for months.

Skip to last weekend. I had another dream about my sister, this time she was still married to her ex. It was odd and I wondered about it but didn’t think anymore on it. On Sunday I went and visited with my mom while my husband helped connect water and electric to the spot our RV will soon occupy. My mom and I sat down, had some tea and chatted. She told me that my sister had called to invite her to her son’s birthday party. During the call my nephew told her, “My dad’s in jail.” My sister confirmed. My mom showed me my BIL’s mugshot via the county jail website. He was booked into jail on January 31st. 

The relief on my mom’s face was obvious and I was – am – relieved as well. I knew his illegal activities would eventually catch up to him. I don’t know the how of the story but it doesn’t really matter. Whether he will have to serve the typical year sentence, we don’t know. We just know that as long as he is in jail things will be more stable for my sister and her son. 

Cancun

Some other positive news – I’m going to Cancun with my daughter in April! It kinda just fell in my lap. My SIL called me up last week asking if she could take my daughter with her to Cancun as an early birthday present. My SIL and BIL and their two children as well as a family friend and her two daughters were going as well, so I said it was okay. My daughter was thrilled and my SIL purchased her a ticket. 

About an hour later, while having dinner with a friend, I thought, “I want to go! I wonder if I can?” I immediately texted my SIL and within ten minutes I had a ticket, too. 

The amount of excitement I felt was unexpected as was the spontaneous decision I made to go. I have not yet felt any doubt about the decision either. I think it will be awesome and I can’t wait! We will be there five nights total, long enough to hang out at the beach and visit some of the local attractions. I would like to see the Mayan ruins in the area and visit a cenote (sinkhole filled with water) which I’ve heard are spectacular. 

One thing that is completely out of character for me with this decision is that I have no concerns whatsoever about how this trip will go. I have no worries about accommodations or the number of people or Covid testing requirements or anything. No anxiety at all. Usually I worry about who I will be staying with because their energy may impact my sleep. Not this time. Even with two of the children being very young I have no concerns. When I’ve wondered about this the answer from within I get is, “It will be fine” and I believe it.

Emergence

The end of February brought with it a tangible, energetic shift. All of February felt “off” energy-wise to me. I was antsy and somewhat stuck in the muck and mire of my monkey-mind. Then suddenly it shifted, almost over night, and I wasn’t. I want to say it happened around 2.22.22, or very soon thereafter.

When before my guidance was quiet and my dreams almost nonexistent, suddenly my guidance was back and my dreams became more memorable. One of my dreams was a Kundalini dream that I didn’t post about because it was like so many of my other ones. In summary, I discovered my “husband” had cheated on me twice – once with a man and another time with a 16yr old girl. When I confronted him, he took joy in recounting his experience with the girl and then tried to persuade me to be with him. I told him I wanted nothing to do with his penis ever again. lol Then, suddenly, I felt an electric, “fire” of ecstasy that shot from my root upward. I awoke in complete shock. My guidance was close, which I hadn’t experienced in a long while.

Another change came in the form of me suddenly being more social. When normally I turn down invitations to gatherings, I found myself accepting invitations. For example, our company had a reward dinner for certain office staff and I was invited. I agreed straight away even though it was last minute. Throughout the dinner I felt no anxiety or discomfort. I enjoyed myself.

Around this same time I saw a picture on FB that was painted by one of my FB friends. It looked so similar to one of my own that I almost commented but decided not to. A couple of days later the picture popped up again. This time I shared my own painting, paying attention to the meaning it help for me. The painting is of a ball of fire emerging from the dark depths and is called “Emergence”. 

I knew that the meaning of the painting was a message. I am in the process of my own emergence now. 

The 6th Line Transition

Recently, in my Rave ABC’s class, we discussed each of the lines of the Hexagram in detail. There were details about the 6th line that stood out to me as if to prepare me for what is coming:

As a 6th line in HD, I have spent the last two decades, “on the roof”. During this time I have been healing and recovering, preparing to come down “off the roof”. Coming down off the roof = emergence.

