Tag Archives: Messages

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Finding the Cure

I meant to post this yesterday but after the video wild goose chase I waited until this morning. Plus, I had an interesting evening. I’ll share that later.

Anyway, I did a video post on a portion of what happened yesterday, but that is only a small portion of the story.

A memory of a poem I wrote, probably in 1993-94, came to mind quite suddenly yesterday morning. It was fitting, considering I awoke feeling that I couldn’t do much more waiting around. Here is the poem:

I cannot stand this idleness
My mind lies dormant; unfocused, dead
My fears rise higher, capsize and break
like waves of water, receding hate.

In the video I posted, I only mentioned the one poem, but I found several others. I don’t write poetry anymore, but I use to all the time. I also use to draw all the time, too, and I must admit I am not too bad an artist. I’m not sure why I stopped. I had poetry and artwork in the last few pages of my memory book. Seeing/reading them really transported me back in time yet I felt that that girl no longer existed. It is almost like my life back then was a past life not connected at all to the current one I am living.

Here are some other poems:

Untitled

From within my soul
blackness thickens,
stealing and spoiling
my good intentions
leaving no feeling
no sorrow, no joy
taking and making
me, its new toy. 

This one had a drawing with it:

Dealing with Dragons

Hot breath of the dead
rides with the wind
to find a fair maiden
whose self cannot fend.

Foulest of creatures
meets bringer of life
no battle or struggle
just internal strife.

Eyes of red fire
look into blue skies
good repels evil
truth reveals lies.

Some other cool info from that year:

A gallon of gas $1.27
A haircut was $6
Concert tickets $20
CDs $14.95
Canned soda $.50
Candy bar $.50
Levi’s jeans $25

Other favorites I listed:

Car: Ford Mustang (lol)
Music: Pearl Jam, Metallica, Guns and Roses, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Alice n’ Chains. Aerosmith, Smashing Pumpkins
TV: Married with Children
Movies: Wayne’s Word, The Adam’s Family Values, Geronimo
Clothing: All black, grunge (hahaha)
Guys: They had to have long hair (what??)
Miscellaneous: peacocks, animals of all kinds, books, dreaming, roses (?), cooking, cookies (lol), eating (LOL), fishing, swimming, hanging out with friends, bowling, going to the movies
Authors I liked: David Eddings, Anne McCaffrey, Tolkien, Piers Anthony. I was really into Fantasy novels and read all.the.time.

I was really active in school, or at least as much as I could be considering my school was so small. I was in One Act Play (yeah no joke) and played tennis. I was also in the Color Guard (captain) and band (saxophone) and a total straight A student. I dropped all of it after graduation, even the straight A student part. I sometimes still play tennis but I am no good at it. lol

Really, though, the song was what I was meant to find when I went to my memory book. What is really synchronistic about the song is that prior to listening to it I had read several posts on the topic of happiness. Then the main words that are heard over and over are “Let’s get happy”. Hmmm Yeah, let’s. The song was a “cure” to my moodiness yesterday.

 

 

 

 

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Opossum Visit

Last night was one of those nights where I fell asleep and did not move until I awoke at 3am. I have no memory of any dreams prior to that point. I just slept really, really hard.

When I awoke I was very sad and I don’t know why. I felt completely done with life and requested a convening of my Council to discuss my options. For some reason I knew I could do this if I stated it properly. So I mentally requested a meeting of my Council to discuss my Exit options. I then requested that I be allowed to remember the adjournment and what was decided.

I was not going to share this with you all because I didn’t want it to appear negative. Yet, this is a very real part of the journey, of my journey. I have requested to Exit this life many, many times – too many to count. I believe we have Exit points planned into our lives. These are points where we can choose to leave the physical body. They are set points but the timing and circumstances surrounding them can be revised. I did not know how to request it until this morning. I just awoke knowing. Prior to that I have just wished for them, never directly asking to meet with my Council.

The feeling I awoke with is of absolute purposelessness. I feel to be going nowhere in my life. Treading water and getting more and more exhausted as I do so. The options I have reviewed, the only ones I can currently “see”, do not offer me any hope of positive change. I feel no matter what I do that this feeling will not abate. I have asked to understand, to be shown the reason, but so far I am getting nothing – or at least that is what it seems.

