Tag Archives: kundalini

by

Tough Day

I don’t have time to go into much detail and I’m not sure I could anyway, but today has been probably the toughest day for me ever. I mean it.

I don’t call friends for help. I did twice today. Twice. It helped some, but didn’t really give me any answers. I don’t know what the <expletive> is going on but it is NOT funny.

When the intensity was at its peak I was begging and pleading with my Companion to take it away. He told me to focus on my heart. Yeah, well that made it more intense since it was coming from my heart to begin with.

I did focus there, though, since I couldn’t really do anything else. And the answer I got was, “You need this to Remember”. Okay. Thanks.

My day didn’t start out like this. My heart center has been non-stop with energy for about three days now, but nothing unbearable. I could easily forget about it by keeping busy, which I did all morning. But around 2:30pm, when I was preparing something in the kitchen, it hit full force. It nearly knocked me out of my chair.

I won’t call it a bolt of lightening but it is similar in intensity. I can’t breathe, I can’t think, I can’t really do anything about it. I finished what I was doing and went outside to sit in the sun. The whole time I am asking my Companion to make it stop, to take it away, to fix it, or whatever. Can’t really remember now. It lasted over an hour. That’s when I caved and called out to my friends. Thankfully both were there.

I understand that we are being reUnited with members of our soul group now. I understand that I will be asked to do things that are outside my comfort zone. I get it. But this feels like I am being “summoned”.

I would much rather have my Companion yell “Get out now” like he did the first time.

Please pray for me. Honestly, I don’t know what else to say except that I need help getting through whatever it is that is happening to me. I don’t think healing would help, so hold back on that. I fear it would make the intensity worse.

 

 

by

Transmutation of Sexual Desire

It has come to my attention of late that there is an issue I am struggling with. It is specifically related to incarnating in the physical. Apparently this is a common issue among Star-people (Starseeds).

Transmutation of Sexual Desire

As energy-beings (Spirit or whatever you want to call it), those of us newly experiencing life in an Earth body amid limited and overly rigid belief systems, typically struggle to adjust to life on this planet. Though I do not completely feel “new” to this (I have incarnated here previously without much success in overcoming these limitations), there is much memory returning to me in regards to adjustment.

Of the most difficulty for me in this life is understanding and overcoming the limitations of human sexual desire and reproduction. In a nutshell, it is very difficult for me to override intense sexual attraction and desire for the opposite sex. I am currently in the pattern of resisting such physical attractions by simply eliminating them altogether. I have done this out of recognition of how destructive such tendencies can be. Yet these intense feelings are resurfacing and I have been struggling with them once again.

In this case, the feelings are arising for people I have never met in the flesh yet have a strong spiritual connection to. I sense their energy, their spark or signature, and it is familiar to me in a very deep and attractive way. I am struggling because when I sense their energy my physical body responds in its natural way. It perceives the attraction and so responds in kind. Then I, in recognizing this is inappropriate, promptly switch it off.

Yet I am being encouraged to not turn it off but to transmute it and so allow it to fully express itself in me. I recognized this morning that I have been learning how to do this during the night which is why I get teased in my dreams via “sexual” advances and jokes by my friends (not funny!).

It was explained to me that my familiarity and thus reaction to these kindred spirits whom I have never met in person is what is initiating the energy which triggers my physical reaction. The key is to not mentally shut it off but allow it to run its course while effectively controlling the physical components.

I am not sure I know how to do that but mentally I have a block to doing this. I feel I am somehow being untrue to my husband even though I logically know this is not the case.

The desire, I am told, is one I am familiar with and when asked to focus on it, I realized that what I am feeling is indeed something else altogether than what I thought it was. My Companion called it love, but love unlike in the human sense, as humans typically associate love with sex (ie love=sex) because this is how reproduction is accomplished.

Thankfully I am not stressing over this new development (or not so new really). I just need to withdraw my conditioned human response. This is a totally new, wonderful experience I am not allowing myself to have because of something that does not apply!

What It’s Like

How does it feel? The first inklings of the feeling (this is all that I have allowed) are similar to how I have  felt when meeting someone I had a strong attraction to in the physical. However, the feeling hits me in the heart center and this wonderful warmth spreads out that makes me lose my breath and causes me to want to melt into the ground. It is scary in some ways as it makes me feel like I will lose control. This is usually when I promptly put an end to it. I am told this feeling, if allowed to expand, will bring a much more beautiful experience. I have felt this before in this physical body (yes but by accident) and so I know what it feels like. I will say it is indescribable but is along the lines of pure ecstasy.

