Below is a dream account from Nov 3rd that led to lucidity for the first time in a while.

Dream: Teaching Others

I can’t remember the beginning of the dream except that I was with a young man with brown beard that reminded me of a professor I had in college who taught Social Psychology. He and I walked into his classroom where it felt I was to assist.

He left me in charge briefly. I wasn’t concerned because I was only watching the students for a short time. Relaxed, I enjoyed observing them. However, two young black girls began fighting. One ripped the underwear off the other one and was running around with it. I intervened, grabbing the underwear which was quite dirty and crusty, and put myself between them. I sent another student to the office for help as I sat with them and discussed their behavior. I remember specifically asking if they would behave similarly in other situations like church, a store, etc. They seemed to understand and were remorseful. I was sympathetic and remember thinking, “They don’t know better.”

The teacher returned without help, the class dismissed and I stayed in the classroom. New students came in and with them a fellow classmate of mine who I haven’t seen in over 20yrs. I recognized her and called her by name. She hugged me and then kissed me on the lips, which was awkward but I didn’t think anymore about it. I looked up at her, she was always tall, but she was gigantic! I commented on her height and asked if she was over 7ft. She said, “No, but my sister is.” She asked how tall I was and I told her 5’6″. I felt like a dwarf in her presence. We got to talking about our lives and she said she had lived for a time in Yuma, AZ. I told her my life hadn’t been very significant. Then she left.

Another person I recognized came into the classroom. A woman who use to own the business my husband and his brother now own. She was in a tizzy and I wondered why, following her gaze. When I did, the room transformed and I was standing outside near a restaurant with lights strewn up around a shallow fountain and pond nearby. She was looking out at the pond so I did, too and saw her deceased father and mother. Her father was in the water and looked vibrant and healthy. I knew he was dead and shouldn’t be there and was astonished at how real he looked and that his wife was with him. He spoke to his daughter and his voice was the same as I recalled.

Then I shifted back to the classroom. I was standing near the door and my husband walked in. When I saw him I told him who I had just seen. I said, “It was SO real!” and burst into tears. While I was crying I heard a male voice whisper, “You are real.” The phrase was repeated a couple of times as I continued to cry before I shifted to yet another scene.

I was escorted into a very nice house. It was massive, like a castle, and made of white stone. Inside, I walked down wooden stairs that led to a quaint but modern kitchen and living area. It didn’t match the outside at all and appeared like any other middle class dwelling. There were others with me but I don’t recall them nor did I seem to know them well in the dream. I was more curious about my surroundings, looking at various items and ignoring the conversation going on around me. 

I found my way outside into a small patio garden and began walking down the stone pathway. It was sunny and warm with a light breeze. To my left was a beautiful flowering vine-like bush with purple flowers all over it. I paused, looking closely at one of the flowers. It was tiny and had yellow and white inside. I leaned in and thought, “I know I’m dreaming but I don’t want to wake up. I like this.” As I leaned in to smell the flower I heard, “Be careful. It’s sharp.” In my mind I saw that the end of the flower was sharp, like razor blades. Imagining the pain of being cut, I pulled back. 

Dreams Within the Dream

I don’t know if I woke up or what happened but it was like a memory of another dream came to me while within this dream. I was walking outside talking to someone about the honey bees I had been tending to. We walked by one hive hanging from a branch. I pointed out the bees to the other person and then directed them to another hive. As we drew close, one of the bees came near me. It was fat and black, not like a honeybee, and I instantly knew something was not right. I swatted it away and it became aggressive. It landed on my thumb. I looked at it very closely, inspecting it and watching it’s behavior. I saw it’s stinger aimed to sting me but I moved my hand out from under it. I remember saying, “This isn’t good. They have to go.” I believe I also said they had become “killer bees”.

Then I was walking along a street. Someone was yelling at me to look behind me. I turned and saw a black bear following me. I talked to it like it was a dog and turned to it to tell it to leave. It wouldn’t so I kicked it in the nose but not hard enough to hurt it. It whimpered and stopped. It was pretty big but I wasn’t afraid of it. Instead, I looked at it a while, appreciating its beauty.