Opossum Visit

I was reminded this morning that I was visited by an opossum last night. This was no dream but an actual visit. At my old home, which was located out in the country, opossums, raccoons and other critters were constantly showing up. Here in the suburbs, however, they are rare. So last night, when a huge opossum came walking up to me while I was outside, it was a surprise indeed.

A visit from an opossum is a message to lay low and blend into your surroundings – to “play opossum”. Their message is “take no action”; do not say or do anything. This time of no action will allow you to see things for what they really are. Patience, trust and passivity are required.

Seeing this message just makes me laugh. No wonder I am wanting to Exit. This is the worst part of life (in my opinion) – the waiting! I absolutely hate it.

This message reminds me of a knowingness I had prior to bed last night and upon waking this morning. That at this time in my life I am focusing primarily on two things: being a mother and progressing spiritually. That’s it. The former requires action on my part, the latter does not. Of course, I want to act on the spiritual more than anything but am not being allowed. It is something that occurs in its own time and much of it is behind the scenes.

 

A big challenge for me is accepting the feelings I am having; allowing myself to feel them without judgement. There are so many “negative” ones that it is hard to not judge myself harshly for feeling them. Trusting that they have a purpose is very difficult as well. In some cases they are the elephant in the room and eventually something must be done about them.

I really, really want to just go into a coma until it is time to act. The waiting is unbearable.

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Becoming Whole

At around 5pm CST I received the first of several blasts of energy to my heart center. They did not last long, the longest lasting maybe a few minutes.

All this happened when I was watching T.V. and alone. I had the house to myself and was enjoying just being. This is when my attention was suddenly diverted from the T.V. to my left. I swear I felt/heard/sensed someone trying to get my attention. Then came the heart blast. I smiled from ear to ear.

During maybe the third or fourth heart blast I heard very loudly, “Did you miss me?” This shocked me for it seemed to come from within and without at the same time. Usually I can determine a direction and locate where the message is coming from, but this one seemed to originate from within me, from within my very center. Woah.

This startled me to the point that I began to panic a bit. I was reminded to stay out of my mind and when I did that and focused back on my heart the energy there increased and I calmed substantially.

I recognized the voice and the feeling behind it as that of my Companion. So quiet these last few weeks it was/is nice to have communication from him again.

Every once in a while I will convince myself that I am insane and that this entire experience I am having is some kind of psychotic break with reality. This rarely lasts long as I am instantly reminded of the very real experiences I have had and the amazing feeling of love that accompanies them. It is like I am being presented with the decision – to Believe or not to Believe – over and over again. This is what happened last night as I sat alone, overwhelmed once again with what was happening to me. In that moment I was reminded that I created this experience – it is purposeful. I am on a journey of reUnification; a journey to wholeness. And I heard, “We can do this, for We already are.”

We Can Be All Places, All Times

As I continued to try and watch T.V. my attention continued to be diverted to other things. My mind would blank out and I would feel I was receiving communication but there were no words, no images of this communication. I was just a receiving. Then there came an idea that I could choose to be in more than once place at once – that this was my true nature. I Remembered briefly how to do this, how to be in multiple places at once. I do this when I view the future for myself or another. I have done it before, but a limited version of it, one my human mind can accept for to view too many timelines at once can overwhelm the mind and create a break with reality.

I attempted to see the future, or at least one of them, and felt myself to be observing myself and moving through time to a point in the not so distant future. I saw my family arriving and me helping with the baby. Then I shifted to look at present time reality. Where was my family at this moment? I saw them settling into the car and knew they were about 20 minutes away. I saw the inside of the car with clarity and saw my middle son drifting off to sleep.

This is remote viewing and I have done it before. I rarely do it because I have a lack of belief in it caused by not bringing back information that can be proved. I do it sometimes on accident, though, and to my surprise it has been proven. Still I don’t do it often for lack of belief.

I discovered the clarity of my perceptions in remote viewing is increased when I have a psychic bond with the individual(s) I am viewing. This can be done if I have a link to an object or place as well. However, I find it fascinating that I can view the happenings of someone I have never met from a far distance just because there is a strong link between us. It is beautiful but at the same time I feel wrong to do it. I feel I am invading their privacy. Yet I know they also can see/perceive me. For this particular person it happens quite by accident, without any intention on my part. Why? I have no idea but it is so astonishingly clear and makes me smile every time. In my life I have never experienced such a link to anyone, not even my own child.