I do want to experience it again but there is such fear connected to it. I hate that my physical experiences have created this barrier for me. No wonder my friends in spirit think its funny. Sigh.

by

Heart Chakra Intensity and Swoosh!

I’ve had some energetic activity today which has been interesting. It began this afternoon on the way home from the gym at around 11:20am. I was singing a song and it vibrated intensely inside my chest, specifically right about my heart chakra. I was fascinated with this feeling. Had I felt it before when singing? If so, why was it so obvious now? I sang different pitches to test the sensitivity. The deeper notes felt the best. The vibrations felt lovely, too. Is this why I have always loved singing so much?

Around 1pm while at the park with my children I became very calm and peaceful. I kept noticing nature and feeling I should enjoy it. So I did. What was interesting is that my attention kept being drawn to individual leaves as they fell down towards the earth. I noted how different each of them was in the way they fell – their shape and movement. Some fell quickly in a mad dash for the ground. Others flitted and seemed to change their mind, flying upward toward the sky before finally settling to the ground. Again, I was fascinated by their dance. I could almost hear the Nutcracker playing in the background. hehe

Around this time I began to feel third-eye and heart chakra activity. We went for a walk like we always do after a visit to the playground. While walking my chest began to feel odd. There was a pulling energy in the same area where I had felt the vibrations previously, but this almost hurt. It did not last long, thankfully.

While going about the rest of my day I have felt as if I was being “watched” by a very large energy and had intermittent crown chakra sensations. I could not enjoy them because my children kept interrupting, so I don’t know much more than the feeling that accompanied them. It was a familiar feeling, one that in the past would have made me nervous. But this time there was no nervousness, just acceptance.

I decided to do yoga for the hips, back and legs. This is night three this week of yoga for me. I keep feeling drawn to do it, so I have been. This particular video was new and quite challenging for me since those areas are very stiff. I was completely immersed in the stretches and then when in savasana things changed.

The voice on the video requested I focus on the upper area of my heart (this was unexpected). So I did but when I did I felt uneasy, almost faint, and so would shift my focus to my third-eye and then redirect. The feeling kept returning along with a very strong presence to my left. It was really, really close and really, really BIG. I kept thinking, “I am going to pass out” but kept doing what the man was telling me to do. Focus on the upper heart area. Relax. Try not to think. Etc. The entire time this area of my heart felt very weird and caused me to feel as if I would pass out.

As the video was ending I was so deeply relaxed that I began to feel like I was sinking into the floor. I kept hearing noises that I think were on the video but I’m not sure. It just felt so wonderful.

All along there remained the huge presence to my left.

The next thing I know my body is being pounded by wave after wave of energy. Swoosh! Swoosh! Swoosh!

I knew I had entered the trance state and my mind was alerted instantly causing my heart to speed up a bit. But the energy kept pouring over me. It was an all-over intense energy, that came in waves that swept over me each more intense than the last. It was not the energy blanket like I would normally feel in this state. It was superb!

Sadly, my middle son came into the room and asked me why I was sleeping on the floor. Energy slowed but I continued to feel as if I had become one with the floor. Wonderful!

I don’t think I would have gone OOB but I felt like if I had passed out I would have left my body. What was so strange is that I felt drugged, as if I were being lulled into this state. Perhaps that was what the BIG presence was doing?

I am also fascinated by the upper chakra activity from today. First the vibrations from singing, then the strange ache and finally it causing me to feel faint. Weird! I am intrigued!

The BIG presence is Them. You know who, etc, etc. They’re baaaackk. lol

 

 

 

by

Group Karma and a Kundalini Surge

Last night was an intense one. I woke several times from a dream that just kept going. The dream isn’t what is important, though, as it was just symbolic of what was transpiring through the night. What is important is what I brought back from it.

Group Karma

The first time I awoke from the dream I was confused and it took me a while to realize I had been dreaming. In the dream I was convinced that my life had turned out differently. In that life I had made choices in my childhood; acted on impulses that resulted in me murdering another child and then covering it up. My siblings were in on it, specifically my older sister who then  committed a similar crime when she was much older.

Once I realized it was only a dream I knew that I was discussing group karma. I knew that my siblings and I had done something in previous lives that we were “fixing” and we were doing it together.

I fell back to sleep and dreamed of a trial. We had been caught and we were being sentenced. I got only 7 years as my sentence but my sister got much longer. She had known what she was doing; had intentionally done it and planned to do it. Me, on the other hand, had acted impulsively without consideration for the consequences. I remember feeling sad for my sister because she would have to do more time than me.

