Tag Archives: Messages

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Clearing a New Path

Another quick update on the goings-on in my life.

My husband just left for the next four days. His trip to Florida has been delayed by a month, though, so he will be here in July. I should be happy, but I’m not.

Many small, mostly insignificant life problems popping up. Mostly they have to do with my family and marriage. Finance is a big one but there are also incompatible viewpoints that continue to be made very obvious through life situations/decisions.

The more that happens, the more I am seeing in front of me the inevitable decision that must be made. The fork in the road is obvious. One fork has a sign that says 3D. The other has a sign that says 5D. The contrast is so apparent and the feelings associated with the upcoming decision that it makes me almost sick to think of having to make the decision.

When I shift into the 3D frame of mind I am devastated by what lies in front of me. I feel immediately dead inside. Sometimes I even feel sick to my stomach.”Reality” from this viewpoint is very depressing and my heart is not in it at all. I can see quite a distance in front of me and it is smooth sailing for the most part.

When I shift into the 5D frame of heart (hehe) there is hope; a revival of Self. I feel a warmth in my chest. Yet I cannot see very far in front of me. The path turns and is lost after only a few hundred yards.

For the past 10 months or so we forerunners have been traversing both worlds simultaneously. This has been very difficult because the two realities are so very different in so many ways. But we weren’t ready. Some of us still aren’t. I wonder if I am ready yet because I feel so very afraid of making the choice. Yet the longer I hesitate, the more dissonance there is between the two.

Lately I have been shifting back into denial mode. None of this is real. I am just being strung along by my guides. I will never be happy regardless of what path I choose. And so on and so forth. My guidance goes completely silent when I enter this mode. When I begin to pull myself out of it, they return, arms folded across their chests and say, “Are you done now?” LOL

Their message today was this: “Trust yourSelf. Trust your heart. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are clearing a new path. It won’t be easy.”  And at this point I saw very clear in my mind the word, “Forerunner.”

No, it’s not easy. I need a weedwacker or maybe a machete to clear the path ahead.

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8 Months

I overslept this morning and my daughter almost missed the bus. When I woke up I heard the bus beeping which means the driver was waiting for her. My husband had been awake and never woke her up or prepared her. She flew out of bed and onto the bus unprepared. I made him take her what she forgot but I really wish I could rely on my husband for something so simple. I needed the extra sleep!

My tiredness is just increasing. I suppose the major geomagnetic storm a couple of days ago is the culprit. During the day the constant message/knowingness I am getting is to focus on life and get my shit together. For what? I have no clue, but apparently I need to do some things.

There was a message not long ago about integrating. It came to me quite suddenly and makes sense. The living between two worlds sensation that I have been experiencing since 2003 has long become my normal but I have always felt a distinct difference between the two worlds I have lived in. Now it seems that that distinction is fading. The two worlds seem more and more blended. My waking life is an active integration of the two. No longer are my spiritual experiences distinctly separate from my mundane experiences. The two are becoming one and the same.

There is a part of me that desires for the separation to remain. There is a sadness that this time is coming to an end. Yet I know that this integration of the two worlds within me is meant to be an example for others because eventually this will be everyone’s experience.

I hate to tell you this (those who are just beginning this journey or those who have not yet taken that first step) but the integration, the embodiment, is not looking to be some grand enlightenment or explosion of knowingness. From the way I am seeing it now, it just seems normal. Yes, I have had some grand experiences, some intense moments of knowingness, some enlightened periods where I feel the Oneness and vastness that is Me/We. But like all things experienced multiple times from within this human form, I have become normalized to the experience. It just IS.

I’m not saying all the work has not been worth it. Nor am I saying that I am done. We are never truly “done” anyway. What I am saying is that life keeps on and so do we regardless of the spiritual experiences and advances we have made. Life in itself IS a spiritual experience within the limits of the physical.

That vision I had of myself in 2003, of walking between worlds – on one side the physical/mundane/3D reality and on the other side life in Spirit/4D/5d and beyond – those two worlds are merging. Within US. Every day my life reveals to me how those two worlds are being experienced as One and the same. It can be amazingly beautiful but at the same time very intensely harsh and eye-opening. The days of retreating into my spiritual haven are gone. My haven is everywhere and in everything now. My spiritual experiences are now mixed into my waking life and my waking life is now mixed into the spiritual.

