Monthly Archives: May 2015

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The Dr. Returns

Last night was an eventful night. No, I didn’t project nor was I even lucid, but I had a sequence of dreams, all connected, that culminated in one nearly lucid dream in which I again met up with the Dr. (from previous blog posts).

Military

The first dream in the sequence was focused around the return of a military mission. I was inside a dorm room and waiting for a man to return. He was not my husband but someone I knew. I recall helping organize some things – photographs, keepsakes, etc – while waiting.

Infected

The dream then shifts from a military feeling to a medical facility feeling. I was of two Me’s – the me observing the dream and the me as a character in the dream. My character persona was wearing an all white hospital gown and there was a long conversation going on between the observer me and another individual, a woman.

The character me is standing in the middle of a bright white room as we are talking. This is when it got weird. A tiny, illuminated, blue square of energy shot out of nowhere and made contact with the dream character me. This blue cube was three-dimensional and about one inch all around.

Once the cube inserted itself inside the character me, the observer me knew this meant a physical change would occur. She (I) recognized the change to mean that having children was no longer possible and there would be a gradual deterioration of health.

Phil

There is a long period of blurred images and experiences during this time. I am aware of making the decision to be with a man much younger than me. My awareness is very, very diminished but I somehow know that we had sexual relations and am filled with a happiness and peace that is hard to describe. I remember laying next to him in a void. I say void because it seems so dark and devoid of features other than a long, wooden or metal “bed” which we are laying on.

When my awareness comes back to me, me and this man who I know as “Phil”, are discussing a third member of our group. She is the me from the previous dream, the one who was “infected”. I know she cannot be with us because she is struggling to manage her illness. I see within my mind a screen showing her vital statistics. The statistics are shown as a green line that is in an arc heading higher and higher. However, when she becomes infected the arc, a greenish color, begins to descend and turn red. I see this “memory” of the doctors explaining what she needs to do. She must take this medicine to manage her condition as it will slowly affect her, causing her physical condition to deteriorate more and more.

Then I am talking to this “other” me, who seems very child-like, even though she is fully grown. She is very frail and thin, her skin pale and almost translucent. I find her on the floor in a white hospital-like setting, with an IV in her arm. She is unresponsive and I say to her, “Why did you do that?” and in my mind I know she has overdosed on the drug she is suppose to take to help her illness. I shake her and am worried. I have a communication with her that is without words. In it, there is a vision of her showing me three drawings she has done. They are familiar to me and are childrhuman-dnaen’s drawings. I see my initials on the top of the paper and point them out to her, congratulating her on her ability to draw and write her name.

Phil, who had been with me, is now gone but I can talk to him in my mind. The dream becomes muddled here as I gain awareness. I recognize my deep connection to this man and know he is 29 years old. At the same time i recognize this number to be significant as it adds up to 11. I am so happy to be with him but know that our communication is limited to only times he initiates. I trust him, though, and know that no communication does not indicate no connection.

I attempt several time to write an email to Phil about the ailing me. I type his email – Philateree@gmail.com.  The first time I try to send I type the address wrong and it does not go through. The second time I type it, I wake up.

The Dr. Returns

I awake to such an overwhelming calm and peace. The dream sequence is still vivid and I try to make sense of it. Am I sick? Does the dream character me indicate that I am physically ill?

My mind is filled with questions and I struggle to find the connection with my Higher Self. Why can’t I connect?

That is when I sense my guide and recognize he is the same man as in my dream. I instantly think, “Phil”. I then remember the dream I had a while back about “Dr. Who” and realize that he is the Dr from that and other dreams. He sends confirmation.

Much knowingness floods into my mind and I recognize that for some reason I have been afraid of whatever healing is about to be initiated. My dreams represent this fear. The military connection has to do with emotional repression. The illness represents a need to be healed. The IV represents healing and that an important message has been missed.

The tiny blue cube was a mystery, though. What did it symbolize?

I heard a response – “Genome”.

This response confuses me. “What genome?” and I think, “The human genome”.

I had to get up and get ready for work so I had to stop communication there. I am still trying to figure out what all these dreams signify and I am at a loss. I know I felt good this morning, so that is a positive. I suspect that my Ego is overreacting, so I distrust myself to decipher what it all means. All I know is that the last time I met with the Dr he initiated an intense healing of my heart.