I woke again understanding that my time was meant to be served in conjunction with hers, which is why we incarnated as siblings in this life. The specifics of it are not known but the feeling I had confirmed I was right.

When I fell back to sleep, the dream continued but this time the person I was doing time with was my husband. When I awoke from this part of the dream I recognized our contract/agreement was meant to balance karmic debt. It felt like he was my sibling in a previous life. What is interesting is that it felt like the previous life was one not on Earth or if it was on Earth it was hundreds of thousands of years ago.

Metallic Box

While in the in-between sometime after the first waking, I witnessed a small metallic box floating in from of me. It appeared to have a white, cotton-like substance bursting from it and looked almost like a sandwich with metallic layers. I saw strange symbols and writing on it. I remember saying a name that sound like Metroika but I don’t believe this is correct. I know for sure I saw a capital “M” very pronounce in the center of the silver box and there was also a “T” in the middle of the name. As my awareness peaked I saw the cotton substance form into angel wings on either side of the box and knew the message was from a Being that would have been labeled as an angel or archangel. Metatron was the name that came to mind.

Kundalini Surge

In the early morning hours I experienced an odd Kundalini surge. In a dream I met with a man who I remember was the owner of a restaurant. He had given free meals to two of my friends but had not given me one. I was irritate by this and questioned him about it. He then took me with him on a walk and I remember knowing he was 40 years old. I was pleased that I was younger than him. I recall feeling that the years of life from 40 to 50 were significant for me but I did not know why.

At some point this man and I kissed but it was not normal. It was like we merged into each other. Where we touched felt huge, like a bubble of energy forming. My mouth felt very strange, like I was blowing a bubble that expanded to include all of my head except for the crown. My root and second chakra also had this bubble-like energy and I could feel them blowing up with energy. My crown chakra oscillated with energy but mostly it felt to be shooting energy straight up.

I could feel this man physically and when I touched him the energy increased. I know that I wanted the energy to move and was demanding it to do so, but this must not have been the right time because the more I willed the energy to rise, the more it went out rather than up.

When I finally came to full awareness my lower body felt warm and tingly and HUGE. I felt the energy of the man who was in my dream. It came from above me to my left and felt huge as well. I could feel the residual energy still lingering and my crown was still active.

Message

Prior to heading to bed I suddenly received communication from a guide/Being whom I had not met before. His energy was big but not imposing. He said to me, “You are not alone”. I responded with, “I know”, but I received back from him that the meaning of this particular message was that I was going to be contacted by others whom I do not normally communicate with.

I accepted the message and went on with my day but right before bed I was again met with the energy and the message repeated. This time I saw in my mind a visual of me recording myself channeling information. I don’t recall the message word-for-word now but I was being asked to channel information from these Beings.

I also remembered suddenly my encounter in 1989. I remember very little from that night but what I do remember was seeing a UFO up close and personal. I wondered about why it was that only I saw it? I wondered what happened during the time my memory is unclear? I heard then, “We chose you because you can see”. I asked then to remember whatever was lost, if it was significant. I have yet to remember but I hope I do.

by

Pyramid Meditation and Experience

As predicted in a message I received over a week ago, the 20th brought about yet another strange energy experience.

Pyramid Meditation

I have been reading Dolores Cannon’s Convoluted Universe Book 1 and am nearing the end of it. In one of the chapters there is discussion about how to balance chakras using a pyramid to help funnel the energy into the solar plexus which then balances out one’s whole energy system. This was in conjunction with information on how to manifest in the physical.

Since I had just read about it, I decided to try it as I did my nightly meditation.

The directions are simple:

Relax in your normal meditative position (mine is laying down with head propped on pillow).

Focus on your third-eye chakra while envisioning yourself laying in the center of a giant pyramid. Position yourself 1/3 of the way from the bottom, or base, of the pyramid.

When I did this, I immediately went into the in-between. I mean immediately! There was no time of clearing my mind or deep breathing. As soon as I saw myself inside the pyramid I went elsewhere. I don’t know where I went, but I went fast. So fast that I had this strange energy seemingly come at me with such force that I immediately came back from wherever I had been thinking, “What the hell!?”

The energy was that same energy as I had the night of this blog post. BUT this time the energy was not scary and did not shake me up. It felt more normal and balanced, like I had gained control of it somehow.

It is the oddest energy I have ever felt and I have felt some pretty weird energy! It felt like I was in a million pieces and then converged back into one whole piece. It’s like I am shattered, splitting into different aspects of myself and then reassembled.

The majority of the energy sensation was centered around my head this time. So this may be why I was less shaken.

