Tag Archives: spiritual

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Doing the Work

As you may have noticed from my most recent post, I am digging into my past lives again. I will be doing this for at least the next few weeks. As a result my posts will likely be focused upon these adventures more than on anything else.

Doing the Work

After today’s session it was clear to me that right now I am doing the work myself right now rather than the kundalni doing it. This is okay with me because I am having fun, but I it also allows me to stay more present in my body and this physical reality. Uncovering past lives and the unconscious decisions, pain and other considerations from those lives is a huge healing process. Not only does one have to confront very different perspectives and realities they have had but they also must re-experience them in order to clear the subconscious of the effects of these other lives. When done correctly, a person will feel much relief as they are unburdened from the weight of those lives and past decisions. It also allows one to be more present in this life; their attention no longer occupied by times long past. With each past life “erasure” there is another deceptive layer peeled off the conscious mind. When they are all peeled away one is left with the true self, unhindered by debris that has built up life after life.

Observations

I noticed something that may or may not lead to a discovery about myself. As I recall and re-experience more and more past lives, I am seeing just how very different I am in each of these lives. While re-experiencing the life, the thoughts I thought and the feelings I had resurface. I am many times able to get a good idea of my personality and patterns in the life as well. It has always amazed me that I am so very different life after life. I do not seem to have a “set” personality that continues unchanged from life to life. I had always thought that I would maintain some part of the “me” I know from life to life and that I would see evidence of it. Yet, I have yet to see any semblance of myself in this life in any of my other lives.

What do I see? Well, I see patterns or themes that are recurring. It is very obvious to me that I chose to play the role of victim in many of my “recent” lives (this is in quotes because I can see this pattern arising from late BC). I also notice that I have many of the same expectations of myself life after life. For example, in every life except for a few I have judged myself very harshly for not making better decisions and/or having more love or empathy for the people I interacted with.

There are also lives in which I very obviously came to experience one thing specifically. The life I recently wrote about where I was killed in combat is one of those lives. It is very different from the lives I have recalled so far in that I was in no way concerned about anyone or anything except my job which was to kill the enemy. I had no emotion, no regret, no guilt. I almost appeared to be “brain washed” into believing my sole purpose was to die for whomever I served. So far this is the only life where I have encountered a total lack of emotion upon death. Very disturbing but it served its purpose.

Finally, I notice that the farther back I remember, the “lighter” I feel when I re-experience those lives. There is an obvious lack of concern about things to come and a more adventurous attitude in general. For example, when I “failed” prior to around 1000BC I took the attitude of “I will get it right next time” rather than feel loss about whatever I failed at. This observation lends me to believe that there is some truth to how experiences in our past lives build up and impact our present self.

ascensionThe Reality of the Ego

Probably the most impressive realization of all these past life memories is just how very real the Ego is and the purpose it serves. From what I am gathering from just how very different I am life after life, it appears that the Ego is exactly what I have read it to be. It acts as our suit of personality from life to life. It is the overcoat we wear and then toss off after death. It is in fact the very reason for the differences in myself that I perceived as I re-experienced life.

The very acceptance of this is difficult for me because there is a part of me (the Ego of course!) that does not want to “disappear” when I die. I fear it so much that I grapple with ways to preserve what I perceive to be me. But my observations prove to me the opposite happens when I die. The Ego does not disappear, it is re-absorbed back into the True Self. When this happens that aspect of the Self rejoins the other aspects. This does not always happen at the moment of death but the process does begin at that point. How do I know this? Because I was able to see the two me’s distinctly at the time of my death. This was very obvious in the life where I was hanged. Though not yet merged the two aspects of myself were distinct. The one was frantic and panicked, the other was patient and understanding of the experience. From other memories of life between life I know that it takes time for the Ego to be reabsorbed completely, too. In these memories I was able to follow the Ego as distinctly separate for quite some time after death. Because these memories are not complete it leaves me wondering – does the Ego serve another purpose between life that I have yet to recall?

