Tag Archives: healing

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Swamp Man

Besides the two OBEs I had last night/this morning, I also had vivid dreams in between. In fact, I was dreaming and waking and dreaming and waking all night long. I don’t feel very rested this morning.

Swamp Man

This dream was set in the country. I was with other people talking about different plots of land; farms that were being renovated.

We walked to a small farm that was hidden amidst trees. There was a rundown one-room cabin that no one lived in and I wandered off to explore.

I came upon what appeared to be an animal covered in mud. I was standing atop a hill of dirt and leaves and looked down at him. I had pity for him and so fed him some grass, which he ate. He then moved closer and I finally recognized him as a man. I said, “You’re human!” I could see his face showing through some patches of mud and slime.

Now friends, we walked toward the house that was being renovated and discussed the plumbing. He showed me how they had hooked up the hot water heater and I saw this pump at the base of the house with pipes coming out. He mentioned that the pipes leaked and I saw they were leaking at the joints. We discusses probable solutions and I told him that it made more sense to just rip out all the old plumbing and replace it rather than try to fix really old, brittle pipes.

The Swamp Man then embraced me and I was caught up in an intense energy that woke me up. This is when I felt intense energy sensations and went OOB for the first of two times that night.

Heroine Addict

I was with a group of people inside an apartment in the Projects. No one was inside and we were going to make a recipe and needed specific ingredients. I recall looking for cornmeal and searching through food on the counter and finding some. There was a conversation about being lied to about the results achieved from using this particular recipe.

I was then watching an older, light skinned, African American woman talking to a man. Her face was very vivid in the dream. She had her hair underneath a cloth and was about 50 years of age. She was a Heroine addict but did not appear to be high.

The man with her was interrogating her about our recent visit. What was interesting was how clean her apartment was and how high class it appeared. I could see the other apartments around hers and they were also very high class and upscale. I remember thinking, “They sure have it nice here”.

colors dropplet ripples waterShower

The dreams continued but I will skip to the last one.

There was this very large, glass encased shower. It was the size of a small office. A woman and a man were going inside. I was also inside at times and recall the water coming out of a shower head high above us. It was misting and we were all asked to inhale the midst. This was linked to the heroine dream and I recall thinking this was a way to detox.

I had the idea to change the flow and when I did the mist stopped and a flood of water came out. It was suggested to me that this was not best and so I turned it back to the mist.

It was then that I noticed the man in the shower was the Swamp Man from my previous dream. There he was covered in mud and in front of him was an older woman whose nakedness was very obvious. They embraced and the woman’s breasts pressed up against the Swamp Man and he kissed them. I was completely grossed out by this! The woman caressed the man’s head and I saw the mud begin to come off. There was a bright blue, scaly patch on his head that seemed to glow. I noticed it with great interest and came in for a closer look. It was then that I saw who the Swamp Man really was – he was the man who called himself “Tom Arnold” from my previous OBE!

I immediately awoke from the dream overcome with such loss that I cannot explain. I recognized my guide from the dream and began to talk with him about what was going on. I felt such loss, as if I had let myself down. I did not understand why I was failing at this task!

There was energy all over me, specifically at my crown and the back of my head. I also felt it intensely in my throat, which is a first for me.

I asked “Tom” why he was all covered in mud. He said, “You don’t want to see me”. I also knew this meant there was something about myself I did not want to see. Our conversation revealed that I am afraid to really “see” myself. I am also afraid to trust myself.

I cannot see the truth in the world and in others if I cannot see it within myself.

I was told that I am close and to not despair. But how could I not? The feeling of failure was so intense that I could not return to sleep. As I tried, I was asked to consider how I could lift my spirits, and thus my energy. I resolved to focus upon my family. When I finally fell asleep, I went OOB and had my second OBE of the night.

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House Swap

Another extended dream from two nights ago. I awoke several times between scenes but it continued.

House Swap

I was standing with my husband next to a newly purchased five gallon container of paint. A man walks by and stops. He asks if he can exchange something for our paint. My husband heartily agrees. He hands over the paint and the man gives us a huge pile of things from a wagon.

The next thing I know we are swapping entire households. I go inside the house of the man to look for things I want and pick out two boxes of wood floor cleaner. I completely ignore the tackle box of fishing supplies and other outdoor gear piled next to it. I go outside and our car is packed full of things and our family is ready to leave.

We get to our new home and it is in a different state, I believe the state of Virginia. We look around and find the house acceptable and nice. I remember my husband leaves and I am left home alone quite a bit and have time to think. I remember thinking, “I don’t even remember our old house now”. I also remember that I was alone with our baby.

