Tag Archives: kundalini

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Kundalini After Effects

It’s times like these I wonder, “Why me?” lol

Two mornings ago, after my last Kundalini episode, I began to notice the tell-tell signs of a yeast infection. This is not a common occurrence for me, I’ve maybe had 3 my entire life, so I was a bit slow in figuring it out. Yesterday there was no longer any doubt in my mind. Ugh! So bought the treatment but had to wait until evening to use it. Not that a yeast infection is a big deal for me, just a minor nuisance.

Then last night, right before bed and after 30 minutes of Hatha yoga my throat began to get hot and sore. On top of that I had an unusual amount of saliva! Both right when I was trying to get to sleep. The throat soreness was bearable but the saliva kept me from falling asleep because I kept having to swallow and with each swallow I was reminded of my throat soreness.

Online research said what I was experiencing was normal. Since I have had this happen in the past I accepted this answer. The solution was taking Benadryl as it will dry out the sinuses. So that is what I did.

Then my throat started really burning, like hot hell fire burning. I had to suck on a nasty Cepocal  lozenge just to make it bearable. At the same time I guess the medication for the yeast infection exacerbated the situation because it became very uncomfortable in that area as well.

So there I was in bed, hoping for a  good night’s sleep realizing that was not going to happen. No way! I had a fire in my crotch (lol) and a fire in my throat at the same time! I’m thinking, “OMG what kind of joke is this?? Really!?”

I got maybe 4 hours of sleep total last night. Each time I would enter into a dream I would end up awake from the burning in my throat. Sigh.

I blame Kundalini for this. The last cycle of energies must have blown out a blockage in my root and fifth chakras. I’m pleased to have cleared something but not pleased that my body reacted with illness. I wish that didn’t happen. I ended up with a two week long sinus infection last time. Hoping this time the issues remain minor as I will be in Mt Shasta by Friday and really don’t want to be sick and miserable.

At least I am getting a good laugh. The universe really has a sense of humor!

 

 

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Revelations from the Kundalini

It has been an Ah-Ha kinda morning! When I woke up, I even talked to my husband for a good 30 minutes straight about my realizations. That in itself is a shock. lol

Since the Kundalini has begun to rise with such intensity, my Companion continues to ask me the same question over and over. “What do you feel?” he will ask. I think and think but the answer has been too complicated. What I feel is too difficult to describe! It is beyond my ability to articulate!

At night and during any meditation break I am asked this question. Last night was no exception. “What do you feel?” I was asked again. Just thinking about the feeling made me cry. It is so amazingly beautiful!

I was unable to stop my tears. They just slowly dripped from my eyes as I recalled the feeling of the Kundalini. My memory of it brought back the heart warmth and only made me miss it more. I remember thinking, “This must be what a heroine addict feels like.” lol

As I calmed, the only word that came to mind was “potentiality”.

That’s when it hit me. The feelings were my own potentiality being realized. The Kundalini is self-realization.

I had already heard of self-realization, or self-actualization, from my school years. Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs came to mind. Read the article in the link if you need a refresher. With this my understanding of self-realization/self-actualization was complete. I never truly understood it until now.

In explaining it to my husband this morning, it was just made more clear to me. The reason the K is so intense, so overwhelming beautiful, is that as it rises one’s full potential is expanded and realized via each of the chakras. So, as the K rises through the root chakra, all one’s potential to create and experience within the scope of this chakra is realized. It creates a heavenly explosion of all that the root chakra encompasses. And to be clear, the explosion of potentiality is neither good nor bad, it just IS. And with each chakra the potentiality is realized and builds upon the others.

In my mind I understood with complete clarity what was occurring and why and what I was feeling. It is like every emotion, every lifetime, and all the potential within me to express myself is contained in the K energy. It is unrestrained, unrestricted, undefined. It is timeless and all-encompassing. And all of it, every seductive, succulent piece of it, is ME.

This potentiality within the experience of the Kundalini is so vast, so expansive, that when one succumbs to it (which one cannot avoid) there is no longer a need to experience within the confines of the physical because the potentiality of all of the Self is realized. This explains the feeling of impending “death” that accompanies the K. With death, one completely succumbs and let’s go. They transcend this reality and enter the the place of no-time. The place where everything just IS, all at once. There is no wanting, no lacking, no judgement.

Within the lower chakras is contained every emotion and expression therein that I am capable of. Within the upper chakras is contained my manifestation potential. The spark that lights the fire of creation. My fifth chakra, the chakra of communication, is the first manifestation outlet. Speak your truth. Create your reality via expression. Sing your emotions. Sing the life you wish to create. Give your potential a voice, a personality, a channel from which to project itself.

Entrance into the physical reality singles out one’s potential. It is focus upon specific potentialities. So that when we are here in this physical experience, we are choosing to manifest a specific aspect of ourSelf – a potentiality in physical form. The reason the K can create such upset for one within the physical experience of it is because the physical is incapable of expressing all of one’s potential in one lifetime. It is meant to limit us to only the expression of some of our potential. It is finite.

The path to K is overwhelming to the physical Experiencer and can result in insanity if irresponsibly set upon. Resistance to the K once initiated can also result in a feeling of insanity. So if you have K-rising, just accept and succumb. The results will be beyond imagining.