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Anatomy of the Kundalini

Tuesday has come and gone without any kundalini experiences or significant symptoms. It was by no means an uneventful day. I received the results of my labs and there were some subtle stirrings of kundalini. At about 8pm last night I noticed significant energy in my crown and third eye chakras. The energy in my crown was so intense I felt almost like I had a beam of light shooting out of the top of my head into the sky. The energy was not uncomfortable and I immediately forgot about it as I prepared for sleep and the coming work day.

I again had a dreamless, deep sleep and awoke much earlier than I needed to wide awake and ready for the day. What is going on?

Beginning Again

For the past three nights I have awakened with significant root chakra activity and a feeling of intense passion that is unfulfilled. I am usually warmer than usual and feel restless (who wouldn’t?). The dreams leading up to these experiences are lost to me. In fact, even upon waking I cannot for the life of me remember what I was doing before waking!

So what is going on? I have a knowingness that the initial rise of kundalini is finished and now it will begin again. The message I got about the top three chakras activating all at once was likely a true one, but since my top three chakras have been open and active since my initial awakening in 2003 the activation of them was nearly imperceptible. The reason my crown chakra was buzzing so intensely is because of those three chakras it has been the most likely to be blocked in the past and was likely once again partially blocked prior to a few nights ago.

Anatomy of the Kundalini

So now the process begins again at the root and will move up again through all of the chakras to the crown. This process will likely cycle through several times. How many? As many as it takes to purge and adjust each chakra to whatever level it needs to be at. I suspect that each rise of the kundalini will be a bit less intense than the one before.

I now understand a little more about why I feel intense energy at one chakra but then another will seem almost untouched. It is not that the other chakra is not being purged but that it has less blockages to be purged or is already in a balanced state so as not to be affected by the kundalini as it rises. This is true of my 3rd, 5th and 6th chakras. These three chakras are pretty much constantly open and clear when I check them. That doesn’t mean they are always open or without blockage but these three were wide open when the kundalini reached them.

From what I feel about the kundalini process I am experiencing right now, the intensity of the energy felt in the root chakra upon activation is indicative of how intense the kundalini energy will be felt in the chakras above it. The “lightning strike” immobilizing energy that I have felt on two occasions is similar to real lightning in that the “strike” short circuits the chakras it hits and “resets” it, clearing stagnant energy and blockages. Similarly, the smaller, all-over body vibrations is exactly what my guides said –realignment of the meridians and nerve pathways between the chakras. It really is like a complete rewire of the human energy system!

So…..here I go again on the rollercoaster of kundalini.

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Healthy!

Just wanted to update everyone since I have so many posts about health concerns.

I had a physical last Wednesday and got my lab results in today. I got a CBC, lipid panel, comprehensive metabolic panel and TSH. So basically the works. Everything was within normal range.

My main concerns were cholesterol, blood sugar and TSH. To my surprise, my cholesterol was at its lowest ever – 169! LDL and HDL numbers as they should be.Triglycerides were 50 which is real good, too.

My blood sugar was perfect at 80. I thought for sure it would be down in the low 70s because by the time my blood was drawn I had been fasting for 14 hours (long wait!). So, the concern that I may be diabetic or majorly hypoglycemic is out the window.

My TSH was 1.6 which is on the low end but not low enough for me to have a thyroid problem. So without a thyroid problem to cause the profuse sweating, intense hunger and hot/cold issues only hormone fluctuation remains but my doctor said that was very, very unlikely.

So looks like my health freak-out was just worry over nothing. I am probably in better health than the last time I had blood work done. Guess maybe it was all ascension-related.

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Rumblings Within

For the past couple of days I have felt the intensity of the energy drop substantially. I have not had much in the way of kundalini symptoms or energy fluctuations either. It is as if everything has stopped, but I am not naive enough to think that is the case. I have been through this before and when all is quiet there is usually much, much more going on below the surface.

Deep, Dreamless Sleep

I am once again feeling full of energy when I lay down to sleep. It has been taking me an hour or longer to fall asleep. Then, when I fall asleep, I sleep so deeply that I do not remember my dreams. They fade away within seconds of me opening my eyes.