Explanation

Of course, upon coming out of this strange experience, I went back to the pyramid meditation. This time there was no immediately departure but I think it is because I was looking for the experience. I did have an odd energy traveling through my body. What is interesting is that it did center around my solar plexus!

I requested an explanation but rather than a direct answer, I ended up going elsewhere again.

The memory of what occurred is mostly lost to me now. Again, it was like it was siphoned off before I had a chance to remember it in full. What I do remember is going from one “Me” to another; back and forth, back and forth. I also recall not being alone but having a man with me who was completely white. I don’t remember details of his face but I remember he had human form and facial characteristics.

The energy that went with this movement between “Me’s” is what brought me back to my body. I checked the clock and it was 10:30pm. I had expected much later as I had settled into meditation at 9:40pm. So the time from my pyramid experience to waking from the next experience was less than an hour!

When I finally came back to full, physical body awareness I remember seeing the White man. He was standing next to a smaller White person. They reminded me of statues they were so still. This visual actually shocked me enough to cause me to completely forget what immediately preceded the vision.

Mostly what I recall is the feeling of moving. It was the same strange energy of breaking apart and reassembling. What is odd is that I did not have fear and it felt like it was systematic – go to point A, then B, then C  and then repeat. Could the pyramid have caused this strange movement?

Messages

I returned to sleep but woke several times in the night, each time thinking I had slept longer than I had.

I had several messages during this time:

The number 6 repeated itself. Angel number 6 has to do with maintaining balance between spiritual and physical.

The number 114 repeated itself enough to wake me up, the number still very clear in my mind. Angel number 114 says that if one uses caution and wisdom they will be successful in business and money matters and life in general. This goes well with my thoughts from last night as I kept thinking of my business.

Dream: Slaughtered Cats

Upon waking the last time this morning, I recalled a vivid dream in which I was inside a mobile home cooking dinner. The stove wouldn’t work and the bread was stale. I was with an old man whom I was suppose to marry. He kept asking me what boy’s names I liked, as if we were going to have a baby.

I left, feeling weird about the whole thing, and as I left saw that the house was made of glass and had a specific entry and exit separated by glass.

When I went out of the home, there was a maze-like walkway with walls waist high. The first thing I saw was carnage and fur. Upon closer inspection it was massacred cats. Some were still alive but they were eating the dead cats!

I walked past the cats and went into a hallway that turned into a school. I remember meeting up with some people and telling them, “It’s safe. I made it that way” and seeing all kinds of tarps and posters up in the halls. Though I couldn’t read them, I knew they had messages or invocations that made it safe.

I’m not sure what the dream implies but it was very odd. I have never seen slaughtered cats like this. Most of them were black, too. Maybe I am overcoming some bad luck? 🙂

by

667 Days to Home

Today is my last day of work. I took a half of it off because I have days to burn. I was also hoping to get more sleep. I did, but not as much as I would have liked.

I have mixed feelings about leaving work despite knowing it is the right choice for now. I will miss some of my students and those coworkers whom I developed good working relationships with. One coworker sent me an email thanking me for helping her son and asking for me to let her know if I ever go into private practice. It is her son that I am saddest to leave. He is sad, too. He cried when I told him I was leaving. 😦

It’s wonderful to feel I have made an impact in someone’s life, even if only a small one.

Gaping Hole

I don’t know if it is just me leaving work that is causing this, but I feel a gaping hole in my life. I think it has always been there but now it seems bigger. There is nothing there. It is just empty and the emptiness of it is what bothers me the most. The bigger it gets, the more empty I feel inside.

I have tried to fill it with things – activities, movement, mental tasks – but when all is done it is still there. I go within and find it there and it is not scary but I don’t know what to do with it. Do I fill it? Do I leave it alone? What is it anyway?

My guide told me this morning, “Why don’t you just rest? It is okay to take a break”. Perhaps, but I am such a busy-body, so use to keeping myself and my mind occupied, that taking a break is not all that easy for me.

For example, I awoke at 5am this morning and immediately my mind began to fill with thoughts of things I needed to do. I even got confused on what day it was, thinking it was Friday and then Wednesday and finally getting to the fact that it is Monday. There are so many lists of things I have to do – exit paperwork for work, promoting my new business, resolving a return of a large product I ordered, a parent-teacher conference, and so on and so forth. All these things flooded my mind and I panicked when I accidentally thought it was Friday.

It’s actually kinda funny. 🙂

667 Days

Out of control thoughts, even if they appear productive, can bring a person down really fast. I reacted by begging my guides to help me return to sleep and asking when I would return Home.

