As you pass down the highway of life, remember to take it in fully. Remember to breathe it in for it is part of you. Each moment, each instant that you are alive in this body, in this time, in this era of human existence, is a moment for you to experience the glorious omnitude that is you.
My sleep is being interrupted again and this time I cannot return to sleep. My dreams are very involved and near lucid, making it difficult for me: 1. to forget and 2. to get a good rest.
Runaway Truck
I recall watching from above, as if viewing a movie, as a green garbage truck drove itself down a road. It then changed its mind and turned around. It did this again and again running into things in the process. I recall having a discussion with a police officer from a large city about this disturbance at the time. The feeling was that I was overseeing this small town and was being evaluated by my supervisor.
Me and my supervisor then hovered over continents of green. I had a feeling of being a traveler at this time and reviewing past travels. I do not remember all that was said but there was a mini-story in which I was with a group deciding where to go next.
I then was on land in a field of green watching my superior talking to an old woman. The old lady had Alzheimer’s and I recognized she had been the truck from before. Now she was driving an ATV amidst a field of buffalo. She accidentally ran into a cow and apologized as she returned. I watched all of this as an observer.
Interpretation
A garbage truck is a symbol of old habits that need to be “trashed”. To be a police officer represents one’s morality and conscience. Since my superior is also an officer it suggests I am being helped to follow this moral path. The Alzheimer’s woman likely symbolizes me and my “forgetfulness”. Since the woman runs into a buffalo, which symbolizes survival, strength or power, it suggests that my forgetfulness could harm my survival.
Tending House
I was watering my lawn which was dying and being overgrown by weeds. A kindly neighbor was helping me decide where to water. On one side I discovered a rocky creek with towering trees built into my yard. The trees went up so high I could not see the sky through them. I recall thinking someone had planted them all at the same time.
Inside I was rearranging furniture. I had three living areas and saw more towering trees, this time inside the house! There were people working on art projects as well. I complimented a student on his. He wheeled toward me a cart with a tray of opaque, white goo on it. They were heating it up. Another tray contained pomegranate but it looked more like circular, gel balls. I took one ball and mixed it with the goo and heated it up. I scortched it a little but then took the ball and rubbed it on my feet.
Interpretation
A house is an aspect of my subconscious. The front yard is the part of me I allow others to see. I have weeds in my yard suggesting there are things needing tending to in my life. The water is emotion and my attempt to grow positive relationships in my life. The trees represent a positive aspect of this part of me, specifically my spiritual development and focus on myself. It is the most orderly part of the yard.
Inside my house there are also trees indicating strength. Living rooms represents beliefs I have about myself and life and the barriers I put up between my public and private self. The pomegranate represents good health but also the allure and invitation of sex. The fact that I am rubbing this into my feet suggests that I am seeking to add this into my life and identity.
I felt really off when I woke up over an hour before I was suppose to. I told my guides, “If my sleep is going to keep being interrupted by these weird dreams, I would rather not remember them”. I was reminded of the time period when I did this before and how lacking I felt. I saw this truth but then also saw there was still something lacking. I recognized this “lacking” to be what is interrupting my sleep and causing me to feel disconnected from my life. I saw then the connection between my feet in the dream and my current feelings of being disconnected from my life.
Current Symptoms of the Shift
Like many others right now, I am finding myself conflicted with myself over some things in my life. It is not with all things that this happens. As I wrote yesterday, I most often do not disagree with the adjustments and changes I am being asked to consider. However, there is a big one that keeps coming to me: slowly remove myself from social media and decrease my focus upon spiritual pursuits and in turn put my focus more upon living life. In this one small action I allow myself to experience more fully that which I came here to do.
I do not remember my dreams from last night but when I awoke I knew this change was something I was being asked to consider. Thus, I was not happy when I opened my eyes. I did not want to get out of my bed. There is still a part of me that wants to put all my focus in the spiritual but I know, I KNOW, this is not good and will not help me advance.
I decided then and there to stop completely my focus upon the spiritual (this is normal for me – all or nothing mentality) and heard right away my guide saying, “You do not have to do that. Just focus on both equally”.
I don’t know if I can.
As I sat down to write about my experiences I got a message. Perhaps this will resonate with some of you as well.
There comes a time amidst and within the depths of the most uniquely challenging aspects of the Shift, that you will find yourself split between the “I” of the old you and the “We” of the new you. As this occurs, you will feel undoubtedly conflicted about what to do and sometimes even what exactly it is that you are feeling.
