Monthly Archives: April 2016

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Surprise Visit from Spirit

Just posting this because it is so rare and was quite a surprise.

I was sitting outside this afternoon and out of the blue I was approached on the right by a man in Spirit. He was quite strong (energetically) and very obviously not a guide. He was also very tall as I could sense him standing next to me. I did not try to see him as he was quite vocal. The first thing he said to me was, “Hi, my name is Bob.”

Right then, my dreams from last night came back to me. In one I was talking with a female couple about how I use to walk into places and immediately pick up Spirit and bravely approach people and pass on messages. I told the couple, “I don’t know why, but that doesn’t happen anymore.” Of course I do know why it happens. I don’t want it to.

Now here was “Bob” next to me. I sent to him a query, “My Dad’s name was….” and he immediately said, “I’m not him. I’m Bob Hutchinson.”

I sent back, “Okay. Good. But I don’t do mediumship anymore.” He said back, “Don’t you?” lol That got me thinking, hmm I guess I do if this is happening.

I tried to ignore him but he didn’t go away. I was smoking (yeah, yeah sheesh) and he said to me, “You knows that’s bad for you.” I sent back, “Tell me about it” and then thought, “No, don’t” because I know how literal Spirit can be. He said to me, “I’m not like that (literal). I’m still transitioning.”

His energy was so strong that I kept waiting for him to start throwing it at me to show me how he died, etc. But he didn’t. Instead he said, “I can wait. I’ll be back.” lolol

And then he left. Just like that. No pushing. No nudging. Just a “Hi, here I am and now I’m going”.

I already like him.

In case you’re curious, “transitioning” means that Bob likely died not long ago. Depending on the individual, the transition period can be anywhere from days to weeks and sometimes even months.

When he left my Companion was there on my left saying, “Do you feel it?” Hmmm. Well I felt that anyway. But then it was obvious that the energy had taken a dramatic shift from this morning. My energy had shifted, in a good way.

Then I wondered if I was going to have a parade of Spirits coming to visit. God I hope not.

FYI – When I give readings, err when I gave readings, my Companion would stand on my left and Spirit would come in on the right. I am not sure why this is but I believe it has to do with receptivity. My Companion acts as my Gatekeeper. He won’t let anyone bad through but he doesn’t control those he lets through. I have to do that. If I get overwhelmed I will ask him to close the gates but that doesn’t always work if he wants me to pay attention. Sigh.

Why this is happening today, I have no clue. It has been so energetically dead for me that all of this seems very out of place.

If you know who Bob is, feel free to email me. I will say that it may not be his name he gave me, though. Usually Spirit gives me the name of someone they knew. They don’t often come right out and give me their own name. BUT this could be one of those rare occasions. Who knows. 🙂

 

 

 

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Clean Slate

Yesterday was a tough day. I should have expected it after the intensely emotional dream experience I had. Then this morning more was revealed as to why there has been such a lack of anything spiritual for me for a couple of weeks now. Apparently there has been an upgrade underway for some time and it will continue for some time more. I am not liking this particular upgrade at all, either, for it seems to have almost completely shifted me into the me that is not interested in life or living.

My mind continues to fixate on what I seem to have lost. For example, I went into a depression yesterday because I suddenly felt as if I would never have anymore spiritual experiences or deep heart connections in this life. I desperately missed (still do) the heart fire I had not long ago. It made me feel alive and loved and so many other things that I cannot describe. All connection that was once there seems to have disappeared almost completely and been replaced once again by the endless emptiness that has been with me most of this life. And once again I can’t help but wonder, “What the (expletive) is wrong with me???”

I want to be clear, however, that my guidance is still present. My Companion specifically is communicating with me but the connection that comes with him is nearly imperceptible. The connection is what I miss the most and even though I hear from him reassurance that all is well and going as planned I feel as if nothing is going to ever be right again. My future seems empty, devoid of feeling and pointless.

On top of all this, my sleep is still limited. I keep waking too early and am unable to return to sleep. This morning it was 4:45am! And when I awoke I was furious, demanding to be allowed to go Home (really!? so tired of that!) and it took me quite a while to calm myself down. I did this mainly by tuning into my heart and focusing on my many blessings. It is funny how often I shift into focusing on what I don’t have rather than on what I do have. I began to mentally list what I was grateful for (thanks Rick) and before I knew it I was feeling relaxed and drowsy. Unfortunately, I had to get up at that point to start the day, but at least I was in a far better mood.

