Tag Archives: spiritual

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Manifestations of the Shift: Update

I have had a strange feeling this entire week. I do not know how to describe it other than to say I feel like something is coming, like on the verge.

I wanted to update you all on what I have been experiencing energetically and physically.

  • Almost constant third-eye activity, sometime intense
  • Heart chakra activity brought on at will with just a thought or intention
  • Second chakra activity – warm, buzzing, pleasant feeling
  • Strong connection with guide/HS, constant
  • HS connection accompanied by intense third-eye/heart/second chakra buzzing and warm energy that spreads from heart outward (wonderful)
  • Communication from HS integrating with everyday thoughts, as if streaming in continually and bringing a strong knowing unlike before
  • Energetic healing on all levels occurring day and night
  • Alignment between heart and mind on-going
  • Faint/dizzy feeling coming on without notice; tends to accompany a semi-trance state that I go into without recognizing I am
  • Tendency to hold my breath when receiving communication from Team (could be bringing on dizzy spells).

Overall I feel like my day and nights are merging; as if I am now living in a state that once I only experienced at night. In other words, I feel to be in the in-between, or very close, all the time. This sometimes leaves me feeling unreal or dream-like, but even this feeling is diminishing.

The constancy of the energy in my third-eye and heart is becoming a new norm for me. I have never experienced such strong sensations in either chakra all day every day like this ever. It comes with a feeling that this is how it is suppose to be, how we humans are meant to feel – energetically connected all.the.time.

I won’t say it is a blissful feeling, but it a comforting one. A constant reminder that I am not this body but a spiritual being and that I am not alone. I am never alone but joined with a larger part of myself at all times. In this I feel more whole and accepting of things. I experience being both the Experiencer and the observer at the same time.

 

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Dreams and Symbols

Yesterday I was visited by a familiar friend as I attempted to zone out while watching television. I heard, “Remember you are not this body. This is all an illusion”. When I heard this, I looked up at my living area and at my son who was sleeping silently nearby. My vision clarified and seemed to shimmer subtly and I felt very strange, as if I could leave the scene at any moment. Of course, I didn’t, but my attention had been diverted where intended. It was a reminder to not get caught up in this illusion.

Later, towards evening, I saw a symbol in my mind. It kept repeating and I was unsure what it meant exactly. However, it triggered a memory of the in-between and I knew I had seen the symbol along with others. The symbol resembled the fermata which is used in music to indicate that a particular note be held. Yet when I saw it I thought it looked like an eye.

As I slept, I had various odd dreams and the symbol reappeared.

Dream: Flooded Clean Bathroom

In this dream I recall only that I went inside my old bathroom at my Mom’s house. When I went inside it was obvious that a great flood of water had gone through. There was debris – leaves, twigs, dirt – piled up against the door and in other areas. The bathtub, toilet and floor was all spotlessly clean. I remarked that I had never seen it so clean in my life and began to clean up the debris.

horusDream: Painting an Eye

In another dream I was with a woman who was preparing to paint. She told me she needed an eyeball and opened up a cabinet to reveal piles of eyeballs. They appeared to be the real deal and I asked her about them. She said,”I need the real thing for this”.

She selected an eyeball and began to paint onto it an iris and pupil in 3D. When she was done, though, the painting was in 2D and very unrealistic, mostly in black and white. I remember when I saw it the symbol I saw prior to bed. I wondered what it meant and where I’d seen it.

Symbol

I researched the symbol, first looking at ancient hieroglyphs and other writing, but I could not find it. It was then that I realized I had seen it in music and sure enough I found the fermata was exactly what I had been seeing.

I did find that the symbol I saw, when inverted, was part of the Phoenician writing, the dot representing a star or planet and the crescent representing the moon. The sign was also part of US Hobo signs and meant “Cops active”. The inverted version is part of the Aum symbol and represents a state of transcendental consciousness. Finally, the same symbol I saw is part of the Mayan hieroglyphic system meaning the new or waning moon together with Venus.

I can’t help but wonder why I keep seeing this symbol. I believe it is linked to the symbols I have been seeing prior to bed when I meditate. I see two triangles, one above me and one below, pointed toward one another. I then feel that I should put my hands above my heart in a diamond shape. When I do this, the two triangles intersect and begin to rotate. At the same time my heart chakra pulls considerably, almost painfully. I believe that this is a method of intense clearing and also linked my third-eye with my heart as my third-eye typically activates as well.