Becoming Whole

After about an hour or so of on and off heart blasts, I got out the wine. This stopped the heart energy but my third-eye flickered on and off and my Companion did not leave. I could still feel him and still feel he wanted me to focus on the remote viewing “lesson”. Sigh.

I fell asleep quickly and slept deeply (thank you wine!) but awoke at around 5:30am with my Companion very present. I recalled my dreams and remembered what had been occurring through the night. We were together discussing my inability to accept my “other half”. I was reminded that this body is but a shell that I occupy for a short time. In reality I am neither male or female. The dream, which involved a discussion about a man who was undergoing a sex change/gender reassignment was vivid in my mind. How could a man be a woman, too? Yet, that is what we are. We are both. Even in understanding this, my human mind struggled to understand it. How can I be both?

I had flashes of my Companion in his non-human form. In this form he had no gender. He reminded me that We can take on any form we choose. He reminded me again the he is me and I am him. This is so hard for me to digest because I am talking to him, which means then that I am talking to myself. Talk about making a person feel insane.

I am reminded that we are in stasis – We I mean. That We are a Pleiadian Starseed, from the planet Lyra. That We are currently experiencing on Earth to help but also to grow, and that we have been doing this for many hundreds of Earth years. We split in two to do this. He lived and I observed and then vice versa. There is something very special about this lifetime for Us. We will both be in this body. I don’t understand it fully. It is a bit overwhelming and I find myself back at the point where I want him to go away. Of course, he never goes away.

I also know we are now writing Chapter 3.

 

 

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Which Path Will You Take?

I have one more lesson to share with you all from this morning.

I was shown a path. It began at a river and ended at a cabin on the other side of a tall mountain range. I was shown how, when planned, the journey is practically a straight line. One wades across the river, takes a path through a dark forest and climbs the steep mountains before reaching a cozy cabin where they rest, refresh and move on to the next stage of the journey. When planned, the path from the river to the cabin is hard but since the destination is known, the planner of the path is sure the journey will take a day, no less.

This is the plan prior to life.

The planner forgets that when the path is trod upon from within a human body the destination, and all obstacles along the way, are forgotten. The cabin is suppose to be on the other side of the mountains, but the traveler is not certain of this. To them it is but a dream they are quickly forgetting.

After wading across a cold river, they are tired, wet and cold. Their feet are cut and bleeding. Their stomachs empty. When walking through the dark forest they become hungry and tired, their feet swollen and bruised. The journey seems never to end and they stop to rest their weary body before they even reach the end of the forest. The next day, they reach the base of the mountains. They look up at an unimaginable climb. Sore, tired and without reassurance to help them know how far they have come, they begin to doubt. The decision is made that there is no point in even attempting to cross the mountains for there is no way they will ever make it. And they don’t even know for sure the cabin exists. In fact, they have now convinced themselves there is no cabin there at all.

The decision is then made to turn back. But they don’t wish to once again cross the cold river, so they take a detour, trying to find their way around it, back to where they started, for at least they know where their journey began and their is no evidence of the “dream” of the cabin.

What was planned as a short, one day journey has now stretched into half a lifetime or more. The cabin was always there, but the memory of it is lost and the human condition has destroyed any chance of it ever being revived.

This is what happens to us when we incarnate on Earth in a human body. Our plan so simple and straight forward, is plagued by doubt, physical, mental and emotional discomfort, lack of faith, and no trust in our selves or in our hearts.

But the first path can be the path we travel while in this body if we let our hearts lead us and not our minds.

How many times have you turned around to avoid the mountains? How many times have you walked in circles to avoid the cold river? What discomforts have led you on a path that is not your own?

This was what I was presented with this morning. This is why we so often feel lost in life. For we are lost to our hearts and so also lost to our path.

I don’t know about you but those mountains don’t look half as bad as they did 30 years ago. And I would rather get to the cozy cabin than spend another night in a dark, cold forest. 🙂

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Taking My Mask Off

Adzekiel had more messages for me. This new level I am to go to will be preparation work; preparation for the “new” me. He explained that I will be asked to take my “mask off”. With this I received an image of my face and me slowly taking off make-up with a cotton ball. I saw no obvious signs of make-up but the message was clear.

