Monthly Archives: February 2015

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Teaching in Astral

I awoke at 5:30am a bit irritated to be wide awake at such an early time. I tried to go back to sleep by my tummy was rumbling and my mouth was dry. So, I got up to get a snack and a drink. My husband was awake preparing for the marathon. I said hi, ate my snack and returned to bed.

Within the hour my baby started crying. I had still not gone back to sleep so it was no big deal. I got him his bottle and saw my two other children were watching t.v. downstairs and had all the lights on. It was early so that was surprising. I set up the baby with his bottle and went back to bed knowing he was ready to wake up for the day and would be fine with his siblings to play with him.

I tried to fall asleep again but a dove was cooing outside my window and would not stop. I put a pillow over my head and cursed him and considered going to another room to sleep. I actually considered just getting up since I was not tired and my lower back and pelvic area ached. I decided to do some stretches in bed to alleviate the ache. It worked and I rolled over to try to sleep.

OBE #1: Conversation with Husband

I found myself in a semi-lucid dream reaching to my right and touching my husband as he lay next to me. I could feel his body, it was warm and solid. He moved and I said something to him and he responded but I don’t know what I said. What I do remember is thinking, “He’s not home right now. This must be a dream!”

This thought woke me up and I opened my eyes, blinked and thought, “I want to astral”. I rolled over and felt the familiar heavy sensation that comes with sleep followed by subtle vibrations that rolled up and down my body comfortingly. I must have fallen asleep quickly because the next thing I did was reach over to see if my husband was there. He was. He was very real and solid again and I thought, “I am dreaming. I can exit now”.

With the thought I felt the vibrations again. I rolled in the direction of my husband’s body and felt myself separate from my physical body. I immediately bobbed up over the bed and my astral vision came on clear. The room was bright and I could clearly seeing my husband’s completely naked body curled up on the bed facing where I had been. I was not there, though.

Knowing that my husband was running the marathon, I reminded myself that this was likely not him but probably one of his counterparts. I did not even consider that he was completely made up (which I am glad of). I hovered there looking at him for a while, happy that my vision was clear and I was not in a dark, gloomy environment. I then moved closer to him and touched him on the leg. He turned towards me and smiled and we talked. I asked him how his run was going and he said, “Difficult. I just got done getting around all the groups of people”. I recognized this as I had run the half marathon with him in 2011 and the beginning is like trying to push your way through a crowd until you get to mile 5 and then it thins out.

He sent me a feeling of love and reached for me and I let him. I could feel him and knew, even though it wasn’t really him, that I was communicating with him on another level and that pleased me.

My vision blacked out and I felt the familiar vibrations return and immediately thought, “I want to go back”.

OBE #2: Neighbor’s Visit

I again felt the vibrations and reached over and felt my husband lying next to me. I rolled out and up without effort and the room was dark this time. I had heard a baby crying and so looked to find my baby in the room as well. I looked for him, worried when I couldn’t find him, but then found him sleeping in a mound of blankets. I let him sleep and ventured toward the door.

I got to the door and recall mentally checking to see if this would be “okay”. I felt it was and so continued but my body felt a bit heavy. I said, “More energy” and I immediately felt lighter. I walked out the door of the room and recognized my house. I decided to go down the stairs and into the living area. It was not lit up like I expected but it was golden colored.

At this time I heard the sound of someone coming into the house and then talking to my kids. I went to investigate and saw a middle aged woman with thin, blond, short hair that came to her chin. I asked her, “Why are you in my house? What are you doing here?” She seemed completely comfortable with being there and oblivious to her intrusion. She said, “I wanted to talk to you about a problem with the fences. Our group has been working to repair all the fences in the neighborhood. They are falling down. Like yours”. She pointed to our fence in the backyard. We were standing in the kitchen area looking out, the room was well illuminated and I was looking at her closely to try and figure out who the heck she was.

Realizing she was likely dreaming and really not too interested in her, I went along with her conversation. I asked, “When are you planning to do this?” She said, “2053”. I thought that sounded weird and for a moment thought she must have said 1953 but then changed my mind.

I said, “Hmmm, that seems like way too long to me. If you were going to do it in 2015 then that would make more sense”.

I was standing at our french doors looking out at the back yard and wanting to go out when I said this. The doors swung open gently and I could feel the night breeze on my face. I also could see the night sky dotted with stars and felt a call to go out. I turned around, instantly knowing the woman would no longer be there. Sure enough, she was gone, the chair she had been sitting in was empty.

I walked outside, sending a silent query about if it was okay. I felt it was, so I walked into the yard and could feel the green grass on my bare feet. I could also see the trees and the night sky behind them and feel the cool breeze on my face. I thought, “This is beautiful” and stood there enjoying it.

I began to focus on the stars and saw they came all the way down to meet the horizon. I felt drawn to them and allowed myself to be pulled up, but not too much. I remembered how if I thought, “Up” I would sometimes go too fast. So I thought, “Only halfway”. I stopped above the trees and before I had a chance to do anything else, my vision began to black out. I knew instantly that I was suppose to go up and not stop.

I settled back over my physical body.

astral1OBE #3: Teaching Others to Fly

I thought, “Just one more time, okay?” Then, I felt the vibrations, though subtle, and rolled out of my body again. I looked for my husband but he was not there.

I decided to go downstairs and look around. My vision was not as clear – the room was darker. As I moved toward the bedroom door I could feel my energy decrease and I said, “More energy”. When I did, I felt a surge of energy and my vision cleared, but the room was still darker than before.

I got to the stairs and started to go down but decided I wanted to fly down but felt heavy. I again said, “More energy” and felt myself lift up easily. I floated downstairs, expecting to see the bright lights and my kids watching t.v. Instead, it was dark like the rest of the house. I heard voices in the kitchen area and so went that way. I immediately saw my children with two other, smaller children. They were playing together.

A little Hispanic girl with long, dark brown hair was looking at me. I greeted her and the others and took the little girl by the hand. I lifted her up with me and he face showed a look of shock. I said to her, “It’s okay. You can fly. See? There’s nothing to be afraid of. I can help you”. She smiled when she saw she was flying and I took her up with me toward the ceiling. She laughed and I let go of her hand. She went back down quickly and I hovered up near the ceiling. I felt myself falling, too, and my vision nearly blackout and I said, “More energy”. I immediately got my vision back and was able to stay in the air.