My husband comes in and says he is starting a moving company. He shows me a packet of papers with my private information on them. I think it is my credit report. He says he is starting the company using my name and credit. I am shocked but do not tell him no.

I go into the back room and see that it is empty but nicely decorated. There is a shower in the middle of the room, which is odd, and large windows take up the entire back wall. There is a glass door that leads outside but I look at the window on the other side and see that it has a wooden shade drawn over it. I can see people outside and green from the trees and grass. I think about ways to rearrange the room so the shower is not in the middle.

I turn my focus to the outside and end up standing outside with my three children. It is a beautiful back yard! There is a large swimming pool in the middle and rock landscaping and waterfalls. There are neighbors wandering around with their children as if it is there place. I run around telling them to leave and decide that I want to put up a fence.

We continue to enjoy the pool and my husband joins us. My children are running about and I am exploring. I can see the green hills in the background and a teak wood fence in the back. There are also four small hot tubs at each of the four corners of the yard. I remember thinking the central pool represented the “heart” and the hot tubs represent each of the four elements. The large pool is in the center and there is a patch of grass near it where my family is sitting enjoying the day.

My youngest son wanders too close to the edge of the pool and falls in. I immediately jump in, clothes and all, and retrieve him. He is safe.

I then walk to the back of the yard taking pictures to share with family because this new place is amazing to me. I click a few photos of the back yard and fence. In one photo I see a black smoky looking form. Its face is evil looking with large, empty eyes and mouth wide open as if to bite someone. I am not afraid of it and just say aloud to myself, “Wow, I wonder where that came from”.

moor2I am then looking out the back windows at the hills and the sunrise as my oldest daughter prepares to go to school. We watch as the bus travels a mountain road toward us and I feel peaceful and happy. It is a place I want to stay and although I do not have a job I am fine with that. I decide I want to explore the town at some point and decide to do so the next day.

When I wake up I am confused by the dream because it felt so real and I have trouble determining if it was real or not. I wonder what it means and suspect I am being asked to move forward with something. Healing perhaps?

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Amazing Grace

The energy event I experienced early this morning was indeed very different from the others. I suspect it is not complete, so perhaps this was just the first “course”.

Crystal Beach

I was walking through a large, brown and gold colored mall searching for an exit. I came upon two glass doors and opened them. When I went into the room it resembled a waiting area and was lit up with a golden color.

A dark haired little girl was at the door and looked up at me. I said to her, “I know you” but she said, “I don’t think so”. I stared at her for quite some time trying to place her but the memory was not there.

I saw that there were two office doors ahead of me. I read their signs but all I recall now is they were businesses offering alternative healing.

I turned to my left to leave and saw double glass door with small revolving doors. I saw outside was bright and very white and thought I saw the ocean so went outside to investigate.

I walked onto a crystal white sand beach that stretched quite a distance on both sides of me. In front of me was the most vividly blue water I had ever seen. It shimmered in the sunlight and the entire scene reminded me of the Arctic except it was not snow nor was it cold. I said, “It looks like snow!”

I looked out ahead of me and saw mounds of snow-like sand piled high and people frolicking about on top of it. There were also tons of people all around me enjoying the beach. I sought out a place where there were no people and saw to my left an expanse of white and blue that stretched for miles, not a soul to be seen. I reveled in the beauty for some time, talking to an unseen companion.

Curious about where I was, I soon found myself floating high above the beach and moving farther away, watching the beach, turned coastline turned continent shrink below me. I saw an unfamiliar continent stretched out before me, the coastline shimmering brightly below me. I tried to say it was India but the shape was wrong. I soon concluded I was not on Earth. This was some other place.

heart_chakra2Healing Session

I then found myself inside one of the healing offices and could still see the beach through the glass door. There was a tall, dark haired man who was “the Dr.” His female assistant I recognized instantly as an old friend in life. I was at ease and knew why I was there.

There was a table in the center of the room. I lay down on it and the woman stood at my left shoulder. She touched it and whispered some words I did not recognize but there was a “P” sound at the beginning of the phrase. This was when the Dr., who was standing on my right at my midsection, began doing his work.

I was suddenly filled with an intense energy at my heart chakra. It felt that my chakra expanded outward and then upward forming a bubble of energy that hung over my entire body like a hot air balloon. The power of the energy caused my legs to involuntarily begin to kick out and I was uncomfortably aware of this to the point that it distracted me from the pleasant energy.

The heart energy continued to intensify and along with it my head was engulfed in energy as well. I was still focused on my legs, however, and this brought the attention of the Dr.

He came to my right leg and asked me to focus on it. So I did and the kicking stopped but the left leg still kicked so high that it was at a 90 degree angle to my body. I focused more and was able to calm it. By then, though, the heart energy has subsided.

