Tag Archives: spiritual

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Taco Woman: Etheric Experience

After waking at 5:30am from a very eventful night, I tried to return to sleep. My guidance was close and I suspected I would not get anymore sleep because my energy was unusually high.

At some point I became acutely aware of music playing to my right. It was not music I recognized but it was loud and enjoyable so I tuned into it despite knowing this was part of the trance state. The words are lost to me now, but at the time the voice of the lady singing sounded familiar, like Natalie Merchant (10,000 Maniacs) but she was singing with another woman and their voices blended perfectly.

Sensing the subtle vibrations that indicated I could exit my body, I contemplated rolling out of my physical body and attempting an OBE. There was a distinct feeling at this time that said to me, “You know better.” So, I decided not to attempt an exit and just linger in the energies which encapsulated my entire physical body.

At some point my astral vision turned on. All that was visible was a shifty, black and white atmosphere of energy. This is indicative of the etheric which is the closest plane of existence to that of the physical. Usually it is an exact duplicate of the physical plane but in my experience this is not always the case. What I know for sure at this point from my experiences in this shifty, heavy energy zone, is that I am still very much connected to my physical body and something about this connection limits my perceptions and ability to move about. It is only when I shift into one of my other bodies that I can escape the heaviness of the etheric and enter the astral plane. This article gives an accurate description of the etheric body and explains what I experienced this morning. I believe it is also offers a great explanation on my experiences in the in-between.

As I lay in my bed observing the etheric plane all around me, a part of my consciousness detached from my physical body and moved around. I never went very far and I never felt the energy indicative of exiting my physical body. Yet I was able to experience the etheric in much the same way as I would have if I had been OOB. In hindsight, this is fascinating to me because it was so very obvious that I have been doing this throughout my entire spiritual journey and had never been witness to the specifics steps involved.

I saw that superimposed over the top of my bedroom was another room. This is the room I had entered and where the music, now silent, was playing. There was a large table in the center. It looked like a table one would find inside a restaurant kitchen – metal and quite high and about eight feet by six feet, maybe bigger. There were two woman bustling about. They were going through a refrigerator located at the far end of the room. I never saw it but I perceived it. One by one they pulled out empty containers from the fridge and put them on the table. They were discussing a need to replenish supplies as they did this. One woman put a large jug of orange juice on the table and there was an exclamation from one of the ladies but I don’t know the exact words other than to know she was pleased to have found the orange juice.

At this point I moved across to one of the ladies who was in the process of walking around the table. I reached out and touched her shoulder. I remember wondering if it would be solid. It was. I could feel her. Apparently she felt me, too, because she stopped suddenly, her eyes quite wide. I attempted to hug her and she pulled away. She said to me, “You can’t see me.”  I said to her, “I can see you well enough.” I remember trying to focus on her and was able to get a good glimpse of her overall features. She was shorter than me, about 5ft tall, wearing a light colored blouse and blue jeans. She had long, black hair and her skin tone was medium. Her body shape was very round and squat. I knew she was Hispanic.

She was very uncomfortable but remained there, never quite looking at me directly but instead straight through me. I asked her who she was and why she was in my bedroom. She didn’t seem to notice my room but she said to me, “Your husband buys tacos from me.” She then said something about being curious about him.

During this time I could feel the energy shift and the familiar feel of losing my firm connection to the etheric. It feels like a whirlwind of energy sucking me back into the physical. I remember thinking to myself as the woman spoke to me, “I need to look at my hands or say ‘clarity now'”. I did neither. Apparently just thinking about controlling the energy kept me from shifting back to my body awareness.

I apologized to her and let her resume her activities. I then turned to the other woman and asked her who she was. She was less apprehensive and her energy was more accepting. Unfortunately my son yelled from downstairs and I came back to awareness in my body before I could talk to her.

Considerations

Upon waking up in my body I wondered about this strange etheric experience. Were these woman real but in some other location that I somehow traveled to? Did my husband really know this woman? Was she dead or alive? Why was I allowed to go into the etheric but I could not astral project?