My dreams seem to go along with this clearing, especially the bathroom one. Such a positive dream indicating that much clearing out of negativity and “waste” has been done. The eye appears to be linked to the eye of Horus, though I am not sure the significance here.

 

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A Future Exchange

I’ve been mulling over much of my experiences thus far. I’ve especially been thinking about what happened back in May when I felt to not be alone in this body. What was that? Was it the soul exchange I kept being warned about? Or was it a “visit” by another aspect of me?

As I consider the experience and how I felt while it was occurring, I suspect this was a visit by another aspect of myself, or the “we” in me. This is what feels appropriate. During this time, this other me brought with them a higher vibration and a purer energy which allowed me a glimpse of more of myself – a self in which the Ego was diminished and lessons here could be viewed as they are. The other me brought to my attention many lessons and insights I otherwise would not have had. All the while I experienced life differently and with more reverence than I ever had. I saw it through the eyes of the other me. I Remembered.

Ultimately this visit was in fact an exchange. But I wonder why it did not continue? Why was it so short lived? Was it a test to see if I would allow it to occur? Was it to prepare me for a more lengthy visit yet to come?

I am still reading Dolores Cannon’s Convoluted Universe Book 2 and recently read about soul facets which come into the body, taking turns and sometimes “braiding” one into the other for a period of time lasting  hours to days, weeks and even permanently. This resonated with me. In fact, the experience I had in May seems very much like a temporary braid-in where another facet of my soul came in and blended with me.

I must say that I long for a return of that experience. I am more than willing to allow this other facet to come in and take a turn, even permanently. Though I cannot say that I am willing to completely leave and allow them to permanently take control. Perhaps that is why the braid-in was only temporary? I changed my mind somewhere along the way and so it did not last. I keep being reminded of what my guide told me not long ago. He said, “You are ambivalent”. Perhaps that is the problem? One moment I do not want to be in life and am happy to let another aspect step in and the next I feel the exact opposite. I can relate to this very much.

Since I am told another exchange is to occur in the future, perhaps we are to give it another go and see what happens. Maybe this time the braid-in will be permanent? Or perhaps the new aspect will take over completely?

Right now I am eager to get to the moment when this exchange occurs. I can’t wait!

 

 

 

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A Visit to Europa

Awoke at 5:30am this morning for my usual “Check-In”. I am getting use to these meeting times and this morning it was welcomed. There was a sense of comfortable acceptance likely left over from the day before.

Dream: A Course on Dreams

The dream scene shifted and I was standing at the door to a class room. A man with dark hair was sitting at a desk reading a paper and drinking coffee. When I saw him it startled me and I began to back out. He asked me, “Are you a new student?”

I replied, “Yes”.

He said, “Ah. Don’t forget to read up on the notes before class”.

I knew this was not my class, though, as I saw an image with his words that showed History notes.

I managed to make it to my classroom that was already filled with students. Without knowing how, I knew the class was on “Dreams” and that we were learning not only how to decipher them but how to create them. I sat down comfortably in my row at my desk next to familiar classmates.

Dream: Obstacle Course

The dream scene shifted again. I was at an obstacle course with my classmates that included holographic images that would be triggered by our movements/actions. I made it through both rounds quickly because I recognized the illusion of the hologram. In one case it was fire that exploded out and threatened to scorch us to death. In the next it was bluish-colored energy balls and deep crevices.

I made 2nd place both times. I remember complaining the last time, “How did I get 2nd? Surely no one beat my time of 20 minutes?” Apparently someone had, though.

Dream: Visiting Europa

I was led away from the obstacle course and to a very different scene. There was a man who led the way. He appeared to me as a dark-haired Shaman-type.

The next thing I recall is being submerged all except the front of my face at my nose and eyes. I floated in warm, clear, shallow water.

At the same instance I was in the water I was also above it surveying the scene. I saw a vast, shallow lake that went as far as the eye could see. The sky was gray and very thick with clouds. The rock appeared volcanic and shiny in places, but everywhere the rock was black except at my feet where it was as river rock.