  • 6th lines begin to prepare for their “flowering” when they enter their North Node phase, around age 38. Their flowering stage is post-50yrs, during their Kiron cycle.
  • Your life is going to “flower” and take you where you need to go. There is no pressure, no rush and definitely no instant gratification. It takes time to go through the cycles, so relax into it. Don’t be in such a hurry.
  • When you’re on the roof you’re finally making money, you’re more optimistic, acting as a leader and an authority. But your Kiron is coming and if you resist, you can fall into “lethal” decisions.
  • 6th lines are always looking forward, always looking for the upcoming transition. Transition is what the 6th line is all about.

I find it interesting that around the age of 38 is when I shifted into a career altogether different than any career I’ve previously had in this life. It came about as a result of me asking the Universe to give me what I needed and it was given to me on a silver platter. I wonder now if the job I have currently is somehow the one that is taking me where I need to go. Will it take me to that place of fulfillment I’m naturally designed for? Hmm.

Interestingly, during the last Rave ABC’s class, the teacher took time to talk to all the 6th lines in the class about their Kiron Return – when to expect it and what to expect on the way to it, during and after. When she came to me she told me that I am probably already noticing the shift. She described how it could feel using her own transition period as an example, saying she dropped things and people from her life and felt a sense of nothingness ahead. She said she expected to feel this way all the time and then everything just suddenly shifted. People came into her life, opportunities flowed in and she was pulled along into a fulfilling new life. 

It sounds easy, but I suspect I will be one of those who doesn’t go willingly. It is advised to not resist or there can be “lethal consequences”. As Ra says on pg. 45 in the Rave ABC’s Student Manual, “But if the 6th Line is screaming and yelling, wailing in pain as it’s dragged from the roof, the gods are going to kill it quickly.” lol I can see myself doing this!

So, while on the roof, things get really, really good for the 6th line. This is definitely how it has been for me so far. My bank account is definitely “filling up” and I am in a position at work where I am seen as an authority. The only way I would resist coming down from the roof is if those things were taken away in order to come down. I hope that is not how it works. 

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One Goal Complete, One Begun

One of my 2022 goals has been reached! The other is well on its way. The last is still in waiting.

In case you didn’t read my last post, these are the goals:

Train a new AP Manager (replacement) and then train/move into the position of CFO for our company.
Begin taking HD courses with the end goal of becoming an HD analyst.
Buy an RV to use to escape on solo trips as needed.

RV Purchased!

As a git-R-done Manifesting Generator, my husband wasted no time finding and acquiring an RV once I pointed him in the direction I wished to go. It is one of the most amazing things to watch an MG work their magic. When they know what they want they go and get it.

A business two blocks away from ours had a 2004 Tiffin Allegro Open Road 32AB sitting in their parking lot. Turns out my husband knew the owner and wasted no time getting in contact. We met with him and took a tour and test drive the next day. By the end of the test drive my husband said, “We want it!” I stood stunned and it took me a while to respond with, “Okay.” By Friday it was a done deal and the title was our hands.

The seller and his wife are really nice people with good energy. It was obvious from the moment we met them that they have high integrity. One of the reasons my husband wanted the RV was because of the sellers. We know that if anything goes wrong they will step up. In fact, they already have. The RV’s generator wouldn’t start and so they took it to be fixed before driving it to our house yesterday. Then the sellers stayed for several hours showing my husband how to work it and to drop off a care package.

Now that this goal has been met I have set some other goals that may or may not get done right away. We want to upgrade the TV’s since they are the older models from the early 2000’s. This one will likely get done soon since it was my husband’s idea. The other goal (mine) is to get solar panels for it. It is easy to go off-grid (boondocking) but only for so long. With solar panels we wouldn’t have to burn precious fuel. My husband filled up the RV yesterday and it cost $150! So solar would be significantly cheaper.