I landed and saw that a woman was with the kids. She kicked one of them, the young boy who looked to be the Hispanic girl’s brother. I went to investigate and saw a tall, middle aged, slightly obese woman with short, dark brown hair. She was wearing a blue sweater and jeans. I went up to her and looked up at her (she was taller than me). I said to her, “Did you kick him? Please don’t kick the children”.

I then saw her face very clearly and she looked to be depressed and somewhat out of it (dazed and probably not knowing where she was or what she was doing). I didn’t recognize her but she seemed harmless enough. I asked her, “Are you okay?” She said, “No, I’m not”.

I took her by the hand and lifted her up with me saying, “I can show you how to fly”. I pulled her up but felt resistance. She was heavy and cumbersome to lift. My vision threatened to go again and I said, “More energy”. When I said this, not only did my vision stay but the woman got lighter and we both lifted up easily into the air. I told her, “You can fly here and it will make you feel better. You can come back and fly alone or I can fly with you”.

I let go of her and she fell backward and landed on the wood floor with a thump. I was initially concerned but then I heard her laugh hysterically and I smiled. I went over and pulled on her to help her lift up and she then tried to stay up. She was wobbly but eventually hovered in a sitting position, still laughing.

My vision began to fade out and I knew it was time to return to my body.

Body’s Reaction

When I returned to my body the energy of my two bodies was not coming together smoothly. I don’t know how I knew this but I did. What is odd is it felt like it does most of the time but this time I just knew it was not right.

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and knew this was part of the problem. My physical body was stressed and I mentally said, “Gently” as if saying it would help the two bodies merge better. But the energy felt off, like rocky and unstable. It was almost like my physical body was rejecting my energy body.

Realizing this strange feeling was not going to stop, I focused on moving my body to force the merging of the energy. I tried to move my hand and open my eyes. My hand moved but my astral eyes opened instead of my physical eyes and I saw the grays and blacks of the etheric. I was still not merged completely.

I focused more on my hand and then my arm, moving them both and finally feeling IN my body. I rolled over and opened my eyes. My heart stopped pounding and I felt normal.

Factors Influencing Projection

Lucidity scale: 8

Intent stated?: Yes

Time to bed: 10pm

Time to wake: 5:30am

Meditation?: No

Physical Exercise?: Yes

Mood: normal

Body: Lower back and pelvic area aching

Tiredness: Low

Number of wakings: 1

Technique?: No

Sleeping position:Left side

Supplements: Multivitamin, Natural Calm 400mg, Sleepy Time Extra Tea, Biotin 1000mg, Vitamin E 400mg, Evening Primrose Oil 1300mg

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Shutting Down

I made an appointment to see a doctor in my area for the end of the month. I have to bring a bunch of paperwork with me, so I went ahead and filled it out. It always blows me away when I fill out the family and personal medical history! I have heart related issues on both sides of my family, pretty much guaranteeing that I will have some kind of heart-related issue in my life. High blood pressure, heart disease, heart attack, stroke, high cholesterol, blood clots, and faulty heart valves. I am probably missing something in that list, too. It also really freaked me out when I wrote in my grandmother’s cancer since she got it when she was around my age. It didn’t help me feel any better.

Strange Premonitions

I am going to call this a “premonition” but it is really not like what most think. I didn’t get a vision or hear a voice or even have a dream. The last couple of days I have been doing something normal and have suddenly worried I would lose muscle control in my hands and drop whatever I was holding. For example, yesterday, I picked up the remote control which was dragged into the kitchen and slobbered on by my baby (his new favorite toy) and I got a distinct worry/feeling that my hand would suddenly drop the remote despite my holding onto it. I was a bit concerned at first, wondering if it were really happening, and had to do a reality check. I squeezed the remote and all was okay, but I didn’t forget the weird feeling/flash.

I had another similar flash/worry while typing on the computer this morning. It was the same as with the remote. While I was typing I suddenly kept feeling that my hands were going to just stop doing what I asked them to. I had a “flash” of this more like a worry than a vision and I kept having to double check what I was typing. Interestingly, I kept mistyping things and got very frustrated for a bit.

Perhaps I just created all of these visions from my overwhelming consideration that something is not quite right? I don’t know, but I can tell you that it is very unsettling to have these types of visions. It is like for a millisecond I truly believe that I have this loss of muscle function. I panic and then find I was only day dreaming it.

I will put this on the “shelf” in the back of my mind like I do all the other weird things that I can’t explain. Hopefully it is not a real premonition and just me being a worry wart.

Staring

I mentioned this in one of my other posts and since I am still noticing it, I will bring it up again. Whenever I go out into a store or a public place, I catch people staring at me. It is not just glancing, but dead on staring. It is also not just men, though there are more men than women who do it. And it is not a stare that I am comfortable with. It leaves me with an uncomfortable feeling like I need to go check the mirror to make sure I don’t have a big booger on my face.

I don’t know what it is and when I consult with my guide I hear, “How you appear on the outside is not how you appear on the inside”. I don’t get what he means, though. What the heck do I look like to people that they keep staring at me?? I want to think they are looking at something positive, like my inner radiance (gag) is shining through. But I don’t feel radiant. I have been told that my aura is a bright sun-colored orange right now. Maybe that has something to do with it. Who knows.

But then I get what my guide said. How I feel on the inside is not visible to others. They are seeing something else. It is funny to me that they might be seeing beauty because when I go out into public now I don’t wear makeup. Most of the time I am even wearing sloppy clothing and my hair is just pulled back out of my face. All the men in my life have told me that I look better like that. Maybe I do? That just makes me laugh out loud.

I still wish I knew what they were staring at.

goddessShutting Down

I did not directly tell my guide to stop talking to me, but it has gone silent during the day. I think just my writing about it the other day was the cause. It was not like I was getting constant chatter throughout the day anyway, so don’t think that. It is never like that, more like I am constantly aware of another presence close by. I just decided that I needed to do what I was being urged to do: focus on my life and live it. I suddenly realized that I was attempting to escape reality by going into my own spiritual world and this was not going to be allowed. Rather than get depressed about it, I decided to just suck it up and deal with it. I mean, we are here to live, right?

