Tag Archives: merging

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Teaching in Astral

I awoke at 5:30am a bit irritated to be wide awake at such an early time. I tried to go back to sleep by my tummy was rumbling and my mouth was dry. So, I got up to get a snack and a drink. My husband was awake preparing for the marathon. I said hi, ate my snack and returned to bed.

Within the hour my baby started crying. I had still not gone back to sleep so it was no big deal. I got him his bottle and saw my two other children were watching t.v. downstairs and had all the lights on. It was early so that was surprising. I set up the baby with his bottle and went back to bed knowing he was ready to wake up for the day and would be fine with his siblings to play with him.

I tried to fall asleep again but a dove was cooing outside my window and would not stop. I put a pillow over my head and cursed him and considered going to another room to sleep. I actually considered just getting up since I was not tired and my lower back and pelvic area ached. I decided to do some stretches in bed to alleviate the ache. It worked and I rolled over to try to sleep.

OBE #1: Conversation with Husband

I found myself in a semi-lucid dream reaching to my right and touching my husband as he lay next to me. I could feel his body, it was warm and solid. He moved and I said something to him and he responded but I don’t know what I said. What I do remember is thinking, “He’s not home right now. This must be a dream!”

This thought woke me up and I opened my eyes, blinked and thought, “I want to astral”. I rolled over and felt the familiar heavy sensation that comes with sleep followed by subtle vibrations that rolled up and down my body comfortingly. I must have fallen asleep quickly because the next thing I did was reach over to see if my husband was there. He was. He was very real and solid again and I thought, “I am dreaming. I can exit now”.

With the thought I felt the vibrations again. I rolled in the direction of my husband’s body and felt myself separate from my physical body. I immediately bobbed up over the bed and my astral vision came on clear. The room was bright and I could clearly seeing my husband’s completely naked body curled up on the bed facing where I had been. I was not there, though.

Knowing that my husband was running the marathon, I reminded myself that this was likely not him but probably one of his counterparts. I did not even consider that he was completely made up (which I am glad of). I hovered there looking at him for a while, happy that my vision was clear and I was not in a dark, gloomy environment. I then moved closer to him and touched him on the leg. He turned towards me and smiled and we talked. I asked him how his run was going and he said, “Difficult. I just got done getting around all the groups of people”. I recognized this as I had run the half marathon with him in 2011 and the beginning is like trying to push your way through a crowd until you get to mile 5 and then it thins out.

He sent me a feeling of love and reached for me and I let him. I could feel him and knew, even though it wasn’t really him, that I was communicating with him on another level and that pleased me.

My vision blacked out and I felt the familiar vibrations return and immediately thought, “I want to go back”.

OBE #2: Neighbor’s Visit

I again felt the vibrations and reached over and felt my husband lying next to me. I rolled out and up without effort and the room was dark this time. I had heard a baby crying and so looked to find my baby in the room as well. I looked for him, worried when I couldn’t find him, but then found him sleeping in a mound of blankets. I let him sleep and ventured toward the door.

I got to the door and recall mentally checking to see if this would be “okay”. I felt it was and so continued but my body felt a bit heavy. I said, “More energy” and I immediately felt lighter. I walked out the door of the room and recognized my house. I decided to go down the stairs and into the living area. It was not lit up like I expected but it was golden colored.

At this time I heard the sound of someone coming into the house and then talking to my kids. I went to investigate and saw a middle aged woman with thin, blond, short hair that came to her chin. I asked her, “Why are you in my house? What are you doing here?” She seemed completely comfortable with being there and oblivious to her intrusion. She said, “I wanted to talk to you about a problem with the fences. Our group has been working to repair all the fences in the neighborhood. They are falling down. Like yours”. She pointed to our fence in the backyard. We were standing in the kitchen area looking out, the room was well illuminated and I was looking at her closely to try and figure out who the heck she was.

Realizing she was likely dreaming and really not too interested in her, I went along with her conversation. I asked, “When are you planning to do this?” She said, “2053”. I thought that sounded weird and for a moment thought she must have said 1953 but then changed my mind.