My mind is undergoing a major change in and of itself. This is where the blending of the two worlds is most noticeable. I have memories surface in my waking hours that are not from this timeline. This is now normal to me and I just let it flow. For example, I had a memory of a woman that I met and knew to avoid her, yet I had never met her in this timeline and as soon as I realized that, the memory of her vanished and could not be contacted. I will also catch myself having conversations throughout my day about things unrelated to my current life but very obviously related to another life in some other timeline. Sometimes they are conversations with my guides and other times they are full interactions with individuals not related to my guidance. This is my experience of the merging of the two worlds. This will also be everyone’s experience in some shape or form eventually.

Incidences such as these will just increase. Thankfully I am not confused by them as I have learned to navigate my mind and these timelines as if they are in this one. It does intrigue me when I become suddenly aware of these different lives/timelines and I use to try to seek out more information. I have learned this is pointless as my focus needs to be here, in this moment. Besides, I can choose to put my attention wherever I want whenever I want.

The challenge for me is to change my way of thinking of these two worlds. Well right there – TWO – hahaha! That is false in itself and I need to change my thinking right there. In considering the two as separate I constantly desire to be on the other side. This side I relate to as the world of Spirit, the Divine, the inexpiable, the limitless, the infinite and eternal. This side I relate to all that I feel I am not or am not able to be/achieve within this reality. My heart knows this separateness is false. My mind still needs to adjust. Majorly. lol

So now I understand what is to occur in the next 8 months. My mind needs to catch up to my heart. The integration period needs extending. My poor mind is still stuck in duality. Even as my experiences show me daily that this is false, my mind habitually shifts into rationalizing every experiences to match the reality it wishes to create. The movie screens of the mind and the heart need to be synced. The two must project the same image.

 

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Dream: Heart Maze

I went to bed with questions, lots of them. One in particular was about the coming ReUnion phase.

Dream: Heart Maze

I was having a discussion with someone I know from the internet. I could hear her very clearly and she had a distinct accent. I am not sure what kind of accent it was, but I remember seeing her screen name flash in front of me several times. She was addressing my fears about the ReUnion phase and what it would mean for me.

There is much missing from the dream now because it was the first dream of the evening and I awoke right after. I thought about writing it down but was too tired and so set the intention to remember it. I should have written it down.

In the discussion I do recall that she directly answered my question about whether the phase meant I would meet more individuals with whom I had a strong heart connection. I don’t feel I can handle anymore such connections and so was worried more were coming. She said right out, “It is inevitable.” hahaha

She then showed me why it was inevitable. There is little memory of her words now, but the images are quite vivid. I saw the human heart up close. Inside of it was a maze. It looked like one of those maze games inside of a small plastic container. The object of those games it to get a tiny silver ball through the entire maze just by moving the container.

I saw the “heart maze” and inside was the tiny ball. The woman explained that the paths of this maze were not clear. Sometimes I would come up against resistance. I saw then a blockage in the maze that looked like a small piece of debris. The silver ball could not pass through. She explained these were emotions and that in order to remove the blockages I must allow the emotions to flow. It was stressed that too much focus on the emotional debris would keep it in place.

I remember she told me that these connections were a blessing and to welcome them with open arms. She was very encouraging and positive. The overall feeling was that these connections were mutually agreed-upon and spiritually supportive. A blessing and a gift.

I wish now I could remember everything she said, but the feeling when I awoke was that the heart connections were meant to help clear these blockages. The connections blow through several blockages and clear more of the path than if they do not occur. I remember making a mental connection with the video game Pac-Man. The connections give me super powers to blast through the blockages. lol

I awoke feeling very grateful to my friend for helping me with this understanding. However, I am still not looking forward to the ReUnion phase. I think I prefer clearing out my blockages one at a time to gaining superpowers from a partnership. lol

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OBE: Human DNA

I awoke at 5:30am wide awake and determined to fix my life. lol I got up and got a drink of water to try and calm down because even though I was prepared to do some drastic things at that very moment, I knew better than to do anything when in such a state.

I returned to bed at 5:55am and tried to meditate. It didn’t work too well at first but slowly the irritation melted away. The last thing I remember is hearing the tiny footsteps of one of my children as they went downstairs. I remember thinking, “That’s it. I’m going to have to get up soon.” Then I remembered it was Sunday and realized I didn’t have to get up. So I rolled over onto my left side to sleep.

Lucid to OBE: The Plan

I found myself in a dark room along with two others both of them men I think. I couldn’t see well but the energy was good and so I assumed the lights were just off. One man in particular was very close to me. I could feel his arm next to mine. This brought on full lucidty and I knew I was OOB. I looked at my hands and said, “Clarity now” and could feel and see everything stabilize. Still feeling the man so close to me I began to immediately want one thing: sex. LOL

I kept trying to get the man interested in me but he was talking strangely. Talking about a “plan” that needed to be worked on and asking the other guy if he had gotten the information. The whole conversation reminded me of a James Bond movie or “Black Ops” type stuff. I was not in the least interested in what they were saying, though.

