Tag Archives: Messages

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Chapter 2

Sleep was difficult to come by yesterday. I kept being woken up by my children and when I slept it was very light and restless. I have very little recollection of my dreams except for a few distinguishing points. I also received some messages relevant to my future and this blog.

Summer 2016

Prior to my first rude awakening by screaming children, I had been in a dream receiving information via a yearly forecast. The forecast was for 2016 and a man was reading it aloud to me. I was following along, reading the text and could see that the forecast was part of a woman’s blog, but I don’t know whose.

He read aloud, “It is going to be a hot summer in Texas this year – brutally HOT.” With this, I received knowing about what this meant. I saw a repeat of the past occurring on top of the current year. It was like overlapping timelines. The first occurrence was brutal in and of itself, though I did not receive specifics as to what past summer it was. The second was like a doubling of the same energy. I am not certain what exactly the word “hot” symbolizes. Could it be a sexual reference? Or does is referring to an actual heat wave which would not be out of the ordinary for Texas? Whatever it means I feel it is a warning of things to come and am not sure I like the feel of it.

Socked Feet

I had an in-depth dream that lasted half of the night at least. In it, I recall walking into a bathroom and seeing my brother-in-law in the shower. His body was covered so all I could see were his feet. But oddly he was wearing socks on them! I remember saying to his wife, “Does your husband always wear socks when he showers?”

This is the second time I have seen socked feet. The first time they were my own feet. Very peculiar!

The Goat Will Bite You

The last dream I had was the most concerning to me. In it my husband had invited a woman into our house. She was young and pretty with short, dark hair. She appeared to be in her mid-twenties and had the body of a supermodel. She stayed with us for a while and I remember being cautious about the situation.

My husband’s demeanor changed completely while she was there. He was very nice and courteous. The thing that bothered me was that he called her, “Darling” and “Sweetie” and other names that made me gag. I confronted him on it and he just laughed. I finally told him she had to go or he could get out permanently. I was not mad but irritated at him at letting this woman into our home.

At this point I went outside and saw that I was at my mom’s house. She has a large pool in the back yard and it was there in front of me nearly empty of water. Inside of it and climbing around was a small group of goats. I ran up to them yelling, “Get out of here!” I waved my hands at them and watched as some moved but none really got out of the pool. I felt sad at this; like a failure.

When I woke my first thought was about the goats and I was reminded of an OBE I had a very long time ago. I was told twice in the OBE, “The goat will bite you.” This OBE was so long ago it was on my old blog and I never could figure out it’s meaning. Now, here it is, in my face again.

Everything I read suggests that goats symbolize sexual desire and lechery. They can also symbolize bad judgement and gullibility. Could it be that that OBE so long ago could have been warning me of something about to happen this summer? I truly hope that I don’t become overcome with sexual desire. I am really no good at controlling myself in such situations.

Messages

I had a couple of messages come through. Prior to bed, and then again when waking, I received the message that I need to consider a blog change. This is not a new consideration – I started considering a change in May 2014. I stopped posting in my Blogger blog a while back and now feel it may be time to do so with this blog. It does not necessarily mean this blog will go away, my Blogger one is still active, just that I may need to create a new blog. This blog has so many posts and categories that it can be overwhelming and difficult to navigate. I also feel like I will be moving into a new type of writing – channeling perhaps? I am not sure. It just feels like this blog’s time is running out. Don’t worry, I will let you all know when it’s time for the change. 🙂

The other message was more direct and came early this morning. I heard, “Chapter 2” and saw a staircase above me indicating a total of 7 chapters. When I saw this, I remembered a dream I had in December, Chapter 1 of 7. I knew I had reached the next “chapter”. I then heard, “You will stop at 5.” I asked for clarification and heard that when I reached 5 I would be “whole” and ready. Ready for what? I don’t even want to know anymore. I hope it doesn’t have to do with the goat dream. LOL

 

 

 

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As You Like It

I had an odd feeling all day yesterday. It first began as a mild sadness that I quickly resolved by cleaning my entire house. When I clean it is like meditation and yesterday was no different. I quickly understood where my sadness originated from and so it dissipated somewhat. However, it left behind a strange feeling, one that I have had many times before. These feelings often indicate something is about to happen in my life. In other words, the feeling is a premonition of things to come; a warning.

It was late evening when understanding of what the premonition was about came to fruition. My husband and I had a long discussion about our marriage. It was a calm discussion with both of us confronting certain things that needed working on. I had little to say, though. The words just didn’t come and the conversation ended with my husband leaving, which is the opposite of what usually happens.

