Tag Archives: shift

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Residual Energies Linger and Infiltrate Exoconsciousness: Message from the Pleiadian High Council

Residual energies linger and infiltrate exoconsciousness. If you have not yet perceived the energies, you soon will and will be changed because of them. We strongly suggest you firmly ground and set your intentions, diverging not from your set course. It is safest now to remain within your own company though not always is this right for those of you expanding into your intended groups at this time. Take your guidance seriously as you are about to set a course that will overlay your life unlike ever before.

It is inherent in your nature to resist some of the life patterns and choices we have brought to you for your consideration. We encourage you to lay down your weapons, your defenses, against that which you do not understand. Rather than resist, open up and accept that which is new and unfamiliar to your Earth Self and allow your Inner Self to come forward and receive the New with open arms. The answers you are looking for will not always be forthcoming but trust that what you are given is in your intended plan and aligned with your purpose.

Situations are arising that demand the totality of your attention. You are not yet aware of these as we have imparted only a few with this knowledge thus far. However, as more become receptive, more will Remember and the puzzle will be pieced together to reveal a full picture of the Plan.

This Plan of which we speak is a highly organized and divergent path from that which has been the path of Earth for millions of years. As the energies of transformation descend upon the planet from other areas of the galaxy the ideal time for movement and expansion into higher levels of consciousness has presented itself. Thus, the Plan allows for the reorganization of Earth consciousness, alignment with the universal energies of light and love and elimination of the dark instigating forces that have thus ruled the planet during its stent through a zone previously impervious to our communications.

We understand this is a challenge. We understand you still struggle to free yourself from the constraints of a lifetime of illusion and delusional idiosyncrasies. Please be patient with this process; with yourself. You are loved, you are cherished and never are you alone. Ride the winds of change with open arms and acceptance for this will free you more than any doctrine or belief system ever could.

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Juxtaposition

There exists now a juxtaposition of the old and the new. The old is allowed to pilot the body while the new observes. There is an issuance of all that was the old to the new. In this way a sort of hands-on-training is taking effect until the new is ready to take the reins.

Today, I observed the body – its posture, sensations, and processes. I noted the uncomfortableness of the head which was held slightly forward rather than erect and in alignment with the spine. I was made aware of how to correct this and did so quickly ensuing great relief. It was then that I Remembered the next phase of the transfer process: realignment of and with the physical body.

My training has been slow and this is in part due to the unexpected loss of a member of my group. When she left the Earth realm and returned to Spirit prematurely there was a reverberation of all her experiences throughout each member of my group. Even those of us who are currently in physical bodies felt it, though some were aware of its source while others were not. As such, minute adjustments are being made to ensure the others of us in bodies are well prepared for such instances that may create similar circumstances for us. In any case, it is a difficult precursor to what lies ahead for us and one that creates a sort of solemnity.

For my recently activated Starseed brothers and sisters out there who are experiencing a similar transformation at this time, I ask that you be cautious of the effects your transformation has on the frail and easily influenced Ego. Question that which does not align with your heart center and purpose and quickly put it in check before it lays waste to your plans. We are here to serve humanity in accordance to the Plan (peace and prosperity for humankind). Some of us will excel by 3D standards and that is okay as it offers us that which we need to survive and fulfill our purpose here, but remember, we are not immune to the traps that exist while the Earth’s transition is taking place. Humility is key.

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Contract Negotiations

Written from the perspective of the Old.

Semi-Lucid Dream

Prior to sleep, I had been told that more negotiations would occur through the night, commencing at midnight. I woke at 1am to a terrible thunderstorm and when I returned to sleep I projected several times. I abandoned each projection upon reminding that it was only needed for check-in. It was then determined a semi-lucid state was best in order to protect the Ego-self from the brunt of the negotiations.

During the semi-lucid state I stood in front of a mirror talking to myself. Yet the visage in the mirror was not me, didn’t even resemble me. The image was of a bald, very pale individual with a strangely proportioned face. The eyes were almost normal, as were all the features, but it was obvious to me that this individual was not me nor was it human.