Clean Slate

Despite the disconnection I’ve been feeling, there still comes through brief flashes of memory; messages from my counterpart. One particular memory is of being presented with the “new” me in energy form. It is best described as an energetic template because it is seen as an energy body of an electric-blue streaked with purple and indigo. It is spectacularly beautiful and when I see it in my memory I want to exhale and cry tears of relief. The feeling is that this energy template comes with the exchange. At some point I will literally drop my current template and take on this new, clean one. The one I occupy currently feels dirty in comparison to the new one. I understand that the dirty feeling is the debris I am currently clearing. In order to step into the new template I must clear the old one. I don’t really understand why that is. All I know is that I am extremely tired of how long it is taking to clear the old one. The more I try to clear, the more exhausted and apathetic I become. The current issue in front of me feels like an impossible mountain. When I think of trying to climb this mountain, I get extremely tired and disinterested.

So I am back to square one it seems. One step forward, two steps back. I’m trying to remember all the lessons I’ve learned along the way; to not become bogged down by my mind and stay in my heart. It is extremely difficult to do this when it appears I’ve been left on my own. Boredom poses an obstacle, too. I was told last night it was a good lesson for me to learn. Heard  a chuckle along with the message. I don’t see it as a fun lesson, but then my Companion knows that. Patience and persistence are needed. The heart will provide these things if only I can stay there long enough.

 

 

 

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To Become Whole, We Must First Be Separate

Warning – this post could upset some of you, especially those of you who have experienced sexual trauma.

“To become Whole, We must first Be Separate”.

This was what I was told this morning when I awoke in tears from a dream directed at helping me to heal a major wound which I have been carrying with me for many, many lives.

Dream

In the dream I was a counselor who was told about an incident where a young girl witnessed her father molesting her little brother. In the dream, I actually witnessed it as well. I took the girl to report it and listened to her statement.

Then I shifted into a hospital setting and was laying in a bed. Everything was white. In front of me was this machine that I knew was an electroshock therapy machine. It was connected to me. I kept shocking myself over and over again with it. For some reason the shock made me feel better and I would smile. I both experienced and witnessed this as it occurred.

Then a man came into the room. I recognized him as my partner. He was completely naked. He radiated unconditional love and sympathy as he crawled into my hospital bed and snuggled up to me. I felt completely numb and did not respond to him.

When I awoke, I was crying uncontrollably. It was not sobbing, but more silent, slow tears that wouldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried to stop them and my heart chakra was ablaze with a warm, comforting feeling. I heard from my Companion, “It’s not your fault.”

Healing a Deep Wound

The wound itself has been one of discussion in this blog before. It specifically comes from the past 3 lives prior to this one but is also a part of this lifetime.

The wound, simply put, is betrayal. More specifically, this betrayal is betrayal of love and trust. The love of a child for a parent. The love of a woman for her husband. The complete trust of a child that their parents will care for them, protect them, and nurture them because they are too small and too innocent to do so themselves. The complete trust of a wife in her husband and expectation that he will protect her and bear what she cannot.

With all this betrayal of love and trust also comes a feeling of complete abandonment by God.

There is also a complete disgust for mankind and the male gender in general.

To recap:

  • Most recent past life: I was murdered by my father at the age of 6. I am not sure why but Remembered this morning that my mother, who I thought innocent, was an accomplice. Betrayal by parents.
  • Life before that: I married a man who was abusive and raped me. Betrayal by husband.
  • Life before that: As a child I was molested by my own father after my mother’s death. Later in that life I was murdered by my own husband who also murdered our infant son and then killed himself. Betrayal by father. Betrayal by husband.

This Lifetime

Memories from this life also surfaced. When I was little, around 7 years old, I walked past our bathroom and saw our neighbor using the restroom in front of my little sister. He was asking her, “Do you want to touch it.” Horrified, I took my sister’s hand and told her, “No.” The moment will forever be ingrained in my memory.

I told my mom but I had no idea what, if anything, she did about. The neighbors eventually moved to Mexico, though.

Fast forward to 2003. On a road trip back from California, I fell asleep in the back seat only to awaken to the sound of my mom and older sister having a serious conversation. In it, I overheard that my sister had been molested by the neighbor when she was 10-11 years old. This was the same neighbor who I had seen trying to get my younger sister to touch him. I interrupted their conversation because I was totally shocked. My sister said, “I thought you knew about it. He did it to you, too.” I had no idea what she was talking about.

She went on to tell of what exactly he did and how he use to touch all three of us when swimming in our pool. My sister has struggled with healing from her experiences her whole life.

I still have no memory of any of it.