This particular process is what you have come here to experience. That which was the old way of living life on Earth is now being discarded, tossed into the wind. Within this action of letting go there is always to be expected some resistance. Fear, nervous apprehension – this is unmistakably the hardest aspect of the Shift many will encounter. It is important that during this time you listen to you inner, most deepest longings; that part of you that wells up from within when you are moved by a moment of love. This part of you, the We that has been emerging for some time, wants only to embrace you and help you lovingly transition into this new world. Like the lotus flower, you will emerge bright and open to experiences, lovingly accepting all that Is into your arms without judgement or self-interest. This is where you will land when this culminating period passes.
All is within your reach.
Do you see it? It is right in front of you! There you are!! Aren’t you beautiful!?
My perception seems to be shifting. I think it has been going on for some time now but only now am I starting to recognize it as such. Let me explain.
I am finding that I am not motivated to do things for myself as I once use to be. I have always been a very, very selfish person. I struggle with my selfishness problem. Motherhood made my problem even more painfully obvious to me. Yet, even motherhood did not bring about such a dramatic shift in my perception. It helped, yes, but that alone cannot be blamed for this change.
I am by no means saying I am no longer selfish BUT my selfish thoughts are matter-of-factually slammed down by the other Me almost immediately. What is even funnier and out of character for me is that I step back humbly and accept it most of the time. Other times I still argue with myself; yet ultimately I back down.
Above all else, though, the perception shift seems to be that I am becoming less me and more Me. I don’t know how else to put it. The me who wants all the attention, all the credit, all the notice is being overtaken by a Me that wants to give all that away.
It makes me want to cry – in joy and grief at the same time. I am at a loss.
Besides the two OBEs I had last night/this morning, I also had vivid dreams in between. In fact, I was dreaming and waking and dreaming and waking all night long. I don’t feel very rested this morning.
Swamp Man
This dream was set in the country. I was with other people talking about different plots of land; farms that were being renovated.
We walked to a small farm that was hidden amidst trees. There was a rundown one-room cabin that no one lived in and I wandered off to explore.
I came upon what appeared to be an animal covered in mud. I was standing atop a hill of dirt and leaves and looked down at him. I had pity for him and so fed him some grass, which he ate. He then moved closer and I finally recognized him as a man. I said, “You’re human!” I could see his face showing through some patches of mud and slime.
Now friends, we walked toward the house that was being renovated and discussed the plumbing. He showed me how they had hooked up the hot water heater and I saw this pump at the base of the house with pipes coming out. He mentioned that the pipes leaked and I saw they were leaking at the joints. We discusses probable solutions and I told him that it made more sense to just rip out all the old plumbing and replace it rather than try to fix really old, brittle pipes.
The Swamp Man then embraced me and I was caught up in an intense energy that woke me up. This is when I felt intense energy sensations and went OOB for the first of two times that night.
Heroine Addict
I was with a group of people inside an apartment in the Projects. No one was inside and we were going to make a recipe and needed specific ingredients. I recall looking for cornmeal and searching through food on the counter and finding some. There was a conversation about being lied to about the results achieved from using this particular recipe.
I was then watching an older, light skinned, African American woman talking to a man. Her face was very vivid in the dream. She had her hair underneath a cloth and was about 50 years of age. She was a Heroine addict but did not appear to be high.
The man with her was interrogating her about our recent visit. What was interesting was how clean her apartment was and how high class it appeared. I could see the other apartments around hers and they were also very high class and upscale. I remember thinking, “They sure have it nice here”.
Shower
The dreams continued but I will skip to the last one.
There was this very large, glass encased shower. It was the size of a small office. A woman and a man were going inside. I was also inside at times and recall the water coming out of a shower head high above us. It was misting and we were all asked to inhale the midst. This was linked to the heroine dream and I recall thinking this was a way to detox.
I had the idea to change the flow and when I did the mist stopped and a flood of water came out. It was suggested to me that this was not best and so I turned it back to the mist.
It was then that I noticed the man in the shower was the Swamp Man from my previous dream. There he was covered in mud and in front of him was an older woman whose nakedness was very obvious. They embraced and the woman’s breasts pressed up against the Swamp Man and he kissed them. I was completely grossed out by this! The woman caressed the man’s head and I saw the mud begin to come off. There was a bright blue, scaly patch on his head that seemed to glow. I noticed it with great interest and came in for a closer look. It was then that I saw who the Swamp Man really was – he was the man who called himself “Tom Arnold” from my previous OBE!
I immediately awoke from the dream overcome with such loss that I cannot explain. I recognized my guide from the dream and began to talk with him about what was going on. I felt such loss, as if I had let myself down. I did not understand why I was failing at this task!