This otherworldly being spoke to me and we conversed about planetary events and my mission while visiting Earth. It was so foreign to me that despite being in a semi-lucid state, my Ego-self kept reacting and interfering with communication.

The dream then shifted to a classroom environment. On one side was a figure, the one who I had been talking to in the mirror. He (I will say He but really this being was androgynous) had in front of him pieces of paper with odd looking writing scribbled on them. There was cut pieces of dark hair strewn across the paper so I could not make out the symbols. I was told, “You are not allowed to see this yet”. I did not object. I was distracted by a group of children being attended to by a tall, dark haired male.

I went to the group, intent on doing my part and was told, “I have this, go meet with him”.

I then looked out the window and knew there would be a storm at 4:30pm the next day. I said, “There is going to be a storm at 4:30, good thing I only work until 3:30. Maybe I will leave early just to be safe”. I then turned back to the man at the table who was waiting for me.

I went over the man at the table and sat down in front of him. He put in front of me a very long piece of paper and we went over it together. I don’t remember the content of the sections now, but I do remember that the first two were quickly agreed upon, even though I was unfamiliar with a term used in the second. The third section, however, was about changes that would be made in my life. He explained, “You will be asked to do things that you would not normally do”. I asked, “Like what?” but he would not answer. I said, “Then no deal”.

I awoke knowing why I objected. The issue was my family. I objected to them being split apart and my current personality was dead set against that happening. It was discussed during briefing and put on hold for further consideration. I was not allowed to remember the discussion.

Contract Negotiations

The contract is not yet final and I remembered that the finalization period was set to occur the end of July this year. My memory instantly went to a dream I saw as precognitive at the time, though then I thought it meant my mother’s death. What it actually symbolized was my own “death” and it outlines the time-period specifically stating the 21st to the “end of July” which in the dream was explained as the time in which full transition would be made.

My other self then took over conversations with the being from my dream, who I realized was one of the members of my Council. It was explained that my old self was not yet ready to see him. Therefore, what was seen was created as an acceptable version to the old self.

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Starseed Activation

The Arcturian High Council, bringers of the light of Sirius, in accordance to the Plan, initiates activation of the Starseeds at monumental levels.

My activation has been initiated and is near completion. My memories are returning after years in stasis on a planet I now remember as Home Base. Memories are still returning, but I am not overwhelmed, nor am I afraid, nor am I nervous.

I am a Pleiadian Starseed. My home is Lyra.

My mission is to unite and bring together the Starseeds, both those who are currently being activated, who will be activated and who are already activated. I am not alone in this mission.

As I process my new memories and align them with the old ones, I will share my story with you. For now, I am leaving you with the above information so that you all are aware of what is occurring. The activation is in progress and near completion.

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Energy Swap vs Walk-In

There will be, for me and others as well, an energy swap that will occur and has already begun. I don’t understand it completely as the message was more feelings and images than words, but from what I can gather, I will be swapping energy with my guide (Higher Self) and this will occur in small increments throughout the week with a major event around the 21st.

Energy Swap, posted March 14, 2015

I understand more about what this means, now.

The 21st of this month was the major event I was warned about. I just realized it this morning because as I awoke I was surrounded by my Council and my HS told me, “Energy swap”. Upon hearing this, I looked up the post above and saw the 21st clear as day and remembered the OBE I had.

Amazing.

Energy Swap or Walk-In?

Since this experience on the 20th, I have been thinking about the walk-in phenomenon more and more often. This morning, when I received more communication, I was told by my Council that my Earth-self had made the decision to leave. I acknowledged this and did not argue it. I was told I needed to understand the repercussions of such a decision and that this is what we have been discussing during dreamtime. I recognized this to be true, also, as my dreams this last night had me waking sometimes wanting to stay and other times wanting to leave. I acknowledged a definite split existed within me on the decision and it made me feel uneasy and caused my Ego to protest. There was also a knowing that, at least in part, my HS wanted this, too.