In recalling all of this, I wondered if maybe I buried memories from this life to save myself from what my sister is still struggling to heal. I honestly don’t think that he did to me what he did to her, but I have feelings that do not make sense from that time in my life. I also have huge gaps in my memory from that time in my life.

Connecting the Dots

Beliefs and feelings were obvious to me. It was like a flood of information, as if all the weeks of deep sleep and healing were finally revealed.

Love is painful. Men are not to be trusted. It was my fault, so I should be punished.

There are other false beliefs but these are the main ones. The last, especially, is troublesome because it is the last belief that continues the cycle.

My guidance has long told me, “You are special”. It was repeated this morning. This time, however, I understood why. This phrase was often spoken to me when I was molested by my father in the first life in this cycle. Everything that happened after was associated with that phrase. That is why I always retract from it and experience fear when I hear it. I always think, “I am NOT special.” I don’t want to be special because to be special means accepting what happened to me and what I was – which was “bad”. In that lifetime I felt I was being punished – by my father and by God – but I had no idea what I had done wrong.

It was reiterated that none of it was my fault and that I need not be punished any longer. The emotions from that and the other lifetime resurfaced. Emotions of confusion of a child who loved his/her parents unconditionally only to suffer at their hands. Despite all of their mistreatment of me, I still loved them. I love them so much that I assumed it was not their fault but my own.

I was reminded that I reject love from others; I do not allow myself to be loved fully. Love is fully trusting in another. It is placing all of yourself in their hands. I refuse to do that. If I cannot do that, I cannot become Whole.

This wound is the last big hurdle I face in the path to Wholeness. I asked why I had not just healed it on the Other Side between lives. It was explained that when we are Home we are separated from much of the experience of the pain, so we cannot fully heal our wounds unless we are in the physical where they originated. When I return to the physical the pattern continues – I feel I should be punished and so I am. And it was never my fault to begin with.

 

 

 

 

 

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Three Dreams and Another ReUnion

Last night the energy sludge shifted a bit and with it came an intense third-eye pulling sensation that came and went until I went to bed. I should have known this sudden chakra activity indicated a change was coming since I have had barely any chakra and energy activity for over a week now.

When I went to bed I felt Them and acknowledged their presence. I was greeted with a message reminding me that I had been chosen for Contact. I did not react but just acknowledged the message and then asked to Remember more of what was going on in my dreams. This was granted. I asked what would happen and was told, “It’s a surprise.” Too tired to react to Them, I fell asleep.

Dream: Golden Key Ring

I had numerous dreams. In this one, I was in a huge high school with more people than I can imagine would ever been in any high school. In fact, it did not even resemble a high school but more like an elaborate convention hall with numerous rooms and cathedral ceilings covered in gold leaf embellishments. Every staircase was a grand one and every level was filled with people milling about. The excitement was palpable.

I was led around and followed without resistance because I felt out of my element and was confused a little as to where I was and who was with me. I met with some “freshmen” and remembered that I was a “sophomore”. I walked with a young girl for a while until our paths diverged and then I found myself standing at the entrance to a grand event hall.

In the entrance was a podium and a man took me to it and pointed out a woman who was quite short and did not look human but kind of like a disfigured dwarf. Her head was misshapen and in my memory now all I see is a golden blob as her head. The man stayed and handed me a golden key ring. I took it and looked over the many keys on it. Each was an elongated, golden heart. As I fiddled with them a discussion began about practicing self-protection. I was questioned about whether I had ever fired a gun. I said, “Yes, silly. I’ve shot all kinds of guns.” I mentioned firing an AK-47 and M-1 Carbine. Memory of doing this was vivid in my mind at the time (in reality I did fire these guns and many others).

Satisfied that I knew how to use a gun, discussion began about using a knife and I recall seeing a golden knife thrown a the podium. I admitted I had no experience in this. The man pointed to the dwarf woman and said she would instruct me.

Dream: Too Much Jewelry

In this dream I had been awakened before dawn and saw my husband had left the front yard in a mess and deposited a huge pile of dirt in the middle of the lawn. I began to go out and clean up what I could but decided not to. It was his mess.

When I went inside I had been presented with gifts, so many I lost count. I began to try and organize them. There were trays upon trays of silver jewelry. I put them on the table next to the bed and hid some underneath. A friend of mine from high school joined me and asked me about them. I tried to give her a tray of some of the more normal jewelry but she declined. I remember some of the trays were full of hoops and rings and others of jewelry that were of symbols I did not recognize.

