Tag Archives: thoughts

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Redefining Reality

Like clockwork I am visited in the evenings before bed by my Companion. His presence and intent is made known via an intense pulling sensation in my third-eye. If I send out a mental query, I receive nothing in return. Yet if I direct my focus to my heart center, I received the communication. It is from this center that I receive his messages and accompanying comfort and calm.

I am unaccustomed to this new method of communication and struggle with it greatly. I want, no it seems I need, to translate the messages I receive into thoughts and words. Writing posts in this blog adds to this difficulty in translating what it is that I have received. In our original form we do not speak in words or even thoughts like what would be expected by us in the physical form. We speak in feelings which translate into a deep knowingness that is not limited to words/language.

My understanding is that I am to recover that which I have lost in the transfer into this human form. This includes, among many other abilities, the ability to know without the need to rationalize or analyze through the use of thoughts and language.

Yet at the same time I am still urged to share this process of transformation, of awaking to my True Self, with others. To do so means language must be used to translate all that is occurring. This is an intricate process because to use language incurs the use of the human mind and thus awakens the Ego to the process. It seems a catch-22 but I am assured it can be done.

Control of Thought

One lesson I am learning is how to control the random thoughts that are rising up out of my subconscious. They bombard me especially as I attempt to fall to sleep. Images such as a messy room strewn with torn paper and a pair of broken glasses and a counter top covered in spilled milk. The second these images appear there is an accompanying reaction of rejection and anxiety. It fills up my entire chest region and pulls me to wakefulness. I think of my youngest who has been into mischief these last few weeks – climbing up onto the kitchen counter or getting into things he should not. He has been known to toss dishes on the floor and break eye glasses (two pair now) among other things.

Image after image came into my mind last night and each time I awoke to a strong anxiety and upset. I pleaded to my Companion to help me. Why is this happening?

I was instructed to become the Observer and to note what was occurring each time one of these thoughts came into my mind. It did not take me long to recognize the pattern – visual appears followed by immediate rejection and welling up of anxiety.

It was then explained to me that these random images were the result of a purging of my third chakra and heart centers. There is a need to control my environment attached to a belief that if I can keep it under control then it cannot control me. The key to dissolving the images was to change my reaction to them. Acceptance is the key. Allow the experience to occur. Inspect the negative reaction. Allow it to teach me what it has to teach.

All experience has a lesson for us. To reject the experience is to reject the lesson. To reject the lesson means it will repeat until it is learned.

I appealed to my Companion, “But I react instantly and seem not to be able to control it”.

The response was that to control automatic reactions one must disengage and become the observer. And one must not be discouraged along the way for this is a habit that has been a lifetime in the making and will take time to reverse.

Discouraged, I felt suddenly very overwhelmed and wanted to quit.

I was then reminded that I must celebrate even the “smallest” of achievements.

Seeing Things as they Are

Still struggling to fall asleep, I was brought to awareness by a simple statement: “You will see things as they are rather than how you want them to be.”

I thought of it but could not stay focused and managed to fall asleep (finally!).

New Patterns in the Making

I overslept by 40 minutes this morning. My alarm did not go off and my husband and daughter forgot to wake me. As I rushed to get ready for work, my tired mind was interrupted periodically by the calming thoughts of my Companion. Each comment was in response to a thought of my own.

“I’m going to be late” was redirected with, “Let it go” and a feeling of calm and a knowing that it was not a big deal.

“I am going to miss my first appointment” was redirected with, “I can change my schedule”.

As I drove, I encountered a dreamy feeling and my vision was hazy. I briefly worried I would get into an accident and I was reminded that my thoughts create my reality and to control them. I no longer thought of “what-ifs” and drove faster than my normal cautious speed.

I arrived to work on time and noticed the sun in its brilliance as it rose. I heard my Companion say to me, “Celebrate! It’s a new day!” and I was filled with wonder and joy, as if this day was my first day of life.

And so far, it has been a good day.

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New Direction

Since my experience on the 12th I have been processing the changes that resulted. I cannot put into words what happened/is happening. It is just a process that has a definite end result. The in-between period, the time of reorganization, has begun. How long it will last, I do not know for sure, but I do know that it will last as long as it takes for me to come back into balance.

Too Many Thoughts

I find my thoughts being pulled in many different directions. I am struggling to find time to direct those thoughts and I want badly to do so because they are not going away. I feel drawn more than ever to put my thoughts into words but when I try to organize them in a presentable way, I cannot. For me, this is a conundrum. I am, by nature, very good at organizing my thoughts into easily understandable sentences and paragraphs that flow together in a easy-to-read fashion. This comes from years of schooling and essay writing. Yet I feel split into so many different directions, the ideas piling up on top of one another and threatening to overwhelm me.