The man I was interested in kept walking away from me as he was talking. I was aware of a door and heard someone enter and them whispering. Still not caring, I got the attention of the guy and tried to kiss him and he sent me a message telepathically that this was not what we were suppose to be doing. lolol Looking back on this now I am sure I was in my child personality – all bubbly and high energy and a bit sporadic. I definitely don’t listen well when I am “the child”.

At some point I lost connection and shifted into my body. I could feel the energy still prime to go back out, so I did.

OBE: Human DNA

Back in the scene again, I immediately went back to trying to get the guy interested in me. The conversation continued about this “plan” but I was oblivious. Instead, I wanted to play.

Looking up I noticed a staircase and grabbed onto the railing. I swung up and around it and then landed right on top of the man. I still can’t see him but this time he allows me to embrace him and kiss him, but something is weird about it. I did’t physically feel him but instead it felt like a blob of plastic. And it is like I am kissing air. Undeterred I hear him say something like, “There, I’m done.” I say back to him, “I want to see you.” I strain my eyes through the darkness to try and see him. I see an outline and move closer and then he ducks out of the way. He does this several times until I grab onto him and push him down onto the floor.

Finally thinking I will be able to see this mystery man, I look down at the person whose shoulders I have my hands on. My vision suddenly brightens up, like someone turned on the lights. In front of me is not a man at all but a small girl with long, blonde hair. When I see her I let her get up and she looks at me a bit stunned. I’m stunned briefly but then see a flash of color through the windows. “Fireworks!” I yell to the girl. She looks confused. I say to her, “Come on! Let’s go see!” I grab her hand and she resists, pulling back, but I am bigger and stronger and just drag her along behind me.

I go right through the door – no resistance. It is like it just disappears. The girl is right behind me but I don’t feel like I am dragging her anymore.

We fly out into the road and I can see the bright reds, blues and whites of what I assume is fireworks. At the same time, a small child comes running toward us. He is all alone and couldn’t be more than 3 or 4 years old. I say aloud, “There’s a kid coming.” I heard a boy’s voice respond but I never see who it comes from.

I turn to see who is speaking to me but my attention is drawn to my own house. It is bigger than life and so grand looking, the white bricks gleaming. It resembles a mansion. I also notice that we are standing lower than we should be. There is a small, stone stair that leads up to the house. Being this stair is not there in real life, I take note of it wondering briefly where I am.

I still see fireworks and hear booming but am confused because no fireworks I’ve ever seen looked this way. I say aloud, “I wonder what it is?” and send a mental thought wondering why the colors were not streaming down like fireworks do. And hear a male voice say, “It’s human DNA.” And I think, “Of course.”

I grab the little girl’s hand and we fly toward the noise and lights. We are stopped suddenly by a black military Hummer. Men in black and gray military garb wearing black hats and carrying radios hang out the windows and glare at us. This is when I begin to think the fireworks are not fireworks but flares and the booms are guns.

Curious and with absolutely no fear, I float down the street and see tall apartment buildings to my left. I hear yelling. I stop and look up and on a balcony above there are several men in black with guns. They are pointing their guns at civilians who are wearing their night clothes and very obviously afraid. I hear a gun go off and one of the men in black yells. I see a woman, obviously terrified, follow orders and stand where she is told. There is a line of scared civilians behind her. I know a man had just been killed and shudder a bit from the knowledge of this.

We continue down the street which has now morphed into some unfamiliar city. It reminds me of the UK but I have not been to many European cities so it could have been anywhere. The reason it reminded me of the UK is that there were shops on the lower levels of the buildings and above them were apartments where people lived. The buildings were very close together. Quite cramped for space. This is what I saw when I visited London.

I saw on the streets two men standing and watching the commotion on the balcony above. They look foreign but their skin tone is white and both look to be in their 50’s. One was smoking a cigarette. I asked them if they were going to do anything. The man with the cigarette said something like, “We don’t get involved” and they both shrugged their shoulders. Both were wearing a red cloth armband and their clothing reminded me of clothing a rebel or militia member would wear. The color was mostly green but it was not a uniform. It was familiar to me but now I cannot place it.