I said, “Hmmm, that seems like way too long to me. If you were going to do it in 2015 then that would make more sense”.

I was standing at our french doors looking out at the back yard and wanting to go out when I said this. The doors swung open gently and I could feel the night breeze on my face. I also could see the night sky dotted with stars and felt a call to go out. I turned around, instantly knowing the woman would no longer be there. Sure enough, she was gone, the chair she had been sitting in was empty.

I walked outside, sending a silent query about if it was okay. I felt it was, so I walked into the yard and could feel the green grass on my bare feet. I could also see the trees and the night sky behind them and feel the cool breeze on my face. I thought, “This is beautiful” and stood there enjoying it.

I began to focus on the stars and saw they came all the way down to meet the horizon. I felt drawn to them and allowed myself to be pulled up, but not too much. I remembered how if I thought, “Up” I would sometimes go too fast. So I thought, “Only halfway”. I stopped above the trees and before I had a chance to do anything else, my vision began to black out. I knew instantly that I was suppose to go up and not stop.

I settled back over my physical body.

astral1OBE #3: Teaching Others to Fly

I thought, “Just one more time, okay?” Then, I felt the vibrations, though subtle, and rolled out of my body again. I looked for my husband but he was not there.

I decided to go downstairs and look around. My vision was not as clear – the room was darker. As I moved toward the bedroom door I could feel my energy decrease and I said, “More energy”. When I did, I felt a surge of energy and my vision cleared, but the room was still darker than before.

I got to the stairs and started to go down but decided I wanted to fly down but felt heavy. I again said, “More energy” and felt myself lift up easily. I floated downstairs, expecting to see the bright lights and my kids watching t.v. Instead, it was dark like the rest of the house. I heard voices in the kitchen area and so went that way. I immediately saw my children with two other, smaller children. They were playing together.

A little Hispanic girl with long, dark brown hair was looking at me. I greeted her and the others and took the little girl by the hand. I lifted her up with me and he face showed a look of shock. I said to her, “It’s okay. You can fly. See? There’s nothing to be afraid of. I can help you”. She smiled when she saw she was flying and I took her up with me toward the ceiling. She laughed and I let go of her hand. She went back down quickly and I hovered up near the ceiling. I felt myself falling, too, and my vision nearly blackout and I said, “More energy”. I immediately got my vision back and was able to stay in the air.

I landed and saw that a woman was with the kids. She kicked one of them, the young boy who looked to be the Hispanic girl’s brother. I went to investigate and saw a tall, middle aged, slightly obese woman with short, dark brown hair. She was wearing a blue sweater and jeans. I went up to her and looked up at her (she was taller than me). I said to her, “Did you kick him? Please don’t kick the children”.

I then saw her face very clearly and she looked to be depressed and somewhat out of it (dazed and probably not knowing where she was or what she was doing). I didn’t recognize her but she seemed harmless enough. I asked her, “Are you okay?” She said, “No, I’m not”.

I took her by the hand and lifted her up with me saying, “I can show you how to fly”. I pulled her up but felt resistance. She was heavy and cumbersome to lift. My vision threatened to go again and I said, “More energy”. When I said this, not only did my vision stay but the woman got lighter and we both lifted up easily into the air. I told her, “You can fly here and it will make you feel better. You can come back and fly alone or I can fly with you”.

I let go of her and she fell backward and landed on the wood floor with a thump. I was initially concerned but then I heard her laugh hysterically and I smiled. I went over and pulled on her to help her lift up and she then tried to stay up. She was wobbly but eventually hovered in a sitting position, still laughing.

My vision began to fade out and I knew it was time to return to my body.

Body’s Reaction

When I returned to my body the energy of my two bodies was not coming together smoothly. I don’t know how I knew this but I did. What is odd is it felt like it does most of the time but this time I just knew it was not right.

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and knew this was part of the problem. My physical body was stressed and I mentally said, “Gently” as if saying it would help the two bodies merge better. But the energy felt off, like rocky and unstable. It was almost like my physical body was rejecting my energy body.