Surprisingly, I got an answer the to second question immediately: 667 days. Really?

Of course, I immediately thought there is now way that could be accurate. Why would my guides reveal something like that? Maybe because they know I will forget it. I forget so easily.

667 days is just under 2 years from now. “Home” I believe is not me leaving this physical body via death. I believe it is reestablishing a connection with the part of me that is Home, is always Home. It is a feeling not a destination.

Mind-Heart Connection

It is clear to me that I have established a link between my mind and my heart. It is undeniable to me now. Every night I feel it as I relax and prepare for sleep. My third eye lights up like a beacon and my heart follows. It is like clockwork.

I feel it throughout the day, too, but mostly it is my third-eye that is blazing throughout the day. It is doing so now and any time I check for it, it is there as a reminder that I am always connected. Sometimes it blazes so intensely while I am doing mundane things that I cannot help but stop what I am doing and notice. It is like I am being asked to take notice of the moment. To not get lost in all the “things” I have to do throughout the day.

My crown chakra is also buzzing, but it is less in comparison to the huge pulling sensation in my third-eye. The energy helmet is becoming so familiar to me that it goes unnoticed until the energy in my crown reaches similar proportions to that of my third-eye.

Honestly it feels like my head is a beacon of light.

20%

In one of my intense, third-eye energy moments I got a vision along with a message. It was a timeline, or at least that is how it appeared to me. I could see that most of the line was colored in in green. It reminded me of the download screens one gets when downloading something from the internet. Towards the end of the green line there was written “20%”.

As soon as I saw it I got the message that I only have 20% left to go. I did not feel encouraged. Who knows how long it will take to download that 20%. My connection often gets interrupted. 6 minutes can take an hour.

by

Healing Spheres of Golden Light

In an attempt to get a longer, more restful sleep, I gave in and took 25mg of Benadryl last night. I slept until 7am with few wakings for a total of 10 hours of sleep!

Dreams and False Awakenings

The Benadryl gives me that heavy, full-of-sleep feeling, so although I did dream, I have few memories of dreams. The few memories I do have are riddled with false awakenings indicating that I was nearly lucid, but just not quite enough to wake up and recognize I was dreaming.

In one particular false awakening instance, I had “awakened” from a dream and rolled back over to return to sleep only to find that I was feeling a very strong energy in my root chakra and a churning desire in my second chakra. I recognized this and decided I needed to wake my husband to release some of the energy.

I got up out of bed (remember this is a dream but I think I am awake) and look for my husband. I find him sitting inside an unfamiliar car in the driver’s seat. He sees me and is surprised. I have a blanket wrapped around me and still feel very groggy. I reach over and kiss him passionately he. He is surprised and we make out for a short while. I am pleased because I feel such an overwhelming desire for him, a desire I have not felt since after the birth of our second child.

Gaining hope that perhaps we can rekindle that new love feeling, I am about to ask him to come into the house when he points ahead at a person walking along the road. He says,”I wonder why they are out so late?” He is curious and begins to drive toward the woman. This reveals an entire group of people walking along the road. A light appears which I think are car headlights. Turns out it is flashlights and the group is much larger than I thought.

My husband, being the socialite he is, questions the woman who says there is a neighborhood meeting. My husband gathers data from her to the extent that I lose interest completely in my original reason for being there. I remember thinking, “That does it for me”.

I recall following my husband as he talks and mingles with the group and we all walk outside along a dirt path that winds through woods and houses. I am flying in one of these instances and recall being just above the treetops and wanting to get out of there and explore. This is not allowed. I am to observe the scene and I do not like it.

False Awakening Two

I then “awaken” in my bed and hear water running. I wonder why it is running and not stopping so I get up to investigate and find the toilet has not shut off. I fix it and hear a noise in the kitchen.

There is a golden hue in the kitchen (all the house is unfamiliar). I go out and find my middle son is awake. I tell him to go back to bed.

It gets hazy here but I remember then being in a mall looking for my children after returning from the group of people my husband was with from the other dream. I find them wandering around and frantically gather them up to take them home. There is a man giving out wads of 100 dollar bills. I take one and do not believe it is real and throw it on the floor. On my way home I pick it up and say I will give it to my husband as he might believe the money is real.

When we get home the house is full of those people my husband was with. I tell them to leave. I did not invite them and they can’t just walk in without knocking and asking for entrance.

There is this shorter, middle aged woman who is very familiar there. She gives me a defiant look and resists my orders to leave. I see her as a threat to my marriage as she was the one leading the group and my husband tends to go along with what she asks him to do. Eventually she and the others do leave my house but my husband returns and invites them in. I feel powerless to do anything about it and feel a strange uncomfortable feeling. I do not want to feel this in my own home so I leave and stand outside looking at the front door.