I went to bed feeling unsettled and oddly empty inside. I just could not contact any emotion and so felt something must be wrong with me. My Team was very difficult to contact and I noticed a distinct lack of the energy of my Companion. Where was he? I was told that he was within me. I accepted this and understood it to mean he is the closest ever to me right now. Is this a good thing? Bad thing? I don’t know for sure and when I settle in my heart space I feel only a warm solidness.

Dream: Rosalind

I asked for clarification prior to bed and was able to fall asleep easily centered in my heart space.

I found myself in my mom’s house standing by the fireplace with a man and young girl. I was fiddling with something at my feet and heard a noise on the fireplace mantel. I looked up and saw a small train on a track. I saw it go around once and then pressed the button to stop it. I remember being alarmed about the train, as if it was a bad omen.

I then looked at my feet and saw that a clock had fallen off the wall. I picked it up and checked to make sure it was not broken. It wasn’t and so I placed it back on the wall. I remember it was a grand clock with wood trim and that both hands were on the 12.

At this time the man and young girl were discussing a name to research. The name was Rosalind. I began to look up the name on a screen that just appeared in front of me. A long list of movies, plays and other connections to the name came up. I remember thinking there was no way I would ever find the Rosalind we were looking for. The man had found what he was looking for, though, and showed me his screen. I looked and saw the name written very largely. The man  and girl were very happy. I was confused and woke up.

Interpretation

When I awoke I still had the weird feeling I had the day before but this time it was accompanied by the sadness. I thought of the dream and wondered what it was about. My first thought was that the train was symbolic of the karma train I had previously dreamed about. The clock must represent time and the 12 is symbolic of letting go of the “old” and bringing in the “new”. But who was Rosalind?

I looked it up online and came up with two options. One is the character Rosalind in As You Like It. The other is Rosalind Franklin, a molecular biologist who “was responsible for much of the research and discovery work that led to the understanding of the structure of deoxyribonucleic acid, DNA.”

As far as I can tell by reading about the character and the person, Rosalind, it appears the major similarity is that both stepped outside the traditional role of women, taking on masculine-type roles in order to reach their goals. I don’t recall ever seeing the play, As You Like It, other than maybe the One Act Play version which I think I saw in high school while I was competing with my One Act Play group. Since my memory is rusty it may be time to watch the play and see this character in action. Maybe then my dream will make more sense.

Songs

When I woke I had two songs going through my head at different times. The first was Cold Play’s, The Scientist. The lyrics that were repeating through my head were, “Oh take me back to the start”.

The other song was Blank Space, specific lyrics, “I’ve got a blank space, baby, and I’ll write your name.”

Both songs don’t necessarily leave me with a warm and fuzzy feeling.

 

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Visiting Truth or Consequences

I slept like the dead last night. lol I always feel rejuvenated and energized after a night of astral projection, lucid dreaming, etc., but the night before last must have exhausted my physical body. That’s okay. I didn’t expect any intense journeying. My Team always gives me processing time – or usually anyway.

Dream: Visiting Truth or Consequences 

I had numerous dreams but won’t focus on them. I am hearing ever increasing from my Team that dreams “don’t matter”. This I am also hearing more and more about my past lives. “Focus on the past leaves a part of you there and you need all of You that you can get right now”. Good point!

I want to briefly go over a dream I had right before waking. In it, I was traveling along along a path with a crew of hardy-looking workers. They looked like miners, with suits and helmets the color of a golden yellow. I was the only woman.

When we arrived at the construction site I suddenly realized I had missed my destination. I asked one, “Did you pass through the town of Truth? It’s a very small town, hardly noticeable.”

He responded gruffly and with some confusion, “I don’t know ma’am.” I looked back down the path and saw the other crew members arriving. I looked at the site which resembled a very large factory of some sort with smoke rising out of tall chimneys.

I turned around and walked back, happy and skipping along like a child. I noticed that as I walked the narrow dirt path became a newly paved, asphalt road that spread for many lanes on either side of me. Yet I was the only one on it. I began to run-skip along the road, finding my travel very smooth and accelerated beyond normal human ability. I was skip-flying and it was fantastic.

I reached my destination and found myself jumping along an intricately wooden path. I was upside down but didn’t recognize it as such. I thought I was just on a strange road.

I jumped down to ground level and saw a man who was very, very good looking. He left and his secretary was there. I asked, “Is it just me or is he really, really hot?” She said,”Yeah, very hot.” I said, “I would hate to work for him! I wouldn’t get anything done!” With that, I got a complete overview of the man’s life then and there. It was like a dream within a dream. I saw he was a daddy of two little ones. I saw his wife as well and that she was not happy. He was completely dedicated, trying his best to fulfill his role. Very admirable.

The woman pointed to the ceiling at a pair of white tennis shoes and said, “Looks like you forgot your shoes up there.” I saw them and thought, “How did I do that?”