One of my guides was near and explained to me that I could not go far from my body right now because my Light would attract unwanted attention. I wondered aloud to him, “What do I look like? Am I really that bright?” He showed me what looked like a blue and purple flame. I recognized it. I had seen another who looked like that in one of my OBEs. I had been extremely attracted to that “flame”. It is so beautiful!

I wondered how the women perceive me. Did they see a blue/purple flame? I was then shown how they perceived me. I looked like a brilliant white and silver energy in body form, ever-shifting and fluctuating. Woah.

He explained that I was only allowed to travel to the higher realms now – the astral and lower planes were off limits. I wondered how I got to these higher levels. He told me They brought me to them, bypassing the lower planes/levels.

Later, during breakfast, I asked my husband about “Taco Woman”. He told me a woman matching her description often came by his work to sell tamales and other food during lunch. He buys tamales mostly. lol She speaks English but he usually talks to her in Spanish (he is fluent).

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Chapter 4

Towards evening, after a day spent in the country with family, I began to hear a song that I hadn’t heard since I graduated high school. Boyz II Men, End of the Road. I kept hearing the chorus in my head. Since I don’t like the song (never did) or the group (sorry if you did/do like them) I pushed it out of my head. Whew!

Later, while attempting sleep, another song popped into my head. This one was more to my liking – The Doors, End. 🙂 The only part I was hearing was, “This is the end, my only friend, the end.”

I didn’t know at the time why I was receiving these messages in song about endings. I figured a relationship was coming to an end because I had an experience earlier in the day that led me to believe this was the message. I went into our back yard and as soon as I opened the door I heard an airy, “Bang!” and saw a dove fall from a tree in our back yard. I was stunned and a bit angry. The dove I had found previously had been shot and I suspected some kid was playing target practice. My suspicions confirmed, I looked all over for the perpetrator but saw no one. It was a pellet gun. I knew by the sound of it because my grandfather used them to kill squirrels. I sat outside waiting for another shot, but it remained silent. I don’t think the person wanted to be found out. Too bad. I would have confronted him and given him a piece of my mind.

It could very well be that a relationship has ended or is about to end, but that was not the message given to me as I meditated prior to sleep. I was told that Chapter 4 was beginning today and that I had concluded the previous chapter of this transformation. I still am not sure what the theme of that chapter was. Maybe illness since I was sick throughout it.

I was told that unlike the other chapters, which I had been shown were written with a partner, this chapter would be written only by me.

Chapter 4 is about initiation and preparation for Contact. This was given to me point blank and surprised me. They explained to me that I could not be distracted as any distraction would compromise learning. It was clearly stated that my main focus in life at this time was my children/family and spiritual transformation. Nothing else. Diversion from either path would interfere with preparation.

I was also asked again if I would agree to be Their channel. I agreed. I have no issue with helping Them and enjoy the energy sensations that come with channeling . I inquired as to what type of information I would be channeling. I was told it would be specifics about Their species and the work they are doing. I was assured it would be explained in a way that we humans could understand it.

 

 

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Clovers and Ladybugs

The energy yesterday was fantabulous! Did you take advantage of it? I did. 🙂

There were moments when the vibration got so high, though, that I got that familiar anxiety/panic feeling in my chest. I hate that feeling. How did I handle it? I went to the gym and grounded the hell out of it. lol It worked, too. Bye-bye panic feeling hello happy feeling.

When I came home, my mother-in-law took my two oldest to a birthday party. This gave me time alone with my youngest. We both love our time alone. We spent it outside enjoying the lovely Spring weather and exploring the back yard. There was a cloudless sky and a slight breeze – a perfect day.

I decided to sit in the grass. When I looked up at the sky, the crescent moon was right overhead. For some reason this made me smile and gave me great joy. I felt as if the moon was put there just for me.

Then I noticed I was sitting next to a clump of clover (which is actually Wood Sorrel). I love clover! It brought back memories from my childhood. I use to look for four leaf clovers all the time. I would eat the clover, too. They are yummy!

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The symbolism was not lost to me, either. Each clover has three, perfect heart shaped leaves. Since I had just received the message 333 by my guides the previous day I smiled because here it was again in abundance all around me. Each perfectly formed heart reminding me that I am loved and worthy of love. Thank you universe!