Dream: Three Boys and a Kiss

All I recall of this dream is seeing three young men. They all seemed to glow with energy. I kissed one of them and it felt very, very real. When I kissed him the feeling I got was that it was not allowed and that I was not following orders. I did not feel anything energetically from the kiss.

Interpretations

Honestly, there is so much symbolism here that I am a bit blown away. The feeling is that something is about to change and I am preparing for it. The golden keys in the first dream represent status and one’s adaptability to a changing situation. The guns and knives seem to indicate a need to learn to protect myself or an alertness to potential danger.

The jewelry symbolizes one’s own self-worth and knowledge. The fact that it is given as a gift indicates acknowledgement of  and incorporation of knowledge. I am feeling overwhelmed by having so much jewelry (knowledge) and am trying to organize it and even gave some of it away. Seems like I am trying to figure out how to handle what is coming to me.

The last dream indicates a need to be more open and honest with my feelings and emotions. There may be a better way to express them.

Overall there is a sense of smaller groups connecting to form larger ones. I feel I and many others have been doing quite a bit of preparing behind-the-scenes. It feels like another ReUnion is approaching or in process.

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Message: We are the Watchers

Upon waking this morning, there was a group around me which I could perceive quite distinctly. They have a different energy than what I am use to and they spoke audibly and quite differently than my other Visitors. This was their message:

We are the Watchers.

Protect yourself.

Do stop mindheadedness.

The drums will be felt round the world.

The drums signal the climax of the Shift.

There will be a great catastrophe.

One that will be Remembered.

We gather en masse to prepare.

All must prepare.

I have never had a message from those who call themselves the Watchers. I had to research it some just to get my bearings. What I find interesting is that lately I have been drawn to reading the Book of Enoch. Now, when I read about the Watchers, I see the Books of Enoch mentioned.

According to Wikipedia, the Watchers are angels. Some are fallen, some are not.  I did not read into the “good” angels and “bad” angels too much because I do not doubt that those who send me messages are not of the “bad” sort. However, the Book of Enoch synchronicity intrigues me. I am very tempted now to read all three books.

I cannot stop thinking about the reference to “the drums”. When I received this part of the message, I felt the drums. It was as if my heart began to pound more strongly inside my chest and it was very eerily silent. The feeling was this was very, very important and to feel for the changes coming for it will be felt, not heard as drums usually are.

Sign

After I woke up and was eating breakfast, I looked out the back window at my husband and three kids who were sitting on the porch swing that looks out upon the creek and trees of our back yard. I saw very vividly a piece of paper attached to the rope swing. Seeing this, I opened the door and said to them, “Look, someone left us a note on the swing.” My husband and children asked, “What? Where?” I pointed it out several times, each time focusing upon it as best I could to make out what it said. I saw clearly the pattern of a letter with the greeting, body and signature. I wanted to know what it said so I kept trying to get one of my kids to go get it.

That is when I realized there was no letter at all. It was the board of the swing reflecting sunlight in such a way as to create the illusion of a hand-written letter attached to the rope. I felt a bit awed at this and then joked with my daughter when she asked, “What does it say?” I said, “It says ‘Don’t swing on me'”. Then I told them about the optical illusion. Later they all went swinging on the rope swing. They don’t listen any better than I do. lol

I was thoroughly convinced that someone had left a note for us. It took me a while to realized I had been fooled by an optical illusion. Even after realizing it wasn’t a letter I kept looking to make sure. The whole time the above message was going through my mind and I knew the message was the letter. I need to share it even if it did seem quite negative.

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Toroidal Fields and the Etheric Blueprint

It was an odd night. Oh how I wish I could remember my dreams! But it seems that upon waking I go into amnesia-mode and all is lost. Some of it returns later, but everything is mixed up and makes no sense. And I am so, so very drowsy! When my guidance tries to communicate with me, I can’t seem to stay in the in-between and end up drifting into dreams only to find my guide looking crossly at me and sending, “Why do we bother if you aren’t going to pay attention?”

Night Sweats

I awoke sometime early in the morning drenched in sweat. My sheets were wet and I was very uncomfortable. I had to get up to dry off. I have not had an experience such as this since I was taking Zoloft way back in the late 90’s. The antidepressant always had that side-effect and I hated it. Yet here I was sweating in the same manner and I haven’t touched that medication in over a decade, nor am I taking anything now other than vitamins and supplements. Weird.

My mind was alert to the fact that I had just been in a very in-depth dream, but at the time I could not remember it. I knew something important was going on, but unfortunately I could not keep my mind awake and fell back to sleep quite quickly, wet sheets and all.

