Tag Archives: symbolism

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Dead End

I had a discouraging vision this morning upon waking. I saw very clearly a Dead End sign close up, as if I were standing just a couple of feet away from it. Because of the vision, I struggled to find a happy mood, worried it meant that I was again coming to a standstill in my spiritual development. I decided to exercise and spend time with my children. Thankfully, this brightened my mood and now I am less worried about the vision.

According to dreammoods.com:

To dream that have reached a dead end indicates that you have come to an abrupt end in the pursuit of your goals. You must find another way to achieve your goals because the current path is not working out. Alternatively, the dream may be telling you that you are going nowhere. Perhaps, the dream is symbolic of a dead end job or a dead end relationship. You need to reevaluate your options.

I had asked a question that I wanted an answer to a couple of nights ago and the more I think about the vision of the dead end sign, the more I think that it is the answer to my question. I will know sooner or later if I am right about that. I hope I am right and that the alternative is not where the dead end is.

foalsTwin Foals

My sleep since last Sunday has been very deep and almost dreamless. I have lots of energy when I go to bed again, yet I am able to fall asleep without incident. Then I sleep almost exactly 8 hours and wake up fully refreshed and unable to return to sleep. I have been a bit disappointed in the mornings because it is the return to sleep that often sends me OOB.

Last night’s dreams were lost to me until just about an hour ago when suddenly a couple came back to me. The first was a dream about my cousin and her horse. In reality, my cousin’s horse died on my birthday this year. He was very old, so it was not unexpected. He was white and his name was Tzar. But in the dream my cousin had died and a new person was moving into her home. I must have been near lucid because I kept questioning my dream characters, telling them my cousin did not die, her horse did, and correcting them. It bothered me to see a stranger moving into my cousin’s home.

Eventually I went to the barn and saw that my cousin’s horse was still alive. This also bothered me and I remember thinking, “Wait, Tzar is dead, not my cousin”. Yet there was the horse standing there looking perfectly alive. Then I saw he had two twin foals with him. They were newborn and running about. I remember questioning this as well because Tzar is male and could not have babies!

To see a foal in one’s dream indicates a new task is at hand and with it comes new energy. The foals had tons of energy and since there were two of them it could mean that I will have double the energy in this new undertaking. The energy part makes sense because I have definitely had more energy than usual.

One Breast

The other dream that came back to me was very odd. In the dream I was at my mother’s house and taking a bath. I don’t remember all the specifics of the dream, but I was undressing and about to climb into the tub when I looked down at my naked body and saw one breast in the center of my chest. I remember thinking it odd and that it looked like an eyeball to me, kinda like a cyclops except with one boob instead of one eye. lol I did not laugh in the dream, though. Instead, I questioned it and remember speaking to someone about it, a woman. I recall remembering that I had a surgery to remove one breast. I don’t know why I had the surgery, though. It seemed like I chose to remove the breast, not that I was ill with breast cancer or anything.

After discussing the surgery, I turned and looked in the mirror and saw first a visual of myself naked with both breasts. Then the visual shifted and there I was with only one. Except this time the one breast was on the left side where it should have been and there was smooth skin on the right. I remember liking the smooth side and a part of me went back to my youth when I had no breasts and wished to be that way again.

Symbolically, I guess it is normal to dream of only having one breast because dreammoods.com says that to dream of one breasts indicates feelings of being undesirable. I do not feel this describes me at all, though, so I wonder if perhaps it has more to do with my heart chakra than my breasts especially since I saw the one breast in the center where the heart chakra would be. I did like the idea of not having breasts, but I have always felt that way. Perhaps I have an issue with being a woman? I can relate to that!

Weird Week

So far this week has been weird for me. Not only has my mood been all over the place but my time at work has been super busy and productive. I have felt more in tune with the people I work with and as a result have helped in my role as counselor more than in previous weeks. Not only that but my help was sought out rather than my seeking people to help. At the end of both of my days at work this week I have been proud of my accomplishments with a positive outlook about the future. This is not abnormal but this much of it in one week is not common for me.

At the end of the days I do not work I also feel I have accomplished quite a bit and the day feels full and complete. Today even, I feel I have accomplished a lot, even though the day has not be much different than any other.

I have been thinking about tomorrow. It is the date I heard in a recent OBE where my guide told me, “The veil will be lifted”. I have concluded that it is likely that the date has no significance other than it being revealed in my OBE. Perhaps something will happen, perhaps not. My worry about the “dead end” message in my vision is that it concerns the 12/12/14 date and that my current path to spiritual enlightenment is inadequate and I must take a new route. Yet perhaps there is no need to worry? Perhaps the dead end is a good sign – a sign telling me “Not this way” so that I know there is  another way and it will be revealed to me soon.