There was a realization at this time that pulled me back into my body. My last thought was, “Too many of us are bystanders.” And I felt so sad about how few of us were trying to help. It was like the entire OBE was a lesson on the state of the world and why it was the way it was. Too many bystanders.

Message

Back in my body I sensed my guides near and said, “I want to go back.” I knew my energy was not right but despite that I still tried to return. Instead I ended up in the in-between with several guides around me. It was like the first OBE – the scene was dark and I could not see anyone’s face.

I could sense the presence of both male and female energy. Still trying to will myself back into the scene, I kept trying to catch the right wave of vibrations to exit. When it became clear that I was not suppose to leave, I settled down.

Then I heard a male voice say, “You have six keys left.” In front of me I saw an illuminated golden key ring and six small, golden keys dangling from it. Before I had a chance to think about it I heard a woman’s voice say, “We’ve been trying to tell you. You can’t act prematurely. There’s still six left to go.”

There was more said without words. I knew these were the ones helping me, who have been helping me for a while now. There was a sense that I was not being very cooperative and this was their attempt to get me to listen. The message was clear, “Now was not the time to take action. These feelings will pass.”

Edit: I took 100mg B6 prior to bed. I’m starting to think B6 is my ticket to OBE. lol

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Waterfall

From the minute I woke up this morning until just a few moments ago, reminders of the waterfall in my most recent dream have been everywhere.

When I went down for breakfast this morning, this was on the counter:

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Drawing of Angel Falls by my daughter, Adrian.

I had not seen the drawing before this morning, but I knew immediately what it was and my dream came straight into my mind.

Shrugging it off, I went about my day only to see an article in my news feed with this picture attached:

waterfall2

So now I am taking notice. What did I miss about the waterfall in my dream? Obviously I missed something or else I wouldn’t be seeing waterfalls first thing in the morning!

So I looked up the dream interpretation of waterfall:

To see a waterfall in your dream is symbolic of letting go. You are releasing all those pent up emotions and negative feelings. Alternatively, the dream represents your goals and desires. In particular, if the waterfall is clear, then it represents revitalization, regeneration and renewal. Source: www.dreammoods.com

Ok. Got it. Great. Can I move on with my day now?

Well, my day has royally sucked. I don’t know if it because I didn’t get much sleep or if it something in the air (energy) today, but I have been very, very down on myself all day. I held back the emotion of it most of the day but eventually it hit me full force and all I could do was allow it to flow. I absolutely hate the feelings that came up and have not been too easy a charge for my guides today I am sure.

Then I get a message from a friend about my waterfall dream and how beautiful it was. Though I am pleased to get the message, there is the waterfall coming up again!

I put it out of my mind. Again. My frame of mind at this point is, “Whatever. Go away (guides).”

Then I am in tears because everything in my life doesn’t fit and I don’t know what to do about all that has happened to me since December. There is an awful feeling that I will feel like this for the rest of my life. That nothing is ever going to get better.

Then memories of last night come up. My husband and I were suppose to go to a concert but he got the address wrong and by the time he figured it out we would have been over an hour late for it. So we gave the tickets to friends and went out to eat. The topic (he brought it up) was divorce. Not ours but his best friend from high school was getting divorced after 16 years of marriage. My husband went on to tell me all the similarities between us and them. What is weird is that he rarely talks to this friend, had reached out to him months ago and just now received a call and this was the news he was given. Things were really feeling surreal and I felt uneasy for some reason. So I ordered a 20 ounce margarita. lol

As the evening went on, the subject shifted and my husband was asking me about a particular person. Well alcohol makes me very happy. I’m a happy drunk (well I was buzzed anyway). lol So when we talked about this person I smiled so big and could not help it. I could feel myself come alive and though I tried to stop it and hide it, it was too late. My husband saw it and said, “See! Look how you light up!” Oops! And I kept smiling after and laughing, making excuses for myself and eventually it all blew over. I think I smiled for the next three hours straight, though.

And the contrast between that happy high and this miserable low I now found myself in was just too much. I told my guides that I couldn’t take it anymore. Then life interrupted and I sucked it all up and moved on. You gotta do what you gotta do, right?

Later, I sat down to reply to an email. As I finished up the reply I looked to my left and saw the words, “Let It Go.” Hahaha! Those words were written on a piece of music sitting on top of my husband’s keyboard. From the movie Frozen. You may have heard of it….:)

Now I am still obviously dense because even though I have the messages, I am wondering, “Let go of what?” And as I type this I am reminded of a moment today when I was feeling so, so much and every feeling was conflicting with another feeling and I was thinking, “I shouldn’t be feeling this” and “What is wrong with me” and so on and so forth. I remember being told amidst my upset, “What is wrong with feeling what you feel?” With this came the idea to pay attention to those very feelings.