Messages

I awoke right on schedule at 5:30am. Still tired and a bit irritated I tried to return to sleep but was reminded of the night sweat episode and the dream prior to it. I knew somehow that I had visited a place I had been visiting for a few weeks now. This place was very sterile looking – white and gray colors with tall ceilings and a hospital-like feel. In the dream I recall flashes of being with a group of people and several “dying” or being abducted. Intermixed with the dream symbols there is a vivid memory of what appears to be a very large moon – white and glowing like our moon. However, the feeling is that it is not a moon but a planet or something similar. The word that came into my mind was Chiron.

Upon researching Chiron, I found it is a planet or asteroid that often affects ones chart. It is a mediator between Uranus and Saturn. “Also known as the Planet of Healing, Chiron deals with all aspects of health and disease and how they affect our spiritual path.”

Curious, I looked up where Chiron falls in my chart. It is the 1st degree Taurus. Here was the explanation:

Interpretation of the 1° Taurus symbolic degree

“A dying man lies on the ground under the beams of the sunset. A half-naked woman passes by, limply reclining on a small chariot pulled by a horse.” (Janduz version)

Lazy, passive, and weak character. Ambitions are overwhelming and out of proportion. This is the reason why any effort remains useless. It is necessary to set oneself goals which match one’s capacities. This degree warns against risks of fraudulent bankruptcy, or destruction, caused by natural disasters such as earthquakes, fire, etc.

As I tried to remain focused upon what I was receiving, I saw a vivid image of a drawing. In the drawing were two identical representations of a human standing within what appeared to be a grid-like field. One of the human’s grids was egg-shaped and the other was more pointy with the field extending out from the left and right side of the body. I knew instantly that the two drawings were representative of toroidal fields. There was instant disinterest from me at this point. I just don’t care to get into all that and my guides know this. Yet, they continued to show me the image and I heard then, “Etheric blueprint” and knew that there was an exchange of one blueprint for another occurring. This has something to do with the soul exchange but again, I lost interest and fell into dreams. That is when I got the message that my guides didn’t want to waste their time if I was not going to pay attention. lol My response? Why am I so dang tired??

It is not lost to me that others who follow my blog (and vice versa) have also gotten information recently on blueprints and toroidal fields. Why am I getting this information now? I was too tired to ask and honestly I am still too tired. Seems I am getting an upgrade of some sort and this involves some major healing on the etheric level.

My dreams have been focusing on my past lately (lots of ex’s) and I am also seeing vast expanses of blue, either in dreams about the ocean or just seeing the blue completely fill my visual field. I suspect this is part of the healing that is occurring and the blue represents the throat chakra. So many pieces of the puzzle are clicking into place. I just wish my mental faculties were alert enough to process all the information. I suppose that after this healing is concluded I will be more able to understand it all.

 

 

 

 

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Message: Decide!

I’m still sleeping very, very deep. So deep, that when I wake I am so drowsy that I fall instantly back to sleep, which is uncommon for me. And I am still waking up at 5:00-5:30am. I really, really am hating it right now because I am soooo tired.

Decide! 

Despite being so tired and sleeping extremely deeply, I am having numerous, vivid dreams and also still waking up several times a night. In one instance, I awoke from being jolted by energy that literally made me jump. I don’t think it was my physical body that jumped, but that doesn’t matter – it all feels the same to me. With the jolt of energy came someone saying, “Decide!”

Being as tired as I was, I only briefly wondered what it was all about and then passed back out into dream land.

Dream: Teacher Workshop and Giving Readings

Then I was sitting in a large cafeteria with so many others I lost count. I quickly remembered I was at a workshop and that I was among teachers and staff. I was sitting next to a man with medium brown hair and the tables reminded me of those at an elementary school – much too small for adults.

I remember seeing the agenda. The workshop lasted all day! It became evident to me that it had gone over its allotted time. The suggested change in time was a three hour delay. For some reason I felt this was caused by me. I remember discussing the schedule change with the man sitting next to me and told him I planned to leave at 9am even though it would not be over. The agenda is very vivid in my mind even now.

Then I was speaking with a man who was at least a foot taller than me with medium brown hair and a light complexion. All I remember now is that he asked me, “So you aren’t working now?” I said to him, “No. I have lots of time on my hands.” There is memory of a discussion in which he asked me if I would stay in Dallas (this was where the workshop was) and I said I wished I could but I have a family, etc and needed to get back to them.

