Tag Archives: Spirit guide

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Guide Initiated OBEs

Have I told you lately just how much I love OBEs? Or how much I adore my guides? Well if not, I just did. My Team is awesome, even if they do laugh at me sometimes.

The night was eventful but I will start after I woke at 3:00am to one of my guides trying to get me to talk about following my heart and being my true Self. I was too tired to talk and so tried to ignore him. That didn’t work. Obviously.

OBE 1: Someone’s Behind Me

I had been in a lucid dream before I woke up in the dream and took over. The reason I woke up in the dream was because I heard someone talking to me and also because when I walked back through a normal size door, it shrunk to the size of a dog door and I barely squeezed through.

I could hear my guide and though I don’t recall what we were discussing there is memory here of going outside of the school I had been in. When we went outside it was a beautiful night and the stars were so brilliant that I was stunned by them. I remember seeing a city sprawled out in front of me. It was reminiscent of something out of a story book with older buildings and narrow streets of cobblestone. I remember there was a clock tower and a bridge.

I recall on of my children being with me temporarily during this OBE. I was showing them how to fly but at one point I remember making the decision to leave them behind. This, I feel, is significant for me. Usually, if one of my children is in my OBE, I make sure to bring them with me. When I made the choice to leave my child behind, the presence of my guide became very apparent.

At some point I became so absolutely joy-filled from the experience that I remember completely surrendering to my guide. With that, I felt myself going up towards the stars and then I floated there for a while, immersed in their brilliant light and taking in the scenery of the city from a position high above it. I felt someone gently nudging me forward so I felt around – behind me, on both sides – no one. Yet I knew he was there. I felt him nudge me! Then I began to move up, up, up and I thought, “I’m going to go into space.” I was all for it, but then I was held back by invisible hands. With that, my vision began to darken and I felt myself come into my sleeping body.

My main memories of this OBE are the feeling and the clarity of my vision. Both were spectacular.

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OBE: Here I Am

When I felt my body all I wanted to do was return to sleep. There was no desire to be OOB and I didn’t care what happened, I was going to sleep. Yet it appears that was not up to me because the next thing I remember is being with a tall, slender, dark haired man inside a small room with children.

The children were my main focus as was the room. It was small, with a brightly colored sofa in the middle, a kitchen sink behind the sofa, brightly colored pictures on the walls, and toys and stuffed animals all around. I sat on the sofa with the man, who I did not really notice right away because I was talking to the children. We were talking about the things in the room, but I forget most of this part now. I recall one time seeing a small tea cup (child-sized) full of milk and pouring it down the sink whose drain had been tiled in beautiful mosaics. That was how the entire room was – mosaics, patterns, and geometric shapes in brilliant colors covered everything.

There is fuzzy memory here of practicing manifesting. I would create things, watch them appear, and then show the children. At one point, I went inside this section of the room and there were animals of all sizes piled in the corner. They had been mounted/stuffed by a taxidermist. While we watched, the animals came to life and suddenly all of them came running toward us. Thankfully, they were all small – rodents, squirrels, rabbits, otters and weasels. A mink crawled on me and I remember laughing because I could feel it’s tiny claws on my skin. There was no fear at all.

Then I was sitting on the sofa talking to a man. I didn’t question it at first. It was something I did all the time in body and out, so why would I? Then the man was laying on top of me, completely naked. He was facing up and I could feel his bare skin and see all of him except his face. I hugged him to me, feeling his warmth. His skin tone was darker than mine, sort of tan/golden and he was very thin and wiry/muscular. At this point it was like we switched places, back and forth. One minute I was looking at him and the next I as looking at myself in this body. I kept seeing my breasts and they were sagging and wrinkled like those of a woman much older than me. I wasn’t completely horrified but I remember not wanting to see it. lol

While I am seeing and experiencing this, we are talking. He says to me about my reaction to him, “You are not like the others.” I said, “Really?” The rest of the message came in a feeling/knowing – that the others reacted sexually or took the experience very seriously without recognizing him or the dream. This got me thinking, “What others? Oh, wait he must be my guide.” He confirmed and said, “I’m your guide.” Then I asked, “What do you call me, then?” He said, “You are my assignment.” That made sense and I completely accepted it and went back to feeling completely happy and joyful. It was like I was with an old friend hanging out.