There was energy all over me, specifically at my crown and the back of my head. I also felt it intensely in my throat, which is a first for me.
I asked “Tom” why he was all covered in mud. He said, “You don’t want to see me”. I also knew this meant there was something about myself I did not want to see. Our conversation revealed that I am afraid to really “see” myself. I am also afraid to trust myself.
I cannot see the truth in the world and in others if I cannot see it within myself.
I was told that I am close and to not despair. But how could I not? The feeling of failure was so intense that I could not return to sleep. As I tried, I was asked to consider how I could lift my spirits, and thus my energy. I resolved to focus upon my family. When I finally fell asleep, I went OOB and had my second OBE of the night.
Another extended dream from two nights ago. I awoke several times between scenes but it continued.
House Swap
I was standing with my husband next to a newly purchased five gallon container of paint. A man walks by and stops. He asks if he can exchange something for our paint. My husband heartily agrees. He hands over the paint and the man gives us a huge pile of things from a wagon.
The next thing I know we are swapping entire households. I go inside the house of the man to look for things I want and pick out two boxes of wood floor cleaner. I completely ignore the tackle box of fishing supplies and other outdoor gear piled next to it. I go outside and our car is packed full of things and our family is ready to leave.
We get to our new home and it is in a different state, I believe the state of Virginia. We look around and find the house acceptable and nice. I remember my husband leaves and I am left home alone quite a bit and have time to think. I remember thinking, “I don’t even remember our old house now”. I also remember that I was alone with our baby.
My husband comes in and says he is starting a moving company. He shows me a packet of papers with my private information on them. I think it is my credit report. He says he is starting the company using my name and credit. I am shocked but do not tell him no.
I go into the back room and see that it is empty but nicely decorated. There is a shower in the middle of the room, which is odd, and large windows take up the entire back wall. There is a glass door that leads outside but I look at the window on the other side and see that it has a wooden shade drawn over it. I can see people outside and green from the trees and grass. I think about ways to rearrange the room so the shower is not in the middle.
I turn my focus to the outside and end up standing outside with my three children. It is a beautiful back yard! There is a large swimming pool in the middle and rock landscaping and waterfalls. There are neighbors wandering around with their children as if it is there place. I run around telling them to leave and decide that I want to put up a fence.
We continue to enjoy the pool and my husband joins us. My children are running about and I am exploring. I can see the green hills in the background and a teak wood fence in the back. There are also four small hot tubs at each of the four corners of the yard. I remember thinking the central pool represented the “heart” and the hot tubs represent each of the four elements. The large pool is in the center and there is a patch of grass near it where my family is sitting enjoying the day.
My youngest son wanders too close to the edge of the pool and falls in. I immediately jump in, clothes and all, and retrieve him. He is safe.
I then walk to the back of the yard taking pictures to share with family because this new place is amazing to me. I click a few photos of the back yard and fence. In one photo I see a black smoky looking form. Its face is evil looking with large, empty eyes and mouth wide open as if to bite someone. I am not afraid of it and just say aloud to myself, “Wow, I wonder where that came from”.
I am then looking out the back windows at the hills and the sunrise as my oldest daughter prepares to go to school. We watch as the bus travels a mountain road toward us and I feel peaceful and happy. It is a place I want to stay and although I do not have a job I am fine with that. I decide I want to explore the town at some point and decide to do so the next day.
When I wake up I am confused by the dream because it felt so real and I have trouble determining if it was real or not. I wonder what it means and suspect I am being asked to move forward with something. Healing perhaps?
I have not yet shared the occurrences of what I will call “extended dreams” yet because it was not yet known to me. However, I am certain now of the existence of such a dream and the purpose of it.
Extended Dream
This is night two of a dream that goes on all night despite my waking and staying awake and even trying to not dream the same dream. The vividness and detail of the dream sequence cannot be ignored, nor can the very obvious messages and purpose. I am calling this phenomenon an extended dream. It may have another name but I don’t have time to research it. Please let me know if there is such a term so I can use it from now on. 🙂
This is night two of an extended dream sequence. I spent most of the day yesterday contemplating whether to write out another dream sequence since it followed me most of the day, always at the back of my mind. Last night’s is similar so I guess I need to inspect these phenomenon more closely.
Rather than write it all out in detail (which would take way too long), I will summarize it.
The dream sequence repeats on a theme which is that I am either being propositioned for sex or sexual advances are subtly being made toward me. In all instances I am not afraid but very cautious and avoidant. Sometimes the person is a stranger and other times someone I know. This is not the first time this theme has presented itself.
Almost Rape
I was asleep in a bed in an unfamiliar room. I was “at work” but resting.