 

 

 

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Another Visit from Kundalini

I have taken to meditating in the middle of the day this week. Usually, this time is spent clearing my mind and connecting with my Team.

We discussed my fear reaction during the previous night’s dreamstate in which I felt the Kundalini rising. They reassured me that all was going as planned. My Companion was particularly excited and his energy was very uppity, more so than usual. He showed me a visual of a thumb and pointer finger real close together and said, “You are almost there.” As I became more relaxed and close to entering the trance state I saw a visual of Dorothy’s red shoes tapping together three times and heard, “There’s no place like home.” This brought me out of my reverie and I wondered about it, and heard, “The Union is close. Soon you’ll be Home. We’re waiting for you.” The energy around me indicated quite a few more members of my Team than I am use to. I tried not to overthink it, but typically when the numbers rise, so do my chances of a “big event” in my life. The excitement from my Team was tremendous.

Talk about a build, up, huh? lol

Dream: Choosing to be Bad

I was with a family consisting of a mother, father and young woman. The environment had a continuous golden hue about it as did the young woman who was the focus of my attention. I was traveling with the family to what would be the woman’s new school (university).

We approached an island in a boat. The island was magnificent with crystal blue waters surrounding it and white sand beaches. It also had tall, red porous rock (pumice) mounds formed from the magma from an old volcano. The rock was used as a building material for the housing of the island and I could see tall structures resembling human-sized ant colonies with blue glass windows indicating the separate living quarters.

We walked amidst many hundreds of other families who were all gathering there for orientation. I was sent to gather information when we stopped and stood at the base of an elevator. There was a feeling of anticipation mixed with nervousness, similar to how I recall feeling on my own first day of college. There is nervousness in going off on one’s own but this is also the very source of the excitement.

I went to the university cafe to order something to eat and saw a group of dark haired, Asian men in a group discussing something. An officer approached them to break them up and I assumed these men must be of the “bad” sort. I then watched some students mingling around a table. One was standing in an ant bed and had ants crawling up his trousers.

The men caught my attention again and before I knew it I was standing next to one of them. All I recall now is his dark hair because there was an intense attraction to him. He persuaded me to go with him and was very blunt in his advances. My entire focus was on him and the feeling he gave me. It was spectacular and I was enthralled by its seductive quality. I felt completely and utterly under his spell and did not reject it.

I spent the rest of the dream with this man who told me his name was Michael. He had 100% of my attention and anything he suggested I was willing to do, even if it was something I would normally never consider doing. Despite me describing him as “bad”, he was nothing of the sort. He was completely gentle, loving and compassionate. I trusted him with my all and knew he would never ask of me something that was not in my best interests. Besides, the spectacular feeling I had when around him was intoxicating. I knew without a doubt that I didn’t want to be with anyone but him.

The dream shifted. I was in a state of euphoria, going around from person to person asking them if they were going to attend the event. It had a name but it is lost to me now. However, I knew that it was similar to a divorce because in my mind the event’s focus was on my current husband and our dissolution of marriage. In the dream I was not upset at all about this. In fact, I was celebrating it.

The Micheal person who I had been with earlier in the dream reappeared then and began to discuss with me plans for our Union. I do not remember it  – or anything we talked about really  – I was too absorbed in the amazing, all-encompassing bliss feeling that was coursing through me. All I cared about was completing the circuit of this energy but was held back by him. “Not yet” was all remember him saying about it.

Afterwards

I woke up and the dream quickly began to fade, but my Companion was talking to me and continuing the conversation I was having with Michael in the dream. When I focused on his voice in my mind my heart lit up with an amazing feeling. It is indescribable! It was so much more powerful than I had felt up until this point that I wondered if I was about to die. All I wanted to do was succumb to it; to let it overtake me and be lost in it. It is beyond any ecstasy I have ever experienced and even that is an inadequate description.

I wish I could remember everything he said to me, but again the feeling was so amazing and powerful that my mental focus was nil. lol I had lost all resistance. Not one ounce of it remained. Even now all I can think about is losing myself in that feeling. I remember briefly thinking as the feeling waned, “I should be afraid. He (my Companion) could do anything he wanted with me and I would accept it. What if he is tempted to abuse that power?” I understood then the source of my fear for any human would be tempted by such power over another. Yet the thought disintegrated in the presence of the all-encompassing bliss feeling. I didn’t care one bit if I was abused. But I knew I wouldn’t be.

At this point my crown chakra was intensely blazing and it felt as if the entirety of the top and back of my head was a vast vortex of energy flowing in. My third-eye was also blazing but distinctly separate from the crown sensation. Since the heart bliss was still very powerful, I briefly thought the circuit was about to complete. All that was missing was my throat chakra! This is when most of our conversation becomes memorable to me.

From what I can recall of our conversation, he told me that the Union was forthcoming. My trip to Mt. Shasta was mentioned along with the soul exchange. He told me I would be “called” and in this case I knew it was in regards to my “work” here on Earth. There was a sense that after the Union my focus – knowingness – would be shifted into high gear and the doubt erased as to what I am suppose to do and why. It scared me somewhat because I knew partially what this entailed and my dream hinted at it.