I am familiar with seeing “masks” in my dreams and OBEs. I have seen a white cream all over my own face as well as the face of others. It looks like clown make-up when I see it and makes my face look very “off” and fake. Thankfully in this current vision the white make-up was not present. 🙂

The understanding of what this means was slow to come. I asked, “What it is I will have to do?”  He said I will need to “speak and write my truth”. No more hiding in the shadows. No more pretending I am like everyone else when I’m not. With that a scenario played out in my mind of talking with a member of our church and telling them I was preparing to walk-out and let another aspect walk-in. The expression I imagined on their face was priceless. I did not feel I could do it, though.

It is terrifying to me.

He said, “You do not have to do it all at once. It should be gradual, but it must be done.”

He explained that my personality change will be very obvious to those closest to me. They will notice. I was not told what this “personality change” would look like but the feeling sent to me made me squirm a bit with nervousness.

I was also warned that my gifts will begin to manifest more strongly. I am not sure what this means, either. I have been told this before but nothing major has come of it as of yet.

During this conversation my crown and third-eye chakra were buzzing. I could not shake the feeling I had either. This feels very, very important. Necessary. Unavoidable.

I am not sure I will be able to pretend all of this (the braid-in/walk-in situation) is not real for much longer.

 

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Adviser Adzekiel and the Requiem Room

I asked to project again but knew that a break was needed. My body needed rest as did my mind. So no projections last night.

Adviser Adzekiel 

I was awakened several times last night from children. Each time I had that lovely drowsy feeling that lulls one back into sleep. However, I also have knowing that I had been busy in my sleep and tried to retrieve my dreams as proof. This is when one of my guides interrupted, telling me, “Remember not your dreams but what is behind them.”

During one of my early morning wakings, after just having dream in which I had been at a university receiving my test results, I awoke and once again attempted to retrieve my dreams. I felt the presence of my guide and as soon as I would attempt a retrieval the dream would vanish and the feeling with it. It was very odd but not an unfamiliar experience.

This guide remained ever present and quite big, though not intrusive. His energy was very gentle and not at all dominant. It was as if he were a passive observer but I know better than that. At one point I asked him who he was and he gave me the name, “Adzekiel”. I was not familiar with the name and asked it to be repeated because I didn’t think the “d” should be there. However, that is the name and it was confirmed.

He showed me who he was visually and I was surprised to see a long flowing, white robe. Around his neck he wore a golden sash. I was immediately reminded of an OBE where I met up with several individuals who appeared similar. I could not make out his face but I saw dark hair. I asked where his black robe was because I remembered black. He said, “I can wear black if you like, but I usually wear white.” I got the feeling this is because of his role. I asked if he always appeared male. He said, “We can appear however we choose.” I asked him why he chose male. He answered, “Because you prefer it.” I then asked, “What do you prefer to look like?” Then I saw his image change and his hair became long and blonde and he was very obviously female. I questioned this and he said, “We [all of us] are both male and female.” I knew this already but still it was nice to hear.

I asked what his role is. “Are you on my Council?” He said, “I am part of your ‘Team’ – as you call it.” Trying to figure out exactly what he did and why he was wearing a different color, I asked more questions. In the end it was determined that he was more of an adviser to me than my guides in black. Those in black are involved in my life plan on a daily basis while he is called in at certain times when advisement is needed. He also stated he was an adviser to many others, others not just of my group. He told me, “You will find my name is used by others [channels].” I got the feeling he was a member of the Council, but he avoided this term and used another, which I cannot recall now.

Requiem Room

In my dream I had been in a library-like setting. It had wood walls with tall bookshelves and comfortable seating. I was with a small group of individuals and we were discussing our test results and our classes. The environment and discussion reminded me very much of a university. I had successfully passed my final test for “History” and was progressing to the next class. There was a feeling of relief on my part – like I no longer had to worry about some past pattern repeating. A male student who was part of my group did not receive such great news. I saw his test returned to him with marks indicating areas that needed improvement. I felt very sorry for him and knew he would remain in his class for a while longer.

I asked where we had been and was told it was of no consequence. However, I heard the word, “Requiem” pop into my head straight away and knew we had been in the Requiem Room. I could not understand why the term requiem was being used to describe the room. In my mind it was a piece of music. However, I found that it’s Latin origins indicate that it means “Rest”. This makes perfect sense and is so much better than being told we were in the “Rest Room”. lol 😉

New Level

Adzekiel announced to me that I was moving to “the next level”, whatever that means. As you know, I have heard this before. I move to another level often it seems. The “briefing” I received after this announcement came in the form of me “feeling” the information and interpreting that feeling with my mind.

