Many Projectors, especially those new to Human Design, get confused about the strategy of “wait for the invitation”. The way I interpret it is that if what I want to do involves another person then I need to wait for the invitation no matter what it is I want to do. With anything else there is no need to wait because it only really involves me.
Basically, we need to get agreement from others whenever we want to make an impact on others. If what we want to do really doesn’t impact anyone else, why would we need their agreement?
A simple example: When I was single and self-employed and I wanted to go on a road trip, I just did it. Along the way, if I needed something from someone else then it would need an invitation but most of the time that was just understood – hotels for example either have a room or don’t.
Now that I am married with three kids, a road trip requires agreement or else I just end up upsetting others and creating tension in the home.
Recently, I decided that buying an RV would provide me with the space and time alone I need whenever I need it (authority). I presented my idea (strategy) to my husband who is Manifesting Generator. He liked it and ran with the idea. I didn’t have to do anything and now I have a beautiful RV parked in my driveway! It took less than a week. No kidding!
When I was younger and still learning about how life worked for me (way before HD), I seemed to intuitively know that I needed help from others to get where I wanted in life. Direction was provided by my authority and my strategy kept me moving in that direction.
For example, I wanted to go to college but I didn’t have any motivation (energy) to stick with it (common with Projectors). While college might not seem like it requires agreement from others, it does if going to college requires help financially or otherwise. In my case, financial help as well as family support (in the form of energy) was a necessity. My mom, an Emotional Manifesting Generator (MG), pushed me through at the beginning and my ex-husband, also a MG, pushed me through to the end. The way they did this was that I would mention how college might not be good for me, etc., and they would advise me to persevere, that they believed in me and would help, and they did. Later, when I wanted to get my Master’s degree, my current husband (also an MG) also pushed me through to the end. He provided me with financial resources and encouragement while also helping take care of our kids. After discovering I was pregnant, I chose to quit (authority) rather than continuing on to get my LPC and needed no invitation to do so. It was my body and so I just ended my schooling at that point.
The jobs I’ve had have been similar in that my authority guided me and my strategy got me to where I wanted to go. If ever I doubted anything about a job, it usually turned out to be not such a good idea. It is just a feeling I get, like an uneasiness or questioning inside. The feeling stems from my authority, my internal compass, warning me that something isn’t quite right and I might be going “off course”. Sometimes it feels very wrong (can’t ignore that) and other times it is more like a “are your sure?” (minor detour ahead) an then later those jobs have been okay but intolerable over a period of time with many tough lessons pushing me to exit. The longer I resisted leaving the job, the more intolerable it would become.
The “intolerable” feeling manifests as bitterness in a Projector, but can be a wide range of feelings from depression, lack of interest and motivation, avoidance of others, to blame and frustration. Basically, all feelings that scream “get out of here” but we ignore because our mind tells us that we “need” a job, or “need” a person or situation to survive. When we ignore these feelings and listen to the Not-Self mind we are ignoring our authority and following invitations that are leading us nowhere. Simply put, we go “off course”.
The above examples show that invitations will come even if not in line with one’s authority. So, you should be selective! But the cool thing is that no matter what invitations you choose there really are no mistakes. Your authority will course correct and get you back on path and all detours are just lessons and growth; “signs” pointing you in the right direction.
Authority (Spleen, Solar Plexus, Heart, G-Center) is one’s internal compass and strategy (wait for the invitation) is the road map. If you listen to your authority and get out of your head you will get to your destination without incident.
This same advice applies to all other aura types. How you feel/connect with your authority will vary.
Yesterday I decided to take the plunge and get a one month pro subscription to Genetic Matrix. Genetic Matrix allows you to create charts and the pro subscription gives you all the options to include connection charts, sleep charts, family charts – even pet charts! As you can imagine, I’ve been having a blast because I so enjoy learning new things.
My Human Design
So much information to share! To some of you this will be a bit over your heads (and for me, too!) but it is still fascinating to me, so I wanted to share and provide you with what I have deciphered for myself thus far. I will include my intuitive takes, also, because, for me, I operate via my Knowing and then use the information to validate that Knowing.
From my notes:
Body: 6/2 Reflector
I resonate more with the Reflector profile than Projector because of all my open centers. Turns out I am not wrong and have many qualities of a Reflector.
Environment: Markets – Internal Someone who loves their work. So, when they find a job they enjoy it feels regenerative. Ideal work is: long-distance without a daily commute, over the internet, varies day-to-day. Needs to move about frequently regardless of where they are.