Healing Spheres of Light

I awaken feeling this odd energy over my body. As I come to full awareness, I both sense and see these pulsating, golden spheres on my back and shoulder areas. They seem attached to me and I see one is placed where my shoulder and arm meet and another is six inches higher near my neck. Where they are touching me is an odd sensation, one I do not like.

Fully lucid, I want the feeling to go away. Still in the in-between, I see very clearly the golden spheres attached to grayish looking branches or vines. They are “ripe” and falling off like fruit falls off a tree. The vines seem alive, almost fleshy-like and seem to retreat somewhat when a golden sphere of fruit falls off. It is a very alien-like scene, like something from a Sci-Fi movie, and I withdraw from it, wanting it to go away as I still feel the strange feeling. It feels like I am being zapped with energy and where the energy touches me is a radiating alien energy that goes deep into my Being. I feel invaded but it does not hurt nor do I think I should be withdrawing from it. Yet a part of me does not want anything to do with these spheres.

Recognizing that something is being done to me, I wake fully and immediately question the experience. I see in front of me a hand written note on white paper. As I begin to read it I hear my guide say, “Why don’t you take this opportunity to love others?” I remember the dream and my rejection of the large group my husband so happily embraces. I want to retreat from it; to isolate myself from this “group”. The uncomfortable feeling returns and I say to my guide, “I don’t want to. Do I have to?” I hear, “No, but you will have to learn it at a later date” and I know that if I do not learn it now, that I will in another life. I cringe.

The feeling goes away but my hips feel very sensitive and I struggle to get comfortable. The feeling is not like any I have had before. It kind of feels like my legs were popped out of the hip socket and then replaced. Like I had been rearranged.

To Learn or Not to Learn, That is the Question

Fully awake, I perused my dreams, trying to remember them. What I found is that I began to re-write the dreams. For example, where I was in the car with my husband and he sees the woman, I re-wrote it by seeing instead an army in front of us who we both began to fight. There was a full on assault with guns and bombs. I came out of my reverie knowing I had re-written it and struggled to remember the original. The message was not lost on me, though.

In this life I tend to choose to avoid groups. I avoid making connections with groups. I do this to protect myself but also because groups make me uncomfortable. Last night, I stayed home with my youngest rather than go to a party with my husband. I chose this because it is outside my comfort zone. I have always been this way, mostly. Sometimes when I go to a party I am very social and open. But this is rare. I usually stand or sit far away from the crowd and rarely do I initiate a conversation.

I recognize that my real Self is very sociable. For some reason I chose to be the opposite in this life. I remember lives in which I was social and being social was easy. Not so in this life. The dreams I had last night suggest that I am to learn a lesson about sociability. It is linked to my husband and our marriage. I suspect there is a hidden “lie” that needs to be revealed but in order to do this I must step outside my comfort zone. I must challenge myself in order to “free” myself.

by

Dream: You Have Been Transferred

Things have finally started to settle down. I am getting a full 8 hours of sleep at night now and my dreams have returned. Unfortunately, I am still waking up wide awake at 5:30am.

Deceased Loved Ones in Dreams

For the last few nights I have had dreams in which I met up with deceased loved ones. I specifically recall dreams with my father and my grandmother in them. In a dream last night I saw both my grandmother and my father in the same dream but in different parts of it. I remember acknowledging my grandmother when I accidentally noticed her sitting across from me at a table. I said, “I didn’t know you were here!” but I don’t remember anything else we talked about. When I saw my father it was in a similar situation but I knew he was there and was quite comfortable with it, as if he had always been there and not died at all.

I have not seen my father in my dreams or astral in a very long time. I want to say about 10 years. My grandmother just passed away last year and so this was one of the first times I have seen her in my dreams. I have had contact with both of them via my mediumship ability while completely awake and doing other things. My grandmother in particular was quite demanding of my attention after she crossed over. My father was as well (he was my first Spirit connection), but I actually asked my father to stop coming to talk because it caused me so much emotional upset. So he chose to visit me while I was astral projecting or dreaming so that it was less emotionally upsetting.

I have a vague recollection of seeing others who have passed in my dreams lately, too. I think my husband’s boss and wife both have visited me, as well as my great uncle. I remember my great uncle gave me information about my great aunt, my grandmother’s sister passing away soon. I also got information about my own aunt, my Mom’s sister, and health issues she would have.