My dream was first to be “felt” out. I was again instructed to not focus on the dream but to Remember what was behind the dream. It was easier than I realized and I knew what my “Test” was and why I passed it. Apparently, the feelings and urges I had pertaining to finances and needing a job were part of this test. I had an overwhelming knowingness that these feelings were old patterns being released, some mine and some the “groups” (world’s). Also, my actions were being observed. Would I resist and ignore my “instructions”? Or would I give into them? I did resist, somewhat, but ultimately I was open to finding work and did search many times for it. However, none ever felt right. So this was the test that I passed.

With this understanding I felt something had shifted and I no longer needed to find work. My husband would have advances in his work (he has been very unhappy) and my focus could remain on my spiritual journey. Yay!! Writing is the focus and I have been asked if I would be open to writing a book. I am, since I have already written one, but no further instructions have been given. There was a nudge from Adzekiel at this time to proceed with creating a new blog outlining my walk-in experiences. I felt this nudge strongly and was told this would be “foundation work”. He told me, “There will be many walk-ins”. I have little time – less than 7 months – for the plan is for great change is to happen around my 40th birthday and they pertain to the walk-in. Woah.

I knew the male class member in my dream had not been completely successful. I felt he was close to me but not “family” and learned quickly that my classmates and I were not part of the same soul family. There were two men and three woman, including me, in our small class. Classes are organized and dispersed often and members are picked based upon the similarity of need. My soul family may or may not be included depending on their need/level. Interesting!

 

 

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The Rest of It

Now that I have time, I will post the rest (that I can remember).

I was wide awake and it was 4:30am. By this time I had been speaking with the Beings for a good hour and there was so much energy coursing through me that I began to think I would not fall to sleep. Then it dawned on me to ask, so I did. “Please help me go back to sleep.” Within minutes I was hit with the heaviness that signaled sleep and not long after entered into semi-lucid and lucid dream states.

Dream: Letter from Lisa

Most of this dream is lost to me now. In it I was presented with a letter. It was typed and had many, many paragraphs. It was signed simply, “Lisa.”

I recall hearing a woman reading me the letter. It was a letter about adjusting to life in a physical body. It was very detailed to include incubation and assimilation. I remember not liking those terms. Apparently I am “assimilating”.

The letter was about this woman’s personal experience assimilating to the human physical body. She had been in it for 15 years and was still struggling to adapt and make adjustments. The information in the letter was very scientific in some ways, almost like a report. I remember thinking that she was much older than 15 years old and recognizing she was a walk-in.

I became lucid toward the end and that is when I saw the signature at the bottom – Lisa. I wondered if I knew her.

Lucid Dream: Conversation with Barbara

In this dream I had an in-depth conversation with a woman named Barbara. I called her by her name several times and I remember her to be older than me, maybe in her 50s. I also remember auburn hair but I cannot recall her face.

We were conversing about raising children, specifically about routine. She asked me, “You don’t put them to bed when they aren’t tired do you?” I responded, “Yeah I do. When they are asleep is one of the only times I get to be alone!” She implied that routine was not good. This is the opposite of what I was taught. Children thrive on routine. It acts as a stabilizing influence and helps them feel safe. Yet this woman was adamant that routine was against our true nature and was part of the reason we get stuck in a rut (routine). I remember quoting different psychologists and discussing behaviorism, social psychology, ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) and many other related topics. We did not argue, we had a very good conversation and I awoke from it still hearing her voice and feeling an affinity for this woman, Barbara. Now I wonder now if maybe she was on to something. I don’t know how many times I have cursed myself for getting too comfortable with my routines. They have a tendency to box a person in.

The In-Between

Between dreams I was in the in-between. For those of you not familiar with what this space is, I was told it is a place where “past, present and future exist at the same time”. In other words, it is between time. However, what it feels like to me is being in a very deeply relaxed state where my mind is receptive to communication with my guides, Spirit, and apparently ETs. I am usually aware of being both in my body and above it at the same time. It is often devoid of color, like a blank slate, but communication comes both in words and vivid visions that play behind my eyelids like real-time movies. Sometimes I get pulled into these visions and my perceptions turn on as if I am awake and from here I can easily go OOB. Other times I remain an observer.

