I had a chance yesterday afternoon to meditate for a little while. I was exhausted from not getting good sleep, so it was a nice reprieve.

Meditation Revelations

I focused on my third eye and heart which were not very responsive but did eventually respond. In the last couple of days my connection has been interrupted by my overemotional reaction to the soul retrieval work I unintentionally recalled. It brought tons of fear and old emotion to the surface.

My Companion brought with him a counseling energy as we discussed what was going on with me.

“It’s time to be decisive. Your considerations are noted. We are aware that you are not fully comfortable with that which has been presented thus far. It is important, however, to trust that which you have been given as it comes fully from Source. Before you can move onto your next step your mind must be focused, not distracted by Ego-driven questions or influenced by Ego-driven, illogical emotional outbursts”.

I spend some time mulling over what it is that is bothering me so much about what I have Remembered. It isn’t so much the upset caused by my soul retrieval work. I can handle emotional heaviness as it has been a burden I agreed to carry this life. What is bothering me is a feeling that whatever awaits me on the next step is enough to throw my current life and relationships into a tailspin. I have had similar big shifts in my life long ago and so the fear of such a change holds me back from wanting to see whatever it is that I am meant to.

Yet I know there is no going back and that my resistance only makes the next step that much more challenging and upsetting. I also know that I tend to overreact prematurely to the feeling of the upcoming change. Likely it is not as bad as it appears.

I Stay Behind

I fell into the in-between at some point and found myself walking down gray, stone steps. I felt to be descending into an underground room or similar. My awareness kicked in when there came over me a heavy, gentle energy that swayed me towards unconsciousness.

I immediately knew my Companion was taking me deep into my subconscious. What would have happened next is unknown to me because I woke and reprimanded him for trying to subdue me in such a way. I want to be conscious of what is going on!

There was a realization of what we were discussing then. I asked questions I already knew the answers to. Questions about the time when They would come retrieve those who were to be saved from the inevitable cataclysms in Earth’s future. I wondered if I would go, too, and instantly knew I was to stay behind. I knew why, even though I didn’t want to know. I was to stay to help gather as many as possible for the evacuation, to help them see, to help them to not be afraid. I would stay because that is what I do. I help.

This is definitely not something my Ego wanted to hear or know. But I am OK with it. There are many, many others like myself who will stay. Many of us who volunteered for this task will stay behind. There will so much to do here and Earth will not be a complete loss. We will rebuild it. And I love Earth. It feels like my child; like a part of me. I could never leave it.

This is not all in one lifetime. In this I Remembered why I will have two more lives here after this one. I had secretly hoped to get out of those lives and was reminded that I could choose to finish what I started here somewhere else. Unlike many of my Starseed brothers and sisters, I chose to create karma and have some repayment left. I felt and was similarly advised that Earth was the best and quickest option for settling those debts (I am almost done!). Specifically I heard, “Why stop now when we have come so far?” and saw a vision of marathon route and knew I only had a few miles left to go.

We Won’t Give Up

I felt and still feel the combined goal of those of my kind – the Starseeds. We came here because we love Earth and everything that she is – the good and the bad. We see her potential above all else and the potential of mankind as well. In this there is a combined effort to make sure she is not destroyed.

We won’t give up on her.