Gathering Sand

I was then heading toward a bag and opening it up to retrieve a silver metal bowl. When I picked it up, it began to vibrate and make music. I recognized the music to be, “Amazing Grace”. I exclaimed to my healers, “It’s playing Amazing Grace!” They acknowledged this and the music stopped.

I told them I wanted to gather some white sand for later and was told that my husband was already gathering it. I looked outside and sure enough there he was with my children in the sand.

Then I was holding sand in the silver bowl. It formed into balls, like snow balls, and I held one out amazed at how easily it kept its shape.

My two healers were laid out on the table and so I approached them with the bowl. They had laid out a red, embroidered blanket and the Dr. was on my left and his assistant in front of me.

I accidentally spilled some sand on their blanket on onto the Dr. and laughed it off. Then I felt I needed to sing and began to sing Amazing Grace. Yet the words and melody that came out of my mouth were not of that song but of The Old Rugged Cross. Specifically:

And I love that old cross where the Dearest and Best
For a world of lost sinners was slain.

Refrain:
So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it someday for a crown.

The assistant began to sing along with me, trying to harmonize but I was singing to high for her. I kept singing it over and over and then was overcome with tears of joy mixed with longing. I awoke sobbing.

Messages

When I awoke I still felt the energy lingering over my body and knew that I had received intense healing. My guide was there and I knew what the song meant. The song is symbolic of so many things: my Christian upbringing, how life’s sufferings will one day end with a reward, how that reward is reunion with myself/the One. I was hit with knowingness that I am soon to be done with my lives on Earth, only two more. That I am the one who determines what “level” I am at – there are no generic levels. I am learning to be a guide and am currently doing that, though I have no memory while in the physical body of doing this. This life has been successful (I was taken through parts of it and asked to evaluate them) and has gone as planned. I asked how this “success” will be experienced after death. I was shown/told that when I return to Myself there will be a great ripple of energy sent out and I will be the center of it. Every One will know my jubilation and I will be More than I was before this life. The result is a celebration of Self that is indescribable in human terms and experience.

I was also told:

  1. I am purging my heart chakra of the “things I have done and that have been done to me”.
  2. The Dr’s name is Saul and his assistant’s name is Rebecca.
  3. The Higher Beings who have been in contact with me are three. I got the name Azriel this time along with Melchizedek but resisted this. When asked by one of these Higher Beings why I was resistant, I realized I did not feel worthy.
  4. I am to listen to my heart when I find myself resistant to the messages I receive.The feeling will not lie.
  5. I am Worthy. This message brought more tears and intense emotional release.
  6. The name of the place I visited is Jelung pronounced, “Ye-Lawn”. I spell it the way I was shown but it was not written in English letters. I was told it was a place “Created for me” and “of healing”.
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Healing My Baby in Astral

Last night was rough. My baby was sick all day and then through the night with the stomach flu. My husband took first watch. I woke up at 1am for the second watch. Baby was feeling horrible and not eating or drinking. I was worried sick. I got him to drink some water and then later gave him a bottle with rice cereal since he didn’t throw up the water. Then he fell asleep but I could not sleep because of worry.

Screaming Baby and Fighting Dogs

I finally began to drift in and out of sleep around 4am. I kept being woken up by sounds. The first was of a crying baby. It was one of those terror-filled cries and I jolted awake listening for my baby. The other sound was of dogs barking hysterically and there was a vague image in my mind of dogs fighting. This also jolted me awake.

I knew these odd sounds were typical signs of approaching astral. I thought, “I am going to astral tonight”. But then I could not sleep.

Broken Kitchen Sink

I found myself in a dream that quickly turned lucid.

I was inside a house holding my baby. Oddly, the baby was female and not male. There was a woman, my neighbor, who was there and I knew she owned the house. She was in the kitchen and I stayed to the side floating up near the corner. A man came inside and looked at me like, “Who are you” and he and the woman and her daughter left.

I went to the sink and was using it as normal. The sink seemed to suddenly fill up with water. Was it clogged? What was wrong? I turned off the faucet but water kept pouring into the sink. Where was it coming from? I checked the dishwasher. Nothing. I went back to the sink and it still was full and getting fuller.

That was when I discovered that it was raining! Inside the house! I was also getting wet and could feel the drops as they hit my skin. Suddenly realizing it was a dream I shouted, “This is a dream! I want out! I want out!”

I woke up still feeling the rain on my skin. I didn’t know why I asked to get out except that I was worried about my baby.

OBE: Healing My Baby in Astral

I had more OBEs than I can count right now. Most are short so I won’t include them. I will say that I was talking with a guide while attempting these OBEs and asking him to help me be better at staying OOB.

