Monthly Archives: December 2014

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12/12/14

I had quite a few dreams once I entered dreamland, but now most are lost to me. I awoke after them and even went over and over them in my head, but I only remember tidbits of information.

The dream I remember parts of occurs at a very elaborate house – a mansion. I am there with my husband and some other people. We are sneaking around and it is very obvious we are trespassing. There are only glimpses of the dream left for me now. I recall there being a man who was very large. I knew he was going to die. I saw in a calendar in front of me and struggled to read it. I finally made out the date 12/12/14. I reconsidered, second guessing myself for a bit and thinking it must have said 12/14/14, but then I was corrected by someone (myself?) and settled on 12/12/14.

As my group was leaving one area, we drove under an arch that was heavy with ivy. The large man died and I confirmed that it was 12/12/14. I remember feeling various emotions at this but most of all I recall feeling unable to keep it from happening.

We continued on and got out of the car. We found the owners face down in a jacuzzi and I screamed, “Call 9-1-1!” Then my husband (who was my ex husband now) turned and said, “They’re alive! They were playing a joke on us!”

I struggled with my lucidity at this point. I knew I was dreaming but seemed unable to control the way my dream turned out. I felt like I was playing tug-of-war with myself. For a while I would gain control and begin to take over and then I lose it and find myself sucked back into a dream I was not interested in.

OBE

I finally was able to gain control of the dream and instantly felt the familiar sensations that come with separation from my body. I soon found the scene changed. I was inside the mansion in the living room. Sitting before me was my three-year-old son. He was watching t.v., the light from the screen illuminated him making him seem to glow with energy. The room itself was dark except for my son and the t.v. but I could make out some of the furnishings and the curtains. It resembled my Mom’s house but not exactly.

I went up to my son and he saw me and reacted with a smile. I tried to get him to come with me but he would not budge. He wanted to watch t.v. I felt very aware and wanted desperately to make the darkness fade away. I left my son to his t.v. watching and went to the front door. As I opened it I stated, “There will be light!”

When I opened the door, though, there was no light. It was dark. I did see the moon illuminating the entire scene and felt as if I were being transported into a different world. I saw strange shapes hovering and when I tried to focus upon them, thinking they were familiar objects the scene would shimmer. The energy swirled around me, pulling me out into what I was seeing, but I resisted. I felt I could not control what was happening! I didn’t panic, I just was in shock or maybe awe. It is hard to describe.

I closed my eyes and began to chant, “Om”. I could feel it resonate deep within me and all at once my core shook, but not violently. My vision blacked out and I was swept up into the vibrations very quickly, almost like I was sucked into a tornado. It was not scary but I felt as if I were broken into millions of pieces. The force of it brought me back into my body.

Disappointed I lay there in bed wondering, “What happened?” My guide said, “You cannot force two dimensions into three”. I did not understand at first but then it all began to make sense at once. I will try to explain it but it is difficult to put into words.

What I experienced before chanting “Om” was movement from a lower dimension into a higher one. From what I understood, I was moving into the mental plane and the chant accelerated the process. Since I was already a bit resistant to the movement the vibrations and odd “breaking apart of myself” caused me to withdraw and retreat back into my body.

Can’t Breathe

A bit overwhelmed by what I just experienced, I decided to go back to sleep but stated first that I wanted to go OOB. I lay on my stomach and tried to get comfortable but my nose was stuffy and my head felt heavy. I closed my eyes and drifted into the in-between state.

My guide spoke to me while I was floating there in-between. I don’t remember everything he said but as he was talking I continued to periodically mentally chant, “Om”. When I did, I became very aware of where I was and what was going on and followed through on my intent to leave my body.

The first time I noted that I was at the point where I could leave my body, I began to kick my legs and felt them separate from my physical body. I rolled out of my body, rocking back and forth and then all the way over. It took tons of effort and I recognized this meant I was in the etheric. I hit the floor and began to crawl toward the door. It felt like my face was covered or draped with heavy blankets and I tried to pull them off to see better. As I did my throat constricted and I suddenly could not breathe. I gasped for air and then quickly returned to my body and took a deep breath.

I immediately allowed myself to relax and began to “Om” again. I felt my body vibrate and took advantage of it and rolled out of my body effortlessly. I again felt heavy and pulled myself up, trying to break the invisible chains that seemed to be holding me down. I felt like I was dragging myself toward the door when I was hit again with a constriction in my throat. I remained calm and kept putting the intent out there to stay OOB but it didn’t work. My body pulled me back and I gasped for air again.