Ha! Me, pay attention to my feelings? hahahaha

And now I am thinking that maybe I have been letting go all along, just letting go of the wrong thing. Maybe. But then I still doubt. I have no clue. I’m hopeless.

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Another ReUnion Phase Ahead

The preparation stage is nearing an end. Are you ready for the next stage of transformation?

The energy “pressure” has been building all week. Geomagnetic storms, sun spots, gamma ray bursts, and planets going retrograde (Pluto, Mars, Saturn and soon Mercury). I was unable to sleep last night and when I awoke this morning I heard, “A ReUnion phase is approaching that will last through the end of July.” Ahhhh!

My understanding of just what is meant by “ReUnion” has shifted over the last four months. December, 2015, is the first time I heard the word used by my guidance. At the time, I assumed it just meant that I would meet up somehow with others of my soul family. How the “meeting” would occur, I didn’t know, but I assumed I would be connecting with others in the physical in some way, shape or form, presumably via the internet because I don’t get out much and don’t really know many in my area similar to myself.

I now know just how naive I was…still am most likely. I am reminded as I type, “You are just a child.” Hahaha I am almost 40! Yet I know what They mean. Spiritually, I am still learning to walk…… No. They say. “More like ride a bike.” That’s better, I suppose. lol

They show me that this ReUnion phase, like the past ones (and there have been many more than just the one last December) is a necessary part of the process of becoming Whole. Pieces of our Self are brought back to us. Reunited.

This ReUnion can come in numerous forms from meeting up with a kindred (twin?) soul in the physical to aggressive healing at all levels. There are so, so many ways one can reUnite with those “lost” pieces of Self. Though there are numerous ways this ReUnion can present itself, know that whatever form visits you it will be life-changing on some level. These intense periods are meant to push, push, push you past whatever is holding you back. Think of it as an eruption of Self from the inside while, simultaneously, fragments of Self are flowing back like metal slivers are attracted to a magnet.

I have learned from my past experience with this type of acceleration that remaining the Observer is best. The last time around I failed miserably at doing this. When I hear that another ReUnion is likely in the next few month, I hold my breath for a bit because I am not sure I can handle anymore. Yet I am reassured that I can. Glad my guidance has so much faith in me!

 

 

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Songs as Messages

I’ve been meaning to post the below song for a few days. It sat in my drafts folder for far too long. Since another song is on my mind this morning, I figured I would post them both.

Message maybe? I specifically hear the part of the chorus that says, “Come along and you’ll see what it’s like to be free.” 🙂

Then this morning a song accompanied the heart fire bliss that made me laugh out loud. I have heard it before from my guides but it felt more appropriate than ever this morning. When my husband heard it was on my mind, he insisted that he play it loudly first thing.

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Message: Decide!

I’m still sleeping very, very deep. So deep, that when I wake I am so drowsy that I fall instantly back to sleep, which is uncommon for me. And I am still waking up at 5:00-5:30am. I really, really am hating it right now because I am soooo tired.

Decide! 

Despite being so tired and sleeping extremely deeply, I am having numerous, vivid dreams and also still waking up several times a night. In one instance, I awoke from being jolted by energy that literally made me jump. I don’t think it was my physical body that jumped, but that doesn’t matter – it all feels the same to me. With the jolt of energy came someone saying, “Decide!”

Being as tired as I was, I only briefly wondered what it was all about and then passed back out into dream land.

Dream: Teacher Workshop and Giving Readings

Then I was sitting in a large cafeteria with so many others I lost count. I quickly remembered I was at a workshop and that I was among teachers and staff. I was sitting next to a man with medium brown hair and the tables reminded me of those at an elementary school – much too small for adults.

I remember seeing the agenda. The workshop lasted all day! It became evident to me that it had gone over its allotted time. The suggested change in time was a three hour delay. For some reason I felt this was caused by me. I remember discussing the schedule change with the man sitting next to me and told him I planned to leave at 9am even though it would not be over. The agenda is very vivid in my mind even now.

Then I was speaking with a man who was at least a foot taller than me with medium brown hair and a light complexion. All I remember now is that he asked me, “So you aren’t working now?” I said to him, “No. I have lots of time on my hands.” There is memory of a discussion in which he asked me if I would stay in Dallas (this was where the workshop was) and I said I wished I could but I have a family, etc and needed to get back to them.