The first long OBE occurred after two short ones that were stifled by low energy.

I sat up out of my body and floated up into a dark room.

I made my way downstairs, seeking out my son. My intent was to heal him.

I found him sleeping and checked on him. He was sleeping and okay. I then stood back and said, “He is green! He is blue! He is blue! He is green!” I don’t know why I said this but when I said it the bundle that was him glowed with color. The entire time my intent was to heal him and the colors, for me, are associated with different types of healing.

Then my daughter ran down the stairs yelling something and distracted me. She went out the front door and I went back into my body.

The other OBEs will be in another post. For this one, I will say that I have never attempted to heal anyone in astral like this. I once touched a woman’s face to erase a scar, but that is it. I am pleased that my baby is better this morning. Perhaps my healing worked?

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Sleeping with Satan

Yesterday I started out the day with very high energy and then by mid-afternoon I was hit with a slight headache and an intense tiredness. I took my two oldest for a walk and this brightened up my mood significantly, but I still crashed last night. I ended up sleeping 11 hours!

Sleeping with Satan

Most of my dreams last night involved some kind of root and second chakra stimulation. Surprisingly, I was not awakened when this occurred but I recall one dream in vivid detail.

In the dream I was not interested in sex with this man but I ended up doing as he wished because I felt I had no other choice. I was not scared or intimidated and the feeling was not ominous at all. Instead it was more of a feeling that I had to do it as part of a process. I suspect the individual resembled Satan because of my reaction to what he wanted me to do.

I do not actually remember having sex with Satan either nor do I actually recall seeing him. I recall a discussion and then a my chakras being activated to intense pleasure. Then I could not shut down the chakras. It was like they had a mind of their own.

When the chakras finally settled the dream resumed. I found myself in a cemetery standing next to an iron fence. The satanic looking man was telling another man where to bury parts of a body. The other man was taking a golden helmet that was scratched and well worn and putting it inside another grave. They were burying body parts in old graves and I watched as a man dug a small hole, opened up the casket and put something in.

I looked at the ceiling high wrought iron fencing and outside of it was a mother, daughter and another woman leaving the cemetery. They were grieving and as I watched I thought of helping them by passing on a message from the woman who they had lost. I decided not to tell them and recall thinking I would probably be wrong anyway. I began to cry for them and for myself.

I again had root and second chakra activity that pulled me away from the scene for a time. When I re-entered the scene I was still standing next to the fence and removing a silver necklace from my neck. I placed it on the wall to get later. When I came back to get it, someone had messed with it and the chain was knotted and very long. The corrugated quartz pendant was also missing. I fiddled with it for some time but it separated and I could not get it to fit. I found the pendant, though.

A man came up to me to help and I explained what happened. He said he liked the type of chain it was and when I looked at it the silver chain had turned into multiple large loops. It was quite pretty.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAInterpretation

This dreams seems to be mostly related to my chakras being activated. I associated the process with something “bad” and so it created the “Satan” character.

The cemetery symbolizes the end of a habit, behavior and/or a rebirth. It can also represent sadness. A corpse also represents a part of someone that has “died”. Because I was thinking of mediumship my interpretation of this scene of the dream is that I am leaving behind that aspect of myself. Upon considering this I realized that I may never do a mediumship reading again. This saddened me but then I knew that it will be replaced with ascension counseling – speaking to the guides and Higher Selves of people struggling through the changes associated with ascension in order to explain the current transformation process the individual is experiencing.

The helmet symbolizes protection and guarded thoughts. The broken necklace indicates that I need to listen to my heart rather than let my judgement be clouded by my emotions. Since it is repaired and I am shown a better version of it indicates this situation will be repaired.The crystal represents the Higher Self and it is preserved and not lost, indicating that I should listen to that part of myself.

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Root, Heart and Head

I had a busy night last night.

Marrying the Enemy

The dream began in the mountains along a narrow road. The view of the valley below was spectacular but it was soon noticeable to me that there were cats everywhere! There were more cats than I could count and they were all different colors. At first I was wary of them but a man approached me and assured me they were harmless. I recall seeing them in vivid detail and thinking they were out of place.

The man was very handsome. He was my height with medium length brown hair, brown eyes and golden skin. He was wearing a tan, leather tunic that matched his skin and was tied with a dark brown belt. We talked for a while, discussing a feud that had been raging between two families. As we talked, I recognized the battle was between my side and his side.

I confronted him asking, “Why did you surrender? Now I have to marry you.” I mentioned that I was too old to be married. I felt ashamed.