These dreamless periods are necessary for integration and when I have them I gently remind myself that it is necessary and purposeful; that no matter how little I remember, there is a part of me that remembers it all and is utilizing every moment of dream time to perfect and prepare for the next stage.

Quiet

It has also been very quiet in my life – both within my thoughts and out in my world. Except for some strange, anxious energy that settled yesterday morning, there has been little excitement in my world. I have, however, been presented with tasks in my life via my job and personal connections. It is as if my spiritual guides took a step back in order for me to “see” the signs in front of my eyes. These messages were always there but I ignored them, more interested in spiritual matters. It is obvious that I am being nudged to not forget my purpose and roles here in the physical.

At least I am not resistant to these messages. I took them with a grain of salt and acknowledged them humbly.

Rumblings Within

When I think of how my life has been these last few days, I am reminded of a dark, quiet and calm lake whose surface shows little sign that anything at all is going on within its depths. Yet, if one were to dive deep down into it, they would find it teeming with life and activity. It appears that that is what is going on with me now and maybe others who are at the same stage as I am. We are preparing and resting, gathering our strength for the next surge of energy that will set our physical bodies spinning.

And there are signs, though subtle, of these “rumblings within”. I have been seeing repetitive numbers in sequence since the end of last week. For example, I saw 11:11 then 12:12 and 1:11, 2:22 and 3:33 all within the same day. The most common numbers I see, though, are 1:11. 11:11 and 12:12. I have also been waking from my dreamless sleep with a restlessness that I cannot describe and a warmth in my body that is familiar yet out of place. When I try to “look” into my heart for the answers I am met with calm as if I am being told “Don’t worry. All is well”. I am okay with this response but I keep looking; keep hoping that this odd, quiet yet somehow “off” period will soon be replaced with something more tangible.

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Avatar

My eventful night continued after the dreams of going to college.

Avatar

I found myself again semi-lucid and walking through the streets of Hollywood with a man. We stopped at a night club and he pointed out a well known actor, wanting to stop and take a picture with him. I suggest he not do that and when I did the actor turned and began to urinate on the side of the building. He was clearly drunk.

We went inside and the nightclub was pretty full. The lights were purple and in front of us sitting on the floor were two half-naked dancers chained to the bar. I looked around and saw large screens playing videos of light shows and some of what appeared to be video games. I went over and picked up a game control to investigate.

The next thing I know I am transported from the nightclub scene into a new, aqua-green world. I enter into a body and begin flying and exploring this new world. It reminded me of the movie Avatar. The experience was clearly an OBE but I was not fully lucid and most of it is lost to me now. The most memorable is the blue-green water and waterfalls that were in abundance on this world.

Healing

I awoke to buzzing energy in my body that jumped from one chakra to the other. The energy was constant around the crown of my head and I was very aware that I was receiving healing. I felt very calm and relaxed and lay there for some time just enjoying the energy as it flowed through me.

When the buzzing stopped I fell back to sleep and into a dream with my husband. My root chakra was excessively active and I kept trying to initiate sex with my husband but we kept being interrupted by our children. I awoke to buzzing in my root chakra. I tried to will the energy upward, hoping for the amazing total body orgasm that sometimes follows. I then heard my guide say to me, “Not yet. You cannot force it”. I wondered when and heard, “In two days”.

I fell back to sleep and awoke late in the morning. I immediately thanked my guide for I knew so much had been accomplished in my sleep and I was so very grateful. I heard him respond, “You’re welcome” and laughed. I could still feel the energy around the back and top of my head and recalled the message from during the night. My guide responded to my thought, “In one day”. I was confused at first and then realized that it was a new day so the message had been altered.

I wonder what Tuesday will bring?

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Test Fail

I have been having dreams about tests again.

The night before last I had a dream where I was in a classroom holding a stack of tests. I put my name on the test and was told that it was not time so I erased it. What was weird is that I could see a previously erased name in the same place where I had written my name. The message appears to be that I am either resistant or not ready for the “test” and that this is not uncommon.