The feeling I am having is telling me to listen to my heart. My heart is telling me to follow up on the physical issue worries that keep bothering me. I keep remembering a dream I had about a hurricane. At the time the message was that I was in the eye of hurricane. So perhaps now I am coming into the “storm”, whatever that means.

I am also going to resume auditing. I believe I start next week. The initial interview brought up some issues I didn’t even know I was holding in. It is amazing to me how actually talking to someone who you know will keep what you say confidential is such a relief. No judgements will be made, no invalidation of what you say – just real listening and acceptance.

So, for now, I am focused upon the physical. I will not be seeking out spiritual experiences. If they come to me, I will accept them and use them to gain insight into life. I will share them in this blog as well, but I have a feeling there will not be many in the coming weeks. Just a feeling I have.

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Hypoglycemia

Most of the day yesterday I felt very on edge. I felt very close to breaking down into tears most of the day and that was curious to me. Yes I had a bad day the day before but it really didn’t signal “the end”, did it? Yet that seems to be how I was feeling/thinking most of the day yesterday. I literally felt that this was just the beginning and more was to come.

Hypoglycemia

Last night I woke up three times. Each time I had to use the bathroom, which is very irritating to me in itself. However, one time I awoke thinking the word “hypoglycemia”.

I had been dreaming about going into a very large bathroom. It had a very wide, open layout and the shower was one of those that was built into the room and open so that someone with a wheelchair could use it. I remember thinking about this while I was in the bathroom. I used the shower while fully clothed and then left. I remember that my clothes were still dry even though I had just showered.

Taking a shower indicates healing in a dream. Specifically spiritual and/or physical renewal. The fact that I had my clothes on indicates that change in my outward appearance does not change who I am on the inside. Being in a bathroom could be a direct reflection of me needing to use the restroom or it could be indicating a desire to cleanse myself emotionally and psychologically. Perhaps it is both.

I instantly put the two things together – the thought of hypoglycemia and the shower dream. I then had a memory of the search I had done on the internet about my frequent need to urinate during the night, my intense thirst throughout most of the day and some of my other issues. The top result was hypoglycemia.

Why was this in my mind upon waking?

When I was 28, I had a very scary experience while at work. I lost my vision, felt faint and had to sit down. Upon sitting, I could not see anything and it was really scary. The nurse was called and sent me some orange juice and peanut butter crackers. Within a minute of drinking the orange juice, my vision returned and after I ate all of the snack I felt normal.

I went to the doctor who could find nothing wrong with me and she told me I was hypoglycemic. She instructed me to eat every 2-3 hours and told me what to eat. I did this and did not have an issue again until I was pregnant.

I had previous experiences like that all the way back to my early 20’s. One time i checked my blood glucose levels with a coworkers device. My blood sugar was 72. This is very low but I felt fine. One is considered hypoglycemic when their blood sugar levels drop below 70. Here are symptoms of hypoglycemia:

  • blurry vision
  • rapid heartbeat
  • sudden mood changes
  • sudden nervousness
  • unexplained fatigue
  • pale skin
  • headache
  • hunger
  • shaking
  • sweating
  • difficulty sleeping
  • skin tingling
  • trouble thinking clearly or concentrating
  • loss of consciousness

When I have had episodes of low blood sugar I experienced: blurry vision, rapid heartbeat, mood changes (horrible ones!), nervousness, fatigue, headache (always), hunger (sometimes), shaking (horrible), skin tingling, trouble thinking clearly. I almost had the loss of consciousness that one time. That meant my blood sugar had gotten very low. Scary!

cosmicshowerDiabetes

I was told at the time that I did not have diabetes, just low blood sugar caused by my intense exercise routine and not eating enough. When I adjusted my diet, I had no more issues. If I ever did feel the symptoms come on, which for me are irritability, hunger, and headache, then I eat and they went away.

But now I am experiencing increased thirst and hunger throughout the day even though I have decreased my exercise and intensity of exercise substantially. I still eat five or six times a day, but I am finding that within an hour of eating breakfast I am hungry again! Add to that the skin issues I have been having, the sexual disinterest (dysfunction), irritability, fatigue, blurry vision or vision changes, tingling in my hands/feet, and it sure seems very likely that I have or am developing diabetes. For a full list of symptoms, click here.

I also have a family history of type 2 diabetes. My grandfather was diagnosed with diabetes in his 70s. He had a sister who lost a foot from diabetes. All of his six brothers and sisters got diagnosed with it later in life. My mom is hypoglycemic and getting worse (though she would deny it).

Putting Two and Two Together

Once I was up and thinking about all of this information it did not take me long to connect it with the other messages I have gotten. Not long ago I was told, “Listen to your body” and it is like that message has made me ultra sensitive to everything going on with my body. I actually started thinking I was becoming a hypochondriac! But the feeling only intensified after my dermatologist appointment.

I long ago asked myself what the cause of my death would be. I instantly knew it would be kidney failure. I put it on a “shelf” in my mind to save for later. I now cannot ignore the fact that the kidneys suffer from what diabetes does to the body. Nor can I ignore the fact  that in two of my three pregnancies my kidneys were the first area of my body to threaten to shut down from pre-eclampsia. I have also had protein in my urine since I was a small child. No known reason for it and the amount is always so slight that the doctors never worry about it.

Maybe I am over thinking all of this but I cannot ignore the feeling. So I will be looking for a doctor in the area and getting a complete physical to find out if there is really anything wrong with me.

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Bad Day

Yesterday I went to the dermatologist to try to figure out the source of my skin issues. She immediately diagnosed me with eczema. I don’t remember the specific type of eczema (she gave it a name) but she said it was a result of an allergy. She asked me if I had ever had allergies in the past. Based upon my answers, she urged me to get an allergy test done because allergies change over time. Then she gave me a prescription hydrocortisone cream for the eczema.

I also have folliculitis on the back of one of my legs. She said it was likely caused by me itching my overly dry skin. She gave me some antibacterial gel for that. I have had folliculitis before so bad that I had to take prednisone, so I was not surprised by this diagnosis.