Then I was approached by another man who knew I was a certified teacher. He asked me if there was any way I would consider teaching 6th grade. He didn’t care what subject, he just needed a teacher and was willing to offer me anything I wanted. I told him I was unsure and needed to think about it. There was a feeling that they really needed my help and it was hard to resist.

Messages

When I woke I was very resistant. I knew what was being asked of me and was not willing to go there. One of my guides was attempting to get me to see why I should consider the option of returning to work. He kept asking me, “What do you plan on doing?” I kept staying, “I will stay at home and teach my kids. I don’t want to go back into the education system. It is horribly flawed.” He kept questioning me, and with each question came to me thoughts of what my future may hold – consequences of my different actions. I saw many paths – the path of staying home, the path of returning to work, the path of choosing a different career, etc. I saw how if I didn’t return to work that my certification would eventually expire. I thought of returning to school to get my LPC (I only have three classes remaining). All of the thoughts merged and created confusion. I said, “I don’t want to do any of it. I’m tired!”

I got up irritated and went down to have breakfast. My youngest came in to greet me and smiled up at me with such joy that it melted my heart. Such admiration and love – and all for me! In that moment all resistance melted away and I saw the message behind the dream and I knew what I needed to do.

Going With Truth

When I was being questioned this morning my resistance caused me to feel irritated. This is the “jagged” energy feeling of not being in the heart center. The consequences of which are initially irritation but the extreme can be extra “work” and taking a wrong path, one that is wrought with difficulty, sweat and tears (thus the construction crew I was with in my dream).

Resistance = Consequences

Once my resistance melted, I began to see a with new eyes and the idea of returning to work was no longer a bad idea. In fact, I felt completely open to it to the point of renewed interest. There was no doubt that I needed to return and work toward that return. I knew my next step was this. I had no doubt.

I began to try and think of why this route is coming up. Was it because I needed needed to bring in additional income? Was it to help a certain person? The questions increased until there was an interjection by my Team, a feeling of “let it be”. I had to Trust my truth. The reasons behind this new direction were inconsequential. To try and figure out “why” was pointless and a trap of the mind/Ego.

I have to trust my Truth.

There came to me the memory of how I was asked to leave my last job. I could see now why I had to leave. There was no way I could have gone through the spiritual acceleration in December while being at work. The past month required all my attention and much rest. Work would have complicated it. So simple, yet had I not listened to my heart and had the courage to follow it who knows might have happened.

The reasons we are led down certain paths are not necessarily the ones we think they are. There is a higher purpose for it and it’s always for the greater good.

Trust.

Truth or Consequences. We choose.

My Next Step

So now I am to focus on 3D. I let it slip over the last few months. Now I need to get back on track. Focus on my business, update my resume, be on the lookout for career opportunities. My intention now is to look for another school counseling position for the coming school year (Fall, 2016). This may or may not result in actually getting a job. I don’t really care if it does. My instructions are to be open to it, to prepare for it. OK. In the meanwhile I will put more effort into building my on-line business, which is doing well but could do better. I have been putting it off for too long.

3D things that are necessary. I have to live in two worlds. I can’t neglect one and expect the other to progress. Balance.

 

 

 

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Trust

After an exciting evening and early morning, I was finally able to fall asleep without crazy energy, visions and OBEs. I did still have some intense energy shooting through me which I soon found was easily calmed simply by focusing on my heart. I fell asleep centered in my heart.

Dream: Meteor Shower

I was in a parking lot at a college somewhere. It was very late at night and I had just finished reading a long email from someone who read my blog. The email was lengthy – at least four or five pages – and the man was from Germany and telling me his whole life story. I don’t remember his name now, but in the dream as I read the email I heard him speaking to me. He told me he was 44 years old, dark skinned and kept to himself and he was looking to work with others like himself living in one of four continents. I remember thinking he was a little too intense for me and laughing quietly to myself as I realized he was coming onto me.

At this point something caught my eye and I looked up and saw a massive meteor shower. Dozens of meteors streaked across the sky in a brilliant display of light. I was in awe. A young couple walked by and I pointed it out to them. They were a bit nervous as I was in the shadows and seemed to jump out at them. I just laughed and kept watching.

This was when a vivid image of a comet came into my mind. It was not part of the dream. It was just there and startled me awake.

Interpretation

When I awoke the comet vision was very much ingrained in my mind. On top of that, I was still feeling intense energy coursing through my body. This energy was similar to vibrations one feels when about to go OOB but more intense. I also had intense crown and third-eye activity along with some high heart and throat chakra buzzing.

I find the dream interesting because I feel I was actually talking to someone while in my dream. Could be he was an old friend or someone who astral projects or dream walks. Whoever he was, he was nice but a bit to the extreme. The energy was extremely intense and pushy but it was flattering.