Some goals are:

  1. Get a mattress cover and sheets for the bed.
  2. Personalize it a bit (starting with a good sage smudge).
  3. Buy pots, pans, utensils and everything else in preparation for use.
  4. Fix the cracked windshield (the owner is paying half).
  5. Get electric, water and sewer to the parking space at my mom’s.
  6. Make a small porch/deck at my mom’s that is easy to move.

At the moment, #5 is probably the highest priority to me so that I can comfortably retreat to the RV whenever I want. It shouldn’t be too difficult a task for my husband and step-father. There is no septic at the site either, which is a necessity. IDK how the current residents are handling their solid waste but somehow they are. They are likely utilizing the outhouses my step-father built.

Here are some pics of our new RV:

Rave ABC’s

I attended the first class of Rave ABC’s on Saturday. Overall, I found it much more interesting and engaging than the Living Your Design class and am looking forward to the upcoming zoom meetings which are two hours on Saturdays.

The first half was mostly introductions, which went quickly because only half of the students attended. What I found most interesting were the number of 6/2’s present! Almost half of the students are 6/2’s. The next most common profile type is 2/4. There is also another Self-Projected Projector as well as several other Projectors. There is only one student on the roster with a 1st line – a 5/1 Projector. Ha!

Compared to the profile types of the students who attended to LYD course, this course is much more in tune with my type. It will be so much easier to interact with everyone!

Some of the information that I found new and interesting from class #1 was:

  1. The information on neutrinos. They have mass and they pick up and transmit information as they flow through us and everything else on this planet. Three trillion neutrinos pass through every square inch of Earth every single day. We live in a vast neutrino ocean that is constantly bombarding us with information. Our neutrino imprint creates our Body Graph in HD.
  2. Astrology in HD pinpoints the imprinting. HD uses the location of Earth in its calculation as well as the time of birth. It also uses a second time in it’s calculations, the time around the beginning of the first trimester. Aside from these things, HD is entirely separate from Astrology.
  3. Astrology vs. HD – HD is more refined using Gates/Lines. There are 32 distinct lines providing a deeper level of refinement compared to Astrology. Each sign has 5 full Gates, and one Gate with 2 lines. Each sun sign has 64 Profiles with 64 unique expressions.
  4. The Hexagrams are linked to genetic code. There is a relationship (correlation) between the Hexagram, Codon and Amino Acids.
  5. HD also has aspects of the Kabbalah. Specifically, channels between the centers connected by gates. Similarly, HD has four levels of activation.

I really liked the teacher. She is a 4/6 Generator and her teaching style is straight-forward just like I prefer. I also like that she asks us to keep our video off during class so as to not create distractions for those who are easily distracted. We can certainly have our video on, which some did, but by the middle of class everyone had opted to turn them off. I’m not really distracted by other’s videos but by my own. lol

What was especially cool was that I got a mini-reading when I introduced myself to the class. Very unexpected! Like I said, I really like the teacher. 😉

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2022 Goals

Happy New Year!

This is my first post of 2022. I’ve spent some time thinking about what I want to create this year. Not new year’s resolutions but actual goals. This is unlike me because I tend to go-with-the-flow more than plan ahead with specifics. My husband is the goal setter in the family and I’m happy to let him be that.

Abundance

A big part of my process has been accepting my new state of abundance – “affluence” may be a better word. I don’t know why, but I’ve struggled with accepting this. It is likely part of my conditioning, specifically stemming from my mother and her parents. My mom even recently said something I’ve heard her say time and time again – “I know whenever I get extra money that something’s going to break.” This was in response to her water heater breaking but very typical of something she would say. My mom taught me to save and only buy necessities. She instilled in me a fear that the other shoe will drop at any moment and it has stuck with me despite a lifetime of trying to shake free of it.