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Stay With Me

Last night and this morning was very eventful. I did not see it coming either. I have been experiencing such calm and balance that I assumed I would have blissful, uneventful sleep.

Dead Baby

I awoke at 4am sharp in tears. The dream is not all very clear to me now except for the end, so I will recount it and hope it starts to make sense at some level.

I was very aware of being part of a trio of people. I was one of two women. We had been living together alone for some time, me, my lover and her son. My lover’s husband had been deployed and gone for a long time. She did not think she would ever see him again.

Then one day, to our surprise, my lover’s husband returned. When he arrived he was surprised to find his wife with a roommate who he later discovered was his substitute. Interestingly, he was not upset and just joined us, joking we were his “two wives”.

It took a while for him to accept me, but he eventually did. He began to sleep in the same bed as us and even attempted to touch me and cuddle with me. I recall worrying about him and sensing he was not really sure about all of us being together. Three’s a crowd, you know.

I remember talking to the husband and telling him I that I will not blame him if he leaves, but he refuses to admit he is uncomfortable with the situation. We all get to know each other after that and I show them my ability: I can fly. I hover over the ground and show them how I do it. I point to my chest/heart area and explain it is all in the “heart”. I am able to hover about and they are extremely interesting in watching, but I do not recall them ever doing it themselves.

We somehow end up at a water park and they ask me to show them and others my ability. We are at this huge waterfall/slide. It is at least a half mile wide and this sparkling, aqua-clear blue. I hover over the water for a time but when I fly over the edge the water takes me down with it and at the end I am wet but unharmed.

The time shifts and I feel as if years had passed. The husband is showing signs of discomfort at his situation. His son, who I later found out was not his real son but step-son, is taking much of our and his time. I remember him saying, “I cannot take this anymore. I did not sign up for this”. At the time I am pregnant with his child.

Fast forward again and the baby is about to be born, but I am now an observer. As the baby is born and laid out, it is discovered that he has something in his brain. The doctor finds a hemangeoma but it is located in the neck and says the baby will be fine. The husband and woman are relieved. I now enter the scene and tell the husband it is okay for him to feel overwhelmed, that I understand if he wants to leave. We hug. When we hug, one of us hits the bed the baby is on and he falls to the floor. When he falls, he hits his head and instantly dies. His head is flattened in the dream and very disfigured. I feel awful and say, “It’s my fault” and watch as the mother picks him up and cries. I then see the ultrasound photos of him and begin to cry. I wake up in tears.

Stay With Me

I ran to check on my son because of the disturbing dream but he was fine and breathing normally. I have been worried about him suffocating in his sleep for a while now because he keeps getting colds, so any dream that suggests he may be in danger causes me to worry.

I went back to bed and tossed and turned for some time. My guide was close and I kept hearing the song “Stay With Me”, by Sam Smith. It is not a song I particularly like but it seems songs are one of the main ways my guides communicate with me and the song keeps coming until I hear the message.

My gut reaction to this song and the dream is that I am struggling to move forward with what has been going on with me both consciously and subconsciously.

Consciously, my guide has been asking me to decide what I want so that I can move forward. Oddly, I am unable to decide what I want to do with my life other than recognizing I want to feel peace and calm. Subconsciously, I am told I am shifting awareness and that it is creating an internal struggle. I am told this is normal and part of the process and to be patient with myself for my Ego is not easily swayed.

The dream symbols here are quite obvious to me. A baby is a new idea or path/direction. In this dream the baby is found to have a growth which suggests there may be a flaw in this path, but not one that will cause significant problems. However, the baby dies and I admit it is my fault. This suggests that I am taking responsibility for a new goal/path not coming to fruition. Perhaps I am also considering dropping this path altogether?

The waterfall is significant of emotion and since it is clear it is not muddled emotion, but clear, recognizable and confrontable emotion. The water fall is vast, suggesting there is much emotion to clear and that it may result of a drastic shift for me, as per the waterfall part. I attempt to fly above the water, avoiding it, but am swept up in it suggesting I cannot avoid this shift.

The discussion with the man in the dream seems to be a discussion I am having with myself about the feelings of overwhelm I have been having associated with my role in the family. I tell him it is okay to feel the way he feels and that I will understand if he chooses to leave. Perhaps I am accepting this part of myself? It sure felt that way considering the emotional effect it had on me both in the dream and upon waking.

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Broken Treadmill

I was awakened at 1am by two screaming children. My husband was sick with a cold and could not help. I ended up not being able to return to sleep for some time afterward. I am not sure when I fell asleep but I finally did.