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Dream: Temptation

Sometimes I have very emotional dreams. This morning I awoke to one such dream.

Temptation

Most of the details of the beginning of the dream are lost to me now, but I recall the most important details.

The dream consisted of me meeting this good looking, Hispanic man. He appeared younger than me and reminded me of someone but I cannot figure out who. We were in a house that I was not familiar with and he and I had just met. When I saw him I was hit with such a familiar pang of recognition in my heart that it took my breath away. I do not know if he had this same connection, but I think he did based upon the way the dream went.

I avoided him for some time, speaking to him briefly and engaging in only casual conversation. I made sure to keep my distance because being near him caused an overwhelming amount of desire and I was certain he would notice. Perhaps he did because he kept coming closer to me and would not allow me to go far.

Throughout this I was overcome with feelings of foreboding, continually thinking of how I was married, had children and would not do anything to cause them potential suffering. I felt as if I had been ripped in two every time I saw this young man who would not go away and who I did not really want to go away. It was an agonizing feeling!

Finally, I gave in and stopped dodging him. Just looking at him was painful and also amazingly wonderful. I don’t remember what he was saying to me but I ended up allowing him to kiss me. This was, of course, probably not a good idea as the kiss caused me to understand the intensely deep connection that existed between us.

I broke away from the kiss and began talking one hundred miles an hour about my husband and family and how I could not, would not, do anything that would put them at risk. I remember wishing I were single so badly that it hurt. My insides were in all kinds of knots with energy welling out of my first, second and third chakras.

Message from Azekiel

I awoke still feeling the agonizing split between what I wanted and what I felt was “right”. I could not figure out why I was once again having this type of dream! Then I remembered the brief OBE I had where I was allowed to witness an agreement being made between my Higher Self and some others. I remember that there was a man involved and that he was married. I also knew the agreement was that he and I would meet. I remember I felt sorry for him.

Needless to say, I was not pleased with this memory and the sudden realization that I was preparing for a meeting. Dread is all I felt. All I could think was, “Why?”

My guide was very close and he said very simply, “You are sad”.

twin-flame-swirlI didn’t feel this was true, but then maybe it was? Maybe I am hiding from a part of myself, some part deeply connected to a past where I was unfaithful? I do recall a life that fits that description.

In that, I remembered too much, I think, because I did find the sadness and two tears slowly rolled down my cheeks. I asked for healing, hoping to avoid any meeting like in my dream.

My guide said, “The healing needs to come via the physical”.

Just my luck!

I asked, “Who are you? What is your name?”

He replied, “Azekiel”.

I knew he was trying to prepare me, to help me with some big hurdle that is holding me back. I am not exactly sure what it is or why the healing needs to come via the physical. I suspect the person I am meeting has a similar need. Perhaps he and I are cancelling a karmic debt?

Near OBE

I fell back to sleep, asking to project. I was on my stomach and almost instantly found myself in the in-between but I was not becoming conscious like is normal.

I suddenly felt to be laying in my mother’s bed and all I could think about was the man from my previous dream and how desperately I wanted to be with him. The agony was very real and I just wanted to stay asleep and not have to confront the situation.

I felt someone shake me and say, “You need to get up now”. I ignored it and pushed against the hand saying, “I want to sleep”. The shaking happened again and I groaned. I heard other noises, the noises of a busy house – children’s voices, pitter patter of tiny feet, talking, etc. I specifically heard my sister’s voice. I do remember thinking that all I needed to do was roll out of my body, but I literally felt too tired to bother.

I woke up feeling so much better but I don’t know why. Perhaps I am just accepting that this needs to be done. Sigh.

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Breakthrough and Practice Makes Perfect

Yesterday I had a phenomenal thing happen while in session. I recalled a moment from my past. This would be a time when not in the body. I have had this recollection many times, but only this time did it have an impact upon me.

Breakthrough

The memory is of being in pitch blackness. I can perceive the space around me and it feels as if I am floating in outer space, but I do not see stars or planets. When I try to move, I am blocked by an invisible wall that seems to go forever. This wall, when explored, forms a cube that completely traps me inside. I can see through it but cannot move from the small space.

In the past when I have encountered this memory I had no feeling except that I was stuck. I didn’t panic or worry about it. It just was.