Then I showed her the odd sore on my right leg that has been there since the first week in January. She immediately said, “That’s got to go”. She told me that it looked like a mole to her and that anything that grew that fast and had not gone away needed to be biopsied. So right then and there they numbed a spot on my leg and removed it. I was told I would know the result in about a week.

I had suspected she would biopsy it. When I first saw it (and I had to use a mirror to see it), it concerned me. My first thought was that it was some kind of cancer which I researched. It looked to me like basal cell carcinoma. When I asked her what she thought it was, she mentioned basal cell carcinoma and one other possibility that I had never heard of. When I asked her if I should be concerned, she said no and told me she had one on her face. She told me it just had to be removed and if it was cancer then I may have to come in and have more skin removed. That was it.

So I went from the dermatologist straight to get my prescription cream. It took an hour to fill because it was 4:30pm and I guess everyone goes to Walgreens to fill prescriptions at that time of day, or at least it seemed like the case! On a positive note, my high deductible, Obama Care crap insurance that costs too much cut the doctor visit and prescription cost in half. I guess Aetna isn’t so bad after all.

I called and told my husband what had happened. I had only just told him about my concerns and the doctor appointment this past weekend because I just didn’t feel like telling him. He wasn’t concerned then and still wasn’t when I told him about the biopsy. When I got home he hugged me and said, “Mema (his mom) wants to know if she can have your car when you die”. I said yes, fake-laughing about it. I really didn’t think it was funny.

Dread

Something about the biopsy and possible skin-cancer diagnosis caused me to feel dread, like more is coming. I keep thinking, “If I have cancer on my skin, what is to say I don’t have it somewhere in my body, also?” Thinking about that possibility bothers me but not so much. I decided long ago that if I get diagnosed with some kind of cancer in my body that I won’t seek treatment. I will let whatever happens, happen.

I went to bed really exhausted. I guess it was the day’s events or maybe I was just tired because I woke up at 5am that morning and could not go back to sleep. I was woken up about an hour after falling asleep. I remember being outside my body and resisting coming back to it despite the strong pull. My son had been wailing and that was the “pull” back. I was so groggy when I got up to soothe him. Then I struggled to return to sleep.

When I woke up I was filled with despair and disinterest in life. I recall only one other time when I felt this low and that was in 2005. I suspect my review of my journal from that time is what has triggered some of this despair. That and the bad day I had yesterday.

I had a strong urge to delete my FB account this morning along with a strong urge to ask my guides to stop talking to me during the day. I have done the latter in the past because it was just too depressing to be constantly reminded of the spiritual. I eventually asked them to stop communicating all other times, too, except when absolutely necessary. Then they came back and I am feeling the need to make the same decision again. I honestly would rather they had just stayed quiet than to give me hope of something good happening. Unfounded hope is worse than no hope at all.

Trend

When I went on FB today to check the groups I am a part of, I discovered that a close friend had deactivated her account. It had just been active yesterday and I thought it odd that I also had the same urge. I understand why she would deactivate her account. I probably should also.

But I keep seeing things posted that end up helping me. One such post I saw today I am going to share with you. It helps me feel a bit better about how I have been feeling. Maybe it will help you, too.

If I’m Waking Up, Why Don’t I Feel………Better?

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The Purpose of Astral

I continue to review my journal and have now finished reading the entire first binder. It is difficult to read what my thoughts were like during 2003-2005. I was really struggling! I am amazed that I made it through this time.

The Purpose of Astral

I do not write much about my experiences OOB in this part of my journal, but I write enough. My first projections were in 2004 but there is not much detail about the first ones. However, by the beginning of 2005 I begin to write more about my OBEs. Below you will find those entries. I did not yet know the terms Higher Self so I did not use this term. I added it in parentheses to help with understanding. I also referred to the Ego as “consciousness”.

April, 2005

As I fell asleep I was talking to someone and I could feel energy coming over me. I remember being told to let my consciousness go and to let go. I remember trying to let go and struggling with the notion of it. Then I must have let go! I remember feeling my body above my head vertically and then below. I remember liking the feeling and trying to get more of it, trying to control it. I tried to roll out of my bed and go on a journey but found it difficult and noticed my conscious mind becoming more aware. Again, I was reminded to control my consciousness and I must have because I heard the roaring in my ears and went deeper in astral. At that point I felt my body moving up and down again and then I felt it start to move fast, like real fast. I was thrilled because it was like being on a roller coaster! I couldn’t see though and remember saying, “I can’t see!” All I saw was my digital alarm clock showing the time of 8am and then the numbers started moving forward really fast to the point that I don’t know what time it was. Then I started moving in circles and spinning real fast round and round. It was so fun. I was elated.

I decided to throw my arms out to see if I could touch someone. I felt hands as I was trying to reach out but couldn’t grab hold of them. I kept reaching and finally grabbed hold of a hand. Then I started slowing down real fast and I was thrown into a man. I felt myself pushed into him and my head was right up next to his. I apologized to him and then realized I was hugging a man and I could feel his hairy chest! I knew he was dark haired and I was very happy to be with him. Right about the time I realized what was happening I heard a quiet, masculine voice say to me, “Quite a fine sense you have. The more and more…(I finished his sentence) you see, the more and more you will believe. Trust them to know what they see”. When I was about to ask his name I awoke in my bed still hearing his voice.

He had an accent like an old American or UK accent….He said he is my teacher, the one who has been teaching me about astral.

This astral teacher told me point blank that astral was being used to help me heal. He told me very sternly, “You know nothing about healing”. Ha! I didn’t laugh at the time, though.

A week later I continue to talk about my teacher and the purpose for astral:

I am learning in astral how to control my emotions/feelings and how to listen to them. I don’t hear or see my guides when I first go into astral. I sometimes go out and do things and other times I don’t. This last time I became conscious as astral happened and went with it. When I started wanting to do things I felt resistance. It was almost like a wall formed. When I stopped wanting to do my own thing and let things go as they were the resistance stopped. So I was learning about how to control my conscious mind (Ego) and to allow subconscious mind (Higher Self) to have control. The subconscious is not like the conscious at all – it cannot be controlled. It is led by something else, something we are not in control of. So I was actually able to see that difference. I think my teacher is here to help me differentiate between what my soul wants and what my conscious (Ego) wants. He’s teaching me how to get them in unison somehow, mainly by making conscious step back at certain times.