He reminded me of something he told me during the last full moon (major K energy then, too). He told me, “When you see me, you will die a thousands deaths.” I suspect now this is meant to warn me of what to expect when the Union is complete. I attribute Union to the completion of the Kundalini circuit, but I may be wrong. All I know is that I am more than willing to die a thousand deaths and then some. That is how seductive the feeling is. It says, “Surrender to me” and the feeling is that when I fully surrender that I will cease to exist as me – that I will become We. I will go back to Source and become Whole; complete; restored to my full brilliance.

I can’t wait.

 

 

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Dream, OBE and Realizations

As always, just when I think I’ve gone back to “normal”, something happens to shake things up.

It began with me feeling a strange energy shift yesterday which made me feel a bit melancholy. I requested help prior to sleep, asking my guidance what, if anything, I should do. I was told I would astral project but I responded that I was not really interested in projecting.

Dream: Scandal

I entered a semi-lucid dream in which I was a guest at a luncheon with many friends and acquaintances. The house was quaint and reminded me of a country cottage. There was a long table dressed with a white tablecloth in the center of a country-style kitchen. Sitting at the table was approximately five or six people, couples mostly.

The wooden floors creaked as I approached the table. I was introduced to a woman who was familiar from recent dream. She had dark, curly, shoulder-length hair and fair skin. When we were introduced I became dizzy, which was odd. My entire head began to spin and within the dream I recognized why. I knew this woman and her partner. There was a brief memory of Russia being involved in this exchange of information. A past life perhaps? IDK but it triggered a dizzy spell within the dream experience.

Then I was interacting with this woman’s partner. I never quite saw him clearly, which is weird. He was young, I know that, and I believe he also had fair skin but still I struggle to recall his exact appearance. He came up to me and there was a huge inrush of attraction and energy that hit me square in the heart and shot down through to my root chakra. He moved in very close to me and there was a knowingness that his intentions were to be with me despite having a partner. He hooked his arm around mine and led me to the opposite side of the room. He kept brushing my chest purposefully. I recall that I was wearing a corseted blue dress. My reaction to this was to pull away out of fear that someone would see us. I remember a man glancing in our direction and the word “scandal” came to mind.

Then we were outside of the cottage on the edge of a large, green meadow. There were very tall trees that towered over us and a cool breeze. I leaned up against one of the trees, its bark was white like an aspen. The man was with me and he was embracing me and there was such a glorious feeling in this. My heart was so full that I could not breathe. I recall him asking me if I would run off to Montana with him. I wanted to. Badly. Yet I kept having this awful feeling of dread and my emotions were conflicted to the point of torture. What about his partner? I couldn’t do that to her. I was ashamed that I wanted to.

I don’t recall making out or doing anything sexual with this man. At one point, though, my breasts were exposed and I was encouraging him by saying, “They are all outside”. Obviously, the dream had shifted back to inside the cottage. The man said, “No, they are just there” pointing to the doors. I became frozen with fear at this point and a bit paranoid. The energy was still pummeling me from my chest to my toes. I was overcome by it. I wanted to completely succumb to it yet at the same time I was paralyzed by it.

At this point the man and everyone else disappeared. I was alone in the cottage searching for a broom and dustpan. My entire focus was to sweep up some spilled cereal that had gotten underneath the cabinets. At the back of my mind the entire time was the man and what he represented. I wanted nothing to do with any of it.

Realizations

I woke up gradually and without much memory of the dream at first. However, someone was still speaking to me and encouraging me to remember. I was asked to focus on what I felt. When I did this I felt the surge of energy in my heart chakra and an inability to breathe through it. I shut it down as quickly as I could but at the same time I did not want the feeling to stop. It is the most spectacular feeling yet when I have it I feel so much dread, as if I will die or something horrible will happen if I allow it. I want desperately to get away from the feeling.

Within moments of all of this, I realized  my “running” was true. I was absolutely terrified and in that moment all I felt was a paralyzing terror. The heart sensation was muted and I wanted to feel it but I also wanted to run as far away from it as I could get. To want something so desperately but at the same time feel absolute terror and dread for that very thing is a VERY conflicting situation to be in. I HATE IT!

The dream began to hit me in full and the woman and the dizzy feeling was very pronounced. I literally began to lose consciousness in the dream and could almost contact the feeling right then and there while recalling it. I knew there was a past life connection there somewhere. It was linked to Russia and in recalling the dream I remember hearing someone speak with a Russian accent. In my mind a scenario began to play out. Couple immigrates from Russia. Man meets me and we are caught up in a scandalous romance. He begs me to run off with him to Montana.

I immediately tossed it from my mind, though. I couldn’t handle it. No more past lives! No more of any of this!

I felt so much dread and a pure panic. My mind was going a million miles an hour but the thoughts were muddled and nothing made sense. The main thoughts that I had were that that wonderful feeling = really horribly bad stuff. lol

As I calmed and listened to my guidance I understood that the Kundalini was in a sense forcing these issues to the surface. I have so much fear associated with this particular kind of love but I desperately want to experience it. I was reminded that this love is okay and I am not “bad” for feeling it. Despite this I could not help but feel “bad”. I felt awful. I felt like a whore. A slut. Completely degraded. WTF?