Realizing this strange feeling was not going to stop, I focused on moving my body to force the merging of the energy. I tried to move my hand and open my eyes. My hand moved but my astral eyes opened instead of my physical eyes and I saw the grays and blacks of the etheric. I was still not merged completely.

I focused more on my hand and then my arm, moving them both and finally feeling IN my body. I rolled over and opened my eyes. My heart stopped pounding and I felt normal.

Factors Influencing Projection

Lucidity scale: 8

Intent stated?: Yes

Time to bed: 10pm

Time to wake: 5:30am

Meditation?: No

Physical Exercise?: Yes

Mood: normal

Body: Lower back and pelvic area aching

Tiredness: Low

Number of wakings: 1

Technique?: No

Sleeping position:Left side

Supplements: Multivitamin, Natural Calm 400mg, Sleepy Time Extra Tea, Biotin 1000mg, Vitamin E 400mg, Evening Primrose Oil 1300mg

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Merging Unveiled

A while ago now, my guide told me that he and I were in the process of “merging”. I never quite understood everything about merging, but I did recognize that it meant that he would no longer be viewed by me as separate from me. For some reason, the idea of merging was scary to me, especially the thought of losing my companion traveler who has always been by my side in this life.

Recently the subject of merging was brought up in my astral projectors FB group by a friend, Jurgen Ziewe, who is a well-known author of books on astral projection and higher consciousness. He is in the process of writing a book about his personal experience of merging with his Higher Self who he calls his “silent companion”. The discussion question that was asked was about spirit guides. Several individuals wanted more information on spirit guides. I responded by saying, “[My guide] is the quiet inner voice that answers questions I pose to myself both during OBE and out. I found mine through meditation.”

This response was that I was actually describing my Higher Self. To that I replied:

That is what a spirit guide is, at least in my understanding. My primary guide tells me often “I am You” and after this experience I asked what the energy I felt was when I hugged him and he said, “It was You”. I have other guides who he refers to as Assistants. I do not really concern myself with them, though I see them in my dreams as well, especially a female one with an M name. Some say we have a separate guide and I am bit confused as to if this is true since I am regularly told we are all One and separateness is an illusion. I suppose then that the name “guide” is confusing because of this illusion of separateness. From the way my guide feels, he has been with me always and always will be. He is an aspect of myself who Remembers all that Is while I am the aspect that has chosen to Forget. I wish I could remember the story he told me about those who Remember and those who Forget, but it makes so much sense and explains the separateness that we on Earth have chosen for ourselves.

That is when I got the great explanation about merging and what it means from Jurgen:

Yes Dayna, the “guide” feels like a separate presence and it is easy to consider it as such and of course there are no guarantees that they are not separate, which can make it all a bit more complicated. The golden man in your experience could be a manifestation, but If there are guides we perceive as separate and they actually are separate they only serve one purpose, to connect you ultimately to your higher self. I always referred to this awareness of “not being alone”, of this presence in my life, as my “Silent Companion”.

I had a guide before I became aware of this permanent presence in my life. I first came into contact with him, whom I regarded as “my teacher” during an OBE. He was most definitely a separate entity, with his own history, raucous character, attitude, a chap I recognized as a very old friend. He poked fun at me and played games, but always with a lesson attached. He then came to me regularly for several months and put me through a training program, which allowed me later to enter much higher dimensional levels.

That was before my so called “silent companion” showed up, when this happened he no longer featured. Though on occasion other people showed up during OBEs, who took me to places and showed me various things. One of them identified himself as Phil, with a completely different personality to the first guy. He too disappeared, but during the waking hours and the day it was always my silent companion which was the more constant aspect in my life and finally, over a year ago I clearly got to know it. There was no longer any doubt what this aspect was as I merged fully into it, my higher self.