Test Fail

Last night I dreamed of being inside a school. The hallways were narrow and brown in color and there were students coming and going. I was walking one way towards class and kept forgetting where I was going. I was also preoccupied with my cell phone because I had turned it on and it had malfunctioned. The malfunction was that there were ten times the number of icons on the screen than normal, most of which I was not familiar with. I could not find the text icon and when I did I got a list of other icons with it. It was very confusing. I showed the phone to a classmate, a tall, dark haired woman sitting by me. She said that I must have spilled something on the phone to cause it and that she could fix it for me. She handed me the phone and it had some moisture on the screen. For some reason her comment insulted me and I told her, “Never mind. I will figure it out for myself”.

In the hall a professor walked by me. He stopped me, waving a packet of paper in my face. He was my height with gray hair and I remember feeling nervous around him. He said, “It’s not looking good” in reference to how I had done so far on the test. He had not yet finished grading it, though.

I went to the classroom of this professor and waited outside the door. While I waited I glimpsed my reflection in a display and saw my hair was shorter than normal. Then I saw a list of classes posted. I began to read them to myself and noticed they were not classes I had ever taken before. The first one was, “Mechanisms of Micromanagement”. I read through the others on the list but cannot remember them all now. I do recall that they all had one thing in common – socialization and communication. I decided I should write the classes down because they were important. As I began writing down the first class I suddenly realized I was late for class. Reluctant to leave the list behind I went to the class and walked in as the professor was beginning to teach. The class was The History of Western Civilization and I had taken it before.

Interpretation

These dreams indicate to me that I am going through some remedial work to prepare me for the next kundalini event. Perhaps I am needing a “review” of lessons previously learned. Considering the resistance I encountered during the most recent kundalni event, I suspect I am being allowed to prepare myself for the upcoming changes. Plus, I am in a period of transition and being it was my heart that was activated this last time the transition may be a bit bumpy.

The phone in the dream indicates communication is coming into play as well. Perhaps I am learning how to communicate my feelings? I have been struggling with communicating emotionally charged topics. Plus, I have a meeting at work on Monday with my supervisor for reasons unknown. Unknown meetings with a supervisor always stress me out and I worry about what I have done wrong. I have had many instances in the past where I have cried in front of supervisors, unable to control my emotion. It makes me feel stupid and weak and I hope that I do not have such an incident again.

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Kundalini Patterns

The benefit of documenting kundalini experiences is that I am starting to see patterns. My last kundalini awakening was not documented so thoroughly and there are huge gaps and missing experiences that made it hard to detect any patterns. I now wish I had been more thorough but then again I did not even know it was kundalini until much later in the game.

Timeline

September 13 – dream about resuming class

September 28 – root chakra activation

October 8 – dream message about four levels

October 14 – dream about pulling teeth

October 21 – message that I have a “time keeper” and healing dreams

October 30 – November 2 – lightening bolt kundalini activity for a week

November 20 – healing experience with guides (Bulletholes post)

November 26 – dream of being at a university to attend school

December 1 – dream of taking a test

December 2 – preparation message giving date of 12/12/14

December 3 – 7th and 8th chakra kundalini activation

December 7 – test preparation dream

December 12 – major kundalini event

December 19 – message that chakras are being aligned

January 15 – dream about graduating

January 18 – guide message that chakras are being reset

February 1 – guide message of being attuned

February 9 – trapped energy symptom of kundalini

February 15 – OBE of teaching

February 23 – major kundalini event

February 25 – tooth alignment dream

February 26 – test dream where I was told not to take the test yet

February 28 – dream of failing a test and going to university

Pattern

The pattern I am seeing is pretty obvious.

Stage 1: There is a dream or a message from my guides indicating that something is about to occur. The most common for me are dreams involving tests and teeth.

Stage 2. Kundalini events come within days or weeks of the dreams. There are often small, specifically targeted kundalini events prior to a big kundalini event.

Stage 3: Period of transition that involves “attunement” and “alignment” following major kundalini event. Symptoms occur based upon chakras affected. Mini kundalini events are establishing new pathways in the body.