Suicidal Student

I had a dream about a young, African American man. He was 21 but still in high school. He had a bad reputation and everyone, even the teachers, let him get away with pretty much everything because they were afraid of him. He did not do “bad” things really but did play jokes and act foolishly, often teasing others or pushing the limits to see what he could get away with. I was an administrator who witnessed him pushing the limits in a negative way. He was doing things that we very inappropriate for school and I called him on it and then sent him to the principal, which had never happened to him. He was sent back to class without any punishment but I made sure to continue to hold him accountable. The other students at first did not stand up to him, but eventually they did.

Eventually the classroom environment shifted to a parking lot and the student was in a black car. The scene was very dark and it was not easy to see. The student appeared out of character and I knew he needed help. I was searching for him and telling the other students to find him. I remember telling them, “You notice how wide eyed and frantic he was? He overdosed on some drug. He is spinning out of control and going to kill himself”. I recognized that me setting boundaries for him pushed him into a zone he could not handle and that he was trying to escape the confusion it caused him. He had never had boundaries, though he wanted them badly because they showed that others cared about him. I identified a part of myself in him.

I suddenly wanted to save him from himself and got the other student to help me. We cornered him, even though he attempted to drive through us, damaging several cars. In the end, though, I was able to stop him from destroying himself. I felt compassion for him rather than contempt. I wanted to help him move past his fear of himself.

Broken Treadmill

The scene remained dark but the story changed. The student was still involved but instead of being suicidal he was now fessing up to the bad things he had done. He had damaged my treadmill and I was attempting to fix it. My husband was there and tinkered with it, asking me to try it out. I raised the incline and turned it to speed 2. The treadmill lurched and the belt began to move at a very high speed, much faster than the 2mph it was set to. I stepped back and watched as the belt began to bunch up and then buckled. The treadmill made a loud noise and I quickly turned it off. It was broken.

I discussed my options with someone who I did not see in the dream. It was a female and I suspect she is one of my guides. I told her I could 1. Replace the treadmill with a new or used one, 2. Run outside and not buy a new treadmill (this one my husband would prefer) or 3. Attempt to fix my current treadmill. I seemed to like option #3 but I remember putting quite a bit of thought into what I could do.

I got onto the treadmill again hoping that it had miraculously fixed itself. At first it seemed to be working but it began to lurch and make odd noises again, so I got off very quickly and saw that the belt was beginning to move very fast and starting to buckle again. The treadmill was shot and there was nothing I could do. I had to make a decision. What would I do?

As I began to wake up, I heard a woman’s voice call me by my name but something was wrong about it. The last name was “Cook”. It perplexed me. Why was she giving me that last name? Did that indicate that I would one day have a new last name? The thought of that had me worried. Was I going to one day be married again?

Reflection

I awoke and thought about my dreams for some time. The first dream was uplifting even though the characters in it seemed dark and depressing. I believe the young man represented not only my past but also myself in many ways. I recognized myself in him during the dream and attempted to save him. I successfully “saved” him in the end, finding compassion for him (myself) which indicates I have come to a point in my own spiritual progress where I am beginning to be compassionate toward myself. This is HUGE for me because I am very self-critical.

The second dream was the most vivid and reminded me of a recent OBE I had where I was talking to one of my neighbors about her treadmill. She was selling it and I told her I didn’t need it but that mine was old. I looked up the symbolism of treadmill and found that it means one is “stuck in an old routine” and not making progress. It indicates change is needed for progress to be made. This symbolism seems applicable to my dream and the choices I was having to make about whether I would replace the treadmill or not. The fact that the treadmill was breaking/broken indicates I am recognizing the need for change.

I never made a decision in the dream but did seem interested in the option to buy a new one or fix it. I was not as interested in the option of not replacing it and just running outside. This suggests that there is something in my routine I desire to keep.

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Deer Patrol

I have been feeling very down and out for the last couple of days for no apparent reason. It is odd to me how my feelings quickly change seemingly for no reason. I am use to it as it has happened like this my entire life, but never this frequently. I know the world is undergoing a great energy shift and that it has been escalating in intensity, especially this year, but I am tiring of it. I wish that I could shut out all the outside energy that impacts me, but I seem unable to completely keep it out. The more I isolate myself to try and protect myself, the more irritated I seem to get. Yet when I open up more, I get overwhelmed and overly emotional and unbalanced. I don’t know which is worse – to shut down my emotions or to be overwhelmed by them. It seems a lose-lose situation.