Simply put, the in-between is accessed via the trance state. I don’t know how many of you can go there, but for me it is my Home away from Home and I go there every day/night. Sometimes I am “called” there and am instantly there.

When I was in-between with the three Beings they were just out of my line of sight as if they did not want me to see them. Instead I could only feel and sense them. I knew they were E.T.s by their energy and flashes of the little gray men from movies and pictures kept coming to mind. I don’t know how I feel about that, really.

Their communication with me was both in words and visions. However, I was told several times by them, “Your vocabulary is insufficient for our purposes.” LOL

You may wonder why I don’t just get up and channel when these kinds of experience happen to me. Believe me, I wanted to, but I have found that if I get up, the movement of my physical body breaks the trance state and then disrupts the flow of information. Once that flow is disrupted I never know if I will be able to resume the communication at the same level. So I am stuck having to decide: 1. Stay and get tons of information but risk losing half of it because my brain won’t be able to retain it all. or 2. Get up and write down everything I can remember up to that point and risk not receiving anymore information. Sometimes I am lucky and the information keeps coming because I am wide open. I can tell when these times are and last night was not one of those times. So I chose to stay in the in-between and thus forgot half of what I was told. I’m sorry. I will try to do better next time.

Other Messages Tidbits

I was not alone on the craft I visited. I can’t remember who was with me – sorry. However, I did wonder where all the men were. It seemed to be oddly female dominated. I was told there are more females than men who are going through this “process”. This was done purposefully because of the receptivity of the female body/brain/organism. Not that we are “superior” necessarily but that it offers a better probability for success. I don’t understand everything they told me but my understanding is that men are prone to ignore or completely miss the messages that come through. Interesting. So hey, if you are a man and on this journey – congrats! You have beat the odds!! 😉

I am told I am receiving adjustments on board a craft of some kind two to three times a week. Talk about shock to me! Then I remembered a dream I had the night before last which I assumed was not worth mentioning on my blog. I will just say there were triplets in it. No coincidence.

Finally, I had high knowingness that I was going to begin to Remember more….again. So will my soul family. And we will continue to Remember each other. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I am still processing the last round of Remembering and trust me it was quite an eye-opener. I will never be the same. If one round of major Remembering can do that, what will the next one do? I shudder to think but apparently I passed the point of no return a long, long time ago.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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We are Yeshua

When I awoke from the OBE the three Beings were to my left. I saw them each as light but I knew immediately that they were E.T.s and that my OBE had been with them. They were the “midget men” who I knew were also the Prophet. I asked them, “Who are you?” They responded as one, “We are Yeshua.”

So much commenced after this that I am not sure where to start and I will most likely forget to include everything. So forgive me in advance. I will do my best as I know this is important for more than just me.

These Beings are very ancient and they communicated as such. They have been the caretakers of Earth from the beginning. They are not those who participated in the seeding of Earth, though. They made this very clear. They are of the group who have been called The Many, The Elohim, Melchizedek and other names I cannot think of at the moment. I asked why they always give me Biblical names and was told, “They are Our names.”

They told me they traveled from a different time but also showed me what this looked like. It was literally like they stepped into this time but it would be like they traveled a very, very long time to get here. I suspect what I was shown was them coming from their dimension to ours, but it literally looked like they just crossed over some kind of barrier, like a line in space. It was a dark line. They were on one side and we were on the other.

I asked what they were doing and was told, “You can reproduce better now.” I thought back, “Reproduce? I don’t want to reproduce. I’m fixed.” But then I realized this was their way of saying “sex” and understood that they view sex for what it is – reproduction. It is nothing but that. Curious.

We discussed how my previous lucid dream was my conscious mind’s way of interpreting the events prior to the OBE. I was on board a craft somewhere and was witnessing someone else have some kind of procedure done. I was told that I have a disgust for “reproduction” and that I needed to remove it for it was not accurate and something I picked up from the incarnation cycle. I recognized this disgust right away. My dream was just a reflection of it.

When I met the woman in my dream who was preparing to connect her laptop, I was told that I would be meeting with these Beings. For some reason it scared me and I started to cry. They explained that my human reaction is fear first – thus my reaction. They said they will help me find acceptance and understanding. For now the scenes I recall will be comfortable and at an acceptable level. Eventually they will be less and less so, but only to the extent that I can handle it.