There was in front of us a large television, one of those massive big screened ones. My guide encouraged me to inspect it and I touched it and the screen shimmered. I thought, “Portal” and so tried to go into it. I couldn’t. What? Then I was holding a cell phone and texting a message which was quickly edited by my guide. I don’t recall the message now but I know who it was to.

After some more talking, I remember wondering about his name and hearing, “Why don’t you ask me?” I remember thinking back, “I don’t care what your name is. You have many names, remember?” lol But I knew he wanted me to call him Tom, Major Tom, as in the song by David Bowie. Always a teachable moment with my guides. 🙂

I came back into my body at this point. My energy settled indicating I was not going back out. I wondered why  because at this point I was having fun and he said, “You need to remember”. I tried to remember but many points were fuzzy and he sent a “See, told you. The memories are fading” type of feeling to me. I remembered meeting him and laughed about it because he was butt naked. Then he reminded me of what he said and said, “You did not respond sexually, why?” I thought about it and said, “I’m not interested in that with you.” Then I thought about my counterpart and my heart lit up and he said, “Ah, yes, you are interested in him.” Then it was back to why he initiated the OBE in the first place, which I will save for another post – maybe. I think I may keep that to myself for now. 🙂

 

 

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Horse Symbolism

It has been a beautiful day today and I have been outside most all of it. Today I went to visit my mom as is my normal weekly routine. I do it because I love her but also because I feel I should – as if my time with her is limited and so I should make the most of it while I can.

While at my mom’s house I sat in the sun, absorbing it’s warmth as much as I could and watching the clouds fly past. It seemed like they were in a hurry to get somewhere. Their exuberance was appealing to me. I wish I was up there with them.

Here are some shots of the clouds today. I wish I had taken video now so you could see just how fast they were moving through the sky.

After tending to (and playing with) the chickens we caught the attention of the neighbors horses. My children and I spent most of the rest of our time there with the two horses, feeding them and petting them. They were so gentle, their muzzles so soft as they tried to find food in our empty hands or eat our hair. lol

I was especially drawn to the horses today for some reason. I see them every visit but don’t care much to communicate with or pet them. But today I wanted to get up close and hug one. The closest I got was to pet their faces and smell their horse smell. That was enough considering I really am afraid of them. Baby steps. 🙂

When we got home I was still thinking about the horses. I was reminded that I have had many, many encounters with horses in dreams and OBEs. A horse has even talked to me while OOB! lol It has been suggested by many others that horse is likely one of my totems and I tend to agree. I was obsessed with them as a child and use to draw pictures of wild mustangs constantly. Every picture I drew had either a horse or a unicorn in it. 🙂 Strangely, when in the presence of a horse I am often nervous and afraid of how big and powerful they are.

I know that horses symbolize freedom, especially the wild ones. Tame horses, on the other hand, tend to represent aspects of one’s personality that they keep confined.

Rather than write it all out, you can read about the horse here.

From what I can tell, it appears that I am being drawn to the horse at this time in my life to help me with some of the current challenges I am facing. I have been really struggling with the transformation or whatever it is that I am going through. I have never in my life experienced such a split within myself and it is painfully present at all times during the day. The only reprieve I get is while I sleep but it comes back as soon as I wake. I am learning to be in my heart space despite feeling this split and it is getting easier – er well maybe I am just getting use to it. There is guidance but it is limited because whatever is happening to me is something my Team cannot interfere with. From what I can tell, there is a mountain sized issue standing in my path and I don’t think I will be able to go around it this time. Makes me want to spew out every cuss word that exists.

Thinking I should have just gone over the fence and given that horse a hug now. Maybe it would have made me feel better? Or maybe it would have kicked the crap out of me. LOL

 

 

 

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Embracing the Silence

I have been experiencing a sort of unsettled silence these last few days. It is not unfamiliar yet aspects of it are. In the past I called it the “blah” feeling or a “zoning out” feeling. But in the past it came with a sinking feeling in my solar plexus. This is now absent.

This new feeling has been very strong, so strong that I have begun to question what it is and it’s purpose.