Then I saw the meteor shower and the dream symbolism is that the dreamer is having romantic thoughts and/or idealistic notions. This just makes me laugh out loud, especially since I saw the brilliant comet right after. Comets indicate the dreamer needs to move on and free themselves from emotional and physical burdens. Touche!

Trust

It took me an entire day to write up as much as I could about my experiences last night and early this morning. There is more – so much more – but I am not sure telling it would help anyone or make much sense. Instead I will say that my Team came through with flying colors. Whatever they did for me during the night completely eradicated the “split” feeling I have been struggling with for the past five or six days. I have never been pushed to such an extreme in my life and really thought I was going to have to somehow just learn to live with what was happening to me. But when I woke this morning the split feeling was just….gone. I feel completely back to normal and freed from that inner hell. I had a marvelous day and have been feeling sublime. So wonderful!

In considering what exactly my Team did that shifted everything for me, I realized it had to do with Trust. That is it. So simple. I was in my heart space, but instead of just allowing the feelings and trusting their divine purpose, I ignored the knowingness and flat out went into fear. Somehow, through all my guided OOB lessons, I was shown how to trust the feelings and knowingness I found in my heart. So very, very important because in trusting the heart you trust that it will lead you exactly where you are suppose to be and that is the most freeing feeling ever.

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Hypnagogia and Guided Visions

After laying wide awake for some time, I finally pleaded to my guide for help. Amazingly, my mind slowed and I began to calm substantially within seconds of my request. I could not get comfortable on my side for some reason and so lay on my back and drifted into the in-between.

Hypnagogia and Guided Visions/Travel

I don’t know how long I was in-between before I began to notice what seemed like millions upon millions of tiny, green, opalescent bubbles in my vision. They were moving upward and made me think of being under water looking up at bubbles as they rose to the surface. I could feel my crown and third-eye wide open and felt subtle vibrations. Instantly alerted to being in the trance state, I did not react but waited calmly and observed. This is an usual reaction for me. Usually I get very excited and screw it all up!

As often happens when I become the observer, the bubbles dissipated and a white tunnel of light opened up in the center of my vision. I could feel my body buzzing and shifting and it occurred to me that I could exit my body, but I hesitated and chose not to. I felt I should just continue to observe.

In the tunnel I saw a plain white bedroom or studio apartment. If I focused too much on it, it would fade away, so I looked through it without focusing on any one thing. The tunnel expanded to fill my entire vision except for a sliver on either side. It was still circular and I watched as the picture inside began to move as if I were looking around with binoculars.

I watched the bedroom for a while, struggling to maintain my vision and perception. I managed pretty well because I was able to see the entire apartment. It was all draped in white and I wondered whose it was. I heard a response, “It’s yours”. The response did not surprise me. I am never alone in these kinds of experiences.

The Anunnaki

The visual of the apartment was then replaced by a spectacular view of outer space. In the center of my vision was a large, dull, metallic spacecraft. It was very tall and appeared to have multiple stories. I saw windows stacked one on top of the other. They were small and rectangular and circled the entire craft. The craft was round in the center with perhaps 8-10 circular levels that spun around at different rates. The entire body of the craft was shaped like a tall trapezoid, the bottom being longer and wider than the top.

After seeing the details of the spacecraft a woman appeared in front of my vision. She was very beautiful, with long hair that appeared white or golden in color. She had a band around her head at the temple that had an emblem on it that I cannot recall now. The band itself was golden in color and the emblem blue and green. She had human facial features but was definitely not all human. Her skin was grayer than ours and had a blue tinge to it. Her eyes were larger and slanted upward. The rest of her looked completely human. She was wearing a white jumpsuit of some kind with a blue belt and was holding a silver rod of some kind in her hand that was taller than her by about two feet.

She smiled at me and said “Anunnaki.” I could see her lips move so she was not just a picture. I then heard a light voice in my head that said, “We are headed your way.” This time her lips did not move.

Then the visual darkened substantially and I saw words fly across my vision. I heard the words as I read them, “Great Galactic War”.

That is when I saw  more spacecraft. There were more than I could count and they were moving. These were darker in color and had many long sections. They resembled a caterpillar. There were other ones that were faster that looked like rods. The biggest was so large I wondered what it could possibly be used for. I heard a male voice say something but I can’t recall it now other than hearing, “Dark”. My memory here is that they were also headed this way.