A good example of my response to our affluence is that I keep taking screenshots of our bank account. I do this because I just can’t believe what I’m seeing. I think, “I better take a picture as proof” because I think for sure it will disappear and never happen again (the other shoe will drop). Then, only a short time later, I’m taking another screenshot in disbelief because the amount has risen even higher. I think, “This has to be a dream”, but it isn’t. It’s our new reality.

In December my husband and his brother began the process of purchasing a business they have both been employees of for almost two decades. This week they finalize this first phase, which makes them owners of 80% of the company. With this purchase comes new responsibilities but also newfound wealth (I accidentally typed “weather”, so that, too!).

To try and swallow the magnitude of change this is bringing and will bring into our lives is difficult for me. I’m still in disbelief. Screenshots don’t help. Nope. Somehow, though, I have to step into acceptance and gratitude, fully embracing this gift while remaining humble.

Part of my process has been to save, save, save. Mom taught me well! Ha! Thankfully, my husband, the spender that he is, has taught me over our 14 years of marriage that my hoarding tendencies can be extreme to the point of creating in me a control-freak, fear-driven, monster. I came into this life with these tendencies and my mother reinforced them. So, basically, the more I save, the more I feel I need to save, and so save more while restricting spending to the extreme. My husband, thankfully, has helped me to become more balanced in this regard. I still struggle with guilt when I spend too freely, but I am so much less worried and preoccupied with money in general now.

So, this year, if there is something I want to do or get, I can’t use money as a stop. But I still try!!! lol

Goals for 2022

In my consideration of what I want to create this year, I couldn’t help but think of how others would respond to the affluence we have found ourselves in – travel, new home, new cars, new “stuff”. I’m not really interested in acquiring new “stuff” and I’ve had enough travel for now. So, then what?

My focus went to how I want to feel and then directly to my need for more space.

My trip to Costa Rica last year was meant to help me get more space and I did, but I’m looking for something more convenient that requires less planning. I want to be able to just go when I feel like it.

The first thing that came to mind? An RV. So, one goal is to purchase an RV so that I can go whenever and wherever I want without notice or planning. I can get space, alone time and nature all in one.

There was also a sense that I need to invest in my spiritual side more. It is what inspires and motivates me more than anything else. Human Design popped into my mind straight away and I knew that was where I needed to focus my energy. So, my next goal is to take HD courses and decide along the way whether I want to continue on the path to HD Analyst.

The final goal is more mundane but still important. I have decided to accept the offer to be our new company’s CFO. It will require more time in the office but also give me more freedom in the long-run. It will allow me to hand over my current responsibilities to another and enter into a more supervisory role.

At first I thought I should quit my job and just focus 100% on HD study, but I don’t want to leave the company high and dry at this point in time. Plus, since I am technically an owner now, that would just be irresponsible and, well, stupid. In stepping up and accepting this new role, I step more into acceptance of our new reality.

Goals:

Train a new AP Manager (replacement) and then train/move into the position of CFO for our company.
Begin taking HD courses with the end goal of becoming an HD analyst.
Buy an RV to use to escape on solo trips as needed.

New Oracle Deck

My friend visited over the holidays and gave me a new oracle deck! It is called the Starseed Oracle. I broke it in by drawing a card for the new year. This is the card I drew:

The card description says this is an invitation to “jump in” with courage. Don’t ask for permission, don’t stall until you feel ready. It says to “take the leap” and figure out the rest as you go. The question asked: How can you be more adventurous? How are you being called to jump right in and take the leap?

Ideas and Opportunity Flowing In

The same day I pulled this card, my husband and I went to visit new property just purchased by our company. It is 10 acres in the country that will be used to store materials we have to purchase in advance because of escalation (steel prices are rising).

This is what the property looks like:

I wasn’t impressed initially but as we walked towards the back section I got more interested. There is a creek that runs through the middle of the property. When I walked around it I got a lovely feeling as did my husband. We both began to daydream about the potentials of the property, specifically that it would be a great spot to build a house. I, personally, have always wanted to have a private pond. The land in this area has more clay and is perfect for ponds. With a creek that flows year round, water won’t be an issue either.