The lake was divided into circular pools all around me. In each of these pools were people all submerged as I had been. Their eyes closed, they floated motionless.

I walked toward a deeper area of the lake and looked out over it. It was beautiful despite being in such a desolate area. It was also so very calm and I knew no fish or creatures could survive in this lake. The water was too salty.

A man was with me, the Shaman, and I recall that he wore Native American garb but it was much older than anything I have ever seen. I do not think it was of Earth.

He explained what the place was, though it was without words. It was a place of cleansing and the water was actually very dense salt water that caused the individual to float very easily.

monument-valley

Image of Lyra

It was while talking to this man that I began to gain awareness. I knew I had been taken there to remove buildup and debris – energies that I had picked up over the course of this lifetime that were unneeded and acted to prevent the smooth flow and function of the system.

In discussing this healing, I suddenly saw a vividly clear image of a familiar place in front of me. I felt to actually be there despite also being in my bed.

The first thing I noted were the two orange suns parallel to each other in the sky separated only by tall, flat topped mountains (like one sees in monument valley but not orange in color, more gray/brown). One sun was slightly larger than the other. Then I noticed in the front, right hand side of my vision a space craft that had several silver stabilizers linking it to the ground. It looked similar to a spider it had so many of these extensions coming from it. When I focused on it, though, it shimmered and appeared to be just another flat-topped mountain.

I knew instantly it was Lyra and so woke up completely losing the image. But it was/is fully ingrained in my mind. I asked if the lake had been Lyra and heard, “Europa”. Despite the fact that Europa is mostly ice-covered water based upon images, etc, it seems that the Europa I visited was not.

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The We in Me

Today while driving to visit with my mother something occurred that I did not expect.

It began as a feeling of release. I went from feeling heavy and blah to suddenly feeling as if this weight had been lifted. My heart began to feel full and open and I was feeling positive and exuberant about my future.

I sang loudly to my music, even turning it up a notch. As I sang, a conversation commenced between myself and my Team that became more and more obvious.

The messages came in so subtly that I am surprised I noticed them at all.  My focus was entirely on driving, singing and enjoying the beautiful blue skies and Texas Hill Country. The conversation was about my rigidity toward this life I am currently living; a life I agreed to live not only for myself but for my Group-Family-Team.

My attention was brought to my current state – the care-free, full-of-life feeling I had and was enjoying. This is why you came. To LIVE life. To Experience.

A feeling from within welled up and brought tears to my eyes. I Remembered that this was not just my life. This life I am living is a Team effort. I am not going it solo, even though that is how it feels.

This new perspective changed everything for me. The We in me suddenly made sense completely.

I was reminded that although it feels that I have been here so very long and have many more years yet remaining, that the time is only that of a blink of an eye. The longing I feel, the exhaustion, the intense desire to return to Home, pales in comparison to the end of this journey and the richness that comes with it.

And any time I feel homesick, anytime I feel “off”, all I have to do is go within and my Team will be there.

I knew all of this to be true. I felt a part of the We for the first time in this spiritual journey of mine. I connected with them/me/us.

The way this communication felt was so very different and yet so very familiar at the same time. It seemed to come from within me, from my very core – to rise up from my solar plexus and fill my heart with meaning that had no words yet my mind was able to make sense of it. And it felt immense. Definitely not a single entity but a sudden explosion of many. All within me. Inside me. Part of me.

I recognized in this short, 40 minute drive, that the direction of my spiritual journey shifted. I had finally reached point zero. Right at that moment I saw, finally, how this experience was designed to function. This is how we manifest as one in a physical body. The pilot and the co-pilots and crew. Yet only me – the “pilot”, one small fragment of the Whole, is all this body can sustain.

This process of ascension, of Shifting, for me at least, is not about “rising” up into my Higher Self, or even a descending of my HS into me, but functioning as a full unit – complete and functional within this physicality. I have been undoing all the interference this Earthly life put into that system, a system that when functioning properly provides everything an Experiencer such as myself needs to traverse the rough terrain of Earth.

 

 

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Embracing the Silence

I have been experiencing a sort of unsettled silence these last few days. It is not unfamiliar yet aspects of it are. In the past I called it the “blah” feeling or a “zoning out” feeling. But in the past it came with a sinking feeling in my solar plexus. This is now absent.