So I still think there are different awarenesses we can be linked to, some are friends, helpers, guides, but I think they respectfully step aside when our awareness of who we are, rises to the fore and we have a direct link to the higher self, the “knower”. You become more confident in that knowledge, but also more humble as your old identifications are gradually pushed to one side. The purpose of the silent companion is union, which is when we merge fully with our higher self.

When this process has finally tipped the balance in favour of our higher self our awareness turns into an awareness of “the stillness of the present moment”, constantly, day and night, unmistakably, unshakable, always, permanently, moment by moment, without break and no knowledge or any clue even of how we could possibly get back to our old separateness. We don’t even remember any more, what it was like as our old self, because it was such a flimsy artifice. Life then changes for good, without return.

I captured it here in the twelve points I noted down, how life is transformed when we merge with our silent companion, which turns into the stillness: The Higher Consciousness.

I am still absorbing and digesting the validation and information I received from this FB conversation. As you all know, I do not often go out in search of books or articles that relate to my experiences. I rarely feel drawn to do this and when I have questioned myself about these tendencies the answers I receive indicate that there is no need for that which is already understood and accepted from the Self. When I have sought after validation through outside sources (outside myself that is) I have found my confidence in myself becomes muddled with questions and self-doubt which only serves to slow down my own spiritual progress. However, such as is this circumstance, lately my answers come to me from without and often do so in larges chunks such as is this case.

It is obvious to me now that merging is part of the process of awakening; IS the awakening. I have noticed that my guide (higher self) is much closer and more ever-present than the previous 7 years. I also recognize that the message I received back in June of this year about my upcoming “death” was in fact not a physical death but a death of the me that I have been throughout this life. I suspected this.

Jurgen describes this “death” of transformation perfectly:

It was as if a cage of frosted glass, which had obscured my vision for so long, had been shattered into billions of tiny pieces and there was simply no longer a way of putting them back together again to form the old frosted cage. Whereas in the past I would take glimpses into higher states of awareness, spontaneously or through meditation, I was inevitably posted back into my old mundane self, striving to find my way back into the clear light of reality which was unimpeded by viewpoints, judgements or personal issues. Now it felt as if the bridges back had been incinerated and for the time being at least I appeared to be permanently located on a new viewing platform with no roadmap back to my old self and any interest whatsoever in returning to my old ways had simply dissipated.

I was given a time period of four years from this past June until the time of “death”. It seems a long time but to be told that it is coming is a gift. My guide spoke to me last night as has been the usual in the evenings since the birth of my son. He reassured me that the coming changes are good and to be patient with myself as I struggle through some of the difficulties of accepting myself back into myself. I asked how to invite him in, and he told me, “It is not something that can be explained in words but something that must be experienced to understand”. Yet I saw in my mind a visual of opening my heart and accepting myself without fear or judgment. With this vision I recognized how much I fear what I will find when I open up to all that I am, have been and will be. To do so without judgment is perhaps the most difficult task of them all because it comes with the human tendency to label ourselves and our choices as “good” or “bad”. For so long it has been whispered to me when I criticize myself for a “wrong” decision, “There are no mistakes, only choices”. How does one step back and view life without labels? How does one ignore the illusions and accept what is before them as it IS with love and acceptance? I shudder to think of the lives I have lived (that I remember) where I have been so horrible that the mere memory of it causes me to withdraw and contract from myself. I can’t do this if I want to reunite with myself. What a huge feat it seems yet my guide reassures me that it is achievable.

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Evidence of Integration

I had an interesting day last night that culminated in yet another unplanned OBE this morning.

Bus Wreck

Last Friday night, as I sat outside listening to the far off sounds of a marching band playing in some football stadium, I suddenly was hit with knowingness. There would be a bus accident. I immediately thought it was sad and worried about the kids on the bus but was told not to worry. So I let it go and forgot about it.

Yesterday morning, while perusing the morning headlines, I saw a headline that made my heart sink. Texas college grieves after 4 killed in bus crash. I read the article and remembered my premonition. It came out of the blue and there was no reasoning behind it. I couldn’t do anything to stop it. Yet I got the information anyway. That’s why I hate premonitions.