This time, when I found myself within the space I instantly recognized that the way out was simple. I existed beyond the walls of my confinement. Reality was there was no confinement except that which I perceived to be there.

The moment I realized this, the barriers seemed to explode outward and away from me. I was hit with both a rush inward and a rush outward of immense amounts of energy. The energy was rushing into and out of the front part of my body from my heart to my pelvic area.

When it was done, I realized I had broken through a self-imposed limitation. I still do not know when this memory occurred. I just know I was not in a body.

bio-breakthrough1Dream: Guiding Another

I had an interesting dream last night that had me recognizing a theme that has been on-going for some time. I seem to be guiding others in my dreams.

In this particular dream, I was inside a house that me and my family occupied. I was remodeling it and putting in quite a bit of time. There were these air conditioning units attached to walls and cabinets in each room. The units were no longer functional and I was taking them out.

I remember talking with someone. They were asking me questions about my plans.  They asked me, “Why do you spend so much time on this house when you know you will not live here much longer?”. I replied, “Well, we will be here at least four more years, until I graduate. I figure I might as well make it the place I want”.

I went back to the kitchen where I had just taken out a unit and realized I needed to get new a new counter top. I was talking to my mom (though not my mom in real life) about what kind of counter top to get. For some reason it shifted to a bed and comforter and my mom shifted to my sister.

My sister here was obese, young and very plain looking. She was in college but struggling. She was also struggling with being happy and with life in general. I found myself guiding her and giving her advice about how to get the life she wanted. I told her, “You cannot have the change you want if you continue to do the same things you always have”. I helped her change from being at home all the time and eating to going to the library to study. I remember telling her about how her diet was rotting her teeth, too. We even went to the library together and I helped her to look up a book on microeconomics. I asked if her class was in economics and she said, “No, government”.

I assisted her with an essay she had to do. She seemed to know nothing about how to do research. The librarian wasn’t there and so she just wanted to just quit. I spent a lot of time instructing her on how to take the initiative. She just didn’t know how to do things on her own. No wonder she was failing!

Practice Makes Perfect

Upon waking I wondered if I was to take from this dream that I needed to change my own routines. The thought, however, that I was actually working with this girl to help her kept coming back to me. I have seen her before in my dreams……

That is when I remembered something I was told upon falling asleep. One of my guides had said to me, “There are others. You are not alone”. I replied, “I know, you’ve told me that from the beginning”. I then got a memory of a group and a feeling that I was to meet with them. I didn’t understand so I just went to sleep without asking for clarification.

Now that I think about it, I suspect this girl is part of my “group”. I remember her from other dreams, dreams in which we are always in a “classroom” or “teacher-student” scenario. Sometimes we are in an actual school, other times a warehouse and still other times in just normal places, such as with this dream.

Perhaps I am practicing my skills as a guide and doing so in my sleep? This rings true to me.

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The Light of Sirius – Communication from the High Council

Upon waking this morning, I immediately received communication from my Council. This is what they said:

“We are pleased of your arrival. We have been waiting for you”.

There then came into my mind the vision of what appeared to be a distant star.

“There will come from a star an irradiating light. You will experience this light”.

I then felt a pulsing energy hit me gently. It felt to come from above me and to my left. I felt it intensely from my shoulders all the way to my crown. When it impacted with my energy, there was a slight tingling within my mind and a spreading out of it within my energy field. It was not uncomfortable but it was a new, odd sensation for me.

I wondered what star this light would be coming from.

The answer was instantaneous: “Sirius”.

“We will need your help”.

I instantly agreed, though I was not sure what I was agreeing to.

I lingered in bed for a while, wondering why these communications so often come upon my waking. I kept feeling I should focus upon my heart but my habit is to focus on my third-eye. Either way, the communication seemed not to end but to expand, filling me with a feeling of obligation, or maybe “desire to help” is more appropriate here.

I am not completely sure what I am being asked to help with, but it feels to me that these pulses are a beacon of combined intention sent forth from this far away star, or planet or whatever Sirius is. This emission of intent – of love, homecoming, acceptance – has been irradiating for hundreds, maybe thousands of years. It is familiar to me, yet I am not sure why or how.