This new feeling has been very strong, so strong that I have begun to question what it is and it’s purpose.

It seems that I have been mistaking this feeling as “bad” because it is lacking so much. It feels like a hole or a vacuum that needs filling. In the past I have freaked out and filled it with worry, doubt and nervous apprehension. Yet now it is ever-present. Why?

My questioning of it finally led to an answer: it is simply the New Me and because it is unfamiliar there is unconscious rejection. I’ve been asked to familiarize myself with this feeling. It is silence. It is nothingness. It should be embraced for what it is without applying a label or reacting to it.

In this, I create a space within mySelf to honor this New Self, this New Me. It’s time to embrace the silence and nothingness. To embrace the New Me.

More Pieces Return

Last night I again experienced what I can only call reintegration of pieces of Me. A Return to Self. I know this is what is occurring because I wake suddenly as if I have returned from far away and my body jolts and there is memory that is quickly siphoned off. It is as if there is a message of “You can’t know yet” and it is accepted.

This occurred several times right as soon as I fell asleep. That seems to be the time when these pieces return. I feel that this is happening because I am doing work and so need all of mySelf to do this work.

Crown Chakra Wide Open

Though this is not the case now, during the night when I awoke it was from a massive amount of energy streaming into/out of my crown chakra. My entire head felt huge and the feeling of it would lull me back to sleep almost instantly. I knew I was exiting my body in this fashion but had little time to consider why or where I was going.

Flashes of Familiarity

My dreams are once again lost to me upon waking. Yet this morning I had flashes of a familiar group of brilliantly white beings. They stood together before me, tall, slender and humanoid-like. In recognizing them the memory which at first seemed to have a time/place/location all at once became timeless and without form or location. It was as if it was only a dream and not at all real. Yet I knew instantly that these were my family and I wanted to go back “there”. I also felt one remained with me, or perhaps it is that the many became as one to communicate with me. And he/she (for there is no gender) remained and explained what I was to do in this “time of rest”. Manifest and be comfortable with the New.

 

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Spiritual Training

As this day unfolds more and more of the conversation I had with my Companion last night comes back to me.

Spiritual Training

I am currently in a period of spiritual training, one in which I am re-developing spiritual abilities long lost or gone very rusty. The analogy was presented to me of that of weight training, probably because that is what I am doing for my physical body at this time. It was asked for me to consider how weight training works. I responded that you increase the weight for different muscle groups in order to strengthen the muscle. It takes months of repetitive motion, of lifting increasingly more and more weight, for the muscle to respond and grow in size. One also has to eat more and supplement with protein to make sure the muscle has the right nutrients needed to respond to training.

Similarly, we must train spiritual abilities that have long gone dormant for lack of use. We must be routine in this training and not slack off for to slack off and grow lazy in such training will quickly lead to the deterioration of ability. Like muscle, our ability must be strengthened over time and nourished from within.

Empathy: Friend or Foe?

I had a dream last night that related to this analogy.

I entered a room that I vaguely recognized. Laying on a table were two bugs of marijuana, as if to remind me of drug use and its effect on one’s spiritual ability.

Then a young girl dressed in orange and bound in handcuffs came out a side door. She was frazzled and nearly ran into me. I was carrying my littlest in my arms, but he was much younger, perhaps 4 months old. Her face touched him and she smiled. I instantly felt sympathy for her and began talking calmly with her.

“You like babies, don’t you?”

“Yes,” she replied.

I let her touch his chubby arm and briefly she seemed happy.

She began to look nervous and was looking around as if to find a way to escape. I looked at her closely. She had freckles and long, thin dark blonde hair. She was about 4 inches shorter than me.

She looked me in the face and said, “You know me, don’t you? Why don’t you give readings anymore?”

Not surprised, I answered, “I can still, but I don’t. You don’t need a reading. You already know”.

She didn’t seem convinced.

Then two men came out and began to transport her away. She resisted, trying to stay with me. I leaned forward and told her, “You’re an empath. You can tell what I am thinking, feeling. You feel the answers”.

They began to take her away and I called out to her, “Being an empath can help you! But be careful, it can also hurt you”.