Deer Patrol

It was dark. I was in a familiar house. It was cozy and nice. It felt like grandmother’s house – a place of safety and love. I was not alone. There was an old man and a couple of younger, twenty-somethings, one male the other female. I felt older than them but much younger than the old man.

I spoke with the two younger people, the male one first. He was getting ready to head back to college. He told me he had to study for an exam and I was surprised by this. “When I went to college, we took all our finals before break. When did they start giving finals after Christmas vacation?” The young man paused and then said, “I don’t know. That is just how it is”. I replied, “That isn’t very fair. You are suppose to study and prepare for the exams. If you have them after vacation, then you will have to study for them during vacation! That kinda defeats the whole point of vacation!” My voice got a bit louder as I was talking because I was feeling frustrated for this young man, yet he didn’t seem to care one way or the other. “I’ve been studying for a couple of days. I don’t have to do much more than that”. He then said his goodbyes to us and left the room.

The young woman had dark hair and appeared older than the young man. She was much more serious and guarded and did not say much. She did question if I was going to return to school. I told her, “I am done with school. I don’t want to go back”.

She stayed for a while and I began to pay more attention to what the old man was doing. He was sitting near the large, picture window, waiting for something. I could see images of a garden and other plants outside the window, but it was still very dark. A woman called out to him from somewhere in the house, “Don’t forget to take those pots outside when you go on watch”. I think it must have been his wife. He called back, “Yeah, okay”.

He stayed where he was for a while, resting up against the window and watching me. I could not see his face clearly but he was old, probably in his 60’s. He had leathery skin like someone who spent a lot of time outdoors and his hair was white and bushy. He picked up something and hoisted it up on his shoulder. I looked harder and saw that it was an old shotgun.

I asked him what it was for.

“I patrol the garden at night to keep them away from it”.

“Keep who away?” I asked. At that time a tiny bell tone pinged a few times. It sounded like an alarm of some sort.

“The deer”, he replied and got up and went outside.

I followed him outside and saw a clear black sky dotted with stars. I could not see the moon but I could tell it must have been out because it was not so dark you couldn’t see. The man went into a tiny section of the yard and stood looking around. A large tree stood on the right and there was a tall, wooden fence in front of him approximately 10 feet away. I stood next to him, looking around I heard a noise in the bushes but couldn’t see anything but shadows.

There was noise from the direction of the tree. The man took aim at something shiny and fired. I heard a ping and look up. He had shot a silver ornament of some kind that was hanging in the tree. I noticed then that the tree was full of them. The man kept shooting at them, though, and the ones he shos fell, one by one, to the ground. I wondered if the man was practicing.

After he finished, I looked around some more. We were standing amidst plants of all types. Some were as high as our waists. They were vegetable plants mostly but some were potted. I turned and saw the pots the man’s wife asked him to take outside. They were full of black dirt with shrubbery of some kind poking out, but mostly I saw just the dirt. I vaguely recall that his job was to water them.

When I saw the wood fence I remembered my own frustration with deer and how we had erected a fence around our garden. I told the man, “Why don’t you just build a fence?” He said something about not wanting to. I pointed to the wood fence and said, “But you already have part of one. It would be very easy”. He did not respond. I assumed he must have been happy with his job of patrolling for deer at night.

The alarm sounded again and I got a flash in my mind of a tiny fawn with spots. When I saw the vision I warned the old man but he was already pointing his gun at something. I looked in the direction of his gun and saw a tiny, spotted fawn stumbling through the bushes. The man said, “It’s a fawn. It’s brother is over there” and he pointed to another identical fawn. I held my breath at how beautiful, tiny and frail they were. The man said, “Their mom is around here somewhere”.

Just then the mother deer came bounding into the garden. Her eyes were big and she stopped and froze when she saw us. I The man let her go, though and she soon walked on past, nibbling at his garden as she did. He said, “Get out of here!” and she finally left.

older-fawnsSymbolism

When I awoke from this and other dreams I was not feeling very positive. In fact, I was sort of angry. Part of the dream was still with me when I awoke, the part where I was discussing how it was not fair to have exams after vacation. I then stated very clearly that I was “done” with school. It seems to me now that this part of the dream was symbolic of a conversation I had with my guide. I believe he told me that I had to wait until after Christmas vacation. I am not sure what I am waiting for, but the news did not make me happy and that feeling continues to unsettle me.

The deer in the dream are also very vivid to me, especially the fawns. A deer symbolizes grace, compassion, gentleness, natural beauty and meekness. Deer represent femininity and being alert to such qualities within yourself. A deer can freeze and be very still, blending into its surroundings in order to avoid detection. The fact that the old man allowed the deer to live suggests there is a message that I should blend in with my surroundings, let my femininity shine through and have compassion for others and myself.