This light, or rather communication, seems to be about to impact me, and others. I am not certain yet what the result of this communication will be. A part of me wants to push against this whole communication, resistant to the “alien” distinction that so inevitably arises from these kinds of communication. Yet I feel pulled to listen and to quiet the dissension from within. There is a Knowingness that pervades my Being. All I can do is trust it.

As I write this I am filled with more Knowingness that this light signals the beginning of a further transformation for hundreds of individuals across the world. I feel a deep respect for the creators of this message, this beacon or signal from beyond. I feel they are great teachers and that they have been waiting to ameliorate the human syndrome from me.

I am at this moment experiencing an odd energy from my left. It makes my stomach flip-flop and the side of my head, neck, shoulders and my entire left arm tingle. I am in awe.

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Dreams: Deforestation and the Number Three

There was another shift in energy yesterday, at least I sensed it. I awoke in another sour mood but was able to shift out of it without issue and the day went about as normal but with low energy. However, the night revealed the shift was an actuality.

I awoke in the middle of the night from a dream I do not, could not, completely remember. The only thing I remember was that I had been in a completely white room and there were images floating around me. I felt completely peaceful when I awoke. It was like a weight had been lifted. I smiled and thanked my guides and fell back into a blissful sleep.

Deforestation

I found myself within a dream but not lucid. The dream was very vivid but that was it. I was inside a home with other women who were all mothers. We were eating a meal I had made and discussing our children. I can still taste the meal! I remember telling them about my most recent pregnancy and how easy it was even though I had was of “advanced maternal age”.

There was a point where I was organizing a shelf and someone had broken a figurine. I went to repair it and the bottom of the shelf became sand and I had dug a hole. I then began to uproot grass that was invading the area.

The dream shifted and I was suddenly aboard what appeared to be an amusement park ride but the car I was in was floating in mid-air all by itself. It was a bench seat and I was on the end holding on for dear life. The other women were with me and I was holding onto one’s hand.

The car moved like a helicopter (if you have ever been in one they can make your stomach flip flop) over the top of craggy mountain peaks. I looked below me and saw that the mountains were very rocky and almost completely devoid of trees. They looked barren although still majestic.

Then we flew into another area and I noticed vast expanses of green begin to appear. We flew closer and I saw that it was millions of tiny saplings growing in different stages. I was in awe and somehow knew that I was being show the devastation caused by deforestation and the hope that it could be reversed.

As we continued to fly (I felt like I was in a Harry Potter movie!) the trees began to grow taller and taller and the scene began to get more and more beautiful. I began to cry happy tears. We approached an old school building that appeared to be from some other time. It had ornate decorations and when I saw it I got very excited, as if I knew where we were going.

I saw the trees turn ancient at this time as well, their gray and twisted bark and green foliage very distinct. The car slowed and we entered the building.

Suddenly I was walking along an amusement park sidewalk and to my right was a large, shallow pool with bumper cars in it. All was quiet and no one was around.

I moved closer and saw the mechanism to turn on the ride but did not touch it. Suddenly the pool was alive with small, doll-like children. They were all the same age and seemed like cartoon characters at first but the turned more realistic. They came and encouraged all to get on the ride. I did not.

I watched as the people I was with got into the ride and it swirled them about in the water. They were strapped in and looked to be having fun. The conductor looked over at me. He was a man I had not noticed before with dark hair and blue eyes. He stared at me and I knew he wanted me to get on. I felt uncomfortable, suddenly knowing I was wearing a swimsuit under my clothes.

I thought of the shoes I was wearing worried they would get wet and then, not caring, decided to get in. The scene again shifted.

Three Bathrooms

I was waiting with the women to use the bathroom. I suddenly had the urge to have a bowel movement. I went to the bathrooms and was told that all but one of the three was broken. I waited and got a call from my husband. I answered it and he told me to be home by 1pm. I said I had not yet started and was a bit shocked he wanted me home so soon. The bathroom opened up and I let another woman in.

The scene shifted again.

Three Boys

I was traveling along a road in a car and stopped as a large, semi truck was going through a small tunnel. I got in line behind it and watched it squeeze through. Then I followed behind at high speeds and had to slow for a little boy was running about. He was attached to a car by a long cord that came out of his center. I followed him to the car as he climbed in. He was not a very nice little boy but good enough that he listened to me as I climbed into the car to take the wheel. He had two brothers with him, one in the back and the other, the smallest, in the front. I told the older boy to turn off the music (it was playing Cold Play) and looked at his brother. He had the most gorgeous green eyes and I complimented him on them. He seemed wise beyond his years. I was in the back seat at this time.