It seems that I have been mistaking this feeling as “bad” because it is lacking so much. It feels like a hole or a vacuum that needs filling. In the past I have freaked out and filled it with worry, doubt and nervous apprehension. Yet now it is ever-present. Why?

My questioning of it finally led to an answer: it is simply the New Me and because it is unfamiliar there is unconscious rejection. I’ve been asked to familiarize myself with this feeling. It is silence. It is nothingness. It should be embraced for what it is without applying a label or reacting to it.

In this, I create a space within mySelf to honor this New Self, this New Me. It’s time to embrace the silence and nothingness. To embrace the New Me.

More Pieces Return

Last night I again experienced what I can only call reintegration of pieces of Me. A Return to Self. I know this is what is occurring because I wake suddenly as if I have returned from far away and my body jolts and there is memory that is quickly siphoned off. It is as if there is a message of “You can’t know yet” and it is accepted.

This occurred several times right as soon as I fell asleep. That seems to be the time when these pieces return. I feel that this is happening because I am doing work and so need all of mySelf to do this work.

Crown Chakra Wide Open

Though this is not the case now, during the night when I awoke it was from a massive amount of energy streaming into/out of my crown chakra. My entire head felt huge and the feeling of it would lull me back to sleep almost instantly. I knew I was exiting my body in this fashion but had little time to consider why or where I was going.

Flashes of Familiarity

My dreams are once again lost to me upon waking. Yet this morning I had flashes of a familiar group of brilliantly white beings. They stood together before me, tall, slender and humanoid-like. In recognizing them the memory which at first seemed to have a time/place/location all at once became timeless and without form or location. It was as if it was only a dream and not at all real. Yet I knew instantly that these were my family and I wanted to go back “there”. I also felt one remained with me, or perhaps it is that the many became as one to communicate with me. And he/she (for there is no gender) remained and explained what I was to do in this “time of rest”. Manifest and be comfortable with the New.

 

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Questions and Answers

I have felt “off” all day. I’m not exactly sure why. So I am going to see what my guides have to say.

What is up with the energy today?

The world is grieving and fear is taking hold in many places. There is a dark energy surfacing that has been in hiding for the past few months, out of sight and out of mind. The fear increases this energy and helps it take hold in places it otherwise would not.

There is also a clearing of dense energy occurring. This reemergence of the dark energy is part of this clearing. The recent events in Paris have shocked many into awareness which in turn has resulted in a great purging. Imagine the steam that rises off a pot of freshly steamed vegetables and you can get an image of how this energy is moving right now as it is released. Though it may seem heavy and dark right now, it will be replaced with light as more and more of it evaporates.

Why am I feeling this way? Usually I am not so effected.

Though you have succeeded in raising your vibration significantly since you began your journey, there is still much to be released. You, like many others, are freeing/releasing that which no longer serves you and this will not go unnoticed. A lethargy accompanies it. A soft sadness without source and without direction. There is a lost feeling as well that you recognize. This is simply you tuning into those souls who have yet to make a full transition Home.

You forget you have been fine tuned to get you to this point in your journey. Your connection to your multidimensional selves has created a new conundrum for you as you do not know what to do with what you know since you cannot quite articulate or wrap your mind around what exactly it is you do know. It is a struggle that will continue as long as you allow your mind to dominate.

But how do I keep that from happening? How do I stay centered in my heart? It seems so easy but it isn’t.

It is a process that takes time. No one will immediately be freed from the mind as it has its purpose: survival. The key is to control it; reign it in when it gets too demanding or too fearful. This requires patience on your part and much, much focus on thought. Not on what it is that you are thinking but why you are thinking it. Focus on the feeling behind your thoughts. The more you do this, the more your heart will take the lead.

As with all habits that need breaking, this one will take willpower and much, much persistence. Especially during times such as these when there is a purging of the old to make room for the new. For now there is less and less room for the old dichotomy.

I keep feeling like I need to be doing something but I have no idea what it is? Why am I feeling like this?

You have memories of your purpose here. They reside just below the surface of your conscious mind. Sometimes they leak through as feelings and/or untapped desire. It is with great love that we advise you to withhold yourself from taking premature action based upon these feelings for you are not yet fully aware of their source and the need for action is not yet. In your heart you understand this, which is why you have yet to act other than to go within and speculate as to the source of your feelings. This is okay and we encourage you to dig deep, deeper yet, for this is the only way to find that which is hidden from view. What is amusing to us and will also be to you is that you were the one that hid it there. And when you find it and remember there will be no doubt of your motives.