What is odd is that I had not memory of most of these dreams during the time period in which my sleep was interrupted by the strange vibrations and experiences, yet now they seem to be returning to me. But they are so weird! Why would all my family be visiting me now?

Dream: You Have Been Transferred

One strange dream from last night came with a message.

In the dream, I was with Tom Cruise (this is the second dream with him in it!) and he and I were dating. I remember him being very ambivalent towards me. I recognized this and so was hesitant to get close to him.

He took me to a place where I ran into my grandmother. I remember being in a room of a large building, like a mall, that had a kitchen sink and I was cleaning the dishes and talking to my grandmother about something, kind of like small talk and relationship advice.

Then Tom showed me a cell phone that had a message on it, like a fax receipt. He said, “Look! You have been transferred!” He acted like it was a big deal and showed much excitement about it. When I saw it I felt like it was not good news and was not pleased.

This message stood out to me for some reason, as did the fact that Tom Cruise was there. I don’t have any sexual attraction to the actor and don’t know why he keeps showing up in my dreams.

More Light Codes

When I awoke from this dream, I was seeing light codes. They began in the light, cascading down from above. As I awakened the light turned dark and the code became gray. It flowed down around me like a waterfall. My third eye was pulsing with energy as was the back top section of my head. I have no idea the meaning of the codes. They just looked like squiggly lines, circles, and shapes moving down around me in my vision.

Controlling My Own Energy

One last interesting change: Last night before bed while meditating and connecting with my Companion, I had an unexpected breakthrough.

My typically meditation involves me laying on my back with my eyes closed and focusing on my third eye and heart simultaneously. When I do this, my third eye lights up immediately or intensifies (it seems to be active most of the day now anyway). Then my heart will light up, as if in response to my third eye. Sometimes my second chakra will light up with energy as well. It is at this point that communication with my Team, Council and/or Companion in initiated. This has been my nightly routine for a little over 2 weeks now, maybe longer (lost track).

What is different about last night is that I began to focus on the energy and will it to build up. When I did this there was an intent to connect with my Divinity. My second chakra had been warm and tingly but when I began to focus on building the energy, there was a spreading out of warmth from my heart chakra and I could feel the energy rising up from my root to meet it. My second chakra seemed to vibrate more intensely because of this. All the while my entire head was buzzing. It felt wonderful and was beautiful. I felt my entire being vibrating with warmth and love.

I realized while this was happening that I was doing this and had always been able to do it. It was so easy to move the energy! Unfortunately, my mind began to wander and the intensity subsided.

by

Limbic System

While sitting on the sofa watching T.V. I had a sudden strange energetic sensation hit me. With the feeling came an all-over-body calm, as if I had taken pain medication and it had just taken effect.

At first I thought it was a download because it was centered around my head, but the sensation was not the same. This energy was wrapped around my head and shot down my spine, ending approximately halfway down my back between my shoulder blades. My previously sore neck was now relaxed and almost numb in comparison and my head felt expanded though it also had a strange numbness about it. The feeling reminded me of when I had a spinal block – my entire body seemed expansive and floaty.

I sat there in awe of the feeling, assuming I was receiving healing and grateful for it. I have never felt such intense energy in my head. I could specifically feel it in each of the lobes of my brain, specifically more intense in my right lobe than my left.

I enjoyed it for a while and then went back to watching my television show.

Then I was hit with an increase in intensity of the feeling and I sent out a query to my guide. “What’s going on?” I received back a feeling that all was well and to expect more of the same.

Focusing back on my show, which was a very serious (I was watching Fringe), I suddenly began to cry for no reason. There was a sudden sadness and a few tears, but they did not make sense – completely out of place.

I sent another query out, feeling a bit confused. I saw in my mind’s eye an individual standing in front of me and off to my left and felt from them that I needn’t worry.

Then I heard simply, “Limbic System“. I knew this system was related to the brain and I suspected it was linked to emotions. Sure enough, upon researching it I found that it was. Hmmm. This area of my brain has been worked on before (amygdala).

Currently

The energetic sensations are still present and I feel like I am a walking balloon-head at the moment. Thankfully, the feeling is calming and I am having fun pretending that I am merely experiencing some kind of spiritual “high” for the time being. The sensation makes me want to lay down and close my eyes and just drift off into dreamland. Of course, I can’t do that. Sigh.

I have to add that there came with this energy a strange feeling that this was E.T. related. When I asked what was going on, I sensed a being standing near me to my left. I could not see him and just assumed he was one of my guides. Yet, I connected seeing him to stories of alien abductions – I felt that what was happening to me was similar. I then immediately began to reject what was happening. I quickly calmed this part of me down, but it is still quite alarming if I think about it. This part of me feels quite violated for some reason. Why do I need to be “worked on” and to what purpose? Why is “someone” messing with my emotions like this?