OBE

I fell back to sleep hearing my guide tell me, “You will project”. He was correct. But it was a brief projection. Almost immediately upon returning to sleep I woke up from within a dream and said, “I’m OUT! I’m OUT!” over and over. “Out” meaning OOB. I disconnected from my dream-self, turned around and forcefully said to her, “I’m OUT!!!” As I did, I literally pushed her away from me but the sensation was the opposite of what I expected. I felt myself pulled with intense force back into her. For what seemed like an eternity I pushed and pushed with all my might to get away from her. I was “out” but couldn’t detach completely. And in focusing so much on trying to get out I began to hold my breath. Imagine pushing on something, like a heavy dresser, and how you bear down, holding your breath as you push with all your might. This is what I did to the point that I felt my physical body screaming for air. The sensation of breathlessness was the last straw and my physical body sucked me back with such force that my energy was very strange and I felt somewhat disoriented. I yelled at my guides, “I want OUT and I don’t want to ever go back!” I heard in reply, “Foolish girl”. LOL Now that just made me angry and I said, “If it is possible I will figure out how to do it.”

Considerations

I drifted back to sleep briefly and when I awoke I felt much more settled. My heart was no longer blazing but my entire midsection was sore. I am sure I gave my solar plexus quite a workout. lol

The struggle I am going through is not fun. I honestly don’t know how to embrace the feeling that I obviously want to embrace despite the fear it triggers. I know I need to confront the fear head-on but I don’t know how. There is such an exhaustion related to this struggle now. I wish I had never contacted the feeling now, but then I can’t go back, can I? Obviously, in my past lives, I have felt the feeling and been overcome by it, making some really stupid decisions and then blaming myself, degrading myself, beating myself up for it. There is a sense that I would die for the feeling, and I guess I have several times. LOL I can laugh now, but then the energetic impact, the “soul damage” that has been done is painfully obvious. I relate the feelings with being “bad” or “bad” things. The judgement is severe. Sigh. Yet I know I will get past it. The only way out is through.

 

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OBE: Conscious Exit and Pranayama

I woke at 5am. Again. Sigh. Wide awake, this time I was in a better mood and took advantage of the quiet time and meditated. I stated my intent to astral project and asked for help in dropping my astral body.

OBE: Conscious Exit

Laying on my back, I grew listless and uncomfortable after a short while, so rolled over onto my left side. I stated mentally several times, “I am out of body”. Then there is a blank space, as if everything goes black.

The next thing I recall, I am pulled out of the background noise of my conscious mind by the humming of insects and chirping crickets. At the same time I saw an image in front of me of a dense forest and starry night sky. With the image came the actual feeling of being in the forest along with the musty smell of the forest floor. The image would fade in and out and I knew I needed to focus on it in order to be pulled into it. Yet I was very, very drowsy and resisted the draw into the forest. Part of me just wanted to sleep.

As I watched and listened to this forest in front of me, the chirping crickets and hum of the forest faded out and was replaced by the familiar noise of my home in the morning – children talking excitedly, kitchen noises as breakfast is being made, etc. The image of the forest disappeared when these new noises came in. I knew these were noises-off and to not focus on them, even though I wanted to. I reminded myself to ignore them and that is when I recognized the vibrations hitting me in waves. Woosh, woosh, woosh.

Not near as intense as when I first began to project, the vibrations were noticeable enough to alert me to the fact that it was a prime time to exit my body. I remember having to convince myself that I wanted to project and feeling nearly sucked into unconsciousness. Eventually, though, my intent won over and I pulled myself out of my body. I exited via my back and my head and shoulders lingered longer than the rest of me. The feeling was like sticky, taffy, but I was not going to give up and I forced the rest of my astral body out and away from my body.

Instantly I could see very clearly and the room was lit up with a bright, yellow/gold color. The walls were white (in reality they are green) and everything was sparkling with energy.

I did not linger long at the sight because I knew I needed to get a certain distance from my body else it would suck me back it and the tacky, heavy energy was still present. I did look at my hands for a moment and say, “Clarity now!” but I did not linger and find out if it made any difference.

I floated through a non-existent door (which should have been there) and across the family room toward the stairs. The stairs were not in the right place either and instead of being one single flight, there were two separated by a landing.

As I floated down the stairs I felt a distinct rise in my vibration. I had gotten far enough away from my body! I began to giggle and wanted to fly but felt I should not attempt it yet. So, I hopped the stair railing and skipped the landing altogether, jump-floating down the stairs. Then I saw my son sitting at the bottom of the stairs surrounded by tons of toys. He looked up at me, his green eyes sparkling and a big smile on his face. I remember hearing him in my mind at first. His greeting was a surge of love and joy.

I had not forgotten my purpose for this projection: to drop my astral body. I knew in order to do this I needed to get outside. So, when I saw my son taking up the entire bottom of the stairs I paused and told him, “It’s a beautiful day! I’m going outside.” He looked at me and said, “I wanna go with you!” His energy reached out to me and was familiar. I wanted to take him with me but knew I could not.

I did not have time to answer him. In one big swoosh of energy I felt to be carried by a wave of energy back into my physical body.

Guidance: Pranayama 

Once back in my body, the vibrations were still present but faded off as soon as I thought of projecting again. Not disappointed, I checked the time feeling certain it must have been over an hour since meditating and projecting. But it was only 6:14am.