Then I was wearing a long, flowing and lacy white wedding gown. I could see myself from outside of myself and a lace veil was covering my face revealing only my eyes. I was crying and the man said to me, “If you cry, I cry”. I saw tears in his brown eyes.

He then said, “We will stop here then” and he cradled me in his arms and we fell to the ground.

I was overcome with the complete relief that comes with surrender. My root and second chakras lit up and energy expanded outward. I felt safe.

Then I was walking with the man and we came upon a woman laying completely naked in the snow. She was lovely with long, blonde hair, blue eyes and creamy skin. Her breasts were poking up above the light powdering of snow that surrounded and partially hid her nakedness.

She spoke to us saying that she wanted to be with my husband. I did not deny her this and looked to my new husband. I remember looking at her and finding her very beautiful. My husband and I became one at this point in the dream and I seemed to become both male and female.

lotusRoot, Heart and Head

I awoke overcome with a strong surging in my root and second chakras. I recalled this previously occurring in the dream and allowed the energy to expand, reveling in it. With it came a rigorous back and forth shaking vibration which I partially ignored because I felt so loved and accepted, as if all my previous fears and mistrust of others melted away.

I remained awake as the energy surged through me and the strange vibrations continued. The energy seemed to skip my third chakra entirely, lighting up my heart chakra which became so full it felt as if it would explode out of my chest. I felt so much love that I wanted to cry. I heard my guide say to me, “You are beautiful”.

As the energy in my heart subsided I became aware of a massive amount of healing energy covering and going through my chest from the back. It expanded to cover my entire back and for a moment I became confused about which side was my front and which was my back. They seemed to be the same.

I felt at the same time an energy expanding from deep within my brain. It felt to originate from the very center, right behind my third eye and nose. It expanded until it hit my ears and then shot down the back of my neck and up to my crown. It did not fill my entire head, completely missing the areas behind my cheeks and my forehead.

Within my head the strange horizontal vibrations started up and remained constant. With them came a sound similar to the sound of an idling truck, it was a low rumbling with a higher pitched ticking.

I lay in the energy and vibrations for some time and if I became overly alert I heard my guide remind me to relax.

Moving Out

I must have dozed because all of a sudden I was entering a vacant apartment. I was aware that movers had just been there. There was a bare bed in the center of the room, a side table and a few odd objects. The objects were an alarm clock without its cord which sat in the middle of the bed; a small, white animal statue that I knew contained animal oil; and a pair of boy’s underwear that were blue and white.

I remember commenting about each of the objects. The man from my previous dream was there answering my questions. He said the clock was mine, that I left it. I understood that it symbolized time travel and was related to my previous dream and my exploration of past lives. I do not remember what he said about the other two items. I believe the underwear symbolized my children and the oil symbolized sexuality and sensuality.

The man confirmed that we were moving out. We were done here. This woke me up.

I immediately knew this dream was good. I felt so relaxed and wonderful, as if the weight of a thousand worlds had been lifted from my shoulders.

I then questioned the energy grid memory and was told my energy was being mapped. I understood it to be a good thing related to healing and so did not ask any more questions. Then I heard, “Your dreams are your heart sifting through the past”.

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Doing the Work

As you may have noticed from my most recent post, I am digging into my past lives again. I will be doing this for at least the next few weeks. As a result my posts will likely be focused upon these adventures more than on anything else.

Doing the Work

After today’s session it was clear to me that right now I am doing the work myself right now rather than the kundalni doing it. This is okay with me because I am having fun, but I it also allows me to stay more present in my body and this physical reality. Uncovering past lives and the unconscious decisions, pain and other considerations from those lives is a huge healing process. Not only does one have to confront very different perspectives and realities they have had but they also must re-experience them in order to clear the subconscious of the effects of these other lives. When done correctly, a person will feel much relief as they are unburdened from the weight of those lives and past decisions. It also allows one to be more present in this life; their attention no longer occupied by times long past. With each past life “erasure” there is another deceptive layer peeled off the conscious mind. When they are all peeled away one is left with the true self, unhindered by debris that has built up life after life.

Observations

I noticed something that may or may not lead to a discovery about myself. As I recall and re-experience more and more past lives, I am seeing just how very different I am in each of these lives. While re-experiencing the life, the thoughts I thought and the feelings I had resurface. I am many times able to get a good idea of my personality and patterns in the life as well. It has always amazed me that I am so very different life after life. I do not seem to have a “set” personality that continues unchanged from life to life. I had always thought that I would maintain some part of the “me” I know from life to life and that I would see evidence of it. Yet, I have yet to see any semblance of myself in this life in any of my other lives.