I recall that the light I was looking at was the light used in whatever procedure they were doing. I recall seeing six 1 inch cubed crystals, similar to a dream I recently had. I didn’t see it in the OBE but recalled it almost immediately after I woke. These crystals were used on me but I am not sure what for.

This procedure is not the upgrade that is coming. It was a preparation for it. When I was told this my heart chakra began to light up and I was enveloped in an energy hug that fully surrounded my entire mid-section. I felt that there would be more heart chakra energy with the next upgrade. I melted into it for a bit, enjoying it.

The maps and diagrams I saw were almost forgotten but it was like they reminded me of them because the memory just appeared in my head. I tried and tried to remember the information but it was not forthcoming. I knew I was not meant to know. The information was about the agenda of Team Dark and the harvesting of humans. There is a purposeful increase in population beyond the ability of the Earth to support. It is disturbing but I am not sure why.

I asked why they were visiting me. They said to me, “You are special. You were chosen out of a group of volunteers”. I have been hearing that I am “special” ever since my first communications with my guide. I hate hearing it. So I said to them, “But there are a lot of us.” They responded, “Not as many as you might think.” They then said I was given “gifts”. This I understood to be my spiritual abilities but I did not ask. They explained that I needed to be “clear”. I believe this was what they had been doing in my OBE. I have specific judgments towards sex and intimacy that need to be sorted.

We also talked about the exchange that was soon to take place. It will occur after I am “cleared” (not really sure what that means). The exchange involves another aspect taking over and the current me going into stasis. I asked where I would go and was shown what appeared to be a pod made out of a fabric-like material with a zipper that went all the way around. I saw inside of it a woman – me – asleep and holding an infant. I understood that for me what happens while the other aspect is in control will appear like a very vivid dream. Interesting. I was told also that as they begin to allow me to retain memories of my interactions with them that they will surround me in a “calm” unlike anything I have ever experienced. I got a visual of being surrounded in what looked like a silken cocoon of energy. I am open that that. 🙂

There is more but this is getting too long and I have to get on with my day. I will write more later.

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Upgrade Approaching

It’s been an odd day.

First, something felt off this morning and it lasted until about noon. I had a feeling in my gut that was not going away. Since I had the urge to look for a job, I searched online and it only made the feeling in my gut turn into an anxiety in my heart chakra. When I finally stopped the job search all off feelings vanished as if they were never there to begin with.

Later, during my youngest’s nap, I took some time alone outside and just stared up at the cloudless sky. I had been having trouble thinking all day and so I had no thoughts. My mind was just blank. That’s when one of my guides announced to me, “There will be an upgrade soon. We have been preparing you. It will be intense.” Funny enough, I didn’t bat an eye. I am so use to these kinds of announcements that I just wanted to know when. The answer was predictable: “Soon.” My feeling was that it was likely to hit me in the middle of the night. I said, “I can’t handle anymore crazy emotional up’s and down’s.” His response to that was, “You need to be clear.” Okay. So that likely means I need to have some tissue on hand. Or maybe it will be one of those intense crown chakra blasts this time? Who knows. I will just wait and see.

After that, I went to get the mail with my daughter. A neighbor was there getting hers as well and I instantly recognized her. She had lost her husband right before Christmas and talked to me in-depth one day about her struggle to make it through the holidays. I almost asked her how she was but hesitated because my daughter was there with me and I knew the woman’s deceased husband was right there and wanting to pass on a message. He followed me home telling me how he wanted to tell his wife he was with their cat and giving me the name “Grace”. I felt bad but at the same time I had no idea how I would have approached the subject with my neighbor.

As I prepared my bath just a while ago I asked about the coming upgrade. Was everyone going to experience this? I was told that the upgrades will not hit everyone at the same time nor in the same way. I was shown that I am cycling through them. Each one will clear something new, taking off more and more layers. It will cycle through pretty fast I am told, much faster than I have previously experienced (meaning weeks pass rather than months I guess?).

I must say that I’m not looking forward to this. Based upon my most recent emotional outpouring followed by awful intestinal flu, I am not sure I can take much more. Oh wait, that was the “preparation”…. Hmmm Well, at least they told me the upgrade is coming and it will be “intense”. I am trying to remember what happened the last time they used the word intense. I can’t remember. Not surprised being my brain is not working.