This happened a couple of more times, each time I succeeded to consciously leave my body. Each time my throat constricted and I stopped breathing. I do have a head cold but it is not a bad one, but perhaps that is what caused the constriction? It really felt as if my physical body stopped breathing when I left it. Scary to think of it but I wonder if I were able to ignore my body if I would have suffocated?

Messages

There are some messages I received while in-between. I managed to remember most of them.

One message was about the 12/12/14 date. My guide told me, “The veil will be lifted” when I asked him what the significance of this date was. For me, the veil is the in-between state that I often find myself in when I meditate or am about to go OOB but my guide describes it as a separation between my physical and spiritual. I guess I will find out on the 12th. Perhaps I am not completely understanding what “the veil” is?

I was not concerned about this message but then was told, “You cannot stop it”.

Finally, I was told that I needed to stop trying to control my OBEs, that this is why I continue to remain at the same level experience after experience. The actual words I heard were, “You can’t control it”. This bothered me because I was always led to believe that I had control of myself when OOB and that all I had to do was set an intent and I could go wherever I wanted. As I questioned my guide about what he meant, I understood it to mean that whatever is happening to me is not something my Earth self has any control over. The message is that it WILL happen whether I like it or not.

Factors Influencing Projection

Lucidity scale: 5 increasing to 8

Intent stated?: Yes

Time to bed: 10:00pm

Time to wake: 4:00am; 6:00am, 7:30am

Meditation?: Yes

Physical Exercise?: Yoga

Mood: normal

Body: headache, stuffy head cold, body aches from exercise

Tiredness: Low

Number of wakings: 3

Technique?: No

Sleeping position: Left side, stomach

Supplements: Multivitamin, 500mg vitamin E, 1000mg Biotin, 1000mg Evening Primrose Oil,  Natural Calm, Sleepy Time Extra Tea, Benadryl 25mg, Calcium 500mg, Vitamin D 1000mg, Vitex 150mg, DonQuai 150mg

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Stay With Me

Last night and this morning was very eventful. I did not see it coming either. I have been experiencing such calm and balance that I assumed I would have blissful, uneventful sleep.

Dead Baby

I awoke at 4am sharp in tears. The dream is not all very clear to me now except for the end, so I will recount it and hope it starts to make sense at some level.

I was very aware of being part of a trio of people. I was one of two women. We had been living together alone for some time, me, my lover and her son. My lover’s husband had been deployed and gone for a long time. She did not think she would ever see him again.

Then one day, to our surprise, my lover’s husband returned. When he arrived he was surprised to find his wife with a roommate who he later discovered was his substitute. Interestingly, he was not upset and just joined us, joking we were his “two wives”.

It took a while for him to accept me, but he eventually did. He began to sleep in the same bed as us and even attempted to touch me and cuddle with me. I recall worrying about him and sensing he was not really sure about all of us being together. Three’s a crowd, you know.

I remember talking to the husband and telling him I that I will not blame him if he leaves, but he refuses to admit he is uncomfortable with the situation. We all get to know each other after that and I show them my ability: I can fly. I hover over the ground and show them how I do it. I point to my chest/heart area and explain it is all in the “heart”. I am able to hover about and they are extremely interesting in watching, but I do not recall them ever doing it themselves.

We somehow end up at a water park and they ask me to show them and others my ability. We are at this huge waterfall/slide. It is at least a half mile wide and this sparkling, aqua-clear blue. I hover over the water for a time but when I fly over the edge the water takes me down with it and at the end I am wet but unharmed.

The time shifts and I feel as if years had passed. The husband is showing signs of discomfort at his situation. His son, who I later found out was not his real son but step-son, is taking much of our and his time. I remember him saying, “I cannot take this anymore. I did not sign up for this”. At the time I am pregnant with his child.

Fast forward again and the baby is about to be born, but I am now an observer. As the baby is born and laid out, it is discovered that he has something in his brain. The doctor finds a hemangeoma but it is located in the neck and says the baby will be fine. The husband and woman are relieved. I now enter the scene and tell the husband it is okay for him to feel overwhelmed, that I understand if he wants to leave. We hug. When we hug, one of us hits the bed the baby is on and he falls to the floor. When he falls, he hits his head and instantly dies. His head is flattened in the dream and very disfigured. I feel awful and say, “It’s my fault” and watch as the mother picks him up and cries. I then see the ultrasound photos of him and begin to cry. I wake up in tears.