Upon Waking

When I awoke I knew I had been OOB but just had not been lucid enough to notice. As soon as I thought this, a voice from my right said eagerly, “That was me. I was with you!” A little irritated to have my thoughts interrupted I ignored him. He said again, “That was me! That was me!” I acknowledged him this time saying, “But you are male. I was with a group of women”. He stayed silent after that as I thought of my dreams.

I realized the number three was significant here. The three represents the physical, mental, and emotional aspects of me. Currently I must be working on the physical.

I felt, still feel, so much lighter today and happier. I now know the individual who was talking to me when I awoke was Spirit, not a guide. I feel bad now for not acknowledging him better. I suspect he was one of the little boys from my last dream.

I had this song in my head when I woke up, too. Specifically this part:

If scars are for the living
Then I could be forgiven
And everything you need
I could give you
If scars are for the living
Then I could be forgiven
And everything you have
I take too

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Visions

My recent communication with my Council about the state of the planet seems to be coming back to me day in and day out. I try not to think much on the changes coming but that seems not to matter. Every day there is something, some news or some current catastrophe, that brings it to the forefront.

Visions 2003

One of the most upsetting aspects of my initial spiritual awakening was the spontaneous visions and knowingness about what was to come. I don’t talk about them much because I don’t like putting that kind of negative information out there, just in case I may contribute its manifestation. Yet evidence is showing it is manifesting despite my holding back what I saw.

What did I see? I will tell you now as I feel it is relevant and believe what my Council said – there is not much that can be done about it. All we can do is prepare. That is why the information is given, so that we may prepare.

Changed Coastline

One of the first visions I had was similar to the featured image of this post. It was a detailed map of the United State. My attention went directly to the Mississippi River which was completely unrecognizable because it was flooded hundreds of miles beyond its banks. The next thing I noticed was the almost complete lack of Florida. It was just….gone. There was also a huge chunk of Texas’ coastline submerged and much of the southern United States was in the same boat.

I did not look much at the West but I knew that California was gone. I also knew a chunk of it was lost to an earthquake, sinking it further into the ocean.

You can imagine how I reacted to this. At the time I tried to stop the images, but to no avail. I then panicked and was reassured I would be okay. The time frame for this was beyond my lifetime but I would be witness to these changes as they gradually occurred.

Articles such as this one – Sea Rise Threatens Florida Coast – do not surprise me. They only confirm the inevitable is on its way.

War Zone

Another upsetting vision I had was of standing amidst the rubble of a war zone. I happened to be standing on a familiar area – a school in a flourishing city near a military base. The devastation was beyond words. Nothing was left. It was all ash.

I knew it had been bombed and many had died. I again panicked, thinking it was the near future, but was reassured it would be during a time when I was far from the area. I still worry about when it will happen but feel there is not much I can do about it.

Great Migration

Another vision I had was of a great migration of people from areas of high population to areas of low population. This is in part due to the crazy climate changes, flooding, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, drought, and civil upset. You can image the kinds of upheaval this will cause.

What I saw for the U.S. was movement inland. First it would be toward the mid-west but as the changes increase more and more people will move into areas that are now less populated, specifically the mountain regions of Nevada, Utah, Montana, Wyoming, New Mexico and Idaho. Looking at the map, you can see why this would be.

The weather changes will be weird as well. This will be in part due to the tropic and subtropic zones shifting. With the change in the poles, this is a normal occurrence. For the U.S., the tropics will be shifted north into the southern part of Texas, extending the subtropics into the Midwestern regions. Right now the tropic of Cancer goes across central Mexico.

2050

The year I kept getting was 2050 as a tipping point. Before that, denial will be rampant. People don’t like to change their ways. They will stay despite knowing it is not in their best interest. Government changes will also cause much turmoil and I saw another period where civil war was a very real threat. As for actual war occurring, I never saw it, just the possibility of it. I mostly picked up on terrorism and similar activities along with upheavals in Asia and India.

I also knew there would be epidemics. I don’t believe it is biological warfare, but I did not get specifics causes of these occurrences, just that they would occur.