Avoided Accident

It is as if the news of the bus wreck was meant to remind me that I could pick up on future events. That afternoon, while returning from work, the minute I got on the freeway I got an nagging feeling. I ignored it because I was feeling very at easy and happy, which is not a norm for me, so I was enjoying it and didn’t want to ruin it by worrying over a “nagging feeling”. Yet every time I would settle into my happy mood and look at the clouds and beautiful sky I would get a thought that said, “Focus”. And I would hear it and think, “I really should pay attention”. The thought kept returning along with the nagging feeling and I thought to myself, “Any moment there could be an accident. But I shouldn’t worry about ‘what if’s’, they only make me anxious”.

I was almost home and the nagging feeling was gone when it happened. I was merging right to exit when the car in front of me suddenly swerved and put on their brakes. I saw some bits of tire on the road and decided not to merge and stayed in my lane only to be confronted a split second later by a huge piece of tire that was big enough to cause an accident. I put on my breaks and swerved a bit into the lane to my left. I watched as the driver behind me also reacted and almost hit a cement truck. I then saw the truck drive swerve into the fast lane. Thankfully, no one was in his path. As I finally began to merge, the truck drive drove past and look at me. We stared at each other and I thought to him, “Glad you are okay”. He drove on.

Then the adrenaline hit me. I exited the highway and suddenly knew that all the signs had been there. And I had listened. My heart was pounding and my arms weak. I had been ready and everyone involved was okay. And it suddenly occurred to me that had I chosen to go ahead and merge that the driver behind me would have not reacted well to the huge piece of tire. He would have swerved to wide and hit the cement truck. And I realized it was not me the feeling was meant to help. It was them.

Dream

I found myself in a dream. I was not fully aware and just followed along, In the dream I was at a gathering. We were in family groups and I was with my husband sitting at a rectangular table. Our children were not there. My husband had to sit near the aisle and I sat in the center. My mother and her husband were above and behind us. Her husband also sat near the aisle.

Then I found myself with my old high school best friend at the bottom of the auditorium where I had previously been with my husband. I greeted her and she seemed down. There was another girl with her. We all talked, catching up on old times. My friend mentioned that she had an issue with hormonal acne. I asked her if she had been to a dermatologist and she looked horrified. She then got very emotional but did not cry and the other girl seemed concerned. They both stopped talking and acted like they wanted to get away from me. They made excuses and began to walk away together. The other girl kept looking behind at me and I felt very uncomfortable, wondering what I had done wrong. I chased after them asking them why they were leaving and what I had done wrong. The girl yelled back that they didn’t want me to come with them. So I stayed back and felt horrible and rejected.

The feelings were intense enough to wake me up.

Wide awake I immediately was reminded of all the times in my life when similar things had happened. I began to beat myself up, telling myself, “I am not good at being a friend” and “No one likes me” and “It is better if I just don’t try to be friends”. There were other thoughts as well and they eventually made me cry, though not huge amounts. I have lived with these feelings my whole life and I wondered, “Why? Why does this keep coming up? Why won’t it go away? What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I be a good friend? What is wrong with me?”

I couldn’t sleep and the feeling was lingering. Yet I had this distinct calm wash over me along with the feeling that I needed to examine the scene in the dream. What happened?

As soon as I started looking at what I did rather than what they did, I saw what the problem was. I hadn’t been listening. I had missed something. Some nonverbal cue. And it had been my downfall. I broke communication with my friend. I was no longer sharing her reality. And because of that she was hurt and thus, wanted to get away from me and avoid it happening again.

Relief followed this realization and then I began to remember similar times in my past when this happened. They piled on top of one another and they were all the same. All this time I had thought they were mean. They were the ones who had been out to hurt me. It was their fault, not mine. And I understood. I was not a good listener. I was not caring about them. It was all me, me, me. I lost a best friend for that and I have few friends now because of that.