 

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Dream: Finding True North

The question I had asked about the pole confusion in my dream was answered in the following dream.

Dream: Finding  True North

 

In this dream I was in the water with a bunch of classmates and we were retrieving rocks from the sea floor. I remember selecting a few that were pretty and two large completely clear cubes.

When we brought them to the surface we gave them to our teacher who was a scientist of great renown. I never saw this teacher but heard about him.

At this point the scene shifted and I was inside my mom’s house in her bedroom and in her bed. I was very tired and struggled to keep my eyes open.

I knew there had been a wedding and guests were still present. A woman came into the bedroom and snuggled up next to me. I assumed she was one of the guests.

I turned to look at her but did not recognize her at all. She had long, flowing dirty blonde hair and was a bit chubby. She appeared to be fairly young but she had been crying so it was hard to tell. I asked her why she was crying and she said, “You didn’t help me.” I tried to tell her that I would have helped had I known she needed it but she would not listen.

Then I was back with my classmates discussing the rocks we picked up. We continued the discussion of the warring nations of a long forgotten Earth (my last dream). The rocks were to be carved into pendants. The two crystal cubes I found were especially special. I inspected one for some time. I don’t remember now why they were special.

Then I noticed one of my guides standing in the shadows. He was holding in his hand one of the pendants made from a mineral or rock whose name now eludes me. I remember discussing the name at length, too! Anyway, he showed me this pendant made from this mineral. It was red with splotches of a dark brown on it and very pretty. It had been cut extremely thin and was quite beautiful. He put the pendant on the necklace and then said, “Look. What happens?” He put the necklace onto something I could not see so that it hung down like a pendulum. The pendulum began to swing on its own in very wide, clockwise circles.

I knew instantly what was happening. “It is pointing to True North” I said.

Dream: Prison

I was then in a totally different scene. I was inside what appeared to be a large communal area but it was obvious right away that it was a prison.

I was sitting at a table with a girl who was trying to do an easy algebra problem. I knew she could solve it and encouraged her to teach the others how to do it. She refused and ran away, nervous to stand in front of everyone. I decided to teach them because, well, that is what I do and I had no fear of any of it.

I began to show them but most had no knowledge of the basic algebraic rules (negative plus negative equals positive and other rules). I remember looking for a textbook to show them but none was available. The other inmates began to lose interest because they did not have the background knowledge needed to keep up with my lesson. I saw them gather into small groups.

I remember giving up and going to the tall, chain link fence that surrounded the prion. It was at least 10 feet tall, maybe higher. I kicked it a few times. It made a strange noise and I knew it was electrified.

Then I went to sit next to one of the inmates, an older man. I remember being in a very chipper mood. He had a bowl of oatmeal in front of him and I grabbed his spoon. He looked at me like, “What are you doing?” I said, “Oh, I’m sorry, can I borrow your spoon?” I put the spoon back because he looked annoyed. Then he just got up and walked away leaving me there all alone.

I went up to another inmate, a woman. Still very happy, I attempted to start a conversation with her. She ignored me.

Suddenly I felt very, very alone and sad. I turned around and began to sob into my hands. My thoughts were, “Nobody is listening to me. I just want someone to talk to. I feel so alone.” I felt hands on both my shoulders that pulled me into an embrace. I cried so hard it woke me up.

I continued to cry after waking. This song was going through my head, specifically the part “killing me softly”:

Talk with my Guide

After crying for a little while I asked my guide, “Why is this [emotional release] happening again?” He said to me, “You are listening.” It didn’t help.

Then all my dreams from the night came together and I knew that I had been following a false north. I knew that I was suppose to be doing what I had been doing in the prison dream. This is not necessarily being a “teacher”, but sharing my knowledge, my Light. Like in the dream, though, not everyone is ready for it and most do not have the background knowledge needed for my lessons to make sense. They are not ready.

I was told, “Those who are ready will listen.” But it seems like no one is listening, like no one is ready. I was reassured that some are listening. “Your job is to share your Light, your experiences. You teach to those ready to learn.” This didn’t make me feel any better. I feel like an utter failure, like no one is ready. On top of all that, what I am, what I “teach”, only makes me that much more separate from everyone else. Thus, I feel utterly and painfully alone. No amount of trying to fit in will eliminate that loneliness. I am stuck with it.

I remember Jeb had told me he would make me feel better. This is a weird way to go about it.