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Healing Work – Dream: My Painting

Behind-the-scenes work is being done and I am being allowed to remember it. This kind of work I am open to, but it has been a long time since I have done this kind of self-healing.

Dream: My Painting

My dreams last night were near lucid. In fact, in one particular part of a long dream sequence I recall being very aware very suddenly of walking down a crowded street. I remember wondering, “Where am I?” and seeing in my mind as I walked a map of the United States zoomed in on Louisiana.

The city I was in was large and there were people walking towards me. I looked at their faces as I walked. I remember thinking, “I am going to meet someone. I am going to meet someone”, but I had no clue who that person was, only that it was a man.

The street I was on seemed narrow and the buildings older than present time. I tried to wrap my mind around the situation but it was hard. I was dreaming and the dream kept overcoming me and my memories would seem to split into little mini-movie screens in my mind. I will recount what I remembered after I finish retelling this dream.

I made it to my destination which was a very tall, sand-colored building that stood much higher than the other very gray, concrete and mortar buildings of the city. It’s surface was smooth and it was shaped like a closed flower – a tulip or lotus – and the tip reached high into the sky.

I don’t know how I entered but the next thing I knew I was inside the building walking along the halls looking for the person in charge. I knew I was in a building of higher education, like an administration building but only in that the people inside monitored a large, intricate system of learning.

I met the man and we walked to hallways. He led me to an alcove where there was a curtain obscuring my view of something behind it. He said, “I still have your painting” and he opened up the curtains and revealed a large oil painting. I was relieved. They still had it. My painting. I looked at it but could only see small portions of it. It was as if it was divided into smaller paintings like a comic strip or story board. I remember seeing various scenes but none of them were familiar. All were in vivid color and depicted normal, daily life activities and important events.

The dream shifted dramatically then, as if I went into the painting but there was no experience of shifting. I was inside a small, barren, stone room with a man. He was older and kind of fat. I sat and knew I was a woman and dressed in clothing that is not of my current time period. It reminded me of the Civil War era.

He offered me a drink and I took the clear bottle in my hand and poured the amber colored liquid. I took a drink. I remember thinking I should not drink as I had a long trip ahead of me.

Then I was shifted again and I was the partner or perhaps mistress of this man. He abused me and I was complaining to someone about him. I remember that I was upset because he asked the servants to give me breakfast for dinner.

Then I was staring at him face to face. Both of us looked as if we had been beaten. Perhaps we had fought? I was allowed to leave, so I did.

The dream shifted again and I was walking in the woods somewhere higher in elevation than I had been. I was on the edge of a hill and slipped a bit which caused me to notice a man standing at the treeline. When I saw him, I went to him and the entire woodland area disappeared and a golden color replaced it.

I saw the man and embraced him and felt such desire overcome me that I could not breathe. I communicated without words to this man who agreed to be with me and I remember feeling his skin against mine as we embraced and kissed.

Afterward

I awoke with my root and second chakra blazing. I felt my guide close and heard, “Parallel life”.  Of course, I wanted to return to sleep, but it was too late. I asked when this life was and was told, “1868”. I knew it was in Louisiana so I thought, “Reconstruction?”

Confused for a moment, I thought back on my dream. I have re-experienced two lives that fit into this era. One in which I was a man in San Fransisco and another where I was a woman in the Midwest. I was confused because the time period of the dream fit with the life when I was a man, yet I clearly was not a man in the dream.

There were tidbits of something else intermixed with the experience. I remember discussing something prior to becoming lucid in the dream. I was in an office sitting at a desk and discussing things with a man both in person and via chat on a computer. I remember discussing a painting and him saying, “You were so into that painting that you worked on it for 10 years”. I remember seeing a painting in its entirety. It was a scene of some explorers looking down on a valley. There were five of them, only one was a woman. I remember the title had “America” in it, but that is all.

In remembering these things, I knew that I had been taken somewhere while I slept. It was like I went to a place of learning; a place where records were kept. I was shown my lives, like a review, and asked to consider the lessons I had learned and those that I had not let go of because of their connection with “human desire”.