Here are a few pics of my son in the clover. The last one is of him tasting it. He didn’t like it too much. It’s an acquired taste. lol

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Do you see his mullet? I couldn’t cut his curls so I kept it long. We get comments on it all the time. People love it. lol

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Tasting the clover.

There were also an abundance of ladybugs about. There would be three or more on one plant!

Ladybugs symbolize happiness, good fortune, child-like innocence, and complete transformation.

Ladybug spirit animal shows that the last, big step of your transformation will result in a quantum leap from one way of being to a brand new one. You will have a gap or quiet, inactive time when this shift is happening in you, but others will be able to see it taking place. Source.

I had not seen so many ladybugs in one place before so I took some pictures and showed them to my son. He was as fascinated as I was.

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All pictures were taken with a cell phone.

There were also aphids all over the place. I pulled up some weeds and my hands were covered in the little green guys. I didn’t take any pictures of them. They kinda creeped me out so I stopped investigating the bugs of our back yard after that. lol

I learned later that ladybugs eat aphids. I didn’t know that! No wonder there were so many hanging around.

After that we took a trip down to the creek. It is actually an overflow ditch but water runs there year-round and there is an entire ecosystem available to explore. The creek marks the border of our property. We don’t even own one acre but we have way more to explore than our previous 4 acres provided. Such a blessing!

 

As you can see, Spring has sprung in Texas. It has been greening up since mid-February. Last week it rained every day and the creek overflowed its banks. Our house is very close (you can see it in the pic), but we are not located in a flood plane/zone. The water has, however, come up uncomfortably close to the house.

It is another gorgeous day today and the first day of Spring Break, too. Wishing you all a joy-filled, beautiful day!

 

 

 

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Chapter 3

I had a very odd day yesterday. Perhaps it was being so horribly sick or maybe it was the intense energies, or maybe both, but I was out of it most of the day. I didn’t feel like myself and my body felt weird, like there was this strange energy occupying it.

In the evening my husband arrived home earlier than is normal. He is also sick and so we were a lovely pair being sick together with three not-at-all-sick children with high levels of energy. Thankfully, I had gained back some energy and was feeling more like myself and was able to keep the kids occupied.

I worked with our two oldest on a  science project to give my husband a reprieve (they climb all over him when he comes home). My kids, anxious to get started, began to try and do the project on their own. I knew they needed my help so I told them, “You need a human to help.” I began to laugh at myself for what I just said because in my mind I was saying, “You need an adult (me) to help.” So why on Earth did I say, “human”? Then, I remembered my middle son’s argument that he wasn’t human. He would argue until he was blue in the face – “I’m not human. I’m a kid.” I burst out laughing even harder. Now here I was saying “human” rather than adult. My daughter caught on very quickly an began to laugh, too. She said to her brother, “Mommy is an alien, too.” LOL

Great end to an otherwise miserable day, don’t you think?

Chapter 3

When I awoke this morning, the three Light Beings (Yeshua) were nearby. I said to them, “I’m in Chapter 3 aren’t I?” They confirmed. Then They told me they would be leaving soon. Today. This made me sad. They found this interesting and said, “But We scare you.” I told them, “Only your energy scares me.”

They told me I would be receiving new guidance. Then showed me that they were part of the Council of 9 and I had been in “discussion” with them for some time now. They corrected me on my interpretation of what this Council does. They referred to it as a “round table discussion” giving participates equal say. This was an ah-ha moment for me as I have always consider the Council as being “over” me in some way. This is definitely NOT accurate. Perhaps I should not call them the “Council” at all then? But then what do I call them? Advisory board? lol

I was able to remember that part of this discussion was my agreement to allow these Beings through me in order to observer and experience. I realized that was probably what I accidentally intercepted yesterday morning when I got all kinds of weird messages. I had agreed to allow them access, so perhaps they did just that? Yet another odd experience to add to my long list. lol

So what exactly occurs in Chapter 3? I can’t remember. Sorry. lol I am just happy to have moved on. Remember there are 7 total. I’m not even half-way through yet. 😦

 

 

 

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Curcuma Longa (Turmeric)

I wanted to write very briefly about Curcuma Longa, or Turmeric. In case you don’t recall, on the 18th of February, the night I had the lucid dream which resulted in the Union, Curcuma was mentioned to me by my counterpart. I didn’t tell you all, but the next morning the first thing I did was run to the Vitamin Shoppe and buy some. I have been taking it daily ever since.