What do I see? Well, I see patterns or themes that are recurring. It is very obvious to me that I chose to play the role of victim in many of my “recent” lives (this is in quotes because I can see this pattern arising from late BC). I also notice that I have many of the same expectations of myself life after life. For example, in every life except for a few I have judged myself very harshly for not making better decisions and/or having more love or empathy for the people I interacted with.

There are also lives in which I very obviously came to experience one thing specifically. The life I recently wrote about where I was killed in combat is one of those lives. It is very different from the lives I have recalled so far in that I was in no way concerned about anyone or anything except my job which was to kill the enemy. I had no emotion, no regret, no guilt. I almost appeared to be “brain washed” into believing my sole purpose was to die for whomever I served. So far this is the only life where I have encountered a total lack of emotion upon death. Very disturbing but it served its purpose.

Finally, I notice that the farther back I remember, the “lighter” I feel when I re-experience those lives. There is an obvious lack of concern about things to come and a more adventurous attitude in general. For example, when I “failed” prior to around 1000BC I took the attitude of “I will get it right next time” rather than feel loss about whatever I failed at. This observation lends me to believe that there is some truth to how experiences in our past lives build up and impact our present self.

ascensionThe Reality of the Ego

Probably the most impressive realization of all these past life memories is just how very real the Ego is and the purpose it serves. From what I am gathering from just how very different I am life after life, it appears that the Ego is exactly what I have read it to be. It acts as our suit of personality from life to life. It is the overcoat we wear and then toss off after death. It is in fact the very reason for the differences in myself that I perceived as I re-experienced life.

The very acceptance of this is difficult for me because there is a part of me (the Ego of course!) that does not want to “disappear” when I die. I fear it so much that I grapple with ways to preserve what I perceive to be me. But my observations prove to me the opposite happens when I die. The Ego does not disappear, it is re-absorbed back into the True Self. When this happens that aspect of the Self rejoins the other aspects. This does not always happen at the moment of death but the process does begin at that point. How do I know this? Because I was able to see the two me’s distinctly at the time of my death. This was very obvious in the life where I was hanged. Though not yet merged the two aspects of myself were distinct. The one was frantic and panicked, the other was patient and understanding of the experience. From other memories of life between life I know that it takes time for the Ego to be reabsorbed completely, too. In these memories I was able to follow the Ego as distinctly separate for quite some time after death. Because these memories are not complete it leaves me wondering – does the Ego serve another purpose between life that I have yet to recall?

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Blasting Through the Past

Today I went into session and ran into quite a few past lives.

France, 16AD

The first thing I remember about this life was my death. I was hung and I was forced outside my body when I couldn’t breathe. I would go back into my body only to be forced out again the next time I lost consciousness.This went on for at least a half hour. The people who hung me left my hands free and what do you do with your hands when you are hung? You try to rip the rope out from around your throat. But it is futile.

Why was I hung? I immediately recalled the previous weeks where I had been sneaking off with a young maiden into the woods and doing unholy things. I was found out and immediately dragged to a tree and hung. Oh the things one will do for love (or sex in this case!). I also recall that I was a simpleton in that life. Not exactly bright. The main thought in my mind when I was dying was “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid” along with a feeling that “they” had been right about me all along.

While recalling this life/death, I felt in my physical body areas of the past pain “light up” and then “turn off”. Specifically the top of my head where they had hit me when they took me down, the tips of the fingers on my right hand where I grabbed the noose, and the very top vertebrae of my spine. My heart chakra was also buzzing with energy the entire time. It always amazes me how trauma “recurs” in the body when it is remembered, even if it is from a very, very long time ago.

Eastern Europe, Early Middle Ages during Roman rule

I recalled my death and again I was at the point where I was forced out of my body by an impact. This time I had been wounded by an axe-like weapon.

I saw my body laying on the ground face up in reddish colored dirt. I was wearing a copper-colored armor of some sort but it obviously didn’t protect me against the weapon that hit me. I had a huge gash from my right shoulder down to my left hip and it there was a red, gaping wound in between.

I hovered over the body for about ten minutes very alert to the fact that I was mortally wounded and not really caring about much else. I was not conscious of being OOB. I thought I was dreaming. I remember not having any guilt or remorse from life and thinking only of my duty which was to kill the enemy.

India or Asia, around 600BC

This was a memory of my birth. What was odd is that I recall not being in my new body until after I/it came into the world. I waited and watched my mother give birth to me. She was very pale skinned and completely naked. She was also covered in sweat and making a lot of noise, screaming and moaning. The room was dark with a reddish hue and there were women helping her give birth.

When the baby, my new body, came out I instantly went into my new body. But I could not breathe. There was something over my face and I gasped for my first breath. On top of that, I was allowed to fall to the floor and it was some distance though the fall was not a hard one. I felt my new tiny heart pounding in my chest as I struggled to live. I heard my mother screaming, “No!” and heard a woman tell another woman to get a sheet. It was not in a language I am familiar with so it took me quite a while to translate what I heard.