The life where I was a man was a miserable one. I had been married and left her behind to go West. There I had very strong sexual urges and could not resist them. I continually “sinned” and then tried to drink away my guilt and shame. I ended up dying from my alcohol addiction a very sad man.

The life where I was a woman was after my life as a man. I had been molested by my father and ran away at a young age. I ended up prostituting myself. I experienced much inner conflict because I had not expected to enjoy my work – but I did. Every time I slept with a man I enjoyed it but I could not get the image of my father and his treatment of me out of my mind. My thoughts were that if I enjoyed sex then I must have enjoyed sex with my father, which I hadn’t and which had caused me much pain and suffering. So I rejected my enjoyment and desire because it was the only way I could deal with the conflict inside me.

Two lives with the same conflict under different circumstances. Why was I being shown this?

I know I have absolutely no desire for sexual connections at this time in my life. I feel a-sexual in a way. It just isn’t there yet in my dreams it is. When I saw the man in the woods (clearly my guide) the desire that I felt was intense, almost like a drug. When I awoke I thought of it and how such a feeling can really mess up a person’s life if they chose to give into it. Am I trying now, in my current life, to avoid making what I feel is a “mistake” by blocking all desire? Interesting.

I suppose it will be revealed in time. I do know that these two lives seem never to stop coming up. Sigh.

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Aldyn: Old Friend

I finally got good sleep last night but still awoke at 5am, much earlier than I would like.

Dream: Meeting an Old Friend

The dream I awoke from was of me reuniting with an old friend. In the dream I had been in a game show that resembled the Price is Right. In it, I saw Alex Trebek as two people. The first was connected to a very long, fat, golden snake that appeared to be filled with air like one of those lawn displays that fills up giant Santa Claus’ to make them appear larger than life. I don’t recall much about this part of the dream except the snake and knowing that the person who at once appeared like Alex and then a woman was a twin of this snake.

I then moved into a dark room that felt to be inside a house. I know I was in the astral at this time but I did not awaken while there. A man came in who was very tall and had dark hair. I don’t remember his face or features but I knew him and we talked. He had just returned from a journey and we were discussing his taking of a wife. I said to him with surprise, “You were married again?” He said, “Yes” and there was an a communication that passed between us that this marriage had been short lasting only a year, like the many others he had. I also knew he had fallen in love quickly and deeply each time he was married but then when actually married each relationship fell apart. I knew that the reason for this was that his expectations of his spouse were too high and unyielding. She could not be what he wanted and so every time the relationship would break and end in a loss for him.

I hugged him, my head barely resting upon his broad chest. I said to him as I looked up at him, “I forgot how tall you were”. He appeared to be at least 7 feet tall and I felt dwarfed in his presence.

We sat down together on a sofa and I lay my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me. I noticed that I wanted to be close to him, a feeling I do not have in my current lifetime with my current husband. The difference was striking but I accepted it. I felt at ease with him and happy to just be in his arms.

Then I became nervous. My husband came into the room and I did not want him to see me there with my friend. I covered myself in blankets to hide. They were removed and I was laying there alone, my friend nowhere to be seen.

Aldyn

I awoke then, still feeling the confusion of waking without my friend there. I heard then, “What if I made you a man? What would you do?”

This question confused me and the dream came back to me.

Then I heard very distinctly, “Aldyn” and I knew he lived 400,000 years ago. I wondered if man even had civilizations that far back and if he did which ones were around? I then wondered if in fact this man, this Aldyn, was me and felt it may be and that it was him/me that lived so long ago.

Interestingly, the name Aldyn is Old English for “old friend”.

I then thought of the question I was asked. I responded, “I would play with it (meaning the penis)” and laughed. I communicated that it would be the first thing I did because I had always wondered what it would be like. But then I felt I needed to be serious got and said, “I would focus on how the body felt and note the differences”. Then I remembered what being a man was like and knew the thought processes were very different from that of a woman. It felt different and it is hard to describe the difference as it is subtle. It has to do with the connections made in the brain and how the thoughts are processed and what areas they originate from.