I did not react to any of these visions and so was questioned. “Do you not believe what we are telling you?” I said, “I don’t know. It’s so easy to assume it is just a dream or a movie in my head. It would be better if I had solid proof.” The response I got back was a feeling more than an audible answer. I don’t think they liked my answer. lol

Bathroom Horror 

The visions left and I was overcome with almost violent surges of energy. My whole body felt to be jumping and my heart began to pound in my chest. I knew this was a normal part of the deep trance state, so I just remained calm.

I began to hear noises that sounded to be right next to me. I ignored them. Unfortunately, my vision was still active and a new scene was opening up in front of me. I saw the inside of a bathroom, specifically the bathtub with a shower curtain pulled to the right. I could see a window above and the tiny white tiles of the surround. A woman was hiding behind the white shower curtain and I could see blood streaks on the curtain where her hand was holding it across her body. I heard her crying and saying, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. Please don’t hurt me. I’m sorry….” This continued and was very, very loud. I felt as if I were right next to her in the scene and I did not want to be. Hearing her made me tense up and want to curl up in the fetal position. I identified with her. I felt that I was her.

I had past life memories pile one on top of the other and mentally called out to my guides to make it go away. Initially it did not let up and the moans from the woman continued. I was able to finally wrench myself away from the scene and open my eyes but my body was overcome with vibrations to the point that my teeth were chattering. I said to my guides, “That’s enough. I didn’t like that”.

I had difficulty going back to sleep after that. I felt I should have stayed with the scene of the woman and let it run its course. Instead, I panicked and pulled myself away from the scene. It is obvious to me that it was meant to remind me of my past lives, many of which I was beaten, raped and abused as a woman. I should have remained objective, but I couldn’t. Seems I got a tiny peek at what the next layer of the onion holds for me. 😦

 

 

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You Have to Learn Sometime

When I woke from the extensive OBE/lucid dream experience, I was buzzing with energy and could not go to sleep. John was there to help me understand just exactly why he led me through such a strange experience.

Follow the Heart

I was reminded of when I would leave the OBE and return to the in-between and asked why this happened. I knew that it was because I tried to take sole control of the experience – to do things my way. I was only allowed to stay or return to the experience when I aligned myself with my heart. This part of the experience was lost to me until John began to talk with me about it. I had not even noticed the change in vibration that accompanied my instant pull from the OBE.

In the OBE I was very obviously not alone and had to share control with John. If I didn’t, if I shifted out of the heart, then I lost the experience. I love to be OOB and so it was like a slap on the wrist every time I would return to the in-between. The difference in vibration was very noticeable when I looked back on it. I felt out of alignment. The energy almost jagged, seeming to jump haphazardly. When in alignment the energy was smooth.

It was then that John asked me to consider how my energy felt in the physical when I was not in alignment with my heart. I had an “ah-ha” moment here because I saw it very clearly – felt it very clearly. When not in the heart the energy has the same jaggedness. I am also not allowed to continue smoothly on my path. I am slowed, delayed. It is the same except in the physical there is an emotional component that makes it more difficult. It is much, much harder in the physical.

Messages

This is what I wrote down at 1am this morning.

John: This is a journey you agreed to. Many contracts. (I see the contracts burning up. Pages of them. Piles of them). This journey is not for the faint of heart.

Me: It hurts.

John: That is evident. Ego wants to be in control; to be safe. Heart trusts, knows control is an illusion. It is all trust. Source. You are being pulled where you are suppose to go. The pull is stronger depending on necessity and contracts involved. If the pull is intensely strong then there is a lot at stake. More will come. You are Remembering.

Me: I don’t want more of this. I can’t take it!

John: You have to learn sometime.

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Turning Point

Last night was one of the most powerful nights I have had in a long time. So much happened that I will have to break it up into at least three posts, maybe more.

Here is a quick overview of what occurred:

  1. Discussion with one of my assistants about what has been happening with me and why.
  2. 9:30-10:30m – Semi-lucid dream/OBE.
  3. 10:30-10:45pm – awake briefly
  4. 10:45-12:30am – Fully lucid, guided dream that turned OBE several times.
  5. 12:30-1:30am – Awake and discussing what was going on and why. Multiple messages. I got up and wrote it all down.
  6. 1:30-3:00am – Couldn’t sleep. Too much energy.
  7. 3:00-3:45am – Amazing hypnagogic imagery turned guided “travel” while I was still in my body.
  8. 4:00-5:30am – Finally slept but had intensely vivid dreams related to the night’s events.

Discussion

Though my day had gone well, I was still struggling with the split feeling I have had for several weeks now. I had been asking for help – to understand and handle this feeling – for some time. For some reason last night wast he night the explanation was given. Perhaps I was finally receptive?