I am near tears writing this because I cannot seem to get myself to focus on any one thing for very long. When I try I feel like my head is going to explode in frustration as I struggle to form my thoughts. What is happening to me!?

I see this as an energy adjustment from head to toe with each layer of my aura being affected. There is white light radiating downward and all kinds of colors intermingled, the most prominent of these colors is blue, lavender, pink, and fuchsia. I am not sure how kundalini usually works or if there is a “usual” way, but from what I am shown, my kundalini is coming into my center from both directions, above and below. I am told this disrupts more than just my energy. I guess my thoughts are being affected as well?

This in effect is the “rewiring” I have seen so often written about online and in channeled messages and such. I finally understand it. I am being told to be patient with myself and being reassured that the thoughts and ideas I am trying to get a handle on will not “disappear” but will be available to me at the time they are meant to be shared.

Symptoms

And so I give up on trying to control this as it is obvious I am to become a passenger in this car down the road to awakening. I am a horrible backseat driver (ask my poor husband) so this will be a challenge. However, if my Higher Self is anything like me, he/she will not be one to give in to my complaints and whining. Thankfully I have a feeling he/she is much more compassionate and understanding than I typically am.

I am being urged to present my symptoms to you all and since these thoughts are the ones that are easily accessible and clear in my mind, I will submit to them and the guidance of my Higher Self.

  • Headache the comes and goes
  • Lower back pain
  • Increased thirst
  • Increased hunger
  • Increased energy fluctuations
  • Sweating
  • Sporadic energy “bursts” from heart, third chakra and head
  • Sporadic “lightening” bolts of energy from bottom and top of body
  • Increased desire to lay on my stomach when sleeping
  • Inability to sleep with another person (going on for 2 years now)
  • High energy
  • Periods of deep, dreamless sleep
  • Increased instances of OBEs, visions and other phenomenon
  • Vision fluctuations
  • Increased perceptivity
  • Sensitivity to food, drugs, alcohol
  • Disorganized thoughts; confusion
  • Spontaneous instances of physical body detoxification which results in illness, digestive changes, metabolism fluctuations
  • Sudden mood swings

_74219715_changeNew Direction

And again the word “conundrum” comes into my mind. This word is not a usual one for me which brings me to suspect that part of the changes occurring is a rewiring of my brain. It means, “A confusing or difficult problem or situation”. And I had to look it up because, well, I am a mommy now not a college student. Anyway, it is so very perfect a word to describe my situation. It is confusing! But this is a confusion beyond anything I have ever experienced. If I weren’t sure this is the direct result of my spiritual awakening/ascension I would surely be considering seeking professional help!

And I remember I have been here before. Years ago during my first attempt at this transformation (the one I stopped), I recall feeling similarly and it causing me to be certain I was very much indeed going insane. I was so thoroughly convinced of this fact that I went to a psychiatrist who promptly diagnosed me as Bipolar II. Ha! I even took the nasty little anti-psychotic drug she prescribed. I only lasted four days on it because I knew it was NOT right and I was NOT crazy. In actuality, the drug was making me feel crazier! Anyway, I have been here before and I am being guided/told “the only way out is through”.

This new direction, this uncharted territory, is what I am afraid of. I can feel the fear in my third chakra as it rises in me at the very thought of allowing my Higher Self to take charge. I am being asked to step back. Me. The one who has been in control (or the illusion thereof) of this body, mind and life for 38 years! How dare he/she! Yet I am so not resistant, believe-it-or-not. I am ready for this. But I am afraid. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid that I will go crazy. Afraid that I will get lost somewhere in the confusion of my thoughts and never find my way back.

This new direction is literally to give over access of my thoughts to my Higher Self. So far I am understanding this to mean that whenever I am faced with the feeling of confusion that rises in intensity whenever I focus on the many thoughts floating haphazardly through my mind, I am to immediately focus upon my heart and be still. When I do this, the confusion dissipates and there is calm. And when I do this a thought stream appears that is coherent and clearly separate.

As I try to process this I feel the fear rising and I suppress it, swallowing hard. I want to freak out and think, think, think it to death, but I can’t. It is like someone has put a tourniquet on my mind. The only thought that comes through is to focus on my heart, listen and trust. When I do that, my head and heart both buzz with energy. My head almost feels as if I will pass out the energy is so intense.

And I have an urge to get out. Out of the house and outside. Live life. Focus on life, even if it is boring and mundane. This is where I will find balance. And I need that right now.