I did little research before heading to the store other than checking very quickly to make sure it did indeed have spiritual relevance. Sure enough, I discovered that it aids in the cleansing of the chakras, the subtle energy body, and the nadis.

One article suggest using Turmeric in conjunction with a regular Yoga practice:

  • Pain and inflammation: Yoga involves asanas (body postures), some of which are not easy in the beginning. Yoga practitioners, especially in case when one is just starting, may face pain and inflammation due to asanas. This is very similar to when one starts to jog / run, there are muscle, joint pains initially. Turmeric with its amazing healing properties helps body in these situations and keep body fit for yoga till the body gets used to it. Use of turmeric ensures that one can continue with yoga with ease and for longer duration. This may also help in attaining perfection in asanas quickly. I know a few yoga instructors who advice their new students to drink turmeric milk before sleeping in case they feel mild pain rather than applying external ointments.

  • Purification : Yoga stresses a lot on purification of body and mind. Through asanas one can cleanses not only body toxins but also attain peace. Turmeric also plays a similar cleansing role inside our body and assists yoga. A body free of toxins remains healthy and also fit for yoga.

  • Improves flow of vital energies in body : According to Mr. Prashanti Jager, turmeric also increases the flow of prana (vital energies) in our body. It also helps purification of vital energies.

  • Well known and safe : There can be many more reasons why people prefer turmeric over other herbs, one is that it is one of the safest herbs and also a long track record of providing health benefits (thus well established).

Another article revealed why my counterpart was talking about India when discussing Tumeric with me. It is used as part of Ayurveda.

From an Ayurvedic standpoint Turmeric can additionally be used:

1. As a blood cleanser.
2. As an anti-inflammatory.
3. For nutritional support of the Spleen and Pancreas.
4. To aid in the metabolism of Protein.
5. As a metabolic balancer.

From a spiritual standpoint, Turmeric can aid in:

1. Cleansing the charkas.
2. Cleansing the subtle body.
3. Cleansing the nadi’s (the channels of the subtle body).
4. Cultivating relationships with feminine form of divinity.
5. Cultivating feelings and awareness of prosperity.

I  can’t say I have noticed any significant difference from taking it daily other than accidentally staining my clothing a bright yellow. 😦 However, I trust that it is doing its work. Why else would it have been brought to my attention?

 

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Connecting the Dots

After writing my last post I realized that I did not explain something very key to this process I am going through. In reading my post I saw how similar it is to someone who is about to commit suicide. I assure this is not what is happening, even though it seems similar. I am fine. In comparison to other points in my life which were like mountains in their enormity, this is a hill.

This is not the first time I have been at this point in my life. I went through a similar process during my Dark Night. All of the memories coming up for review are ones I have already confronted and handled. I made my peace with my past a long time ago. That doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt when I look at it. Right now I am letting go of the residual attachment and emotion I have to these incidents in my life. It is a relief to release them. The more honest I am about my past, the better.

Right now I am uncertain what is at the end of this road. Although I am being told this is a walk-in/walk-out, the idea is still very alien to me in many ways. Remember, the walk-in has been with me throughout this life as my Companion. He came into this life with me. To me, he IS me. We are not separate and he has always been there. I trust him wholeheartedly.

Part of me thinks that this process is merely the obliteration of the Ego, the crumbling of the illusions I have built my life around. Whether this is the case or not will be known soon enough. I will say that I woke with a strong desire to write a farewell letter to my family and also a letter to the Walk-in. Why do I feel this need? It makes no sense yet at a subconscious level I am accepting that a big change is about to take place and in not knowing what I will be like when it is said and done I feel I need to prepare. Weird, but apparently this is not uncommon among walk-outs. No, I haven’t written the letters yet, but I am certain it will come in the not too distant future.

Connecting the Dots

After I wrote my last post I had a near panic attack and asked for the walk-in to take over. Within minutes I was listening to music, cleaning house and feeling clear headed. No anxiety feeling. Information that was not previously available came pouring in and the dots began to connect.