The fawn is symbolic of friendship that is true and reminds us to have faith in love. In my dream the fawn is what I spend the most time admiring. They are so tiny and frail and I have an urge to protect them. Perhaps I am being reminded of my own children as well as my loved ones in life?

The shotgun is a message that I need to better focus my energies upon my intended goal(s). What is interesting is that I am struggling to remember what my goals are. I cannot see anything for my future except more of the same. I feel suppressed by a life on hold so much that I have forgotten what I once dreamed of creating. All I seem to be able to see is constant waiting and what is even more bothersome is I don’t even know what I am waiting for.

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Recognizing Myself

I slept very deeply last night but had several very vivid dreams.

Pregnant White Kitty

I entered an apartment. It was very obviously the apartment of a bachelor. I knew the man who lived there and was visiting him in secret. He had dark hair and was very laid back. He reminded me of a young Johnny Depp, so very good looking with a sexual draw about him. I do not remember all that we talked about but I recall being very concerned about the time and day and my children. I kept thinking about when I had to get them from the sitter and school and about an overnight trip I had to take on Thursday.

I left the apartment for a moment and retrieved my children. Rather than go all the way home and get them, I seemed to just go outside and there they were and then they came inside with me. When we got inside the man was gone and the apartment was quiet. I was not sure where he was and I did not know how my daughter got inside. I asked her and she said she crawled through a window. I scolded her for this, saying it was not good to break into a place, when she pointed to a wallet sitting on the counter. That immediately told me he was still present. I heard water running and saw his bedroom door was closed. He came out, dressed and clean, and smiled at us all. He seemed a bit preoccupied, though. I felt uncomfortable and knew that once I left we would not see each other again. He was sitting on the sofa and I went up to him and hugged him tightly, knowing I had had an affair with this man and was unfaithful to my husband. My stomach sunk with the realization.

My mom then came into the apartment with luggage and rolled it to a stop at my feet. She said I was all packed and ready for my trip. I looked at the tan, over sized bag on roller and then up at her. I have no memory of her face just that she was “mom”. I also knew she knew I had been cheating on my husband. She did not talk about it and seemed to accept it and was helping me go on this trip despite knowing what she knew. I took the bag and she said I needed to get ready for the trip the next day. I thought about it and knew I was going to “school” and there was a feeling with it that it was necessary.

As I prepared to leave, a woman came running into the apartment yelling my name. She told me to come outside. I went outside and stood on the top of the stairs looking down at the bushes and a bunch of people gathering. She said, “You need to help”. When I hesitated she said, “You are a midwife, aren’t you!? This is what you do!”

I looked in the bushes and saw a scared, white cat looking out at me with beady, yellowish eyes. She was being attacked by other cats and there was a lot of screeching and noise. I went down to where the cat was and a woman pushed all the other cats away and covered the white cat with a small, white box. She put a sheet of cloth over the top and peeked inside. She asked me to look and all I saw was a gaping, open wound about five inches long and full of dirt and debris. The cat hissed and growled and I pulled back. The woman said that the other cats attacked her while she was giving birth and took her first kitten. It had been born dead – its brain and heart not working. I imagined the cats fighting over and tearing apart the tiny kitten and shuddered.

At that time the cat had a contraction and I watched as her whole body clenched and blood began to ooze out of the gaping wound. It was very graphic and quite disturbing. Then the cat suddenly jumped out and escaped the security of our company and ran away. I watched the tiny cat and said, “She is so tiny! There is no way she can have kittens being that small!” The woman asked if there was anything that could be done to save the cat and kittens. I determined that it would be better to put the cat down and end her misery. The kittens were likely dead already and the cat was already near death. I remember saying, “You might as well put her down. There is nothing that can be done”.

Class in the Dark

I awoke after the dream. It was 6a.m. and it was my first waking, which is odd for me. I snuggled back into bed, thinking about my dream and thinking, “I am dying inside”. I felt alarm at the thought but pushed it aside, wanting to return to sleep quickly.

I found myself sitting at a table with a bunch of young people. They appeared to be teenagers but it was hard to tell as the lights were dimmed. I sensed I was in an auditorium or similar. A teacher was asking us to introduce ourselves to everyone by telling our purpose/main interest in life. She explained that we must use something from our mouths and I saw her pull something out of her mouth, but I do not know what it was. I was confused, thinking that I had nothing from my mouth that I could use to describe myself and my purpose to the group. I panicked as everyone began sharing. Person after person shared and as they did it got closer to my turn. All I could do was think about my recent dream and the white cat, but it didn’t come from my mouth! I thought to myself about what I would say, preparing for my turn. I would tell them about my dream and explain that dreams like this were common for me and often prepared me for my future. It did not make sense to me that sharing this would describe my purpose but I decided it would have to do. At this time I recognized that others were not sharing things via their mouths (I had thought that it meant an object from mouth). I felt some relief at this but knew what I said would be unique to the group.