It is also very obvious that kundalni is rising from my root to crown at this time although there was a jump from the root chakra to the 7th and 8th chakras immediately prior to the first major kundalini event on December 12th. Why this occurred, I am not sure but I suspect it was to open up communication channels between myself and my team of guides in addition to getting my attention.

The most recent kundalin event centered around my heart chakra. This means that the next one will be in the fifth chakra and from the symptoms and dreams I have been having this transition may already be occurring.

Future

I have had two dreams recently about tests suggesting another major kundalini event is soon to come. I did not post about these test dreams but will soon be adding them in order to document them. Since the dream I most recently had was of me failing a test it could be that the next event will not occur until that test is “passed”. This recent dream also contained symbols about communication suggesting the fifth chakra is next on the list.

I am impressed at how quickly the kundalini is progressing. In a matter of six months I have gone through four chakras.

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Pounding Heart

It has been a rough couple of days.

After I sent healing the night before last I was kept awake by a sick baby who could not breathe from all the snot in his little nose. My mother-in-law came to help at midnight but then I could not settle to sleep. My heart was pounding in my chest like I was running and I felt “off”.

I went downstairs to take a Benadryl and saw three missed calls. This is at 1:30am and so I became worried about my husband who was scheduled to arrive home and should already have been home. I called back the number and it was the airport. She said, “He lost his car”. Hahaha! Within minutes he came through the door. By 2pm I tried to go back to sleep.

Again my heart was pounding and I was uncomfortably hot but my feet were ice cold! I eventually fell asleep but I suspect it was 3am by the time I did.

Skip to last night. After my normal bedtime routine I focused on my body’s energy like I usually do. After a few minutes my heart began to pound again like I was exercising. With it came an anxiousness with no source. I sat more upright and it helped but I was not getting any assistance from my guides. What the heck?

Strange vibrations shot through my chest area and behind my eyes was this strange blotchy light. It was greenish blue amidst the normal black. When I would see the color and feel the vibrations my heart would stop pounding (or maybe it was just not noticeable).

I asked for help and realized I needed to move my energy from top to down. After doing this a few times I found myself forgetting what I was doing in the midst of it. Before long I fell asleep.

Ascension Symptoms Update

  • Sleep disturbances
  • Pounding heart
  • Feeling uncomfortably hot
  • Short-term memory hiccups
  • Vibrations
  • Neck/back stiffness
  • Sensitivity to others energy
  • Heightened psychic/mediumship ability
  • Sweating
  • Ringing in ears
  • Pressure in head/popping in ears
  • Muscle spasms

The most noticeable and uncomfortable issues are the pounding heart, sensitivity to others energy along and heightened psychic/mediumship ability. I am pretty sure the heart pounding is a direct result of energy being trapped in my heart chakra because when I manipulated my own energy it stopped. I also know that the chakra clearing now is my heart chakra. The heightened sensitivity to others and increase in my psychic/mediumship is controllable and has not since been an issue. Thankfully, I am very good at blocking.

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Energy Funk

I’m not in a funk but it is obviously happening to many others. Wow!

Today I had my physical. At the doctor’s office I was positive and quite cheerful as I talked to the receptionist and gave her my cards. I plopped one down without incident but the other one fell sideways and spun toward her. She then looked at me with such an evil, hatred-filled looked that I was taken aback. The energy that she threw at me was just as bad. My stomach actually did a flip-flop from it! I looked at her, smiled and told her, “I promise I didn’t do that on purpose. I was just dropping it down like the other one and it did not go right”. She just stared me down.

I sat down and actually considered leaving the place. The negativity was very heavy and I felt almost overcome by it. I watched her do her thing behind the window, observing her body, her posture, her aura. She was really filled with ick!

She turned around and opened the window and gave me back my IDs. I almost told her, “Would it make you feel better if you threw them at me?” But I didn’t say anything. She might have done it as I felt she wanted to!

I eventually sat on the other end of the waiting room to get away from her energy. It took me a while to get thoughts of telling the doctor about her. I eventually let it go completely. The poor woman obviously was struggling and I meant her no ill.

Turns out the doctor was pretty low on energy, too. She was pregnant and pleasant but low, like she could turn on a dime. I was happy to get out of there.