Then we had a discussion about why I chose to be female this life and the struggles that come with choosing to be female. I saw the challenge of the imbalance that existed between the masculine and feminine; how women had lost their power. I saw the lessons in motherhood and I cringed. The patience needed, the compassion and understanding, the need to tune into one’s emotions and intuition – all these things I need to enhance within my own whole Self because for far too long it has been the masculine which I doted upon.

This is what I awoke to this morning. So much of me resists the lessons I am here to learn. I see now why my guide calls me ambivalent.

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Hatching

As I settled down to sleep last night, I felt the familiar presence of my Companion signaling he wanted to communicate a message to me.

I felt I should lay on my back and focus on my third eye, so I did. Immediately my third eye began to pull as the energy increased. Then, an image popped into my head of my aura as it pulsated around my physical body. It was a deep indigo color and I could see it fluidly moving all around me. I laughed out loud at the sight of it. “I’m Indigo!” I said to him mentally.

I continued to lay there, feeling my third eye pulling and sensing the movement of energy throughout and around my body. It was then that another image popped into my head. It was of a newly hatched baby chick. At the same time I heard my Companion say, “We are merged. We are One”.

As the messages settled in, I wondered why I was shown a newly hatched chick when before I had been given the analogy of a butterfly in a cocoon. Why would I be shown a chicken now?

This question was not answered but instead I heard, “We are One”.

I knew this to always have been the case, so was confused at first. Then I understood. Whatever process I had been going through previously had culminated in this….hatching.

“You are changed. You will see the world differently”.

I thought of the message I had received not long ago preparing me for some changes, especially to my perception and thoughts. I had noticed them – the dream-like feeling, the feeling of being naked, the random thoughts and strange fears rising up out of nowhere. Then I thought I needed to consider how it felt to be “newly born”. What was it like?

Everything is new and the senses are bombarded and feel raw initially. The bright light is blinding. The loud noises are unbearable. The cold is piercing. It takes time to adjust and to learn to walk on new feet.

Is this what would be happening to me? When?

“Tonight”.

I didn’t really believe the answer.

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De-Compartmentalize

It all started a few days ago. The clouds here in Texas were extraordinary, making the sky seem so vast and beautiful. I kept finding myself gazing up into as I was driving, willing myself to be in it instead of here on the ground. It was like this for four days straight and each time I could not take my eyes off the sky.

Then there came another phenomena along with this fixation of mine on the sky. I began to get ideas of being above the Earth and then placing a miniature version of myself into the globe. It was like I was a giant and shrunk a part of myself down and placed her in this environment. With this idea came the thought, “I put myself here to experience this” and I felt so tiny yet so big all at the same time.

That evening, I awoke knowing I had been working through the night. With this knowing came odd little tidbits of information that disappeared as soon as I tried to focus upon them. Later that day, I suddenly recalled with great knowingness what had been discussed. I knew without doubt that I had separated from myself, disconnecting from all memory of Who I Am, to be placed on Earth and have this experience. This was more than just a normal knowing, it was a sensation of Being. I recalled the feeling of the moment of this disconnect and had the knowing that I could undo it anytime I chose.

Yet again, yesterday, I found myself fixated on the clouds and recalled the idea of being shrunken and placed into Earth. As I rounded the corner and prepared to enter the highway to head home, I began suddenly aware of my thoughts, thoughts that had been going on without much notice by me. I had been thinking of my night’s work and discussions and knew that I was entering into a new phase as I merged onto the highway.

Almost as soon as I was on the highway I felt my right arm tingle as if a hand were placed upon it. Then, looking up at the clouds, I began to notice a dream-like quality to my experience and my vision shifted. I was unconcerned as I drove, though, having full faith in my Team of guides.

It was then that an energy began to form on the left side of my head. It expanded and remained as I drove. Then my heart center began to buzz with energy. This is when the song, “Come Home” was playing and I began to get tears in my eyes. I felt suddenly very sad as if my time here was drawing to an end.

When I got into the garage I lingered in my car in the dark as the song played. I took off my sunglasses but kept reaching to remove them time and time again because my vision was dark and tunnel-like and I swear I felt the pressure of the glasses over my ears and against my temples. Things seemed very dream-like and I kept thinking of the visual I had of seeing myself put down into a tiny Earth. How surreal!