I am being reminded to balance the mundane and the spiritual. Balance is when we use consciousness only when we make mundane decisions. I am told to continue in the mundane but to remember to tune into my heart. He (my teacher) showed me my “center” and said to use it as I live life. He said the soul (Higher Self) will allow conscious to continue without resistance until the conscious is going the wrong way. Then there will be a “bell” that goes off or a “wall” hit. The soul is only there to help us remember our function and path.

thDifferentiation of Feeling and the Ego

I also talk about learning how to differentiate feelings and control my consciousness while OOB.

My guide was talking to me about feeling last night and I think he is trying to get me to understand that feeling is not what I think it is. I define it as emotion. But it is more like following a “compass”. I keep waiting for an emotion to trigger a decision and emotion triggering a decision can be way wrong. It is like words; communication. Like telepathy. In astral I understand the message “No, no, no” but I don’t hear it. I know it and can then see the “wall” ahead of me. The wall felt physical because in the spiritual (while OOB) you can go where you want but you sense change as vibration. So vibration changes and you feel the change in your soul…..My consciousness (Ego) is very strong. It has been given the right of way for 28 years. I have to slowly teach it to yield to my soul (Higher Self).

Merging

Finally, I mention, for the first time, the word “merging”:

It seems the reason I am bombarded by mundane right now is to help me use my soul in unison with my life. If you try using consciousness to make it (channeling) happen, consciousness stays in control. It (channeling) is like allowing soul (Higher Self) to come in on its own without [the] conscious feeling threatened. My guide is telling me to have patience, that we are working together to allow this assimilation. It is like merging is going on.

ReDo

I see now why I was asked to read my journal. A “bell” rang because somehow, some way, I went off course.

…the soul (Higher Self) will allow conscious to continue without resistance until the conscious is going the wrong way. Then there will be a “bell” that goes off or a “wall” hit.

I am again being asked to find balance; to control myself (Ego), and listen to my heart so that I may better hear what it is that I am suppose to be doing.

I now also understand why I have met with such resistance in my projections. I somehow forgot the valuable lesson I learned in 2005. The point is to listen to the Higher Self, or soul as I called it back then. To do this, one needs to keep the Ego in check. This practice while OOB transfers to life IN the body. What one is, so is the other.

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Crystal Necklace

I slept like a rock last night. I needed it after the night before and the strange, unsettling and jumpy energy I had. I took two walks yesterday just in case the energy needed a little settling. One with my kids and one by myself. It is amazing how a walk by myself can bring such relief. I had an instant emotional sigh come out of me and felt my shoulders relax. I walked for 25 minutes and wanted to do another lap.

Stray Cats and a Long Test

I had many vivid dreams last night but they are mostly lost to me now. I suppose that is to be expected since I was so dead tired. I only remember snippets of dreams, two specifically.

Stray Cats

In one dream I was walking along residential streets, similar to those around my home. I saw two cats ahead of me. One was black and white and the other was put white. I slowed down and called out to them, “Hey kitty, kitty”. The black and white cat seemed friendly but the white one was cautious. I was cautious also. I don’t like cats. The white kitty came up to my bare leg (guess I was wearing shorts), sniffed me and then rubbed up against me. I relaxed at this, knowing he was not feral. I didn’t lean down to pet him I just looked at both of them and said, “Sorry. I don’t have any food for you”. And I walked away from them. They followed for a short while meowing.

Long Test

This dream was longer. I was in a room with several other adult test takers. We were sitting along a long table and there were enough of us to fill both sides. There was some issues with getting started and some questions, but we started without much issue.

A tall, very obese woman went to the front to talk to the proctor. She was very upset and pacing. She spoke loud enough for us to hear. She was saying, “I can’t do this. The test is taking too long”. She went into hysterics at that point and so I got up and went over to her. I put my hand on her shoulder and she looked over at me. I said to her, “I will stay with you for as long as it takes. If you stop, I stop. We are in this together”. She let out a huge breath of air, hung her head as if to say she knew she had to take this test, and followed me back to the table.

After sitting down to take the test there was some mix up with pencils which sent me looking for one and looking over the shoulders of other test takers. Someone mentioned they were worried. I said, “I’m not worried about this test. I know I will pass it”. I sat back down with my pencil and looked at the test. There were science questions that involved math. I remember solving a problem about volume using a measuring cup full of water and seeing how much water was displaced by different objects.

Short OBE: Crystal Necklace

I was awoken by my husband running on the treadmill. I don’t know how early it was but it was still dark outside, so likely 5:30am. This irritated me as I could not go back to sleep. Somehow I ended up dozing and finding myself in semi-lucid dreams.

The dream I had was of me talking on the phone with an old classmate. The connection was messed up and she appeared to be talking in her sleep. When I checked the phone I saw a video of a very messy kitchen. I recognized the house and an entire dream I had of being in the house flooded my memory. In that past dream the house was very clean and I had been doing dishes. Now it was cluttered with all sorts of objects and I remembered that this had happened when we moved.

I then began to walk up stairs, the steps felt very solid and real. This woke me up. I felt subtle vibrations and knew I was at the point where I could exit my body. My heart was also pounding and I remembered to ignore it. A decided to try to dream and when I did this the vibrations intensified and I felt a pull and heaviness come over me. I knew I could exit so I thought, “Why not?” and rolled backward. When I did this, I felt myself exit my body and the exit felt sticky, as if I were stuck to my body. I pulled away and the last heavy tendrils of energy fell off of me like clothing.

The first thing I saw was a radio at the foot of the bed. It was playing music and I smiled and began to walk/dance away from it towards the bedroom door. The room was not completely dark but it was hazy. My energy was high and I felt good. I noticed something very heavy hanging around my neck. I grabbed it, knowing it was a necklace, and pulled it over my head. Though I did not see it, I felt the chain and the heavy object attached to it. It was a large, oblong, clear crystal. I swung it in circles as I walked through the door.