I asked my guides why I was able to project. Their answer, “You set the intention. You wanted to.” lol It is true. Prior to bed I took B6 just in case it might help me to project. The intention had been there ever since the previous day, when for months now I have really had no interest.

This does not negate what was told to me about the astral realms. They are collapsing in on one another. I questioned this yesterday and the answer was that projection can and does occur but is only sustainable by those able to keep their vibrations high and stable. The astral body has a reactive tendency similar to the physical body, which makes it harder to stabilize. The mental body, however, is not as reactive.

I was told that in order to drop my astral body, I must work on my energy body. Attempting to project when my energy body was not adequately energized results in a loss of vibration early in the projection. This is what happened yesterday morning. This morning, however, my energy was higher and so upon exit there was not darkness and my energy was light and flowing (despite the sticky exit).

So how to I adequately energize my energy  body? They said one word, “Pranayama.” Instantly, memory came to me of my Kundalini Yoga practice and the Breath of Fire.

I was encouraged to try two things then:

1. Circulate my energy very rapidly from my feet up to my crown and down to my feet. I was shown what this looked like when done. It appeared like a strobe light, flashing brightly as it hit certain chakras (heart, solar plexus and root).

2. Take deep, long breaths.

So I did as instructed while laying on my back. As I circulated my energy, I was asked to focus on areas where the energy was less present. I noticed my feet were a problem area. As soon as I noticed this my feet began to buzz with intense energy. Then my throat was another sticking point and focusing on it made my entire body jump. lol That was a shocker.

When I stopped circulating the energy, I continued deep breathing and within moments I was in the trance-state and my body seemed hit by an energy wave that entered via my lower pelvic region. I was able to maintain the energy for quite some time and began to get hypnagogic imagery and hear noises-off again.

Surprised that I had brought this all on so quickly (I was wide awake by now) I brought myself out of the trance-state by moving my hand. My feet still felt off but I was told the more I circulated my energy the less this area would trap energy.

Very cool!

 

 

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Kundalini Dream: MOAB

Last night was interesting to say the least.

Dream: Test Preparation

Quick dream recall to set the scene. 🙂

I was at school and preparing to take a test. My teacher, a tall, brunette, was focusing on me even though she had an entire class of kids. The other kids appeared to be about 10 years of age and the classroom was yellow and gold colors. Part of my preparation involved making myself a lunch for my trip which was to be by plane. I remember feeling I might be late and rushing.

During the preparation, a man kept calling by phone trying to talk to me and talk me out of going on the trip. I could see him in my mind and he reminded me of one of my old neighbors – older, gray hair, wrinkled and thin. I remember him calling on the phone and hearing him cock a gun and I said, “Tell him he doesn’t need to bring his gun.” I saw in my mind a shot gun and felt as if he were trying to protect me.

Then I was being send to a one-room house. These were to be my quarters while I prepared. The cottage sized house was cozy and had an attached single car garage. I remember the old man also got a cottage. I’m not sure why he came along, though.

Dream: Arranged Marriage

I was ushered into a great hall where an event was underway. There was a Hindu/Indian feel and theme to the obvious celebration. There was a stage and a band was playing. I remember being asked to sing a song, but I didn’t know the words so just kind of made them up as I went. The song reminded me of a Phil Collins song. lol Everyone was happy, dancing and/or milling about. I felt out of place, though. Why was I here?

The woman, the teacher from the last dream, informed me that I had agreed to marry a man. The marriage had been arranged and this was the celebration – our celebration. I understood this to be true and immediately looked for my my husband-to-be. I saw him sitting down near the band on a bench, not far from where I sat and to my left. I looked at him closely, inspecting his features and trying to memorize what he looked like. He had black hair, cropped short with medium skin tone and looked much, much older than me by the amount of deep lines on his face. His eyes were dark brown. He was quite thin and wiry and his face familiar.

In front of us there was a large, Asian-looking house with golden colored gates. For some reason I thought they were “garages“. There were three in a row and the same person (the woman?) told me that the garages were very difficult to operate. Then my attention was drawn to tiny figurines lined up by the house. I was told these were “idols” that people had put there and that this place was in fact a shrine of some sort. I then saw someone walking away from the house with two dolphins on leashes. They were taking them to the ocean. In the dream I remember laughing at the sight of it because it was so absurd.

Lucid Dream: MOAB

This is when the dream takes a turn and my lucidity begins to increase. The woman continued to prepare me for my upcoming wedding and spoke to me at some length. I remember someone asked me to purchase a newspaper and the man I was to marry interrupted and said, “It does not need to be purchased. It is free to everyone.” It was a newspaper I recognized, some scientific publication, but I can’t recall the name now.

Then the man was sitting very close to me on my right. I remember sensing his thoughts and saying out loud, “It’s okay. We’re going to be married anyway.” The man turned to me and I looked at him. I could only see his dark brown eyes. I asked him, “What is your name, anyway?” He said, “MO-AB. Moab.” I heard it very audibly in the dream and it brought on almost full lucidity. I repeated the name to him slowly and then he repeated it back to me.