A man climbed into bed with me. I was not asleep but pretended to be and became very cautious. Why was a man in my bed?
He moved in very close to me, spooning with me. I remained quiet and I heard him express to himself in a whisper, “I wish she would wake up”.
I finally moved and confronted him. He moved in to kiss me and I resisted, turning toward the bedside phone and grabbing it. I picked it up and it was already connected. I heard static and voices on the line. I told the man, “I am calling for help. They will come get you”. He got out of bed and began to leave and I heard voices in the hall. A man and a woman in camouflage approached and said they had heard my call. The promptly took the man away. I felt relieved.
I woke up at this point for a while, asking to astral and was denied.
The dream resumed when I fell asleep. I left the room to visit a friend. She was tall with short blonde hair. I felt uneasy for some reason as I sat and spoke with her and her husband. I suddenly had the idea that I should tell them about the rape. While telling them about it I recalled to myself, “It was a dream, though” but I kept talking as if it were real.
I got plenty of sympathy and the woman went into the other room. The husband, who had reddish orange hair and was familiar to me, came over to me and placed his hand on my left shoulder. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable and knew he was coming onto me. I pretended like nothing was going on and he spoke to me about how sorry he was, that no one should be treated that way. He continued to move in close and I could feel his breath on my neck.
His wife came in and he withdrew. I thought to myself, “He is going to keep doing this and I won’t be able to resist”. Part of me wanted to embrace him.
I went outside to get into my car and climbed inside. The seat was in the middle and far up, as if elevated. I could see the control panel and it was like a space ship. The red-haired man was behind me. I got in and told him I had to adjust the seat. I sat in it and pushed a lever but noticed that we were already moving. I told him, “I haven’t even put the keys in!” He told me to steer the car, so I did as I put in the keys and it started up.
The man said he had the address of the attempted rapist. He showed me a paper with it written on it. All I remember now is that is was at the number 101. He gave me directions and I drove the car along a city street that quickly turned into a highway overpass. The speed limit dropped to 25mph and I was nervous as I drove high above the other roads.
I woke at this time and stayed awake again asking to astral. I again heard, “No”.
When I fell back to sleep the dream resumed. I was in front of what appeared to be a casino. I saw this stepped machine and tried to drive my car up it. I instead rammed into it and immediately apologized to the woman behind the counter. I saw I had damaged my car but not the machine. She asked an assistant to look at the machine which promptly fell apart. She told me i had to wait 40 minutes so I told the red-haired man and he went off to look for the rapist.
As I waited I spoke with the Asian lady asking her how she would prove I broke her machine and telling her it was not really broken. I recognized the cameras and gave up and she told me of her dream to become a car salesman. I thought it stupid as I listened to her. I resolved myself to have to pay for my crime.
It was then that I seemed to be both myself and a dark haired man. The Asian woman, who I can see clear as day, watched as I inspected the other casino machines. There was a large, fist sized gold coin and she said, “You found a quarter”. She then told me to do something, so I humored her and did it. She smiled and said, “You won!” and it was thousands of dollars. She took a portion to pay for the damage I had made and handed me a pile of odd looking over-sized green bills. I knew it was $70,000+ dollars and I heard the thoughts of the man (who was also me but not me) and said to him, “You are going to let her keep it, aren’t you?” when I recognized the intent to let her have what she wanted: her own car sales business. I felt happy for her and happy to help her have her dream but at the same time I was completely confused. Only a stupid person would give up that amount of money! Yet the man who was also me did it without reservation and with complete joy.
I awoke still feeling the conflict and wondering about the dream.
I again asked to astral and was told, “No”. I asked why and heard, “Your heart” and along with that came a message that I was healing past hurt, hurt that was done to me and that I had done to others. This healing trumped any OOB exploration. I immediately knew that I was still holding much pain from the many lives where I had been sexually abused or assaulted. I am thankful I do not feel the pain in the present. The pain I have inflicted upon others is also a burden I bear and it causes me to distrust myself. Every dream of sexual advancement is me trying to open up to myself and then rejecting myself. Sigh.
My left leg was aching and both legs were restless. I also felt such a heavy weariness come over me that I could not ignore. I went upstairs and got in bed, covering my eyes to help ease the headache I had all day.
I had to change positions several times because my leg kept throbbing with a strange electrical pulsing pain. I wondered briefly if it was sciatica but the thought passed quickly as I fell into the happy bliss of the in-between.