One of my assistants predominated the conversation that began around 8:30pm. He explained that what was happening to me was purposeful and that they (my Team) had been preparing me for some time (over a year). He reminded me that I knew this (I did) but did not consciously want to accept it. He asked me to focus on my heart, which is getting easier and easier to do. When I did there was an overwhelming knowingness of what was happening and why. It was always there, of course, but my mind has been in overdrive, my Ego not willing to accept what was happening.

According to my guide, I am currently in the process of “connecting to Source”. This involves the shedding of multiple layers of what I will call “the old me”. I again saw the onion as an analogy. Each layer that comes off reveals more old stuff to be healed, transmuted, and integrated. It is painful (obviously!). He said about the process, “Acknowledge it. Trust it. Allow it to help you transition.” What I feel in my heart is the accumulation of lifetimes, and beyond that is divine connection to Source. The closer I get to the center (Source) the stronger the pull is from it. The heart is the ultimate compass. We are meant to live through the heart, following it, trusting it. We have lived through the mind for so long that we have forgotten what it feels like to follow the heart.

He said many times, “You are at a turning point”.

He instructed me many times to return to my heart center, which I did. Each time the obviousness of what my heart was telling me to do was overwhelming but I did not run from it. It is kind of funny to think anyone could run from their own heart anyway. lol

I asked to get to travel OOB and was told it was now possible because I was “stable”.

OBE: David Bowie

I very quickly realized I was OOB but I was not in full control. It was like my lucidity was purposefully muted. I didn’t care, though, because it has been so long since I have been OOB.

I spent most of this OBE moving into and settling into two different bodies. The first was my exact duplicate or counterpart, not the physical body I reside in while on Earth. I don’t know which aspect but it felt fairly solid. I felt the energy shift as I entered and assumed this body. It was like I put on clothing. I don’t recall anything specific about the energy other than recognizing it was very obviously feminine.

Then I entered a fairly dream-like state where my lucidity was much limited. I was with my guide and knew his name was John and that he was teaching me something about myself.

The next thing I remember is moving into yet another “body”. Again it felt fairly solid but this time it was most definitely male. I had less issue shifting into this body and then, while setting in, I saw very clearly a man just in front of me. When I saw him I instantly recognized him as David Bowie! He didn’t do anything but stare into the distance, so it was likely just a symbol I was being shown. But he was very vivid!

After seeing him I realized something about myself had changed. I had a bit of amnesia as to my gender. I had no clue what gender I was and I didn’t care. I felt whole and it was wonderful!

I felt my conscious mind take over, as if allowed control, and came suddenly into my body. I was confused and elated and a bit shocked about the whole experience. My mind was going a million miles an hour with questions. My body was extremely hot and there was an intense amount of energy coursing through me. I felt like a firecracker!

I was instructed to shut down my mind, and I did so quite quickly. I looked at the clock and saw that I had been asleep only an hour. Once I closed my eyes I entered the void immediately.

In considering this OBE I believe I was shifting into different energy bodies. I don’t which ones for sure, though. Whichever energy body I shifted into was one that did not identify with gender.

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Horse Symbolism

It has been a beautiful day today and I have been outside most all of it. Today I went to visit my mom as is my normal weekly routine. I do it because I love her but also because I feel I should – as if my time with her is limited and so I should make the most of it while I can.

While at my mom’s house I sat in the sun, absorbing it’s warmth as much as I could and watching the clouds fly past. It seemed like they were in a hurry to get somewhere. Their exuberance was appealing to me. I wish I was up there with them.

Here are some shots of the clouds today. I wish I had taken video now so you could see just how fast they were moving through the sky.

After tending to (and playing with) the chickens we caught the attention of the neighbors horses. My children and I spent most of the rest of our time there with the two horses, feeding them and petting them. They were so gentle, their muzzles so soft as they tried to find food in our empty hands or eat our hair. lol

I was especially drawn to the horses today for some reason. I see them every visit but don’t care much to communicate with or pet them. But today I wanted to get up close and hug one. The closest I got was to pet their faces and smell their horse smell. That was enough considering I really am afraid of them. Baby steps. 🙂

When we got home I was still thinking about the horses. I was reminded that I have had many, many encounters with horses in dreams and OBEs. A horse has even talked to me while OOB! lol It has been suggested by many others that horse is likely one of my totems and I tend to agree. I was obsessed with them as a child and use to draw pictures of wild mustangs constantly. Every picture I drew had either a horse or a unicorn in it. 🙂 Strangely, when in the presence of a horse I am often nervous and afraid of how big and powerful they are.

I know that horses symbolize freedom, especially the wild ones. Tame horses, on the other hand, tend to represent aspects of one’s personality that they keep confined.

Rather than write it all out, you can read about the horse here.