Stay With Me

I ran to check on my son because of the disturbing dream but he was fine and breathing normally. I have been worried about him suffocating in his sleep for a while now because he keeps getting colds, so any dream that suggests he may be in danger causes me to worry.

I went back to bed and tossed and turned for some time. My guide was close and I kept hearing the song “Stay With Me”, by Sam Smith. It is not a song I particularly like but it seems songs are one of the main ways my guides communicate with me and the song keeps coming until I hear the message.

My gut reaction to this song and the dream is that I am struggling to move forward with what has been going on with me both consciously and subconsciously.

Consciously, my guide has been asking me to decide what I want so that I can move forward. Oddly, I am unable to decide what I want to do with my life other than recognizing I want to feel peace and calm. Subconsciously, I am told I am shifting awareness and that it is creating an internal struggle. I am told this is normal and part of the process and to be patient with myself for my Ego is not easily swayed.

The dream symbols here are quite obvious to me. A baby is a new idea or path/direction. In this dream the baby is found to have a growth which suggests there may be a flaw in this path, but not one that will cause significant problems. However, the baby dies and I admit it is my fault. This suggests that I am taking responsibility for a new goal/path not coming to fruition. Perhaps I am also considering dropping this path altogether?

The waterfall is significant of emotion and since it is clear it is not muddled emotion, but clear, recognizable and confrontable emotion. The water fall is vast, suggesting there is much emotion to clear and that it may result of a drastic shift for me, as per the waterfall part. I attempt to fly above the water, avoiding it, but am swept up in it suggesting I cannot avoid this shift.

The discussion with the man in the dream seems to be a discussion I am having with myself about the feelings of overwhelm I have been having associated with my role in the family. I tell him it is okay to feel the way he feels and that I will understand if he chooses to leave. Perhaps I am accepting this part of myself? It sure felt that way considering the emotional effect it had on me both in the dream and upon waking.

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Driving Test

Yesterday was a good day. I spent most of the day with my husband. The children were with my mother-in-law. I enjoyed every minute of my freedom.

Driving Test

I went to bed feeling very relaxed and balanced. For once I was in a good mood and I felt good, too! I did yoga and then mediated for quite some time before drifting to sleep.

I dreamed I was going to take a driving test. It had been five years and it was time to recertify that I knew the rules for driving. I remember feeling ill prepared. I had not studied. I sat down at a desk next to a girl I went to high school with. “Why is she here?” I thought. The woman who was teaching the class asked us if we were ready and did a quick review. I remember having notes and looking them over. I was reading long lists of things I had to remember. I saw entire sections, one said Section M1. I remember thinking the questions were unfair, asking me to recall details that were not important to driving.

I got out my pencil and noticed it needed sharpening. I informed the teacher who sent a student to another class to sharpen it for me. I then looked through my bag and found I had a brand new pencil in there. I showed the teacher, apologized and then got up to sharpen it myself. When I was done, I sat down and looked through my notes some more. There was a section in it that was talking about the changes happening in the world. I remember finding it interesting because it was exactly what was happening to me! I saw information about the chakras and energy and how it was important to be balanced during this time. I read eagerly but I ran into a section where my writing was unintelligible. It exasperated me and I began to furiously look for anything else about where to find this important information. I saw the page number – 643. I knew it came from the manual we used for class, the very class I was about to take a test in! I remember looking for the manual but not being able to find it. All I had were copious amounts of handwritten notes and I had not reviewed them! I needed more time!

The teacher began to hand out the tests. I got mine and became nervous. Everyone else was intently working on theirs as soon as they received it. The teacher told us we had until that evening and then left the room. Seeing I had the freedom to leave and take my test with me, I left the room quickly. I intended to find a place without prying eyes where I could use my notes to take the test. I went directly to the parking lot to find my car.

When I left the room I detoured into a bathroom and suddenly had the idea to hide in a stall to take the test. When I got in I encountered a woman and hid the test and pencil behind my back. When she left I went into a stall but it turned into a cubicle. I looked at the test and noticed the light was too dim to see by. I could not make out the words and what I could make out made no sense! I do recall the first half was analogy problems and there was a sample problem with the answer. I could not figure out how it made any sense and thus could not answer any of the questions. There were also matching questions but I could not read them as there was not enough light.