Then I was looking up at this woman who had medium toned skin and straight, long black hair. She also had something on her face, either tattoos or jewelry. She looked down at me and pulled away whatever was covering my face. I took a breathe and was relieved and calm. The woman was kind and saying something under her breath. I believe she was praying or inciting something. She touched my forehead several times and I heard my mother call out, “I want to see him”. There was quite a bit of fuss over me and my state at this time and though I struggled to remember the exact words there was a sense that these women thought me to be very special. I specifically recall hearing myself referred to as “one who sees”.

As I think back to this life I am enthralled by it. I knew I chose to enter my new body last minute on purpose. I also knew I was born in the caul that life. That was why I couldn’t breathe. I made the decision never to come into my new body that late again. It was much too traumatic!

Finally, I wonder about the situation into which I was born. My mother was white in comparison to the women who helped her birth me. Were they slaves? I wonder….

oliveMiddle East/Mediterranean, during Egyptian rule 1000BC

This memory is a short one. I initially recall being in the branches of a tree reaching to pick a fruit. I knew the fruit was an olive and that I was a young boy of around 8-9 years of age. The memory continues with me slipping and falling to my death. I hit my head and snapped my neck.

In going over the memory I knew that I was in a rural area that was either occupied or ruled by Egypt at that time. The year was about 1000BC, though it was hard to determine because I don’t think years were thought of that way back then. My mood was very happy and care-free. I had no idea what was about to befall me and when it happened I did not feel any pain.

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Three Classes

The dreams about going to college continued last night.

History Class

I purposefully arrived to class early and parked my car outside the college on a hillside. I walked into the large auditorium where class was to be held and took a seat near the back. Then a guest speaker, a dark haired woman, began to speak and it was hard to hear, so I followed everyone else to the front.

The woman’s lecture was on Aristotle and she was quoting him. I recall being intrigued by this but I don’t remember the exact information now. I only recall that I had spoken to a man near me remarking that I had missed many days of class and was trying to make up for the lost time. I was not concerned about it because I knew the subject well.

Algebra Class

I then found myself inside a brightly lit classroom with other students. It resembled a high school classroom but the students were older. I sat down and heard a discussion between other students about an upcoming project. They were suppose to make a 3D model of a star. I was not concerned about it and again told them that I had missed many days. In fact, this was only my second time in class and it had been going on for some time. I decided to take good notes and use the textbook to review the material I had missed. I was certain I would do fine. I am good at math.

Math Class

Oddly, the scene shifted from the brightly lit classroom to a dark, golden colored room with warm browns and golds. It felt to be in a university and I was with a small ground of students. Although it was a math class what we were doing was not math at all. In fact, it was art!

The teacher, a dark haired woman who was very soft spoken and artsy (she reminded me of a yoga instructor), handed out these plastic paint trays with three, round, fist-sized depressions. There was also paint and this white, powdery material that sparkled like crystal. She instructed us to begin to transfer paint into the depressions. I recall the color was suppose to be blue, but when I took my paintbrush and put it first into the white powder and then the paint the color that resulted was a beautiful lavender color. I was told not to worry and to try again. So I did and the result was blue.

I now had two sections filled, one blue and one lavender. The third was a vivid, dark purple.

I became semi-lucid at this point, suddenly recognizing that what I was doing involved the upper three chakras – the throat, third eye and crown. The feeling of the dream was that I was being instructed on how to work with these chakras and what to expect when they are activated. There was also a distinct memory of recognizing that all of the colors came from the white, crystal powder. In this I realized that the chakras were all parts of me specifically separated in order to control and operate the physical body.

I awoke soon after to my crown chakra and left ear buzzing with energy. The message was clear: the next stage would not just involve one chakra, but three.

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The Purpose of Astral

I continue to review my journal and have now finished reading the entire first binder. It is difficult to read what my thoughts were like during 2003-2005. I was really struggling! I am amazed that I made it through this time.

The Purpose of Astral

I do not write much about my experiences OOB in this part of my journal, but I write enough. My first projections were in 2004 but there is not much detail about the first ones. However, by the beginning of 2005 I begin to write more about my OBEs. Below you will find those entries. I did not yet know the terms Higher Self so I did not use this term. I added it in parentheses to help with understanding. I also referred to the Ego as “consciousness”.