Considerations

Only just now did I put the dream and the analogy together. They seem important, as if the spiritual training is needed in this area or else there will be consequences.

Empathy is telepathy here in the physical. Honestly, I think as we develop the gift further we will be fully telepathic. Unfortunately, at this time the gift is untrained and poorly utilized. The Ego misinterprets the signals and disbelief is rampant.

I was born empathic and I suffered greatly from it in my youth. I did not know my feelings from the feelings of my parents and during their divorce my life became a living hell. That was when I first started wanting to go Home. I use to say over and over, “I wish I was dead”.

I continued to feel others thoughts throughout school. I isolated myself to protect myself. This technique worked but I became bitter and angry. People’s words did not match the feelings they sent out. Everyone was lying!

As an adult I have grown use to this hypocrisy. I have learned, by chance, how to differentiate my feelings and thoughts from those around me. I am not perfect at it and there is much to be learned. Apparently I am being reminded that this spiritual “muscle” needs building.

The intense energy of the Shift is wreaking havoc all around. I had thought I was impervious to it, but I am thinking now that I am not. Not at all. The negative energy, the thoughts and emotions, they are bombarding me more than ever. A closed heart does nothing to stop the bombardment. It infiltrates even the most impenetrable defenses.

I believe this message was given to me so I would not be so hard on myself. There is a reason, an explanation, for all the crazy changes lately.

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Light-Headed Low Blood Sugar Blues

Yesterday was yet another not-so-good day.

Light-Headed Low Blood Sugar Blues

I am two weeks into my new workout regime which consists of strength training and cardio 4 times a week. My goal is to gain muscle and lose fat. I have a personal trainer every other week, so this week I am on my own.

This workout started with 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer. About 15 minutes in I began to zone out and feel faint. Right as I ended the workout I had to get off and walk around to shake off the jitters.

I heard my guide say, “You are not grounded” and this made sense. So I did an ab circuit and after I felt good enough to do the rest of my workout. However, by the time I got into the car to drive home I was shaky again and had to eat a protein bar. Thankfully it worked by the time I got to the grocery store.

These episodes are low blood sugar episodes and I am very familiar with them. Unfortunately, they trigger mild panic attacks and I hate those. My heart felt weird, like it does when the chakra is activated, and this is hard to ignore. I was talking myself down from panic most of the drive to the store.

The rest of the day I ate like a never-ending pit. Yet the low blood-sugar blues hit me hard in the evening. All this means is that I get irritable and cranky, tired and quick to anger. I ate and ate, hoping to fix the issue but it seemed not to be enough. I was absolutely awful last night because of it.

I lost my temper so many times last night I have lost count. Everything set me off. Then things kept going wrong.

My youngest was in a strange mood, crying and going into a rage when I would not pick him up. He got so mad at me that he started ramming his whole little body into a door to show me how mad he was! He cried endlessly for over an hour even when I held him.

My son’s endless tantrum throwing caused me to be late to the bus stop to pick up my daughter and I got a call to come pick her up at the school. My MIL went to get her but was late and that made us late for my daughter’s eye appointment. Then the eye appointment dragged on and on well into dinner time. Turns out she needed reading glasses (WTF?) so we went to get some for her at Wal-Mart and so did not eat until well after 6pm.

This delay of dinner time was the last straw. I guess my body just is not adapting as well to the changes imposed upon it. I will have to plan better in the future!

BTW, it’s Normal

It is normal for one’s metabolism to increase significantly when they start a weight lifting routine like I did. In two weeks I have lost 4 pounds despite increasing my caloric intake from 1600/day to 2100/day. I am now going to have to increase my calories to 2300/day. This is very hard for me to do and I actually gag on food because I get so tired of eating it. Hopefully my metabolism levels out soon!

Yet I suspect that all this physical change mixed with the spiritual changes I have been experiencing is the cause for the significant reaction I had yesterday to an otherwise “normal” workout. I was told a while back to lay off the intense weight lifting and I did at that time and felt recently it was okay to resume. I still feel it is, however, I think more needs to be done to make the transition less bumpy.