Instantly I shifted back to the cafeteria and was speaking to two young women. I gave them both readings and then found out they were not as old as I had thought – still teenagers. I remember feeling worried they would tell their parents and I would get into trouble because they were minors. I explained this to them and one wanted my business card. I gave it to her and felt better for some reason.

Discussion

I woke up and it was 5:30am. Instantly memory of the jolt of energy and the dream came to me. I asked what the “Decide!” demand was for. Decide what? Then I felt it was being asked of me to get me to figure out if I wanted to focus on living or dying. In hearing this I did not hesitate. I am not interested in staying in life, no matter how “exciting” my guides try to make it, it is just not as wonderful as the spiritual side and unless they can somehow merge the two, this physical existence is just not enough.

Dream: End of the Road

Somehow I fell back to sleep briefly, which is odd because I was wide awake. I entered instantly into a dream where I was discussing a destination. There were two, one in CA and the other in TX.

Then I was in a car and driving very, very fast on a four or five lane highway. I kept thinking I was in LA for some reason.

It was like a video game. The speed was so fast I clung to the steering wheel for dear life. I tried to stay in the far right lane where I would slow down to 60mph. But then I would end up jerked back to the fast lane every time. Once, in the fast lane, a car zoomed in front of me and side swiped the concrete barrier and kept going. I nearly did as well and felt as if I were somehow following this fast car. Strangely, there weren’t many cars on the highway, just mine, the reckless driver and a woman in a car that stayed in the slow lane.

I finally stayed in the slow lane and the woman remained behind me, adjusting her speed for me as needed. I watched as the road wound around unfamiliar terrain. I remember thinking, “I wish I knew this road.”

Then the road turned to the right and I saw it turned to gravel. I slowed way down and then stopped my car completely and got out. The woman followed me.

The road had large boulders and I carefully walked through them as it sloped upward. That is when I noticed the road dead ended at what appeared to be a semi truck. A large, silver ramp met the road. I stood upon it and looked inside the truck. It appeared to be completely furnished with mahogany shelves filled with books, side tables, lamps and several nice sofas. It was huge! It did not resemble any truck I had ever been inside of.

A woman was standing inside and taking tickets and money from other travelers who came in from behind me. I had never noticed them, but there were quite a few. In listening to their conversations, I learned that this truck took people to several destinations. The woman who had been following me stated hers and boarded the truck. I was asked what my destination was. I couldn’t remember but I saw in my mind an ocean port with beautiful, crystal blue waters and white sand beaches. I kept thinking my destination was in CA but then thought, no it was Jalisco. Confused, I thought for a moment Jalisco was in Texas but knew that was wrong.

Then I told the woman I had sent my children ahead of me but their truck did not look anything like this one. I had a vivid memory of doing so, too. I remember their truck was plain inside – like a real truck. I felt I was a very bad mother for sending my children away. The woman said, “I’m sure they got there safe and sound.”

Discussion

I awoke with this song in my head:

So much went through my mind this morning, that I can’t even share it all. I will say that I was asked to think of when I felt most alive in this life. There were two specifics times I recalled:

  1. My first experience teaching in a public school. I was so in love with my job and my students that I got to work every day more than an hour early. My favorite lessons were teaching my students how to meditate and how to go inward to learn about themselves (introspection).
  2. My first years giving readings – mediumship, psychic, medical intuition, spirit guide, etc. The feeling is indescribable. There is no feeling that has yet compared to how I feel during and after giving a reading in which I have connected with Spirit and given the sitter proof that their loved ones continue on and are always with them.

I have neither of these two things in my life now. I made it clear to my guides that as a mother I cannot – will not – put my own wants and needs above those of my children. That is the burden that comes with being a mother. Yet at the same time I feel utterly and completely without purpose.

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Lucid Dream to OBE: Take it Off

Up at 5am this morning because my two youngest decided it was time to get up. My husband was with them, awake and watching t.v. Furious, I yelled at them to be quiet and then fumed while laying in bed. I wasn’t really mad at them, though. I was mad because I woke up on my own, like clockwork, and could not go back to sleep. When I wake up that early I have absolutely nothing to do and all I want is to go back to sleep and astral project or just dream. Yet for some reason at 5-5:30am I am wide awake. I was fed up.

I attempted to meditate but made sure my guides knew just how upset I was at being kept out of astral for so long. I said,”If you are going to take everything (spiritual) away, then at least let me astral!!” I heard no response and continued to fume for a bit about other things like how my entire back felt stiff and it was really cold! lol

Lucid Dream: New House

The next thing I remember I am inside a house that has no furniture. There was a woman with me who was showing me around. Specifically, we were looking at the high ceilings. She said to me, “You have nice vaulted ceilings. At least the ceilings are higher in this one (house).” I said, “Well my last one had coffered ceilings. I remember looking up at the ceiling as it came to a point above my head.