Instantly I shifted back to the cafeteria and was speaking to two young women. I gave them both readings and then found out they were not as old as I had thought – still teenagers. I remember feeling worried they would tell their parents and I would get into trouble because they were minors. I explained this to them and one wanted my business card. I gave it to her and felt better for some reason.

Discussion

I woke up and it was 5:30am. Instantly memory of the jolt of energy and the dream came to me. I asked what the “Decide!” demand was for. Decide what? Then I felt it was being asked of me to get me to figure out if I wanted to focus on living or dying. In hearing this I did not hesitate. I am not interested in staying in life, no matter how “exciting” my guides try to make it, it is just not as wonderful as the spiritual side and unless they can somehow merge the two, this physical existence is just not enough.

Dream: End of the Road

Somehow I fell back to sleep briefly, which is odd because I was wide awake. I entered instantly into a dream where I was discussing a destination. There were two, one in CA and the other in TX.

Then I was in a car and driving very, very fast on a four or five lane highway. I kept thinking I was in LA for some reason.

It was like a video game. The speed was so fast I clung to the steering wheel for dear life. I tried to stay in the far right lane where I would slow down to 60mph. But then I would end up jerked back to the fast lane every time. Once, in the fast lane, a car zoomed in front of me and side swiped the concrete barrier and kept going. I nearly did as well and felt as if I were somehow following this fast car. Strangely, there weren’t many cars on the highway, just mine, the reckless driver and a woman in a car that stayed in the slow lane.

I finally stayed in the slow lane and the woman remained behind me, adjusting her speed for me as needed. I watched as the road wound around unfamiliar terrain. I remember thinking, “I wish I knew this road.”

Then the road turned to the right and I saw it turned to gravel. I slowed way down and then stopped my car completely and got out. The woman followed me.

The road had large boulders and I carefully walked through them as it sloped upward. That is when I noticed the road dead ended at what appeared to be a semi truck. A large, silver ramp met the road. I stood upon it and looked inside the truck. It appeared to be completely furnished with mahogany shelves filled with books, side tables, lamps and several nice sofas. It was huge! It did not resemble any truck I had ever been inside of.

A woman was standing inside and taking tickets and money from other travelers who came in from behind me. I had never noticed them, but there were quite a few. In listening to their conversations, I learned that this truck took people to several destinations. The woman who had been following me stated hers and boarded the truck. I was asked what my destination was. I couldn’t remember but I saw in my mind an ocean port with beautiful, crystal blue waters and white sand beaches. I kept thinking my destination was in CA but then thought, no it was Jalisco. Confused, I thought for a moment Jalisco was in Texas but knew that was wrong.

Then I told the woman I had sent my children ahead of me but their truck did not look anything like this one. I had a vivid memory of doing so, too. I remember their truck was plain inside – like a real truck. I felt I was a very bad mother for sending my children away. The woman said, “I’m sure they got there safe and sound.”

Discussion

I awoke with this song in my head:

So much went through my mind this morning, that I can’t even share it all. I will say that I was asked to think of when I felt most alive in this life. There were two specifics times I recalled:

  1. My first experience teaching in a public school. I was so in love with my job and my students that I got to work every day more than an hour early. My favorite lessons were teaching my students how to meditate and how to go inward to learn about themselves (introspection).
  2. My first years giving readings – mediumship, psychic, medical intuition, spirit guide, etc. The feeling is indescribable. There is no feeling that has yet compared to how I feel during and after giving a reading in which I have connected with Spirit and given the sitter proof that their loved ones continue on and are always with them.

I have neither of these two things in my life now. I made it clear to my guides that as a mother I cannot – will not – put my own wants and needs above those of my children. That is the burden that comes with being a mother. Yet at the same time I feel utterly and completely without purpose.

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Practicing Pranayama

I have been practicing Pranayama since my last OBE indicated this would be necessary for me to progress spiritually as well as to aid in dropping the astral body. So far I have just been following my intuition as to the breathing I am doing. I have some experience with Pranayama via Kundalini yoga, so I am not completely in the dark.

I practiced Pranayama about three times yesterday, maybe more. This morning I did it as soon as I woke. Here is what I have noticed thus far:

  • My body does not like long, deep breathing. Currently I can only count to six before I feel as if I am being suffocated. lol This is likely too long (counting to four is most common) but it takes counting to six to fully expand my lungs. Sitting upright or laying down makes no difference.
  • My heart chakra lights up as if my chest is on fire. This happens mainly when I circulate my energy in conjunction with doing deep breathing.
  • The morning seems ideal for using energizing breath. I found that this really made me feel good and got me out of my mind fast. Afterward I ended up clearing my lungs of stuff I didn’t even know was there. Not so nice but then at least it is no longer in my lungs!
  • My energy body expands past my feet and head when prior to practicing the breathing techniques my energy feels more contracted.
  • If done at night, the breathing shifts me very quickly into a light then deep trance state. So far I am too distracted during the day to practice for more than a few minutes at a time.