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Dichotomy

Lots of change happening. First off, on the first day school resumed after summer break my morning started off with news that my sister-in-law had gone into labor five weeks early. I knew that meant I would likely have to leave work early and I did. Then I had to change my schedule because they kept mom and baby in the hospital for observation. I guess they do that when baby is really early. So today was my first full day back at work. Thank goodness I can change my schedule!

The day was busy, but not hectic. I had sent out a form in Google Docs, the first ever and I really like it! Anyway, I had four referrals and so had to follow up on each of them. In addition I had some other things to do and so the day filled up fast.

What is memorable about this day, though, is the last minute referral of a student who had been crying nonstop since Monday. When I went to see him I knew he was struggling and when he saw me his eyes immediately filled with tears. We went for a walk and chatted and I listened and felt such overwhelming love for him and his predicament. I understood him and I wanted to make him better yet at the same time I was somewhat detached and calm. In a way, I think this detachment helped me help him better because by the end of my time with him he was calm and I could tell a heavy burden had been lifted from him. I gave him hope and in that I think was the biggest gift I could have given him.

I didn’t realize this, of course, until I was on my way home over an hour later. It suddenly hit me then all at once and my heart overflowed for him. His mother had written me and told me thank you – that he was so much better for talking to me – but that wasn’t it. I understood him because I had been him so many, many years ago in my youth when I was nearly his same age. How horrible to have all that one believes to be solid and true in their life snatched away and smashed to bits. That is what his world is now and what mine had been so many years before. I had no one and was not nearly as receptive as he.

And I know he will be alright and I think that is the best feeling ever.

78

All this happened before I thought about the significance of a number I received in my dreams last night. I was discussing the years 1978-1979 for some reason. I remember recognizing that I had already been born and speaking the year 1978 as if I were trying to figure out what was going on. The number returned after today’s events and so I looked it up.

The number says that one has reached a balance between the spiritual and the mundane and with this comes an inner peace and joy as well as material abundance.

When I read the meaning of this number I knew that my experiences today were significant. For the first time in a very long time I felt true heart emotional connection to my work. The overflow I felt has not been felt by me since around the time of my daughter’s birth. I have been blocked to my work and my connection with those I worked with since then. Yet today I felt it again. It spilled out of me and was not sorrow but a mixture of emotions that are indescribable and beautiful. I felt a true connection and purpose that I had all but given up on.

All I can say is that sometimes I feel that a part of me never gives up on me yet at the same time another part of me wishes only to destroy my only chance at happiness. How strange to be so dichotomous. I wonder how I have made it this far at all.

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Withdrawal

I have the home to myself – finally. Usually I would use this time to meditate or tune in, but I just don’t feel the connection. It is like it vanished. I feel completely and utterly alone and abandoned compared to how I felt just a little over a month ago.

If this is what ascension is all about then I don’t like it one bit. I can’t imagine it is meant to be this way. To have everything build up and explode with wonderful, beautiful, amazing wholeness and connectedness to Source and then suddenly disappear.

Snap and it’s gone.

I feel like the little kid who got one of those humungous lolly pops – you know the kind that are all rainbow colored and bigger than any person could ever eat – and then mommy said, “Sorry hunny, it’s too much for you”, and snatches it away before I can get another taste of it.

Or even worse – “Share with your sister”. Argghhh!

Symptoms?

I think I am in withdrawal. I grieve for what I feel I have lost every day. It makes me mad and then sad and then hopeless. I pray for it to come back every night before bed. All I get in return is more odd dreams and a strange, heavy exhaustion as if I took sleep meds before bed.

And headaches and joint aches and just overall heartache.

This is what I am experiencing now:

  • Sadness
  • Empty feeling
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Headache
  • Joint aches
  • Body aches
  • Disinterest in humanity in general
  • Wanting OUT
  • Isolating myself
  • Exhaustion
  • Deep, dream-filled sleep
  • Buzzing energy around crown/head
  • Tingling sensations on arms (feels like Spirit touching me)
  • Dry eyes
  • Stiff neck/shoulders/upper back

When I feel like this, when I feel I am being denied what is rightfully mine, I get angry and wish it had never happened in the first place. If I had never known I could feel so completely amazing I would not miss it so much when it is gone.

I think this is why we Forget when we come to this place. It is too painful to Remember.