It literally feels like I have been hit with some kind of energy beam from above. It is shooting into my head and down through my spine. My body is reacting to it like it would some kind of narcotic drug and my emotions are turning on for no reason.

All I can do is trust that all is okay. These sensations, these energy “bolts” from out of nowhere don’t hurt me or cause me to get worse. They seem to make me better and better and better. It really is quite surreal. Like something from a SciFi movie.

I feel like saying, “Beam me up, Scottie”.

by

Semi-Lucid Dream: Heart Expansion

I awoke around 5:30am and asked to astral project. I fell back to sleep quickly.

I gradually began to gain lucidity. I was in a shallow, rocky pool with others like myself. We were spread out and discussing the healing processes we had each been through. I felt comfortable but at the same time was not sure who these people were or where I was.

There was an older gentleman near me who I had been working closely with. He was very familiar to me. He had blonde hair, or maybe it was white, but had deep furrows in his brow and laugh lines around his eyes and mouth. I assumed him to be about 20 years older than me.

We were talking about the healing sessions but I can’t recall it in detail now. I felt drawn to the man and so moved in closer to him as we talked. There was a moment when I felt a decision was made to proceed to the next “step” in the process. I remember looking at the water and seeing that we were sitting inside a rocky, clear stream. The boulders were dark and smooth and the water shallow but deep enough to cover our legs as we sat in it. I fiddled with several red bricks that were at my feet and looked out of place. I said, “The bricks moved” as I tried to put them back in place.

The man said something to me and I turned and looked at him. His eyes were smiling even though he wasn’t. I made the “decision” then and fell into his arms. It seemed as if I melted into him and at that moment I didn’t care about my life or the consequences of this decision I made. All I knew is that I would give up everything I had to be right here, right now – forever.

As I held onto him I was approached by a little girl. She had dark, curly hair and was very timid-like. A woman was behind her and I felt she was her guide/caretaker. The little girl touched my knee and spoke to me.

“Quiero la verdad”, she said to me softly. But I heard her also say, “Tengo la verdad” at exactly the same time.

Confused, I caught only the word, “verdad” and knew immediately the translation.

“Truth”, I said aloud. “She said, ‘Truth'”.

I then looked behind her at the woman guardian and felt we needed to invite the little girl to/into us.

Heart Connection

The sensation of the connection I had just made woke me up and I lay there in total bliss as the energy of my heart chakra expanded. I felt the presence of my Companion close and knew something was up, but didn’t care. This indescribable feeling was all I cared about. I also knew the little girl who spoke Spanish was me and that she brought with her “truth”.

I tried to figure out what the feeling I felt was. I had been, still was, willing to give up everything for the feeling. It was similar to intense sexual attraction without the sexual part. It was like I had found my other half and there was no way I was about to let it go. (As I type this my heart is expanding again and the feeling makes me want to cry with joy)

My Companion said to me, “We are One”, and as I worried the feeling would leave he said, “It is always there. It will always be there”.

The feeling intensified and I caught myself holding my breath.

“It is beautiful”, I said to him. And it was/IS.

I recognized then that some of my other chakras were sporadically pulling and filling with the blissful energy as well. I felt my second chakra and my third eye the most intensely, but my root chakra also pulled. As I focused on them, I heard my Companion comment on the thoughts I had. My second chakra is nearly cleared and soon there will be a full alignment and the energy will pour in from the top and the bottom. I could only imagine how that would feel. His comment to that was, “Soon”.

I didn’t wan to move or leave. I said to him, “I don’t want this to stop – ever”.

I was instructed to relax and let go, so I did. An image then came to me of a shelf with hay, similar to the nesting boxes of chickens. I saw myself selecting eggs, but these were no ordinary eggs. They were huge, like ostrich eggs, and each was a vibrant color. I saw blue first and reached for it and held it in my hands. It was larger than my hand! I then became fully lucid and said, “They are the chakras!” as I saw a yellow one, an orange one, and a purple one. I looked for the red one and when I saw it the image vanished and I saw myself surrounded by a circle which was clear on the inside but outlined in solid red.

I woke up fully then, still feeling the amazing sensation expanding from my heart center. I rolled over and our conversation continued, but I don’t recall it all now. I was instructed to lay on my back, so I did. I also recall being told to not resume smoking (I quit my one-cigarette a night a week ago today).

The next part will be in my next entry for this one is too long already.