The next thing I knew he kissed me very gently on the lips. I could feel it as if I were awake and I did not reject it. It is amazing to me how real it felt. There was an internal conversation going on in my head with him at the time. I also recall knowing what he felt and what he wanted. It was very strange. I sensed he wanted to kiss more deeply. I allowed this because his energy was so calming and soothing and the kissing felt nice.

Then I felt I needed to stop. I don’t know why but at the same time he was asking me not to stop though there were no words said. I just felt what he wanted. He wanted to embrace me and wrap me in his arms while kissing me. When the thought hit me to pull away, my heart chakra lit up intensely. The feeling in my heart was a mixture of pain and pleasure and intensified to the point that I couldn’t breathe. Then the energy from my heart shot straight down into my root chakra and began to move up with even greater intensity. I pulled away from his kiss and woke up.

Afterward

Even awake, the energy continued and I was unable to breathe. My guide kept asking me, “How do you feel?” over and over. I couldn’t really answer at the time. I was ablaze with energy and trying to recover. lol

I kept recalling the name MOAB. I had heard it before. Why was I hearing it again? What the heck is MOAB??

The clock said 3:45am. I was awake until 5:15am before I fell back to sleep. It took that long for the energy to settle. He kept asking me how I felt. I was finally able to respond, “Aroused.” LOL However, this arousal is not typical. The energy in all my lower chakras and heart chakra was intensely arousing for some reason, in a spiritual way. It was like the heart bliss spread to my lower chakras.

I knew/was told that this was just a preparation and more is coming. This “test” was to see how I would handle the energy. I was told I passed but I felt like I failed because I knew the energy was suppose to be moved up. How the hell am I suppose to remember to move it up when it is taking over all my lower chakras?? Since my heart chakra continued to blaze for a while after the experience, I practiced moving it up and got as far as my throat but lost interest.

Edit: I looked up the meaning of the name Moab. Apparently it can mean many different things, some of which we do not even have a word for. However, when reading this article I was drawn to this explanation:

“But the word אב (‘ab), meaning father, also occurs in meanings other than that of a biological parent. Sometimes it’s used to indicate the lord of a village (Isaiah 22:21), or an elder (2 Kings 2:12), or an ancestor (Genesis 10:21), and often it simply indicates a position of authority; a counselor (Genesis 45:8) or prophet (2 Kings 6:21). The word ‘ab is also ascribed to God (Isaiah 63:16, Hosea 11:1)

Specifically, I feel this name is given to represent our relationship (me and this guide/mentor). He is to me an ancestor of some sort and since he is my mentor (counselor) this applies as well. I am reminded of the church and how we use “father” or “elder” for those in divinely appointed positions. Perhaps this is also applicable here.

 

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Reset: Restoring Internal Balance

I’m still sick. 😦

This is my hypothesis on why I am sick. Kundalini. Yep. She’s the culprit. During the lucid dream I had on February 18th my body was hit with Kundalini of such intensity that it literally blew right through every one of my chakras. If there was a blockage it was obliterated. No blockage could have withstood her.

I definitely was unable to withstand her. My entire world has been different since that experience. Everything looked wrong in my life and every relationship, every like/dislike, seemed trivial and without purpose. Unfortunately, it still feels that way. I am really struggling to try and make sense of my life right now. Yeah, it was quite a shake to the core.

Apparently blowing through blockages like that is dangerous business. Thankfully I did not have many major blockages left (I don’t think) after all the “preparation” and “adjustments” I was given by my Team beforehand. Yet, there were obviously still some remaining, enough that clearing them that fast and furiously created this miserable, never-ending cold. On top of that, it fast-forwarded my monthly cycle by a full week which was a further depletion of my physical energy and resources.

I suspect the chakras most affected by the K energy surge I experienced, the ones most blocked and now unblocked, were my throat, heart, second and third chakras. I suspect this only because my current illness began in my chest and came with sore throat, stomach upset, diarrhea, cramping, and coughing. I’ve never experienced a chest cold with those lower body symptoms. Just weird.

My guidance is very quiet and very distant. There is one, lone guide around me and I do not recognize him. His energy is too distant for me to tune into but he did wrap me in wonderful energy last night and that was enough to know that whoever he is, his main objective is to help me through this tough patch. I feel like he is an angel and I don’t often use that word.

Early in the morning, after being awakened at 5:00am, I drifted back into the in-between. While there, I saw a long list. It was typed in black ink on white paper. I don’t remember all of what was listed, but I do recall that the words, “Spirit” and “Balance”. I woke immediately upon reading the word, “Balance” and was upset by it. This is because I thought it meant my external world was out of balance and I was being asked to return to the workplace. There came with this a knowing that it was not the external that needed balance, it was needed internally. Oh. Then I saw in my mind, “Reset”. Hmmm. There’s that word again. What does that mean? I got no explanation but I then saw, “6 weeks”. Ugh! 6 WEEKS!!?

Whatever this reset is I am not looking forward to it because I suspect it means that I will not be having many, if any, spiritual experiences over the next six weeks. I could be wrong, though. It could be the exact opposite I suppose. Who knows. Who cares, I guess. I’m just too sick and sick of being sick to care anyway.

 

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Riding the Dragon

The Kundalini acceleration continues. I am definitely “riding the Dragon”.