She then took me into a closet and showed me a small cubby where I could store things. I remember telling her that I didn’t like the vaulted ceilings in the closet because it made the shelves too high. I inspected the small cubbyhole she was showing me. It resembled a box.

OBE: Take it Off

Throughout the above dream my lucidity would come and go, but toward the end, as I looked at the woman, I thought to myself, “I am out of body!” I felt the energy indicating this the minute I thought the thought. My vision and the image of the woman disappeared but I felt her presence still close by.

I was standing in an unfamiliar place. I could sense the space expand around me. Though my vision was not fully available to me, the first thing I thought was that I needed to look at my hands. When thought this, my vision turned on and I saw bright blue sky and a flash of the woman to my left. I remember she said to me, “Look.” Yet, despite trying hard to keep my vibration high, the scene continued to fade in and out. I believe, however, that I was standing on a beach near the ocean. The only vivid images I recall now are of the sky and the woman. There is also a sensation of being encouraged to expand. With this there is memory of the woman reaching over and taking off my outer shell. In this I recall seeing the duplicate of my physical body fall away like a suit of clothing. Underneath was a brilliant green energy body.

OBE: Honeymoon

I felt the familiar energy of settling back into my body. Surprised that I had been allowed to go OOB I immediately took advantage of my high energy state and exited.

I was standing beside the woman. I had absolutely no astral sight but instead was able to perceive in black and white. The woman and I were walking toward a destination and I knew we were standing outside of a building. I could sense the greenery around me and wished I could see it in all its brilliance.

The door opened and we stepped inside. My vision would sporadically turn on and off and so I was able to get a glimpse of where we were. It appeared to be a house like the previous lucid dream. The woman was my main focus, though. She was blonde and fair, her hair cut in layers that framed her face. She had a very youthful appearance and glow about her.

She led me toward the end of the house where I perceived huge ceiling-high windows. She lifted me up and set me on something. This surprised me because I could feel her grab hold of me and it seemed so effortless for her to lift me. I felt her close to me still and my vision turned on flooding me with an intense light and an image of her face. Her cherub-like face was so child-like! She couldn’t have been more than 10 years old! When I saw her I said, “Keira!” and pulled her close to me to hug and kiss her. I felt a great affinity for her and was overjoyed to see her. She hugged me but when I attempted to kiss her she said, “Not now. I’m not allowed.” So my kiss hit empty air. Somewhat disappointed I watched as her image literally vanished in front of my eyes but I could still feel her all around me.

She led me toward the huge windows and then we materialized on the other side. My vision turned on again and again an intense light flooded my eyes. We were standing on a large, golden-colored balcony. There were couples sitting together and relaxing. Somehow I knew they were all married couples and this was where they honeymooned. I recognized the place and I remember I said to her, “This overlooks the ocean!” I rushed to the edge of the balcony (it was solid) to look over it. When I did, I did not see a beach. Instead, I saw a clear creek with rushing water that was heading downhill over polished rocks to an unseen source. On either side of the creek was lush, green, tropical vegetation. It reminded me of a section of a rainforest that had been clear-cut. I looked up at the most vividly blue sky I had ever seen and just smiled. It was fantastic! Yet at the same time I wondered, “Where’s the ocean?” It was as if someone had drained it and left only a creek behind.

Then my energy shifted and I felt the familiar sensation of my physical body. I lingered in the in-between for some time after that.

Message: There’s a Tear in the Fabric of the Astral Realms

Of course, I wondered why I was allowed OOB when I had been told I could not. It was explained that there was a massive crack in the astral realms right now. This was shown to me like a rip in the fabric of energy that separated the various “levels”. The tear caused these levels to intermingle. It is like when there is a tear in a plastic swimming pool. The water rushes through the crack all at once. With these various planes or levels of astral, this causes a blending of the vibrations, making it difficult to traverse without guidance and even harder still to move up through the lower levels. The crack or tear makes it difficult for one to maintain the correct vibration. The tear acts to destabilize one’s energy and “sucks” it away into the whirlpool created by the crack. This is why it was so hard for me to control my energy. My guides were trying to show me how to fix this problem. I need to drop my astral body altogether (as in the first OBE). I was told that I was not following directions on how to do this. I was more interested in playing. LOL Too true! It had been so long since I had been aware of being OOB that I really just wanted to fly and explore. I was able to stay OOB without dropping my astral body only because my guide was helping me to stabilize my energy. Anything that would disrupt this (kissing, touching, etc) would have caused a spike in my vibration which would have instantly destabilized my astral body. The only way around this was to discard the astral body completely.