The repercussions as explained to me were that I would have to make up for the two things that would be left undone if I left this body prematurely. These two “lessons” (for lack of a better word) would need to be continued later in a mature body, meaning I would have to live at least 20 years in the new body to again have the opportunity to learn them. Additionally, the two lessons would have to be learned in different lifetimes for the same reason as stated above as well as other reasons having to do with fluctuations occurring on the Earth timeline.

I recognized immediately this would mean that I would have to endure four more cycles instead of two. Ouch.

I stated matter-of-factly, “I don’t ever want to come back”.

“Understood but it will eventually be done”, was the reply.

And I knew why. This is not karma in the sense that we know it here on Earth. This is akin to duty. That is the closest word for it anyway. There is an intensely deep, permeating need to complete what we started.

Who can deny such a feeling, such a knowingness? Not me.

There is a complete rejection by the Ego here that causes the communication to be broken. It is a humiliating experience that I hate to admit occurred, but it did. It feels like a life-and-death struggle and is similar to a child throwing a tantrum. Behind all of this Ego interference is the obvious truth: a correction must be made and a decision.

The decision is not yet made but my HS is initiating a strategy that hopefully will assist me staying out my time in this body. From what I understand this is where the “energy swap” comes in.

A swap is not the same as a merging, that is obvious. Swap implies one thing is given in exchange for another. Is this the same as a walk-in? I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t care much if it is. That is how done I am. I can’t ignore that fact as it seems to be the driving force behind this “plight” I am in (this is in quotes because my Council referred to it as such).

The understanding I do have is that if this swap is accepted and completed, there will be no need for the additional two cycles.

Man, it sure does sound more and more like a walk-in.

Imagine waking up to all this. How would you react? Thankfully, I am reassured that nothing is set in stone, that a decision can be made or unmade at will and that nothing will be done without my permission. Funny to me, I keep being asked what would make me want to stay. I never know, which is weird to me. I feel totally and utterly done with and detached from this life.

I will say to you all, if you are following my blog and my story, if this is a walk-in phenomenon, expect to see evidence of it as it occurs. It was explained to me that it will be done gradually and with full awareness intact for both the inflow and outflow. Whatever that means.

I will still be here, nonetheless, to relay the experience.

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The Next Step – Message from the High Council

We are pleased that you are seeking our guidance during this time of acclimation and sublimation. We understand your interest and willingness to participate in your transformation. We assure you all is well and your recovery from the recent inflow of energy is complete.

Instructions will be given. Your patience is appreciated as is your diligence in this matter. We have come to the aid of many in the past century and this aid is increasing as ever more serious matters are coming into play. The world wars of the past have nothing in comparison with the strife that mankind can and will embark upon if driven to the brink of insanity and insanity is what many experience who resist the changes and charges entering the human energy field at this time.

All hope is not lost, never is it lost when there is heart in the human soul. Dissension and abrasiveness continues to plague many nations in politics, in society and in all things social in nature. This is part of the plan, of the game that we are playing toward the betterment of mankind. The dice will roll, the moves will be made and the ultimate choices are left to each individual as to what they will do with what they are given.

This, too, is your plight or may we say plot as this is much better a word to describe the actions with which you will move this body of yours and assist others along their own paths. Serious you may be but seriousness does nothing but bitter make you especially when the unforeseen sideswipes you from your path, seeming to detour you into other unknown realms. Be it known that it is wise to take precautions but it is not incumbent for you. It is much better and so it is advised that you follow the moment, follow your heart and allow your soul to guide you, trusting the way ahead is the one you are meant to travel.

Many questions you have asked, will ask and will continue to ask. The tendency to use the mind to analyze and take apart this thing or that will only lead you into stagnant waters. The new paradigm awaits you. The new path is through the heart, not the mind. It is through the heart that you will find your answers. They are without words but alive with feeling. These, these are the truth you seek. Nothing else will satiate your thirst. Be advised of this when next you find your mind filled with questions that culminate in more questions that culminate in circular answers. Science and thorough analysis can only take mankind so far.

This is the next step for you. Trust your heart. Learn to break the habits of the mind. This is uncharted territory for you and you will fumble as you fall victim to the traps of the mind. It is okay. With persistence you will succeed to assist others in similar endeavors.

The next uninitiated communication you will receive from us will come during the passing by Earth of a great meteor shower. Until then, we ask that you be patient and remain centered in your heart. Your mind, your Ego, does not like idleness. You must continue to teach it how to be silent.

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OBE: Meeting Myself

For the first time in years I could not fall asleep last night. The download I received caused a trickle-down effect that had me overcome with both mental and physical energy. My entire body was alive with energy that seemed to hit me in pulses. Though not as intense as pre-OBE vibrations, they were noticeable enough to add to my restlessness. I also had tons of energy around my head, behind my head and at my crown.

Gentle Encouragement

at 1:30am I was finally fed up and threw a pillow across the room in frustration. I have session today and need sleep, so it was really bothering me that I may have to skip exploring more of my past lives. My frustration must have called my Higher Self because I heard a gentle voice remind me that I didn’t need as much sleep now and advised me to meditate. So I calmed down, propped up my pillows and attempted to meditate. However, my mind was buzzing and I could not calm so I had to do progressive muscle relaxation a couple of times.

OBE: Meeting Myself

The progressive muscle technique must have worked because the next thing I know I am inside a car looking up at a woman who is driving. I was suddenly fully aware that I was dreaming and fully aware that I was looking at myself driving. I said to myself, “You are dreaming”. She/I looked at me quizzically and kept driving, replying that she was not sure I was right. She gripped the steering wheel and I stood up and pointed to the sunroof. I began to climb up as I said, “See, watch”. I poked my head up out of the sunroof and felt the wind as it swept over my face and upper body. I could see the night sky and smell the air. Soon, the me driving, popped her head up and did the same. She laughed and closed her eyes.

Now no one was driving the car.

I turned to her and said, “You are me!” and she said, “Yes! And you are me!”. We both laughed and I found that I could take the perceptive of each Me without issue. I seemed neither more one or the other. There was a feeling of homecoming that is hard to describe and I had so much joy at this reunion that the moment will forever be locked in my memory. The cool air on my face, the brilliant night sky and my best friend, other half, Higher Self, sharing it with me.

The car continued on its own for some time and we enjoyed each others company. Then it headed off the road and toward a cliff. It went over the cliff and tumbled off into a lake far below. We both prepared to hit the dark water. I felt the water as I hit it and it seemed like I dropped forever, deeper and deeper into the abyss. I could sense the other me still in the car and disengaging later. I yelled out to her, “It will be okay. Keep swimming. Keep swimming toward the surface. We will get there!”. At this time there was a surreal feeling of the two of us becoming one with the stronger, braver of us being like a cheerleader and guide to the other part of us. Yet we were one.

I felt the panic of my other half but remained calm and continued to encourage her. My breathing was labored as I kept reminding myself that I could breathe under this water. It felt like forever as I forced myself to breathe and kept encouraging her/myself to keep swimming upward.

Finally we made it to the surface and jumped/hopped out of the water onto the bank. Here there was a moment where the me from this body was mesmerized by the other me. She was exactly like me in every detail. She told me, “Yes, we are the same. We are one.” She said other things, in fact we had an entire conversation here. I was over the moon with happiness and she was clearly pleased that this moment had occurred. There was no more fear about the walk-in information I had received.

There was a dream between this experience and the next, but I will not recount it. I was told by my HS that I needed to purge the worry and so had the dream.

OBE: Portal and Lessons

The next thing I recall is being with my HS walking down city streets. The city was seemed cartoon-ish and larger than life. There was a name for it but I don’t remember it now. It started with a “P” and sounded like Padmium.

We talked for some time about what was happening. I was shocked at how easily I transferred my consciousness into this experience. She told me I would get use to it.

At one point I wanted to fly. She told me, “We can’t do that here. We are practicing and it needs to be similar to the physical experience”. I nodded and then said, “Well, can we find a portal to somewhere else?” She said, “Yes, I know of one”.

Since we couldn’t fly, my HS created large toy cars and we got onto one and began to speed down the streets. I don’t recall the portal but somehow we ended up standing near a concrete lined waterway, talking.

My HS was now a transparent ball in my hands but was still talking to me. I practiced making the ball/me larger and succeeded, the now balloon-sized ball floated upward and sparkled with life from the inside. I experienced pure joy in this and the entire time we talking about how she, my HS, could teach me how to master skills I had. There was talk of manifestation among other things.

This OBE lasted many hours and seemed to stretch on and on. Many times I touched my sleeping body, probed it as if to satisfy my curiosity about this new experience. I shifted in and out with ease and was told this was something I would practice and that it would be used during daytime awareness as well. I was fascinated. Dream experiences during the day? It was beginning to seem possible.

At one point I met my Team and I entered a dream to do this. I was told later the names of the members who I identified as “the fat one and the thin one”. The fat one was Ron and the skinny one was Dave. I remembered Dave. I was told there would be many more meetings with them and that there were five, but I already knew that.

I then chose to end the OBE. I was worried I would not remember it all, which has proven to be true. There are so many pieces missing, so many in-depth conversations with my HS. But when I awoke I was, still am, connected in a way that I have yet to be in this life.

Conversation Afterward

My HS continued to talk to me and we practiced me staying in the in-between (easy really) because this is the ideal meeting place. She reassured me that it will be easy, this transformation, merging, walk-in. She said, “There is only one problem”. I said, “What?” She said, “You don’t want to stay”. I knew this to be true and said, “I have wanted that all my life”. We discussed this problem at some length and she explained how she could help, how we could work together to fix it.

I asked my HS her name and she said, “Athena” (Ath-in-a not the traditional pronunciation). She then gave me the rest of her name in another language that sounded German but wasn’t. It was impressive and familiar. Wow. I heard it clearly and she told me, “We will talk more”.

I fell back to sleep a few times without going OOB but am still wired with energy. I was OOB for three hours but feel completely rested. This merging process is awesome!

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Sudden Download

Today has been different from the past few weeks. Based upon what happened, I believe that my “break” or acclimation or whatever it is, is coming to an end.

Strange Symptoms

A couple of days ago, not long after I wrote my last symptom update, I had a odd sensation right behind my right ear. It was actually pretty painful and felt like I had been wearing a headband too tight for too long. I reached up to touch it and it was sensitive to the touch, too. I thought it odd and kept touching it, feeling where the sensitivity started and stopped. It was almost identical to where a headband would touch but I had not been wearing headbands for some time.

Only a few minutes later the pain had vanished and has not returned. However, a strong band of energy formed from ear to ear and around the back of my head. It comes and goes in intensity but remains today.

Then, today, as I was walking to meet a student, both of my legs began to feel weird. They felt rubbery and weak, as if I had just run a very long distance. I became worried and suddenly feared I would fall down and not be able to get up. I had a flash of what might happen, acknowledged it and it went away. Then I had a weird thought come into my mind. It was simply, “Walk in”. Not long after, the rubbery feeling vanished.

Sudden Download

For a while now I have been almost without idle thoughts throughout my day. When alone, I often zone out or think of the previous night’s dreams, but not much else. Today started out no different but after the weak, rubbery leg event I began to have that familiar feeling of time slowing down and me being in slow-motion.

For about half of the work day I had this feeling and shrugged it off thinking I must be tired. I have not had the feeling in so long I figured it was a fluke. But when I got on the highway to head home, it came on with much more intensity. I felt the familiar opening up of my crown and a sensation of being expanded beyond my body, wide-open and receiving.

It was then that many of the dreams I have been having began to link together and form a message. Added to this was songs and other thoughts that have randomly come into my mind, such as the song “Lightning Strike“, the words “walk in” and the phrase “Are you going to love me when I’m gone?” that is part of a song. I don’t recall exactly how it all fell together but I suddenly knew what was happening and felt frozen in the midst of receiving this message. I was unable to mentally process the information but a feeling of knowingness was present. A part of me was very nervous and had to be calmed a few times. I think it helped that I was not mentally analyzing what I received as it would likely only cause more nervousness.

I got stuck in a 45 minute snail paced traffic jam during this download. I doubt it was a coincidence!

I have felt urged to write everything down from the minute this download occurred.

sunriseOdd Thoughts

Now, hours later, I am able to process what was received a little better. I keep hearing the term “walk in” and, though I am somewhat familiar with the term, I had to look it up again. At first, I felt a very strong pull in my third chakra along with a nervous apprehension when I heard the term. Now I no longer have that response as I know it simply means that a part of me will step aside and let another part of me in. Thus my recent dream of giving up the reins of my horse to a much better, more experienced me.

It was explained to me, or rather I was reminded, that preparation for this next step was complete (this was the last few weeks of blah, deep sleep and lack of connection I felt). The knowingness that flooded me made me worry about my physical body and I am still not 100% certain of the meaning behind it. I had a memory of reading that sometimes when a walk-in occurs the individual becomes sick or has a sudden trauma that precipitates the final merging. I don’t know if this memory was meant to remind me of my own plans or not but it sure makes sense considering how stubborn I am and the massive fear that comes with the thought of letting go. Oddly, right at the moment I thought of this, the traffic suddenly stopped and I was forced to slam on my breaks and was hit with a huge adrenaline rush. I also began to experience a pain in my stomach akin to menstrual cramps, but I am nowhere near that time of the month.

I continued to think of the memory of what I had read and how the person is completely different afterward. I began to have thoughts of what it might be like. An entire scenario of how the new me would come in quietly and then begin to slowly reject people and situations in my life and how that might be interpreted. I felt like my husband would be discarded because he didn’t “match”. It all was very weird but what is even stranger is that I did not reject this possibility.

The fearful part of me, of course, worried I would be “gone”, but the knowing part of me understood this to be false. The old me would be absorbed and united with the other part.

The whole experience has me a bit overwhelmed with uncertainty, but I keep remembering that I am happy to have this happen. I am ready to “go”. It sounds morbid maybe, but that is the part of me that thinks of this as “death”.

I honestly don’t know how to describe my feelings right now or from the past few weeks. I don’t feel like myself, that is for sure.

Any help from the experienced is appreciated. I feel way out of my element here.

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Giving Up the Reins

I had a profound dream last night. It was one of many dreams. I feel I was on the brink of lucidity most of the evening.

Giving Up the Reins

I was at a gathering that was similar to a stock yard show or rodeo in its look and feel. I was standing near an arena that had a high, metal fence, watching people get onto their horses only to either be thrown off or successfully “tame” them. It appeared that the rider would cause their horse to go out of control purposefully. The goal was to regain control with both horse and rider safe, sound, calm and controlled.

I was aware that I was to be in this competition, too. I was standing next to this bay mare. She was spectacular and stood taller than me. She would nuzzle me occasionally and I would reach up and pet her, stroking her dark mane. I was very comfortable with her, which is unlike me both in reality and in most of my dreams. I am typically nervous around large horses.

I felt ill prepared for this competition and was discussing it with someone who I did not see but who seemed to change from male to female and then back again. We were discussing how I felt about going into the ring. I remember saying, “This is my first time. I don’t know if I can do it”. We discussed my options, one of which was to let someone else take my place.

At one point the decision became heart wrenching for some reason. I was particularly fond of my horse and did not want someone else handling her, much less taking her into the ring where she, too, had never been. It was at this point that I saw who would be taking over. She was a champion and had already successfully won several competitions. She was set to win this one, too, and had just completed her turn with top scores. She was tall, slender, and had long, flowing blonde hair. Her blue eyes sparkled and she appeared to know me and sympathize with my situation.

Emotion welled up from deep within me as I made my decision. I handed her the reins and said, “Ok. You can take over”. My whole body shook with grief at this decision as the blonde gracefully accepted the reins and prepared to mount my horse. There was a dark haired, shorter woman, standing beside the blonde who seemed disappointed. She said, “I guess I won’t be placing today”. I realized she had been set to win second place but now that the blonde was going to compete in my place, this other woman would be third.

Reflection

I awoke from this dream crying and knowing a decision had been made. I immediately recognized the horse to be me, my body and Ego, in this physical incarnation. I saw myself in this dream as the me I have always been in this life – a mixture of nature versus nurture to put it simply. It appeared to me that the goal here was to get “horse”- my Ego and body – under control in a way that I had not yet done. I was nervous, which is to be expected, and did not feel I could do it being it would be my first time. I was consulting with my guides and my Higher Self. I recognized, upon waking, that I had agreed to let my Higher Self take over. I am not sure why this was such a difficult decision. Perhaps I feel like a failure not being able to do this on my own? Or perhaps it is my affinity to my human form?

This could be my Ego reacting to this decision, but this decision feels very final. I was asked upon waking, “Are you okay with this decision?” and I immediately answered, “Yes”. The images and thoughts in my mind at this time were of me leaving behind this life and all its connections and experiences to return to the peace and rejuvenation of the Other Side. I was completely, 100%, ready to do so. I heard in response, “We will help you. It will be easy”.

I am completely calm this morning. Though I have not yet completely computed the experience in my mind, my heart knows this was a turning point.

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Symptom Update: Restoring Balance

Once again I am updating my symptoms, this time because I was prompted by a message from my guide that balance needed to be restored.

Current Symptoms

  • Upper back ache
  • Stiff neck
  • Visual phenomenon (will explain)
  • Ear ringing, tones and other odd sounds
  • Buzzing energy around back of head, third eye and heart
  • Feeling spiritually disconnected
  • Restless sleep with vivid dreams
  • Lack of motivation

The most difficult part of my current symptoms is feeling a spiritual disconnection. I understand this is necessary and that much is occurring during my sleep, but it is an unsettling feeling and I find it hard to find my balanced center.

The visual phenomenon has been going on for some time. The only way I can describe it is as seeing things, usually people, superimposed upon this physical reality. For example, I was talking to my daughter yesterday and I swear I saw a baby where her arm should have been, but when I looked down there was nothing there. I recognized this other being as a baby, saw it clear as day nearly naked and full sized, yet it was not there when I focused on what I saw. Other examples are that I will see individuals standing next to or over a part of a person I am talking to as I am doing mundane things. Sometimes these visual phenomenon surprise me.  Once I saw a tall man and I instantly thought someone was in my house who should not be there. I am getting more use to it now so I am not quite so shocked. So far, none of them have tried to communicate with me.

The other odd change has been to the tonal ringing in my ears. I am pretty use to hearing the tones now. The sound typically gets louder as I begin to fall asleep at night. However, the other night the tone is my ears got so intensely loud and began to sound ominous, like a deep, rattling machine sound. I began to think, “If it gets any louder I don’t know if I can take it”. When I thought this, the tone began to fade out and sound more “normal”. I have only had that sound once but the ringing sound is changing during the day, too. It no longer sounds like a tone but more like a “shshsh” or hissing sound, like the static of a radio. I have heard the radio static sound before when I had my first awakening. I only heard it when in meditation or in the in-between, not during the day. So it coming during the day is a bit alarming to me. The changes in sound go hand-in-hand with the visual phenomenon which has me wondering if perhaps these beings are trying to communicate with me?

Finally, I am the complete opposite of motivated right now. I just want to lay down and stare at the ceiling or close my eyes. I spent the whole weekend in such a daze. I knew I had to get stuff done though and finally forced myself to go grocery shopping and cook dinner. Even at work I am struggling to do what needs to be done.

I am told that balance is being restored and I suspect that my lack of motivation and disconnection is part of this process. There are way worse symptoms I could have so I am grateful that I am sleeping through the worst of it.