An acquaintance of mine on FB mentioned that the energy circulation practice my guides showed me sounded very much like something called the microcosmic orbit meditation or the small universe meditation. These are associated with Quigong. When I reviewed some of these meditations on YouTube I found that they are in fact very similar to how I circulate my energy while doing deep breathing.

Here are two videos I found. I have not done them yet but plan on it when I get time alone.

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House Cleanse and Multiple Me’s

Yesterday I felt a need to smudge my entire house. I have not done so since we moved in. So, for 20 minutes, I took sage and smudge every corner while demanding negative entities and energy leave and asking the light to come in and protect us.

I have not done this in quite some time and my own energy was low in the beginning. I did not think anything of it until I reached the room where I often sleep. In reality it is my son’s room but he refuses to sleep in there – he’s only slept in there once in the nearly 2 years we’ve lived here.

While in the room I felt a distinct difference in the energy from the other rooms in the house. With this sense there came flashes of images and emotions that hit me one after the other. I realized there were quite a few imprints left here by a young girl and I knew who she was. She was the youngest daughter of the previous owners who had gotten caught up in gang life and been kicked out of the house. Apparently, this room had been hers at one point.

I recognized that she had been visiting (another aspect or her astral self) the room over time. The unsettled energy was imprinted upon the room and her frequent visits revived it. So I changed my clearing technique and focused on the imprints and the girl. I prayed for her to have closure and for healing and assistance and asked for the imprints to be cleared. I stood in the center of the room and prayed for her and then smudged the window again as this was a heavy area.

I left, finished smudging the house and felt a distinct difference in my own energy. It felt like I took a damper off of it. I returned to the room and prayed for the girl again and then checked my daughter’s room for similar energy because she has had sleeping issues recently. I found no lingering energy or imprints there or in any other room.

I can’t believe I have been sleeping in that room all this time and never noticed the energy difference!

Multiple Me’s 

While meditating this morning, I was reminded of the smudging from the day before and noticed the room’s energy was much lighter and calmer. Pleased with myself, I focused on my own energy and breath for a while, entering into the trance state quite quickly.

I noticed several strange occurrences while meditating. All of them appeared to be aspects of me exiting. The first was of a hand reaching for a cup that was not part of my reality, yet I perceived it as real and the hand as mine but not mine. The same situation arose when I felt a distinctly different part of me cross her legs but my own legs remained in their present position. There was recognition of another place as well – one in which the other me was dressed in a white lace gown.

The most significant of my observations was when I witnessed this other aspect literally get up and rise out of my chest and walk away. This was quite a shock! An entire body arose out of me. A head came out of my heart and the rest of the body climbed out with it. I did not have time to focus on what she looked like because the shock of it broke my trance state.

In hindsight, I believe all three – the hand, the legs and the entire person – were one aspect that I somehow was able to perceive. At first I thought maybe I was just falling into a dream and witnessing part of the exit from my body and the beginnings of an OBE. This almost seems accurate except that I never felt vibrations and never lost consciousness or felt the shift, etc. The typical OBE signs were never present. My only conclusion is that I witnessed another me – a multidimensional aspect. It raises questions but I don’t bother to ask them. The feeling is that I am correct in my assessment and should count myself blessed to have gotten to this point of awareness.

 

 

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OBE: Conscious Exit and Pranayama

I woke at 5am. Again. Sigh. Wide awake, this time I was in a better mood and took advantage of the quiet time and meditated. I stated my intent to astral project and asked for help in dropping my astral body.

OBE: Conscious Exit

Laying on my back, I grew listless and uncomfortable after a short while, so rolled over onto my left side. I stated mentally several times, “I am out of body”. Then there is a blank space, as if everything goes black.

The next thing I recall, I am pulled out of the background noise of my conscious mind by the humming of insects and chirping crickets. At the same time I saw an image in front of me of a dense forest and starry night sky. With the image came the actual feeling of being in the forest along with the musty smell of the forest floor. The image would fade in and out and I knew I needed to focus on it in order to be pulled into it. Yet I was very, very drowsy and resisted the draw into the forest. Part of me just wanted to sleep.

