I can’t sleep and feel I need to write this so here I go.

The 12/12 “activation” or portal or whatever it is called is real. At least for me, anyway.

There are no words to really describe what is happening to me as I type this. I am still not sure even what is happening but I know it is good. I also know that what my guide told me is true: I cannot stop it.

Earth, Fire, Air and Water

In my dream I was speaking with others, several others, at least four. I don’t recall the conversation now, but I remember some parts of it. 1. I was voicing my concern about not knowing how to handle an energy exchange that was going on, at least it feels like we were discussing energy. 2. The energy exchange had to do with the elements. 3. Others were helping and the message was that I needed to communicate with the elements of this energy.

What I recall most vividly is talking to an “element” who was very obviously masculine, yet at the same time I did not feel particularly feminine. I could see the communication in my mind, typed out. When I responded it was also typed out. This went on for some time within a “void”. It was as if I were floating in this void but I do not recall feeling as if I were floating. The words elude me now, but I do remember reaching out to this masculine energy and speaking to him about the elements. I believe, though I don’t remember exactly, that I was trying to blend “water” with “fire” but then “earth” was also discussed so I am at a loss as to which element exactly I was portraying and which one the masculine presence was portraying.

When it was decided that I would go through with whatever I was doing (energy work?) I felt myself very much to be laying down with my back to this masculine energy. I felt him/it (the energy) gingerly reach out to me and wrap around me from behind. It was like a hug, but nothing like any hug I have ever known. What is very important here is that this energy was patient, understanding and deeply connected to me. He was approaching me tentatively and with such care that I felt completely and utterly open and trusting towards him. I surrendered to him and the energy intensified, filling me to my core and exploding out my midsection.

I awoke in this energy very rigid, my body feeling contorted and stiff as the energy seemed to skewer me at an angle. It entered from below my root and shot up through my center. It did not hurt but it was odd and I could not get a grasp on my feelings. In fact, I had such odd feelings that I do not know how to describe them except to say that they were muted and confused. I felt I should cry, but I had no tears and no welling up of emotion. I felt I should cry out in ecstasy, but there was no ecstasy to be felt. My mind was awake but I could not think. It was like I was frozen.

My guide was near and he seemed to be the source of this odd calm or frozen emotional feeling I was having. The gentleness with which he handled me is beyond words. I tried to understand what was going on, but all he would say was, “You are changing”. I understood this to be true but I didn’t know why, or how.

I focused on the energy because it was still very much alive within me. It felt to me to be writhing and moving around in a zigzag or winding pattern. It moved upward and I held my breath anticipating it hitting my heart chakra, but it never did. My guide said, “It is fear”, but I felt no fear. How can you have fear but not feel it??

I then became very uncomfortably aware that I needed to pee. I also felt my upper back arching and I could not relax it. My head began to throb dully and I could feel my higher chakras shooting energy upward, but like all of the energy, it was gentle and no emotion came of it. I literally felt like my body was a channel of energy and I was just its confused, observing participant.

I eventually got up and the energy continued. After I used the restroom and satiated my thirst I became horribly hungry. I tried to return to sleep but had to eat. So I went down to eat.

Knowing

I checked the time and it was 12:50am. I had been awake for some time and suspected the beginning of this event occurred right after midnight. On 12/12. 12/12/14. I guess the message was true. But what of the veil that was to lift? I didn’t/don’t understand the message’s significance. Yet.

I attempted to sleep but so many questions flooded my mind (along with the energy that even now is lingering). My guide asked me to answer them from within and I suddenly knew the answers and the calm in the knowingness with them is beyond words.

I knew/was told my path, my purpose on Earth, was soon to be revealed to me. I knew it involved helping others who were both here and those that were not yet here. It is hard to put into words what I knew./know but it is as if my job is to be a channel between worlds, a conduit allowing consciousness to flow unhindered in both directions. If I could draw a picture it would be of me, my body, floating as if laying sideways on my side, with energy coursing through me. The energy has no exit and no entrance, it just is. Like a lightening bolt, it shoots through my center and pours out of me in all directions. I am immobilized and my body is not mine, it is a tool I use to do my work.

I am aware of much above, behind and all around me. It is consciousness and it is ever expansive. I feel those who are that consciousness, waiting. They are all one now, but will not remain that way. They are waiting. They are waiting. They are waiting. It keeps repeating and it makes me want to burst out in tears that are filled with every emotion imaginable.

And I still hear my guide say, “You are afraid”, and I understand. I am afraid but it is of something I do not quite understand yet. It is immense and I feel the burden of it, but I cannot express the feeling. It sits in my core and the energy fills it and explodes outward.

I don’t think there are words for what is happening. If there were, I for sure would know them.

And I hear my guide, my most beloved, patient, caring, nurturing and loving Higher Self, say, “Yes. It will continue” when I wonder if I will ever fall back to sleep. I know I will, but I have to write this first.

I thought of calling a friend who is likely fast asleep, hundreds of miles away with her family all around her. I do not want to burden her with….what? I do not even know. I call out to her with my soul and I feel connections to others I know but have never met. Some on FB some I have yet to meet. Who are they? I know them but I do not remember them.

Kundalini

It is irrevocable what is happening to me. There is nothing I can do but I am not resistant. I know the energy is best termed “kundalini” and I am now a believer that the serpent resides within me and is coiling, twisting and pushing its way upward to the light above. I am the light and the serpent is reaching toward me. I can feel the energy from above pushing downward as much as I feel the energy below coursing upward. When they meet there will be union and I am almost there. If I could just get past my fear.

My guide tells me, “You are clear”, but I wonder if I am only clear in one chakra as I can feel the blockage in the dullness of the energy shooting out of my second and third chakras. Thankfully it is not painful and I am pleased at that, though I know if I push too hard, rush what is happening, that I could be in agony. Not just a physical agony but a mental one as well.

It is true that this must progress slowly. That the process must not be altered but allowed to go on unhindered. But then again I cannot stop it now can I?