When I went through the door I noticed I was struggling to breathe. It was like I was taking huge gulps of air. I knew it was my physical body that was doing this and was at first very alarmed, but then I knew not to worry. Unfortunately, I did worry about my physical body coming to harm. I stopped the thought as fast as I could, but it was too late. Within seconds I was back in my body.

In hindsight I wonder about the crystal necklace I took off while OOB. It was only after I took it off that I struggled to breathe. I am not experiencing any physical illness right now  – no cold, sinus congestion, etc. So, it does not make sense to me that I would struggle to breathe. The only thing that seems to make sense is that the crystal was there to protect me and I took it off. I wonder if this is linked to what my guide told me about OBEs? He told me, “You will leave”. It makes me wonder if perhaps going OOB caused issues to arise in my physical body?

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Revelations from my Past

In the summer of 2003 I began writing a journal of my experiences. I did this at the urging of my guides in order to chronicle my spiritual awakening. The journal covers the time frame from 2003-2007. I printed it out and put it into two, three inch binders and have not thought of it much since then. Yet yesterday I thought I should get it out and read. So that is what I did.

I am currently in the Spring of 2004 and have already discovered that I forgot well more than I thought I had!

Kundalini

I have long suspected that what I experienced in from 2003-2007 was kundalini but I wasn’t completely sure of this. I didn’t remember enough of the energy sensations or other symptoms. I am now certain it was kundalini, kundalini that was triggered spontaneously through meditation.

My first experiences with kundalini were generally ignored or passed off as unknown physical issues, panic attacks, mental problems (depression) or something else. I often experienced intense surges of energy that would come into me all at once and then move out. I assumed this energy was that of my guide and thought no more of it. I had chakras turning on and off all the time. I thought it normal – just a part of a spiritual awakening. I oftentimes would become so full of odd energy that I would become thoroughly nervous and anxious and have to escape somewhere to get away. I listened to the people who I associated with, assuming I just needed to “ground and protect” because the energy was either Spirit energy or the sometimes negative and overwhelmingly intense emotions of the people who I came into contact with.

I found an entry I wrote of conversation I had in May 2003 where I was told, point blank, by a person I knew in a chat room, that I was “preparing to ascend”. That was not the first I heard of ascension, either, but for some reason I just didn’t consider it important I guess because I never focus upon it in my journal. So I answered my own question about whether ascension was even known about in 2003. It obviously was, except to me who was oblivious.

Finally, I talk quite a bit about having an overwhelming sexual energy that I cannot avoid that followed me through the rest of the 2003. Not only was I having spontaneous orgasms during sleep, meditation and OBEs but I was also in two very intense relationships, one of which was so difficult to disconnect from that I grieved it for many, many months afterward.

This is what I have found just so far. I suspect I will discover much more as I get further into my journals.

planetsExtraterrestrial Contact

This is where it gets really bizarre, especially for me who shies away from anything E.T.

On September 28, 2003, I wrote down a long conversation I had with my guide. Her name was Leslie and this conversation was prior to my meeting Steven:

When I first began speaking with Leslie, I had many questions about evolution. Who are we? Are we descendants of chimps and apes? Or are we transplanted extraterrestrials left to colonize Earth?……

First of all, we are genetically altered versions of Andromedans and Earth primates. The planet Earth was first used as a source of minerals and other natural resources, a mining planet used for its richness in many minerals and substances depleted on the planet of our origin…..The first people of Earth were not human. They were of an ancestry millions of years old and from many light years away. These beings were very spiritual, are very spiritual, and had an extremely advanced culture of their own on other planets…..When the population of Earth was created, Earth had been through the Jurassic and other evolutionary processes which resulted in the rise of mammals…..The Andromedans saw the potential for Earth as a new colony….Earth gave them the opportunity to refine the species more because the primate, the most sophisticated human-like animal, was a social and emotional creature. These social and emotional qualities were what Andromedans view as a special aspect, a part their own species that had been lost over thousands of years of evolution.

The entry takes two pages, single spaced, so I won’t type the whole thing here. It goes on to say that it took the Andromedans a long time to perfect their genetic modification – lots of trial and error. They ended up only manipulating a few genes and created Homosapien but he was lacking culture, social structure, and norms and values, which took generations of evolution without interference. So they deposited them in pockets around the Earth and left them to “evolve” without interference. The longer humans were left untouched, unguided, the harder it became to interfere in their evolutionary development.

I go on to say:

Now, we humans are in a state of change. Our biology is changing. Evolution is bringing us back to that spiritual center we once had. Our emotions are causing us to feel stagnant. Human biological needs are met through industrialize society. There is no longer the urge to survive as in the past. So, the time has come to awaken the spiritual side. The genes inserted by the Andromedans are now becoming activated. More and more people are experiencing psychic phenomenon. Soon, the Andromedans will visit Earth again to take note of our progression. When they do see we are approaching an age of spiritual enlightenment and telepathic communication, they will make themselves known to us once again. At first there will be more sightings of unusual aircraft and electromagnetic interference. Later, they will actually make contact and reestablish the ties we once had.

Their ultimate goal, and one we should not fear, is to rejoin the human population in order to add the component of emotion into their species. We are what they hope to become. Once we reach that period of spiritual enlightenment and telepathic thought, they will return to complete that goal.

Now, if you are like me, you are likely reading this with disbelief and then thinking, “This is complete B.S.”. Maybe so. I cannot prove any of it, but at the time this information flowed out of me with such ease and clarity that I had no doubt there was truth to it. This was also before I had ever heard of any of the E.T. information on the web. I actually still know very little because every time I try to research it I feel repelled by it. It is also interesting to me that Atlantis was a colony established by the Andromedans.

Pleiades

Fast forward to May, 2004. I have since met Steven and for a time another guide named Amoradon. He tells me he is from the Pleiades and provides me with quite a bit of information which I find fascinating.

Here are some of the things he tells me:

I was discussing spirit guides with Amoradon. He told me that the council is a group of spirit guides who assist Earth Travelers (Steven has always called me an Earth Traveler and his term for a guide is Companion Traveler – I now find this interesting as well).

Me: Does everyone who travels Earth have a council?