As I watched and listened to this forest in front of me, the chirping crickets and hum of the forest faded out and was replaced by the familiar noise of my home in the morning – children talking excitedly, kitchen noises as breakfast is being made, etc. The image of the forest disappeared when these new noises came in. I knew these were noises-off and to not focus on them, even though I wanted to. I reminded myself to ignore them and that is when I recognized the vibrations hitting me in waves. Woosh, woosh, woosh.

Not near as intense as when I first began to project, the vibrations were noticeable enough to alert me to the fact that it was a prime time to exit my body. I remember having to convince myself that I wanted to project and feeling nearly sucked into unconsciousness. Eventually, though, my intent won over and I pulled myself out of my body. I exited via my back and my head and shoulders lingered longer than the rest of me. The feeling was like sticky, taffy, but I was not going to give up and I forced the rest of my astral body out and away from my body.

Instantly I could see very clearly and the room was lit up with a bright, yellow/gold color. The walls were white (in reality they are green) and everything was sparkling with energy.

I did not linger long at the sight because I knew I needed to get a certain distance from my body else it would suck me back it and the tacky, heavy energy was still present. I did look at my hands for a moment and say, “Clarity now!” but I did not linger and find out if it made any difference.

I floated through a non-existent door (which should have been there) and across the family room toward the stairs. The stairs were not in the right place either and instead of being one single flight, there were two separated by a landing.

As I floated down the stairs I felt a distinct rise in my vibration. I had gotten far enough away from my body! I began to giggle and wanted to fly but felt I should not attempt it yet. So, I hopped the stair railing and skipped the landing altogether, jump-floating down the stairs. Then I saw my son sitting at the bottom of the stairs surrounded by tons of toys. He looked up at me, his green eyes sparkling and a big smile on his face. I remember hearing him in my mind at first. His greeting was a surge of love and joy.

I had not forgotten my purpose for this projection: to drop my astral body. I knew in order to do this I needed to get outside. So, when I saw my son taking up the entire bottom of the stairs I paused and told him, “It’s a beautiful day! I’m going outside.” He looked at me and said, “I wanna go with you!” His energy reached out to me and was familiar. I wanted to take him with me but knew I could not.

I did not have time to answer him. In one big swoosh of energy I felt to be carried by a wave of energy back into my physical body.

Guidance: Pranayama 

Once back in my body, the vibrations were still present but faded off as soon as I thought of projecting again. Not disappointed, I checked the time feeling certain it must have been over an hour since meditating and projecting. But it was only 6:14am.

I asked my guides why I was able to project. Their answer, “You set the intention. You wanted to.” lol It is true. Prior to bed I took B6 just in case it might help me to project. The intention had been there ever since the previous day, when for months now I have really had no interest.

This does not negate what was told to me about the astral realms. They are collapsing in on one another. I questioned this yesterday and the answer was that projection can and does occur but is only sustainable by those able to keep their vibrations high and stable. The astral body has a reactive tendency similar to the physical body, which makes it harder to stabilize. The mental body, however, is not as reactive.

I was told that in order to drop my astral body, I must work on my energy body. Attempting to project when my energy body was not adequately energized results in a loss of vibration early in the projection. This is what happened yesterday morning. This morning, however, my energy was higher and so upon exit there was not darkness and my energy was light and flowing (despite the sticky exit).

So how to I adequately energize my energy  body? They said one word, “Pranayama.” Instantly, memory came to me of my Kundalini Yoga practice and the Breath of Fire.

I was encouraged to try two things then:

1. Circulate my energy very rapidly from my feet up to my crown and down to my feet. I was shown what this looked like when done. It appeared like a strobe light, flashing brightly as it hit certain chakras (heart, solar plexus and root).

2. Take deep, long breaths.

So I did as instructed while laying on my back. As I circulated my energy, I was asked to focus on areas where the energy was less present. I noticed my feet were a problem area. As soon as I noticed this my feet began to buzz with intense energy. Then my throat was another sticking point and focusing on it made my entire body jump. lol That was a shocker.

When I stopped circulating the energy, I continued deep breathing and within moments I was in the trance-state and my body seemed hit by an energy wave that entered via my lower pelvic region. I was able to maintain the energy for quite some time and began to get hypnagogic imagery and hear noises-off again.

Surprised that I had brought this all on so quickly (I was wide awake by now) I brought myself out of the trance-state by moving my hand. My feet still felt off but I was told the more I circulated my energy the less this area would trap energy.

Very cool!