Paralyzed
It was then that I was aware of being in a house with several other people. I was in a wheelchair being wheeled around and could see the brown wood of the structure I was in. There was a door immediately in front of me and I was talking to my brother, mother and father who were huddled around me. I was also very aware that I was a man and the fact that I could not move my legs.
I began to wake up in the midst of talking with my family and when I did I struggled to determine which reality was real. Was the dream what was really happening? Or was it me, laying in bed, that was real?
I opened my eyes and still struggled to determine where I was, who I was and what was going on. My legs were not hurting, though, and I think this is what ultimately brought me back to reality.
Early 1800s
Once I was able to locate myself in present time, I thought about my “dream” and knew instantly that it was no dream. I had remembered a past life. A past life where I had been hurt and lost most if not all feeling in my legs. And there was pain with it similar to the shooting, electrical pain I had been feeling.
I wondered when the life was and knew it was the early 1800’s. I smiled, congratulating myself, but did not seek anymore information about the life. I did not want to unintentionally cause myself more harm than good. If done improperly, a past life can bring into the present life aspects of it to include pain, upset and other irrational behavior/thought. Since I had already had pain that caused me to need to lay down, I did not want to intensify it. Plus, it had gone and I felt better. I wanted to keep it that way.
It still amazes me, though, how suddenly and spontaneously some of my past lives have come to me. This one came with the sensation of sitting in the wheelchair and feeling the hardness of the seat. I also felt it being rolled around, its wheels bumping roughly on the floor. It was so vivid and real. I didn’t even know they had wheelchairs that long ago! So cool.
It has been one of those days for me where I continue to get a message over and over: you are adjusting, you are adjusting, you are adjusting.
I finally asked for clarification. This is the answer I got:
In the next few months expect exponential change for you and others like yourself who are in the fourth stage of awakening. To clarify, the term “stage” is merely used to help you better understand where you stand in this process of acclimation. For you, and others like you, there is a mental adjustment being made specifically altering the way you think, the way you judge, the way you perceive others and your environment. With this adjustment also comes understanding that you are not alone in this universe nor are you alone in this world nor are you alone in the body BUT you are but one in a million upon million upon trillion of others individualized souls striving for a return the One; to Wholeness. This adjustment period will cause you to think and over think and then over think some more. You will doubt that what you are thinking is even in fact your own thought because at times these thoughts will seem so alien, so outright ridiculous to you, that you will reject them in entirety only to be puzzled to find yourself once again thinking those same thoughts. The thoughts and patterns of thinking will not be like what you are use to yet they are YOU in your most utterly beautiful of states.
For the time being, for approximately three weeks from the full moon, you will find that your mind may seem empty and your head painfully noticeable to you. Headaches, energy sensations, ringing, dizziness, visual fluctuations, sounds and other phenomenon will be noticed but not unbearable. Know that you are not alone in these sensations nor are they indicative of something dire. They are merely evidence of your adjustment so look upon them as such and do not be alarmed.
During this adjustment period also you will be quite stable in other areas of your life. Enjoy this time and the moments of calm and certainty that befall you. Because in time you will become more and more acutely aware of changes which need to be made. No this is not another turn-your-life-upside-down period but you may at first feel it is such. It will simply be asked of you to consider once again if you are in fact truly living up to your potential; your capability; your purpose. As you probably have noticed this question is asked of you often. This also is for a purpose and you will notice that you begin to answer the question with more certainty every time it is presented to you for consideration.
You are close, Dear one. Hold tight to your knowingness, your Divinity, your Truth.
I will ask of those reading this to not concern yourself with the mention of a fourth stage and to not get caught up in questions asking what current stage you are in. If you are in a similar position as myself in this process then this message will ring true to you. Otherwise, it may not.
Also, the thoughts and patterns of thinking mentioned above are not negative ones. They align with your purpose. For me, I have had thoughts hit me out of the blue to do things to help people. For example, I keep getting the thought to visit the homeless people in my community and offer them Reiki treatments free of charge. This is very unlike me yet it is very much aligned to my purpose. When I get them I immediately think, “Why am I thinking that??”
I figured it was about time that I share some of the odd sensations and physical issues I have been having since my last update.
Current Symptoms
Coping Mechanisms
This is what I have been doing to handle some of my symptoms:
These are life changes I have made that have either eased or completely eliminated my symptoms:
Current DoTERRA Essential Oil Usage
Fantasy, Love and my dreams
Life in Kana-text (er... CONtext)
A Journey of Travels, Teachings, and Truths Told Plainly
The Pathway to Healing: Transform Your Pain into Power
by Destiny McCune
a poetry collection
Surfing the waves of change with a radically buoyant spirit.
None Dual Spiritual Awakening
Living Life in Between 