 

 

 

 

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A Dream and a Name

In this dream I was at a gym preparing for a group class. The instructor came in and had us all grab barbells. For some reason I grabbed two very small dumbbells to do push-ups and then realized we were going to do something else, so dropped them only to find all the barbells were taken. The instructor then had us line up very close, holding our barbells. Then we were attached to one another by clips. The result was that we appeared as a human grid.

Our assignment was to run a route in pairs. We would be carrying a barbell between us and our fuel was an assortment of tea.

As my partner and I ran together, we far outpaced the rest of the group. The route was a dirt path among rolling hills covered in tall, green grass. The view from the top of the hill was spectacular and my partner and I sprinted down the hill together at a high speed. I remember looking behind us and seeing our group shrink as the distance between us increased. I remember feeling intense joy and pride at our accomplishment.

Then we reached the bottom of the hill and our speed dramatically decreased. We slowly made our way to what appeared to a be a large temple or shrine made out of light gray stone. There were paved roads that meandered around green patches of grass dotted with flowers and surrounded by short hedges.

I noticed our ration of tea bags was almost gone and we were nearly out of water. How could we ever get to the finish line without our fuel? I decided to put several tea bags in our last remaining water. My partner said, “Wouldn’t that make the tea too strong?” I said yes and explained I liked it that way. There remained three gray tea bags of Oolong tea.

This is when the others in our group began to catch up to us. One pair passed us and I noticed they were on a tandem bicycle. That is when I realized my partner and I were on two separate bicycles.

As we made our way toward the main road, my partner wanted to take a different route. I hesitated but then followed him since both routes led to the same destination. As we pedaled down the path, I saw two police officers rounding up some children who did not follow the directions and were off track. I remember thinking I was glad I was not one of them.

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Dream Interpretation

The dream is suggestive of not working with my counterpart toward our common goal. There is a separation that exists, symbolized by the separate bicycle when we should be on a tandem bike. Tea is symbolic of life satisfaction and taking one’s time in regards to a relationship. Not only is tea our “fuel” and we are running low but our speed slows down significantly.

In-Between Communication

Prior to waking from this dream, I found myself in a discussion with an online friend. We were talking about desire and her lack of it and my sudden increase of it. I pointed out my partner, who appeared much as he did in past lucid dreams though he was quite a distance away in this particular lucid moment. I remember telling her, “I don’t have any issue with it (desire) now.” She had said something like, “My partner and I do not have any interest in each other anymore.”

She then said to me, “If you want to be with him why don’t you initiate?” I said, “I don’t know. I just don’t want to.” I remember looking at my partner from a distance and thinking I would like him to come over where we were standing.

That is when I became lucid in the in-between and my Companion was close. I knew he wanted me to do what he normally did in our past encounters. He wanted me to initiate our connection. My first thought was, “How? I don’t know how.” Yet I could feel my heart chakra active. It felt like my entire chest was a mass of solid energy. My third eye was also active.

There was recognition then that I preferred to be the pursued, not the pursuer. In fact, all my life I have never once pursued anyone other than one boyfriend in high school who took my advances to mean I wanted to jump right in bed with him. This was not the case and I quickly withdrew. I discovered that if I showed any interest in a man (meaning just being nice to them or friendly) it was misconstrued to mean I wanted to have sex with them. So I quickly learned to remain distant and let them pursue me. If I was interested then I would accept. It I was not, I would ignore them or straight out tell them to back off. It really sucked for me to be this way because I prefer men to women as friends yet I could never have a male friend because they always wanted it to go beyond friendship. 😦

That is when I was straight out told that I needed to reverse this role. I needed to pursue what I wanted. If I wanted sex, then I need to initiate it. If I wanted the heart connection, then I needed to initiate it. There is nothing wrong with wanting either. It is my right, my decision.

But I fear the rejection that goes with it. I recognized this fear right away.

That is when I recall hearing myself ask my Companion, “What is your name?” I heard myself reply, “Allen”. This brought me to full wakefulness and I remember hearing an entire name, “Richard Allen” but I can’t remember the last name now. Then I could not remember my own name and it took me quite some time to remember it.

As I lingered in bed, trying to get a grip on reality, I had a vivid vision of an orange cat. It was very obviously dead.

 

orangecat