Compartmentalize and De-compartmentalize

Last night was yet another night of restless sleep. I awoke often and then struggled to return to sleep.

One of my early wakings was accompanied by one word in my mind: Compartmentalize. I wondered about it and knew it was related to the rewiring that was currently underway. I acknowledged it and then went back to sleep.

At one point when I awoke, my Companion was close and said, “We are in this together”. Imagine waking, not remembering your dreams and suddenly hearing this. What would you think? I got a bit concerned. Why would he say that to me unless things were about to get difficult?

I then thought of the word compartmentalize again and knew without knowing how that my Companion was referring to this process, but why? He said to me, “You are different. Do you feel it?”

I answered, “Yes, I do, but I am not sure how”.

Then he said to me, “We are in this together. Remember that. This is why we are here.”

I wondered what he meant and he replied, “Your thoughts will change. Your focus will shift. This process will be different”.

There came with these words a memory of the random thoughts that had been entering my mind lately. They come and I struggle to shut them down, when in that past it was easy. I knew this was an example of what he meant by this new “process”. I wondered if I would go crazy, but felt this was extreme and unlikely.

Considering all of it, I asked if it was like what occurred in May and he said, “No. We are integrating”.

I finally got out of bed after tossing and turning for another hour. As I woke up, I thought again of the word compartmentalize but knew I had it wrong. It was the opposite. I was de-compartmentalizing. We were taking down walls.

Here is more information on what compartmentalization is if you are interested.

What This Means

Honestly, I am unsure what exactly all this means but I feel I was being prepared for it over the last few nights. The energy has been intense and shifty – one minute calm and the next minute very turbulent. Thankfully my reactions have been bearable thus far. The panic that comes from the sudden onset of dizziness is controllable and does not last long. I have a fear of leaving my body at inopportune times and the dizzy spells trigger this fear. It really does feel like I am shifting OOB when I have these sudden shifts in perspective and am overwhelmed with dizziness. My vision threatens to blackout and I can feel myself leaving my body. Not fun when you are driving!! Who wouldn’t have a panic attack?

I suspect this is why my Companion told me, “We are in this together”. He wants me to remember this is the plan and to trust in the process. As I type this, though, I feel my heart rate increasing and my heart center is buzzing. I do not like the idea of not being in control of when I leave my body!

I am likely freaking out a bit and overreacting. Honestly, it is likely just simply that my thought processes will slowly be altered from their norm. This is much more acceptable. However, one must conclude that any change in brain activity has a direct effect on consciousness.

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Lucid Dream: My House

After a rollercoaster of a day caused my blood sugar fluctuations, I went to bed on a low asking for assistance from my Team.

Lucid Dream: My House

I began to gain lucidity while walking into a room in a house that I knew was mine. The room was mostly empty except for some bags on the floor near a closet that were partially unpacked. I saw some clothing on the floor and walked past it toward a dark haired man who was sitting on the floor in the closet.

I knew this man but was not 100% familiar with who he was. I sat down next to him, cross-legged, about two feet away. He was also sitting cross-legged as if meditating. Perhaps that is what we were doing?

During this time I had thoughts and knowingness about this man. I knew we didn’t talk much; our conversations were without words through a deep connection. Yet I felt distant from him and hesitant to interact with him, even without words. There was a memory of us being separated and using our deep connection to stay in touch.

I remember looking upon him fondly with recognition. My conscious mind tried to match his face to my memories. He appeared similar to an ex-boyfriend of mine and the feeling that came off of him was calm and reassuring, similar to how that ex use to make me feel when he hugged me.

Then I was watching this dark haired man from a distance as he interacted with a friend. I was at first jealous and suspected him of cheating on me, but then I saw that the woman he was interacting happily with was quite pregnant. She seemed near the end of her pregnancy, her huge stomach draped in a vibrant, dark blue maternity blouse.

Relieved, I continued to watch from a distance, gliding through empty rooms and cream-colored walls. There was a feeling that I had been away for a long time. The feeling was similar to when a loved one moves overseas to a distant land and has been gone for twenty or more years.

I entered a room, finally exposing myself, and stopped a woman and said, “Why are you in my house?” I don’t think it was the same pregnant woman but am not sure because as soon as I spoke to her she vanished.