April, 2005

As I fell asleep I was talking to someone and I could feel energy coming over me. I remember being told to let my consciousness go and to let go. I remember trying to let go and struggling with the notion of it. Then I must have let go! I remember feeling my body above my head vertically and then below. I remember liking the feeling and trying to get more of it, trying to control it. I tried to roll out of my bed and go on a journey but found it difficult and noticed my conscious mind becoming more aware. Again, I was reminded to control my consciousness and I must have because I heard the roaring in my ears and went deeper in astral. At that point I felt my body moving up and down again and then I felt it start to move fast, like real fast. I was thrilled because it was like being on a roller coaster! I couldn’t see though and remember saying, “I can’t see!” All I saw was my digital alarm clock showing the time of 8am and then the numbers started moving forward really fast to the point that I don’t know what time it was. Then I started moving in circles and spinning real fast round and round. It was so fun. I was elated.

I decided to throw my arms out to see if I could touch someone. I felt hands as I was trying to reach out but couldn’t grab hold of them. I kept reaching and finally grabbed hold of a hand. Then I started slowing down real fast and I was thrown into a man. I felt myself pushed into him and my head was right up next to his. I apologized to him and then realized I was hugging a man and I could feel his hairy chest! I knew he was dark haired and I was very happy to be with him. Right about the time I realized what was happening I heard a quiet, masculine voice say to me, “Quite a fine sense you have. The more and more…(I finished his sentence) you see, the more and more you will believe. Trust them to know what they see”. When I was about to ask his name I awoke in my bed still hearing his voice.

He had an accent like an old American or UK accent….He said he is my teacher, the one who has been teaching me about astral.

This astral teacher told me point blank that astral was being used to help me heal. He told me very sternly, “You know nothing about healing”. Ha! I didn’t laugh at the time, though.

A week later I continue to talk about my teacher and the purpose for astral:

I am learning in astral how to control my emotions/feelings and how to listen to them. I don’t hear or see my guides when I first go into astral. I sometimes go out and do things and other times I don’t. This last time I became conscious as astral happened and went with it. When I started wanting to do things I felt resistance. It was almost like a wall formed. When I stopped wanting to do my own thing and let things go as they were the resistance stopped. So I was learning about how to control my conscious mind (Ego) and to allow subconscious mind (Higher Self) to have control. The subconscious is not like the conscious at all – it cannot be controlled. It is led by something else, something we are not in control of. So I was actually able to see that difference. I think my teacher is here to help me differentiate between what my soul wants and what my conscious (Ego) wants. He’s teaching me how to get them in unison somehow, mainly by making conscious step back at certain times.

I am being reminded to balance the mundane and the spiritual. Balance is when we use consciousness only when we make mundane decisions. I am told to continue in the mundane but to remember to tune into my heart. He (my teacher) showed me my “center” and said to use it as I live life. He said the soul (Higher Self) will allow conscious to continue without resistance until the conscious is going the wrong way. Then there will be a “bell” that goes off or a “wall” hit. The soul is only there to help us remember our function and path.

thDifferentiation of Feeling and the Ego

I also talk about learning how to differentiate feelings and control my consciousness while OOB.

My guide was talking to me about feeling last night and I think he is trying to get me to understand that feeling is not what I think it is. I define it as emotion. But it is more like following a “compass”. I keep waiting for an emotion to trigger a decision and emotion triggering a decision can be way wrong. It is like words; communication. Like telepathy. In astral I understand the message “No, no, no” but I don’t hear it. I know it and can then see the “wall” ahead of me. The wall felt physical because in the spiritual (while OOB) you can go where you want but you sense change as vibration. So vibration changes and you feel the change in your soul…..My consciousness (Ego) is very strong. It has been given the right of way for 28 years. I have to slowly teach it to yield to my soul (Higher Self).

Merging

Finally, I mention, for the first time, the word “merging”:

It seems the reason I am bombarded by mundane right now is to help me use my soul in unison with my life. If you try using consciousness to make it (channeling) happen, consciousness stays in control. It (channeling) is like allowing soul (Higher Self) to come in on its own without [the] conscious feeling threatened. My guide is telling me to have patience, that we are working together to allow this assimilation. It is like merging is going on.

ReDo

I see now why I was asked to read my journal. A “bell” rang because somehow, some way, I went off course.

…the soul (Higher Self) will allow conscious to continue without resistance until the conscious is going the wrong way. Then there will be a “bell” that goes off or a “wall” hit.

I am again being asked to find balance; to control myself (Ego), and listen to my heart so that I may better hear what it is that I am suppose to be doing.

I now also understand why I have met with such resistance in my projections. I somehow forgot the valuable lesson I learned in 2005. The point is to listen to the Higher Self, or soul as I called it back then. To do this, one needs to keep the Ego in check. This practice while OOB transfers to life IN the body. What one is, so is the other.