When I got back to work I had an emergency situation that was very negative. Later, at a work event, I picked up on the thoughts and energy of some women who didn’t know me. I  introduced myself, explaining my schedule kept them from meeting me at other events, but I could feel the heavy energy from them. Later, I could feel the probing thoughts of one woman. She was wondering about me, questioning my presence there. I ignored them the best I could.

I am not a mind-reader but today I swear I heard actual thoughts/sentences with the negative energy. It was really uncomfortable for me but I handled it well. I have to be careful not to blurt out a response.

How to Respond

I understand my response was not ideal. I actually took in some of the receptionist’s energy for a bit until I realized it and discarded it. What I should have done was send her love and positive energy, even distance healing. At the time, though, I was caught off guard. I should have known better since I noticed the energy of the entire space was “off”.

I handled the second encounter better. I was pleasant and ignored the energy and protected my own energy without thinking about it. I long ago learned to put a bubble around myself to protect myself from negativity. However, hearing others thoughts (if that is really what I did) is new to me and I will have to double up on my protection and keep my Ego in check in order to not be affected. Finally, I got away from the energy, which is one of the suggestions I make in my series of posts Easing the Symptoms of Ascension.

It is obvious to me from today that some people are really struggling right now. I am going to send out prayers and healing to them tonight. Please join me if you have the time. I will be doing it around 10pm CST.

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Tooth Alignment

I slept deeply again last night. I am hoping this pattern continues as I am needing this break from OBEs, kundalini, and guide communication. It can get to be a little too much (never thought I would say that!).

My dreams are few and far between. Last night I had two I recall.

School Video

In this dream I returned to the old, 1920s era gym that was at my middle school growing up. There was a crowd there who were my classmates grown up. I was watching a video a classmate was showing the group. In it I saw myself from around 5th grade and it was clear as day. I remarked, “Mine (video) is blurry”.

The group was then playing volleyball together in the gym but I stayed on the sidelines saying, “I am not good at team sports”. The ball went into the gym once and I would not go in. I said, “You know it is haunted?”

As I was leaving a woman was freaking out in the parking lot. I saw her run away from a woman with short, gray-blonde hair who looked shocked. I instinctively knew the older woman had told the other woman something disturbing. I told the older woman, “You can’t just go up and tell people what you know/hear from Spirit. Some people can’t handle it.”

Tooth Alignment

This dream was strange in that I was at a dentist’s office but was not getting a procedure. Instead my teeth and mouth were being inspected by two dentists. One I never saw but knew was the primary one and the other was dark haired and the secondary dentist or partner. They were talking to me about aligning my teeth and I told them I didn’t want it done. I was pleasant about it and not concerned and neither were they. They inspected my teeth and told me about the procedure and how it was painless. I recall seeing in my mind the teeth being gently moved, like braces would do.

The dark haired doctor brought in a woman and her mother. I said, “Oh so since I am so easy you are going to work on someone else while I’m here?” I got the feeling they did not want to waste time but now I think they wanted me to see the procedure done on a willing patient.

The woman was my age and looked like she was from India – honey brown hair and skin almost the exact color of her hair. Her face was flawless and I remember looking really closely at her and hearing how she had the procedure done often. She was relaxed and her eyes closed, though she did take a peek at me.

When I was ready to leave the second dentist was asking me about my next appointment. He said he would be my doctor and said it would be $80. I said, “Well do you take insurance?” He indicated he did not and I said, “Well then I probably won’t come”. He appeared disappointed.

Interpretation

I awoke one time to my entire body shaking/vibrating but did not think much of it. I suspect I was OOB with my guides during these dreams, so that makes sense. The first dream is likely me discussing my past. Since the gym is haunted it could be there are some issues still related to school to work through.

The second dream is more interesting to me. I believe I was discussing whatever my next step is with my guides. Some kind of “alignment”. I am being stubborn about it and refusing and they are trying to convince me to do it. I am introduced to a different “doctor” as well. I was not distressed about it and my overall feeling is I just need a break right now so am waiting.