I was awakened at 3am from a dream in which I was joining a new group. Prior to this I had visited a team I was overlooking and ran into a gentleman who was overly enamored of me. I was warned that my Light is amplified at this time and to expect more such encounters both in dreams/the astral and in the physical.

I was called to a meeting. I was late so it was embarrassing to be called in at the last minute. There was a special guest in front of the group. I felt out of place. Everyone was so much older than me it seemed. I was worried he would ask me to introduce myself. Thankfully he didn’t. Instead he began to read us all a story. All I recall of it now was that it was titled, “La Luna” and was about an ancient healing modality yet to be utilized on Earth. The healing was performed in conjunction with the phases of the moon.

I was awakened at this time and there was with me a young man who was very excited to meet me. He was not a guide but a member of the new group I had joined. His accent was odd and I could not place it. His energy was sky high and he was completely joyous. His name was Gerard and he told me he was from New Caledonia. I recognized the name but could not place it. He told me it was near Indonesia and French, which is why his accent was so strange. I looked it up this morning and sure enough this information is valid. So if you are Gerard – nice to meet you and I look forward to working with you.

Gerard had much to say. Thankfully, I now keep a notebook and pen beside my bed for times such as these. Here is what he told me:

Your Divine Fire has been lit. It will burn for the next 12-16 months. You are riding the Dragon. You are not doing this alone. Your counterpart is as well. There has been a Divine Union. You have a group of four; an inner circle. Like 2 split atoms; 2 became 4. 4 is a number you are familiar with. It repeats in your life. Your flame will burn uncontrollably until it reaches the 12th house (12th chakra? this is image I saw – chakras way up high over my head). This is complete embodiment. Whole. This process follows the cycles of the moon. La Luna. The magik of La Luna. Your fire will attract others. Be aware of your own energy. You are Brilliant and will be from now on. You are Awake. 

As he was talking to me there was a strange sensation in my root chakra. It felt like a hollow, glass tube was there. I could feel its expansiveness but the energy was normal.

I was able to return to sleep. I guess I am just too exhausted now after several days of interrupted sleep.

Root Chakra Explosion 

I found myself in a dream in which I was riding in a large SUV with family. We had been driving all night and stopped. That was when I saw the airbag had deployed but on the outside of the vehicle. It covered the entire hood.

As members of my group got out to deflate it, I saw a very tall individual wearing a blue jumpsuit. I identified the person as “she” and ran up to her calling her “sister”. She was strange looking – her face so dark I could not make out features. I remember her inviting me to join with her. I told her, “Not in this life, sister. Maybe in the next one.” I was so enthused at seeing her, though, that I gave her a hug. She was so tall that I had to jump into her arms to hug her. She had to be at least 8-9ft tall. She embraced me and kissed me. I held on to her and then realized she had initiated a kind of activation in my root chakra. Energy began to explode down toward my feet. It was a spectacular feeling and so intense that it woke me up. It continued for about 10 minutes afterward. The energy was so intense that it expanded down past my knees in a bubble. I could see it even – it was cherry red but not a solid color. It was more opalescent.

I have had root chakra activity in the past but nothing like this. It was pure ecstasy but also very sexual. I had no control over my body. It is embarrassing but at the same time I don’t really care. It was a spectacular experience.

After the energy abated my entire lower body up to my naval felt similar to how it felt after I had my babies. It is similar to intense menstrual cramping or back labor. I had a flash then of what had really happened. There had been some kind of spiritual surgery done and an intentional activation of the root chakra. It was explained that it was in preparation for the next step in the process coming on Tuesday.

I suspect that the tall, androgynous looking person wearing a blue jumper was likely an ET and one I am familiar with and not afraid of. This is likely why I could not see “her” face as well.

Implants

I was able to once again fall asleep (thank you!) but my sleep kept getting interrupted. I don’t know why They have to keep waking me up! I just wanted to sleep!

Anyway, I awoke this time around from a sign that was placed in front of my vision. I saw the message upon it written in cursive. It said, “Implants Placed.” Then below that was my real, legal name.

Of course this woke me with a start. This has not been the first time I have had a message about implants. I am not sure what they mean, but since my “other” name was used, I suspect these implants are being removed. Good.

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Relentless Kundalini

Yesterday was quite a doozy, wasn’t it? I am still recovering.

I spent most of the day handling some intense physical and emotional responses to the Kundalini energy that was triggered by the Unity experience I wrote about. At least I am assuming it was Kundalini energy.

My heart chakra was extremely open all day and I was exploding with energy. It was like I was a fireworks display. I only wish I could have seen what I looked like. I am sure it was spectacular. The energy was moving through me with such ferocity that at times my poor body was struggling. I could feel my lower chakras clearing. This clearing resulted in some crazy physical symptoms. I thought at one point I was getting the stomach flu again. I also felt surges of ecstasy that would disable me completely. I mean I could not think, I could not move, I could not function at all except to just allow it. I have never experienced such intense desire. It knocked me down more than once during the day. Thankfully I was not around a man – any man. LOL

Then there was the total loss of appetite. I had to force-feed myself food because knew if I didn’t eat I would just be more out of it. Thirst was also a problem. Constantly thirsty. I was also extremely dizzy. When I stood up I would almost black out. This was likely caused by low blood sugar from not eating enough, but since it happened even after I ate, I suspect the Kundalini was also the culprit.