My considerations regarding environment/work: When I met my current husband I was at my second Body, Mind, Spirit Expo. I gave a lecture on Spirit Guides and was having a very successful weekend. At the time my idea was to do more expos across the state, slowly expanding until I was doing them across the U.S. It never happened because I chose to be with my husband and have a family. I now realize that at the time, I was following my Strategy and Authority, being pulled toward the type of work that suited me best in my ideal environment!
Current job is work-from-home. It is via the internet and gives me the freedom I need; however, it is not work I enjoy so it is not necessarily regenerative.
I am being observed in my environment rather than being the observer.
Environmental Theme: Hardscapes – Urban
Environmental Transference – Valleys – Narrow <—– Not-Self environment, the individual will often feel good here but in reality this environment is detrimental to their well-being. My reaction – I laughed because I was certain my environment was somewhere with lots of open space and thought of where my mom currently lives (in a valley). Of course I would think where my family resides would be good for me. Not so!
Market Environment: The Market theme is all about being selective about who/what is allowed into my life.
External Markets are bustling environments with a lot of people, and exchange of money/commerce, communication, and information. What makes the External Market special is that the individual with this Environment typically heads into the Market with a specific goal in mind – to buy a certain thing, find a certain person, etc. So, an ideal Market Environment would be one where the individual is benefitting from their exchanges with others, but they are very discerning about who they are interacting with to make sure they are getting what they want.
The Internal Market (my environment) is also a space of exchange – goods, information, energy. However, the Internal Market is an indoor or enclosed space that has been created so that the person with this Environment in their chart can invite people into their sacred space to congregate, exchange, and gather. These will be people that all share a common interest or goal. Source
Example Charts
Date of Uranus Opposition – 6 May 2019, 3/5 Emotional Manifesting Generator, Right Angle Cross (RAX) of the Sphinx
You are here to follow your own lead and be in the moment. You are transfixed by the now and your way of doing things. This self absorption is your individual contribution to the world. While it is not your intention to give others direction, you do. By following your heart and doing your own expressive thing, others can find direction through your example and will follow. Do your own thing and make sure it is your passion to your core.Source
Date of Chiron Return – 16 May 2027, 2/4 Emotional Projector, RAX Contagion 2
The energy of your Cross is to be a contributor through your individual effort. Your passion and expression of excitement is contagious and inspires others to follow your lead This energy means it is unlikely you will be the follower of others, at least not all the way. At some point, you will step out on your own to break new ground. When you do, it creates the energy for others to latch on to your ideas and catch the wave.
Sleep type – Reflector, no Earth plane
Example (below): Sleep Connection chart, me and my ex. I slept well with him in general, but every time he moved or made a sound I woke up. I struggled to fall asleep, which is common for me (Projectors have this issue because we have to release all the energy we’ve stored up from the day). I was taking antidepressants most of our relationship so I slept better and more deeply during this time. He also wasn’t home often so we slept apart quite a bit.
Considerations regarding sleep connections – Ex and current husband also Reflectors during sleep, but both have Earth plane. Wondering if this contributes to my difficulty sleeping with them? What my research indicates is that if both have a defined sacral then this would contribute to difficulty sleeping with them. When together, the sacral is highlighted, so perhaps this indicates the “why”.
Below are some more example charts to give you an idea of just how much you can on Genetic Matrix:
Foundation Keyword Chart, Gene Keys Chart, Foundation Chart – Godhead
In Part 2 I will go over specific connection charts to include family and individual relationships with partners (past and present), friends and my children.
Post featured image is my Life Cycle chart which clearly shows the three life stages of the 6/2, Role Model Hermit. The last phase begins at my Chiron Return and you can see that the 2/4 Emotional Projector type is listed. I am currently in the middle section, a 3/5 Emotional Manifesting Generator (gawd, no wonder!). lol See above Uranus Opposition chart for proof.
***I am exploring Human Design and learning through experimentation so the information in this post may not be completely accurate. Please feel free to correct any of my misconceptions if you are more familiar with HD.
The weekend before last I came down with a cold. I hadn’t been sick in over a year, so it was bound to happen. It started with a sore throat that lasted two days and then came the congestion, stopped up nose, and fatigue. My daughter was sick alongside me and my husband had had it a week before.
All of this coincided with the full moon and also I read that something was going on with Chiron (can’t remember exactly what). As a result of my cold and the energies I was not my best. I entered into a very negative place and I can get pretty negative, so it wasn’t fun for me or those I am closest to.