After my awakening in 2003 I was heading down this same path. I entered into the Dark Night almost immediately after and was reviewing my life constantly whether I wanted to or not. I made huge leaps and gains and was at the point where the merge with my Companion could be initiated. That is when I changed my mind. I had freed myself enough that I felt I could handle more of life and allow myself to be loved. At the time I was thrown into confusion because I had felt my life was “over”. It is a hard feeling to explain but it feels like life is complete; all planned lessons learned. Once I accepted the new timeline it got easier. I didn’t have much time to get in all that I wanted, so things moved very, very fast. And then the familiar feeling of being done came back. It is an unmistakable feeling. When asked what I wanted, I never had an answer. The only answer I would give was, “Nothing, I feel done.”

I’ve had questions from the beginning about my Companion. I am told he is a part of me, like my other half but then I am told I have other, other halves. How is this even possible? The Union dream I had really threw me into confusion-land because I met one of my counterparts yet he didn’t look/feel like my Companion. WTF?

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The best explanation I have gotten thus far is that we started as One, then split into Two and then the Two each split again. This happens exponentially as each of us matures. So all this Twin Flame nonsense is wildly distorted. Technically, we can have a never-ending amount of Twin Flames if you consider just how frequently we “split”. What I was shown is that my most intense connections are now Four. This only means that the point of experience for me is now located within the first couple of divisions. Meeting any of the other three would create one hell of an intense connection. I experienced one and I will tell you that it should be illegal. Do not try this at home. Adult Spiritual supervision required. LOL

The spider web analogy works well here. At the center are the main supports and all others branch off from them getting ever wider and adding more and more branches. We can choose our experiences to be at any point on the web. We are all of them, all the time.

Yeah, no wonder I was confused! Add to that the experience of the Union (or whatever it was) and it is no surprise that I want to walk-out.

 

 

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Life Review Panel

After several days of being in a strange calm and having this other aspect (walk-in) in primary control, I am finally being allowed to express to you all what is happening. It is not that I was being commanded to be quiet. This isn’t it at all. It is more like I needed to Be quiet in order to Allow, Reflect and Process.

Even now, though, it is hard to be in the forefront of my own mind. I begin to type and my mind freezes; blanks out. I feel I am not suppose to go too deep into my side of this journey; that there are certain limitations to be upheld. Even those last few words weren’t mine, yet they came from me. I can’t figure out how it is possible for such a thing to happen and just considering it causes me concern. Too much of my Christian upbringing interferes with my logic. It is like I panic and think, “I’ve been possessed!” Yet I know this is total nonsense.

You can see how completely insane this all sounds.

What I am allowed (I hate using that word) to communicate is what happened this morning. So that I will do.

Life Review Panel

When I woke up this morning I knew I had been in a discussion with my Panel, though the word panel was confusing to me. I had only ever heard Council so I knew this was something altogether different. I saw the Panel in front of me as I tried to get my bearings. It was just a flash of memory but then something about that flash brought on everything we had been discussing all at once.

Tears began to pour out of my eyes.

Memories followed. Memories mostly from my childhood. So many memories that I cannot remember them all in the order they were reviewed. It is like pictures of a photo album flipping page to page so fast I cannot keep track.

I grabbed hold of a belief/decision I came to long ago. The decision/belief was, “Nothing good ever lasts”. There were other similar ones like,”I must reject others before they reject me,” and “When I’m happy I get hurt.”

Memories (in no particular order)

I remembered when I was very young, maybe 4 or 5. My mom was laying in her bed and opened her arms up to me inviting me to snuggle. I hesitated. In my mind I remembered receiving both love and hate from her. The feeling she sent me was never consistent and the hate/anger she sent was so unbearable and in direct opposition to the feeling of love. It hurt. I decided then and there never to accept love from her again. I told her, “No” and when she reached out lovingly and hugged me close, I pushed her away.

Then came all the memories from the divorce. Oh I hate those memories! Mom telling me bad things about my dad. Dad telling me bad things about my mom. Mom probing me for answers after I would visit my dad. Me in tears every time I had to go on weekend visits with my Dad. Dad breaking into our house and stealing from us, from me. Dad telling me he would not take me home.  I was so terrified I would never get home that I memorized the 1 hour trip to my Dad’s and was able to show my mom how to get there when she couldn’t find him. Only a traumatized child could do something like that.