Amoradon: No. Only those specified in the Great Plan are allowed to counsel with the council.

Me: What is the Great Plan?

Amoradon: It’s God’s plan for humanity.

Me: Is there only one plan?

Amoradon: Yes.

Me: Are the members of the Council also Earth Travelers?

Amoradon: No. They are those to which we go to seek knowledge here at Home – Pleiadia. They have lived many lives and have had many life lessons learned. To pass on their knowledge is considered a great privilege.

The conversation goes on but doesn’t make much sense to me. He mentions the Council of Pleadia and the Elders and going “beyond God”. He defines “beyond God” as “the planes of existence which surround God. It ‘exists”‘ where God is NOT. We are God, ‘existence’ is the womb of God. God grows, expands, and gives birth to new Gods (us). We are of God and of all other Gods”.

Not long after this conversation, I am taken while OOB to a place that is beyond beautiful and am told it is the Pleiades. I have various visions of my guide wearing an interesting mesh outfit. I get such clarity in my visions that I even draw them in a notebook.

Eventually I become overwhelmed by all of this and ask to not be shown or told anymore about the Pleiades or Andromeda.

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Trapped Energy

I couldn’t sleep last night. My mind was quite active and my body was as well. I could not keep still!

Somehow I managed to drift off to sleep and had an odd, semi-lucid dream about energy work. I awoke from this dream feeling very off and fidgety. It is hard to describe really what I was feeling as I have not ever really felt it before. Yet, I somehow knew what was wrong without knowing how I knew.

Trapped Energy

When I woke up from the semi-lucid dream state I was in, I was overly warm. I won’t say hot but I felt an intensity of energy that was pulsating in different areas on my body. This weird sensation seemed to generate a heat from within that made me very uncomfortable. The heat was not so much physical as it was spiritual, but I did feel warmer than normal.

The odd sensation made me feel the need to move and squirm. I guess I thought it would help but it didn’t. The more I moved, the more uncomfortable I got.

I was suddenly hit with the idea that I needed to focus on the energy and see where it was in my body. When I did this, I felt energy in spots all over my body. I felt it mostly in my lower body and abdomen. What is odd is that the energy would be in a certain spot and then jump to another spot. It was like I had polka dots of energy all over my body and they were lighting up and then going out only to transfer to another spot.

Recognizing that I needed to do something with this strange, haphazard energy, I got up out of bed and sat in a chair. I planted my feet firmly on the ground and focused on sending energy from my crown down into my feet. I did this for quite some time, visualizing a flow of energy down my spine and into the ground. As I did this, the fidgety feeling got less and less. After about five minutes, my eyes began to droop and I felt very relaxed. It had worked!

When I got back into bed I felt the energy was still not settled like it should be. I asked for assistance and felt the need to do Reiki on myself. I placed my hands on my midsection, where most of the energy still lingered, and focused on pulling energy out with one hand and pushing on the energy with the other. I eventually felt I should place one hand, my right one, palm up. When I did this, I felt the energy subside even more.

As this was happening, I felt energy settle over the top of my head around my third eye and up to my crown. I felt like I was wearing an energy helmet. I knew this meant I was receiving healing from my guides. Thank you!

Then the energy in my midsection intensified over my root and second chakras. It was a bit painful in my lower back. I just continued to focus on moving the energy out.

I felt all at once that I needed to focus on bringing energy in from my crown, so I moved my hands to my head. I did this for a little while and then felt I needed to use my hands to push the energy down. So I went over my entire body with my hands in a sweeping motion, pushing the energy down past my knees. I did this about six times.

Finally, I felt the need to move the energy out from both sides of my body. So I started in the center and with the same sweeping motion moved the energy to the side and then down. I did this about three times.

Feeling balanced and calm, I was able to easily fall asleep. I now understand why some people who experience this weird energy feeling find they need to sleep on the floor. I wonder if what I felt was what some people call “vibrations”? I could feel a buzzing within the dots of energy but it was not like the vibrations I get when about to go OOB.

Symptom Update

  • Ringing in ears
  • Popping in ears
  • Skin irritation/dryness
  • Vivid dreams
  • Energy fluctuations
  • Trapped energy
  • Restlessness
  • Moodiness

I have either a ringing or popping in my ears daily now. It is like I am changing altitude when I get the popping and the ringing is very slight, almost unnoticeable. The restlessness has been more intense. Yesterday I went on three walks and I have been feeling more inclined to exercise, feeling it is needed now more than ever. After last night’s weird energy issue, I can see why I was drawn to be outside so much that day.

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Sewer Cat

Yesterday was a weird day. I say that because I had such an odd feeling most of the day. I felt unmotivated and restless. I was moody and negative as a result. My mind kept focusing on two things: my physical health and my happiness.

Skin Issues and Concerns

My dry skin issues continue. Thankfully my face has dramatically changed from bad to good. I was experiencing tiny bumps, redness and dryness all over my face. Prior to that (this is going back to August last year) I had chin acne that looked more like lesions that I needed antibiotics to clear up. Now my face feels baby soft, is clear and radiant and if I do get any acne it clears up overnight and without redness or irritation. So that is the good news.

The bad news is that I am getting more itchy patches of skin. This started about six weeks ago with a patch of eczema on my arm. That went away. Around the same time I saw a strange looking spot on my right leg that looked like it was healing. I had no idea when it happened so I kept an eye on it. Since then, the sore has not healed and now looks like a pink mole. Additionally, the itchy patches have spread to both of my legs and one elbow and forearm. Though they are bothersome, especially after a shower or at night when I am trying to sleep, they are not getting larger or causing that much trouble. I use to get rashes on my legs in the past and always had to take get steroids to get rid of them. I was told it was an allergic reaction to something but the cause was never identified and since it didn’t happen much I just let it go. I suspect I will have to get steroids again to rid myself of this irritation.

The pinkish bump is what is bothering me the most. I have an appointment with my dermatologist in three days and I suspect she will want to biopsy it. Yuck. Of course I think the worst case scenario – that it is some kind of cancer – and have been scouring the internet to figure out what it is. It looks mostly like psoriasis or basal cell carcinoma. Neither is a concern to me but more of an inconvenience and a bother. I really don’t want to have to have to deal with either.