From what I can tell, it appears that I am being drawn to the horse at this time in my life to help me with some of the current challenges I am facing. I have been really struggling with the transformation or whatever it is that I am going through. I have never in my life experienced such a split within myself and it is painfully present at all times during the day. The only reprieve I get is while I sleep but it comes back as soon as I wake. I am learning to be in my heart space despite feeling this split and it is getting easier – er well maybe I am just getting use to it. There is guidance but it is limited because whatever is happening to me is something my Team cannot interfere with. From what I can tell, there is a mountain sized issue standing in my path and I don’t think I will be able to go around it this time. Makes me want to spew out every cuss word that exists.

Thinking I should have just gone over the fence and given that horse a hug now. Maybe it would have made me feel better? Or maybe it would have kicked the crap out of me. LOL

 

 

 

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Dream: Graduation Commencement

So yesterday, after a clear message that I needed to rest and recuperate from a very intense month of upgrades, energy acceleration and heart opening, I took time to relax and unwind in my own way. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day and I took advantage of it by being outside as much as I could. It helped immensely and I felt almost normal by the end of the day.

I recognized a definite shift in my energy at one point and before I had a chance to celebrate the return to “normalcy” my third-eye began to intensely buzz and energy quickly covered the entire crown of my head. With this came a very clear message, “Lightening bolt”. There was no missing the message. The feeling behind it was that there was more to come and it would be like a lightening bolt to me and my life.

I wondered aloud to my Team, “Hadn’t I just had a lightening bolt occur? If not, then what is this ‘lightening bolt’?” Worry quickly took over and just as suddenly I didn’t care. I told my Team, “Whatever happens, happens. I am so over all of this and I am sure I can handle whatever it is that life throws at me.”

I retreated to bed not long after succumbing to a physical and mental exhaustion that I had not noticed until that evening. It literally felt like the four weeks of intense change had left me an empty shell. Everything hurt down to an aching in my bones.

Dream: Graduation Commencement

I was discussing with my group (family) my upcoming graduation which I had somehow forgotten about. I was told I would be late if I didn’t hurry up. I was not happy about graduating. In fact, I felt totally disinterested and not at all excited. My group reminded me that I would be singing and giving a speech of some sort because of my class ranking. This made me nervous and I struggled to remember the words of the song. I remember saying, “But I have not even heard the song yet! How am I suppose to sing it if I haven’t rehearsed?” They reassured me that I already knew the song. I didn’t believe them.

As we approached the event hall I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of people in attendance. I said, “We are almost 2 hours early. Why are there already so many people here?” There were so many cars and people that I could not see past them! I remember the time was 6:40pm and the graduation did not start until 8.

Inside the event hall it was packed wall-to-wall with people. I wondered, “Why are there so many people here for such a small graduating class?” In my mind I confused the dream graduation with my own high school graduation of which there were only 35 graduates. The answer I received to my question was that the people attending were family of family of family ad infinitum.

Here the dream split off into many mini-dreams of which I won’t go into specific detail. There was a moment where I was married to a 70 year old man and in another I was discussing a pregnancy with a woman who resembled me and was very, very pregnant.

Interpretation

Graduation is always symbolic of transition and movement to a higher level. Forgetting about graduation indicates not being mentally prepared for the next level and subconsciously resisting. To me, singing represents a celebration within myself of my accomplishment and a rising of vibration. Singing always brings me joy. I seem to fear that I will not know the song so perhaps I am afraid of feeling joy?

The marriage to a 70 year old could indicate an upcoming death while the pregnancy indicates an upcoming birth. More transformation. Lightening bolt.

Messages

When I woke this morning I felt very calm and did not want to wake up. Sleep felt so good. Wonderful in fact. I felt like I had been asleep for a 100 years and I did not want the feeling to go away. Yet I was reminded upon waking that I had been recuperating and that my rest was nearly finished. What? I had hoped for a longer reprieve!

Before I could react fully and while still in-between I noticed I was not alone. My Companion was on my left and with him was another member of our Team. To my right, though, stood three brilliant white lights. They looked to me like white flames of energy. There was no body shape as I am use to seeing when I see energy beings. They looked like white fire. When I saw them I overflowed with hope and a longing to be with them. I mistakenly thought I they had come to take me Home and I was so ready to go with them. My Companion rudely interrupted and said very firmly, “No”. You can imagine my disappointment.

He told me, “They are here to help you”. I was upset, rightfully so. The urge to go with them was very strong and yet here I was being told I couldn’t go with them, or at least I couldn’t stay with them. They were likely the reason why when I woke up I felt so good. I felt rejuvenated and whole again. My heart didn’t hurt, my body didn’t hurt, I felt like I did before all the craziness of December hit me.

With the realization that I could not go Home yet, all the memory of my recent experiences came flooding back and hit me like a ton of bricks. Thankfully it was muted but it was enough that I began to feel again like I would die from the force of it. I asked, begged, to not have a repeat of it all.