The company will only be using the front half of the property for storage, so the rest is available for whatever we want. Potential is a wonderful feeling! If anything, I could park an RV there and get all the space I want/need, whenever I like. 🙂

Speaking of RV’s, my husband liked my idea and we are looking at one this week. I am open to whatever the Universe brings me, preferably something I can drive without feeling I might crush smaller cars, but I am also okay with just parking an RV somewhere and driving to it. We’ll see what comes of it. Regardless, it is fun to shop around.

Also, yesterday I registered for Rave ABC’s, the next foundation level course leading to HD Analyst if I want to go that route. I purchased the student book, which will be here by Friday. The class starts on Saturday. 🙂 I had options that would’ve started later, but the teachers’ profile types were not ideal. One was a 1/3 MG and the other a 5/1 Generator. I really didn’t want someone with a 1st line. They are too technical for me (info overload). I selected a 4/6 Generator as a teacher. I prefer a Projector, but I couldn’t find a teacher with that aura type.

The only thing left is to start training to become the CFO. This may take a while, though, since the current CFO is not really wanting to exit yet. I’m okay with waiting. I know it will happen when it is meant to.

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Message: Rest Area

I’ve been home for almost two days now. It has been a little bit of an adjustment getting back to “normal”. When I arrived home I was met at the airport by my husband and oldest son. My husband hadn’t texted me he was on his way, so I thought he may be late. Turns out he stayed quiet on purpose for the surprise. 

When we got to the car I was surprised by my other two children. My oldest son told me they were swimming at their uncle’s house. lol 

When I got to the house I was again surprised. This time with a kitchen upgrade. My whole family helped my husband make some small changes that made a big difference. He redid the backsplash, painted it a new color, bought a new table and installed pendant lighting. On top of all this, he thoroughly cleaned the entire house!! He also had two bouquets of flowers waiting for me. I love the new look of my kitchen!

Since returning, I have felt more gratitude for what I have. Living with so much less for 30 days has really helped me see how blessed I am. Air conditioning, hot water, reliable electricity, etc – I am surrounded by abundance! 

Funny enough, the first day back was full of surprises. When I logged into work from home, a porn pop-up greeted me. Turns out my son had clicked on something. lol I had to fix that issue because it was just plain annoying. Then, when I got ready to drive into work, my car wouldn’t start. It had a dead battery. My husband came to fix it and discovered that our Hyundai hybrid model doesn’t have a traditional battery like our Prius did. Instead you just push a reset button. Ha! At work I discovered my printer and scanner had not been set up. The internet was not functioning properly so set up was not happening and then when it did work the printer printed sideways! My boss eventually just printed the checks from her computer and printer. lol Finally, on the way home, my husband almost rear ended another car. 

I mention all this not to point out the stress but my response to it. Instead of stressing out, I mostly just laughed at it all. I was most surprised by how I reacted to the near miss by my husband. Sure I had the adrenaline rush of surprise but the thing that was unusual for me was that I was so relaxed. Usually I am on alert for possible accidents and very uneasy when my husband drives. I suppose all my time in taxis in Costa Rica has helped. haha!

Messages and Lucid Dream

This morning I awoke to a message: Rest Area. If you think of the purpose of rest areas along highways you will get the point. I understood it to mean that on my life journey I have come to a place where I can rest and relax for as long as I need. It’s not the same as a parking lot which implies that no progress is being made and you are at a standstill. Instead, it is more that I need to sleep and recover from a long journey. Now is the time to enjoy life. I can look back on my progress and gain insight for the journey ahead. Eventually I will leave but only when I am well rested and ready. 