Not a Scare Tactic

Honestly, I am not trying to scare anyone anymore than my visions were meant to scare me. It is just a warning giving us time to prepare.

There is evidence of these things happening now if you look for them. I was told to stay put; not to change locations. I am safest where I am for the time being. I trust I will know if I need to move my family. I know I will be safe and often times see a vision of myself standing in the middle of a hurricane-like storm of change. I stand in the eye, untouched in the calm, while chaos erupts around me.

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Dream Themes

The sleep disturbances continue.

I have been medicating my sleep with Benadryl so that I feel rested in the morning. However, for the last couple of days I have felt I should not take it. In this time I have come to understand why. I was missing dream messages and it was time to take notice.

The change in my sleep patterns is obvious. It goes like this: I struggle to fall asleep and when I do, I wake immediately after a dream. I fall asleep and the cycle continues. I woke about five times last night and each time from a vivid dream.

Eyes

In the past two night I have had dreams where I am fiddling with my eyes. In the first dream, I was putting in my contact lenses. One of the lenses was a large, pink pill the size of my eye! I saw it, thought it odd, but went ahead and inserted it into my eye. I blink and it dissolved into my eye and I went about my dream without issue.

In last night’s dream I took out my contacts because my eyes were dry and placed them into large, square dishes the two hands in length. A woman questioned me and I told her, “My eyes are dry, so I am giving them a break”. I later put them back into my eyes as I was leaving the scene of the dream.

Eyes symbolize enlightenment, understanding, subconscious, and awareness. They also indicate there is something that is being seen clearer than it may have been in the past. I seem to be playing with my awareness in my dreams – noting how I can choose to “see” or not see. The pill is interesting and in itself indicates restoration and healing. It is pink in color, representing love. In the dream I am inserting it into my right eye which indicates that I am accepting of healing of my physical self.

Manifestation

Another dream theme I am seeing involves exploring possibilities and manifesting desires. In one dream I allowed my husband to buy us a new house. He bought a mansion and inside I explored the rooms. He spent $410,000 on the house, which was twice what I thought we could afford but I shrugged it off. Inside the house there was a room that was elaborate with gold embellishments and a huge drum set that took up half the room. I remember thinking, “This room is not necessary”. The kitchen had small, shallow, black filing cabinets lined up inside it. I remember talking to my husband about the files we could put inside them.

When I woke from this dream I immediately thought, “I need to manifest what I want”. There was a feeling that I am too self-limiting when it comes to material things in life. It is time for me to allow myself to have more. This was what I was exploring in the above dream. It exposed my belief that having too much is excessive as represented by the room with the drums. The filing cabinets represent things I store or file away for use in life such as beliefs I hold on to.

Celebration

There is also a theme that indicates I have much to celebrate. In last night’s dream I was waiting in a doctor’s office to get my papers to go home. I was with a group and we were transferred to a room where there were people gathered to remember a passed loved one. There were images of the person who passed and everyone was grieving but I felt no grief for him as I watched images on a screen of his life. In the images the man was gutting his house and there were tubes all over the place. He died as a result. I recall feeling connected to him and happy for his successful transformation. We were then were led to another room and all let out a cheer together for our accomplishment.

When I woke from this dream the leg I had surgery on was covered in healing energy and I had a feeling that all was well.

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Separation from Ego

As this day draws to an end I am finding myself contemplating my recent change in mood. I have been angry most of the day at my husband. What I began to realize, though, is that the anger I have been feeling is not real. It is like I have been mocking it up and putting energy into it. When I take time to inspect the anger it seems fake and hollow. It has no depth to it. In recognizing this, it vanished.

Interestingly this came with the thought: I am not anger. I am joy.

When I look back at times when I am calm, happy, peaceful or joyful, these emotions are not hollow. They are real.

Anger just feels untrue. It feels self-created.

It is Ego.

I feel quite satisfied with myself right now in my ability to spot this lack of truth and end it. In doing this, though, I ran into that crazy, strange alien feeling that I had not long ago when I went OOB while wide awake. The disconnect returned and with it came the calm.

I am not completely settled. My mind is too engrossed in what just happened and I need to take some time to settle it and stop trying to force understanding.