Happiness

It has been a long time since I have felt truly happy and it has not gone unnoticed. I have tried to keep myself busy so as to not think about it too much but it is pointless to try to run from the truth as it will eventually catch up to you.

I won’t go into the details about what exactly it is that is causing me to feel this way in part because I am not exactly sure what the source is. I will say that it is not the first time in this life that I have felt this way and I suspect that it originates not only from experiences in this life, but in past lives as well.

I was shown in a vision this morning two dimly lit rooms attached to the side of my house. When I saw them I said to my guide, “We don’t go in those rooms”. He said, “You should”. I recognized the symbolism and mentally went into the rooms, noting that the floors were drab and dingy and needed to be replaced. I thought about renovating them and felt up to it, but nothing happened and the vision vanished. I recognized the message, though.

I have read online that the ascension process leads to all kinds of life changes. People sell their houses (check), relocate (check), leave their jobs (check), experience death and loss (check), leave relationships, and often do things that others consider out of character. This is purposeful in that it is part of the healing process as people begin to recognize those things in their life which are not true to them.

If I reflect on my life in the past year, I experience most of the above changes. I left my negative job in February, 2014 only to again change jobs in August, 2014. In this juggling of jobs, I moved from full-time to part-time and it has relieved my job-related stress. I also had my third child in March 2014 and took six weeks of maternity leave. While on maternity leave, my husband and I decided to sell our house and relocate. Then my grandmother died in May 2014. That same day, my house sold after two days on the market. The rest of the summer was spent preparing for moving by finding a new house. At the last minute we found a house. The numerology number of this house’s address is an 11. The two streets leading to the house are named, “Glorious” and then “Ascent”. So imagine driving home every day and reading “Glorious Ascent” on the way to your new home. 🙂

Despite these changes and the relief that came with them, I am still feeling a change needs to be made. My home life is less than ideal; my relationship with my husband strained and becoming more so. I continue to pull away from him and I honestly don’t know why.

Sewer Cat

I went to bed with both of the above issues on my mind. It is no surprise that I had a night of vivid dreams.

The one dream I recall the most involved me coming home to a house that was not mine. I felt very out of place in the dream but it did not “wake” me up within it. There was a little girl there who I recognized but could not remember. We talked and then she opened the front door and let in a scruffy, white cat. She was excited, saying the cat had gotten lost and she was so happy he was home. She mentioned how some people had been abducting cats for profit and she had worried he was one of them. I remember thinking that I hate cats.

Then she said something about hearing a noise. I listened closely and sure enough there was a noise coming from the bathroom. It sounded like a meow, very faint.

The girl ran into the bathroom and came out holding a wet, white cat. It was covered in grime and looked like an old rag. She said, “He must have gotten stuck in the sewer. I pulled him out of the toilet”. I thought that I would rather stay away from the cat. The girl was happy as this cat had been lost as well.

I remember at this time meeting with the girl’s father. For some reason I was staying with them at their house and I slept in the same bed as this man. It was completely harmless as we were both married, but there was an odd energy between us, an energy that pulled us together like a magnet. I was very aware of this energy and trying to avoid it as was he.

As I lay in bed next to him trying to sleep, he moved closer and grabbed my hand. He held it and the magnetism was indeed very strong. There was a distinct sadness to it along with a strong bond that I cannot describe. I snuggled in closer to him and laid my head on his shoulder. The energy was so strong that I began to struggle to breathe because I was holding my breath and pushing the feeling down.

The man turned toward me all at once and kissed me passionately. I felt as if my midsection would explode and the energy was so intense that it woke me up. I lay there wishing myself back into the dream and hearing my guide say, “Its okay”.

The energy was again stuck in my second chakra but it was not painful. It was exploding outward and I urged it upward. It did move up into my third chakra and then somewhat into my heart chakra but then it stopped. I felt the energy needed somewhere to go but I couldn’t get it to go anywhere. So it just stayed, built up within me.

I eventually laid on my side, hoping it would stop, but it didn’t. I finally pushed it down through my feet and it let up. I was able to go back to sleep after that.

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Information Transfer

I almost forgot something very important that happened this morning.

Information Transfer

A little bit of background first. Last night, prior to going to sleep, I began to wonder about what was to come next. I again asked to be shown and given more detail about what exactly I am suppose to be doing right now. I also asked for healing because my collar bone on the right has been catching and becoming quite painful. My guide responded to the first question by telling me, “There is more information, information you have yet to process”. I did not question this as it appeared so obvious. Then he said to the latter request, “Done”.

At some point, during an in-between state that I often find myself in, I became aware that I was doing something odd. I don’t recall exactly when this was during the night but I recall it quite vividly. I will try to describe it the best I can.

I became aware of reaching up above my head into “space” and pulling down energy. I could see my glowing yellow astral hands and astral arms reaching up, grabbing the energy and pulling it down. I then placed this energy inside my energy body, specifically at my crown. I don’t recall there being specific information in this process, only that the energy had density and light and color. The color of this energy was dark, almost black but it was surrounded by light and when it came into my energy body it was absorbed quickly and the dense darkness evaporated.

I completed one cycle of taking energy and integrating it into my own and then went on to another. It was like I was taking bites of food, putting them into my mouth and slowly chewing on them. Bite after bite after bite. I don’t know how many times I did it but eventually my consciousness became too much and I “woke up” suddenly within an energy transfer, astral eyes wide and mind wondering what was going on.

In awe, I looked above at the space where I was getting these dense, dark energy balls. It appeared to be four or five feet directly above my head. I sensed a presence above me as well. It was also dark and hard to make out. I could tell it had human features and was much taller than a human.

My first thought was that I was in communication with something not of this universe. I immediately shut down that thought because it seemed ridiculous. Plus, I didn’t want to fall victim to the extraterrestrial hype that is plastered all over the internet.

But what was it? And what was I doing?

The only explanation I have come up with relates back to what my guide told me prior to sleep:  “There is more information, information you have yet to process”. I suspect that this exchange was more than just energy, it was information. I was slowly taking it in and integrating it. I wish, though, that I remembered more. I guess I will add it to my list of unknowns.