Also, I had a lucid dream experience where I began to feel, see and experience my dream in a very real way. A large, overweight man approached me and introduced himself as “Eddy”. When I heard his name, I heard another word behind it, “Fast”. So his name was “Fast Eddy” which happens to be the name of a restaurant often found near hotels and gas stations – Fast Eddie’s. For some reason I hugged the man close and my vision turned on vividly along with all my other senses. I also recall kissing him passionately. The man was taller than me, so I had to look up to kiss him. I remember seeing his neck and jawline clearly. As I began to look towards his face he said, “What do you see?” I replied, “Whatever I want.” I lost my vision and woke up briefly only to return to sleep. 

With my reply, I understood that my answer was a message in itself. I create my reality and in that moment I was seeing Eddy as I wanted to see him. I was creating his image and the entirety of the experience I was having. 

Goals

I don’t really find these messages surprising considering the goals I set for myself upon returning home. With the space and isolation I found in Costa Rica I gained insight into myself which was the whole point to begin with! My time alone helped me to reacquaint myself with my true nature which, as a Projector, involves quite a bit of downtime in the form of sleep and immersion in nature. I did a whole lot of nothing for much of my time in Costa Rica. lol What was surprising to me was how wonderful I slept in an unfamiliar place with no a/c. It was the best sleep I’ve had in a long time!!!

My design is to go with the flow. That is what I have NOT been doing in life but I got to experience this aspect of myself while in Costa Rica. It took a while. I resisted at first. I think the second week was when I finally began to embrace the feeling. Prior to this I experienced quite a bit of emotional release. A ridge of energy had to be dispelled and with it lots of considerations that weren’t helpful. I directly confronted some false beliefs about myself.

Growing up, I often heard that I was “lazy” from my mom. She believed in productivity, as does my husband (and most Generating types). So, if I am not producing something of value then it is pointless. Since resting and laying around is not producing something of value (it is, something I now recognize), then whenever I do nothing I feel guilty and often fill my day with as much activity as I can. This, for a Projector, is not in line with our design. We need lots of rest and time alone. Plus, my 2nd line requires plenty of rest and aloneness, too. 

When I finally let myself rest and be “lazy” I recognized this was very much my nature. I LOVE to sleep and lay around. In fact, if you were to ask me my favorite thing (physically) about this world/life, I would say, “My pillows.” lol I even told my SIL when I arrived that my goal was to sleep as much as I could, and that I did do! 

I decided that when I returned home I would do these things:

1. Listen more and talk less.
2. If I feel irritable or bitchy find a way to be by myself ASAP. 
3. Communicate my needs before I feel irritable and bitchy.
4. Listen to my first response to an invitation and stick with it. 
5. Sleep as much as I want and whenever I want! 
6. Eat and exercise intuitively rather than forcing myself to stick to a routine or schedule.

Number 1 came from understanding just how eagerly I want to share with others, but mostly others don’t want to (or aren’t ready to) receive. So, when I do get invited, I tend to overwhelm the other with too much, too fast. I am often told I am “too intense” because of this. So, I will wait to be invited and then just give a little of all that I have to share and let the other decide whether they want more.

Number 4 is advice for all Self-Projected Projectors. I/we need to listen to my/our own voice and follow it. If I feel/say “no”, then that is what I need to stick with. 

Number 6 comes from a whole month of eating and exercising intuitively. When I went to Costa Rica I knew I wouldn’t exercise, at least not like I am use to (I ran with horses and went on several hikes). I also decided to eat whatever I wanted. It became clear to me just how much time and effort I use to put into my diet and exercise routine. I am much happier not putting so much energy into doing that! Besides, my body still looks and feels good, even after a whole month of “eating like shit” and “laying around.” LOL

And after this morning’s message concurrent with the realization that I am in a period of abundance, I have decided to enjoy this period in my life as much as possible because, at some point, circumstances will change. Right now, though, life is really sweet. 

Pictures

Leaving you with some pictures of my last few days in Costa Rica. Some are of my trip to San Jose where I visited the Doka coffee estate and the La Paz Waterfall Gardens.