As I waited my turn I looked at the table across from me. It was dark and I could barely make out the people sitting there. But something odd was in the air above their heads. Perched on seemingly invisible lines were two, perfectly tiny hummingbirds.

Birds-of-BC-No-32-Two-Rufous-Hummingbirds-Selasphorus-rufusRecognizing Myself

The dream stopped for a while and I do not recall what occurred during this time, but suddenly I was very aware of being within the scene I had just been a part of. My awareness was hovering midair and looking at auditorium seating. There were faces upon faces of people but all of the faces were dark and blurred, as if I was looking at them from some distance. In the middle of the sea of faces I saw a very handsome young man. His face was illuminated and he was seated next to a woman. I could not see her face but his light did illuminate her enough for me to know it was a woman. I took in a deep breath as I realized who this young man was. This dark haired, beautiful man with perfect features and skin, was me! I exclaimed, “That is me! I look so young! I couldn’t be more than 17!” I was with someone who was hovering next to me but I could not see him. I knew, however, that it was my guide and we were visiting a past me or perhaps a me from another existence parallel to my own current one. I felt huge accomplishment at seeing this version of me, as if I was very proud to have been this young man. He was extremely attractive, but most of all, he appeared so innocent and pure.

Considerations

When I finally awoke from all this dram activity, I felt better than I thought I would feel. All these dreams were quite upsetting, yet the feeling I had was hopeful, as if something had been resolved. Perhaps the last vivid scene did that?

The cat dream was the most concerning. First of all, it continued a theme of dreams I have been having for some time where I am cheating or have cheated on my husband. The sinking feeling in my stomach was felt in my physical body and almost woke me. The continued concern about my children and their schedule seemed to be my conscious self breaking through into the dream. The symbolism of going on a trip is that new aspects of one’s self are being explored. The fact that this trip is to a school suggests that the trip will be full of lessons.

The white cat symbolizes difficulties in life. Since it is dying, it could be that I am about to surpass these difficulties. The fact that I determined its fate suggests that I made a decision of some sort about these difficulties. The kittens could be representative of multiple difficulties stemming from the main one, the mother. The fact that they are dead or are assumed already dead suggests that these potential difficulties are being avoided by my actions. So, even though the entire scene was horrifying, the symbolism behind it suggest progress is being made.

The dream of being in class was perhaps the most profound of the dreams because I was so caught up in trying to determine my purpose and worried that others would reject it because it was so different from the norm. All I could think about was the dream of the white cat. I was also consumed with trying to figure out how to pull something solid from my mouth. I believe this was actually me trying to integrate the idea that words have strong manifestation power. When I finally accepted that I would use the story and explain it, I saw two hummingbirds perched in the dark and out of place. Hummingbirds symbolize the huge potential and power of seemingly small ideas and concepts.

The last dream seemed more like a vision than a dream. It was so different than the other dreams and had such a powerful impact upon me. I was certain that the young man was me and happy about it as well. Was this a past, present or future me? I do not know. I wish that I knew the story behind it. I recall feeling as if this me was connected to a life where infidelity was a huge problem.

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Mile Markers

There is something going on with me – it is just a feeling I get. Along with the signs I have been receiving both from my guides and from my dreams, the feeling has been intensifying. I cannot describe the feeling because it is subtle, seeming to be buried very deeply within my subconscious. I believe it is a Knowingness that is slowly rising to the surface and as it does, it begins to break through into my consciousness as odd, new feelings and intuitions. That is the best way to describe it and I believe it to be accurate because I can actually visualize the process!

Mile Markers

I began to take notice of the “shift” in my own energy and perception two days ago. I had just noticed that I had 12 in Spirit assisting me. This always means something significant has happened. I had 12 when my daughter was born. I had 12 when I reached my 36th year. I had 12 when I met my husband. So far, their presence has not indicated anything negative. What is odd, though, is that knowing they are near causes me to become nervous and I don’t know why. I have decided, though, that the 12 are present because significant milestones in my life have been reached.