I remember crazy energy and emotions bombarding me all the time. No one ever told me what was going on. No one helped me understand. That is when I started begging God to let me die. I thought over and over, “I wish I were dead.” These thoughts have never really gone away completely, either.

As any child under similar circumstances would do, I began to act out. I got more spankings than I can count and was so defiant I  would laugh at my mom when she spanked me despite the pain. I didn’t want her to win.

I remember my mom being so fed up with me that she started threatening to take me to an orphanage. She even showed me a flyer about a boarding school for girls. In one instance, on a road trip to Houston, she stopped on the side of the road and made me get out of the car telling me she would call the orphanage to come get me. Talk about traumatizing! I really thought she was going to leave me there.

It’s not like I was a good little girl, though. I was awful, really. I did awful things. I thought awful things. I use to purposefully do things to get my little sister in trouble. I carved her initials everywhere and cut up my clothes so she couldn’t get them as hand-me-downs. And the thoughts I had back then, no little girl of 7-8 should ever have such thoughts. I was truly disturbed and defiant.

Though I was a straight A student, I went to the principal’s office every single year until I was a freshman in high school. Usually it was because I would tell off a teacher or refuse to do what they asked me to do. When I was 7 I was so horrible one day that I got “the paddle”. This was back when corporal punishment was still allowed. My mom witnessed it. It was humiliating. You know what got me there? I chased down a boy on the playground and kissed him. LOL

Then there were the memories of how I never had friends and the friends I did have  I mistreated. There was the friend who I beat up in the bathroom when I was 4 despite the fact that she was almost a foot taller than me. Then there was the friend who I was mean to all the time when I was 8. I made her cry over and over and never felt bad about it. I thought it was fun (WTF, right?). This all reversed flow on me later on, though.

And I don’t even remember everything from that time in my life. I believe I disconnected from everyone and everything in order to protect myself from all the pain. Everything in my life was destroyed. It is no wonder I decided that happiness = hurt, and decided that anything and everyone I loved would end up hurting or rejecting me. My solution was push everyone away. Reject them first. And when I did allow love into my life, I always knew it would not last, that it would be taken away from me and it would be my fault because I am no good, worthless and deserve it.

Yeah, disturbing.

If you have made it this far, thank you. I am sorry for all the negative history regurgitation.

Questions

After all this memory influx, I was asked, “What do you feel is your greatest life accomplishment?” Without hesitation I answered, “My children”.

Then I was asked, “What do you feel is your greatest life regret?”

This one took me a while but I eventually answered, “I didn’t live. I was too afraid to live.”

Ultimately, then, my greatest regret is succumbing to fear.

They then asked me, “What lessons do you still have to learn?”

And I knew the answer instantly. “I still need to learn how to be alone.” Yay! I am guessing my next life will be fun. 😦

 

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The Ever-Evolving Tapestry of Experience

I should probably post this in my other blog but I didn’t want to neglect everyone who follows this one. I encourage you to follow my other blog if you have not already because my focus is being pulled toward the new one completely. As those of you know who have reached this same point in your journey, resistance is futile. lol

I wanted to share with you a bit of the knowledge that I received in the night.

I was awakened at 9:30pm. I could not remember any of my dreams and I felt I had slept all of the night but it had only been about an hour, maybe less. How strange to feel so much time had passed!

Slightly disoriented, one of my guides seemed almost to “push” upon my energy. It was a nudge of sorts and focused on my third-eye and crown. When he did this I had instant recollection of something quite awe inspiring.

I saw very clearly what I knew to be the Tapestry of Experience. Yet, it looked nothing like any tapestry I have ever seen! It was made of energy. The energy wove together and moved, ever-changing. It was alive and pulsating and strands of it dangled here and there. These “dangling” threads were quickly “sewn” in with the rest and I knew this was a job not taken lightly. I also knew this had once been my job. I “tied up” those loose ends and reintegrated them into this energy fabric.

These loose ends, pieces that dangled haphazardly from the Tapestry were reintegrated by being reborn. Each thread, each piece of living energy/light was a lifetime of experience.