There was also an emotion akin to excitement and nervousness that never really went away. This was the primary feeling coming through my heart space (except when the desire kicked in). This nervous anticipation feeling is likely why I couldn’t eat. It reminded me of how I use to feel when I started a new relationship with someone I was really, really into. It was that “first date” feeling. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I pace about and my mind is continually thinking about this person.

Since I had not slept much, I was exhausted all day, too. I began to really feel tired around 6pm but since I care for all three of my kids in the evenings (husband is gone all day and into the night) I could not stop to rest. And they were just as wired up as me. I suspect I did that to them because they were very reactive to my mood. My middle son was the worst. He was like a walking contradiction on top of being in constant mania mode. My youngest was so wired that when I tried to get him to sleep he kept jumping and babbling for an hour past his bedtime.

So, yeah, I was really tired by the time I went to bed.

Then I couldn’t sleep! 😦

There was just too much energy coursing through me. I swear I short circuited my phone more than once and my computer was like an amplifier to my energy at times. So by the time I tried to sleep my entire body was buzzing like I was about to go OOB and my mind was racing. I couldn’t shut it down and it just added to my exhaustion.

I somehow fell asleep around 1am. Unfortunately, I woke up at 5am to my body doing things it isn’t suppose to do without my permission (not going to get anymore personal than that, sorry!). LOL

I had dreams but the memory behind the dreams is what is significant. I recall laying on a table and being “worked” on. There were tall, yellow, cylinders placed on my mid-section. I think there were four or five. I knew that the energy was being rerouted by these cylinders. Unfortunately (or fortunately) they must have rerouted the energy to my root chakra, thus waking me up.

I was told upon waking that this was not the end of the crazy, intense energy. This is how I will become “clear” as They have told me. I guess if you get enough energy coursing through you it will just blast away the blockages. I am really grateful for the preparation work that was done now.

 

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Time to Elaborate a Bit

I am still processing everything that happened this morning but I wanted to share with you more of the details. I also need to write this down as I am still experiencing the effects of it. My heart chakra has been blasting away all day. The main energy is an anticipation or nervousness. At least it is not pure out panic. My third eye is also blazing away. I still feel like I am radiating energy – projecting it almost.

This morning when I awoke overwhelmed by what had just happened, I had not fully awakened despite sitting up in bed and crying. I kept going into the in-between. While there I heard a quiet voice telling me I was beautiful and the heart energy would fire up and I would get too aware again. I also had visions of seeing myself in a coffin. I saw several coffin visions, actually. This is also when I heard the voice tell me, “You’re ALIVE.” It was said in such a way as to interrupt my freaking out. There was emphasis on the word “alive”. It was said, “Ah-live”. lol At the time I didn’t think anything of it. I was too caught up in my mind, but now I realize a part of me was just born.

My mind was in overdrive. I couldn’t control it and I wanted to get up and write an email but I kept hesitating. I am glad I didn’t now as the energy of the computer would have likely thrown me off even more. But the desire to write was very strong. I knew so much all at once. It was like an inflow of huge amounts of information – information about my past, present and future. I don’t recall it all now, but it was part of the reason I was freaking out. I went down stairs and paced and paced for I don’t know how long. Too much energy. Too many thoughts.

I knew I had caused this to happen. I asked for it to happen a couple of nights ago. I actually asked for an OBE but was denied it. I had thought my requests had fallen on deaf ears. I guess not. Really happy about that now.

So this is what I experienced in that Union.

Intense love beyond anything I have ever experienced. It ignited every single chakra and I felt all the emotions connected to those chakras. It was like I lit up like a flare and sparks of energy went flying out my crown and my root at the same time. My mid-section was the most intense with a very, very pleasant yet explosive energy. Not sexual at all, believe-it-or-not. It was more like complete opening of Self. Raw, vulnerable and eager all at the same time.

In the few moments that I was caught up in this bliss I felt connected to everyone, everything; to Source. It was not just a connection to my “partner” but to everything and everyone that ever existed. It was like merging with him opened my eyes to something I had long forgotten existed. In that I realized I AM love. I AM all of it. I do not lack for anything.

When I awoke and the energy was still running through me, my vision was filled with flashes of the faces of people I had known in this life. Mom, Dad, sisters, brother, in-laws, husbands, children, friends, acquaintances, bosses….the list goes on. With each flash of a face I knew I loved them. All of them. Without a doubt. All I had was love for them. And I felt a connection to them as well. They are me.

The fear reaction I had to all of this was Ego. When I was able to get out of my mind and stay in my heart, there was only calm and a perfect happiness. There is a fullness and confidence in my heart that wasn’t there before; a knowing that everything is working out as it should.

I won’t deny that I am asking for it to happen again. Maybe this time I won’t wake up and cut it short. But then, the intensity of the experience is such that I don’t know what would have happened had I stayed. I am thanking my Team wholeheartedly this morning. They never fail to produce.

Oh and there was a song in my head as well. I almost forgot about it. Coldplay’s The Scientist (again). The only parts I kept hearing were:

I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions, Oh let’s go back to the start.

Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard.