Tag Archives: sleep paralysis

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Dreams – Lost, Attacked and Reviewing Life Decisions

The geomagnetic storm continued through the night and is currently still in the yellow. Though I am not experiencing any physical symptoms – feeling super good actually – my sleep was majorly affected. We had a massive thunderstorm move through Central Texas last night around 2am. It sounded like a hurricane outside the winds were so high. I couldn’t get back to sleep after it woke me up and when I did I had weird, even scary, dreams that kept waking me up afterward.

Dream: Lost and Attacked

The dream began inside my old middle school, in a classroom that was my homeroom in 7th grade. There was a teacher who was also my peer telling me that she had to take a teaching job to pay off her $40k student debt. I was shocked that she had gotten so into debt from college. I counted myself blessed to have only had to pay off an $8k debt and told her about how my sister and her husband wracked up $30k in debt because they used the loans to live off of.

At some point the woman left and I sat in the teacher’s desk looking at books on a shelf behind it. One was a dream dictionary focusing specifically on anxiety dream symbolism. Curious, I flipped through the book and read through the examples of different anxiety dreams and how they manifested. One particular dream type associated with anxiety dreams were guide-led dreams where there was direct interaction and/or communication with one or more guides. I read it and said to my guidance, “Those kinds of dreams account for more than half of my dreams.” Then I thought about it and said to them, “But I’m not typically anxious, especially right now.”

I should have seen this reference as a clue of what was to come. Ha!

The next thing I know I am driving along city streets in my old SUV.  I hear a familiar song playing and the words, “Everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine.” Looking ahead I seem to know where I am going and am focused and reassured. However, the road soon begins to look unfamiliar to me. Did I miss my turn? I saw the road ended ahead of me. There was a barricade marked with a big red X. I didn’t know what else to do but keep going so I went into the parking lot the road ended at. It was the parking lot of a college campus I think, but it was very dark and no lights were on.

I park my car but am completely confused. I don’t know where I am and when I try to think about how I got there I can’t recall anything. It’s like my mind is wiped clean. I begin to walk toward one of the buildings but it is unfamiliar and this worries me. For a brief moment I am reassured that all will be okay. I have a car, and my phone….wait a minute, where is my phone? I look down at my purse and it is not there. I think, “I must have left it in the car.” Then I think, “Where is my car? I don’t remember where I parked it?” Then I stop and can’t figure out where I am or how I got where I am despite just being in the hallway of the college building I entered.

I remember being afraid that I was losing my mind. It seems that my memory is wiped clean every few minutes. I decide to head back to the parking lot to find my car but cannot recall how I got where I was inside the building and then panic that I won’t be able to get out.  I walk outside and look at the street sign. I think I am on 6th Street but the sign has another name I can’t even read. I panic again, look for my phone, see it is missing and then freak because I can’t recall where I parked my car.

Somehow I manage to make my way back to the parking lot but it is unfamiliar and not the one I think I parked my car in. I walked by several people. I am frantic. Nothing is familiar and my car is nowhere. I see the parking attendant who is shutting the lights off for the parking lot. I walk up to her in a panic saying, “I can’t find my car. I can’t remember how I got here. I don’t know what to do. Please help me.” I repeat this over and over like a crazy person. The attendant takes me by the elbow and walks with me saying, “It’s okay. I can help you.” People walking past look at me like I’m crazy or sick.

Then I am laying in bed in my old bedroom at my mom’s house. I am still panicked and I feel someone standing to my left. I can’t see them, they are like a shadow, but I sense them and can mentally see their outline. I try to move away from them by shifting to my right but they bend over and grab hold of me. This terrifies me and I keep trying to pull away but I can’t move. I feel frozen and still feel hands on me. The hands seem to be pushing, though, not pulling. I begin to feel the person is negative and try to recite the Lord’s Prayer for protection but I can’t remember it and forget it mid-way. I am reminded of my recent amnesia and begin to despair. What is happening to me? Why can’t I remember anything? A male voice says to me, “You said you wanted to never have to work again. Now you’ll have that.” Is he making a joke? I said, “I don’t want to be like this all the time!” I heard back, “It won’t be all the time, just every once in a while.” I was not having that either and tried to pull away again. The hands seemed heavier and my body was still frozen.

Then I thought, “Maybe this person is not bad. Maybe I should stop resisting.” I relaxed my body. The hands remained firmly upon me. I tried to move my body, willing it with every ounce of my being, but I was paralyzed. Then I thought, “Maybe this person is trying to wake me up?”

And I woke up, my body jerking as I willed it to move.

When I woke up I was a bit startled but unafraid. I could feel the energy of the person from my dream still on my left. I tried to communicate with him but got no response, yet I knew he was not bad. Then I felt there were three more beings huddled over me, really close. I said, “What is happening to me?” They said, “You are breaking.” I didn’t understand. They did not communicate anything else to me, just remained standing over me.

lostDream: Get Out!

I was watching my ex-husband getting into a flat bed semi-truck loaded with large logs/lumber. He was leaving and I was not going with him. What is strange is that a man put a rag into the gas tank opening and connected it to an open canister of diesel. I remember thinking he was crazy as it would surely blow up the truck.

There was a discussion with a woman then about my ex separating from his current wife. The woman said, “She will be leaving a good thing (meaning money) like you did. Don’t you regret losing that kind of security?” I thought about it and said, “No. You can buy and buy all you want but it won’t make you happy. I could have stayed and had all the money I ever wanted. I could have done lots of things with that money, but I wouldn’t have been happy. I would have been miserable, maybe even killed myself. It’s not worth it.” There was discussion about leaving my current husband and the drawbacks of it being similar. To be secure versus being happy. Which is better?

Then the scene shifted and I was inside a home standing in front of a bed. I saw two of my children in it and went to get them. My mother-in-law was there and got super angry at me and yelled at me, “Get out of here! I don’t want you in here. Get out!” I told her I was just trying to get my kids out of her space so she could get some sleep. She was furious and ranting and raving so I left. My husband came in and began to defend her and scolded me for purposefully trying to upset her. I felt all the negative energy and tried to get away from it.

When I woke up a song was going through my head – Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall. The part that kept repeating was, “Suddenly I see, this is what I wanna be. Suddenly I see, why the hell it means so much to me….She makes me feel like I could be a tower, a big strong tower. The power to be, the power to give, the power to see, yeah, yeah.”

Considerations

The first dream, although confusing and scary, did not cause me to wake in fear or panic. I suspect I experienced a bit of sleep paralysis. I was very lucid toward the end but couldn’t move my body. The person pushing me was likely trying to wake me up and I wonder if it was the OOB version of me doing it. Hmmm.

I was a bit concerned when I awoke but not freaking out. The message, “You are breaking” bothers me. I wonder if my guidance meant “break” or “brake”. Am I stopping hard, as in “brake”? Or is this some kind of “break” – as in malfunctioning or maybe a vacation? Not sure but it was a strange message.

I am certain I was confronting some of my fears. Fear of going crazy, fear of disassociation, mental issues such as amnesia or dementia. The memory loss was very real and upsetting. I would not want to experience it as my waking reality, that’s for sure! My main focus was on getting back home in the dream so I was probably also confronting my inability to get home (as in spiritual home) because of memory loss.

The second dream was odd and I suspect I was sorting through past decisions from this life. Lumber indicates a fresh start in life is needed. When I woke up I was thinking about my ex-husband and kicking myself for not agreeing to half of his retirement in the divorce agreement. lol As his first wife I could have claimed it but I chose not to because we were only married 5 years and I didn’t see how I deserved to get money he would be working 20+ years to earn. There is some regret at the loss of the income/security I left behind, but I did not love him and would have been miserable if I had stayed. Every time I consider that life decision I do not regret it.

I’m not sure what the song is all about. Perhaps I am seeing a version of myself that is strong and capable – the power to be, give and see?

 

 

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Sleep Paralysis and ET Encounter

Yesterday’s energy was flat and ominous at times. I realized that the “ominous” feeling came on when I was too much in my mind and focusing outward. I tend to do this out of habit – probing my environment for clues of where the feeling originates. My guides reminded me to settle in my heart. When I did, the ominous feeling muted and there was calm.

This mini-lesson taught me just how much I tend to focus upon the future. Always looking ahead. There is nothing wrong with anticipating future events if you can avoid dwelling on them. That is my problem. I stay in the future instead of pulling myself back to present. This is especially true now when my guidance is quiet 99% of the time.

Prior to sleep, I requested once again to be allowed to remember what was going on while I slept. This was granted. Just to be on the safe side, I took B6 to make sure I remembered more of my dreams and hoping for an OBE.

Lucide Dream and Sleep Paralysis Episode

At bedtime it began to rain pretty hard. This lasted well into the night. I struggle to fall asleep when there is thunder and lightening, often drifting in the in-between for long periods between booms of thunder. This particular night was no exception but something odd occurred. Maybe it was B6 or the intention to remember, but I kept feeling a strange energy come over my body. With the feeling was an awareness of an on-going conversation with my Companion about the soul exchange. I kept interrupting myself saying to my Companion things like, “I am ready” and “I trust you”. With each statement the energy would envelop me, coming on strongly from the center of my back. At its peak, the energy encapsulated me completely and I felt like I was inside the center of a flower bud; “petals” of energy softly cradling me inside.

Usually my awareness would pull me out of these episodes with a start. There was a smidgen of fear every time. How frustrating that the fear is still there after so, so many similar energetic experiences!

Lucid Dream

At one point I entered into a semi-lucid dream. I was inside an unfamiliar house with my children. There was a storm and I could hear the rain pelting the roof. I tried to turn on the light, but the electricity must have been out because it would not turn on. In the dark I could see outlines of the kitchen. Everything had a glowing white aura.

There was a feeling of impending doom that made me nervous. As I headed out of the kitchen, I heard a loud, crackling followed by an electric buzzing. The buzzing got louder and I looked up because it seemed to be coming from above my head. That’s when I saw a tiny, neon-blue colored sphere about the size of a fist. It began to circle around my head. At that time, a hissing noise started to accompany the buzzing. It sounded similar to the release of an air brake but the sound would draw out with a long “hissssss”. I connected all of this to an E.T. encounter for some reason and thought for sure They had come to collect me.

The sounds were so audible, the visuals so vivid and my rising fear so palpable that I suddenly realized and thought, “This is NOT real!”

Sleep Paralysis

Instantly I was propelled into my sleeping body with quite a bit of force, but the sounds and visuals did not dissipate. Instead, they grew more intense and I had to remind myself that I had just been OOB and all was well and normal. My heart was pounding in my chest so hard, though, and there was a strange energy pushing into my back at heart level, that I struggled to calm down.

In my visual field the hypnagogia turned on and there was a message written over and over on millions of tiny, rectangles. The message was, “I love you”. When I recognized the message the rectangles turned into circles and began to rise in my visual field like bubbles. I remembered not to focus on them and tried to focus on my heart and breathing, but this was nearly impossible because my entire body felt wrong. My back felt like it was arching uncomfortably and the energy pouring into my heart center was chaotic and almost painful. It felt as if I was being torn apart. There was also a strange energy around my head that felt wrong.

And I was afraid. Not terrified. Afraid and getting it under control when there suddenly appeared in front of my vision, face-to-face with me, a woman….errr female. Her gender was very obvious for some reason but she did not look human. Her face would fade in and out but when I saw her she had slanted, black eyes that were parallel to each other and almost touched on the very top of her head.

She looked like an insect. A praying mantis.

I suddenly knew I was on board a craft and she was sitting across from me. My fear was gone. Completely. There was a sense that someone was to my left. My guide. I said to him, “I’m ready if you are.”

That’s when the energy sensations pulled me back to awareness of my body. My back still felt to be arching uncomfortably and I knew I was in sleep paralysis. Heart still pounding I got control of it all and was able to slowly come out of it.

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First Ever Sleep Paralysis Experience

Sometime in the middle of the night, I became acutely aware of a presence in my room. It felt huge and loomed in the corner near the window. I didn’t really care that it was there at first, until the weird noises and odd energy sensations began.

I was awake but drowsy and so when I heard the noise, a loud, “Bang!”, on the window seeming to come from the outside rather than the inside, I didn’t really startle. Yet the noise was loud enough to cause me concern and I began to think there must be a Spirit playing jokes on me. Spirits like that were usually of the Earthbound sort and I didn’t want to deal with any of that. So, I decided to surround myself in white light and ask for protection.

I started to drift off and then felt this huge push of energy from my right. It was so powerful that I felt my body shift and I worried I would fall off the bed. Again, I didn’t really startle, just wondered, “What was that?”

I must not really have been that worried about all of the weird things going on because I again began to fall asleep. This time, the energy came from above my head. It felt like a huge, mass of something and it literally shoved my entire body several inches down toward the foot of the bed. This did startle me. What the hell?

I again began to ask for protection and searched the room mentally for the perpetrator. I saw/sensed no one.

My lower body felt weird. My legs felt three times their size and my torso was dead feeling, almost numb. My upper body was not so bad, but I felt stuck in the position I was in, laying on my back with one arm over my head.

It was while I was noticing how my body felt that I heard someone say something. It was a effeminate voice and it said, “Her tissues are ready for insertion”. This really concerned me and I wondered, “Is it E.T.s doing this? Am I being abducted? Are they “working” on me?” I felt very uneasy about this, yet at the same time I felt safe.

Before I could panic a thought entered my mind, “This is sleep paralysis”.

Sudden clarity hit me. Oh, so this is what sleep paralysis feels like?

Part of me didn’t believe it but all the symptoms fit. I never have had any concern about sleep paralysis and even upon the recognition that I was experiencing it right then, I didn’t. I was a bit worried still about this presence but eventually just moved my arm and rolled over.

My guide said to me then, “You will project”. I didn’t care one way or the other. I was still a bit concerned that I had been pushed down my bed. In actuality, it was my astral body that was pushed, not me, but it sure felt real!

I ended up projecting three times after that.