The Tapestry was magnificently long. It stretched beyond my line of sight and it constantly moved, swaying as if it were blowing in the cosmic wind.

As I absorbed this memory, I recalled moving farther away from this Tapestry and viewing it from a distance. I saw then that it was not a tapestry at all. It was the very building blocks of life! I saw strands of DNA. A double helix, twisting and turning, the rungs of its ladders shimmering and sparkling as if covered with diamonds.

In awe, I did not know why I was being shown this glorious memory of something far greater than I; something that is beyond my ability to comprehend. Yet, at a deeper level, I understood it completely. It made total sense to me.

Every decision we make, every lifetime we live, every connection we make – it is all recorded in this Tapestry and it is all US. As we Experience, we Evolve. Interconnected in the very fabric of the universe.

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Time to Elaborate a Bit

I am still processing everything that happened this morning but I wanted to share with you more of the details. I also need to write this down as I am still experiencing the effects of it. My heart chakra has been blasting away all day. The main energy is an anticipation or nervousness. At least it is not pure out panic. My third eye is also blazing away. I still feel like I am radiating energy – projecting it almost.

This morning when I awoke overwhelmed by what had just happened, I had not fully awakened despite sitting up in bed and crying. I kept going into the in-between. While there I heard a quiet voice telling me I was beautiful and the heart energy would fire up and I would get too aware again. I also had visions of seeing myself in a coffin. I saw several coffin visions, actually. This is also when I heard the voice tell me, “You’re ALIVE.” It was said in such a way as to interrupt my freaking out. There was emphasis on the word “alive”. It was said, “Ah-live”. lol At the time I didn’t think anything of it. I was too caught up in my mind, but now I realize a part of me was just born.

My mind was in overdrive. I couldn’t control it and I wanted to get up and write an email but I kept hesitating. I am glad I didn’t now as the energy of the computer would have likely thrown me off even more. But the desire to write was very strong. I knew so much all at once. It was like an inflow of huge amounts of information – information about my past, present and future. I don’t recall it all now, but it was part of the reason I was freaking out. I went down stairs and paced and paced for I don’t know how long. Too much energy. Too many thoughts.

I knew I had caused this to happen. I asked for it to happen a couple of nights ago. I actually asked for an OBE but was denied it. I had thought my requests had fallen on deaf ears. I guess not. Really happy about that now.

So this is what I experienced in that Union.

Intense love beyond anything I have ever experienced. It ignited every single chakra and I felt all the emotions connected to those chakras. It was like I lit up like a flare and sparks of energy went flying out my crown and my root at the same time. My mid-section was the most intense with a very, very pleasant yet explosive energy. Not sexual at all, believe-it-or-not. It was more like complete opening of Self. Raw, vulnerable and eager all at the same time.

In the few moments that I was caught up in this bliss I felt connected to everyone, everything; to Source. It was not just a connection to my “partner” but to everything and everyone that ever existed. It was like merging with him opened my eyes to something I had long forgotten existed. In that I realized I AM love. I AM all of it. I do not lack for anything.

When I awoke and the energy was still running through me, my vision was filled with flashes of the faces of people I had known in this life. Mom, Dad, sisters, brother, in-laws, husbands, children, friends, acquaintances, bosses….the list goes on. With each flash of a face I knew I loved them. All of them. Without a doubt. All I had was love for them. And I felt a connection to them as well. They are me.

The fear reaction I had to all of this was Ego. When I was able to get out of my mind and stay in my heart, there was only calm and a perfect happiness. There is a fullness and confidence in my heart that wasn’t there before; a knowing that everything is working out as it should.

I won’t deny that I am asking for it to happen again. Maybe this time I won’t wake up and cut it short. But then, the intensity of the experience is such that I don’t know what would have happened had I stayed. I am thanking my Team wholeheartedly this morning. They never fail to produce.

Oh and there was a song in my head as well. I almost forgot about it. Coldplay’s The Scientist (again). The only parts I kept hearing were:

I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions, Oh let’s go back to the start.

Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard.

 

 

by

Why is This Happening to Me??

I’ve been up since 3:30am so excuse me in advance for any discombobulated thoughts or wording.

The night was normal energy-wise, but I had received a message that my progress would be accelerated. No big deal. I had heard that before and so knew (kinda) what to expect.

Lucid Dream: Someone’s Been Cleaning Up

After a night of dreamless sleep, I suddenly became aware of my dream, semi-lucid. I was with someone and we were discussing my life, though what specifically is lost to me now. What I do remember is flying along a road I use to drive every day to school when I was in high school. I have everything about that road memorized I drove it so frequently. However, as we flew I noticed the road looked like someone had scraped the top of the asphalt off. Also, on the right in a field I knew well (I use to fish at the pond there) I saw enormous trash bags piled one on top of the other. These trash bags were the size of buildings! I remember saying, “Looks like someone’s been cleaning up”.

Lucid Dream: Meeting My Teacher

Then the scene shifted and I was very much more aware. I was going to school and had missed some classes so had to talk to my teacher. I remember meeting him, an average-looking man with black hair and somewhat darker skin than mine. He was older than me, probably late 40s – early 50s.

As we walked together toward the classroom, we walked on top of set dinner tables, which was odd. I remember our discussion was about him and his travels. He was telling me about India and the food. We specifically talked about Curcurma and I saw this roundish, cantaloupe looking fruit but I knew it was not cantaloupe. It was orange like the inside of the cantaloupe, though.

The class initially felt like P.E. class but then he explained I would miss the current assignment which was a lab of some sort with vials and glass tubes. I remember seeing the image in my head, like he put it there as a thought form.

He kept looking at me very strangely and I noticed this but ignored it because I am use to being stared at by men. Yet at the same time I liked him. He was very nice.

We began to talk more about me and I ended up having an in-depth conversation with him about my life – my education, my family, how I felt, etc. As we talked he would pace around in front of me and I was laying on a bed on my stomach with my head resting on my hands very relaxed. He told me about his current issues, but all I remember now is he complained about his lower back hurting him. He seemed really tired – tired of life and tired in general. I felt similarly and understood.

While we talked I began to feel a strange familiarity about this man and began to like him more and more. When he would walk closer to me (he paced a lot) I would feel this strong connection but it was bearable and he seemed to notice it, too, and would back off. I remember telling him about starting a family and my three children. He said to me in reply, “So you had three children in seven-and-a-half years?” I said, “Yeah” and then I realized how crazy it sounded and smiled. I also remember telling him that I got my Master’s degree but didn’t want to use it. He just listened and I felt he genuinely wanted to know about me. It was nice to be heard.

Then he was suddenly right next to me on the bed on my right. He took my right arm and wrapped it around his waist. Only then did I realize he had no shirt on because I could feel his bare skin. He said to me, “Put your arms around me and love me until the day you die”. When he said this (even now it is affecting me) I was overwhelmed by the most magnificent feeling in my heart center and I wrapped my arms around him as if I would never let him go. The love coming into my heart – the pure connectedness, the sensuousness, the electricity, the wholeness – surged into my heart and expanded outward. It felt like a huge bubble. Then it expanded down into my lower chakras. At the same time it expanded upward into my upper chakras.

It was pure, magnificent bliss beyond anything I have yet to experience. I felt like I was dying and being born at the same time.

Why is This Happening to Me??

Unfortunately, the intensity of the encounter woke me up and I immediately sat up and began to cry. The tears were slow and just came out of my eyes like a faucet. I both wanted to go back to him and to run away at the same time. It made no sense. It makes no sense.

I spent the majority of the morning in confusion. This encounter has me turned in all directions, not knowing what to do. I had to get up and smoke a cigarette. Yeah. It was that intense an experience and my mind was all over the place as was my heart. It was like my entire being was screaming at me, “Make a change!” WTF!?

I kept asking (still am asking), “Why is this happening to me??!” There are so many emotions and thoughts raging even now. I don’t understand. I can’t even fathom the enormity of this. It is beyond my ability to comprehend. How can I feel/BE/share such LOVE?? And what is even more crazy is that I know that love is ME! It makes me want to cuss every cuss word I know (and I have/am) and I don’t even fully comprehend why this is. Why does something so beautiful, so perfectly right, terrify me so much?