It is like running a long race or marathon. Imagine that your life is a long road and along the road are mile markers. Each mile marker has significance, similar to how they do in a race. When you reach them, you know you have made it and this uplifts you because you have achieved part of your goal. You had set out to reach mile maker 5 and you did – time for a silent celebration as you continue upon your path. As you progress and reach mile marker, after mile marker, you become tired and struggle to keep going. The only thing that keeps you going is that you can see the next mile marker and that you are getting close to the end. So, by mile 20, you are tired, weary and wanting to stop for a rest, but you know if you stop you are likely to struggle to start running again. You are so tired you can feel it in your bones. Then, along the sidelines you hear cheering and see crowds of people lined up giving encouragement, saying, “You can do it! You’re almost there! Don’t give up!” You listen. You dig deep and find energy that you didn’t know you had and you keep going. Then you see the mile marker and know you have achieved yet another goal. But there are more. Not many, but more.

I don’t know exactly what mile marker I am on, but I accept that I must have reached one recently.

Three

Two nights ago I awoke earlier than I wanted to. Again. I managed to fall asleep and had odd dreams. Though I can’t remember the dreams completely, I do remember that there was a theme: three. I recall briefly a confusion because in one dream there were three of me all together and identical. There were more dreams like this with three of one thing. When I awoke I knew only that 3 was significant.

I was going to write about it after it happened but did not feel inspired to. But the number followed me and I began to think of its significance. Mainly I knew that it represented the Holy trinity – body, mind and spirit. This felt right and I wondered about it.

I began to wonder about the angel number meaning, specifically of 333. This angel number is a message that one’s guides are close and helping at this time. This felt correct to me as well. This number is also representative of spiritual gifts and reminds us that we have a higher purpose to fulfill using those gifts.

Killing Babies

Not only did I have the dream of the number 3, but I also had a disturbing dream. I did not remember the dream until last night, but it occurred the same night as the dream about 3’s. In this particular dream the specifics are lost to me but I distinctly remember recalling that in past lives I have killed babies – my own and others’. I have had a past life recollection of getting an abortion but this was not the only time I did such a thing. When I try to recall the dream and these acts specifically I feel such sadness that I cannot find the memories in detail. However, the feel of the emotion is so full of guilt and shame that I know what I have done in past lives is despicable. I do recall briefly in a dream that I murdered my own child after his/her birth when he/she was quite a bit older than newborn. I do not remember exactly what I did but it affected the baby’s organs, because in the dream I recall destroying the middle of the child. I believe I either drowned him/her or smothered him/her.

In considering the dream now, I believe I should not focus so much on whether I did these things in a past life, but more on the symbolism. To kill a baby in a dream symbolizes the ending of something that you once were a part of. What am I killing or considering killing off in my life? Because I specifically pinpointed the center of the baby in my dream, it could be that I am killing off a piece of my heart. It is sad, but I believe I can relate to this.

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Cats and Kittens

I am not a cat lover. In fact, cats really irritate me. I use to like cats when I was a child but we had a number of our cats die in very bad ways and I think that put me off completely on the idea of ever having a cat as a pet again. I am fine that other people like cats and I am not mean to them if they are around me, I just don’t want one as my own pet.

Yet night after night, dream after dream, I keep seeing cats and kittens. In one recent dream I was playing with a kitten that was hot pink and I decided to keep it. In one of my recent OBEs I was presented with a white kitten and I cuddled with it. In my most recent dream, I went to check the mail and when I looked down at my feet there was a mother tabby cat with her four, identical tabby kittens. Then when I looked away towards the house I just came from, I saw another kitten but this one was shiny, jet black.

Considering cats and kittens are not my favorite, I am just a tiny bit annoyed.

Cats and Kittens

In dreams, cats are symbolic of many things. In general, they symbolize independence, creativity, femininity, and power. However, cats can also represent misfortune and bad luck if associated with fear and/or negative circumstances. Finally, cat carries with it a strong link to the feminine, so when one appears in the dreams of a woman, it can symbolize protection.

In my dreams, the cats I have been seeing are fine. They are not injured or hurt. In one OBE I was even feeding a cat. They tend to be tabby cats, either orange of gray, and about normal size. Sometimes they lash out at me, but I am never afraid of them. I just see them and take note of them and I always remember them when I wake up.

white kittenUnlike cats, kittens represent a transitional phase in life. They are the path to independence and life exploration. Kittens are playful and energetic, thus, they often are a message to bring more of these qualities into one’s life. Like all baby mammals, they practice the skills they will one day use as adults. When a white kitten presents itself in a dream it represents peace, purity and openness to new things. When a black kitten presents itself in a dream it represents fear in using psychic abilities and believing and trusting one’s own intuition.

I have seen both black and white kittens in my dreams/OBEs. In fact, recently it is kittens more than cats that I see most frequently. Every time I see them, I am curious but not overly excited to see them. They are just another part of the dream. Yet, when I wake up, the image of the kitten(s) is still vivid in my mind. I can’t help but think that this is because they come with a message, one that is obviously not getting through to me.