The scene shifted and I watched a family by the pool. Another bear was there but it was super fat and lounging like a person. Worried for the family, I watched intently. A man, the father, interacted with it, tossing balls at it. He ended up playing a game with the bear to see who could kick the ball farthest across the pool. Each time the bear lost, it took a piece of a bear suit off. The first pieces that came off were the sock feet. The “bear” ended up being the man’s wife. He won the game and they lounged by the pool using the huge bear coat as a blanket and snuggling under it.

One of Life’s Lessons

I know I woke at some point because I remember talking to a guide. I think the above dreams within a dream were a result of that conversation. this guide said, as if a reminder, “Self-Restraint”. This woke me up and I wondered, “Is that my lesson?” It felt correct. 

This realization was agonizing to me, though. Ugh! I hated it. Yet in my mind images and memories came all at once. Some from this lifetime, some from other lifetimes. The end result was confirmation that self-restraint was something I’ve been working on for a long time. I am learning that just because I might want to do or say something, doesn’t mean I should. Some of the memories involved incidents that were awful, such as killing another for food or just because “I felt like it”. 

I remember returning from a life when I killed someone in a rage of jealousy and was also killed (a long, long time ago). When I got Home I was told, “You can’t just kill everyone that doesn’t agree with you.” LOL I remember feeling bad after that lifetime (a short one). I didn’t think, I just acted and it cost me my life. I went into other lives after that, but continued to struggle with impulse control. 

In this lifetime I’ve always hoped for a short life. I have no desire to drag this experience out until old age. In the past, I’ve thought about this on occasion. My conclusion was that my other lives were not very long, probably only making it to middle age at the most. In my memories of other lives that has been the case. I don’t typically die of old age. When I have died of old age, “old” was 40yrs old, such as the lifetime when I was cursed with a club foot and lived a very miserable existence, dying when I was an “old man”. 

Perhaps this is part of why I am currently struggling with deciding what it is I want in my future. I’ve lost interest in life almost completely. At times I feel like at any moment I am going to literally break – lose my mind in such a way as to lose sense of who, when, where I am. I am easily stressed by simple life events, so when a bigger event is added I really struggle to maintain composure.

For example, my youngest had an ortho appointment. He didn’t handle the last one well. He gagged and cried and we had to reschedule. It caused him so much upset and anxiety and it was absolutely horrible for me to watch and not be able to do anything to help him. At this appointment I sat across from him focused another point in the room. I closed my eyes and sent love and reassurance to him. All the while praying it will go well and telling myself it will be okay. It was and he did well (thankfully), but by the end of the day I stood in my kitchen thinking, “I don’t know how long I can do this [pretend everything is okay]”. I felt like I was going to crack right then and there. But I didn’t.

Life feels heavy and I am tired. 

Message: You Need Stimulation

I went in and out of the in-between, which hasn’t happened in quite some time. In one instance I was laying down, my bare leg stretched out in front of me. I had a metal object in my hand. It looked like a small massage tool. It had a handle and at the end was a rectangular cylinder with little bumps all over it. I was rolling this object up and down my thigh. It felt relaxing and pleasurable, like a sensual massage. As I massaged my leg I heard, “You need stimulation.” Of course, I immediately came out of my reverie. 

My understanding of the message is that life is not stimulating to me. I require more stimulation. My boredom and lack of interest is in part due to not having that stimulation. The problem is I have no idea what would be stimulating to me! All my old interests have faded away. When I think of returning to something that use to interest me I am no longer interested. Even in my dream, when I had the opportunity to take control of the dream and turn it into an OBE, I was not interested. Why? Whenever I go OBE I have no interest in exploring or searching or anything. I am bored with it now.

I am warned in the dream that remaining asleep (“I don’t want to wake up”) could hurt (“Be careful, it’s sharp.”). I don’t seem to care but I do stay away from the flower. Perhaps that reaction is symbolic of why I avoid the things I use to enjoy? I’ve learned that, in life, those things that are desirable are the things that hurt the most. 

I’ve gotten other messages via dreams lately indicating that I need to live life while I still have life. The messages encourage taking more risks. Would that be stimulating enough? Probably. Do I want to take a risk? Not really. Perhaps I’ve learned the self-restraint lesson too well?