My thoughts centered around everything that was “wrong” with my life. I also had tons of self-doubt come to the surface along with memories of the past, specifically my heart connection and the devastation it caused as well as events that took place after. Many mornings I woke up wishing I would die and most nights I struggled to sleep.
Just this morning the energy has noticeably shifted. I feel much clearer and less negative. I also got a good, solid night’s sleep and my cold has finally run its full course.
Questions and Doubts
The main question that was plaguing me was, “Who am I?” I saw a pattern. In the past my guidance often seemed to lead me the “wrong way”. I felt betrayed. But then I also know that my guidance is just me, so anytime I was “mislead” it either was because of Ego interference or because I needed to learn a lesson (or both). So saying I can’t trust my guidance is the same as saying I can’t trust myself.
In attempting to answer the question “Who am I?” I began to look back at my life and those things I liked, preferences and such. I realized that most if not everything was borrowed from someone else. I would “try on” things that people I liked or loved enjoyed. In the end I would keep some but toss most. For example, my best friend in high schooled love acting and persuaded me to try it. I hated it but was good at it. The stage fright was the worst! After we parted ways I dropped acting and never did it again. I added to the list of “don’t likes”. Sadly, my “don’t like” list is much longer than my “like” list. Yet I keep borrowing things, over and over. I temporarily convince myself that I like something only to discover I never did and it was all wrong for me.
After a conversation with my husband about this, he said, “Doesn’t everyone do that?” I said, “No. Some people just know.” But really, do they?
I thought maybe it was related to my almost completely open/undefined HD. My husband is similar, so he probably borrowed lots from others, too. I wonder what it is like for those who are mostly defined? Do they just know? Does that mean they know themselves better than I do? The answer feels like it would be yes.
As a result of all my questioning, I keep being led back to my Human Design: Self-Projected Projector.
April 3rd
Here is what I wrote in my journal on April 3:
Yesterday, I watched an NDE account that really spoke to me. Well, my guidance/Team spoke to me but so did the woman in the video.
What was so real to me about this account was her specific experiences with her “teacher”. Not only did he appear like I’ve seen my teachers/guides, but her descriptions, reactions, feelings – everything – resonated deeply with me. What was especially noteworthy was her return and integration. Though she didn’t call what she experienced a “walk-in” that is what came to my mind. She was still herself, just an upgraded version, one that was deeply in touch with her HS, spirit, and Home. She retained that connection when she returned to her body and was able to live life in both worlds, shifting from one to the other as needed. It took her 8 years but slowly she rearranged her life so that it matched her truth.
When I was listening my guidance would come through. Sometimes I could hear words, other times I just felt deeply a Knowing that the time was upon me to do what this woman had done. I knew that my integration process was nearly complete. I had reintegrated into the walk-out’s life (former self), learning, observing, being that version despite many things feeling not quite right. I had made some significant changes along the way, but not all of them. Attachment had left one major decision hanging. I have fear of letting the people I love down, of being myself rather than who they wanted me to be. This is the exact message the woman in the video leaves the audience with in the end. She says that people are not really afraid of death, they are afraid of life and of living their truth – living authentically. This is because, in living our truth, we disappoint or let down those we love most. We don’t want to hurt them and so set aside what is best for ourselves to make them happy, to keep those we love comfortable. But in doing so we abandon and even lose ourselves along the way.
What she said deeply resonated with me to the point that I was left somewhat in awe. I Remembered and with that I recognized how this experience I have chosen, this life in this body, is a gift, one that I have been wasting because I don’t want to disappoint or upset those I love most.
Afterward, I went on long walk and had communication come through from my Team. It was subtle at first, like a whisper and feelings that bubbled to the surface of my consciousness. Ultimately, I noticed and some of what I was absorbing translated into words. I remember feeling this amazing feeling of being powerful and supported. It felt like the world is my oyster. I looked around me at the sky and world and thought how beautiful this world is and how many possibilities exist for me in it. I recognized that I feared creating what I wanted in this world because I worried it would be wrong, hurt someone or worse. My past experiences left me feeling I had hurt others and not been my best self. One of the things the woman in the video said is that she no longer judges herself. She becomes the observer (something I have been taught how to do) and so is able to move through life quite smoothly.
The day continued and most of this realization was put aside as I went through the motions of life. As night approached I could not sleep.