Cat Totem

After writing this post and sharing it, a friend of mine suggested that perhaps the cat was one of my totems. When I read her comment I knew instantly she was right. As I child I loved cats and collected cat statues. I then tossed the statues and my love of cats, but apparently the cat did not abandon me.

In researching the cat totem, I found many explanations but one in particular caught my eye. This website used Ted Andrews book, Animal Speak as its main source of information. You can find the website here.

“If cat appears in your life the blending of magic and mystery is at hand. A trustworthy teacher, the cat will guide you into the world of self discovery and transformation”.

“In Egypt cats were always given special privileges and were treated like royalty. In Scandinavia the cat stood for fertility, and in India it is a symbol of childbirth. In ancient times it was believed that witches took the form of their cats at night. Cats are fiercely independent. You can never own one: it allows you to take care of it and love it, but only on its terms. They come and go as they please, when they please. Cat’s medicine is independence, curiosity, many lives, cleverness, unpredictability, healing, the ability to fight when cornered, seeing the unseen, and protection. He also represents love and can assist us in meditation. If Cat is your Power Animal, then you have magic and mystery in your life. You are independent and a free thinker. You probably feel energized at night. You will stay with a person or situation until it bores you, and then you’re gone. You have a great talent for organizing things.”

The part in bold describes me so well!

Turtles

Strangely, amidst all of these cat and kitten dreams, I recall a dream very vividly in which I was handling baby turtles. In this particular dream I was taken to South Dakota to see the home of a very rich woman. I was carrying with me some baby turtles but did not notice them until I reached the mansion which was tucked behind some rolling hills. As I topped the hills I saw the mansion spread out before me with well manicured lawns and grand balconies. Between me and the mansion was a large, man-made pond. I walked down to the edge of the pond and deposited the turtles into it and then went up into the mansion.

I do not remember much about the mansion except the story behind it. The woman who built it wanted a home deep in the country surrounded by the rolling plains and far from other people. So this was her masterpiece, tucked away in the hills of South Dakota. I walked through the mansion and got the message that this was all she had and she was very alone, surrounded by her material possessions and very, very unhappy. When I realized the message is when I went to feed the baby turtles. I reached toward the water and one of the babies came out but he was much bigger then when I put him in. I fed him and noted his size. That is where the dream ended.

Turtles represent wisdom, faithfulness, longevity, loyalty and patience and perseverance. Turtles bring the message of turtle-636-640x360taking one’s time, being patient and persisting despite life’s obstacles. If one does this, they will make progress. Turtles can also bring the message that one may be “hiding in their shell” and avoiding life and the issues of life. When a threat approaches, the turtle withdraws into its shell and does not move. This could be analogous to an individual in life – withdrawing every time a threat approaches. No progress is made when one does this. Instead, they stay hidden, afraid and unable to move.

Considering the dream I had with the baby turtles and the message about the woman alone in her mansion, I see how the turtle symbol goes hand in hand with the woman and the prison she created for herself. She had withdrawn from humanity, surrounded herself with material possessions, and was alone. She had grand things and did not need to worry about not having enough, yet she was unhappy and devoid of life. Perhaps me feeding the baby turtles was to show me that I was feeding such characteristics within myself? Yet, when I recall the dream, the feeling of it was of peace and sanctuary. The pond where I deposited the turtles was large, dark and calm. To look at it made me very calm. I can only guess then what it all meant and the feeling of it still haunts me.

Sam

Finally, I am haunted by a particular dream that I had the night before last. The dream was very vivid, like most of my dreams have been since I stopped astral projecting. In it, I went to visit and old friend and I called him by name. I saw him and he reminded me Rob Morrow (the main character in the T.V. show, Northern Exposure). I was very happy to see him and we hugged. I asked him how he was and where he was now. He told me, “Georgetown” and I assumed he meant a city near where I live. We spent some time talking, though I do not remember what about now. All I recall is the image of him and feeling that I had met up with a long-time friend. I was so fascinated by the meeting that I woke up repeating his name to myself – Sam Sheldon.

I do not know who this Sam is. I wish I could remember his face more, but I cannot except that he was similar in looks to Rob Morrow but he was better looking. I tried a search on the internet and could not find anyone that matched the information I brought back with me from my dream. Perhaps the man from my dreams is not someone who is currently residing on Earth. Perhaps he is just a fictitious character created by me. Or maybe he is just one of my guides. I doubt I will ever know but it sure felt like a reunion with someone who is currently living a life on Earth. I wish I knew.