I finally exited the building and went into the parking lot. It was snowing and icy. I made it to my car and got inside. Again, there was not enough light to see by. Upset by this and noting the day was coming to an end, I began to panic. I began to drive but my car turned into a motorcycle. I flew up the icy roads, revving my engine. At once point it sputtered and I urged it on but knew it was not going to make it much farther.

Somehow I ended up seeing my teachers (there were now two) and other students and saw that the main teacher was allowing them back into the classroom for retakes. I told her I had messed up on my test and needed another one. She smiled and gave me the new test. I sat down to take it and noticed it had the name of another person written on the top but it had been erased. It was still readable and was very large like the handwriting of a child. I don’t recall the name except that it started with an M. I remember feeling nervous about the test still but I was grateful for two things: 1. I was not alone and 2. I was getting another chance.

Interpretation

I believe this dream was symbolic of my feeling that I need to make a decision but not wanting to. The driving test is representative of my goals or aspirations being put to the test. Questions are being asked about what I want to do with my future. Sharpening a pencil symbolizes the need to be more flexible in my way of thinking and to listen more. Driving a motorcycle symbolizes a desire for freedom and adventure as well as a desire to escape something. In the dream I push the motorcycle to its breaking point indicating that I have recognized that my avoidance has gone on too long. Finally, driving in snow suggests I need to be careful about how I approach my goals.

Flower Car

I then dreamed I was back working at my old, hated job. I found out that it had been taken over by the local police department. As a result, all of the previous staff had been let go. I inquired about my previous boss and was told he no longer worked there. I was surprised about all of this and for a moment was happy and then I felt bad for them. I knew they would have all taken it hard as they did not want to change and had stayed there because it was easier than creating the change they needed.

I was introduced to several young people who were students. Then I went into a room that was devoid of furniture and the person with me laughed at me for going in there. One student, a young black girl, came in and sat down at a desk. She was brought a computer and I asked her if she knew how to use it. She nodded that she did and I sat with her to help her. She struggled with writing and said she felt overwhelmed about writing more than 33 words which was what was required of the assignments. I showed her how to rewrite the question as part of her answer and take up words that way. She listened.

Then all of a sudden there were more students. They began to sing their assignments and danced about. I was interested and got into it, thinking, “What a great idea!” I felt happy for the students. They were finally making learning fun!

When the music stopped I remember being told that learning that way was not allowed. That the students would get carried away if allowed to have fun and that they must not be allowed to do that because they will do bad things. I saw this possibility and agreed to not let them do it anymore. I felt subdued.

I was then told the new boss was coming. He arrived and I was glad to see it was not my old boss. I remember telling them I hated my old boss, but in my head I could not get a clear memory of him as two different faces blurred and blended in my mind. I think I got the other bosses confused with this new one and so backed away from him. He was tall and blonde and quite good looking but I stayed away from him.

A young woman with long, straight black hair came toward me and we began to talk. She had such love about her and I was instantly drawn to her. She and I got along well and she helped me and listened to me. We sat down along the side of the road looking at a valley with a river flowing through it. The grass was green and it was a lovely, quiet and relaxing place. She put her hand in mine and asked me if I wanted to be with her. I did. I knew she liked women and that I did not, but that is not what caused me to feel disappointed. I turned to her and told her, “I would, but I have to tell you that I am married”. She understood and kept holding my hand. I put my head on her shoulder and just sat there with her. As I did, I saw a car drive by and its roof was covered with flowers. I looked closer and saw they were each in tiny pots and I remember saying, “I want a car like that”.

Flower Car

This dream seemed mostly to symbolize me coming to terms with my past. I return to my old job to find that all the past participants in such a stressful period of my life have gone. They are replaced with others who are more accepting but they still insist that the students will be “bad” if allowed to go out of control and have too much fun. I must have a belief that “fun” leads to bad things. The 33 is significant in that it represents high potential and spiritual awareness. The lesbian I meet represents an aspect of myself that I want to be reunited with. She represents self-love and self-acceptance. Finally, the flowers on the car symbolize perfection and spirituality. When I say I want that car, I am saying that is what I want for my life as cars symbolize life paths.

Considerations

I remain in a state of calm and balance today. I feel rested and well. I cannot stop thinking about how my dreams are suggesting I make a change in my life. I am not sure what this change should be and I realize a part of me fears failure and so I stay with what I know I will succeed at. I struggle to come to a decision about what I want. I seem to want nothing other than to feel the way I felt in that last dream.