When I woke the next morning I was thinking of some things I had read in some posts in a FB group about my HD type – self-projected Projector (SPP). Not only did the creator of HD indicate that Projectors were not meant to be parents (but we can) but also that long-term relationships were not necessarily good for a Projector. My type specifically can end up feeling trapped and unable to free themselves from a relationship. Other SPP’s have indicated that they have similar patterns to myself when in a committed relationship. Here is an example:
I’ve realized today that in all my romantic relationships, I always feel the need to focus 100% on the connection. I do really love to guide people, with friendships I can keep a distance, but whenever I have a genuine deep connection that can evolve to a romantic relationship, that becomes my main focus in life. All my other goals go out of the window .I’ve thought for a long time I’m anxiously attached or codependent, but after focusing 100% on myself for more than a year and feeling absolutely blessed and being convinced I only need a relationship with myself, I don’t think that’s it.
Even more so, I get to see the relationship as my life’s work, a project that could bring me life lessons. And I stop directing energy to myself. It a OR me OR them situation. I can’t see it as a part of my life, it’s all or nothing. Could this be a Projector-thing? Does anyone recognize themselves in this?
When I read this post I was thinking, “That is me!” In both my marriages this has been the case. And the comments in the group indicate that I am not alone! There were some who had navigated successful marriages but most indicated they did better alone or in long-distance relationships where they had separate residences. The married ones said they only did well because their partner actively worked on themselves. Another who was married was contemplating divorce but indicated that love was not the issue.
So, it feels to me like the only way I am going to get any clarity on my life is to get away from the relationship I am in. I need to be apart from him, to return to living for myself so that I can get back in touch with myself.
Projectors Need Their Space
I have since been focusing on how I can create in my life more space for myself. I need a place apart from my family, one where I can be immersed in nature. A space where I am not overly influenced by my husband or children’s wants/needs all the time. I think if I can create a space like this for myself that I can in turn re-discover myself.
I spoke to my husband about my realization and he is supportive and wants to help me create this space. He would stay in our home with the kids and I would be in my space for as long or as little as I need. It could end up permanent and he accepts this as a possibility.
We are just in the brainstorming stage for the time being. The most obvious place to start is my family’s land in the country, the same land where our old house sits and where other family members, including my mom, now reside. There is a total of 47 acres so there is plenty of room! My mom is in the process of creating a spiritual retreat on this land. I have an idea of maybe building a cabin on this retreat land as a contribution to her vision. It would be like a donation to the space, so my husband and I would own “stock” in it. Though I haven’t presented the idea to her just yet, I think she will be open to it. Why wouldn’t she? A free cabin. They (my mom and step-dad) want to build cabins on it anyway. I could live there when I want, get my space and be in nature.
This may or may not pan out and that is okay.
To make it clear, my idea is not to shrug off all my responsibilities. The idea is to get enough space and time alone to get to a place where I can feel into myself and what I want without interference from others. With my tendency to take on others’ wants/desires/goals and put aside my own wants/desires/goals, I feel I need to do this. I don’t know how long it will take.
Is It Me? Or is it You?
The last main consideration I’ve had is in regards to my telepathic ability. In HD, those with a completely open head center, like I have, are capable of telepathy and this is true for me. I’ve experienced it all my life but only recently did I experience true telepathy. True telepathy goes beyond just knowing what another is thinking, it is the ability to communicate in real time with another via thought and emotion. It also includes the ability to share experiences, not just in present time but past and future.
Not long ago I met someone online who I discovered I could telepathically communicate with. It was amazing and I honestly have never met anyone like him. The connection remains and we seem to be able to turn it on or off at will.
The issue I’ve been running into lately is that I have cut ties with this person, yet I still feel the connection. I don’t know if I can dissolve it as it feels to exist beyond just this plane of existence. This person is able to purposefully communicate with me and I receive it. The most recent time (prior to my cutting ties) I didn’t know he was doing this and I thought I was losing my mind until he confessed that he had been purposefully sending communications. Yikes!
Considering my thoughts and feelings lately, I suspect more of this kind of communicating is going on. At first it created all kinds of self-doubt. Maybe I was wrong to cut ties? Maybe I should reconnect? There were feelings coming up, memories, ideas. This would happen out of the blue and then all would go quiet.
This morning I feel more clarity and am convinced that most if not all of my self-doubt stems from this communication, communication that is most definitely deliberate. I have decided to pay more attention to where the thoughts/feelings originate.
I am still in a bit of shock to think that such types of communication are a reality for me. It is easy to forget or assume it is not real. But it is real. Considering I am working on finding myself, getting my own space in order to re-discover myself, the last thing I need is someone trying to influence me from afar! How do you get space from that!?
Living Life in Between 