It just goes to show that the Ego may seem “under control” but it can rise up at anytime and throw your life out of balance.

It is experiences such as these that better familiarizes me with the Ego I have in this life. It is strange how separate I feel from this part of myself now.

I wanted to share something else with you all that I somehow forgot.

The other day while waking up, I awoke in communication with who I thought was my Council. I don’t remember now what I was saying but I recognized instantly that I was talking to my Self.

And I also recognized my Higher Self as female.

Ultimately the shock of it is what pulled me completely out of my light reverie. I silently celebrated for I have never, and I mean never, identified with this part of me as female. My Higher Self has always been male to me and I seemed always to reject the female aspect completely. When I thought about this sudden change I smiled. I no longer reject the female aspect of my Self! How wonderful!

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On Restriction

I began to notice an energy shift a couple of days ago. At first it was subtle but it was affecting me. I felt “off”, like something wasn’t quite right but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Yesterday the energy was even more noticeable and dense. It hung over me like a cloud and I recognized that the shift was coming in hard and fast. This morning I didn’t want to get out of bed and I my mood was sour. I have adjusted now, but it has been so long since I awoke in a sour mood that it surprised me.

On Restriction

Last night I requested more information on the energy shift I am perceiving. I also asked if I could go OOB, lucid dream, or at least have some sort of wonderful energy-bliss experience. Finally I asked to see my Council, since I had never seen them before.

I was told that the perceived shift was indeed real and that it was to continue for the remainder of this week. As for my request for some kind of spiritual or OOB experience, I was told, “Not for two weeks”. When I asked why, I was told, “Your body is in peril”.

When I heard the word “peril” I wondered if it meant death but immediately knew the definition here was “risk”. In contemplating why this would be, I knew that it was because my body was recovering from my recent surgery still and that what was needed now was rest and recuperation.

How odd that a simple surgery to close one vein could result in such a long period of rest. Yet there also was the knowing here that it is much more than just the surgery that is the cause of this need. The energy shift and the resulting reorganization of the energy structure of my body is also at fault. Dense energies such as these hit the lower chakras that hardest. These are the chakras that are the most blocked by upsets in life. For me the result is a bone-deep tiredness and fatigue mixed with a high mental energy and restlessness.

Golden Lights

I fell into a restless sleep, still requesting to go OOB. I received confirmation from my Council – “Your request will be considered”. This was enough for me as I have faith that my Council will do what they can to fulfill it.

I found myself in a very odd dream. In hindsight, it appears that the dream was odd because I would drift in and out of the in-between state, coming very close to achieving lucidity.

In the dream I was laying in my bed and there was someone with me. This person was nudging me and talking to me about “waking up” and kept telling me someone wanted to talk to me. This person was pointing and nudging and shaking me and I was vaguely aware of being in a gray, shifty environment. I would shrug off the nudging and say, “I want to sleep”. I could feel myself trying hard to wake up but I felt overcome with exhaustion.

At one point I spoke to this person, who by now seemed to have a feminine feeling about them. She was asking me, “Wouldn’t you like to talk to them?” and I responded, “I would like to talk to my Grandaddy”. I was flooded with images of my grandparents during this time. My arm was being pulled and I remember wanting to get up but also not wanting to.

Something about the conversation and the pulling sensation woke me up. When I came to I was in the midst of intense hypnagogic imagery and subtle vibrations. My vision was flooded with a golden mandala-like image that moved and seemed to breathe with life. It was quite beautiful and I noted that it contrasted with the black and white images that have been commonplace of late when I wake in such a state.

Recognizing that I should not focus on the images, I began to try and relax and fall into the vibrations. When I did this, I began to notice my heart pounding in my chest and immediately knew that this would be too distracting to allow me to leave my body. I ignored the heart pounding and looked through the moving mandala image. There I could see a golden, winding staircase. I willed myself toward it but I must have been trying too hard because the minute I did this the imagery disappeared and I was wide awake.

Not too upset over the missed opportunity I fell back to sleep into odd dreams. When I awoke in the morning, I was overcome with the sour mood. I immediately was hit with intense, calming energy that radiated over my entire body. When it hit my leg it was uncomfortable and it was obvious that the trauma from my surgery was causing it. I thanked my guides and sighed. Two weeks seems like such a long time. At least I got the hypnagogic images.