Tag Archives: knowing

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Time for Something New

I was reading a blog post yesterday which about happiness. The point that got through to me was that those who are most happy are the ones following their heart and doing those things which fill them with joy regardless of what others say or what society deems “correct”.

It was not long after that the words of that post got through to me. I knew that what made me happiest was the spiritual process I have been going through most of my life. The experiences, the knowing, the insight, the healing – all of this is what brings me joy.

I am living my purpose.

When I awoke this morning I again thought of my purpose. I knew it was “to awaken”. That was the sole reason I came into this life.

I knew I had practiced and practiced this before coming. I even got a taste of it in prior lives. My last one especially.

Of course, I came into this life to do more than “awaken”, but it is my primary reason for being here. I have other contracts to fulfill; other smaller purposes. I think the main difference between my soul’s purpose and these contracts is that the contracts are like side-jobs. They are the tying up of loose ends.

When I wonder, “Why me?”, and “Why now?” I know that it is because I am “done” and moving onto something new, something different.

The answer is more of a feeling that is hard to describe, but basically I have advanced to new things.

“Advanced” is individual. It does not mean I am better or worse than anyone else. It just means that I have reached, as my guide calls it, “critical mass”. I am not completely sure what  that means but in my heart it means that I am done with what I have been doing and now can do something else. Move on. Move forward. Advance.

It kind of feels like loss of interest, really. Like I use to feel as a child. You know how children find something they like and do it over, and over, and over again because they love it soooo much? And then, one day, they suddenly have no interest. It is like the light switch shuts off on that particular interest. Then another one turns on.

This is “advancement” the way it feels to me. I have lost interest and am moving on. And I am not alone. Lots have lost interest.

Time for something new.

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Explanation of Current Processes

Though I was tired last night when my guide communicated with me, I found myself automatically tuning into my heart space for a time. When I do this, the information flows so fluidly and there are no words to it, just knowing.

I perceived that in the near future there will be an inflow of energy from my root chakra up to my solar plexus. This energy is of another, higher aspect of me and serves to connect the higher and lower chakras. From my understanding, there is a distinct break between the two right now with the heart in the center of it all.

The separation between my lower and upper chakras is a separation that cannot continue. This inflow of energy will resolve the issue, joining the upper and lower and creating a complete circuit. Apparently this disconnect is a normal part of the “process” and easily resolved.

The particular process I am going through is what my guide previously termed “energy swap” and what others sometimes call a “walk-in”. From what I understand, the energy swap is not occurring all at once but in small steps. The first step was on July 2 as written in my post Remember. This particular step was very strange and almost scary, so I wonder what this next one will be like.

There was also a feeling that this other aspect, a higher aspect, will resume primary control once the circuit is complete. “Resume” being used here because this occurred previously and without incident. When I recognized this I confirmed with my guide that this would only occur if I wanted it to. I, of course, am eager for it to happen.

Finally, I was told and also felt that there was a complication in a specific part of my brain – the amygdala. Upon researching this part of the brain, I can see why it would be where complications would exist. Below is a short video on the amygdala and its function.

http://bigthink.com/videos/the-amygdala-in-5-minutes

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Opening the Box

Joy is returning little by little.

While I was undergoing my purification, I met some interesting people who opened me up to an entirely new world, the world of business and marketing. Interestingly, a couple of days before meeting them I was asked by my Companion, “What do you want?” and I replied, “Lots of money without lots of work. I want to spend time with my children and pursue my interests”. I had said it before, but this particular instance felt different somehow. I felt it was possible. When I met these people a couple of days later I felt it again.

Since that meeting, I have watched in awe as the path opened up before me, a path I have little to no experience treading. In fact, my entire life I have shied away from starting my own business because of the fear of failure. I watched my father go bankrupt from a failed business and was raised by a mother who pushed her children along the path of “stability” via a career working for others. I tried once to start my own spiritual business but failed for many reasons, non of which I could have avoided at that particular time in my life.