I was then reminded of the past life I recently recalled. I feel like it may be time to go through it in more detail.

 

 

 

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Intervention

It has been a challenge navigating the last four or five days – well nearly the last month really. I have never in my life experienced such up’s and down’s and emotional intensity. This intensity started mid-December and does not seem to be letting up. It is almost painful for me to have such intensity of emotion. It makes me wonder if I have been navigating through this lifetime with an almost fully closed heart. Why else would I have not felt this before? How can I have been so emotionally closed off for so long? And what am I to do with this new openness? It is blissfully fantastic in one extreme and excruciatingly painful in another.

Honestly, I am struggling to deal with this new openness, especially the painful part. There has been an overflowing of emotion that should not be there, that feels alien or to belong to someone else. It is just there out of nowhere as if it were there all along. What a crazy, amazing thing to experience. There are no words!

With it comes a past life memory that just appeared. I don’t know when it was or really where it was, but it is vivid in all ways and the emotion linked to it is beyond intense. I can’t escape it so I just live it. Daily. The memory is still unfolding. When it does I will share it with you all.

Intervention

Everyone has their breaking point. I swear I’ve reached mine. I am so done with it all. I have been demanding to be let out of whatever contract(s) I signed. I have been angry and upset for four days straight now. I will go from a numb, almost calm sort of zombie-ness to an overflowing of emotion that stops me in my tracks. The up’s and down’s have to stop. NOW. I can’t live like this.

I recognized the gathering of my Team around me a couple of days ago. There has been healing in the night and very few dreams. The intensity of concern I feel from them makes me angry and sad and concerned. It makes my heart pull with a painful, stabbing intensity as well.

I was finally mentally able to focus on my guidance last night. One of my assistants was there who was energetically familiar to me. He gave me the name “Ken” and has been asking me questions and helping me process whatever it going on with me. My resistance to staying in my heart space was the first thing to be addressed. Oh crap is all I can say. It hurts there like nothing else and there is still an intense magnetic pull that is indescribable. I hate it and I love it at the same time. What confusion!

I was told to shut off my mind and just feel, so I did, and the intensity of the heart stabbing seemed to shoot right through my back at an angle that started at the High Heart and went into my solar plexus. There was no emotion, just a physical ache. I calmed substantially and fell asleep.

There are Choices, not Options

I startled awake at 3:30am from a vivid vision of the word, “Starseed”typed in boldface. I had a moment of confusion because I had just been dreaming about being at my mom’s house where a major ice and snow storm had shut everything down. It had gotten so cold that her chickens and even wild animals were freezing to death. When I woke an entire memory of intense discussions were seemingly placed in my mind as were vivid images of something not at all related to the cold dream I had just been in.

The vision that is most memorable was of the Earth’s sky changing from vivid blue to an ominous pale yellow color. The sky seemed to break apart, blasting outward and upward, and in broad daylight one could see the entire night sky. As I watched, thousands upon thousands of golden hued energy-people (souls?) began to ascend into the sky and blend with the yellow hues until they disappeared into the stars.

With this I remembered what occurred prior to this “rapture”. I had been discussing my Starseed origins with a small group of individuals. It was a serious talk, and one in which there was much upset, more on my part than theirs. In this discussion was my role as mother to my children, which I discussed in a previous post. There was also a discussion of all that has transpired up to this point in my life, though I cannot remember the specifics of it. I clearly recall being told, “There are choices, not options”. I saw that I could choose to shut off what has been happening with me. I could stop it. Permanently. But then I could not resume again. I would no longer see. I would no longer hear the call. It was clearly explained to me that this was not like last time when I shut down. This time it would be permanent. I would be left behind.

Of course, when I awoke I questioned all this. Hadn’t I already chosen to stay behind? Why then would it matter if I was left? In this I felt a sadness, a finality. Being left in this way was not the same. It was as if I would become deaf and blind to everything.

It was then explained to me that I had been given the opportunity to choose between Self and the Whole. I was told now is not the time to make decisions based upon selfish desires. I felt very much like I was being reprimanded here. This is why there are no “options” then? I choose to participate or I choose not to participate. That is it. There are no alternate routes.

I was reminded again of the egg within an egg dream I had not long ago. I saw the egg within as the Starseed, the innermost workings of me; the part of me connected to something more, something much bigger than myself. I could choose to let it lie dormant or allow it to hatch.

I was also reminded of a dream  I had in December, 2014. Something clicked and I just laughed at all the synchronicities involved.

Of the two choices I was given I must choose to participate. I am told it will only get more intense. I can’t say I am excited but it is better than being deaf and blind.