Then I spotted the man in the closet, this time standing. When I saw him I immediately went to him and he outstretched his arms. I saw his face shift at this time, the jawline becoming more square and prominent. Did he look like Robin Williams?

He said to me very audibly, “You have’t been yourself lately”.

In that instant I felt ashamed. I said, “I know. I’m sorry”.

A flood of images came into my mind but most are lost to me now. All I can recall now is that I remember being hermit-like, shunning social situations with others and rejecting the emotional connection with family.

I fell into his arms and felt an amazing relief rush over me. The feeling was that I finally came Home and could relax because now I was safe and would always be cared for. I wanted to stay in his arms forever.

Conversation

The hug caused me to fully awaken and I immediately grieved for the loss of the feeling I had just had.

“I want to go back”, I told him.

I knew that the man was me, my Higher Self. I also knew the other characters were me as well, even the pregnant woman.

The image of Robin Williams came on strongly this time. It was his face I saw in the dream. Does this represent my current state? I thought again about the message I received the night before: Rewire-Retrial.

It was obvious that I had entered once again a state of emergency and so my Companion had initiated contact. This time I was resistant and angry, all the feelings rising to the surface.

We talked for about an hour as my Companion reassured me that this was not a real emergency, just a downward spiral that needed correcting, which was easily done. I did not feel this way, of course. I explained that I was tired of failing to stay centered; the rollercoaster was getting tiresome and every contact with him caused the homesickness to worsen and abandonment issues to arise. I didn’t understand why I would torture myself like this.

He repeated over and over that he had never left and asked if he could help me. I rejected his offer initially but toward the end of our discussion I finally gave in and accepted it.

He told me that I needed to let him take the reigns once again. I felt like a failure for ever taking them back. He reminded me of advice I had given to a student just the day before: “If at first your don’t succeed, try, try again”.

I asked him if the process would be like it was in May and he said, “Not this time”. I understood this to mean it would be more work on my part; it would not just be something that happened as easily as it did before.

When I awoke in the morning I felt him near and he asked me if I was ready and I responded that I was not sure. I am still not sure I can do it. It seems like too much work.

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Dream: Lucid Kiss

After waking up in tears at 6am I tossed and turned for a while as I tried to return to sleep. I eventually ended up in a lucid dream.

Lucid Kiss

I was walking in a dark tunnel with a group of people when I suddenly realized I was dreaming. I looked at a young man in front of me and got the idea that I wanted to move into him (merge). Quickly, I rushed into him but felt a tremendous pressure that sucked me back into my “body”. I felt literally pushed away. The force of the push surprised me as did the strange energy sensations. This brought about even more lucidity.

I saw a blonde man standing to my left. He was looking at me strangely and I thought I recognized him. He was quite bright compared to the darkness of the tunnel and the muted tones of the others with us. This brightness focused my attention even more on him. Who was he?

My lucidity increased slightly and the man looked at me, his blue eyes intensely piercing. He seemed young, probably mid-twenties, and was quite tall, at least a hands width taller than me. He walked up to me and said, “It’s about time we got this over with”.

Not completely sure what he was talking about but happy regardless, I followed him eagerly. From this point it appeared that I was leading him and that he was the unsure one.

I located a closet and opened the door wide. He stopped just inside the door and looked down at me, his face showing his uncertainty and maybe a bit of nervousness. I recall the room was bright and the door a very solid shade of brown. Were we in an office building somewhere? I didn’t know.

I went up to him and pulled his face toward mine and kissed him gently on the lips. I recall feeling a bit awkward because he became stiff as if he were unsure if he wanted to be kissing me. I kept hoping I would feel something from the interaction but all I noticed was that his lips were quite cold. I said to him, “Your lips are ice cold”. He said, “Really? I don’t think so”.

He eased up a bit then and I attempted one last kiss just to see if maybe I was wrong. This time I felt his lips soften and they were quite warm and inviting. It was a nice kiss and I lingered there still hoping I would feel something. Unfortunately, I felt nothing, not a thing.

My awareness peaked all at once in the moment of the last kiss. I awoke still feeling as if I were kissing him. Once fully awake I recognized the interaction as a lesson. I was the cold one, closing my heart to those I loved and distancing myself from others. How could I expect to feel anything if I shut myself down?