But now, here I am again, looking out of this “box” of protection I have had around me at a possibility. It was always there but I never truly looked at it. Now for some reason when I look I see something different. Instead of fear, I see abundance, expansion, creativity, joy and freedom. Not only that, I feel all those things, too.

Fear is still there. It comes in the form of thoughts that say, “This won’t work” or “Why bother?” or “You don’t know what you are doing”, and more. At first I listened to those thoughts and felt depressed and ready to quit. In fact, each night, after hours of planning, research and focus on my new business venture, I went to bed and these thoughts took over. But in the end and by the time I wake each morning I hear/know that all I have to do is keep going, taking the next step, and the next, and the next. It works. The voices disappear and I am a focused creator.

Today I feel accomplished and excited. My husband is helping me and to work alongside him toward a mutual goal, one that will free us from the very things we feel burdened by, is an amazing feeling. It’s even more awesome to see his interest and excitement matches mine.

What ultimately is allowing me to feel this amazing despite following a completely new path is that I am allowing all potentialities to exist – even failure – and not caring that I may not know what is around the corner. This business may fail, but if I don’t try I fail anyway. I have nothing to lose.

My husband and I are already picking a name. I can’t share it here yet but in the process of brainstorming I remembered a name I had picked out years ago when I first began thinking of the possibility of opening my own business. When I told my husband the name and its origin, he immediately agreed it was the perfect name. To see the name written down again filled me with knowing of its rightness, of the rightness of all of this.

It is a wonderfully alive feeling.

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Purpose?

I have spent an entire lifetime searching for my purpose. It has been quite elusive. The only sense I have of it is that I am here to help. The problem is that I never knew exactly how.

I have always been jealous of people who knew exactly what their life purpose was and how to fulfill it. My ex-husband was one of these. He told me that he knew from the age of six. Six! And he achieved it exactly. The drive toward his purpose was intense and without doubt. Oh how I wish I had that!

I have met others who knew without a doubt what they were here to do and the steps to take to get there. Each time they seemed to have always known. Me, never. I just seem to drift here and there.

My earliest memories in childhood are of talking to myself and or listening to an inner voice. I was mostly happy and carefree. I had vivid dreams and visions I didn’t understand but I was not really worried about them.

But, when I was seven that all changed. I had recurring nightmares and emotional upsets. I realize now that I was overwhelmed by the emotions of others. I could not block them and took them on as my own. It was at this point that I began to wish for my own death. I often said over and over, “I wish I were dead” and I spent much of my time angry that I was alive.

By the time I entered my teens I had isolated myself pretty much from everyone, though I could not do that with my family. This I did to protect myself; to maintain some sort of balance. I was also searching for my purpose. I could not find it and there was always this gaping hole inside of me, this unfulfilled part that welled up from within. I felt something was missing but I didn’t know what. On top of that I had no clue why I was here other than “to help”.

I continue to be haunted by the feeling that I am suppose to be doing something but I don’t know what. I have become use to it, focusing on one area or another in my life to stay busy. When I am busy the feeling is not so noticeable. But it is always there.

I am again finding myself noticing the feeling. I have this impatience now that was not there before. I continue to feel as if I am waiting to get this urge to act. Yet it never comes. I feel like I have been waiting forever for this knowing, this purpose, to come to me.

I am not sure it will ever come.

In recent days I have been very close to my HS. I feel impatient. I want to “get on with it”. I am reassured and reminded to focus on my heart, which I do, but it only seems to increase the feeling that there is something, just out of my reach, waiting for me. It has rekindled the desire to find my purpose, to live my purpose. But there is a definite hold back occurring. Not yet. Not yet.

It makes me want to kick and scream and yell. It also makes me want to sigh and give up. I am told “Apathy won’t help”. I understand this and so I resign myself to my daily routine, trusting my HS. I am encouraged to write, to keep writing, so I do. It does help to get all of this out. Maybe someone is listening, maybe not. Maybe someone can relate. This path is a lonely one and a frustrating one, that is for sure.