Yet I also realized everyone else is the same. They are like me. They want to be heard. They want to be listened to. They will seek out those who listen. Who will hear. I have stopped trying to seek out someone who will listen. I have been hurt too many times and it isn’t worth it. But maybe, just maybe, I have been wrong this whole time and if I just listened to others without any expectations for myself things would be different.

All these thoughts kept me awake from 4am to around 5:30am. I had given up on returning to sleep.

graycat_chairOBEs

Then I was dreaming again. I was at a house this time. The owners were moving out and me and my mother and some other family I did not recognize were watching them. They were unable to take everything with them and they were leaving behind their three dogs. I lingered, watching them. They gave us permission to take what they left so I went inside while my mom waited in the car outside. I remember seeing the dogs, two of them huge Basset Hounds with long hair and one a small Beagle. They were running into the road and I had concern they would be hit.

I spent a while inside the house collecting mostly toys my kids would like. Their garage was full of them. I then wandered into the back yard but it started to get dark and my mom was yelling at me to hurry. I then saw a light shine through a window and went back inside, roaming through the kitchen and then making my way back into the yard. When I looked up, though, there was a ceiling and I was confused for a moment. That particular room was run down and dirty.

It was at this point that I suddenly gained awareness and the entire scene vanished. I was no longer in that dark house but in a newer one with brand new wood floors and nice furnishings. I was instantly happier and lighter and crawled along the wood floors like an infant. I was very aware of being naked and thinking about how I must look to someone, concerned about the way my breasts must have looked but not so much to worry about it.

As soon as I stopped caring about how I looked I felt myself lift up and I stretched out my astral body and willed myself up into the air. I was a bit unsteady at first but soon was hovering over the floor and then flying towards the door. The room instantly got brighter and I could see the furniture of the living area in front of me.

But I lost energy and the room instantly darkened. I was then hovering near my body and disappointed to have left. I willed myself back and there I was again, in the house. This time, however, I was standing in the kitchen, There was a yellow hue around everything and the floors were very shiny. I looked around and took in the scene. It was bright and I did not have any issue with seeing. I was glad for this. I had worried something was wrong with me in my last OBE since I couldn’t see well.

Then I heard a scratching coming from a door in the kitchen. I went over to it, looking closely at the white shutters that covered the bottom of the door. Since I could see outside I pulled back two slats of the shutters to look out. I could see a small shadow outside. I yelled at the animal, “You can’t come in!” and left the door as it was but the two slats fell off, broken. I knew the animal was a gray cat and I didn’t want him inside. I don’t like cats.

I then lost vision and I returned to my body. I stayed in the in-between state for some time, trying to decide if I would go back. The energy buzzed around me and felt comforting. I could feel that it was more intense around my heart chakra. I allowed the hypnagogic images to come in and watched them for a while. I almost went into one but my curiosity caused the image to suddenly fade. I eventually gave up and opened my eyes.

Evidence of Integration

I was told a while back to expect changes resulting from merging with my Higher Self. I was not given much information as to what that meant but had faith that it was a good thing. Since then I have experienced some subtle changes that I believe are a result of this merging process, also known as integration.

Of course there are my OBEs. They started back up at the beginning of the merging and have since continued, becoming more frequent and interesting. I suspected my OBEs from yesterday were an attempted soul retrieval which was later confirmed by some avid astral travelers I communicate with. This is a big changed from my previous astral experiences and I can’t help but wonder if perhaps I am going to have more similar experiences.

Then there is the change in how I perceive things. My guides still communicate with me, but during the day their messages are more blended with my own thoughts – almost imperceptible. I often miss their messages because of this but eventually they get through to me, one way or the other. The best example of this was the message to integrate yoga into my life.

Then there is the overall different feeling I have. It is hard to explain but I feel more whole than I did a couple of years ago. I am more certain and less likely to accept things in my life that I do not want. Yes I have been depressed more often but I think that is part of the process. I am healing and purging some repressed emotions which opens chakras and creates all sorts of symptoms (kundalini symptoms) that can be quite bothersome.

I don’t know how much longer this will all take but I am getting a glimpse of what I will be like in the end and I am liking it.